108. Celebrate Queer Joy

Snarky Opener (0:00)

Just because I'm a jaded gay doesn't mean I can't be joyful every once in a while.

Episode Introduction (0:24)

Hello, my LGBTQuties, and welcome back to another episode of A Jaded Gay. I'm Rob Loveless and today, I am a non-jaded gay because the patio is finally done.

I know these are the updates you actually are tuning in for. You probably don't care about episode topics. You're just interested to hear about my home DIY projects. I don't blame you.

But yeah, after... it feels like it's been a long time because I think this is the third podcast episode I'm talking about it. But because of how I've recorded some episodes, it's really only been like two, two and a half weeks of doing patio work.

But it looks so good. I love it. I finally figured out an arrangement for the furniture. So, even though it's a tight patio space, it feels roomy and cozy.

I got some Edison bulbs that I just strung up that look really nice. And they're all solar-powered. So, at night, like, you get some nice, you know, dangly lights overhead, and then you have the nice fairy lights on the lattice with the ivy over it.

So, I'm just so excited to host some wine nights this summer with my friends and just chill out on the back patio, relax, have a good time. And summer's here.

Queer Joy (1:25)  

Anyway, while I'm in a good mood, let's talk about today's episode: queer joy.

So, I want to cover this because a good chunk of the episodes that we do talk about focus on heavier topics like anti-LGBTQ+ plus politics, societal pressures, and other obstacles that can negatively impact our mental health.

And it is important to be informed and talk about those things so we can do the work to be the healthiest versions of ourselves and create a more equal world for all of us. But it's also important to have some fun and focus on some positive things, too.

And since Pride Month is coming to an end this year, I thought we should close out the month by talking about queer joy.

But first, you know the drill. Let's pull that tarot card.

Tarot (2:11)  

So, the card for this episode is the Ace of Swords. Swords, as you may remember, is tied to the element of air. It's masculine energy, so it's very action-oriented.

And Swords is tied to communication and the words we speak. And you can think of sayings like the pen is mightier than the sword and the sword of truth.

Now, aces are the first card in each Minor Arcana suit. And they're traditionally depicted as a hand offering the elemental gift respective of each suit to help us prepare for our journey. It's number one in numerology, which is tied to the individual or a new beginning or cycle.

And when we draw this card, it's indicating a sudden sense of clarity or new ideas. This is the first exciting step in our journey, so we need to trust our intuition to guide us forward. The Ace of Swords is providing us with a new sudden burst of energy.

And it's letting us know that our mind is open to embrace new things. It's nurturing encouragement and a gentle reminder that now is the time to take that first step forward toward our next pursuit. And we can just feel that motivating energy radiating through us.

What is Queer Joy? (3:15)

So, with that in mind, let's start off the episode by asking the question, what is queer joy?

Well, I feel like it can be a lot of things. But Oxfam, a global organization that fights inequality to end poverty and injustice, defines it as a positive feeling that we get from encountering signs of progress in gender equality and gender diversity.

Additionally, in a 2023, Journal of Popular Music Studies article titled Sustaining Queer Joy and Potentiality, Stacey Copeland expands upon this definition, stating that it's a concept that acknowledges the importance of joy and pleasure in the lives of LGBTQ+ individuals.

And it challenges the dominant narrative that being queer is exclusively rooted in pain or trauma and instead recognizes the resilience, resistance, and creativity of LGBTQ+ people.

And a quick disclaimer, when I was doing research on this episode, I saw some articles refer to this as gay joy or LGBTQ+ joy, but I'm just going to refer to it as queer joy.

Differences Between Queer Joy and Pride (4:15)

Anyway, in June 2023, Yes Magazine published an article titled The Art of Queer Joy by Michael Luong.

In it, Luong writes that Pride came to be as a need for resistance, which is still true today, and that Pride will always be relevant. And while there are still many necessary reasons to fight for our rights today, queer joy must be at the centerpiece of our resistance so that we can enjoy our own livelihood too. 

Here's an excerpt:

"The ecology of queerness sees beauty and the wounds and imperfections of our world and cares for it anyway. As a queer, multiracial, neurodivergent trauma survivor, I exist like so many others in a world that insists I should not love myself as I am. If queerness is an essence that exists only in opposition to what it defies, it follows that radical self-love is deeply queer when my body is the context. My self-regard is hard won, and therefore deeply precious."

Luong goes on to describe queer joy as an expressive, riotous manifesto of self-love. And while it's easy to witness that in Pride parades, it's harder to find it in the small gaps between anti-LGBTQ+ legislation and discrimination. Because, after all, a lot of our existences as LGBTQ+ people have been politicized.

So queer joy is different from Pride. Luong asserts that queer joy is more radical, more poignant, and brings purpose to life. And queer joy doesn't have to be something big like a parade. It can be something as simple as sharing a vulnerable moment with someone who understands you.

The Pillars of Queer Joy (5:50)

So that being said, let's talk about some pillars of queer joy. And this comes from Oxfam.

So first off, queer joy is powerful.

Queer activism and scholarship help expand our understanding of gender and sexuality and champion the messages of diversity, acceptance, and inclusion in our societies.

Next, it's empowering.

Queer joy helps sustain the struggle for social justice. Like we touched upon, all the hate and discrimination year-round is draining, and Pride gives us the opportunity to balance the fight for equality with a celebration. But it's important that we experience queer joy and stay empowered all year, not just in June, by creating an inclusive environment for all in the LGBTQ+ community.

Queer joy is also bittersweet.

While we celebrate the victories, we're often reminded that we still are not treated fully equal. Especially during June, we may reflect upon historic LGBTQ+ plus events, like the Stonewall Riots or the Pulse Nightclub Shooting, which illustrate the oppression and violence we face daily. And like we talked about last year, many of us struggle with some form of queer grief since we were forced to grow up quickly when we realized we were different as children. So, while queer joy is a pleasant feeling, it's also marked with some wistfulness.

But at the same time, it's resilient.

Despite it feeling like the pendulum swinging backwards sometimes and that we haven't made the progress we hoped we would, LGBTQ+ plus activism continues. There are still community members and allies raising their voices. And seeing large crowds attending Pride events can remind us of how resilient our community is. So queer joy is staying strong and continuing to take steps toward equality, even when times are tough.

And lastly, queer joy is for everyone. Everyone has a role to play in advocating for the LGBTQ+ community. Within the community, we must celebrate and advocate one another. And that means everyone, all genders, all races, all sexual orientations, all body types, everyone. And we also need our allies to advocate for us year-round. And for any allies listening, showing up and getting drunk at a Pride parade doesn't count. You need to raise your voices and stay educated year-round.

Queer Joy Matters (8:02)

So now that we know a little bit more about what queer joy is, you might be wondering, why does it matter?

Well, Outright Vermont, which is building a Vermont where all LGBTQ+ youth have hope, equity, and power, published an article in March 2024 titled Queer Joy as Empowerment. In it, Dana Kaplan, their executive director, wrote that queer joy is important because it will not only get us through the tough times, but it will make us thrive.

Here's an excerpt:

"Queer joy is truly something special. It's self-acceptance, community, power, and the vibrant celebration of identity. And it transcends mere happiness. It's about finding authenticity and courage in the face of oppression. It fosters hope, resilience, and belonging, and allows us to keep on keeping on in our collective journey towards liberation."

Dana goes on to explain that unapologetic expressions of queer joy like drag and ball culture, TV shows like Queer Eye, and young adult books like Heartstopper, they create pathways for self-acceptance and, bit by bit, advance a more accepting society. And seeing this kind of authenticity is not only important for us, but for LGBTQ+ youth who are coming to terms with their own identities.

I think I might have said this in one of the first episodes, but many of us grew up in a time where we didn't have queer role models or had limited visibility into authentic queer representation. So now, as adults, we can be the queer role models we needed to see so desperately for future generations to come.

Additionally, as Jessica Harwick noted in a 2021 Brooklyn Public Library article titled Celebrating Queer Joy During Pride, mainstream media still focuses on the narrative that being queer means being lonely, suffering from pain and fear, and dying young.

And while it's certainly important to acknowledge that pain and grief and trauma we've experienced from the adversity we faced as being members of the LGBTQ+ community that doesn't accurately represent the entirety of being queer. So, we need to be our authentic selves to show the queer joy we experience as LGBTQ+ people.

Stories of Queer Joy (10:10)

Also in 2021, CNN published an article illustrating what queer joy looks like. Some examples included having a partner or helping someone else out in the community, or something as simple as receiving a gender-affirming haircut or creating a gender-neutral line of clothing so that everyone can feel comfortable in the clothes they wear.

And here's a few quotes from the article that really stood out to me.

Kinnison Gallagher and Kenna talk about queer joy from their relationship. Kinnison said, "We had the space to better come into our queerness when we met each other. Once we met and fell in love, I never had a hesitation."

Kinnison went on to say that queer joy is the feeling of being fully seen by someone, while Kenna says it's about feeling safe in spaces the couple frequents.

Meanwhile, for Lauren Macadaeg, queer joy is finding their community. Here's their quote:

"Being queer/nonbinary for me is discovering my own uniqueness and finding community, which I have through roller derby. What I love about the skating community is, at any skill level, there is a sense of family and acceptance that I haven’t experienced anywhere else. Before derby, I knew I was on the spectrum of queer and pansexual, but I didn’t have the language or support until I met my derby mates who genuinely wanted to see me become my best self. My derby league was the first place I asked people to use they/them pronouns for me. I’m still figuring stuff out about myself, my gender and sexuality, and that’s OK. My teammates have always been my biggest cheerleaders on the track and in the skatepark.”

And Karen Cusson, a pastor and Executive Director at Victory Mission, said queer joy was authentically accepting herself. Here's her quote:

"In 2019, at the age of 69, I experienced an epiphany in my life that made me realize I could finally become who I really was — after knowing since age eight that I was not a boy — and shed the masks I was forced to wear once and for all. The joy and peace in life I have finally experienced as a result of beginning my transition in October 2020 has been incredibly profound. The last two years have, in many ways, been both terrifying and incredibly fulfilling as my true self has finally been able to emerge and thrive.”

The Queer Joy Project (12:18)

And to wrap this episode up, I want to talk about The Queer Joy Project. As the website describes, it's a multimedia project that celebrates other queer stories, daily lived experiences, moments of happiness, and serenity, each a form of resistance against today's political climate.

Amy Tien, an award-winning multidisciplinary artist who identifies as a queer Vietnamese Chinese American, is conducting interviews with LGBTQIA+ subjects around the world and working on the first component of The Queer Joy Project called The Collection, which is a book-length work, including essays, personal narrative, and poetry inspired by the interviews and Amy's experiences.

There are three additional parts of this project which will consist of a film, live multimedia performances, and a community-based platform. And if you're interested in supporting this project, you can complete a form to be considered for an interview.

Or, if you're a queer creative who is interested in getting involved in the project as a filmmaker, performer, or artist, you can also provide your information.

And I've included links to both of those forms in the episode description. So, check it out after the episode.

Episode Closing (13:26)

And connecting it back to the tarot. Ace of Swords, we are at the beginning of a new journey. And we can feel that motivating energy radiating through us.

We're ready to take the next steps forward in whatever our journey is. And while that could be scary at times, we need to look within and trust our intuition to know that we will be safe no matter where we step and that we are capable of achieving what we're looking to achieve.

And obviously, that's pretty general. You can apply to anything, whether it's career, relationship, you know, finance, whatever. But specifically with queer joy, maybe this is an opportunity, after listening to this episode, for us to really authentically be ourselves in ways we haven't before.

We can take that step forward to really embrace the joy in life, the queer joy in life. Yes, we've gone through some things. There's certainly been obstacles we've overcome. And like I said, at the top of the episode, it can be draining being a member of the queer community because of all the BS going on back and forth in the midst of another election.

But at the end of the day, while we can't control all those factors and how they impact us, we can control ourselves and how we react to those things. And in doing so, in the face of oppression, we can authentically be ourselves.

I think I've said this before, but obviously, we don't want, you know, anti-LGBTQ+ legislation coming our way and obliterating our rights. But at the end of the day, whatever comes politically, we are not going away.

Queer people are here. They've been here forever. We will continue being here in the future, and we will continue being our authentic selves.

And so now more than ever, we need to be brave to put away any masks of who we've been hiding and take that step forward to authentically be ourselves within the LGBTQ+ community, outside of that community so that we can really be seen, appreciated, and valued as the individuals we are.

Connect with A Jaded Gay (15:03)

So, as always, thank you for listening, and Happy Pride, my LGBTQuties. I hope you have been having an amazing Pride Month.

I hope you've had lots of fun, you've been staying safe, and, most importantly, you've been kind to one another. I just hope everyone has had a happy and healthy celebration wherever you're at.

And as I always say, I would love to hear from you, especially your Pride stories. Send me your queer joy stories that you've encountered during Pride this year because I would love to read those on the episode to really kind of hype our listeners up and just be excited about embracing the queer joy.

So, any episode feedback or any stories of queer joy, feel free to send my way rob@ajadedgay.com.

Please also remember to rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast. I greatly appreciate it. Share this with your friends and family to help spread the joy and hopefully educate others.

Also, you can check out the website for more information on episodes, resources, guest profiles, links to merchandise, and social, all that fun stuff, ajadedgay.com.

If you're feeling generous, you could support the podcast on Patreon for as little as $1 a month. That gets you episodes ad-free, a day early, and exclusive monthly bonus content. Lots of fun, so go check that out. If you don't feel like starting another subscription, don't worry, I get it. You can do a one-time donation on Buy Me a Coffee for any dollar amount. Again, both the Patreon and the Buy Me a Coffee are @ajadedgaypod.

And remember every day is all we have, so you got to make your own happiness.

Mmm-bye.

Outtake (16:49)

So, the card for this episode. Whoa. Lost my voice. The Ace of Swords. The Ace of Swords is providing us. Oh, my goodness.