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Snarky Opener (0:00)
Does anyone else greet their friends like, "Hey girl!" but then greet their boss like, "Hey girl."? Cause, me neither.
Episode Introduction (0:26)
Hello, my LGBTQuties, and welcome back to another episode of A Jaded Gay. I'm Rob Loveless, and today I'm a non-jaded gay because I had a super productive day yesterday. I got a ton of podcasting stuff done. Got some scripts planned ahead for episodes and in the months to come. You know, reached out, have some guests confirmed for down the road, so very excited about that.
I also put together a query letter for my new book that I'm trying to send out to some literary agents. Trying to manifest getting represented by the actual literary agent in 2024. So, I'm really excited about that. Really excited to get some professionals to actually read over my work and hopefully get accepted to be represented by them.
And especially because this book that I'm sending out is really fun, I think. I wrote it back in 2020 into 2021. Spent some time editing it, had some friends read it, but it's like totally different than Eleftheria or any of the other stuff I wrote. It's called Besties in Crime, and it's an action comedy where two estranged, down on their luck friends reunite amidst a breakup and divorce but then drunkenly burn down a house by accident and stumble into a mobster's scheme. So, it's basically like a combination of Will & Grace-inspired shenanigans and Schitts Creek's nuanced dark humor with like some comedic action scenes, like from True Lies or Killers.
So, it should be fun, we'll see. So, keep your eyes open for it. Maybe it'll be out in bookstores soon.
Code-Switching (1:47)
Anyway, from books to boundaries. Last week, we did touch upon boundaries, why they're so important and how we can start setting them for ourselves in 2024. So, I thought following that episode, it might be a good idea to talk about code-switching. Because I feel like this is another one of those terms we sometimes hear but don't fully understand or realize the negative impacts it can have on us.
And for those of you who may not be familiar with code-switching, it's basically when you change up your persona accordingly for different social situations to feel safe. And I think a common way we do that is how we show up at work. I mean, we may not tell the same personal stories to coworkers as we would to friends, which makes sense, but code-switching goes deeper when it refers to playing down our identities, whether it's race, gender identity, or sexual orientation, to mitigate chances of being rejected.
And for myself, personally, I found myself in situations where I've been afraid to be perceived as gay, like at work, so I've tried to adjust my appearance and mannerisms to avoid being outed. So, we're going to talk about that, what code-switching is, how we might be doing it without realizing and the negative impact it can have on us.
But first, let's pull that tarot card.
Tarot (3:00)
So, for this episode, we drew the Seven of Pentacles. And as you probably remember, Pentacles is tied to the element of earth. It's very grounding and stabilizing energy. And it's feminine in nature, so it's asking us to reflect and meditate. And Pentacles is really tied to prosperity, you know, putting in the hard work and reaping the rewards and the fruits of our labor. But I personally like to think of it as being representative of emotional prosperity. In numerology, seven is tied to inspired action and our inner magic.
So, when we pull this card, it's asking us to be patient as we're still growing. We're close to achieving what we want, but it's not time to celebrate just yet. It's basically telling us that there's still work that needs to be done until we achieve that milestone. And this isn't meant to be frustrating, but we need to pause and reflect on our progress and start channeling our inner magic so we can plan the inspired action we need to take to get to that win. Because ultimately, our achievements are a journey and not a destination.
You know, once you achieve this thing, what do you do then? You probably move on to the next thing. So, it's a repetitive cycle. We're always starting and working towards something. So, with that in mind, we need to trust that the universe has our back, that we're in the right place at the right time, and most importantly, we need to trust ourselves to discern what is the right course of action for us to take to move forward.
What is Code-Switching? (4:18)
So, with that in mind, let's kick off the episode with a more formal definition of code-switching.
Merriam-Webster defines it as the switching from the linguistic system of one language or dialect to that of another.
Britannica takes this a step further, stating that this process of shifting between linguistic codes depends on the social context or conversational setting. Initially, sociolinguists, and those are experts who study the sociological aspects of language, were interested in the circumstances that prompted members of a speech community to alternate between their native language and that of the majority population.
Early Observations of Code-Switching (4:53)
And in the United States specifically, code-switching was originally studied in the context of second-language acquisition as a process whereby native speakers of Spanish shifted from Spanish to English and vice versa. But code-switching was quickly noted even in populations that only spoke one language.
For example, sociolinguists studied this among African Americans who shifted between Standard English, which is a dialect of English, that is recognized as the quote unquote national norm in the United States, not my words. And what Britannica calls African American English, or AAE, which is an Africanized dialect widely spoken by Americans of African descent. Again, that's pulled from Britannica, not my words.
But because of this, for a long time, code-switching was predominantly associated with the BIPOC community. But more recently, it's been observed in other minority communities. And eventually, the term code-switching grew to encompass a set of behaviors beyond multilingualism.
Modern Definition of Code-Switching (5:53)
Now BetterUp, a human transformation platform dedicated to building an authentic workplace where people bring their full selves to the table, explains that this includes changing our mannerisms, our tone of voice, or linguistic code-switching between Standard English and a more relaxed vernacular.
So, a more modern definition of code-switching is the ways in which a member of an underrepresented group either consciously or unconsciously adjust their language, syntax, grammatical structure, behavior and appearance to fit into the dominant culture.
Types of Code-Switching (6:24)
And Health.com notes that there are two types of code-switching.
The first is language based, which is when a bilingual person might use one language to speak to some people and another language to speak to others.
And the second is culture based, which refers to other cultural expressions, including style of dress, physical mannerisms, and other forms of self-presentation.
Examples of Code-Switching (6:45)
So, with that in mind, here are a few examples of code-switching from BetterUp:
A Latina woman has called in for a job interview. She chooses an outfit and does her hair but decides not to get her nails done before the interview. Even though she takes a lot of pride in her appearance, she doesn't want to seem quote unquote, trashy or quote unquote, ghetto by painting her long nails.
A white man from the Midwest decides to go by his middle name instead of his full name when he moves to the East Coast. He's concerned his full name will make him sound quote, unquote, like a redneck.
And a Black man works in a high-end clothing store. Known for his loud voice and personality, he plays up effeminate mannerisms so he doesn't, quote unquote, put off the stores mostly white clientele.
Contextual Identity vs. Absolute Identity (7:28)
Now here are two more terms I'm going to throw at you: contextual identity and absolute identity.
So, our contextual identity are specific parts of ourselves that we share with others based off of the context or situation we're in. Meanwhile, our absolute identity is our full, authentic self. Now, we all want to fit in, and we tend to make subtle choices to be more quote unquote, acceptable to the groups we're in. And those choices represent our contextual identity. And this adaptability is at the core of the human experience.
But sometimes making those choices puts our contextual identity at odds with our absolute identity, our authentic selves. And when this happens, we're not choosing to adapt. Instead, we're being forced to hide, which is why code-switching can be so damaging to members of minority populations. Here's a quote:
"If the dominant culture runs counter to our own, we might feel like our quote unquote natural selves are unacceptable, unprofessional, unpalatable and undesirable."
Dr. Miles Durkee, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, who studies code-switching has mental and physiological effects, goes on to say that code-switching is basically shifting or manipulating one's behaviors to appeal to a different crowd or audience. And again, code-switching isn't specific to race, gender, or socioeconomic status.
Reasons Why People Code-Switch (8:52)
Now, there are four main reasons why people code-switch.:
And the first is fear of confirming stereotypes.
This is the most common conscious reason people code-switch, and it's to avoid validating negative stereotypes or calling unwanted attention to yourself. And this is also the most damaging form of code-switching because it leaves people feeling like they're not acceptable the way they are. Essentially, it creates pressure to maintain an inauthentic facade.
The next is to achieve a specific result.
This is when you try to integrate yourself into the dominant social group in order to get something you feel isn't possible if you don't fit in. People may worry that calling attention to their identity will put them at a disadvantage, so they may feel like they need to erase or tone down their cultural identity to prevent that. Here's a quote:
"In some extreme but not uncommon cases, this becomes a matter of survival. Black men and boys are often coached on how to act when they interact with law enforcement. In homophobic and transphobic environments, members of the LGBTQ+ community are often hyper aware of their appearance and behavior. These adjustments are the extreme side of trying to quote unquote, escape certain interactions without being quote unquote identified as a member of an underrepresented, and therefore targeted community."
The third reason is because they can't help it.
Not all types of code-switching are intentional. Sometimes when we're around people from different parts of our lives, we shift into that way of being.
And lastly, it expresses something that can't be said another way.
Some languages and cultures have words or shared experiences that don't translate well into the English language. So, when this happens, a person might feel like shifting back toward the language where identity is the best way to express how they feel. And when people blend elements of two different languages or cultures, it's known as code-mixing.
Effects of Code-Switching (10:40)
And if the concept of code-switching sounds exhausting to you, it is.
Talkspace notes that code-switching can be physically and emotionally draining, and overtime, the pressure to conform to a dominant culture can lead to burnout and emotional exhaustion. Concealing aspects of your identity may also result in negative feedback from people who are a part of your culture.
So, for example, if you code-switch at work, you might be accused of not acting like you're out in the workplace by being open about your sexuality.
Code-switching can also lead to feelings of guilt and cause people to withdraw socially. And in the workplace setting, some research has suggested that code-switching, in an attempt to avoid or prevent stereotyping, can eventually result in work performance issues over time. Specifically, burnout symptoms from code-switching may include:
Additionally, going back to Dr. Durkee, he found that code-switching also has physiological effects on individuals. Here's a quote:
"When we force individuals to code-switch when it doesn't come natural to them, it's now a stressor. It's a stress we're putting on people from marginalized identities, and that should be on the professional radar."
Gay Men and Code-Switching (12:01)
And putting code-switching into the scope of being gay, a 2019 Queerty article took a look at Redditors sounding off on quote unquote gay voice and whether they code-switch. Specifically, it took a look at if gay men consciously or subconsciously change the way their voice sounds around other people.
So, it all started out with a redditor posting this in Ask Gay Bros:
"Today, I met up with some classmates both female to work on a project for school. As I was there, I noticed I had a higher pitch to my voice than normal, almost stereotypical. However, I wasn't consciously trying to do it. It just came out that way. Does this happen with any of y'all as well?"
And someone commented back, saying that's called code-switching and we all do it. And a lot of users commented on the post with their own experiences of toggling different personas on and off.
One person said they allowed themselves to be quote unquote, gayer around people who knew they were bi.
Another said that everyone around him thought he sounded quote unquote normal and would have never guessed he was gay. But since he started being more open with his sexuality, his friend said he developed a little bit of a quote unquote, gay accent, which he then goes on to say increases by about 300% around his gay friends.
Someone also wrote about how their boyfriend changes his voice when he's talking to his mechanic, while another guy raises his voice in octave to seem less intimidating.
And quite a few guys said they modulate their voices for jobs.
And this last one I thought was pretty interesting as it ties to both sexuality and culture. One Redditor claimed he sounds quote unquote, stereotypically gay when he speaks English, but can pass for straight when he speaks Chinese.
Now that's tied to sounding quote, unquote, gay, which I don't want to get too into today, because I am planning a future episode on that. But I think that's a pretty clear example of a way we may code-switch without even realizing it. And I mean, I'm guilty of this myself. My friends have told me when I answer phone calls, my voice drops much deeper than it normally is.
A Matter of Life or Death (13:57)
Anyway, moving on to a 2019 Vice article titled The Exhausting Work of LGBTQ Code-Switching, author Madeleine Holden writes about how queer, trans and non-binary people have to do the extra work of changing how they speak, act and express themselves in everyday spaces.
She writes that while code-switching has often been associated with racial and ethnic minorities, it's also increasingly used to describe the way in which LGBTQ+ people adjust their presentation in spaces of varying tolerance. For example, gay clubs versus the office.
And for trans people, especially trans women of color, code-switching is literally a matter of life or death. And taking it back to code-switching with voices, the article says that gender presentation is more than just pitch. It also includes resonance, cadence, volume, vocabulary and non-vocal gestures during speech.
For example, and this is coming from research the article cites, men tend to be louder and often speak in a staccato as opposed to a fluid style. Meanwhile, women have a greater tendency, for example, to end sentences with quote unquote tag words like Right. And they also tend to use more eye contact and use more hand movements while speaking. Or for me, I'm just Italian.
Anyway, here's a quote from writer Vivian Wang:
"For many transgender people, sounding like their true gender is just as crucial to the transition process. And at times just as complicated as looking the part."
Examples of Queer Code-Switching (15:22)
So, to understand what code-switching looks like and why queer people engage in it, the author of the Vice article spoke to more than 30 trans men and women, non-binary people, gay men, lesbians, and bisexual people about it.
And many stated that they feel they can't present as openly queer or trans at work or around certain family members, so they code-switch in these environments. Some even said that making these adjustments was to avoid hate fueled violence, dysphoria inducing misgendering, rudeness, hostility and even just awkwardness.
Here are some passages from that article:
Court
Court, a 25-year-old sales engineer based in Portland, who previously identified as a lesbian, told me how their voice changed when they came out as non-binary.
"I would attempt to quote unquote masculinize my voice before that sort of stable, droning mutter," they said. "It was only after I realized I was gender fluid, neither man nor woman, that I became more comfortable slipping in and out of the more feminized voice I'd been so afraid of."
Court explained that this involves more animated, energetic pitch changes and use of the quote unquote, gay lisp.
"I still switch back to my more masculine voice and professional spaces and new environments," they continued, "since I fear inevitably getting clocked as she/her."
Teo
Teo, a 28-year-old PhD student in North Carolina, said that they code-switch in male dominated spaces, like the auto shop or hardware store, for safety.
"I'm assigned male at birth, non-binary/genderqueer, and I do a lot of femme presentation things like having painted nails, short shorts, and women's tank tops," they explained, telling me that when they run errands in male dominated spaces, they usually present significantly more masculine by hiding their painted nails and tucking their long hair under a baseball hat.
"The way I carry myself changes too," they continued. "I have a more naturally effeminate body comportment that I straightened out in those spaces."
Aubrey
Aubrey, a 26-year-old trans woman working as a grocery store cashier in Iowa, also notices that her speech and mannerisms change depending on how comfortable she feels around a customer. Early in her transition, her presentation was different.
"Code-switching into social queer mode was kinda scary. And I didn't do it a lot," she continued. "I talked quote unquote, like a guy for the most part. Switching to more masculine speech and mannerisms wears me out. There's a threshold of how much I can do it per day before my job performance and cheeriness starts to plummet."
And the article closes out with this:
"Code-switching illustrates an uncomfortable reality for LGBTQ+ people, which is that most spaces entail a high risk of violence, hostility and misunderstanding for them. And again, for Black trans women in particular, the risk of death. For LGBTQ+ plus people, especially QTPOC, code-switching is constant background labor that is often invisible to heterosexual cis folk."
Create a More Accepting Environment (18:13)
So, all that sounds pretty bleak. And this is a trickier topic to address because we can't solve code-switching necessarily by signing a petition or something like that. You know, we code-switch because of the environments we're in.
And right now, politically speaking, it hasn't been the most receptive environment for LGBTQ+ people. So, we need to keep doing the work to having our voices heard by showing up to elections, raising awareness about issues affecting the LGBTQ+ community, donating to LGBTQ+ causes, and basically standing up for our community. We need to start making sure we have more allies and advocates for us to create a more accepting environment so we may not have to feel that need to code-switch in certain situations.
And that kind of change doesn't happen overnight, so we still need to be persistent.
But one area we may want to focus some of our attention to is the workplace. And I know we already covered the importance of being out at work and how to do that in the Out in the Workplace episode. And it's been a little while since that one, so maybe take another listen to it after this. But obviously, the workplace is a common area where LGBTQ+ people may tend to code-switch. So, going back to the BetterUp article, they state that minority communities face a professional dilemma: should they suppress their cultural identity for the sake of career success, or should they sacrifice potential career advancement for the sake of bringing their whole selves to work?
And the role of leaders who foster inclusion is to eliminate that dilemma. And here are a few ways they can do that:
First off, employee resource groups, also known as ERGs.
These safe spaces can provide a place for people to say what's on their minds, ask questions, and even discover opportunities for professional advancement. It's a welcoming platform that allows people of the same community to drop their guards and connect with one on another.
Next is to center diverse leaders.
Having inclusive leaders who are visible within the company allow employees to see that they can be successful without having to compromise those quote unquote hidden aspects of their personality.
Next, dilute the dominant culture.
The more diverse workplaces, the less oppressive the dominant culture feels. Therefore, it's important to emphasize diversity in both overt and subtle ways. And this can be done by offering educational opportunities, inviting people in to speak and keeping the company accountable with diversity hiring strategies.
And I would personally recommend taking this one a step further. Instead of just hiring diverse talent, companies should also be promoting diverse talent, which can also help support centering diverse leaders.
And lastly, you need to continue educating yourself.
Leaders should learn how code-switching affects their employees. And once they begin to understand it, they'll see it everywhere and can work to better address it.
Episode Closing (20:57)
Now, that has a lot to do with company culture. And odds are, not many of us are CEOs. But we can still play a role in those initiatives in the workplace.
You know, we can participate in Employee Resource Groups and be visible ourselves. Or if our company doesn't have one, maybe we can find a sponsor to help set one up in the company. Or maybe there's an out employee on another team or at a higher job level, and you can reach out to them to network or maybe even for an unofficial mentorship.
We can also work with HR to suggest an LGBTQ+ diversity event. But above all else, we should make sure that we're also being inclusive and supportive of others to help others feel comfortable enough that they don't have to code-switch around us.
And again, I think just being out and visible and vocal can do wonders for helping to shape a more inclusive culture. And obviously, that's easier said than done, and it can feel really uncomfortable. So, use those boundaries we talked about last week to see what feels safe and right for you. And maybe try testing the waters with being out in the workplace or other places where you might have a tendency to code-switch.
But again, make sure you are always prioritizing your physical safety because that's the most important thing, first and foremost.
And tying it back to the Tarot, we are on the cusp of achieving what we want to achieve. But we're not there yet. So, we really need to use this time to be grounded and stabilized within ourselves to reflect and understand our inner magic so we can take that next inspired action forward, so we can achieve the results we want.
And just as we talked about with code-switching, people have different reasons for code-switching, and they really need to assess on their own and reflect internally to see what works for them. Because for too long, many have been forced to sacrifice, you know, do they put themselves in a position for career advancement by sacrificing their authentic selves, or vice versa? Do they live authentically at the risk of losing out on career advancement? And it's been like that for too long.
Fortunately, leaders are seeing that dilemma and are challenging that status quo to make a more inclusive workplace where people can authentically show up and be themselves. So now we're at this crossroads where we're saying, "What does it mean? What role can I play in this?" to either bring my more authentic self at work to hopefully, you know, empower others to do so the same way. Or what changes can I take within my company to create a more inclusive environment where we can eliminate the need for code-switching?
Again, that's not something we can change overnight. Just like the Seven of Pentacles, we're not quite there yet, and we shouldn't feel frustrated by that. Instead, we need to look at the progress we have made to feel inspired by that, and then internally focus to see what our next logical step is so that way we can move the piece forward. And that's exactly right with code-switching.
We have come a long way. A lot of companies do have DEI councils, they have employee resource groups, they participate in diversity events, such as Pride. So how can we show up in those platforms? How can we raise our voice? And how can we inspire others, both within the LGBTQ+ community, and outside of that, to make sure that work is a safe space for us to authentically be ourselves?
So really focus on that, think about it, think of our individual roles in that and maybe come up with some ideas of how you can work to build a more inclusive workplace in your own company.
Connect with A Jaded Gay (24:12)
So, code-switching. Yeah, odds are, we've all done it. And I'd love to hear from you.
If you've ever code-switched, if you've seen some common examples, how you've overcome code-switching in your workplace, feel free to share it with me rob@ajadedgay.com. Would love to hear your perspective to share it on a future episode because I think our individual experiences can help shed light for others who may be struggling in certain areas.
And you know the drill you can connect with podcast on Instagram, TikTok, SoundCloud and YouTube @ajadedgaypod. You can follow me personally, Rob Loveless, on Instagram @rob_loveless. Remember to check out the website ajadedgay.com. You can find more information about episodes, resources we talk about, guest profiles, links to social, merchandise, all that fun stuff.
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And remember every day is all we have so you got to make your own happiness.
Mmm-bye.
Outtake (25:50)
You can follow me personally, Rob Loveless, on Instagram @rob_loveless. Check out...*dog starts barking*...Oop, my doorbell just rang and that means somebody's here.
