The Sweet Side of Valentine’s Day? Discounted Candy on February 15
For many single people, Valentine’s Day looms as the most dreaded day of the year, and for good reason. In a society that’s largely heteronormative, LGBTQ+ people may already wrestle with feelings of isolation, only for those feelings to deepen when facing Valentine’s heightened focus on romance. For those who are single, the constant stream of romantic ads, social media posts, and grand gestures of affection can serve as painful reminders of what feels missing, making an already challenging day even tougher to navigate.
The Expectations of Romance
Many of us grew up with clear-cut expectations about romance, often shaped by Disney movies, rom-coms, and Valentine’s Day commercials. While these depictions are far from reality, they still influence our views, especially when we’re young and just starting to date. We form ideas about what love “should” look like, often expecting grand gestures and perfect moments, which can put a lot of pressure on special occasions like Valentine’s Day. Even as we recognize that Hollywood’s version of love is a fantasy, it can be hard to shake these ideals, leaving us feeling let down when real relationships don’t match the on-screen script.
Redefining Love Beyond Grand Gestures
We often equate the big displays of affection in romantic comedies or on Valentine’s Day with true love. But if you think about it, many of these grand gestures in movies are used to win someone back after a conflict. The main character might have done something hurtful, and then they make a sweeping, romantic move—showing up at a train station or buying a lavish gift—to magically resolve everything without addressing the actual issue.
In a real relationship, though, is that the kind of love we really want? If a partner hurts us, a big gesture might feel more like a distraction from the problem than a genuine attempt to make things right. When it comes to Valentine’s Day, I’d much rather see consistent, thoughtful gestures throughout the year than a flashy one-time effort. Real love, after all, is about the small, everyday acts that build trust and connection over time—not a single day of extravagance.
Expand Valentine’s Day to All Forms of Love
We often think of love as something purely romantic, but what about the people closest to us outside of romance—our friends and family? These relationships are filled with love, too, so why should Valentine’s Day be limited to romantic expressions? Imagine using this holiday to show appreciation for all the people who mean the most to us.
For instance, a friend of mine makes it a point to hug his friends goodbye and say, “I love you.” It’s a simple, platonic way to express appreciation. And looking back, I remember how my mom celebrated Valentine’s Day as a family occasion. She’d make a special dinner and set out a shoebox decorated like a mailbox with cut-out paper hearts nearby. In the days leading up, each of us would write down things we loved about each other on the hearts and slip them into the box. After dinner on Valentine’s Day, we’d read the notes aloud—small gestures, like thanking each other for helping with homework or making a favorite dinner.
These memories remind me that Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be confined to romantic love. It can be a beautiful opportunity to celebrate all the meaningful connections in our lives.
Embrace Self-Love on Valentine’s Day
While we’re rethinking Valentine’s Day beyond romance, let’s not overlook the importance of self-love. For many gay men, self-love can be challenging, and being single on Valentine’s Day might amplify feelings of loneliness. But instead of letting those feelings take over, why not make the day a celebration of yourself?
Consider treating yourself to a special dinner, buying something you've wanted, or setting up a relaxing spa night at home. Reframing Valentine’s Day as a celebration of love in all its forms, including self-love, can make the holiday feel a lot more inclusive and empowering. It’s a chance to embrace our relationship with ourselves and recognize that love—romantic or not—starts from within.
Make Valentine’s Day a Celebration of All Love
This Valentine’s Day, take a moment to prioritize self-love and connect with the people who matter most to you. Reach out to friends and family to let them know how much they mean to you—and perhaps consider skipping social media to avoid the endless stream of “highlight reel” couple posts that can sometimes stir up difficult feelings.
If you’re single, take this time to reflect on your relationship with yourself and consider ways to show yourself some love. Maybe treat yourself to a small gift, plan a favorite meal, or just enjoy a relaxing night in. Reframe Valentine’s Day as an opportunity for self-care and personal growth, rather than focusing on the pressures of romance.
And if you’re in a relationship, it might be helpful to assess how your partner shows love throughout the year. Are you truly happy in this relationship, or are you settling for the security of simply not being alone? Valentine's Day can be a reminder to consider whether this relationship aligns with your values and needs and to recognize any signs that may warrant a deeper look.
Ultimately, no matter your relationship status, use this day as a reminder to be kind to yourself and to nurture the bonds you have with those around you. Reach out to a family member, friend, or chosen family to share your appreciation, and do something nice for yourself—even if it’s as simple as ordering your favorite meal. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be solely about romantic love; it can be a celebration of love in all its beautiful forms.
And remember. Every day is all we have, so you've got to make your own happiness.
For more information on this topic, listen to Episode 44. Forget Valentine's Day.
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