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Description: In this episode, Susan shares her unique perspective on life challenges and how they can be occasions for transformation. Drawing from her own experiences, she provides insights and tools that can help others all over the globe to...
Description:
In this episode, Susan shares her unique perspective on life challenges and how they can be occasions for transformation. Drawing from her own experiences, she provides insights and tools that can help others all over the globe to find peace in the face of adversity.
Shownotes:
When Susan took a chance and moved away from her hometown, she found that being grateful helped her heal from trauma. She became a successful producer and TV executive, but her marriage was hard and violent. Susan took charge of her life and rewrote her past by meditating, being patient, and looking at herself. She had a tough childhood and has utilized what she learned to help other people learn, grow, and become the best versions of themselves.
In this episode, you will learn the following:
What was Susan's toxic relationship was like, and how did she recover from it?
How did her chosen path become the most fulfilling and developmental experience of her life?
How gratitude helped her to see her prior events in a more positive light.
Connect with Susan Gold:
Connect with Sabine Skvenberg:
https://www.instagram.com/sabinekvenberg/
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TRANSCRIPT
00:00:00 Sabine: Hello, my name is Sabine Skvenberg, founder and host of BECOME. The content will inspire you to reach your aspirations and become the best version of yourself. I feature interviews with successful individuals from various industries, delving into their personal and professional journeys and their strategies to achieve their goals. We have to become the person we are meant to be first so we can live the life we are destined to live. That means we must overcome challenges and work through difficult times to learn, grow, and become the new, more fabulous version of ourselves. I'm so glad that you're here. Let's get on this journey together.
00:00:54 Sabine: My guest today is the magical Susan Gold. Susan has navigated a ferociously challenging upbringing, facing ingrained, outdated, and patriarchal programming head on. As an adult, she has bravely moved forward to transform her traumatic experiences into opportunities for growth and personal transformation. In this episode, Susan shares her unique perspective on life changes and how they can be occasions for transformation. Drawing from her own experiences, she provides insights and tools that can help others all over the globe to find peace in the face of adversity. Through her work, Susan is on a mission to help people transform their lives and rise above the pain and trauma of their past. Join us as we delve into Susan's journey and discover how we too can learn to transform our traumatic experiences into opportunities for growth and personal transformation.
00:02:07 Sabine: Welcome, Susan. Where are you chiming in from and how are you today?
00:02:14 Susan: Sabine, thank you so much for having me. I am in the beautiful mountains of Montana, and I could almost walk to Canada. It's 4 miles to the border.
00:02:25 Sabine: Oh, wow. So it's probably pretty cold there right now, right?
00:02:30 Susan: Yeah, it's in the 30s. We've had a few patches of really frigid weather, but it's been pretty mild.
00:02:39 Sabine: When you say it's in the 30s, for me, it's freezing cold. As you know, I live in Florida, as you can see, our closing gives away where we live. Well, that's great. I really can't wait to dive into your story. I find it interesting that some people are defined by their story and their upbringing. And staying in these circumstances while others break and transform. And I have the feeling you fall into the second category. But before we go into the story, I read one of the quotes on your website and says, "Living the path of truth and authenticity is not for the weak hearted. It's one of ultimate freedom." What do you mean by that?
00:03:37 Susan: Well, for me, the easier, softer weight Sabine would be to hide under the covers. I would have never left my little hometown at 17 the morning after I graduated from high school. But I knew in my heart there was more and that I had to stand up and take that risk. And that's been a theme throughout my life. Not the easier, softer way, but definitely the most rewarding and the most evolutionary for my soul.
00:04:11 Sabine: I cannot agree more, because, quite frankly, through adversity and going, the more difficult path is when we grow. That's where the most growth happens. And you had quite a career in New York and LA. You were known for matching celebrities to brands. You were a TV and film producer. So tell us more about your first career.
00:04:40 Susan: Wow. Well, growing up in my family home, I used to watch Barbara Walters on my belly, on my beanbag in the basement. I was so chawned by this woman and wanted to be just like her. And I ended up going to New York City. That's the place that I really wanted to go. And I ended up being Barbara's exercise trainer. And one morning I knocked on her door at 07:00 AM and she knew immediately something had happened, something was wrong. And I didn't want to share that personal information with her. But she was an incredible interviewer, and she got it out of me. I was harassed in the workplace, and she volunteered to come to work that morning and confront my boss with me.
00:05:21 Sabine: Wow.
00:05:21 Susan: And I said, yeah, no problem. That's okay. I'm going to handle it. And I did confront that boss who promptly fired me. And rather than go back into another assistantship, I decided to launch my own town brokerage firm in New York City. I was 25, and I had not much money in the bank. I had gotten out of an abusive relationship. The gentleman held the purse strings, so to speak, and I was under that illusion. But I decided to step up and take the risk. So I did. And my first deal was to knock on the factory door and convince Andy Warhol, the modern art master, to do a commercial for Pontiac.
00:06:08 Sabine: Oh, wow. That's amazing. But it's also interesting that you said that. Now, Barbara Walters recently passed away, and she was truly an amazing woman who got a lot out of the interview partners that she had and that you had that experience with her and she was able to help you. That is a beautiful memory I'm sure that you will treasure forever, and that also helped you move forward to your next career, so to speak, right?
00:06:45 Susan: Yes. She was really supportive of women, amazingly supportive of women.
00:06:50 Sabine: So how long did you stay in New York?
00:06:53 Susan: I was there about a decade, and I was very successful matching celebrities to brands, and that actually led me into television. Roger Ailes was running CNBC at the time, and he had his own talk network called America's Talking. And somehow they reached out to me and asked could I bring celebrities to his America's Talking Network? So I said, "Oh, sure. No problem." And of course, they weren't flocking. So one night, I grabbed the cameraman and we went to some charity red carpet event, and I stuck the mic in the celebrity spaces, interviewed them about the event and then had them look direct to the camera and say, I'm so and so. You're watching America's Talking, and it became this phenomenon, and we had all these celebrities running on the network, and it looked like an endorsement of America's Talking. So that caught Roger's attention, and he invited me to produce any show I wanted on the network and then invited me to help launch Fox News Channel.
00:08:00 Sabine: Oh, wow. That is quite a story. So what made you leave New York and move to LA?
0:08:11 Susan: So, opportunity, for one. But I really felt, Sabine, that I was becoming a caricature of myself. I had trouble really finding connection. I had a little cabin up in the catskills, and I would go Friday night and I wouldn't return to the city until Monday morning. And I just was living to get into nature, and my routine was very rigid. I had to go to the gym, I had to do certain things, and I was finding it harder to socialize. I couldn't make plans and keep them. So I just felt like my time was ticking down. And I got a phone call from a very dear friend who had gone out to LA to run a talk show, and she said, "I want you to come out here. I need you to bring celebrities to the table for the talk show." And I said yes immediately. And then I panicked.
00:09:11 Sabine: So why did you panic?
00:09:15 Susan: It was a huge shift. I mean, I had to envision myself in New York City since I was young. I mean, I was probably ten years old, and I knew I wanted to be there, and I felt comfortable there. I knew how to push the buttons, I knew the players, I had fairly good income, I had clients, and here I was going to new territory. But I also knew that I wasn't intuitively going to stay in New York City my entire life. And I felt like opportunity comes for a specific reason, and if you're strong enough, just take it. So I thought I was going to LA for my career, which did blossom, but really, I think I went to LA to meet one of my biggest gurus, who is my ex-husband.
00:10:01 Sabine: All right , that is an interesting combination. Your biggest guru, now ex husband. So tell us more about what that quote unquote, "guru" relationship was. What did it give you?
00:10:18 Susan: Well, I was since the second grade, and Billy Fritz attached at the hip to any kind of male attention. And friends used to say, you know, when I'm in adulthood, I'm so powerful, you're so powerful, you're so accomplished. But I never really felt that I always had to be in some kind of relationship or I just felt like I was going to be annihilated. I mean, it was so strong, and that was costing heavily, but I didn't quite realize it as I was going through it. And I met my ex-husband and thought I met the man of my dreams. I mean, he said the right things, he had the right look, he had the right career, all the material things, right? But I also felt like we connected as individuals, and we did. It just wasn't the connection that I was hoping for. Because ultimately what I discovered was he did seem like he was right out of the movies because he had a false construct and persona. And when the mask fell, it was incredibly painful.
00:11:37 Sabine: Wow. When the mask fell.
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00:13:55 Sabine: I think a lot of people can relate to that, that sometimes we are blinded by an outer appearance and by quote unquote "acting." Someone acts a certain way, but then when we get to know them and we get under the cover so to speak, and reveal the core, then we see other things, and it can be even painful, physically or mentally. So I hear you. Wow. But good for you that you made that transition out of that relationship so that you felt better after all, I suppose, right?
00:14:39 Susan: Well, it was the journey to begin. I did not want my family to break up. At that time, I had a son. We had a son together. I had purchased a home for our family, just like a coveted jewel in Southern California. I didn't want my lifestyle to change, and I didn't want to be abandoned by my husband. So I did everything I could to keep our marriage together. And finally he just crossed his arms and his eyes went into those cold slits, and he said, "I'm hiring an attorney and I'm filing for divorce." And that was the universe doing for me what I could not do for myself because I was going to hang on to the nail and I was going to make this work. I didn't want a broken home for my son, but I felt the toll that it was taking on everyone, and we all had to step up and face it, and it was difficult.
00:15:43 Susan: My ex husband did not leave our family home. He remained in the master bedroom, and I was in a partial conversion in the garage, on a mattress, on the floor, in a home that I purchased and maintained for our family. And that is the metaphor for the relationship and what I was allowing myself to carry and the demonstration that I was allowing for my son. So I really had to face it. And it took that kind of billboard falling on my head for me to wake up to the circumstance.
00:16:25 Sabine: Yeah. It's so beautiful how you said that the universe is giving us the clues. The universe is giving us the two by fours right onto our heads to wake up, to realize, look, holding onto that comfort, not even if it's comfort, but that comfort zone, that zone that we know because we are afraid and fear stepping in because we don't know what's on the other side. And for so many people, it's holding them back. But how did you get over that whole thing? When did you realize? Because what I sense here is that you really had to get through that stage where you just had to be still, to transform, to finally get those wings like the butterfly like the symbol of my podcast.
00:17:26 Susan: Which is so beautiful, Sabine, and I just want to compliment you for getting this messaging out and the theme of your podcast because it has great meaning for so many of us, especially in these times today. So thank you from the bottom of my heart, I want to say that that lesson probably was one of the biggest of lifetimes, and standing up to it felt absolutely monumental. And it took every tool I had in my kit to go through that experience. I was an endurance athlete. I needed that type of training that I had to get through this. I was a longtime meditator. I learned how to sit in silence for hours at a time and not make eye contact, and that's what I needed to do to get through this. When you divorce someone you think may be a narcissist, there can be no contact. They just loop you back in. They know how to push the buttons, and it's very deceiving. And I had to be stealing to get through this and keep no contact within our home with the man I had loved and cherished.
00:18:51 Susan: And that's what I held for a year until the agreement was reached. I wrote him his six figure check and he left and went right on to the next candidate, because that's typical. That's the behavior. And the more I wanted to make him accountable, the more I wanted him to stand up, the more that would backfire right on me. I just had to use that as a lesson to who he really was and what I was allowing. And it was a powerful lesson, and one, I am grateful.
00:19:32 Sabine: That says a lot that you said, I am so grateful for this lesson. A lot of people are bitter or become bitter and just shut off and don't see this as a jumping board to their next greater adventures or turning into their next best self. And so I like what you said, being grateful for this lesson. And if anybody can learn something, be grateful for what you have right now. Be grateful to have the air in your lungs, right? And with gratitude, that helps us take our focus away from the things that hurt, because our mind can only focus on one thing at a time, our conscious mind. And if we finding ourselves in a dire situation or feel pity for ourselves, shift to gratitude. Be grateful for what you have right now and be grateful for the things, the beautiful, wonderful things to come. So thanks for sharing that and sharing your lesson.
00:120:45 Sabine: Now, you wrote a book, or let me put it this way, yes, you wrote a book, but it's not yet released. It will be released on March 21st. And I'm so excited to share this news with my listeners because I can only imagine how beautiful this book is going to be. The title of the book is Toxic Family: Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom. Can you tell us a little bit more about your book?
00:21:20 Susan: Sure, I'm happy to. It was a long process. I think I was told in 2007 for the first time by an Irish seer that I had a book to write, and I heard it repeatedly, but I didn't want to take the time or the theme that it takes, the self examination, certainly in memoir. But finally it became obvious that it was time, and it was an incredible exercise to sit down and string it all together and see with clarity how each piece has specific meaning for the evolution of who I am becoming here as a human being on the Earth. And even though I had been told that I had a powerful story, I didn't really believe it. I thought it was sort of milk toast, like McDonald's, Grade A. Everybody's got the same story. But now that it's down on paper, I see that's not true and that I do have a lot to share. And I hope that people can take from my experience and garner their own power and more importantly, their own self love.
00:22:33 Sabine: Oh, that is beautiful. And what you said is so true. We always think my story doesn't count. Who am I to share my message? But I say, who are you not? And everybody has a unique story. That's what I help my clients with. I have a program called the Celebrity Signature Message, and I help my clients to really discover that we all are celebrities. You know, we don't have to be in front of a TV camera to be a celebrity. We all have that celebrity status, meaning the uniqueness, the very important person that you are for another person. So I like what you said that. Now saying or seeing the title of your book was that are you exposing any of your family members or any traumatic experience that you have doing this publicly? I mean, I know if you talk to a psychiatrist or whatnot. It's a different story. But you literally shouting it out to the world through your book.
00:23:53 Susan: So here's how I feel about it, Sabine, and I've had that question come my way quite a bit. I feel like we need to be brave. We need to stand up and we need to talk about our truth. And it's not so shameful. So many people have had similar experiences, but we keep it all tucked in, especially in the corporate system that's just broken. So I have to say, I've been a bit of a trailblazer not knowing it. And I want to say that I love my family. I have deep respect for the roles my parents played. They have helped me so much. And when people read the book, they're going to wonder about that statement that I just made. How can you make that statement after what you've experienced? But I see it now with tremendous love for all of the players and all of the experience, just like I see my ex- husband as a loving guru.
00:25:03 Susan: These lessons, if I'm willing to look at the underbelly and really explore that mossy, dirty, stale energy under there, if I can just air it out and view it from the perspective of heaven rather than 3D Earth. There's so many gifts and so much opportunity. So I really am appreciative of my family. And I know we shared a little bit before we started our conversation. Toxic Family was not my initial title. My initial title was Magical Illumination, because that's what it's been for me. It's been such a gift to really thread this through. But honestly, we have a Toxic Family and toxic lineage. It was hurt and abused children, raising hurt and abused children and the truth needs to come out.
00:26:09 Sabine: I cannot agree more and I applaud you for doing this. As you said, many people are too afraid to talk about it and a lot of things are being pushed under the rug. And if we keep doing it, we cannot heal, cannot change. But if we put it out into the open, then other people feel an invitation of hey, I can do this, too. I can say it out loud, let the world know what's going on. Only when we are aware of our circumstances and what's going on can we change. If we are not aware, we're just going to stay in that old pattern that we so need to break. Now, if someone would like to get in touch with you, maybe they need some counseling. How can they do that?
00:27:13 Susan: Well, thanks for asking. I invite anybody to go to susangold.us. That's susangold.us and get on my email list. And you can also send me an email if you like, directly at info@susangold.us. And I would love to offer anyone that would like a 15-minute free conversation with me to see how we might be able to help each other.
00:27:44 Sabine: That is so gracious of you. Thank you so much, Susan. You are such a beautiful soul and I see this book going out into this world, changing so many lives, touching so many lives. Thank you for this beautiful conversation and the advice that you shared with us today.
00:28:06 Susan: Thank you, Sabine.
00:28:09 Sabine: That was my interview and if you enjoyed it, give us a five star review, leave a comment and share it with your friends. Thanks for listening until I see you again. Always remember, serve from the heart, follow your passion and live the life you imagine.
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