Day 220: The Pizza and Pasta Phase [Dr. Tita Gray]

Eva (00:08):
This is a story about what happens when you have breast cancer told in real time.

Kristen (00:15):
Hello. Lovely. How are you?

Tita (00:18):
Hey. What's going on? I'm good. Thank you.

Kristen (00:20):
Your color is better, by the way, than I've seen you in a while. And so I think that's because we're done with chemo. Am I right?

Tita (00:28):
Probably. I don't notice a difference. It's just the days are all blurred after a while, but I'm glad. I'm glad it might be because there's been a little sun outside too, a little.

Kristen (00:39):
Yeah. There you go. It just seems like there's a little more pink to you today.

Tita (00:44):
Okay.

Kristen (00:44):
Yeah. And so how are you feeling since chemo is over?

Tita (00:49):
Oh, a lot better. That stuff is just poison. Well, I'm not nauseous anymore. I don't have to worry about smells of things. I just, for a while there, it was like bath accessory stuff made me nauseous, lighting a candle, the smell made me nauseous, certain foods that I would just normally eat all of a sudden. But the thing is crazy is that I had to eat in order to not be nauseous. So I had to, it's like cereal became a really good friend.

Kristen (01:22):
Because it doesn't smell much.

Tita (01:24):
Right. There's no odor there. And just eating more fruit and stuff. So it's good. But now I just, I've been taking advantage of sort of eating like a pig, but I've been just loading up on carbs, so I have to cut it out. I don't want to put the weight back on that I had previously.

Kristen (01:45):
Did you lose or gain during chemo or kind of stay the same? Do you know?

Tita (01:50):
I lost about 12 pounds, but my doctor did not want me losing weight because it wasn't gradual. It just kind of happened fast, and she was just really worried. But I was like, yuck, what am I supposed to eat?

Kristen (02:06):
They like it when you gain weight during chemo, they really do.

Tita (02:10):
Yeah.

Kristen (02:12):
And so taking care of yourself now and indulging a little bit, you got to have some grace and do what you need to do for yourself.

Tita (02:18):
Yeah, I've been eating pizza and pasta and stuff, so I'm going to cut it out, but it just felt good to be able to just do it. And with all the scents and the aromas and all of that, the spiciness, I've just been loving it. Yeah.

Kristen (02:35):
Yeah, absolutely. It's like a whole new world again, right?

Tita (02:40):
Yeah.

Kristen (02:41):
So a lot of people wonder why is there chemo before surgery or before radiation and all of that. And did your doctor tell you why with that?

Tita (02:51):
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I didn't, because I have a triple negative and it's an aggressive form of breast cancer, I definitely had to have chemo. There's always concern that it might get in your bloodstream or your bones and lay dormant. So they really do make you go through an aggressive form of chemo. And then that's why I'm having a mastectomy, just because I want to be on the cautious side. It feels very creepy that a body part is being taken off. It feels kind of like I'm having a leg or arm,

Kristen (03:28):
It's an amputation.

Tita (03:29):
It's being removed. Yeah, it's being removed to save my life. And I could have probably had a lumpectomy, but it's probably not the smartest thing to do. So I have to do radiation after this and then pray that there are no residuals showing up anywhere. Because if there is, she's saying that I might have to do a pill, which is chemo. So my last thing I want to have to do is be off of it for a few months and then go back on it again.

Kristen (03:57):
Yeah. Speaking of that, your surgeries coming up and has your doctor told you a lot about what that's going to entail?

Tita (04:04):
Well, I mean, I've seen, I know how it's going to look in the distance of my body. I know, she also showed me pictures of how it can look afterwards based on body size and type.

Kristen (04:17):
That's cool.

Tita (04:18):
Everybody is different. It might look this way, it might look that way. But I still have to go get blood work done tomorrow because when my blood work came back from the last time, my white blood count was still very low. And I'm the one who brought it up too. I said, Hey, are we going to be able to really do the surgery, cuz my white blood count is low, so I started taking my vitamin B, which really does help. It's very strong vitamin B, and I'm praying that tomorrow when I go to get blood work, everything is okay. But what I was going to say is it's weird that having cancer, especially going into my 63rd birthday and stuff with this, because when they're going through the list of, what is it called? The person who gives you the stuff that puts you to sleep, the

Kristen (05:05):
Anesthesiologist?

Tita (05:06):
Anesthesiologist just called me the other day asking about history. Oh, did you have this? Had that have you? And I'm like, no, no, no, no. I've broken a bone, so I've had surgery for that, but I've never had any major illness. I don't have hypertension, I don't even have things that are inherently associated with being African-American. So it's just like, am I a little bit overweight? Yeah, probably. But nothing that is life-threatening.

Kristen (05:38):
Right.

Tita (05:39):
So it's just weird that it's like, yeah, but I have breast cancer.

Kristen (05:44):
I know. And so how long is your surgery supposed to last?

Tita (05:50):
I think about three hours. And I am spending the night. I had the choice to go home same day or stay overnight. And I was just like, I'm staying overnight. Let me just be able to be there. I feel more comfortable if there's anything weird that happens, or at least having an understanding of what I need to do, how I'm going to feel, and I want to know that in the hospital as opposed to when I'm with my friends and they know even less than I do. So I was like, yeah, if I can do that, I'm going to take advantage of staying overnight.

Kristen (06:24):
Sure. And you just dunno if you're going to be nauseous after the anesthesia or with the pain meds. They can keep an eye on it for you and kind of get you regulated and stuff like that too. And your surgeon, what's your surgeon's name?

Tita (06:38):
Dr. Hardman.

Kristen (06:40):
Okay. And so you feel good about her?

Tita (06:42):
Yep. I like her thoroughness. I like the fact that she took the time to show me pictures and told me, at first, I was like, well, I heard it's really painful. And she said, actually, it's really not unless there's an infection or something, or stitches get busted and you have to come in and have it redone. But she said, you're just going to be able to take Tylenol, and that should suffice. You shouldn't have to have any other pain medicine. And she said, it's just going to be a little discomfort because you have to lay on your back and you can't really do much with your arms and lifting anything. And I was just kind of like, well, I broke my shoulder before and having to lay like this is the absolute worst for a couple of weeks. And so I was just like, yeah, I'm okay. I'm good.

Kristen (07:31):
And you have some comfy pajamas that opened in the front and all that kind of stuff.

Tita (07:35):
Yeah.

Kristen (07:35):
You're ready. And so you said you're going to be staying with some friends, and where's Toby going? Is he going with you?

Tita (07:42):
He's going to a pet hotel.

Kristen (07:44):
He's going to the pet spa.

Tita (07:47):
Yeah. I can't because he's used to a regiment at home, but I would rather him be where I know he's going to be taken care of and he's going to have fun.

Kristen (07:56):
Absolutely. That's great. I didn't ask you about, you did some traveling too, right? Did you do a work trip?

Tita (08:04):
Yeah. It was crazy too, because it was a week after I had my last chemo. And I don't know, God and the angel Gabriel must've been looking out for me when I was there, because I wasn't nauseous. I ate, I went to the events. My boss, I went out to dinner with my two bosses and we had tapas and we were in DC. And then the next two days, instead of going home after that, I went to my good friend who I call my cousin, but I stayed at her, she just bought a new house, and I've never seen it, so I did see it before I left. So it was great to be in her new house. And I stayed there for a couple of days and we just cooked food and me and her and her partner laughed and joked. So it was awesome.

Kristen (08:53):
That's great.

Tita (08:53):
And like I said, I didn't feel nauseous. And the funny thing is I didn't feel nauseous on the plane there. I didn't feel nauseous on the plane back. So I had to come back, I had to get Toby, I had to bring him home. As soon as I got home, and I literally gave Toby his food, made sure he was cool, I regurgitated three different times.

(09:21):
It was like God was like, I'm going to let you have this trip. You're not going to be sick one time. I'm going to let you really enjoy yourself. And I had my own hotel room and everything. And at my friend's house, if I was sick, they would've just been like, Hey, lay back, don't touch a thing, we got you. And I had my meds with me. I didn't even need to take them. But when I got home three different times, I was just laying over the toilet. And Toby was just at one point so scared. He just came in the bathroom and was just standing there and everything. So yeah.

Kristen (10:00):
Isn't that crazy? It's like your body held it off. It's completely, well, I'm glad that you got to have a good trip, and I'm glad that you're feeling better. And so did they tell you how long after surgery before you can lift laundry or?

Tita (10:18):
Yeah, she said the first week, please don't do anything cuz we don't want your stitches to come apart, and we don't want you to do anything to your body that's going to, just be easy. I took off almost three weeks from work, not because I feel like I had to, but if I feel like I can, the first week, I'm not going to worry about work. The second week, I'll probably chill with that too, cuz my boss is going to be just cut it out. You know what I mean? But if I have to answer a few emails, no big deal. But they overall said that your healing is really based on you, based on your body. And I've been known to heal pretty quickly, but I would say what they say is two weeks to three weeks.

Kristen (11:06):
That's fantastic. And I love how confident you are just in your decisions, in your medical team, and in your body's ability to heal itself. That is like 90% of all of this too, is your outlook on it.

Tita (11:23):
Yeah. I mean, I don't need them for, for vanity, I don't need them. I'm not feeling like, oh my God, I'm not going to look like a woman anymore. I don't feel that. Now after it happens, there might be that sense of, wow, I feel awkward, or I feel weird. I don't know. But I do know that I don't want to have to go through this shit again.

Kristen (11:47):
Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm really glad that you're going to get this piece done and you'll, they'll do a biopsy obviously, on whatever tissue they find, and then you get a little bit more information too from that. And so that'll help to make decisions going forward. And you mentioned that the radiation is on the plan now.

Tita (12:13):
I didn't want it, and I don't know how much of it I have to have if there's a standard, but that's what my oncologist wants to be on the safe side. So we'll see. She knows I don't want any more to do with any of this. I'm just completely done.

Kristen (12:32):
Well, and lymph node involvement dictates a lot about what radiation looks like too.

Tita (12:38):
Okay.

Kristen (12:39):
Just as an FYI, since I did have lymph node involvement, I had some pretty extreme radiation. It was five days a week and it was every day. And there's a physicist that was assigned, and you had some little tattoos, so they would line you up and all of that. And so it just kind of depends on what the radiation oncologist prescribes, and then also what your pathology looks like after the pathology from the tissue that they take. It's all very different based on what your pathology looks like.

Tita (13:13):
I try to tell people that when they ask questions about cancer. It's so funny, somebody was telling me the other day was trying to be helpful with saying, oh, I have a friend who is just on the other side of it right now, and I could let you talk to her. And she's just having a port put in or something like that. And I said, well, everybody's situation is very different. I said, I'm in a support group. I have people around me who are helping me. So one more person, I don't really want to talk to one more person who's actually going through at a different stage. I said, for example, I've had a port in since I started. She's like, oh, I see. So I said, everybody's journey is very, very different based on their body and their immune system and any other health issues they might have.

Kristen (14:02):
And the type of cancer

Tita (14:04):
Yeah.

Kristen (14:05):
Literally triple negative, whatever it is. Everything is, people think, oh, it's breast cancer, you do it all the same. No, it's like everything is a little bit twisted, a different way and dialed in. You mentioning your port reminded me, are they taking your port out with surgery?

Tita (14:22):
I have no idea.

Kristen (14:24):
Okay. I was just curious.

Tita (14:25):
Yeah, I'm curious too, but I don't know. That's one thing I'm going to ask, but I have a feeling they might, I don't see the need for it, even though I am going to have immunotherapy after, and usually they've gone through the port to do that, but it's not like it's going to be six or seven things. It'll be one thing. So maybe it'll just be a needle, regular needle.

Kristen (14:50):
I think it kind of depends on also how it affects your veins. Right? Because I mean, with the chemo and all the different things they were putting in there, it can really mess up your veins and all of that. And so yeah, I think that that would probably be the only reason that they would leave it in.

Tita (15:07):
So how do you give the radiation?

Kristen (15:10):
Oh rhe radiation is in a machine. I'll have to send you some pictures of what I looked like, but you literally lay on a bed and there's a machine that moves around you.

Tita (15:19):
Oh, that's crazy.

Kristen (15:21):
Yeah. The radiation is, it's actually delivered through beams.

Tita (15:25):
Oh, okay. It's like you're being fried.

Kristen (15:27):
Yeah, truly. I had a wicked sunburn. I think I have five or six tattoos, little teeny black dots, and that help the women line me up. And so they knew exactly where to go with the beams.

Tita (15:43):
That's so funny.

Kristen (15:43):
I know. So the radiation is not something that's intravenous. It's something that's topical, if you want to say it that way. But that was usually about six to eight to 10 weeks after surgery, and so you're not even close to that. And I think also after they look at the pathology, they'll be able to tell you a little bit. But do you have any questions?

Tita (16:11):
No. I just think for me, it's just getting through this phase. I think I'll have a little bit more insight or things to really talk about to bring to the listener once I go through this phase and then be able to just share that. So for me, I just want to be able to, I'm starting to do a little stretching here and just really be good to my body, but also just be good to my mind too. Still really, this does take a toll on you emotionally, even if you think you've gotten past one hurdle, there's still stuff that has to be done. So I'm still kind of in the fight and I'm trying to make sure that I stay emotionally grounded.

Kristen (17:00):
Sure. Well, yeah. And it's hard because people do mean well and they just sometimes just don't know what to say and they get nervous and they make it a little worse.

Tita (17:12):
Well, that's why I haven't really shared it. I haven't put it out there on social media or anything like that. I have a small circle of people that know, and I did that purposely because people don't know what to say. They don't know what to do. They don't know how to act, and I just really, I'm like, I'm going through this and I don't know what to say, what to do, how to feel, how to act. So the last thing I do is want to have to manage your expectations and your feelings.

Kristen (17:41):
And that's so smart. We talked about that at the beginning too, and you were aware of that.

Tita (17:46):
Yeah, and I don't need that kind of attention either to make myself feel better. I'm good. I got what I need.

Kristen (17:55):
I'm going to be really glad when you get this past you, I feel like there's kind of like three stages, right? Well, there's a lot more because the diagnosis is like it's whole, boom, but in the treatments there's chemo and it's like check big, big, big check. And then it's get the cancer out or get all the tissue out, and then the next, and it's healing, and then possibly radiation. And then there's the after piece.

Tita (18:25):
And then there's the neuropathy as well.

Kristen (18:27):
How is that? What's going on with that?

Tita (18:29):
I mean, it's just in my toes and a little bit of my fingertips. But in my fingers, I do believe that the vitamin B is helping. My toes, they're a little uncomfortable, but they're not, I can walk well, I can do what I need to do. It's not preventing me from that, but it's still a little uncomfortable and it looks horrible cuz it's blue color.

Kristen (18:53):
Isn't it weird? Did your nails change color?

Tita (18:56):
Yeah. Yeah.

Kristen (18:57):
Okay. I have a question for you, because this was a big deal for me. How are your toenails?

Tita (19:03):
Yeah, they're weird. They're just doing weird shit. I feel like a crow.

Kristen (19:09):
So do you have black underneath your big toes?

Tita (19:12):
Yeah. It's just they're discolored.

Kristen (19:15):
Yeah. I call 'em chemo toes. I remember going into my oncologist and I was like, well, yeah, my chemo toe. She goes, you're chemo toe? And I'm like, yeah, look at it. And still, it took a while, like a year for the nail to come off and I swear. Yeah.

Tita (19:33):
Yeah, they're horrible. They're just.

Kristen (19:35):
What the hell?

Tita (19:35):
Different colors. Yeah, they're like black.

Kristen (19:38):
I'm so sorry. I was hoping you got that. So we have matching chemo toes.

Tita (19:44):
Yes, I'm sure we do.

Kristen (19:45):
But you're the first person I've met who's had the chemo toes too, so

Tita (19:49):
Oh, wow.

Kristen (19:50):
You're in good company. I just want to let you know.

Tita (19:53):
Thank you. Good to know. Yeah. I hate my toes right now.

Kristen (19:57):
Same. Well, if there's anything that comes up that you need, let me know.

Tita (20:03):
Okay, I will.

Kristen (20:05):
I love you so much and am so happy that this is going to be finished and whatever emotions you have, just let yourself have them and give yourself tons of grace.

Tita (20:15):
Okay. Good advice. I'm going to do it.

Kristen (20:18):
Okay.

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