Day 73: One of Those Mondays [Dr. Tita Gray]

Eva (00:08):
This is a story about what happens when you have breast cancer told in real time.

Kristen (00:15):
So it was probably about three weeks ago, just about a little over three weeks ago that I got a text from you and the text said, "good morning my friend. I want to get your opinion. In the last two weeks, including the three hour treatment Thanksgiving week, I've been feeling more ill than usual. I told my doctor, I feel the dosage is too much, and she's being reluctant to change. I basically respectfully went off", I love you, "in a message stating, I want a mammogram ultrasound to see if the signs of cancer are still there. And she didn't respond". So the bottom line was that you weren't feeling well. You sent your doctor a note and eventually you got a response. So let me have you take me through that day and then what has transpired afterwards.

Tita (01:06):
Well, I've had more good days than bad, but when I did have a couple of bad days, I'll tell you when it was, it was Thanksgiving weekend. So that was when it was the absolute worst. And I talked to my doctor and I said, I don't understand why it's such a huge change all of a sudden. And it could be your body's just dealing with things differently. It could be the change of the season, my allergies kind of start acting up. And it could be all of those things, but I needed to let her know that I don't understand why I'm feeling worse, not the dosage isn't different and all that. And so one of the nurses has said to me, well, when you do start losing weight, sometimes the dosage can be changed for that reason. And I have lost weight, but not a lot.

(02:03):
I haven't had problems really with eating or nor nausea except that week. That week was the worst. So in a nutshell, just to get to the better part of everything, my doctor was reluctant, but not in a real negative way. So she just talked about how there's times when there's heels and there's plateaus, but she said she didn't want to change my dosage initially. And then we had another conversation and she said, you know what? If you're really feeling that bad, then I will make changes because at the end of the day, it's about what you want. And I'll do the best that I can with staying on target. So now there's a couple of other things that are going on too with this. I am wondering through this period, why is it that I'm not having imaging done? Because if my only thing I have scheduled is up until December 27th, that's it.

(03:11):
That's all I've ever seen. That's all I've ever heard. I already met with my surgeon. So my assumption and my surgeon and I were talking about possibly a January surgery because neither one of us saw anything different as well. So while I'm feeling horrible and that following Monday, I'm saying to the doctor, I don't understand why I'm not getting imaging now because you said halfway through, blah, blah, blah. Fast forward to my next sort of triple treatment thing, all of a sudden while I'm having treatment, and I'm just like, what is going on? So my doctor was away. And so the nurse practitioner came and she looked very perplexed and she said, well, you have more treatments scheduled. And so I said, what are you talking about? Only thing that I have ever seen is up until December 27th. And she said, no, there's a whole, it goes into February. There's another eight treatments left. And the tears just started falling down my face because one, it was just disappointing, period. Because this is not something that you want to just get all of a sudden a change in.

Kristen (04:42):
Yeah, you live your life by that. I had it changed by one day, and I about lost my mind. So I get it. There's an expectation that you have.

Tita (04:52):
Exactly. But here's what happened. I explained that I need to speak to the doctor immediately, and I just said that one, psychologically, it's disappointing because not only me, but several people that are very close to me also think that thought that this was my last day, well, December 27th was my last day, so I think they made plans to try to celebrate. I said two, my job, although amazing, I have amazing insurance, healthcare, I have mad flexibility with my supervisor and there's no issue there whatsoever. But if I don't have the days for leave, then that means I have to take FMLA, which is fine. I'm all set up for it. But those are non-paid days. And it's okay, I'm financially, I'm okay, but it still doesn't allow me to have the ability to make those changes prior. And you're talking about now going into March for my surgery. That means that travel plans that I had made for family stuff and all of that, that I was just going to celebrate. I was going to try to do a couple of things. I haven't had a vacation since before I even started my job.

(06:16):
So, all these things would have to change, and they have financial implications as well. So I just said, you know what? It's fine. My big sister, Renee was there. She's not my biological sister, but she's the only kind of, she is my big sister. She was there, she said, Hey, it's all good. Whatever we have to do, we're going to do it. So all of a sudden, the nurse practitioner is talking to me and she sees how upset the information made me. So I guess because my doctor couldn't be there, my doctor asked somebody from her team to come, and this person was just not the right person. First of all, I'm really glad that he is still in a teaching stage because he needed to learn a little bit of empathy. He needs to learn some people skills, some compassion. And I finally had to tell him something, you know, we both have a DR before our names for different reasons, and I understand speaking to theoretically and scientifically, but I'm sitting right here in front of you and you are being condescending and aggressive. And it got, so I had to tell him, I'm not going to speak to you any longer. I'm only going to speak to my doctor and the nurse practitioner because they understand the history and they understand why I'm upset. If no one told me that I have an additional two months, that's a big problem, and you should be understanding of that. But this isn't an understanding issue, it's a communication issue. And I told him, until we define it by what it is, we can't fix it. So stop speaking to me like I'm inferior to you. And so I made him leave, and it was so bad that even the patient behind me, her daughter who was a nurse visiting her, got up and said something, and a couple of the nurses came over afterwards.

(08:15):
I even told him, I don't even think this is an appropriate discussion for us to have in this room in the chemo room with everybody else around. And he just didn't hear. So it was a bad situation. But here's the great thing that happened. My doctor and I had a really great conversation. She took full responsibility and that I can respect, because in life, nothing is going to be perfect. Sometimes the worst situation possible can happen and you have to flow. But when somebody is being humble, allow them to be humble and don't beat on them. So I accepted that. I accepted her apology, and I said, let's move forward. Here's the great thing.

(09:05):
Right away she said, you know what, Tita, we are going to schedule imaging. She said, because I wanted to do it halfway through anyway, she said, but, and my lump went away after three weeks, or at least we couldn't feel it, she nor I.

Kristen (09:24):
Right.

Tita (09:24):
And if in fact, there's some good things that come out of this, there might be a possibility that I still can go straight to surgery. So the medicine that they want to put me on now is a Keytruda, I think that's the name of it. They always have it on tv. I hate seeing it, but yeah. And some other stuff is supposedly is not as heavy as the treatments I was having before. So we'll see. And let me tell you something, the hospital told me that they didn't have any imaging available until April. And when I emailed, right, I was like, well, that defeats the purpose. And let me just get this in real quick, but I went back on to the health thing and said, well, this is what they said. And literally in 10 minutes, someone called me and it was a scheduler who I had known of, and she said, Nope, we are going to get you in first week of January. How's January 3rd? So not only am I having my imaging done January 3rd, on January 4th, I'm meeting with the surgeon as well.

Kristen (10:31):
Oh, that's great. Okay. So the hope is that Wednesday's your last chemo.

Tita (10:37):
That's what my hope is.

Kristen (10:38):
Yeah. Based on what the scan is, the scans say. And I think it's great timing that you're going to be able to talk to your surgeon. And the thing is that it's really hard to remember that people are doing their job and it's having to do with our lives and our emotional state. And so I'm so glad that your doctor, your oncologist took full responsibility, but it's really hard for us to not take it personally. And so I applaud that she did that. And we also just have to be able to step back sometimes and just go, yeah, these people are doing the best that they can.

Tita (11:18):
You know something too, though, I also thought back reflected, I had to do some deep reflection on why that might've happened. They had a switch in schedulers, somebody was no longer working there, whatever quit or went someplace else. They had somebody new. But also I'm like, why would this happen? And then I thought about something that could have actually prompted them to forget that they didn't share it with me. I think I told you all, I was speaking to you and told you that there was an insurance, remember? At one point, very early, I got a note from Anthem saying that they were in talks with the hospital that I'm with, and at the end of the year, I might have to switch to another hospital. And so I told my doctor that right as soon as we were starting treatment, and she made sure to get all of this chemo treatment that I was doing, she wanted to get all of it done before the end of the year.

(12:22):
I think that although she had the other, I'm just giving her the benefit of the doubt. I'm thinking that maybe because she thought that I might be leaving, the rest wasn't given to me. I'm just saying all of these things were going on at one time. She has 1,000,001 patients. She's doing the best that she can with her team. She has fellows, she has this, that going on. But I did tell her there was a strong possibility that I might not be with them and have to switch because of this bargaining agreement between them. So I'm just giving grace.

Kristen (13:01):
Sure.

Tita (13:02):
Because I want somebody to come back to me that way. I'm just giving grace.

Kristen (13:07):
Yeah, absolutely. And so can you tell me what scans they're going to do? Do you know what's going on with that?

Tita (13:14):
Yeah. It's going to be a mammogram and ultrasound on both breasts. So it's going to be a bilateral scan. And they're basically going to go back to just seeing what's going on with this cancer. And my prayer is that it shows micro cells enough that the surgery can take that out. You know that's another thing that I actually kind of learned is that the surgery is also part of, not the chemo treatment, it's part of the cancer treatment. It's not so much just, it is just like, oh, so it won't come back. It's also to get what might still a little bit of what might be there and take it away.

Kristen (13:58):
All of it, all of what might be there and take it away.

Tita (14:00):
So I wasn't even thinking, I wasn't even thinking that way. And it just really helped a lot.

Kristen (14:09):
Has any of this changed what you are wanting to do as far as your surgery? We talked a little bit about it and you were thinking about it. You are absolutely double mastectomy. I'm I'm taking these girls off. No more breast tissue.

Tita (14:25):
Nah, they can have them.

Kristen (14:26):
Yeah, totally. What's great is that they have something to compare it from doing your scans from before.

Tita (14:35):
So my prayer is, and I told her, I said, although I have the utmost respect for the medical field and what doctors are doing these days, nobody is above God. So if God decided that it's time for me to be healed, that's what's going to happen? Miracles happen every day.

Kristen (14:53):
Yeah. Have they mentioned radiation at all?

Tita (14:57):
No. Radiation only came up when it was going to be a lumpectomy, but I really don't want to have to do radiation. So here's what's going to happen on that week. January 3rd, I have my imaging. January 4th, I have a four hour infusion with this whole new thing- a-ma-jiggy. And then on the

Kristen (15:19):
Keytruda?

Tita (15:20):
Yeah. And then the fifth I meet with a surgeon. So,

Kristen (15:24):
Got it.

Tita (15:24):
We'll see what's up.

Kristen (15:24):
Okay. So you will have one infusion of that. And I'm not familiar with Keytruda because to remind the audience that you're triple negative, which means that there is not a hormone indicator that's treatable. And so they do some different things with different chemos that they have shown to be very effective with triple negative. And so if people out there are listening and maybe they have an estrogen positive or a progesterone positive, or HER2 positive and they haven't heard of Keytruda, that doesn't mean that your doctor has done something wrong. This disease has so many little intricacies. And so again, everybody's journey is different, and we haven't talked about whether reconstruction or not reconstruction or whatever, and that's something that you'll talk to your surgeon about.

Tita (16:14):
That's the least of my worries. I mean, I know for some women it's not, but that is the absolute very, very, very, very least. And I'm going to do whatever I can to not have this come back again. Yeah.

Kristen (16:29):
And so you mentioned at the very beginning, and I don't even know if we got it on this broadcast, about how good you were feeling and you're thinking about getting a new car. What are you going to get and tell me about how you're feeling?

Tita (16:41):
No, I was just saying I feel good today. I haven't had a lot of problems with nausea, and I really haven't even had a lot of problems with fatigue. Now sometimes, yes, I am tired because I'm also working. I work almost every day and not because my boss expects me to, or I have to. As a matter of fact, I forget what day it was, Wednesday maybe I said, Hey, I'm going to take a nap for about two hours. If I feel good, I'll jump back in. I'll let you know. He's like, yeah, of course, I'll talk to you in a few. And then, Hey, I'm going to finish for the day at three. Everything got done, blah, blah, blah. Okay, cool. And there's times when I wake up at 5:00 AM, I'm wide eyed and bushy tailed and I'm like, okay, so I'm going to get some work done. But some days are just really just hard. And what I was saying when I was saying I felt really good today, it was good mind, body, and soul. And I want to just make that a point because sometimes your soul is, oof, and sometimes your mind is just, oof, and that's really what's bothering you. It's not really the physicality of your body. And then other times, yeah, it is. I can feel that my muscles are not as strong, but today I put up curtains and I drilled here and I did this and I did that, and I'll do a little bit of yoga, just some stretching, and that's a big deal.

Kristen (18:18):
Yes, absolutely.

Tita (18:20):
I just wanted to say, and as far as the car, I'm not sure yet. I'm a big time, I'm a big time German car. I love Mercedes. I love Volkswagens. I have a Volkswagen Passat, and I do want their electric sedan, but it might not be ready till the end of 2024, so I don't know. I might be getting a benzo hybrid. We'll see.

Kristen (18:41):
Fun, fun. Super fun. And you're right about the mind, body, and soul, it's really hard to get those things aligned.

Tita (18:51):
Yes. Another thing too is I know that I have to say this, I have to own it, and I'm grieving as well. My mother passed away this time last year, and so she's pops up in my head. Well, normally every minute anyway, but it's even more so right now.

Kristen (19:12):
Yeah, I completely get that. And no neuropathy?

Tita (19:17):
No, just my toes and my fingers every now and then are they feel a little tingly.

Kristen (19:24):
Have you been doing any of the cold stuff or is it working okay without it?

Tita (19:28):
Yeah, it's no difference. If I do the cold stuff, I'm still having these same little things. So what I find helps it is if I take a nice hot bath, I feel good. And if I'm walking and just keep walking and stretching, it feels better.

Kristen (19:46):
Okay. So I'd like to talk to you again in a couple of weeks. I'd like to talk to you tomorrow, but we're going to get back on here and we're going to be going back and forth anyhow with our texts and

Tita (19:57):
Absolutely.

Kristen (19:58):
Calls and stuff like that. Yeah. 2023 on its way out, 2024 is going to bring all good news and health and all of that, and you just look so good.

Tita (20:09):
Thank you, thank you.

Kristen (20:10):
Fantastic. I'm so happy.

Tita (20:12):
You know what's creepy, like it's kinda weird, my hair is coming back, but it's like all the grays, gray hairs. And you know how gray hairs are like they're on crack, they just go in any direction they want to go. They're ridiculous. But I'm like, why? Literally, my hair started coming back like two weeks ago.

Kristen (20:29):
Okay. So funny, mine started coming back two weeks before I finished Taxol, and it came back super gray at the top. Look at it now.

Tita (20:38):
Oh wow.

Kristen (20:40):
It's brown. Yeah, right. I don't do anything to it. I haven't dyed it, haven't done anything to it.

Tita (20:44):
Oh my goodness.

Kristen (20:44):
There's probably about, yeah, haven't anything. I'll send you a picture of me with my, it's probably like maybe half inch long hair. It has just about every color in it, if you really, when I was looking at it, but it looks like it's going to come in all gray.

Tita (20:58):
Wow.

Kristen (20:59):
And I've had it, my hair trimmed a couple times, but there is no hair color on this. There is nothing. And I'm going to go with that there's probably 20 grays cruising around in here somewhere. But So odd, so odd.

Tita (21:13):
Yeah it's strange. So yeah, I just wanted to say that.

Kristen (21:16):
I know. No, I appreciate that.

Tita (21:18):
We'll see what happens in a week or so.

Kristen (21:21):
Okay. Well, I love you and I love seeing your smile.

Tita (21:25):
Love you too.

Eva (21:30):
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Eva (22:34):
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