224: The Successful Chef Mindset : Resilience

Hey there, chef. This month, we're diving deep into the powerful

world of mindset. The secret ingredient behind every successful

chef's journey, get ready to unlock the mindset shifts that propel

you toward culinary greatness and redefine your path to success.

In this episode, we're gonna be talking about resilience. Maybe

you've asked yourself these questions. It's a high pressure service,

and you're wondering how you can maintain your cool and focus

during peak service hours when everybody seems to be asking you

for everything at the same time. Maybe there's a conflict between

the staff. How do I handle this conflict without losing my shit?

Maybe it's a menu mishap, something you thought was really gonna

work out well, but certainly didn't sell. And when faced with

the unexpected challenges, how can you adapt and keep the kitchen

running smoothly? We're talking about the successful chef mindset.

The kitchen's heat is not just from the stove. It's the challenges

that we face every day as chefs. Maintaining resilience in these

challenges is crucial to your success and well-being. In this

episode, I'm gonna give you 3 strategies and tips for cultivating

a successful chef mindset, and I'm also gonna give you 3 tips

on how to foster more resilience in your culinary crew. Welcome

to Chef Life Radio where we empower chefs with emotional intelligence

and leadership coaching and transform teams and cultures. I'm

your host and culinary career coach, chef Adam Lamb, and I'm committed

to helping you reclaim your passion, purpose, and process in the

kitchen. Our mission at Chef Life Radio is clear, to elevate culinary

professionals into effective leaders who excel in their craft

and cultivate thriving collaborative teams. As a seasoned culinary

career coach, I specialize in empowering chefs to thrive in their

roles through a unique blend of emotional intelligence, relationship

building skills, and communication enhancement. Join me as we

unlock your potential and create a kitchen environment where passion,

purpose, and excellence thrive. I focus on leadership development,

work life balance and wellness, professional growth, and career

advancement. For the next 4 episodes, I'm gonna be talking about

mindset, what it means, and how you can cultivate a successful

chef's mindset. If you're ready to discover just how far you've

come on your culinary leadership journey, Take part in the successful

Chef Mindset Challenge and download your scorecard at link.chefliferadio.comforward/mindset,

and the link is in the show notes. If you're ready to spark the

flame and reclaim your passion, purpose, and process, then let's

begin. Resilience. It's hard to define because it used to mean

something completely different and much more dangerous. It used

to mean strength and resolve rooted by purpose and able to withstand

massive pressure until it no longer can, and then, of course,

it shatters like concrete or big oak trees. Back in the day when

I opened up my very first restaurant in downtown Chicago as executive

sous chef, we spent about 6 weeks working about 75 to 80 hours

a week to get ready to open. After that 1st week that we were

open, things were moving so quickly, and the place was so slammed.

It took everything in my power just to be able to keep going.

We've heard it all before. Right? Suck it up sunshine. If you

can't handle the heat, maybe it's time to find another profession.

Stop acting like a delicate flower and toughen up. I've seen preschoolers

with more resilience than you. Do you want me to hold your hand

through every little task? You're either on my bus or you're out

walking. And most famously, I'm gonna come to your house tonight

and burn it to the ground. And in the morning, I'm gonna salt

the ground so nothing will ever grow there. Kitchen bro code for,

as it was for me, so it shall be for you. Shit rolls downhill,

buddy. In some kitchens, I found that shame is preferable to failure

because shame is shouldered alone when failure stains everyone

with the same brush. So there was no way I was gonna fail. After

about 2 weeks when we were open, the operations manager came through

the kitchen, and he saw me huddled down next to one of the stoves.

He patted me on the back. I stood up, and he said, hey. Listen,

Adam. I just wanna make sure that you understood that what you're

doing is seen and appreciated, and all your hard work really matters.

Just he nodded my head a little bit. As soon as he left, I turned

and walked into the little electric room that doubled as a kitchen

uniform storage and locker room. I broke down and started crying

for about 20, 30 minutes and not just like a little boohoo. These

were, like, huge heaving sobs because in that entire 6 weeks that

preceded that particular incident, I was doing everything I possibly

could in order just to hang on hang on for just one more moment,

just one more day because I figured all I needed to do was just

keep going. Be a good soldier. Keep going. One more step. Keep

going. One more shift. What I didn't realize is how close I was

to being burnt out, and that release of energy through my body

through crying was the only way that I knew to move that energy

out of my body because I felt in that moment, even while someone

was saying thank you, I felt like I was gonna shatter into a 1000000

pieces. I was brittle, broken, backed up, and ready to break.

The thing that's important to understand about burnout is that

it is a direct result of clinging to the old idea of what resilience

used to mean, that you're strong enough to be able to put up with

everything and anything. The reality is that even the biggest

boulder in the middle of a stream is gonna get whittled down to

just about nothing, and the stream will win out. Burnout is a

conflict of values between what you think is important and what

your employer thinks is important. That's what I used to think

resilience was. What I discovered through my process, my journey,

and through the wound to heal the pain is that no one, doesn't

matter if it's my mother or lover or my friend or enemy, my patron,

my fellow chef, nobody will ever fully understand or appreciate

how much of me I put into what I do for a living. I'm thinking

probably the same for you. I willingly chose all the intention,

reverence, and humility, all the physical, emotional, and spiritual

energy that I had put into everything I had done up until that

moment. I chose it. I had to take full responsibility for my experience

and the results and the lack thereof because I'm keenly aware

that I was choosing it at every moment. I admit that sometimes

I wasn't even aware of my motivations, but I was the one who decided

what to do and how to do it. So to look for someone else to fully

appreciate what I was doing as some type of pat on the back and

validation of who I was being in the moment was a fool's errand.

In that moment, felt like I could continue to go on, that my resilience

was somehow rewarded. But how could I ever expect anyone else

to know or appreciate what was solely mine and my power to give

to my craft and fraternity of brothers and sisters? Once I understood

that the one person who could value me or not, once freed from

that mental emotional stress, I was able to finally focus out

instead of inward giving others what I had once wanted and being

able to model mature professionalism so that my charges would

know what that looked like, what thought, felt, and acted. So

when they were ready to step into those clogs, they would know

how to embrace it and embody it for those who would follow them.

Now it's more accurate to say as the American Psychological Association

defines resilience, and a resilient mindset is the ability to

withstand adversity and bounce back from difficult life events.

In a word, it's flexible, being more bamboo and a lot less oak.

My friend and colleague, Kristen Marvin, uses a term to describe

resilience perfectly. She calls it mental fitness. You notice

she didn't say mental toughness. I wonder why. K. So how can I

cultivate resilience in the face of kitchen challenges? You can

do 3 things. Number 1 is you can practice mindfulness techniques,

deep breathing, visualization, stay grounded and centered during

stressful moments in the kitchen. Sometimes that might take a

pattern interrupt where you have to walk outside and just take

a deep breath on the back dock. Sometimes mindfulness means being

present to what there is to do in that particular moment. I do

this thing where I call it future projection where right before

I get on a call, right before I go out on a stage, right before

I walk into the kitchen, I take a moment and I talk to myself

about what that experience is gonna be like as a future projection

or a desire for a particular outcome, whether that's this conversation

is gonna go smoothly. I'm gonna know exactly what I need to say

in every moment. But just taking a moment and taking a deep breath

and focusing on that for a moment as opposed to letting my anxiety

or passion run away with me such that I'm not actually grounded

in that particular moment. Action item number 2, you can seek

support from mentors, colleagues, or professional coaches to gain

perspective, guidance, and encouragement when facing those challenges.

Very often, we think that we have to handle all this alone, wrestle

the problem to the ground until we come up with an answer, and

then finally come up and make a declaration. I'm telling you that

is the long road off a short pier. What you need to do is check-in

with others that have gone through the same experience or going

through the same experience and be very transparent, vulnerable,

and open with them such that you might be able to hear a different

perspective, something that's gonna actually pivot you away from

this one particular tact that you thought you were gonna take

and provide you another opportunity to deepen and think about

what it is that you're actually gonna do. And number 3, reflect

on past successes and remind yourself of your ability to overcome

the obstacles, fostering a sense of confidence and resilience

in your culinary journey. Thinking about the things that went

well for you or thinking about the challenges that you've overcome

can be a great way of, again, grounding yourself and understanding

that you do have the resilience to actually get through this particular

moment. Being more bamboo than oak is a great way of kind of buffeting

changes and realizing that as a read in the wind, you're always

gonna come back to that straightened position. One last little

tip about resilience is that it's important to understand that

when things are going rough, it's time to get back to the basics.

It's time to get back to humility. It's time to understand that

in any given circumstance, no matter how overwhelming it might

seem, it's time to get back to chopping wood and carrying water.

There's an old adage that says that as of the apprentice, I chopped

wood and I carried water, and as the master, I chopped wood and

carried water. No matter where you're at, there's what you think

there is to do, and then there's what there is to do. And sometimes

when things seem completely overwhelming, resilience comes down

to the small acts, the things that there are to do even in the

face of insurmountable obstacles or things that seem like, like,

I'll never be able to put up with it or to succeed against this.

It's as simple as what there is to do. Couple weeks ago, I was

wrestling with something in my head and I couldn't really talk

about it. And my wife asked me, like, what's going on? And I wouldn't

say anything. And one morning, I just walked up to the kitchen,

and I decided I was gonna pull myself up by my bootstraps metaphorically.

And on the way to the tea kettle, my wife whispers over her shoulder

to me, chop wood and carry water. I'm like, yeah. That's what

there is to do. Just chop wood and carry water and disassociate

myself from the expectation that anybody would understand or appreciate

or anything. It was divorcing myself from any attachment to an

outcome. Because in the end, all there is to do is what there

is to do. How about for your team? Leadership in the culinary

world is more about than just creating menus and managing inventory.

It's about inspiring your team and setting the tone for your kitchen

culture. Leaders must be adept at multitasking, handling the pressure

of a busy service, making quick decisions. Your leadership impacts

everything from food quality to customer satisfaction and staff

morale. Your role as a leader includes being a role model, providing

clear communication, guiding your staff through the industry's

demands. It's essential to show your team that you're willing

to roll up your sleeves and work alongside them them when necessary.

Leaders also recognize their team member strengths in delegating

tasks accordingly, which ensures efficiency and helps with career

advancement by fostering individual skills. Balancing firm guidance

with understanding and support is the key to a strong cohesive

brigade. And if you're looking for ways in which to foster more

resilience or to share that successful chef mindset with your

team, you start off by handling stress with composure, constructively

addressing conflicts, especially when your team is there. They

see your emotional intelligence in action, and they're probably

more inclined to follow suit. If you're freaking out or tripping

out in that particular moment, you gotta understand that everybody's

actually looking to you for emotional cues of how they should

react in similar situations. You're always being watched. It's

really important to be able to show others how to be cool under

pressure. I'm not talking about swallowing the crap that's happening

in the moment. But to be able to constructively address that conflict

in such a way that you gain consensus is an incredibly powerful

way to model that for your team. Regular team meetings. I say

this again and again. If you're not having a stand up right before

service, then you're missing an incredible opportunity, not only

to create a safe space. You can express concerns, but you can

also offer support, and you can allow others and have a voice

and to be heard. Everybody's a stakeholder, but you get to be

the decision maker. That doesn't necessarily mean that you don't

want to hear what others have to say. It's a great way of building

cohesion amongst your team, fostering emotional intelligence,

and building resilience within that team. And lastly, one of my

favorites is train and role play your staff. Role play is one

of the greatest tools that you can deploy while building resilience

because when things are happening in the kitchen, it's the first

time that someone's experienced it. There is an angry customer

or there is a server who's freaking out. If that's happening in

the regular course of service, it's very hard to try to steer

that that conflict or that situation into a successful outcome

without having the taken the time to role play with your staff.

You can role play with yourself in front of a mirror, but the

idea is to actually create the environment where which this might

happen, just actually watch them how they handled it, and then

to use that as a coaching moment. And that could be everything

from sliding a plate across the pass, trying to get somebody,

a rise out of somebody, but role play that shit out first so that

when it's happening in a live service, everybody knows how to

handle it with grace and composure. Does that make sense? Great.

Listen. I'm gonna leave it right there because I know it's a lot

to take in, but we're gonna be talking about this for the next

three episodes. This idea of what it's like to build a successful

chef mindset and the particular tenants or important assets that

build that up. So in the next several episodes, you're gonna be

hearing a lot more of this because it's my job, my honor, and

my privilege to support you on your way to culinary leadership

mastery. This is Chef Life Radio, your go to place, your home

for actionable intelligence and tips, tricks, and strategies for

success, satisfaction, and sanity in the culinary industry. That's

it for this episode. We'll catch you next week. Stay tall and

frosty, y'all. Join the Successful Chef Mindset Challenge in at

link.chefliferadio.comforward/mindset. Remember, cultivating a

successful chef mindset isn't just about what happens in the kitchen.

It's about embracing a mindset of growth, resilience, and positivity

that will elevate every aspect of your culinary journey. Let's

embark on this transformative journey together and unlock the

mindset of a true culinary champion.

That's it for this episode of Cheflife Radio. Here at Cheflife

Radio, we believe that working in a kitchen should be demanding.

It just shouldn't have to be demeaning. It should be hard. It

just doesn't have to be harsh. We believe that it's possible to

have more solidarity and less suck it up sunshine, more compassion,

less cutthroat island. We believe in more partnership and less

put up or shut up. More family and less fuck you. Stand tall and

frosty brothers and sisters, but consider for a moment, for all

the blood, sweat and effort you've put into what you do, at the

end of the day, it's just some stuff on a plate. None of it really

matters. It doesn't define you as a person or make you any more

special or less than anyone else. It's just a dance that we're

engaged in, so we might as well laugh and enjoy every bit of it.

Or didn't you know that the purpose of your life should be to enjoy it?

You just like it halfway up a love time. Humble. Goddamn. It's

Rory Fox. I don't live on now.

Visit the website at chef life radio dot com. Subscribe to the

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Be well and do good.