I Got Your Back | Chef Patrick Mulvaney's Mental Health Mission
If you're feeling the frustration of implementing mental health initiatives in the restaurant industry, only to see minimal improvement in outcomes despite your best efforts, then you are not alone!
“Creating an environment where it's okay not to be okay and talk, to provide peer guidance, and also then to have resources available for people.” ~ Chef Patrick Mulvaney
IN THE WEEDS? IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS IN CRISIS, CALL 988, PRESS 1 FOR VETERANS, PRESS 2 FOR SPANISH
My special guest is Chef Patrick Mulvaney.
Meet the inspirational Chef Patrick Mulvaney, a culinary talent with a mission to support mental health in the restaurant world.
Hailing from Queens, New York, Patrick discovered his passion for the farm-to-table experience in Sacramento, California, where he opened his beloved restaurant, Mulvaney BNL.
With a deep understanding of the challenges faced by those in his industry, Patrick founded "I Got Your Back," a program to cultivate a supportive environment for restaurant staff.
His unwavering dedication to fostering open communication and empathy sets Patrick apart as a true advocate for change in the hospitality industry.
In this episode, you will be able to:
- Gain valuable insights into the crucial role of mental health in the restaurant industry.
- Discover the remarkable Purple Hand program, designed to raise mental health awareness and support for professionals in the field.
- Grasp the unique challenges of taking on leadership positions within the restaurant industry.
- Learn effective methods for fostering a culture of vulnerability and open communication among staff.
- Identify essential crisis resources and support systems accessible to restaurant employees.
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
- Visit the I Got Your Back program website to learn more about the mental health resources available for hospitality workers.
- Consider implementing the purple hand position in your workplace to provide peer guidance and support.
- Check out Not 9 to 5, an organization that provides mental health training tailored to the hospitality industry.
- Practice asking How are you doing? Really? To open up opportunities for conversation and support with colleagues and friends.
- Support local farmers and producers by shopping at farmers' markets and building relationships with those who grow and harvest our food.
“More important than being able to share is being able to accept that grace, to be able to accept the love and help that people want to offer to you.” ~ Chef Patrick Mulvaney
For more information about I Got Your Back, check out Not9to5.
Other resources mentioned in the article:
- Chefs With Issues
- Not9to5 Health Coalition
- Ben's Friends
- The Burnt Chef Project
- Chow - Culinary Wellness Outreach
- Cook Who Care
The key moments in this episode are:
(00:00:00) - Introduction
(00:01:09) - Celebrating Sacramento's Agriculture
(00:07:17) - I Got Your Back Program
(00:09:35) - Bourdain's Death
(00:10:57) - Creating a Supportive Environment
(00:15:05) - Importance of Mental Health
(00:17:53) - The Responsibility of the Purple Hand
(00:21:27) - Directing People to Resources
(00:23:35) - Training and Mentoring
(00:25:06) - Success of the Purple Hand Program
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Adam Lamb:
Welcome back to the Show Chef.
Adam Lamb:
This is Chef Life Radio, and my name is Adam Lamb, and I am your career
Adam Lamb:
coach dedicated to supporting you on your culinary career trajectory.
Adam Lamb:
This episode is about something that makes people feel just a little
Adam Lamb:
bit uncomfortable mental health, and as much as I'd like to add a
Adam Lamb:
trigger warning, I'm not gonna, because it's a topic that most of us.
Adam Lamb:
Have ignored for a long time in one way, shape, or form.
Adam Lamb:
We've all been dealing with the same problem for a very, very long time.
Adam Lamb:
The business, by its very nature, engenders stress and emotional distress,
Adam Lamb:
and yet for most of us, we handle it.
Adam Lamb:
I'm not saying that we handle it well.
Adam Lamb:
For most of the time I've been in the business, it was
Adam Lamb:
always suck it up sunshine.
Adam Lamb:
I got this chef until you don't.
Adam Lamb:
And I don't know about you, but I would be a fool to think that it
Adam Lamb:
didn't affect me, cuz it did and it affected everyone around me.
Adam Lamb:
I just didn't have any tools or processes by which I could handle my
Adam Lamb:
emotional distress or anyone else's.
Adam Lamb:
Maybe you can recognize yourself in this scenario.
Adam Lamb:
There's someone who's breaking down in the service area crying.
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Instead of going over there and talking to them or asking them what's going
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on, we just pivot and turn right out of there cause we got other shit to
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deal with, and yet it's inescapable.
Adam Lamb:
Everywhere we turn, people are having difficulty.
Adam Lamb:
It's hard to consider or remember what it was like before the pandemic and
Adam Lamb:
the entire world shut down, but it took something like that in order for not
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only us in the industry, but the entire world to understand that, yeah, there's
Adam Lamb:
a lot of shit going on in this industry and it is hard, and how the hell do you
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mitigate that so that you can actually.
Adam Lamb:
Not only are we present to the stress that you might be feeling, but pivoting
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out to be a resource for your staff.
Adam Lamb:
I remember quite clearly watching a line cook struggle to get through the
Adam Lamb:
shift, standing up straight, putting his hands on his hip and breathing in.
Adam Lamb:
Really, really, really, oh my God.
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Because 12 hours previously I'd been sitting right next to him at the bar.
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I just wasn't gonna let that show up at work and show myself as being
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less than, or, you know, afflicted by something that was, you know,
Adam Lamb:
perceptively within my control.
Adam Lamb:
So as an industry we.
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Ignored people who had emotional distress, either they couldn't handle it, wouldn't
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handle it, but we would have to make a change because we couldn't be bothered
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with taking the time to be human to human, to figure out what was going
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on and what resources we had to bring to bear to give them some assistance.
Adam Lamb:
It took Kat Kinsman prior to the pandemic to create a website called, Chefs
Adam Lamb:
with issues and holy shit, don't we?
Adam Lamb:
But it's not like we're the only ones.
Adam Lamb:
So in this episode, we get to talk about solutions to this
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particular problem that finally, but the pandemic changed all that.
Adam Lamb:
Seemingly overnight, there were organizations that were out there focused
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on hospitality professionals and the stress that they were being put under
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the Burn Chef project, not nine to five.
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I could go on and on and on, but those resources didn't
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exist 18 months before that.
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It took folks from outside the industry to point out to us just what
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a fucked up situation we had created.
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And yes, we created it because we weren't dealing with the problem and
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because we weren't dealing with the problem, the problem was unknown.
Adam Lamb:
Unmeasurable because nobody had made it a priority to actually
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do any studies around it.
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And if you don't have any studies around it, nobody's gonna give you any funding.
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So it took people like our guest today, chef Patrick Mulvaney, to
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actually stand in his kitchen and decide that enough was enough.
Adam Lamb:
He and his wife created an amazing resource that's available to all
Adam Lamb:
of us now, and you're gonna find out why he did it, what they did.
Adam Lamb:
To address the problem and to create a resource internally that would
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provide solutions for folks who might not necessarily be feeling it today.
Adam Lamb:
So I am really proud to be able to bring you this interview with
Adam Lamb:
Chef Patrick Mulvaney while he talks about the I Got Your Back
Adam Lamb:
Program, and Why Should you Listen?
Adam Lamb:
Because the statistics are that four out of five hospitality
Adam Lamb:
professionals have been affected by mental stress and disorder.
Adam Lamb:
That means in your kitchen right now, there's at least three or four people who
Adam Lamb:
are struggling and you don't even know about it because they're scared as shit
Adam Lamb:
to fucking show it and to talk about it.
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And that's not a healthy way to be because at some point right when you need
Adam Lamb:
'em the most, they're gonna break down.
Adam Lamb:
Whose responsibility is that yours and mine?
Adam Lamb:
So let's find out together what's possible right after these messages.
Adam Lamb:
This is Chef Life Radio and I'm your host, chef Adam Lamb.
Adam Lamb:
I'm a culinary career coach dedicated to assisting hospitality professionals
Adam Lamb:
just like you to enjoy their careers without having to sacrifice their lives.
Adam Lamb:
Be sure and grab this episode's exclusive bonus content.
Adam Lamb:
The link is in the show notes.
Adam Lamb:
Now let's get to the good stuff and we wanna welcome Chef
Adam Lamb:
Patrick Mulvaney to the show.
Adam Lamb:
Chef.
Adam Lamb:
Thanks so much for making time for us.
Adam Lamb:
We know how busy you are.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Good morning.
Patrick Mulvaney:
From the beautiful but Smokey West Coast.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Exactly.
Adam Lamb:
How, how has the weather been?
Adam Lamb:
Uh,
Patrick Mulvaney:
your way?
Patrick Mulvaney:
It's the, it's the fires, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
The fire season is just really bad.
Patrick Mulvaney:
We've had, uh, Three employees that, uh, have been evacuated in the last week.
Patrick Mulvaney:
So Oh my God.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Yeah.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It's a lot of, lot of displacement.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It's a tough, tough time and,
Adam Lamb:
you know, as if there's not enough stress already, you know, with
Adam Lamb:
kind of reopening after the pandemic.
Adam Lamb:
And I know just before we, uh, we went live with the recording, uh, you were
Adam Lamb:
mentioning that at the height of your business at Mulvaney b and l, which is.
Adam Lamb:
Funny because I was looking for the abbreviations for b and l only to
Adam Lamb:
find out that it's a bank and loan.
Adam Lamb:
Right.
Adam Lamb:
It's
Patrick Mulvaney:
what the facility used to be.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Yes, the building.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It's the building and loan.
Patrick Mulvaney:
So we took it.
Patrick Mulvaney:
No, so the actually the restaurant's in a firehouse and the, the name of
Patrick Mulvaney:
the restaurant comes from the movie.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It's a Wonderful Life where Jimmy Stewart wants his whole life.
Patrick Mulvaney:
He wants to.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Get out of the small town and then at the end he realizes the small
Patrick Mulvaney:
town is where he should be and this is where it is a wonderful life.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And he runs down the street and yells, Merry Christmas, you
Patrick Mulvaney:
Wonderful old building and loan.
Patrick Mulvaney:
So I came, I came to Sacramento in the nineties for graduate school, uh, and
Patrick Mulvaney:
hated graduate school and they hated me.
Patrick Mulvaney:
But I fell in love in the year that I was here with the surrounds,
Patrick Mulvaney:
the surroundings, the farms, the communities that, that when I.
Patrick Mulvaney:
When I buy a peach, it's from Camilla, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
When you know, next week we're having dinner to celebrate the McNamara family,
Patrick Mulvaney:
and Shawn is bringing lambs and Emily is bringing eggs from her chicken.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And Craig is bringing a box of walnuts from his organic walnut farm.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And, and just to place you for
Adam Lamb:
the listeners, this is in
Patrick Mulvaney:
Sacramento?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Yes.
Patrick Mulvaney:
I'm sorry.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And we're in Sacramento, California.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And so when you're.
Patrick Mulvaney:
You're here, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Just you're really in the middle of the rich agricultural region in the world.
Patrick Mulvaney:
So as a chef, think about no finer sandbox to play in in the nineties.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That was a big question, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Like lots of questions from back east in New York when people said, what the hell
Patrick Mulvaney:
is in Sacramento other than tomatoes?
Patrick Mulvaney:
And, uh, funny politicians said, no, this is, this is where it's gonna be.
Patrick Mulvaney:
So that, so that's where the name came from.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And, uh, And it really has become, uh, a good name, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
We're part of the community, and the community has really embraced us.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Uh,
Adam Lamb:
chef you are a, you are a romantic at heart.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Yes.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Yes.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And the other, the other truth is my wife hated it.
Patrick Mulvaney:
The idea of, uh, of, she said, that's the worst marketing idea ever of a firehouse.
Patrick Mulvaney:
A firehouse That's a restaurant, naming it after a bank.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And I told her that my second favorite, uh, name that I had always thought
Patrick Mulvaney:
about was my favorite British dessert.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Spotted dick and so all of a sudden b n l moved right back to the center.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It's a fine name.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And here we are today, 15 years later.
Adam Lamb:
That's fantastic.
Adam Lamb:
And you've had an amazing run,
Patrick Mulvaney:
have you not?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Yeah, we've been, we've been blessed.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Right.
Patrick Mulvaney:
For sure.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It's, it's, uh, it keeps getting, keeps getting better, right.
Patrick Mulvaney:
In some ways.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Right.
Patrick Mulvaney:
The last 18 months, not withstanding, but I, I, I feel like we're getting.
Patrick Mulvaney:
We're getting more honed into it, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
I I am.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It is.
Patrick Mulvaney:
We are getting better at it.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It just doesn't always feel like it's getting better.
Patrick Mulvaney:
I
Adam Lamb:
probably get it and, and we'll get into that in a little bit,
Adam Lamb:
but I just wanted to quickly mention, um, I was actually con on an interview
Adam Lamb:
yesterday morning and the topic of the conversation was in relationship
Adam Lamb:
with food and the interviewer asked me, Kristen Costa, who happens to be,
Adam Lamb:
you know, one of our founding members of the, of the Chef Life Radio crew.
Adam Lamb:
Um, thankful for her support asked, well, what does it mean to be in relationship
Adam Lamb:
to food, uh, specifically around what it might look like for home cooks.
Adam Lamb:
And I mentioned, you know, I'm in Nashville, North Carolina, and there
Adam Lamb:
are so many farmer's markets where you get to actually meet the producers.
Adam Lamb:
And like, just like you said, being in such a rich agricultural community.
Adam Lamb:
To me, being in relationship with food starts all starts there and actually
Adam Lamb:
creating relationship with the people who are actually intimately involved in
Adam Lamb:
the grow, growing, harvesting, ranching, picking of those types of foods.
Adam Lamb:
And I didn't understand when I first moved here, just how rich.
Adam Lamb:
A community is for food.
Adam Lamb:
And so would you kind of agree or extrapolate on the fact that like, what
Adam Lamb:
it looks like for you in a very real sense of being so connected to the community
Adam Lamb:
that, like you said, you know, who's bringing your eggs in, who's bringing
Adam Lamb:
your lamb, and, and how telling that story really impacts your business.
Patrick Mulvaney:
So for me, I think it was obvious 25 years ago, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
This is where I was gonna stay.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And I can say, you know, when I say tongue in cheek, people asked why, uh,
Patrick Mulvaney:
the truth is that over the last 25 years, Sacramentos have come to realize that
Patrick Mulvaney:
we are an agricultural city, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
That we do.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And now celebrate that agriculture farmer's market.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Seven days a week.
Patrick Mulvaney:
During the summer, two weeks from now, we'll have a dinner on the
Patrick Mulvaney:
Tower bridge, which goes from the city to, uh, Yolo County, which is
Patrick Mulvaney:
where many of our crops come from.
Patrick Mulvaney:
800 people lined up and one big table, uh, to celebrate the farmers and the farms.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And to be in the center, uh, in the capital too, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
So that extends as well to the capital.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Obviously we have a governor now who's a restaurateur, but also the
Patrick Mulvaney:
people in, uh, food and agriculture departments and farm bureaus.
Patrick Mulvaney:
As food becomes a point of pride for Sacramento, we attract more, uh,
Patrick Mulvaney:
attention and increase the conversation.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And so the relationship for food, how to be in relationship.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Is no longer just a fat chef from New York coming out and, and being different.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Right.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It, it now truly is our whole community coming together to celebrate and from that
Patrick Mulvaney:
it gives us power to drive change, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
To raise profiles of, of the workers who sometimes aren't recognized to
Patrick Mulvaney:
during the pandemic to talk about how to feed, to drive feeding the
Patrick Mulvaney:
million and a half meals that that.
Patrick Mulvaney:
The restaurant community served over the last year and
Patrick Mulvaney:
a half to families and elders.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Right.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That was supported in five and 10 and $20 donations, uh, from
Patrick Mulvaney:
the community of Sacramento.
Adam Lamb:
Sounds like a marvelous place to make your home.
Adam Lamb:
And so were you from New York
Patrick Mulvaney:
City proper?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Uh, Queens and I grew up on Long Island.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Little bit of a change moving to Sacramento.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Yeah.
Patrick Mulvaney:
So, so it's, it's a little strange.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Yes.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It's not everyone is Irish here and, uh,
Adam Lamb:
but do,
Patrick Mulvaney:
yeah.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That's awesome.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And the ocean is much more narrow and goes sideways.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Exactly.
Patrick Mulvaney:
They call it, they call it a river.
Adam Lamb:
It's no coincidence that we're having this conversation today considering
Adam Lamb:
everything that's gone on over the last.
Adam Lamb:
15, 16, 18 months.
Adam Lamb:
But I know that you've been working on this particular project longer than
Adam Lamb:
that, so you popped up on my radar as someone who was actually, who was
Adam Lamb:
taking action right where they were at, with no other resources except your
Adam Lamb:
mind and your passion for health and wellness for hospitality associates.
Adam Lamb:
And so can you kind of tell me what the genesis was for
Adam Lamb:
the I got your back program.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Sure.
Patrick Mulvaney:
2018 was a horrible year for restaurants in Sacramento.
Patrick Mulvaney:
We lost more than 15 people to death by suicide.
Patrick Mulvaney:
We started the year off with three or four, right in the
Patrick Mulvaney:
first two months and started.
Patrick Mulvaney:
So we as chefs and restaurateurs and the old guard, if you will, started,
Patrick Mulvaney:
uh, conversation started between us organically, what's our responsibility?
Patrick Mulvaney:
What can we do about it?
Patrick Mulvaney:
And how, how do we move forward, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
How much of this have we caused and how are we gonna be able to make it better?
Patrick Mulvaney:
And because we're tied into the community, there were resources from
Patrick Mulvaney:
people in the hospital world in, uh, public safety in the government,
Patrick Mulvaney:
uh, came to bear to start talking about it loosely in, uh, Early May.
Patrick Mulvaney:
As we started talking, there was a chef, Noah Zaka, whose family lets
Patrick Mulvaney:
me tell the story who had started to disappear and we all saw him.
Patrick Mulvaney:
He had disappeared.
Patrick Mulvaney:
We all saw him descending into, into, into, uh, trouble.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And I'd asked his mom, I sent his mom a note saying, where's Noah?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Cuz no one had seen him in six months hoping that she would
Patrick Mulvaney:
say he is with me in Wisconsin.
Patrick Mulvaney:
In rehab.
Patrick Mulvaney:
He misses everybody.
Patrick Mulvaney:
You'll see him soon.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And she sent back a note that said, we think he's homeless living by the river.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And I haven't seen him in a year.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And if you do see him, tell him that I love him and I'll do the same.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Three weeks later, Noah was in fact at the river and they found him, uh, been
Patrick Mulvaney:
there for a couple of weeks, no one knew.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And it it crystallized for us.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Like, what are we doing?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Where are we going?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Because, you know, in hospitality, that's our job, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
We have, we have the laugh, clown laugh, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
We do the dog and pony and so that, that shield hides much of what's behind us.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And also as a chef, we hide behind being grouchy and demanding and and running and
Patrick Mulvaney:
we're wondering how to get to the core.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And so we sat down and started to talk about it.
Patrick Mulvaney:
We had a meeting plan that was getting on a plane for New York.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And my wife called and said, Bourdain is dead.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And he, uh, spent the weekend with 15 chefs.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It was the best place, but I didn't realize how much Bourdain's death
Patrick Mulvaney:
affected the rest of society because he was to me, one of us, and came home.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And we had a meeting that Tuesday with, uh, heads of all
Patrick Mulvaney:
four major health groups here.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And they said, what are we gonna do?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Let's move this on.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Let's have a meeting and talk about it and study.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And one of my friends from a nonprofit said, wait a minute,
Patrick Mulvaney:
chef says that his world, in his world, people like to get shit done
Patrick Mulvaney:
and they don't like to waste time.
Patrick Mulvaney:
How soon can you have people here?
Patrick Mulvaney:
So 10 days after Bourdain's death, we had 15 leading chefs and restaurateurs
Patrick Mulvaney:
in our town around the table with the best minds in mental health
Patrick Mulvaney:
in Sacramento, talking about what our responsibility was, which is.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Creating an environment where it's okay not to be okay and talk
Patrick Mulvaney:
to provide peer guidance and, and also then to have resources.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Available for people.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Well, you know that in restaurants, as it turns out, we
Patrick Mulvaney:
already have those guys, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
You have the, the waitress who's a doula, the crazy bartender,
Patrick Mulvaney:
the big cuddly chef, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Who you may talk to already.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And, and we, as with Noah's passing, everyone in our community
Patrick Mulvaney:
had seen how affected we were.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And so that had already been set and then the resources came in place
Patrick Mulvaney:
through the grace of people who helped us cooperate along the way.
Patrick Mulvaney:
As it crystallized, there were people who came and said, here, here it is.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It's gonna be called I got your back.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And every day in the restaurant, there will be someone who's a purple hand.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And, uh, they will be available for consultation and guidance and listening.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Uh, and, and here's how it goes.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And we left though that conference, which was in Sacramento, and my wife said, this
Patrick Mulvaney:
is great, but if we don't talk about this every day, It's not gonna be effective.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And she took a empty tee box, put four colors of construction paper on
Patrick Mulvaney:
the outside, and drew faces happy, neutral, angry, and in the weeds.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And then next to him, she put little pieces of paper.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And when you punch in in the afternoon or the morning, three times a week,
Patrick Mulvaney:
sometimes twice a week, you put a card in, how are you feeling today?
Patrick Mulvaney:
And then when you get to the lineup, we say, okay, you know, here's the specials.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Here's who's coming in.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Here's the temperature.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Nine.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Happy two, neutrals, one angry.
Patrick Mulvaney:
But Adam's always a pissed off s o b.
Patrick Mulvaney:
But there's three people who are in the weeds.
Patrick Mulvaney:
What are we going to do as a team to have a successful night?
Patrick Mulvaney:
If you're in the weeds, what can we do for you and what are you gonna learn from
Patrick Mulvaney:
tonight to help you next time when you are not in the weeds, but someone else is?
Patrick Mulvaney:
And that's it.
Patrick Mulvaney:
So
Adam Lamb:
from a practical standpoint, if I'm hearing you correctly, the purple hand
Adam Lamb:
is a position that changes from person to person as long as they've been trained?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Yes.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And the, the training, and we're working with, uh, not nine to five in Toronto.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And on that.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Now, on a formalized training module that's tailored specifically for
Patrick Mulvaney:
hospitality, we started with Mental Health First aid, which is geared
Patrick Mulvaney:
for, um, little more academia, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Uh, so not, not our world, but, uh, has, has come on.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And the, the magic happens because, not that anyone says anything at the
Patrick Mulvaney:
lineup, but when you are pulling mats or buffing silver or, uh, picking
Patrick Mulvaney:
herbs, Then there's an opportunity for conversation to come up and, and it's
Patrick Mulvaney:
important that it's just an opportunity.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It's not a demand, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
So you can take that opportunity or not.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And as we started doing it, we saw people in engaging and starting to go in.
Patrick Mulvaney:
So at the end of 2018, which had been tough already in December, we lost, we had
Patrick Mulvaney:
four people die by suicide in four weeks.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Including again, Cassie's family.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Lets me tell the story a server in our restaurant.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And when I brought everyone back after the Christmas break to say, Cassie is gone.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And I said, what happened?
Patrick Mulvaney:
And they said, well, we don't know, but we know that, that she's died.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And they said, well, how did it work?
Patrick Mulvaney:
And you said It doesn't.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It doesn't matter.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
What matters is that she's gone and.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And we're sad and we wanna deal with our feelings, but I saw everybody else
Patrick Mulvaney:
in my staff reaching out and in leaning in to each other, uh, you know, so when
Patrick Mulvaney:
I said, need to take the day off, go.
Patrick Mulvaney:
You want to go on the walk and scream, have smoke cut onions for a half
Patrick Mulvaney:
an hour so no one can see you cry.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Everything's good.
Patrick Mulvaney:
The important piece for me and the satisfactory piece was because we've
Patrick Mulvaney:
been talking about mental health.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Everybody was, was reaching out across each other in a web and coming to
Patrick Mulvaney:
me and saying, watch out for Ivan.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Noah.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Z's son was working for us.
Patrick Mulvaney:
We're worried about him.
Patrick Mulvaney:
This one is two.
Patrick Mulvaney:
They're talking more than they used to.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That one isn't talking anymore.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Busboy who are saying, I haven't seen this guy playing Call of Duty at
Patrick Mulvaney:
night on the, were worried about him so that everybody was automatically
Patrick Mulvaney:
checking up and that piece of.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It's okay not to be okay.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Meant that everybody was talking about it.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Right.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And what we say now and, and this has continued to go, it served us very
Patrick Mulvaney:
well during the pandemic, even though it was strange to take something
Patrick Mulvaney:
that happened when we were together.
Patrick Mulvaney:
The, the connections and the web remain and what we say today is,
Patrick Mulvaney:
Because I'm from New York and when you grow up and you say how you doing?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Right.
Patrick Mulvaney:
But now we've changed that to how are you doing, comma really.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And the space between comma and really offers the opportunity to let people
Patrick Mulvaney:
share with you how they're feeling.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Sure.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Given the fact
Adam Lamb:
that, you know, the gift has, has to be the space, right?
Adam Lamb:
The willingness to actually.
Adam Lamb:
Sit back and listen instead of, you know, just kind of that false check-in because
Adam Lamb:
you're, you know, on the way to the box or finishing prepping your station and stuff.
Adam Lamb:
The reason I asked about the Purple Hand is my experience during Covid
Adam Lamb:
was, uh, managing a hundred people in a dining department at an upscale
Adam Lamb:
retirement community, which was tough in a lot of ways just because the entire
Adam Lamb:
operation had to change on a dime.
Adam Lamb:
And not only were we dealing with.
Adam Lamb:
The stress of the residents, but we also had associates who were under an enormous
Adam Lamb:
amount of stress and fear because nobody wanted to take home the disease to their,
Adam Lamb:
to their families, and it fell to me.
Adam Lamb:
To make sure that these meetings were happening every day or every other day.
Adam Lamb:
Um, whether they were large standups or small standups, to let folks know
Adam Lamb:
that, you know, compassion and grace is really important and, uh, nobody's that
Adam Lamb:
important that they have to be here.
Adam Lamb:
If they don't need to be here, et cetera, et cetera, then it's okay to be not okay.
Adam Lamb:
But I didn't understand how much it cost me until about mid-March when I
Adam Lamb:
just basically, I fried, you know, and I had to basically, Run away and do a
Adam Lamb:
meditation retreat in, in Florida for a week just to get my, my heart back in
Adam Lamb:
to the operation because at that point I was, you know, my heart was shut down.
Adam Lamb:
I couldn't open back up.
Adam Lamb:
And so this idea that that responsibility of the purple hand changes from person
Adam Lamb:
to person, I think is really, really powerful because as, as the owner
Adam Lamb:
operator, did you feel like a lot of those check-ins were your responsibility to
Patrick Mulvaney:
begin with?
Patrick Mulvaney:
In the beginning, yes.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That idea that, that everybody in some way takes part.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That the sticker for I got your back with the website is on the walk-in box with
Patrick Mulvaney:
all the cheese stickers so that you see it every day, that when you punch out at the
Patrick Mulvaney:
end of the night, uh, your chit has your hours and it says, are you feeling okay?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Remember, if you're not Yana, Dan and Lisa are here for you.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And then the two crisis numbers, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Both the text and the phone number.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That now everybody in my restaurant already has on their phones.
Patrick Mulvaney:
But, but it's a reminder, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
That, that you can speak and, and as you say, right, the, there
Patrick Mulvaney:
is a different level, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
When you're in leadership, particularly when you're at the helm, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Our job as chefs is to direct people, tell them what to do and
Patrick Mulvaney:
promise meaningful employment and work and a sense of worth and it.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And sometimes we let that get in the way of taking care of ourselves.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And, and so what we found here was that there was kind of a, a subset of those
Patrick Mulvaney:
of us who were owner operators, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
And, and chefs and the front of our helm, just like you said, what do you do?
Patrick Mulvaney:
How do you face the fear that you feel yourself while still being
Patrick Mulvaney:
able to talk to your troops?
Patrick Mulvaney:
And so, uh, that for me was the, the support.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That my peers have offered.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Right.
Patrick Mulvaney:
The is has been really tremendous.
Patrick Mulvaney:
So does that
Adam Lamb:
take a different, the, the support that you're getting from your
Adam Lamb:
peers, does that effectively, is that different than I've got your back?
Adam Lamb:
Or is it follow a similar
Patrick Mulvaney:
pattern?
Patrick Mulvaney:
So it is, I got your back, but it's, but it's someone who has,
Patrick Mulvaney:
um, a shared experience with you.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Yeah.
Patrick Mulvaney:
We talk about it in the kitchen.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Everyone who works for me can talk about being a dishwasher cause
Patrick Mulvaney:
we, cuz we've all done it and brag about how to be a dishwasher.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And then you become a pantry chef and you can talk about the things that you
Patrick Mulvaney:
learned there, but you're not in the club.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That includes the people who are on saute or grill on the hotline.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Right.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And then those people like, yeah, hot, badass.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Cooks are good, but they're not sous chefs.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Right.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And they don't, they don't know those problems and those headaches.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And, and the sous chef has a lot of problems and headaches, but
Patrick Mulvaney:
he doesn't have the ones of the chefs, so he can't be in that club.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And so, so that idea that those of us who are in the, the top rungs of
Patrick Mulvaney:
the club could actually speak to each other, uh, in a way that the others
Patrick Mulvaney:
would understand was important.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And it, and it comes down to.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Being vulnerable.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Right.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And, and being able to share.
Patrick Mulvaney:
More important than being able to share is being able to accept, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
To have that grace, to be able to accept the love and help
Patrick Mulvaney:
that people wanna offer to you.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And then to go back to your, your restaurant, to your kitchen and
Patrick Mulvaney:
realize that the people who are working for you are trying to do just that.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And sometimes you have to take away.
Patrick Mulvaney:
You have to let your facade fall to let that love in.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That's a very, very
Adam Lamb:
powerful comment.
Adam Lamb:
And the fact that you're looking to your peers to do that as opposed to
Adam Lamb:
muddying the waters by looking to anybody else, I mean, even from your
Adam Lamb:
wife or, you know, sous chefs or anything like that, because they don't
Adam Lamb:
have that same shared experience.
Adam Lamb:
Um, in previous conversations and in learning more about the program, one of
Adam Lamb:
the things that I understood is that, We're not healthcare professionals, so
Adam Lamb:
while we may lead conversations or look for openings to have conversations,
Adam Lamb:
it's really important to understand that we're not actually trained to
Adam Lamb:
deal with these particular issues.
Adam Lamb:
But I think you were the one that told me that it's really, really important
Adam Lamb:
that we can direct people to resources.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And that's the, the third piece is the resources.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And you're right, we say it all the time, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
I'm here to listen.
Patrick Mulvaney:
I'm here to get you to help, I'm here to do what I can, but I'm not there.
Patrick Mulvaney:
So when I say that, everyone in the restaurant has on their
Patrick Mulvaney:
phone the crisis numbers we do.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And what happens is I'll go in the back, say, you're, you're out having
Patrick Mulvaney:
a smoke by the, by the garbage cans.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And I say, Hey Adam, you don't look good today.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Yeah, I'm having, you know, you're not performing well.
Patrick Mulvaney:
I said, you having trouble and if you say, yep, you know what,
Patrick Mulvaney:
I am, I have a little tough time.
Patrick Mulvaney:
I said, I can't help you.
Patrick Mulvaney:
I, I, I can't help you, but I, I'm not a professional and
Patrick Mulvaney:
I won't be with you forever.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Here, gimme your phone and then type in, if you're young, I type the text line.
Patrick Mulvaney:
If you're old like us, I type the phone number and say, Hey, do, do
Patrick Mulvaney:
you want to talk to these people?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Because they're gonna, they're the ones that'll get you
Patrick Mulvaney:
resources and non-judgmental, and they're gonna help you.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Would you like to talk to them?
Patrick Mulvaney:
And sometimes they want to try it.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And I said, you can, you can do a practice round.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And if they say no, I said, do you mind if I, you wanna
Patrick Mulvaney:
see what it looks like, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
I'll call 'em.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And then I'll just press the buttons and boom, they come on.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Call 9 1 1 if it's an emergency.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Nope.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And 30 seconds later, Hey, who am I talking to?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Hi, this is Patrick here with a buddy who might not, who might
Patrick Mulvaney:
want some help some days Sure.
Patrick Mulvaney:
About how it works.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Do you mind if we go on speaker and have a dry run?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Not at all.
Patrick Mulvaney:
How are you feeling today, Patrick?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Are you safe?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Are you healthy?
Patrick Mulvaney:
What's your challenge?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Here's my challenges.
Patrick Mulvaney:
I don't know where to go or what to do.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Here's some places I would recommend.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Okay, cool.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Thanks very much.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Good.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Click hang up.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Give him the phone back and say you have this number in your phone.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Save it.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Call it pizza.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Call it Chef Life.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Call it whatever you want cuz I'm not gonna be with you
Patrick Mulvaney:
all the time, but now I know.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That you have a resource with you in your pocket 24 7.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That's
Adam Lamb:
so powerful for me because I'm a huge proponent of modeling
Adam Lamb:
and role play as an effective way of training and mentoring.
Adam Lamb:
Like sometimes there's no situations that are, that there's
Adam Lamb:
absolutely no other call except to.
Adam Lamb:
Show somebody what this might look like, especially in a difficult situation
Adam Lamb:
where they're really kind of put back on their heels in a safe environment so
Adam Lamb:
that they know what to do as opposed to, you know, letting their emotion run away
Adam Lamb:
with themselves at the at the moment and maybe end up getting fired because they
Adam Lamb:
said the wrong thing to the wrong person.
Adam Lamb:
But this idea that you could actually pick up the phone, dial the number, and
Adam Lamb:
just kind of walk through the process with them, and now it's in their phone.
Adam Lamb:
Permanent, well, semi permanently, I guess you would say.
Adam Lamb:
Which two crisis numbers.
Adam Lamb:
Do your staff have
Patrick Mulvaney:
text line 7 4 1 7 4 1 and you text hope or help
Patrick Mulvaney:
or you can text pretty much any word and they'll get back to you.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And then the, uh, crisis line.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And let me make sure that I don't mess up.
Patrick Mulvaney:
I don't mean to sit you on the spot.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Nope.
Patrick Mulvaney:
No, no.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Cause I usually remember it, but I don't want to say it wrong.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Okay.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And I actually do have it on a suicide prevention 1 802 7 3 8 2 5 5.
Patrick Mulvaney:
1 802 7 3 8 2 5 5 and 7 4 1, 7, 4 1.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Anywhere in America you can text and the same thing happens.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That happens on the phone.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Boom.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Hi, this is Doris.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Who am I talking to?
Patrick Mulvaney:
And you can just, you can just punch it in
Adam Lamb:
and I think the 7 4 1 7 4 1 number is, if I'm not, uh, mistaken, is
Adam Lamb:
from our friends from across the pond at the Burnt Chef Project, correct?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Yes.
Patrick Mulvaney:
That's where it started.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Yep.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Chris
Adam Lamb:
Hall.
Adam Lamb:
Way to go, man.
Adam Lamb:
And now withstanding the pain, uh, of the loss.
Adam Lamb:
That, you know, the entire community just, you know, had to
Adam Lamb:
go through losing these people.
Adam Lamb:
How has the implementation of this particular program, like what evidence
Adam Lamb:
are you seeing that it's actually working?
Patrick Mulvaney:
So, so after that year, so people started in our
Patrick Mulvaney:
restaurants, so we expanded what we were doing at, at the b and l to
Patrick Mulvaney:
another 15 restaurants in Sacramento.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Um, the people who are in mental health for our profession have said the
Patrick Mulvaney:
program has changed the way we speak about mental health in Sacramento,
Patrick Mulvaney:
widely, for me, most important is that people talk about mental health.
Patrick Mulvaney:
People say, I can't come to work cuz I'm too stressed.
Patrick Mulvaney:
People say, I'm concerned about you.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Because you're dancing with the devil too much, and not only just
Patrick Mulvaney:
in our restaurant, but everywhere.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And so the conversations that used to be flip and covered right behind
Patrick Mulvaney:
our glass wall, now, at least in our world of, of the restaurant, those
Patrick Mulvaney:
conversations are different and those conversations have changed and people,
Patrick Mulvaney:
other people have taken action too.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
There's now an organization that's been tilted up that has.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Group, they've been Zoom for the last year and a half, but now they're going
Patrick Mulvaney:
back to in-person group therapy sessions with a licensed social worker for
Patrick Mulvaney:
regular restaurant workers, females, uh, Hispanics, L G B T for 10 sessions
Patrick Mulvaney:
for $10 a session, and then a referral on a rolling scale to private therapy
Patrick Mulvaney:
sessions for those who need further help.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Everybody now knows when this began.
Patrick Mulvaney:
My phone lit up all the time to say, chef got someone in crisis.
Patrick Mulvaney:
What do we do?
Patrick Mulvaney:
All right, let's walk through it.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Now there's a website.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Now they know, okay, here's where we're going.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Here's what we're doing.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Get them to this person.
Patrick Mulvaney:
I feel badly for.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Umberto is the chief psychiatrist at.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Kaiser Permanente here, and he was dumb enough to gimme his cell phone.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And so there was a lot of texts like, all right, um, Alberto, I need some help.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Where are we going?
Patrick Mulvaney:
But now, because it's because it's a topic of conversation, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Really a lot of it is just taking away the shame, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
And saying, this is, this is who we are and these are the challenges
Patrick Mulvaney:
we face, and let's step up to it.
Patrick Mulvaney:
So really when we talk about, you know, the 12 steps, one of the, one of the.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Important pieces that we take is that if this is true, it's okay to say, hi,
Patrick Mulvaney:
my name is Patrick and I'm an alcoholic.
Patrick Mulvaney:
It's okay to say hi.
Patrick Mulvaney:
My name is Patrick and I'm having a challenge with mental health issues.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Well,
Adam Lamb:
thanks, man.
Adam Lamb:
I mean, I feel blessed cuz I, I, I feel like, uh, you and I are old
Adam Lamb:
friends for some reason, but, uh, we, I literally could spend hours talking
Adam Lamb:
to you and, uh, I reserve the right to, you know, come and hang out,
Adam Lamb:
uh, when we're in Sacramento next.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Absolutely.
Patrick Mulvaney:
We look forward to you.
Patrick Mulvaney:
We have a guest house out back here.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And you know, we are compatriots, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
Cuz we both live in places that have Sierra Nevada breweries.
Adam Lamb:
Exactly.
Adam Lamb:
You know how right that is.
Adam Lamb:
And God, man, there's, if there's ano, if one more brewery opens up in Asheville, I
Adam Lamb:
mean, I don't know what they're gonna do for water, but I thank you for your time.
Adam Lamb:
Uh, I thank you for all your efforts.
Adam Lamb:
I thank you for your standing in the world.
Adam Lamb:
You and I will be speaking hopefully often because I got a lot to learn
Adam Lamb:
from you and, um, to pick your brain about how we can start moving
Adam Lamb:
some of this to North Carolina.
Adam Lamb:
Because there's a need everywhere.
Adam Lamb:
And the more of us that are showing up, the easier it is to, uh, to get going.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And the, and the truth is that, that a lot
Patrick Mulvaney:
of this we're, uh, dumbo, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
We're the feather in dumbo's hat, right?
Patrick Mulvaney:
The truth is you have it inside yourself all the time.
Patrick Mulvaney:
And all you need to do is believe in yourself.
Adam Lamb:
That's it for this episode of Chef Life Radio.
Adam Lamb:
If you enjoyed the episode and you want to hear more, then you want to
Adam Lamb:
grab the link to the exclusive bonus content we recorded and the link is in
Adam Lamb:
the show notes here at Chef Life Radio.
Adam Lamb:
We believe that working in a kitchen should be demanding.
Adam Lamb:
It just shouldn't have to be demeaning.
Adam Lamb:
It should be hard.
Adam Lamb:
It just doesn't have to be harsh.
Adam Lamb:
We believe that it's possible to have more solidarity and less suck it up sunshine,
Adam Lamb:
more compassion, less cutthroat island.
Adam Lamb:
We believe in more partnership and less put up or shut up
Adam Lamb:
more family and less fuck You.
Adam Lamb:
Stand tall and frosty brothers and sisters, but consider for a moment.
Adam Lamb:
For all the blood, sweat, and effort you put into what you do.
Adam Lamb:
At the end of the day, it's just some stuff on a plate.
Adam Lamb:
None of it really matters.
Adam Lamb:
Doesn't define you as a person or make you any more special or less than anyone else.
Adam Lamb:
It's just the dance that we're engaged in.
Adam Lamb:
So we might as well laugh and enjoy every bit of it.
Adam Lamb:
Or didn't you know that the purpose of your life should be to enjoy it?
Adam Lamb:
Like it.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Happy, I love it.
Patrick Mulvaney:
I'm humble.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Goddamn.
Patrick Mulvaney:
Glory Foxwell I don't live on now.
Adam Lamb:
Reach out to the show at facebook.com/chef Life Radio,
Adam Lamb:
Twitter at Chef Life Radio.
Adam Lamb:
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Adam Lamb:
Visit the website@chefwhiteradio.com.
Adam Lamb:
Subscribe to the podcast at any of the major podcasts directories.
Adam Lamb:
Please take a moment and give us a thumbs up and write a review.
Adam Lamb:
It really does help spread the news.
Adam Lamb:
Thanks for listening.
Adam Lamb:
Until the next episode, be well and do good.
Adam Lamb:
This episode was produced by me.
Adam Lamb:
Adam Lamb.
Adam Lamb:
It was recorded in the basement.
Adam Lamb:
Bunker Studio, EM Bardo, North Carolina.
Adam Lamb:
Co-Produced by Thomas Stinson of pod like.com.
Adam Lamb:
Chef Life Radio is a production of Realignment Media.