May 10, 2024

144 Rising Above Abuse to Personal Empowerment with Dana Diaz

144 Rising Above Abuse to Personal Empowerment with Dana Diaz

Have you ever found yourself ensnared in the deceptive web of a narcissist? Dana Diaz, author of the best-selling book "GASPING FOR AIR: THE STRANGLEHOLD OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE" and beacon of hope for those affected by narcissistic abuse, joins me to unfold her own journey from being entrapped to empowering others.  Her insights into the power of honesty and the significance of respecting one's personal boundaries serve as a lifeline for individuals submerged in the complexities of abuse and its aftermath.

Within the heart of our conversation lies a deep exploration of the insidious nature of narcissistic abuse, touching upon the early red flags that often go unnoticed until the danger is all too apparent. Dana recounts her own experiences with domestic violence, offering a poignant reflection on the patterns of manipulation and control that so often characterize these relationships. We examine the resilience it takes to break free, and the strength it takes to rebuild one's sense of self. Our dialogue is not only a map for survivors navigating their way to recovery but also a guide for allies seeking to support them along this arduous path.

This episode encapsulates the essence of empowerment and growth, offering a glimpse into the transformative journey of reclaiming one's life and the courage it takes to chart a course toward personal peace and healing.

Where to connect with Dana Diaz:

Website: https://danasdiaz.com/

Social Media Connect:

Instagram: https://instagram.com/danas.diaz

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danasdiazauthor


I am your host Carol Clegg. As a coach, I help women in business explore fresh ways to focus on their projects, find the right tools for accountability and learn how to build a positive mindset which in turn allows for more empathy, for self and others.

With my personalized accountability and progress coaching combined with the powerful Positive Intelligence program, you'll find ways to shift into an overall happy space.

If you would like to take the complimentary Saboteur assessment, I offer a complimentary coaching session to explore your results. Take your assessment here or visit carolclegg.com

BOOK your ✅ 30 minute complimentary exploration call HERE

Connect on LinkedIn and Instagram or join my Facebook group "Mindset, Tips & Tools for Women in Business"

I am your host Carol Clegg. As a small business coach, I partner with women solopreneurs in midlife, to confidently step out of overwhelm and create a fresh path to success through tailored accountability and mindset coaching, integrated with the powerful Positive Intelligence program. Struggling with procrastination, finding balance in your business and personal life, and cultivating a positive mindset?

Let’s chat!

BOOK your ✅ 30 minute complimentary discovery call

carolclegg.com or book your call here https://bit.ly/discoverycallwithcarol

Connect on LinkedIn and Instagram

Thanks for listening!

Chapters

00:00 - Navigating Narcissistic Abuse

08:25 - Understanding Narcissistic Abuse and Healing

18:02 - Healing Through Self-Discovery and Resilience

28:52 - Empowerment Coaching for Women

Transcript

WEBVTT

00:00:00.341 --> 00:00:04.671
Well, hello and welcome to Connect, inspire, create.

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I'm your host, carol Clegg, a progress and mindset business coach, here to help you thrive and flourish and turn those challenges into opportunities for growth.

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I'm so pleased you're here.

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Join me for the discussions that I hope will not only encourage you but also provide the dose of inspiration that you might just need today.

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This podcast is all about giving you your weekly dose of practical strategies, motivation and insightful conversations designed to boost your business skills, personal growth and happiness.

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So, whether you're looking to find balance, say goodbye to procrastination, or just in need of a friendly nudge towards your goals, remember we're all on this journey together.

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So grab your favorite cup of something, be it coffee, tea or something else, and let's dive into this conversation today.

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Well, in today's episode, I am joined by my guest, dana Diaz.

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She is the author of the bestselling book Gasping for Air the Stranglehold of Narcissistic Abuse Gasping for Air the Stranglehold of Narcissistic Abuse and she's a proud voice for victims of abuse.

00:01:30.528 --> 00:01:42.965
So I know that the show and some of the topic that we might cover I'm going to let Dana dig into that in a moment, but I think you're going to find this very valuable and there might be people that you want to share this episode with.

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So welcome, dana, and thank you for being part of the show.

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Thank you for having me and I do thank you for letting me broach this subject in a very raw way.

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I tend to be very forward about my experiences because I just feel that's where you know my pain is where people are going to grow and learn from as I have.

00:02:04.911 --> 00:02:07.587
That's where you know my pain is where people are going to grow and learn from as I have.

00:02:07.587 --> 00:02:28.532
So I just want to put that out there to begin, that if anybody feels, you know, particularly sensitive or triggered by the subject, just be aware that you know our intent is not to hurt anybody or to cause any pain, but certainly, hopefully, you can take something away from this, you know, to help better your own life or help you see somebody else's situation for what it is.

00:02:29.234 --> 00:02:29.776
Absolutely.

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I think that's so important because sometimes it might not be necessarily directed at you, but it could be somebody else that you're aware of and we can get into that sort of supporting people in that role.

00:02:40.977 --> 00:02:45.790
But before we dig in, I would love to know what we can celebrate with you today.

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And I love that.

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Thank you for asking, because I think sometimes we forget to just be grateful even for just waking up another day.

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Today I'm going to say you know I have been, I'm going through that female change and it's an awful, horrible thing.

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I decided today's the day I'm going to start doing some more weight workouts because I'm a good walker.

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But I thought I'm going to.

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I want to get back a little tone and feel good.

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So I did an hour of.

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They were just little three pound weights, but let me tell you I felt it and I looked in the mirror thinking I should have a six pack of abs after all that.

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But it sure felt good.

00:03:26.981 --> 00:03:30.364
It got some endorphins flowing and got my blood moving.

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So I feel good.

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I'm glad that I did it.

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Well done.

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We don't take time off and you know the small victories and we need to absorb them.

00:03:40.088 --> 00:03:47.133
Well, I would love to our listeners just to share a little insight into who Dana is and what she is doing to help others heal.

00:03:47.992 --> 00:04:10.168
So she is a wife and a mother and an author of more than one bestselling book, but the one that I've mentioned Gasping for Air, the Stranglehold of Narcissistic Abuse and she has had a lifelong experience with this abuse, beginning in her childhood and with her education in journalism and psychology at DePaul University in Chicago.

00:04:10.168 --> 00:04:29.110
It's given her the ability to accurately verbalize and just express how narcissistic abuse creates confusion and conflict within victims, and enabling her to be able to then help other victims know that they're not alone and to better understand their circumstances.

00:04:29.110 --> 00:04:44.684
So I'd like to say that Dana today is the proud voice for fellow victims who are unable, afraid or sometimes just ashamed to share their experiences, and she is on a mission creating awareness and understanding.

00:04:44.684 --> 00:04:46.886
And she is on a mission creating awareness and understanding.

00:04:46.886 --> 00:04:56.132
So, dana, that part I have shared, but I would love to just ask you, from your perspective, how you might choose to introduce yourself if you're meeting somebody for the first time.

00:04:56.634 --> 00:04:57.634
That's very sweet.

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I always say I'm just me, I'm just like everyone else, I'm a normal person just trying to make my way in this world.

00:05:05.156 --> 00:05:18.855
But right now in my life, the last few years, after spending 45 years in child abuse and then in a 25-year relationship marriage that was abusive I just want to help other people.

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That's all I'm trying to do and I'm just that regular person that people can relate to and I say what it is.

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And you know, like I said earlier, I just think that there's so much to learn when we can be honest with ourselves and then maybe, if other people can take that lead in their own lives, like I'm kind of that girl that says me first I'll go, I'll be the first one to get up and say it, but I want other people to follow.

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I'm just trying to reach my hand down in that rabbit hole we fall into and pull everyone up to where I am, and I'm certainly still a work in progress.

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The healing journey goes on forever, but I'm so far from where I was, even a year ago and so much further than two years ago.

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So you know, this is something that we need to definitely help each other with and I think that anytime you can hear somebody's story, there's something that you can get out of it, something that you can relate to.

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So it's always interesting to share, and be heard and listen.

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So I'm so glad to have this opportunity.

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It is.

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It's other people's stories and, as you say, we just pull a piece out of that that we resonate with, that our soul just connects with, and then we step into exploring and it is it's.

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It's a lifelong journey to heal.

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And then there's seasons when certain things come into your vision and you said this is what I'm ready for, this is where I'm going to go.

00:06:45.694 --> 00:06:59.663
So I looked at the title and was thinking about this whole push and pull which it has to be when you're in a romantic relationship with a narcissist and there's heart and love and everything else involved.

00:06:59.663 --> 00:07:02.790
But I'll let you just expand on that a bit.

00:07:02.790 --> 00:07:05.014
Let's kind of dig down into it.

00:07:05.014 --> 00:07:06.576
Started at the basics.

00:07:06.978 --> 00:07:07.860
Yeah, absolutely.

00:07:07.860 --> 00:07:44.331
I mean the push and pull is basically the essence of any relationship with a narcissist and I will say my book refers to my former marriage but you can be in a relationship with a friend, a coworker, it could be a parent Unfortunately I had a narcissistic stepfather but it's literally a love-hate and that's the dichotomy that confuses us and that we struggle with, because they can be so loving and so wonderful and so charming and we see them sometimes for the people that everybody else in the world sees them.

00:07:44.331 --> 00:07:55.548
As I always joke that I didn't go out on the street and see Chucky running down the street with a butcher knife and a striped sweater and disheveled hair and think, oh baby, that's the guy for me.

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No, sir, no, that is not what I went for.

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These are charming people.

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They're heads of our community, they're coaching Little League, they're at church, they're prominent and even if they're not, they're very generous.

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They're charming, they're funny.

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People love them.

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But when you do something that they disapprove of, they're going to take it out on you.

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If you are their so-called person, let's say their target, you're going to pay for it.

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That's where the hate comes in and the problem is this is an insidious type of relationship.

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So like I look at how I I remember at the end of my marriage, I looked at like how did we get from point A to point B, because point A was only?

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I want to say, three weeks into dating, just three weeks, we should still be in the puppy dog phase and in love.

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And all this?

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He threw something at me in a fit of rage.

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It was over a CD, a compact disc that I had purchased, which I thought was a very big overreaction to throw something at me and start screaming and yelling about a music CD that I bought.

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Anger triggers me, makes me want to run.

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I don't want any part of it.

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Have fun with yourself.

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I'm gone.

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But he came back and it was.

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I'm so sorry.

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I'll never do that.

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I just had a bad day and I began.

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I didn't realize it, but I began turning into my mother because in my childhood my mother enabled, excused and tolerated all the things her husband was doing to both of us.

00:09:39.316 --> 00:09:47.181
He wasn't my biological father, so there were some he had issues with that, but I started doing the same thing.

00:09:47.181 --> 00:09:48.924
Well, we all have a bad day.

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Maybe something really terrible happened at work.

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Give him some grace right Then.

00:09:53.823 --> 00:09:56.469
The next time it was just a little worse.

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He slammed a door so hard, taking it off its hinges I actually got locked in that room.

00:10:02.964 --> 00:10:05.586
Hockey sticks were going through walls.

00:10:05.586 --> 00:10:12.773
It's a little more intense by the end.

00:10:13.192 --> 00:10:22.158
Even after the divorce, there were two incidents of domestic violence loving person, you know, reasonable person in a relationship.

00:10:22.158 --> 00:10:41.650
In the beginning I was thinking, like I said, we all have bad days.

00:10:41.650 --> 00:10:48.792
But I kept giving him those graces and every time I made an excuse or tolerated something I shouldn't have, he knew he could keep pushing those boundaries a little further out.

00:10:48.792 --> 00:11:23.187
So from point A to point B my boundaries were here and then by the end I'm not sure there were any, you know, but it's very scary because what we have to look at, the latest statistic I read I just read this last week online, whether it's accurate or not, but it's scary nonetheless that 38% of all women murdered in the entire world are murdered by their intimate partner, whether it's a spouse, a boyfriend or if they have a girlfriend or a wife.

00:11:23.187 --> 00:11:27.038
38%, that's huge, that's a lot.

00:11:27.551 --> 00:11:29.919
Are all narcissists abusive?

00:11:29.919 --> 00:11:34.041
No, not at all, and this is how I describe it to people.

00:11:34.041 --> 00:11:46.163
Forgive the little bit of a long explanation, but the word narcissist actually comes from the Greek god Narcissus, who liked to look at his reflection in the water because he was so handsome, I guess.

00:11:46.163 --> 00:11:54.124
So these are people on social media, you know, taking selfies every five minutes and they look as good as they think they do.

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I mean, let's be real, but they're not bothering anybody.

00:11:59.230 --> 00:12:07.618
How narcissism has come to become a form of abuse is when you have somebody that needs to have that admiration and praise.

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They need to be exalted more because of a deep-seated insecurity that they don't think much of themselves.

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So they need others to make them feel important and make them feel superior.

00:12:19.841 --> 00:12:25.903
So they start doing things to other people, you know, using abusive tactics.

00:12:25.903 --> 00:12:30.173
On the low end they'll just gaslight you, manipulate.

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You maybe be controlling, jealous, you know, domineering, bossy.

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That gives them a sense of power.

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It fulfills their ego.

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But some of them take it to an extreme Right, where the violence is coming in.

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They are going to overpower and dominate you, and the problem with narcissistic abuse is that they will use any and all forms of abuse so you might be physically abused, verbally, sexually abused, legally abused, financially abused.

00:13:03.990 --> 00:13:14.364
I mean whatever form of control or power they can use to basically manipulate you into doing what they want you to do.

00:13:14.364 --> 00:13:16.691
I mean, even on the low end.

00:13:16.691 --> 00:13:30.712
My ex-husband used to ask me a question and and immediately follow it by saying your response should be dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, and I'm like putting words in your mouth before you.

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Yeah, now controlling what you want me to say.

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But, he was and he was controlling who my friends were where we lived, which he made sure to move me.

00:13:40.543 --> 00:13:44.980
It's a very common thing they move you away from all your friends and family.

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They want you isolated.

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They want to be the only influence.

00:13:50.158 --> 00:13:56.432
I didn't even see our neighbor for years, and I mean years, our next door neighbor.

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He was afraid that.

00:13:58.918 --> 00:14:01.504
I might influence you that it was contagious.

00:14:01.504 --> 00:14:08.196
Yeah, so that would bring me you know why you touched on that a little earlier, that it's sometimes so difficult.

00:14:08.196 --> 00:14:11.289
But why did people stay in these abusive relationships?

00:14:11.289 --> 00:14:13.294
What did they need in the thinking?

00:14:13.294 --> 00:14:15.841
What would have happened if you'd had contact with your neighbor?

00:14:16.750 --> 00:14:20.681
You know I always try to look at well, why do people abuse?

00:14:20.681 --> 00:14:24.159
But why do we stay in these situations we know aren't good for us?

00:14:24.159 --> 00:14:28.942
The first reason I'm going to give is the same reasons anybody else does.

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You're invested.

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You've met their family.

00:14:31.989 --> 00:14:33.441
You might have, you know, intertwined relations, met their family.

00:14:33.441 --> 00:14:35.374
You might have intertwined relations with the family.

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Maybe you have a child with them.

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We eventually had a child.

00:14:38.288 --> 00:14:40.173
Even if you're not married, you might have a kid.

00:14:40.173 --> 00:14:42.839
You might have a house, a mortgage.

00:14:42.839 --> 00:14:45.851
It's not as easy just to say I'm not happy.

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Now I'm going to take off.

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The other thing is that the problem with this love hate thing is that you know they're capable of being good to you.

00:14:56.193 --> 00:14:58.620
You know they're capable of loving you.

00:14:58.620 --> 00:14:59.341
You've seen it.

00:14:59.341 --> 00:15:00.910
You've seen it over and over.

00:15:01.773 --> 00:15:08.772
So like for me, I I mean, I was thinking it was me Like if I'm better he'll have to be better.

00:15:08.772 --> 00:15:25.359
I was Googling how to be a good wife, thinking if somebody could tell me what more I could do, how could I evoke more of that good side of him and not so much of that bad side, you know, but there's always that hope, especially if you're.

00:15:25.359 --> 00:15:27.471
Nobody wants to get a divorce, you know.

00:15:27.471 --> 00:15:29.416
Especially we had a son we had.

00:15:29.416 --> 00:15:30.840
You know you have your life.

00:15:30.840 --> 00:15:33.879
You don't want to dismantle that without giving it a true shot.

00:15:33.879 --> 00:15:37.783
Conversation we could have about cortisol, the stress hormone.

00:15:37.783 --> 00:15:48.433
When you're in an abusive situation or even just a very volatile toxic relationship, you get that stress hormone running through your body, cortisol.

00:15:48.433 --> 00:15:52.081
Your body actually can become addicted to it.

00:15:52.100 --> 00:15:53.864
I was just thinking about that.

00:15:54.230 --> 00:16:08.451
Yeah, I mean we've heard the term trauma bond and the cortisol plays into that trauma bond, because some of us do try to leave, we do try to detach because our mind I mean we don't want that situation any more than anyone else.

00:16:08.451 --> 00:16:14.254
But it feels like detox, it feels like starving an alcoholic.

00:16:14.254 --> 00:16:27.602
From alcohol you feel such terrible physical symptoms of withdrawal that you think you need to go back to this person, struggle to really express in a way people that haven't been there would understand.

00:16:27.602 --> 00:16:49.991
But it's a strange thing when you're in this situation that the person that is causing you all this fear and all this pain and all this trauma is the only person that can make you feel safe and secure.

00:16:51.174 --> 00:16:56.532
And loved probably and all those beautiful feelings it is.

00:16:56.711 --> 00:16:59.299
So trying to take yourself out of that.

00:16:59.299 --> 00:17:13.676
This is why, well, at least as far as women, women will make an attempt to leave an abusive situation at least seven times before they successfully do, if they ever successfully do so.

00:17:13.696 --> 00:17:14.818
We're in the situation.

00:17:14.818 --> 00:17:16.061
You are where you are today.

00:17:16.061 --> 00:17:17.703
You've remarried, which is beautiful.

00:17:17.703 --> 00:17:34.580
You've written not only one book, but working on right, second and third will be coming Fantastic, so there's obviously a healing process, because we talk about now, you know, this chemical hit and this dependency and everything else.

00:17:34.580 --> 00:17:40.125
What does the healing process look like once you have been able to get out of?

00:17:40.125 --> 00:17:42.092
What are some of the things you had to do?

00:17:42.092 --> 00:17:45.221
What are some of the things I'm sure you probably write about in your book?

00:17:45.550 --> 00:17:59.805
It's a very nasty thing and I will say that I think most people think you go to sleep at night, you know deciding you want to heal, and your fairy godmother springs magical fairy dust on you and you wake up and you're skipping and smiling and there's rainbows and unicorns.

00:17:59.805 --> 00:18:00.994
It doesn't work that way.

00:18:00.994 --> 00:18:02.375
I wish it did.

00:18:02.375 --> 00:18:15.157
It was very hard because, especially coming out of an abusive situation, a lot of times money is controlled or squandered or both, and that was certainly the case in mine.

00:18:15.157 --> 00:18:24.076
So I know and plus I was timed if I even went to the store for, you know, simple groceries, so I couldn't just say, oh, I'm going to therapy because of you.

00:18:24.076 --> 00:18:33.423
And even after the divorce, you know, I was a single mother at 45 with a kid that was just about to go off to college, after high school graduation.

00:18:33.423 --> 00:18:38.857
So money was a little tight and I started with me.

00:18:38.877 --> 00:18:57.957
It took me some time to kind of unthink all the things that he had put in my head, because there were so many rules about what I could wear, what I looked like, what I could cook for dinner, where I could go, even around the house.

00:18:57.957 --> 00:19:05.098
And I remember one evening my son said to me he was 17 years old and he's like we don't have to do that anymore.

00:19:05.098 --> 00:19:06.782
Mom, you can do what you want.

00:19:06.782 --> 00:19:10.453
And I used that example for myself.

00:19:10.453 --> 00:19:13.176
I remember laying in bed one night thinking that example for myself.

00:19:13.176 --> 00:19:15.199
I remember laying in bed one night thinking, hmm, what do I want?

00:19:15.199 --> 00:19:22.105
And it's such a magical question that has helped me in so many ways through the healing process.

00:19:27.109 --> 00:19:29.416
In the beginning it was what do I want in the scheme of life, like what do I want for me A bigger picture, right.

00:19:29.436 --> 00:19:33.237
And they were the same things I had always wanted, you know, 25 years before, right.

00:19:33.529 --> 00:19:34.875
So looking for them again.

00:19:35.176 --> 00:19:36.615
Yeah, I wanted to be a writer.

00:19:36.615 --> 00:19:41.761
I even wanted to be married, just not to a man who was trying to kill me.

00:19:41.761 --> 00:19:45.255
And you know, I wanted to travel, just simple things.

00:19:45.255 --> 00:19:46.615
I wasn't asking for much.

00:19:46.615 --> 00:19:51.935
But as I went on, you know I was having panic attacks.

00:19:51.935 --> 00:19:54.338
I was, I mean the breathing, the hyper.

00:19:54.338 --> 00:20:10.452
I mean I would hyperventilate so badly if I was triggered that I would black out, and I mean it was awful and nobody likes to feel that or have such anxiety around certain people that I was sweating profusely and panicky and my heart was racing.

00:20:10.452 --> 00:20:16.781
So I learned even in those moments yes, just to stop for a second, dana, what do I want?

00:20:16.781 --> 00:20:17.644
What do I want?

00:20:18.224 --> 00:20:28.080
And it sounds so silly and childish and simplistic, but you know what, sometimes, like my husband that I'm married to now he I've known his family 20 years.

00:20:28.080 --> 00:20:43.906
I've known him for so many of those years as well, almost 10 years, I want to say so I was, I was happy that he was a friend at that time, but you know he would be with me maybe when I was having one of these you know anxiety attacks and I just maybe needed his arms around me.

00:20:43.906 --> 00:20:44.916
That's all I wanted.

00:20:44.916 --> 00:20:46.539
I just wanted to be safe.

00:20:46.539 --> 00:20:53.484
Other times I just wanted to be alone and and just I couldn't have like stimulation.

00:20:53.484 --> 00:20:59.828
I didn't want to be around people and lights, like maybe I just needed a minute to to calm and breathe and focus.

00:20:59.828 --> 00:21:05.346
You know, and honestly I joke sometimes but maybe I just wanted a popsicle, whatever.

00:21:05.346 --> 00:21:08.244
It sounds dumb, but you have to ask yourself what do you want?

00:21:08.244 --> 00:21:13.051
Because it's a simple question that helps you self-regulate.

00:21:13.112 --> 00:21:24.509
It helps you calm your back Right, and you know I relate to what you're saying because you know, in the work that I do with positive intelligence, it's that case of slowing down that analytical, overstimulated side of your brain.

00:21:24.509 --> 00:21:26.761
Oh my goodness, and it's something so simple.

00:21:26.761 --> 00:21:33.104
So when you say you know having a popsicle, I mean I'm sure it can be something as simple as let's just take a big deep breath.

00:21:33.104 --> 00:21:37.570
But even just that, asking yourself that question is you know what do I want?

00:21:42.316 --> 00:21:53.962
And coming back to something really simple that you can bring yourself off going down that rabbit hole that you spoke about earlier, Because the reality is is that in that heightened state I mean I knew there was no focus I could barely put two words together.

00:21:53.962 --> 00:22:01.949
I mean, even if somebody asked me what I wanted, I couldn't even think, because there's a million things swirling in my head.

00:22:01.949 --> 00:22:05.806
Us healed people stumble back every now and then.

00:22:05.806 --> 00:22:13.861
I'm overthinking, maybe, but like I'm having a moment, I just I really need reassurance, right now I just need reassurance.

00:22:13.994 --> 00:22:16.503
Can you know that you love me and we're good?

00:22:18.239 --> 00:22:26.326
And you know again it is because, at least I think, if you ask yourself what you want, over time you get that power back.

00:22:26.326 --> 00:22:28.858
You begin to know yourself to that point.

00:22:28.858 --> 00:22:47.522
But practicing that, it almost comes to the point like now what something that would have completely dysregulated me two years ago just kind of rolls off because I have realized like okay, didn't end the world, the ground didn't open up and swallow me.

00:22:47.522 --> 00:22:56.047
I'm here, it's good, it's going to be okay and I can breathe and breathing, by the way, deep breathing reduces cortisol levels.

00:22:56.047 --> 00:22:59.821
So it is a very big thing, it's a good, calming thing to do.

00:23:00.395 --> 00:23:00.938
It's interesting.

00:23:00.938 --> 00:23:03.425
You know when we started off and I said to you what can we celebrate?

00:23:03.425 --> 00:23:04.577
And you spoke about weights.

00:23:04.577 --> 00:23:17.183
But if you listen to this whole story and then you think where you are now and the fact that certain situations no longer trigger you, I'd like to ask you our listeners have listened to and thank you for sharing from your heart.

00:23:17.183 --> 00:23:18.046
What would you?

00:23:18.046 --> 00:23:21.619
One thing that you would love for them just to take away?

00:23:21.660 --> 00:23:28.077
I always tell people I call it my mom advice listen to your gut.

00:23:28.077 --> 00:23:45.686
Because, let me tell you, in every situation in life, in every person you meet, every decision you have to make, every crossroad you come to follow your gut because usually it's telling you something.

00:23:45.686 --> 00:23:47.359
There is some reason.

00:23:47.359 --> 00:23:50.721
You're feeling a certain way, and I'm going to go so far.

00:23:50.721 --> 00:23:56.301
I have people that say, yeah, but there's no reason for me to feel I don't care what the reason is.

00:23:56.301 --> 00:24:01.119
My great-grandma used to say your gut is your guardian angel, whispering in your ear.

00:24:01.119 --> 00:24:02.923
It's a nice, sweet idea.

00:24:02.923 --> 00:24:21.028
Whatever you think, call it, fate, the universe, God, whatever, listen to it because most of the time it's right and there is a reason, because we talk ourselves in and out of things you know, enabling, excusing, tolerating all that stuff.

00:24:21.209 --> 00:24:24.701
Follow your gut there you go To our listeners.

00:24:24.701 --> 00:24:25.383
There you go.

00:24:25.383 --> 00:24:29.279
Something simple, but certainly something to sit up and take notice of.

00:24:29.279 --> 00:24:35.601
So, dana, I'd love to just find out is there something you're passionate and working on at the moment that you'd like to?

00:24:35.641 --> 00:24:36.082
share.

00:24:36.082 --> 00:24:37.944
Yes, I'm very excited.

00:24:37.944 --> 00:24:48.097
So, gasping for Air, my book that has been out almost a year now, that talks about that narcissistic marriage, that relationship that I had that 25 years.

00:24:48.097 --> 00:24:49.059
But I have had.

00:24:49.059 --> 00:24:54.977
So many people unfortunately relate to it but want to know well, how did that happen?

00:24:54.977 --> 00:24:58.321
Because they've met me and they're like that wouldn't happen to you.

00:24:58.321 --> 00:24:59.923
How could you fall into that?

00:24:59.923 --> 00:25:04.150
Well, the childhood, that's where everything happens.

00:25:04.150 --> 00:25:06.820
I mean, honestly, that's where narcissists are created too.

00:25:07.303 --> 00:25:13.038
So I have finished the second book, which hopefully will be out by the end of the summer.

00:25:13.038 --> 00:25:38.488
The publisher has it now doing a final reread, but that will talk about my childhood and what led me into another abusive situation with a narcissist Because, as I said, my stepfather was a narcissist and so I didn't know what one was back then, but he physically and verbally abused me and basically primed me for the life that I led after.

00:25:38.488 --> 00:26:03.470
And then the sequel to Gasping for Air, where we talk more about this happy stuff, the healing process, how I got through that, you know divorce, and I mean I was an empty nester, my son left, and you know then I'm getting remarried, which I never thought I would ever do again, and trying to heal from a lifetime of stuff and what I learned.

00:26:03.470 --> 00:26:08.086
That all comes in the sequel which actually I am just tightening up now.

00:26:08.086 --> 00:26:16.407
Hopefully by the end of this month I'll have that done, so maybe further out towards the end of this year that one will be done and out.

00:26:16.474 --> 00:26:48.579
But I'm very excited for both because I feel like there's so many people that have had that toxic relationship that also had that childhood that primed them for it, but I want to also give people that hope that, believe me, I was the first one that I was like there's no way I don't need to be married again, I don't even want to be in a relationship and all this, but it actually it was almost more hopeful and helped me heal faster than I would have on my own.

00:26:48.579 --> 00:26:50.346
So I think there's something there.

00:26:50.788 --> 00:26:51.651
That's wonderful.

00:26:51.651 --> 00:27:00.260
So if somebody wanted to connect with you and just you know, keep it, keep in touch and kind of know when your books are coming out and just learn more about you.

00:27:00.260 --> 00:27:02.507
Where is the best place for them to find you?

00:27:03.414 --> 00:27:07.507
You can find me at DanaSDiazcom on my website.

00:27:07.507 --> 00:27:15.627
You can click the links for Facebook and Instagram or just go straight to Facebook and Instagram and type in Dana SD, as I'm sure I'll pop up.

00:27:15.627 --> 00:27:19.284
You can also email me directly from the website.

00:27:19.284 --> 00:27:26.820
I'm not a therapist or a doctor or an attorney or a financial advisor, but I can certainly direct you to resources that have helped me.

00:27:26.820 --> 00:27:33.915
But, yes, I love hearing from people and this podcast will also be on my website, on my Press Room page.

00:27:33.915 --> 00:27:45.502
I ask everybody to please share this with somebody, because oftentimes people in these situations are putting on as much of a show as the person they're with.

00:27:45.502 --> 00:27:46.804
They're out in public.

00:27:46.804 --> 00:28:06.566
They say, hey, this was really interesting, you might find it, you know, something interesting to listen to and it might resonate and help them see things a little differently.

00:28:06.835 --> 00:28:07.838
And give them the courage.

00:28:08.300 --> 00:28:08.864
Exactly.

00:28:09.434 --> 00:28:20.826
So, dana, thank you, thank you for being willing to share from your heart and I know, as you know, this is going to touch somebody, it's going to make a difference, so that is the hope Appreciate you sharing.

00:28:27.135 --> 00:28:28.861
Thank you for listening today.

00:28:29.082 --> 00:28:40.423
If our conversation has sparked some inspiration for you or you could just somebody comes to mind that you think of they need to listen to this episode, I ask you, please, to go ahead and share it with others.

00:28:40.423 --> 00:28:51.567
And today I encourage you embrace your own unique way of connecting, inspiring or creating, and let it bring a sense of joy into your world.

00:28:51.567 --> 00:29:12.304
In my role as a coach, I love to work with women, business owners, entrepreneurs, solopreneurs, and help them explore fresh ways to focus on their projects, find the right tools for accountability and learn how to build a positive mindset which, in turn, allows for more empathy, not only for yourself, but for others and situations.

00:29:12.304 --> 00:29:24.202
With my personalized accountability and progress coaching, which I combine with the powerful positive intelligence program, you will find ways to shift into an overall happier space.

00:29:24.202 --> 00:29:33.823
If you would like to take the complimentary saboteur assessment, I offer a follow-up complimentary coaching session to help you explore your results.

00:29:33.823 --> 00:29:40.859
Do take a note of the link in the show notes or visit my site carolcleggcom.

00:29:40.859 --> 00:29:43.563
Until the next time, thanks for listening.

Dana S. Diaz Profile Photo

Dana S. Diaz

Dana S. Diaz is a wife, mother, and author of the best-selling book GASPING FOR AIR: THE STRANGLEHOLD OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE. In addition to her life-long experience with narcissistic abuse, Dana's education in journalism and psychology at DePaul University in Chicago gave her the ability to accurately verbalize and express how narcissistic abuse creates confusion and conflict within victims, so that she can help other victims know they are not alone and better understand their own circumstances.

Today, Dana is a proud voice for fellow victims who are unable, afraid, or ashamed to share their experiences. Her first book, chronicling her own abusive marriage that lasted nearly three decades, started as a journal that she hid under the couch cushion in the basement.