Clarissa Burt on Becoming the Confident Person You Were Meant to Be

Rich Bennett 0:00
Thanks for joining the conversation, where we explore the stories and experiences that shape our world. I'm your host, Rich Bennett, and today we had the pleasure of welcoming the incredible Clarissa Bert. Clarissa is an internationally acclaimed author, award winning media personality and a leading voice in the field of self-esteem and personal development. Her latest book, The Self-esteem Regime, is a powerful manual mission and movement designed to help individuals build happy, healthy self-esteem and in these challenging times. Clarissa's Insights and practical strategies for building mental strength, resilience and confidence are more relevant than ever and I mean ever. So welcome to the show, Clarissa. How you doing? 

Clarissa Burt 0:50
Oh, nice, Rich. I'm doing awesome. I love that pre-show chat, by the way. Really nice. Get in. We're kind of like homies from New Jersey. The two of. Got a cool and. 

Rich Bennett 1:01
95 corridor. You know. 

Clarissa Burt 1:05
Yeah. I mean, boy, did you hit the nail on the head when you say, you know, definitely these are the times. I think more than ever, that self-esteem really is. It's it's it's tackling our kids. Definitely. I mean, you know, we do as you as of last year our attorney general, his name is Vivek Murthy came out and said that last April, I guess was he said, we've got a youth mental health crisis and we do. And that is where, you know, our kids are, you know, either depressed or anxious. They're thinking you committed to committing suicide or are committing suicide. The numbers are astronomical. Here's another one for you. We've got a loneliness epidemic. Everybody's got their nose in these damn devices or licks or doom, whatever it is, and they're not getting out and spending time with one another. Human contact is of such great importance, whether it's just being in the same room, you know, throwing back a beer brewed with a friend or, you know, getting together for a lovely high tea with a girlfriend, whatever that is. You know, we definitely need to be getting back to the kitchen table. We need to be getting back to, you know, our outings. You know, we need to be getting back to nature and put the damned devices away. 

Rich Bennett 2:10
Yes. 

Clarissa Burt 2:11
Cause we are all losing ourselves and our psyche. The collective psyche is absolutely is not belying that fact. We are. If you look around even a number of men, even the number of men right now that are committing suicide is astronomical. 

Rich Bennett 2:30
Ridiculous. 

Clarissa Burt 2:31
Look at what happened with the golfer last weekend. Right at the PGA was a PGA national championship. Bryson was his name. Bryson something. The other or other he showed up to? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was a golfer that was on the PGA. I'm sorry, I can't remember his name. I'm not real good with names. Is Bryson Murray, I believe, or McMurray. Something along those lines. And he he showed up from day one. You know, this is a this is a PGA. You know, this is like a. 

Rich Bennett 2:56
Right. 

Clarissa Burt 2:57
Well, golfer engaged the whole nine yards. Beautiful girl. You know, he's got the here he is. Top of the world, right? But he has been very vocal or was very, very vocal about his, you know, problems with with anxiety and depression. He was sort of like, if you will, a poster poster child for that. Well, he got there day one and played data. He pulled out half day. And the next day they they they found him. And he was he had killed himself on the lies himself. 

Rich Bennett 3:23
What? 

Clarissa Burt 3:24
Yeah. Yeah. And so that was last week. So. 

Rich Bennett 3:30
Seattle. Watch the news. 

Clarissa Burt 3:32
Well, I try not to either. I have to be. Really? Really. 

Rich Bennett 3:36
Well, 

Clarissa Burt 3:37
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was kind of, you know, it was I think it really brought it home for everybody 

that, you know, it doesn't matter, you know, how much money you have famous you are, how you know, it can affect and does affect 

Rich Bennett 3:57
every. 

Clarissa Burt 3:57
many, many different lives. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 4:00
Oh, we target. We talk about this a lot, especially mental health 

Clarissa Burt 4:05
I'm 

Rich Bennett 4:06
crisis. 

Clarissa Burt 4:06
sorry. I looked it up. Just. Just. Just because I want to be. 

Rich Bennett 4:09
Sure. 

Clarissa Burt 4:10
Well, his name is Grayson Murray. Grayson. 

Rich Bennett 4:13
Okay. 

Clarissa Burt 4:14
So I want to make sure that I got out and said it properly, because saying it like that, you know, I just dealt with it with names. But there you go. I mean, and it's happening all the time. Our military, you know, how many are we got going, you know? 

Rich Bennett 4:28
Well, they say 22 a day, but it's higher than that. 

Clarissa Burt 4:31
Higher than that. And you should know, because I want to thank you for your service. But definitely, no, I will thank you for my freedom more than your service both to both and there you go. Yeah. I mean, so you've said that right? Between social media and the fact that we're not spending time with one another anymore and we're we are constantly on these devices, I believe is one of the main reasons that we're in the position and condition that we're in. 

Rich Bennett 4:57
Oh, absolutely. And I also believe that COVID did not help at all because you took the kids out of their social surroundings 

Clarissa Burt 5:05
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 5:05
and now they're confined and even people. We're confined to home. And all of that social activity was going. 

Clarissa Burt 5:13
It was gone. Yeah. You know, you took your kids away from their graduations, from their proms, from each other, and you gave them even more time to be spent on the devices and the things by. 

Rich Bennett 5:24
Exactly. 

Clarissa Burt 5:25
By the way, the things that they are finding on these devices. We're not Kansas anymore, Rich. It's not our childhood. Right. We didn't know from nothing. I didn't know half of this. I mean, it took me a long time to learn, right? Many years to learn what these kids know by six, seven, eight, nine. 

Rich Bennett 5:43
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 5:44
At their fingertips. I really would like to think that there are filters put in place by the parents, but still, you know, the kids, they get together in the groups and their friends, you know how they do. And so. 

Rich Bennett 5:54
Well, constrict. Clarissa. They're allowed to take their phones in school now and use them to take. 

Clarissa Burt 5:59
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 6:01
Open them. 

Clarissa Burt 6:02
They do a lot of bullying. 

Rich Bennett 6:04
Yes. 

Clarissa Burt 6:05
Through their phones as well, which is something we didn't have and know the bullying for us was, you know, outside you go outside on the recess or it was on the walk to school or the walk home from school. That was really it. That was the sum total of it. Right. And it used to be dealt with differently. Now, if you take a bullying query to any of the schools anyway, and why the school, this teacher is not going to remain the principal is not going The school board is not going to do anything. It's just like a get over it. It is what it is and it isn't what it is because bullying. 

Rich Bennett 6:33
Now. 

Clarissa Burt 6:34
Absolutely change the trajectory of your life? Most definitely. So I would say, you know, again, sorry, just these like the idea that, you know, they are they are these kids are 

attacking each other way. Let me put this out for you as well. As long as we're talking about kids and what they have. You have three, four, five, six, seven year olds that are playing. What what are the names of the games that are all real blow Everyone is blowing everybody up and has. 

Rich Bennett 7:02
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 7:03
All the all of those games. Rich. Do you think anything good can come from planting those seeds in our young? Young? 

Rich Bennett 7:12
Absolutely not. 

Clarissa Burt 7:14
Absolutely not. And then you want to know why we've got the shootings that we do in the theaters, in our schools or wherever else, you know, in the streets and churches. It's kind of like, well, what's the big deal? I've been doing this my whole life. Yeah, it was kind of fake. I think that there's a there's a very fine line for a lot for a lot of these kids that may not that may need the mental the mental health attention, that they're not getting a very fine line between what is reality, what is truth and what isn't. And so, you know, we've got to be I know it's it comes back on the adult, but it is it is what it is. Parenting is probably one of the most difficult thing. I don't know. I'm not a parent, but I've been, let's say a mother to many. And and I know that that, you know, we I really think Hollywood the movies we need a change 

Rich Bennett 8:02
Oh, God. 

Clarissa Burt 8:03
We need to get a lot of violence out of their way. 

Rich Bennett 8:07
Yeah, well, the thing with the parenting part is 

I remember as a kid, if I did something wrong, I got my ass busted. You do that today. Next thing you know, you're getting locked up. 

Clarissa Burt 8:22
Yeah. You're going to jail? 

Rich Bennett 8:24
And 

Clarissa Burt 8:25
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 8:25
the same you mentioned, you know, about, you know, with being bullied in school, you know, what were we taught if somebody was bullying you, You stand up to them. 

Clarissa Burt 8:35
Yeah, of course. 

Rich Bennett 8:36
Nowadays You do that in school or anywhere. You end up getting in trouble. It's 

Clarissa Burt 8:43
I know as everything has turned 

Rich Bennett 8:44
sad. 

Clarissa Burt 8:44
bad, it's good. It's bad now, You know, they I hear that said many all the time. And I don't understand where that all went wrong, but I do understand that, you know, I think, you know, when we went down the line, my personal opinion, we went down the line of everybody gets a trophy, the partisans. 

Rich Bennett 8:58
Oh, God. 

Clarissa Burt 9:00
And when we started to go down the line of soft parenting is when I think that, you know, and I'm not look, I'm not saying that, you know, going overboard with discipline is a good thing either. A lot of people get you know, people are real screwed up because they had, you know, really horrible lives, violence in the home and all of that. But there has and here's the other the other problem that I'd like to bring to the fore, and that is parenting does not come with a manual. It does not come with an instruction booklet. And so if you didn't have good parents, where did you learn it from? And if you and if you didn't have good parents, where do you need to go to order to ensure that the toxic stops with me? 

Rich Bennett 9:48
Hmm. 

Clarissa Burt 9:49
Toxic stops with me. And I say that frequently, Rich, because I think it's just that we're not on camera. So I'm moving around a lot. 

But that is so true. I talk about, you know, the toxic stops here. You know, just because I was beat as a child doesn't mean I have to run around beating everybody. And a lot of people say, well, my parents did it, so it must be right. Well, I'm going to I'd like you to question that theory a minute and do everything in your power, which is why I am as passionate about the book that I wrote and the subject matter as I am, because, you know, self-esteem is one of those kind of things that your relationship with self and others and nobody wants to be hit. Nobody wants to be beat. Nobody likes violence. Nobody wants. 

Rich Bennett 10:27
Right. 

Clarissa Burt 10:28
Nobody, you know, you're not really you're not born bellicose, right? You're not. It's kind of not one of those things. You know, most people aren't. And let's just say, you know, at that point, I invite I really do invite everyone that is in that is listening and knows that we are all a work in progress. There is never a perfect point. 

Rich Bennett 10:48
Right. 

Clarissa Burt 10:48
Lives, you know, because life is life, it will trigger and it ebbs and flows. But you have to have the tools in the shed on any given day that you need in order to navigate what's coming at you. And a lot of that is, you know, it's emotional regulation. That was a huge thing for me. I came from a house full of screaming and yelling and hitting and, you know, all the stuff. And so when I first started, you know, when I first started out out the door, you know, when you leave home, I'm yelling and screaming, never hit anybody. Thank God I knew that was yelling and screaming because the loud from my what I was taught, a lot of the voice in the room was the winner. 

Rich Bennett 11:26
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 11:27
You know what I mean? 

Rich Bennett 11:27
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 11:29
And that's what. So again, going back to it is my sacred duty. It is our sacred duty to come to come complete. 

Rich Bennett 11:41
Hmm. 

Clarissa Burt 11:42
Clean to come with what I call the four pillars. I'm sorry. The value system for pillars of self esteem is something else I'll get to in a second. But your value system, if I say to you what are your top four or five values? Rich, some people will sit and go that what's values? What's values, what's a value? Nobody 

Rich Bennett 11:59
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 11:59
knows what a system is or few do. And so if you can create those four or five things that you have, you draw the line in the sand that you will absolutely will. That is your. Those are your boundaries. And you come up. Mine are this. I like to say that I take the high road honesty, integrity, gratitude and honor. And if I can come every day to the table, to my relationship with self and the relationship with you, Rich, and say, Hey, listen, I'm coming with radical honesty and you may like it or you may not. And it doesn't always make me the most. You two popular kid in the room, Rich. But you know, you can count on me to come to you complete. 

Rich Bennett 12:39
Right. 

Clarissa Burt 12:40
Integrity. We all know what integrity is. Who are you? And nobody's look in who you do. You know when you don't have an accountability partner, who are you? You know, Like who are you really at the core? Who are not only when you're untangling the Christmas lights, but who are you, rich when you don't get your way? 

Rich Bennett 12:59
Oh, wow. Yeah. In all honesty, with me, when I don't get my way now, it's like, okay. 

Clarissa Burt 13:08
Right. But how how was it when you were 25? 33? 

Rich Bennett 13:13
Well, a lot different. 

Clarissa Burt 13:14
Right. Different. A lot different. 

Rich Bennett 13:15
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 13:15
Cause you're wiser now. 

Rich Bennett 13:17
Throw a fit. 

Clarissa Burt 13:19
Who are you? So integrity going back to Integrity Who? To me, integrity is honesty. It's respect. It's loyalty. Right? Loyalty. You have your back behind your back. That's what the definition of loyalty is for me. I've got your back behind your back. 

Rich Bennett 13:37
Hmm. 

Clarissa Burt 13:38
That's right. So when you go back to the value system and you say, okay, honesty, integrity, cool, gratitude, we all know what that is. If you can't give me ten things right now, you need to you need to sit down, make some list because it's a long one. I guarantee you we're going through difficult times economically, socially, politically, the whole shebang. But we are still some of the luckiest people I know on the planet. And I've 

Rich Bennett 14:00
Absolutely. 

Clarissa Burt 14:00
traveled. I have traveled it far and wide, and I can tell you that's the God's honest truth. And the last one is honor. And most times, rich, when you talk about honor, your thing about military, well, it goes longer to honor. You know, it really is like, who are you again? Who are you when nobody else is in the room? And are you willing to take that that extra you know, you hear a lot about the extra mile. So this all goes back to self esteem, by the way. And when you talk about the extra mile, well, the extra mile is going to be the longest. It's going to be the darkest. It's going to be the shadiest. It's going to be full of it's probably going to be full of a tempest. And it's good. They're going to have, you know, wolves behind every tree. But there's a little light at the end of the tunnel way down there, and that's what you're headed for. But that mile is long. And when you turn around, there's nobody there walking with you. 

Rich Bennett 14:48
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 14:50
That is the longest mile of all that last mile going the extra mile. 

Rich Bennett 14:54
Yep. 

Clarissa Burt 14:55
But if you're not willing to do that, then you're not honoring yourself. In my opinion, this is what you know. And I know people. Oh, my God, Clarissa, this is so hard. This is so harsh. This is so right. Black or white. It's so. But I will tell you that when you come to the table with these values and you say, listen, I'll sit at the table, but you got to know I'm taking a high road here. And that is you're going to get honesty, integrity, gratitude and honor. That's what I bring. Every day of the week. All day long. 

Rich Bennett 15:25
And I believe with that, with those four values. 

Something that is missing a lot today, especially with kids with these four values, you're going to have respect for, not just respect from other people, but respect for yourself. And I think that's something that's lacking, is respect for people don't respect themselves, which is why they don't respect others. 

Clarissa Burt 15:48
Well, I think that they're not being taught as much anymore because. 

Rich Bennett 15:51
Well, that's true, too. 

Clarissa Burt 15:53
It has become very loose and you can turn on television and watch any of these channels today. Rich 

Rich Bennett 15:57
There. 

Clarissa Burt 15:57
and I like watching old John Wayne movies. You're not you're not cut out. You're probably not get a whole lot of the old value systems. And what my offer is, is that, again, let's get back to that kitchen table. Let's get back outside. Let's get back on. 

Rich Bennett 16:11
Yes. 

Clarissa Burt 16:12
We went out. I know our kids are sick here. We went out as soon as we got home from school. Our homework was done. We didn't come back in until the lights went on. You know. And seatbelts we didn't have, you know, we drank out of the hose, you know, all that stuff. And I know that our young kids are sick of hearing that, but it really. 

Rich Bennett 16:30
What is true. 

Clarissa Burt 16:31
It is true. It was actually the fortification of our character. Right. Because and of our of our our our physicality as well. You know, we were out there, but we were playing war, you know, bumblebees. 

Rich Bennett 16:43
Huh? 

Clarissa Burt 16:44
Cowboys and Indians. We played war. Hide and seek or softball. 

Rich Bennett 16:48
Zero. Whatever. Yeah, I mean. 

Clarissa Burt 16:50
Right. So, you know, you get the point. You get the point. 

Rich Bennett 16:53
And 

Clarissa Burt 16:53
So. 

Rich Bennett 16:53
the family dinners. Know, I always love that. And you did not get up until everybody was finished. You. 

Clarissa Burt 17:01
Or until everything on your plate was eaten. 

Rich Bennett 17:03
Well, all 

right. 

Clarissa Burt 17:09
It's like you weren't. 

Rich Bennett 17:11
Who don't care of you. If you don't like liver and onions, it doesn't matter. You got it. 

Clarissa Burt 17:17
Now, you know, I hear a lot of stories go, well, you know, Johnny wants a hamburger and Molly wants a hot dog 

Rich Bennett 17:25
All 

Clarissa Burt 17:26
and, you know, Jason wants mac and cheese. And they make five different dinners for five different kids. You know, look, I am not here to judge that as far as from what I'm trying to say. I find it a little curious at times. But, you know, because that wasn't my upbringing. But that doesn't mean it can't be someone else is 

Rich Bennett 17:42
right. 

Clarissa Burt 17:42
what I bring everybody back to is living in happy, healthy self esteem, knowing yourself really, really well. My book, The Self Esteem Regime Regime being an organized way of doing things. So people thought that, you know, regime that's weird, you know, especially when I was living in Europe for 30 years, they were like, regime. Oh, my God, Yeah, regime. 

Rich Bennett 18:03
Think about that. 

Clarissa Burt 18:04
Regime is an organized way of doing things. And so with the book, we have 12 different chapters. Each chapter is its own little microcosm. And it starts out it starts out with release. So you're releasing all the stuff that you were taught, A lot of stuff You were taught what you thought was etched in stone. You know what? Absolutely. You know, you just think that you can't change in your life because it wasn't what you were taught in all of this. We also talk about the generational push, the generational traumas, the generational teachings that came back. Mom and dad, grandparents, great grandparents, and a lot of those things, we're still you know, we're still living the things we're being taught, the things that they were taught. And so 

Rich Bennett 18:45
Right. 

Clarissa Burt 18:46
as things change, we do also have to modify some things. And and I have definitely modified some of the things that I was taught as a kid to I think to my betterment. But, you know, we also have to have a little bit of wiggle room when it comes to, you know, again, some people's noses are going to be out of joint. Don't worry, Mom, I'll still be home for Christmas dinner. But I don't necessarily you know, some of the things I was taught along the way don't serve me now. It doesn't serve my. 

Rich Bennett 19:16
So you said 12 chapters, each chapter a step. So it's 12 steps. 

Clarissa Burt 19:23
So it's real. Like you said in the beginning, the self-esteem regime is a it's a manual. It's a mission and a movement also for me. But it's a it's a, you know, going to read about self-esteem. It's not like a scientific read. You're going to do self-esteem. You're going to sit down, get your hands dirty, get your journal out, You know, really start to figure out like, what? Where are the things in my life that I know I need work on? 

Rich Bennett 19:44
Right. 

Clarissa Burt 19:44
Got a release and releasing is really some of the most difficult work of all. You know, a lot of year things are build and then the second chapter is rebuilt. So you've released a whole bunch of stuff. Now let's start at ground zero. Let's rebuild. What? Build the life. Give me the blueprint of the life you want to live, right? What do you want to. 

Rich Bennett 20:04
Uh huh. 

Clarissa Burt 20:05
Could you give me all the sectors you and your life? Work, relationships. You know, the man you want to be with, your parents, with your all of that, right? You know, sports, your faith or no faith? What kind of. All of that, right? So you just you sort of go back in and you you build, you rebuild what it is you the life that you want to live. The third chapter is responsibility. Where are we? Where are we taking responsibility for our lives? And where are we shirking responsibility? You know what? Where are we keeping our head? In the sand or procrastinating? You know, it's another tale. So each one of these chapters has a case study, affirmations, Clarissa's corner, the daily demons. You know what else we got on? Stephanie Oh, yeah, It's a great book. It really is. It's a good read, I think. And then you stop. I suggest stopping at each chapter and do the little bit of homework. That's it. And there's a review at the 

Rich Bennett 20:59
Right. 

Clarissa Burt 20:59
end. You know, a little bit of, hey, you know what? Let me take a look at what or those parts of my life that I really would like to to be working on. Look, when we were kids, you'll remember that there were three bookstores, Board of Books, Waldenbooks and Barnes and. No. And in the back and in the back there was a little teeny section called self-help. 

Rich Bennett 21:17
Yes. 

Clarissa Burt 21:18
That self-help section. I'm telling you, Rich, there couldn't have been any more than 40. 50 books was not a big deal. But that's where I lived. That's where I got my name. It's where I got support. I got solace. I got information. Education. I got. I also got inside this. You know, I'm not crazy. You know, I got validation from these books. Today, the section is only one bookstore left. It's called Barnes and Noble. And there is a section in there called Personal Development, and it goes on for rows and rows 

Rich Bennett 21:49
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 21:49
and rows and rows and rows and to the point, you know, it's $1,000,000,000 industry. So people are no different now than they were when we were kids or our grandparents or our great great grandparents. People are always searching people for whatever it is, searching for self. For answers, searching for reasons and whatever else. Right. So I think it's really important that I underline underscore the importance of continually want to realizing that we are a work in progress, that we never perfect our self esteem, that, you know, if I get hit with betrayal, a betrayal love dearly didn't see it coming. That could throw me off for the next two years. That could really that's that's some major stuff right there That is for me. Painful. But I also know that I have to continue down the path of understanding and and and accruing more of the tools that I talk about that are in the shed. Because when that when that storm comes through or when you've got your, you know, your hurricane and here it comes and you know all of that as a very strong, I say states standing strong in your stead. And that means, you know, when that storm comes through, maybe I'll lose a leaf or maybe I'll lose a branch. But I'm not going to be uprooted with the storm and transported away. Right. So I know because I've got the tools that I need on any given day that will help lighten the load and help me navigate through that that that nastiness for the moment in the. 

Rich Bennett 23:29
So then what age group would you say this book is for everybody? 

Clarissa Burt 23:34
Here's the deal, because, you know, I mean, self-esteem doesn't discriminate. So I could to a group of 14 year old girls and I have I can talk a 48 year old woman who's just had a mastectomy and lost all her hair. Do you think that's not a self-esteem that I can talk to an 87 year old man because he's, you know, living sort of realizing his mortality and coming up on. 

Rich Bennett 23:57
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 23:57
And so, you know, there's many different ways and things that that self-esteem is and the realm of self esteem and what it is. You know, we can talk about emotional trauma, we can talk about and it really we can talk about the imposter syndrome, right? We can talk. I mean, there's it's just never ending. People think that when you talk about self-esteem. Here's here's another one for you. And I love this I love this analogy to people. Self-esteem. A lot of times, you know, you you go and buy it. You buy a car. You got the Lamborghini, you bought the Bentley, you got the Tiffany jewelry, you went and bought a Gucci, whatever. So you can go and buy self esteem. And a lot of times we're more worried about the Joneses because we've all heard about the Joneses, right? You know, we want to keep up with the Joneses because why? The grass is always greener on the other side. Well, Rich, I want to say about that. The grass is always greener where you water it. 

Rich Bennett 24:57
Oh, Dale. 

Clarissa Burt 25:01
Or. 

Rich Bennett 25:01
I like that. 

Clarissa Burt 25:03
Here's the. 

Rich Bennett 25:04
Never heard it put that way. 

Clarissa Burt 25:05
Here's another one I like kind of along the same line. Is it really grass rich or is it Astroturf? 

Is it real or is it plastic? Is it truth or is it perception? Is it the way we perceive, especially social? Go to social media. Here's a guy with three, you know, Lamborghinis parked out front. Happy for him. If he's that successful, I'm truly happy for him. But if he when he rented the villa for the day and he rented the three cars for the day just for the photo shoot, it's a lot of fun. But he wants you to perceive that that's his reality. 

Rich Bennett 25:44
Uh huh. 

Clarissa Burt 25:46
And so this is also what our kids are doing all the time. We have our kids who have our girls, young girls. We're putting on these beauty filters all the time, Rich. They're coming out six, seven, eight year old girls, and they want to look really, you know, beautiful and glamorous and sexy. And so what the message is there that I the way I am isn't good enough. I just the way I am. I'm not I'm not pretty enough. I need help. I need enhancement. Right. So it's again, it's perception. It's the perception that we must all be really, really careful about. It's I think we need to get a lot we really need to get back to what is. And I really think we're going to work. We're going to get to a point where it's just going to start to, I think, become almost unsustainable. The the amount of fake and unreal that we're we're you know, we're just going to go off, we're done. You know, it's kind of like. 

Rich Bennett 26:40
Right. 

Clarissa Burt 26:41
Backlash now on the Kardashians. Everybody's like, we're so over that. We're so over that kind of money. We're so over that kind of opulence. We're we're over it. Everybody's sort of coming back to a little bit more of those grassroots. So let's see what happens with that. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 26:56
What actually inspired you to write the book? 

Clarissa Burt 26:59
My mother, I think, was really, I'm a grandmother, you know, as I was. I don't have the pictures with me. I normally do. But my most beautiful woman and she what she. So she still is a beautiful woman, but she's 84. But she was a beautiful woman. And she, you know, don't take my picture. I don't take my picture. I come out horrible in pictures. My mother was a beautiful woman. I mean, I'm not going to lie. She's really, really pretty lady. My grandmother, who again, lovely, beautiful, beautiful woman, once to lose weight, needed to lose weight, couldn't stand her weight. She was as thin as a rail. Takes two diet pills one day, chokes on them, perforated her esophagus and winds up in the hospital for six weeks. 

Rich Bennett 27:39
Oh, my God. 

Clarissa Burt 27:40
I'm looking at these women in my life as a young girl, and I'm thinking to myself, What is this that they don't see? Why is my perception of them that they are absolutely goddesses? And they do this to themselves. So. I you know, as I was going on, there were some girls in high school that I looked at. I mean, why would you do that to yourself? Like, why would you treat yourself that way? Why did you accept that being treated by a guy like that? Why would you do drugs? Why are you drinking yourself into smithereens like all this stuff? Right now, I understand 

Rich Bennett 28:10
Right. 

Clarissa Burt 28:10
a lot. A lot of this is part of growing up. It wasn't my way of growing up, but it was a part of growing up for a lot of others. I went and babysat. I wanted to make money, but, you know, I saw this as a kid, right? And I that's interesting. Then I moved on and I became a model and I was working with the 1% of the models all over the world. The 1%, I mean, you name them, they were the 1%. Some of the most beautiful women on the face of the earth, and they're on all the magazine covers. They're all the, you know, the runway, the runways around the world. And I was right there with them. And a lot of the girls there as well. I noticed that you could be as beautiful as pretty as you can be, but if what's between your ears or your brain or your mind is. Yeah, is is, is is that your perception of self? Is that you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough. They told you, you learned from the, you know, the tribe, your natal tribe, you know, all the stuff that, that natal tribes can do. You going to take that out into the world with you? So I thought, well, wait a minute now, where's the correlation between my mother and grandmother and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and the girls on the Valentino runway in Rome, like, you know. 

Rich Bennett 29:17
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 29:18
And of course, you know, the correlation was there was there was, you know, lack of happy, healthy self-esteem. And again, you know, I it's a clarion call to all. And that means we always are working on ourselves. There's going to be a day there's going to be a moment. There's going to be a phone call, there's going to be something we see is going to be triggers. All the time. All the time. And I will say I will thank also age. I think, again, as we said before, has really softened our perception on things and what is and what really is an important. But I also think that, you know, we we definitely need to be keeping I have self esteem sorry, personal development books galore. And I make sure that I you know, I read them might only be a chapter a day but you know, if it's not that it's a motivational book right now, what I got in front of me, I got Dr. Wayne Dyer staying the path, you know, and every. Every day. I'll just read, you know, something in here and just go, Oh, yeah, here's one. You can't be authentic unless you're following your bliss. Okay. You know, and I'll go in here and I'll just read some stuff and, you know, you're constantly feeding. It's like anything else. Anything. Rose. Anything of it grows. It needs you know, it needs water and it needs sunshine. And it needs that constantly. You know, give it sunshine. Want some water? Wants to go, you know, see in a week. Right. It needs it. And so and so do we. We need that same kind of of, you know, the happy, healthy input every day because there's so much there's so much that isn't, you know, so much we're ingesting in our in our head right now that's really not happy and healthy. We need to count our. 

Rich Bennett 30:58
Right. 

Clarissa Burt 30:59
Counteract that. 

Rich Bennett 31:00
I just came up with a crazy idea. And of course, we know it won't happen. 

Clarissa Burt 31:06
Front row. 

Rich Bennett 31:07
I because I remember when I was 13. The first book I read that was not that I was not told to read, you know, in school I grabbed Dale Carnegie's, you know. 

Cheese. It went right out of my head 

Clarissa Burt 31:25
No. 

Rich Bennett 31:25
that quick. How to win friends and influence people. I read that at 13. I think that's something that's missing from schools. I think that some of these self-help books like yours. Should be something that is required. 

Clarissa Burt 31:41
Absolutely. I think there should be courses. You know, nobody teaches you. 

Rich Bennett 31:45
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 31:46
Don't teach about finance, don't teach about money. I never learned anything in school 

Rich Bennett 31:49
They 

Clarissa Burt 31:49
about 

Rich Bennett 31:49
don't teach 

Clarissa Burt 31:49
that. 

Rich Bennett 31:49
common sense at all. 

Clarissa Burt 31:52
But they didn't teach anything about relationship leadership. There was none of that in high school. I don't know today. I mean, I was I remember in Jersey, I graduated in 77, and in 77 there was a little room, a real little room right across from my locker. And I look in it every day. I figure, what are these weird looking plastic white boxes? The very first computers were coming out. 

Rich Bennett 32:16
Oh, 

Clarissa Burt 32:17
The very first computers were coming out. So they were coming in as I was graduating high school. Of course. Then I went on to do million other things. I didn't see my first computer until I was in my thirties. I mean, I bought one. 

Rich Bennett 32:28
yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 32:29
I mean, I must have been 35, 36, I think, before I got my first computer. So there was a lot. Yeah. Yeah. That's how you know. And now, you know, we've got these, these games that you're handed to kids that year or two year old, you know, and they're playing the games right on your cell phone. They're, you know, doing the whole, you know, Peppa Pig thing or whatever they do. 

Rich Bennett 32:48
What? The thing today. They know how many even use their cell phone to call somebody. 

Clarissa Burt 32:58
I think the real conundrum is they never they don't use a cell phone. Definitely the answer when mom and dad calls. 

Rich Bennett 33:03
Well, that is true. That is very true. One of the one of the things that I love about your book and your book, correct me if I'm wrong, came out 2021. 

Clarissa Burt 33:13
Yeah, it's out too. And it's been in the Barnes and Noble stores for two and a half years. 

Rich Bennett 33:18
And it's also in audio form, isn't it? 

Clarissa Burt 33:21
It's in audio and audible and we've got it on Kindle, on Amazon, and it's on Barnes and Noble as well, you know website and in the stores which is really cool. I mean the book that you know for it to be there for two and a half years. I will tell you it's a minimal brag but it's also it's really it's a crowning moment because the real estate in those stores is gold x gold. And so for the book to still be there after all this time, it doesn't mean it means that. Again, back to my point. We are constantly looking, searching, needing, support, guidance, affirmation, the reason why a way out, you know, just that source information that is vital. It's vital to to all of us as human beings for sure. 

Rich Bennett 34:07
What legacy do you wish to leave through your work, especially from the book? 

Clarissa Burt 34:11
Yeah, I'd love everybody to understand that, You know, I don't have any real I mean, I don't have any oreate. I didn't go to college. I didn't 

I don't have, you know, is hanging on the wall and I don't have a psychology or a psychiatry degree. That's not what my book is about. My book is about what I learned along the way and what I really would like to pass on. And what I really want to do is to see, or I really would love to see, people stop suffering. That's what I would like. And a lot of the times we get in our own way. Rich, it's, you know, we we get in our own way and things we make things much more difficult than they really need be. And a lot of times picking up a book and today you don't even have to pick up the book. You go, you know, there are meetup groups, there are 

documentaries, there are all kinds of information on the on the web that you can go and get. 

Kinds of different information up there with the click of a button and you can learn as much as you want to learn at your pace. And so when I was a kid, as I told you before, that wasn't the case. We had that little section in the back of the stores. 

Rich Bennett 35:23
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 35:24
Really go find If you wanted to get better, you had to go search it out. Today it's like click, click, click. Oh, I read this, you know, and it's. 

Rich Bennett 35:34
Yes. 

Clarissa Burt 35:34
I just happen to also. I love listening to books and I love having a book in hand. I haven't gotten to the iPad book yet, you know, the Kindle vignette, but. 

Rich Bennett 35:43
I try to. Can't do it. 

Clarissa Burt 35:45
Can't do it. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 35:46
Now I like the physical, And this is something I've noticed of kids. Kids? Well, at least my daughter's. She's 22. But even from when she was in middle school and up, they love the physical book. They love to turn the pages and they don't get rid of them. He will not get rid of the books if it's a good book. You're going to fight tooth and nail to try to get it from him. Get rid of it. 

Clarissa Burt 36:12
That's awesome. 

Rich Bennett 36:12
You know, they now they do need to read more self-help books, without a doubt. 

Clarissa Burt 36:17
Yeah, I. Yeah. Yeah, they do. I think it's just not. I think that I understood. I understood the importance of really searching. 

Rich Bennett 36:30
Mm hmm. 

Clarissa Burt 36:31
When I had my first depression, I had my first depression at 25 years old, and I thought the world had come to an end. I didn't think there was a way out of that. And it was a brutal depression. It was. It was it was depression with anxiety. And it was you know, I couldn't even look at the front door, let alone go out walk out the front door. And I was a kid and I didn't know what was happening to me. I had no I was living in the. 

Rich Bennett 36:49
Scary. 

Clarissa Burt 36:51
I was living in New York City. I mean, I was modeling. I was having a great time. And I'll tell you something, the human psyche, your brain, if you if you know, will it will shut you down. I wasn't. 

Rich Bennett 37:05
Very quickly. 

Clarissa Burt 37:06
There were no drugs and alcohol. I didn't as I said before, I didn't do any of that. It was just life and it shut me down. And that's when I said, you know, that whole rebuild part or the release part that I had to release a bunch of stuff and then I had to rebuild. So that's kind of my book is about the steps that I went through. You know, the last chapter is reciprocity, and that is the give and take, the yin and yang in life. And it was a hard one for me to learn because I was kind of was in indoctrination for in my as a kid to give, give, give, do do do give, give, give. I was also broken a little bit in the Catholic Church. And so, you know, you're you know, you always thought yourself last and all of those sorts of things and I just had to rewire I had to rewire rework and repair it myself. 

Rich Bennett 37:59
Oh, I like it. Put that way. Repair yourself. 

Clarissa Burt 38:03
You have to. Yeah. You. You. You forgive your parents because it's all good. They 

Rich Bennett 38:08
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 38:08
did what they. They knew what they knew. They are who they are. And it's not about bashing them. That's not why we're here. 

Rich Bennett 38:14
Right. 

Clarissa Burt 38:14
We are here to do is to be the better person. I want to be a better person tomorrow than I am today. Therefore, I will do everything in my power to make sure that happens. Do I hit the mark every time I'm human? So no. But I really do try to make sure that every time something goes a little sideways, I go up. Hold on. Back off. Rethink. You know, it's so it's called mindfulness, right? I'm a little more mindful now of. 

Rich Bennett 38:39
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 38:40
My thought processes. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 38:42
So all of you listening, make sure. Well first of all got the website Clarissa Bert. Dot com right. 

Clarissa Burt 38:51
Yes. Yes. 

Rich Bennett 38:52
Go there, purchase the book. After you purchase the book and read it, make sure you leave a full review. Definitely leave it full review. I tell you guys all the time, leave it for you because it's just going to help her sell more, more books. It's also in paperback form, Kindle audiobook and still on CD. 

Aureus or is that not? That is. 

Clarissa Burt 39:20
What? 

Rich Bennett 39:21
Yeah, you can get it on audio CD on CD. 

Clarissa Burt 39:24
You can, you know, get. 

Rich Bennett 39:26
Yes. On Amazon. 

Clarissa Burt 39:30
Reporter Well, okay. 

Rich Bennett 39:32
Yes. 

Clarissa Burt 39:32
There. 

Rich Bennett 39:33
Some some cars still have CD players. 

Clarissa Burt 39:35
Oh, my God. I remember my 

Rich Bennett 39:37
May 

Clarissa Burt 39:37
father. 

Rich Bennett 39:37
not have eight track players minds. 

Clarissa Burt 39:41
I remember my first eight track and I was in high school was like the last two years of high school and all I had to like. But the one I played was, Oh God, what was it? Not the James Gang. And I loved the. 

Rich Bennett 39:53
Oh. 

Clarissa Burt 39:54
Love the James Gang. It was freeze frame. Who did freeze frame? J. Geils. 

Rich Bennett 40:00
J. Geils Band. 

Clarissa Burt 40:01
I'll bet. 

Rich Bennett 40:02
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 40:03
And so I had Jake guys like on the on the repeat, you know, I had like five different tracks came in, left. They were only around for three years. But yeah, I had all that stuff I logic. 

Rich Bennett 40:16
I was a big fan of James going to James gang, right? One of my favorite albums. 

Clarissa Burt 40:21
Oh, my 

Rich Bennett 40:21
Love. 

Clarissa Burt 40:21
God. 

Rich Bennett 40:22
Look. 

Clarissa Burt 40:23
Dead on arrival. Dead on a. 

Rich Bennett 40:26
For those of you listed, if you never heard of the James Gang. Check them out. Joe. What? 

Clarissa Burt 40:32
Really, Joe? What? 

Rich Bennett 40:34
Was it the James guy who's. 

Yeah. So. Yeah. Out. 

Clarissa Burt 40:39
I wanted to marry. I was met. Harvest. Neil Young. We want to talk. 

Rich Bennett 40:44
Oh. Oh, I can sit here. I know I can see or talk music with you all day long. 

Clarissa Burt 40:51
Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. But Neil Young's harvest really was. 

Rich Bennett 40:56
Oh. 

Clarissa Burt 40:56
It was the it was the bastion of my of my teenage years. It was amazing. Amazing that music isn't there today that could ever touch our music 

Rich Bennett 41:09
No. 

Clarissa Burt 41:09
or. Oh, hell no. 

Rich Bennett 41:11
Absolutely not. So what do you think? I do want to touch on your podcast. 

Clarissa Burt 41:18
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 41:19
Three 

Clarissa Burt 41:20
I am a podcaster. I had for life reasons the last couple of years. I had to sort of back off. I've got a media group. So that's television, you know, Roku, Amazon Fire to Apple TV, all that. A podcast on 15 different podcast platforms and a digital magazine. I went through some. My brother was in a very bad car accident. I lost my entire Google drive. I had COVID that I had to be at a hospital twice and almost killed me. I 

Rich Bennett 41:46
or. 

Clarissa Burt 41:46
yeah, there was the last two years I was able to get to Italy, dropped the book in Italy, but I got the flu. When I was in Italy, I got the flu. When I came back, I had two oral surgeries. This is just in the last few years and I had a sorry for too much information, but five months ago I had a hysterectomy, which that worked. They took out an £8 tumor, 90. 

Rich Bennett 42:07
Whoa. 

Clarissa Burt 42:09
Thank God you not noncancerous, but they took out an £8 or so the last two years which has been more about Patrick playing catch up because. 

Rich Bennett 42:17
Right. 

Clarissa Burt 42:18
And farther and farther behind. I took care of my mom for like ten months after her car accident. It was pretty brutal. 

Rich Bennett 42:22
Why? 

Clarissa Burt 42:23
And your mom really was in a bad way, but she's fine now. All is well. And so now, funnily enough, I drop my first magazine again tomorrow. So June one we have in the limelight with Clarissa Digital magazine drops June 1st and then I just started already this week with the interviews for my new show, which is called Shelf Mates. 

Rich Bennett 42:44
Oh. 

Clarissa Burt 42:45
The titans of the personal development industry where I. You? Mm hmm. Yep. 

Rich Bennett 42:52
Oh, this is going to be good. 

Clarissa Burt 42:54
We're going to be good. So I'm interviewing those because it's funny, if you look at the shelf that I'm on and Barnes and Noble, you may know some of these names. It goes Tabitha Brown, Brené Brown, she's one of Oprah's inner circle cleric or Dr. Deepak Chopra and then Dr. Joe Dispenser. These are titans of the personal development industry. And so what my goal is now is to to interview as many of the people that are on the shelves, in the stores, in the personal development, a section. 

Rich Bennett 43:24
Oh. Of that. 

Clarissa Burt 43:26
Great. I love it, too. I'm getting very excited about that. And so, yeah, the show is going to be back up and running. The magazine is dropping now. The book is still working out, and I'm starting now with courses and classes because I'm being asked all the time, you know, to either speak or they've got me now coming to a recovery center in July. Ever. 

Rich Bennett 43:43
Really? 

Clarissa Burt 43:44
I'll be I'll be talking to Recovery Center addiction recovery or men and you probably I don't know if you have a cover of my cover of my book, but just real quick before I have to go, because I do have another call in a minute and that is my book on the front is there are three triangles or triangles, and they're blue, but they used to be in the beginning there were pink, yellow and orange. And I asked the publisher in New York City specifically, Would you please do me just one favor, just change the color of that book so that men will pick it up. And so, yeah, when I went to Italy and I went because I told you it doesn't discriminate self esteem. Men are men. You need this work just as much as any. 

Rich Bennett 44:21
Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 44:22
So to. 

Rich Bennett 44:24
Wow. 

Clarissa Burt 44:24
Yeah, really cool stuff. I mean, I'm having a ball with all of this and, and it's it's just it's, it's very satisfying, satisfying, you know, it's really it gives me a lot of satisfaction, the work, but. 

Rich Bennett 44:36
I cannot wait for that. 

Clarissa Burt 44:38
Yeah, they changed the book. They changed the cover to three. It's like three blue triangles. I usually have it in front of me. I'm sorry I came up. 

Rich Bennett 44:44
I'm looking at it. Yeah. 

Clarissa Burt 44:45
Yeah, but yeah, there you go. That's the end. 

Rich Bennett 44:49
So old. CNN You just gave me another idea. So those of you listening and especially those of you I've talked to in the recovery world. This should be a good book for you to get and put into the homes and into the centers. So those of you that you know who you are, actually addiction, rage against addiction. I mean, all of you pick this book off. Without a doubt. 

Clarissa Burt 45:12
Thanks for. I really appreciate our time together. 

Rich Bennett 45:16
Clarissa, is there anything you'd like to add before I let you go? 

Clarissa Burt 45:21
I know. I'd like to say something along the lines of You're only as beautiful as your last good deed, so do something good for somebody today. You know, we got a lot of people running around thinking that they're all that. But what's really all about are the people that are much like yourself, the people that live in service, the people that have given back, the people that are think of others, not always thinking about themselves. That's kind of one of the things I like is, you know, obviously I don't have any I don't have money to get. Well, it's not about money. It's about smile a compliment. It's about holding the door open. It's about helping a lady down the stairs with a baby carriage. It's all the little things. It's a lot of the kindness thing that we, you know, the regular manners that we were brought up with way back in the day that we kind of need to bring back to the fore. So all of us that still remember how. Let's continue that and pass that on. 

Rich Bennett 46:04
Clarissa, thank you so much. It's been a true honor and I cannot. I've got I got to get this book and give. 

Clarissa Burt 46:13
Yeah, that'd be great for her. Absolutely. 

Rich Bennett 46:15
Oh, definitely. 

Will do. 

Clarissa Burt 46:18
All 

Rich Bennett 46:18
Thanks 

Clarissa Burt 46:18
right. 

Rich Bennett 46:18
a lot. 

Clarissa Burt 46:19
Thank you two so much.