Empowering Recovery: Nevriye Yesil's Crusade Against Teen Addiction

Rich Bennett 0:00
Thanks for joining the conversation. I'm joined by my lovely co-host, Wendy Beck of Rage Against Addiction. And today we are joined by Never Yell Yes or Never is an esteemed forensic psychologist from the University of North Dakota, as has dedicated her life to assisting those grappling with addiction. Now, a global coach and mentor. And we'll find out more about that. She aids mothers and teens, equipping them with tools to tackle challenges like trauma and stress. Now, we have recently authored her third book, Mom Helped Me A Roadmap to Guiding Your Teen Away from Substance Use and Addiction, emphasizing evidence-backed strategies for addiction intervention. Join us as we discuss teens and substance use with this impactful figure in the field. How are you doing? 

Nevriye Yesil 0:52
Hi, how are you? Hi. How are you, Rachel? Wendy, thank you so much for having me and for giving me the opportunity to spread my message because I know they are moms and parents who need to hear the things that we will be sharing today. And yeah, thank you. And I cannot wait to dig deeper into this conversation. And I am very passionate in this field trying to save as many lives as I can. And I often get get the question, have you ever been addicted to drugs? No. Are your your chil children addicted to drugs? No. But I have seen moms and parents struggle and they are their kids and I'm here to prevent other moms from suffering and giving as much valuable information as possible to your listeners. 

Wendy Beck 1:39
Well. Well, there is a lot of value in that. I can speak from my own experience, and I have never been addicted to drugs. So when my teen became addicted, I was clueless. Like, I truly had no idea what was going on. And this was back back in 2012. So in 2012, you know, I'm just living the life of a mom. I had, you know, 

started to realize that there was a problem, but I didn't know what the problem was. So I feel like that's a good place for us to start with you, because. Exactly. And I find it interesting also not trying to monopolize the conversation, but this is this is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart because I have experienced this personally. And when Rich says the name of your book, which is Mom, help me, that's usually not coming from the teen. That's usually not something the teen is saying. Mom, help me. Like right off the bat, it's usually the mom going, somebody help me because I don't know what to get what to do. So I guess I want to know your strategy behind that and like where that originated. 

Nevriye Yesil 2:56
I mean, when when teens drift into drug addiction or start exploring, they think, you know, they're invincible and things get out of hand so fast, it does not take more than a couple of times to really primed your brain to addiction. Like the massive amounts of dopamine release will make sure that they do it again, right? They will like it, they will love it, and then they cannot help but do it again. So and then when things get out of hand, you know, they are too scared. They do actually. I truly believe they actually do want help. They want to get out of it. But they are scared to share and they see no way out. And also, just like you said, mom helped me also. I want it mom to see I want to be your voice. You want to help your child. You want to know the strategies, not just how to intervene when things happen. Half of my book, Wendy, is on how to prevent it in the first place. Okay. So my main goal is to prevent and raise children in a drug filled world. I mean, we do live in a drug filled world. It's like in our school backyards. It's everywhere. We all know somebody that is struggling with an addiction. So, yeah, I want to speak to teens. And, you know, when there is a problem, reach out as soon as possible. And for moms and to moms who want to learn ways to to prevent and intervene. 

Rich Bennett 4:26
Get actually, could you share maybe like one or two strategies that have proven most effective in preventing substance use in teens? 

Yeah. 

Nevriye Yesil 4:38
I'm sorry. Yes. Yes. I mean, you know, we as parents are only one piece of the puzzle, right? I mean, they are they are schools, they are friends, is the community. And they are they are deans and they are like there's are so many different pieces of puzzle here that is really determining the trajectory of the child. Right. Their own temperament and everything. We are only one piece of the puzzle that we have total control over. So how we raise and how we model, how the kind of example we put on the table, like are we the role model that our children deserve? Are we really teaching them the value of a positive friendship or a negative friendship? Like, okay, positive friendships are, you know, supportive. They don't want to do bad things and and stuff like that and negative friendship. They want to, you know, they put you down and they want you to fit in by doing this kind of stuff. So really doing anything that you can to empower the child. So the child has the ability to say no and has enough knowledge. Kind of like dual role playing, for example, all these little strategies help role play. What would you do if this would happen? If somebody, let's say, offers you a piece of drug? It's, you know, it smells good. It you know, it looks scared. It looks it's kind of like looks like a gummy MIA. What will you do? And how it affects the brain and everything. They do feel empowered. Like our imagination and rage is for the brain as if it's happening in real life. So it primes the brain for the real action. We have to prepare these kids for the worst case, right? We have to educate them how it affects chemically changes their brain structure. It literally reduces their IQ even if they stop later in life. 

Rich Bennett 6:30
Right. 

Nevriye Yesil 6:31
If you shared these kind of news, they don't want to they don't you know, they will think twice when they want to do it. Show them images. Just Google. How does a person look like when they take meth, for example? They're like 20 years older than than they are date. You know, teens are very cautious about their appearance. Nobody wants to look like that, but nobody thinks, you know, the path down the road, what happens to their body, to their look and and their. 

Wendy Beck 7:04
Whole. 

Nevriye Yesil 7:04
Life at once. They continue using it or even try using it, you know, using it. I think you need to empower the kids when they are still in school. And I can't emphasize this enough. We have to put it in our school curriculum, the mindset, how to, you know, cultivate positive mindset, how to deal with adversity, stress, anxiety. These things will come up. We have to empower children. So when things don't happen the way they want to, they don't try to chemically. You know, cover up the problem, use it as a Band-Aid, kind of like numb themselves, try to forget the reality. Well, guess what? You numb yourself. You run away from the problem. The problem will not go away. It will get bigger. Yeah, I'm all about, you know, raising two children, all empowered. But we have to start in the schools. We have absolutely no education in schools when it comes to the mindset, when when it comes to empowering these kids. How do you deal with stress? How do you study? Right. Like we have to give them the tools they need so they will not need drugs to feel better, right? Not you know, we have I'm all for prevention. And then. 

Wendy Beck 8:17
You know, this is very forward thinking honestly, because we don't we don't do this in our society today. I mean, maybe maybe it's just in the United States. Maybe things are different in other countries with this whole 

theory of of of how to cope. Because right now I don't I feel like if we don't capture them before they're eight, we've lost them because there is so much outside influence, so much more than just what the parents can even navigate with when once you hand them the phone or you put them in front of the computer, you have lost a huge part of their attention as a as. 

Nevriye Yesil 9:03
A a whole world out there. Yeah, there's a whole world out there. But if we join forces, right, let's say the churches or the schools. Now, you as being just one of the puzzle now you have two or three different kinds of puzzles. Like it's a network, right? We have to kind of like in a bigger community, really talk about this and not put shame and guilt on these parents who do struggle. Because unfortunately, there's a lot of stigmatization that is associated with drug use and parents don't reach out or are scared. You know, they are really judged and stigmatized because of their children, you know, struggling with it. It is it is absolutely can happen to anybody. It it knows no social status. It knows no religion. It does not care how much money you have in your bank account, what your education is. Your child can still get hooked. 

Wendy Beck 9:53
Yes, absolutely. I mean, I was from a very typical family like, you know, we didn't have anything going on. She was the oldest child. So she didn't have older siblings that were influencing her. So it it basically came down to a choice and it was impulse control or her lack of control at the time and because of her genetics. And and I'm I'm going to say this like her dad struggled with alcohol and I used to use drugs as a teen. I felt like she had the you know, it was it was the perfect storm. So here we go. She you know, she takes this step into this direction. And because she had she was an instant addict. I'm not going to lie like I have no list. It was it was 0 to 60 from that moment. And that's why for me personally, I had no idea it was going on. It wasn't a gradual progression. It it was it was literally all it was all at once. And so when you have no idea and you're also trying to, like, navigate your teenager because they're really creatures that, you know, they become these creatures that we do not know and they have the secret world and they have the Internet and they have all of this stuff. You what do you say to parents? Like what are the the warning signs? Like, what do you do? Like, what's your first? You know what? 

Nevriye Yesil 11:23
I have a whole chapter on it. 

I have a whole chapter on how to find out early. Right. So I found that many parents are a little bit slow in finding out because they don't pick up on these warning signs or or and sometimes they're in denial. Like they know they're they're sensing there's something wrong, but then they think it is this is normal. They grow out of it. It's just teen years, you know, everybody I used to act out like that and then they justify that. And it's a. 

Wendy Beck 11:52
Rite of passage there. Everybody is going to drink. Everyone's going to try to smoke weed or whatever, like. 

Nevriye Yesil 11:59
I used to do it. And I will grow out of just Yeah, I know, I know. And then and then. But here's the thing by but by reacting slow, we lose valuable time that we cannot afford to lose. So the whole my whole chapter is on how to pick up on these warning signs, behaviors on their behavior. Warning signs like what? Like watch their behavior. Like, watch your grades and the circle of friends that they're hanging out with. Oh, you can keep an eye on their social media or they become, you know, secretive. And you may, you know, again, think that it's normal. You know, they have they will have secrets here and there. But, you know, we have to be a step ahead of them. Mm hmm. What you do in their laundry, look at their, you know, in you know, if you notice, there's something odd. If you see burn marks on their clothes, holes on their clothes, you know, sometimes drugs cause a really intense itching. It relieves really leaves holes on the sleeves and. And burn marks on carpets. Mean, you know, you look for things, household items that are placed in awkward places like their pockets or the car or under the mattress. These can be aluminium foils to a lot like nurse like well what they need that many and and it just does not make sense to you. You would think that why what is just the one in his or her pocket like. Mm hmm. Or little little sign that you can pick up do so-called drug paraphernalia. These are the tools like every drug consumption has. Utans feel that they need to capitulate or to consume it. Right. And they leave it around like you have to look for these little warning signs. So at all visible signs on, on, on their body, all wearing long sleeved shirts on a hot day does not make sense. Are they trying to, you know, hide needle marks on their arm? Are they preventing eye contact so you don't see it, see their pupils? Are they really breaking out? You know, teen teens break out. You know, they are known for, you know, hormonal changes and they do break out and and and some drugs really, really cause intense break out. And we can sometimes even confuse it with regular hormonal changes in teens. So these are all all signs that you really need to keep an eye on. So behavioral signs, physical signs look for their regular everyday life. Has it changed? In what direction did it change? So. So I can only encourage em. If you don't mind, I'm giving up my book for free. It's at Mom. Help me a com mom. Help me book. Get a free copy. I'm sure it can. It it. It will be valuable tool in in prevention and intervention and it is in way more detailed and listed what to look out for and once you find out what are you going to do afterwards, what are the action steps afterward? How do you confront your child that you do now? Right. And you want to do it right? And I found that many parents really do fail in their in their strategies and in well, trying to help get me. 

Wendy Beck 15:26
In in my personal experience, you know, I had no I had no knowledge of addiction, You know, I mean, I knew that people were alcoholics. I knew that there were there were people who used drugs. And at the time, you know, I that were just drug addicts, like I, I have a totally different perspective on that now. Five years in caring for and housing women who are precious to me. But, you know, when they were my daughter, 

I'm not going to lie. I got angry. I was angry because I felt like I mean, I was like reading books about how not to be angry, like, you know, because I, I just was I was so consumed by the fact that she should just be able to stop. And so not having the education to support that, to support her, I felt like created a lot of problems. You know what I mean? Because here I am yelling and screaming, you know, like I'm I'm I'm policing her. I'm micromanaging her, you know, to the point where we got and my story is is very long. And it's it's it's very complicated. And, you know, 

I went through everything. We didn't have graduation. We had drug court, we didn't have prom. We had jail. We you know, it's like literally, like was a road that I never saw coming. Like, I mean, she was she was a good kid. She was. That's why I said when she became when she was an instant addict. Here's my question for you when it gets to that point, because now prevention is not an option, what do we do? What do we do that we can do differently than what I did? Now, what I've learned today is definitely different. And, you know, it's not self-love. Love we're doing. We're meeting them where they're at. There's so many different things. There's harm reduction. I mean, the scope of of how we've evolved over the past ten years from when I first was introduced to this in my life. But I guess my question, you know, if we get to a point where we're beyond prevention, what do we now know? Yeah, the. 

Nevriye Yesil 17:49
Problem you know, it is a problem. What now? Right. And I was just highlighting the importance of how to confront them and in a proper manner. So yelling, screaming doesn't work. 

Wendy Beck 18:01
I know. 

Nevriye Yesil 18:01
And one of the strategies why they feel like meddlesome real quick, you know, punishment never works. You know, people use drugs to fulfill a certain need and we need to find out the root cause of the problem. Why? Like, what are they trying to run away from? What needs what needs? Are they trying to meet everybody who's using drugs is trying to fulfill a certain need? What is that need? Is that curiosity? Is that to fit in? Is that to because they had some traumatic experience they cannot share with you Like what is it? What is the reason we need to find out the reason and help them meet those needs in a proper way. And of course, when there is a full fledged addiction, there's there's really nothing that you can do on your own. You need help. You need help of professionals and and and rehab and yeah, we need to we need to confront them and in a way that is not scaring them. 

Rich Bennett 19:03
Right. 

Nevriye Yesil 19:04
Work on your relationship with your child. If you don't have a positive relationship with your child, that is important for prevention and intervention. If your relationship with your child is sour, guess what? So when something happens, they're not going to share it with you and you're going to hear about it. So you want your child not to be scared of you and share with you anything good and bad, right? If something is bothering them and or they want to, whatever it is that you want to be the first one, because you have their best interests in mind and they may reach out to friends who may not have their best interests in mind and may suggest something. So we need to find out the root cause, confront them in a proper manner, not scare them. Because he is the thing when when, when, when they are scared, When they are scared, you cannot talk sense into them, like right in frontal cortex shuts down like this, thinking literally, that's how we are made biologically. That's how we are wired to feel before we can think, we need to feel safe and understood before we open up our minds and ready to receive. So you can say whatever you want. If you if they are scared and not receptive, you're not going to go through with them, calm them down and really understand them. Go down to their level. I know how you feel. I totally understand. I can't. I know things be tough for you lately. Relate. So calm down relate to their problem and then you talk. Since I'm here, I'm your mom. This is unacceptable. You're going to go find help and you're going to go to this that whatever the strategy is. So every parent is different, Every relationship is different, every teen is different. There's really not one recipe that will solve every problem, right? That's why we have these. That's why I do. Not many of them because of time restraints. Just one on ones. Just one. What is it? What is that? That's. Find out what your top needs. But let's find out the circumstances. Let's. Let's build back your relationship. That may not be in alignment. Let's. Let's just. Let's join forces here and see how we can got your teen away. So this is this is not just one person at work when there is a full fledged addiction unit, all the support you need and. 

Wendy Beck 21:24
Ideally. 

Nevriye Yesil 21:25
Ideally, you need mentors, educated coaches and mentors that can guide you, that can sometimes your relationship, let's say your relationship is not good. What are you going to do? Like you're the only mom, but maybe they're your. And there is this. There's somebody that knows that has a really positive relationship with your child, that can be a positive role model and hold hands along the way. So also, even recovery is a lifelong journey never ends. It absolutely never ends. If your child started, let's say, drugs at 15 and this is clean, let's say with 20, it's not going to stop when it's when she's or he is 25 or 30. It is a lifelong journey because there's a long term memory. And the brain will remember is remembering all the places and and people and the things that are associated with drugs. And every time he or she is exposed to these things, it will create trigger those intense cravings that they may not be able to resist. So there's always going to be I am in recovery and it's always going to be, you know, is keeping on the line that, you know, on the recovery path forever. And you as a parent, you can do a lot of things to, you know, support them with the best tools and strategies available to you. Remove everything that that it reminds them of drugs. Ideally, if you have the resources, move away to a new place because new places don't have the people that they use drugs is not you know, has not the community or not the street, not the room, anything. There's literally no clues around. And if there's any way possible, I always recommend this go away. Go somewhere, a different state, a different town, neighborhood, whatever it is, start from scratch. That will also trigger a fresh start and not keep them trapped in their old way of living. 

Rich Bennett 23:32
Right. So something you mentioned earlier, and I'm probably going to get some people upset with me about this, but this is just what I've seen throughout the years because you mentioned schools and talking about it at home. And I remember back I guess was the eighties you had I think it was Nancy Reagan started to say no to drugs and we talked about it. You talked about it in school. You talked about it at home. But lately it seems like, you know, here we are, we move forward. It seems like we're you know, we're battling an addiction. We get better. And then all of a sudden the government does something which actually makes it even worse. So like right now, you know, with the increasing legalization of substances like marijuana, how can parents approach conversations with their teens about this? 

Nevriye Yesil 24:29
I know it's it is a disaster. Or like, you know, everybody should make informed decisions. Like we have to tell them, you know, they legal does not mean harmless. Alcohol is legal. You know, you can drink when you're 21 on what it took thousands of people every year. Cigarettes, nicotine kills thousands due to lung cancer every year. Legal does not mean it is it is harmless that it's okay just because they are like medical marijuana does not mean it is medicine. You know, there's so many misconceptions. And I'm I'm glad that you mentioned schools and education on drugs is because again, I feel like we have very ill equipped and, you know, ill equipped as a school system to, you know, raise these kids, kids with the right tools to make a difference all they get. And I know I have two adult kids, all they get is a flyer home that usually says don't do drugs, no drugs, whatever it is. Your parents usually throw those away like, well, it means nothing. 

Wendy Beck 25:44
It starts with the the not my kid mentality. And unless you have personal experience with it, you are not going to think about it. You're not you know, unless you have an uncle that's struggling and the children see them at a and a, you know, a family function, and you can actually have a real conversation. And that, you know, uncle, whoever uses drugs and he is in and out of rehab or this is why he's not allowed here if they don't have exposure to something like that, people don't talk about it. They don't they don't talk about it. There's no reason to talk about it now. I mean, I know people are they become frightened and even with with my daughters, you know, you don't do that. You know, just telling somebody don't do it isn't really a reason not to do it. It's not working. It it needs to be at a deeper level. And again, you know, don't eat that candy. It's it's you don't want to eat all that sugar and and but they still do. So it's like there has to be a certain amount of impulse control and I and teens lack that. So when when they're when they're around their friends and they are in a situation, their impulse control, I mean, it's it's starting younger and younger. I mean, we've got like 13 and 14 year olds now that are using drugs and drinking alcohol. And and again, you know, I don't know the reasons. I don't I don't know if it's just more access, but just less, you know, more privacy because parents are just different than they were. Like, I don't have an answer. Like, I don't know. But I do know it's it's unavoidable. It's never going to go away. So you have your prevention piece and like what you're saying, you know, is coaching these parents really, really early on. And then after it's like, I don't want to say it's too late, but after the Beast is has been awakened, then what do you do? So we have, you know, before and after, you know, and then in the middle is that little intervention piece. But I don't think that we're really focused on the age them at this younger age. And I think that that's becoming more and more of a problem. 

Nevriye Yesil 27:58
I think we need to, again, because we don't go deep into education in our home, we need to do that in school when they are sitting down and listening to the teacher and we need to bring coaches, we need to bring counselors, educators. 

Wendy Beck 28:18
Well. 

Nevriye Yesil 28:20
In this field. And once it and provide and give these information to the kids in a most fun and motivational way as possible because you know, you don't want them to fall asleep when they get this kind of information. You want to make it fun. You want to make it, you know, with practical examples, with real life examples, really in a way that we did not do before. I think we are totally it in this in this field where we are. 

Wendy Beck 28:46
And and and again, going into the school system is it is a touchy is a touchy situation because you know, people do not want you talking to their kids about drugs because they don't even know how to talk to their kids about drugs. Then we have then we have what's happening now. And, you know, I don't know how familiar you are with like peers. So peers are a certified peer recovery coach, 

are able to connect with people who use as not as a supervisor or that type of thing, not supervisors, not the right word, not as like up an authority, but they're an actual peer so they can meet somebody where they're at because they have real life and real lived experience. And thankfully and, you know, I always give kudos to our county because we were in Maryland and we have a really strong recovery based community. And we're actually putting peers in the schools. So there's two schools in our county that are having peers that will have an office like alongside the guidance counselor, and they will be there. And there are people with lived experience with drugs who are actually able to talk to kids. They can be that's going to be referred to the peer from the guidance counselor, or they can go on their own. And I honestly feel that this is the first step in the right direction because sitting in a class, sitting in a classroom and being taught just like sex education and health class, you know, I'm old, like that's what we used to do in here. They share these graphic pictures of STDs and you're like, Oh my God, But is that going to be what, someone doesn't have sex because of that? No, No. But you know what I mean. Having them say, all right, I mean, to go down that rabbit hole. But what I'm saying is it's the same thing. You can not preach from a point where you don't have perspective. And a peer is a really good example of that. And I'm really kind of proud of you know, I know some the people that are doing this in our county, so I feel like what you're saying is, you know, it's not there in the schools, but we're pushing towards it. 

Nevriye Yesil 31:06
Yeah, that's great. Amazing. That's a great example to, you know, getting people who have been there, done that and see how they got in, what what caused them to got into this rabbit hole and how they got out. That's very, very empowering. How what are the tools that they use, What you know, they can share a lot of tips and strategies based on personal experience may be different for everybody, but I have done it. You can do it, too. It can be very empowering. Yes, I can only applaud you for implementing it. And I have not heard of any school system that is like. 

Wendy Beck 31:42
Literally just it's like in real time right now. Like it is just like literally the person is being placed in the school, like as as we speak. 

Rich Bennett 31:52
That's good. 

Wendy Beck 31:53
Yeah. And you know that Rich and I'll tell you later who that is, but okay, so yeah, I mean, and again, it takes a community and it takes in it takes your powers that be, so to speak, your, your county executives and your government officials to see the value in it. Because again, if it's not happening to them, they don't care. 

Nevriye Yesil 32:16
I know they think some people think it will never happen to them. Yes. But even if you don't have anybody in your family using drugs, even your neighbor's child who's using drugs is affecting you. It is your tax dollars that is going into into their recovery. It is you know, it is a crime. Many commit a crime to get their hands on the supplies and the resources they need for the next dose. We put them in prisons and jails. Where is that money coming from? From our pockets. And for neighborhoods? I mean, anybody anybody is affected by this. And and the first thing that we can do really is to educate our people, our community. It is a brain disease. It turns into brain disease, like literally it starts with a choice, whatever that. The reason maybe, but but it hijacks the brain that it breaks the control system and the brain they no longer can stop. They need our help. They need our guidance. And it turns into a brain disease. And it has been scientifically proven, just like diabetes or heart disease. When people have diabetes, we don't we don't stigmatize them. Right. We don't say, oh, just because you had high, high sugar diet is because you had you know, you had diabetes. Like we don't it's the same thing. It is it causes neurological changes in the brain and they need help to get out of it. 

Rich Bennett 33:46
Right, Larry, Because we've talked about the education for the kids, which is very, very important. What about the parents? How do we go about educating the parents? 

Nevriye Yesil 33:59
That's exactly what my goal was right here. 

Rich Bennett 34:02
Okay. 

Nevriye Yesil 34:03
Is exactly. We have to start somewhere, Right. I think this is the first book in history that was written specifically for moms because, you know, because moms are usually and typically the primary caregivers. And I really do believe as a mother that there is the innate instinct that we pick up on things before anybody else because they are a part of us. We do, We do. And we are more involved in their lives. So they are more tools and and they are research, believe it or not, that is looking into this this bond between mom and the child, The better your relationship is with your child, the better you can protect your child from the harms of substance. Use mothers have a stronger protective factor, and in preventing substance use, then friends. Believe it or not, it's good. You know, I really love research. They put so much effort and work into it, and I used everything that I thought relevant into it. So. So yeah, we can that's the best I can do is really I'm here, I'm going to podcast writing books, and book number four is coming. This is the second one on drug addiction. Actually, the first one was published in Europe and. 

Wendy Beck 35:20
It was called Can We Ask what was the first book called? 

Nevriye Yesil 35:24
The first book was on Neuropsychology of High Performance. That was also in German language. The second one is also Urbanite Drug addiction. It was written for people wanting to get out and teen or adults and you know, for both. And I would never really plan on writing another book. But my publisher said, Well, you can't translate it to English. I said, I really need to translate into English because they are people that needs it in English. I wanted to make it available to my to my clients or to people that I work with here in the US and that, you know, you can't translate it, but you can write a totally new book. We are not opposed to that. I said, okay, I guess I have to write a new book. Can you and. 

Wendy Beck 36:09
Then give us a little perspective? I mean, because my, my, my perspective is like at the street level, like, honestly, like what's coming in to our neighborhood and our county and then, you know, branching out a little bit to our state. But globally, like how do we measure up to like what's happening in, let's say, Germany? Like, how is how is drug addiction being handled in terms of that? Like, I don't have a perspective on that. 

Nevriye Yesil 36:40
I mean, we are actually doing better then than we used to. But one thing that we need to really work on here in the U.S., we are still criminalizing substance use like I don't know what exactly what percent, but, you know, I it is a brain disease, just like I said. And we are putting them into prisons. We need to help them. We need to help them get out of it and not punish them. So they need rehab. They don't need punishment. And and actually, Europe is doing a fantastic job in and giving them the supplies and the resources they need to really succeed. And even smaller communities, self help organizations and groups. We really I really struggled and struggle in smaller communities, building self-help groups. They have literally they are strong right up. They get out of jail, into the streets, woman in the street, because they had nowhere to go, no shelter, no help, no aftercare. 

It's a lifelong disease. You cannot give and put them on the street without giving them the resources to succeed. They need jobs. They need peers. They need people in the community that can drive them to work and back me. You know, normal life needs structure, right? Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 38:10
And and we're seeing this this is evidence based, you know, 

recovery and it's happening. And like I said, our our community is strong and not everyone makes it out alive. Like, I know that I personally know that. But I also feel like we have we have made a shift. And so in the recovery community, there's there's there is a big shift. I mean, I'm not saying every single person, but I think what you're touching on is really important because I don't think the family is being proactive. They're being reactive. And at the rehab stage, we're kind of like putting these these these safeguards into place. We've got recovery homes with that treatment. We've got Medicaid, we've got harm reduction, we've got all this stuff. But we are failing on the proactive side. So you know what in your book or do you feel is like the most beneficial, like chapter or advice or whatever. 

Nevriye Yesil 39:12
In preventing and empowering them? Yeah, Prevention is there's a saying prevention is worth a pound of cure. And I truly believe in that. You know, and common strategies, common common tools that I recommend every parent find after school activities, get them into sports, put them into environments that give that is that filled with role models and positive base that is, you know, not giving them plenty of time to be on their phone. So they are like not only but also knowing how to do engage in team sports and and and discipline and and all that kind of stuff. These are valuable tools or after after school or when they hit 16 have a little site to work. They need not only earned a value of a job, but also it gets them off the street when they are bored and makes them feel like adults and responsible. So I can only encourage you, put them in the right environment. Sometimes you don't have the right role models in the house. Maybe it's just you as a single mother working three jobs and there's nobody in the house. Maybe you have a partner that is you still on alcohol and and drugs, so you do what is available to you. Again, you are the piece of the puzzle. And my purpose with with this book is to make you shine and empower with the best tools and strategies available from the research and from and my personal experience, that's do you do what is best possible way to intervene and prevent it? That's all you can do. At the end of the day, it's their life. It's their choice. You cannot lock them up in a room and helicopter parent them for the rest of their life. It's not possible, unfortunately. 

Wendy Beck 41:08
And you don't give them the tools. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 41:11
Yeah. I'd like to add something to that too, because you mentioned about the after school activities. Get them involved in things. And this is something that always irks me and I've heard it from I can't tell you how many different people. There's nothing for the kids to do. Well, if you can't find an organization or something for the kids to join, if you can't find a way, you know, for them to volunteer for, then start something. 

Nevriye Yesil 41:40
Oh, yes. 

Rich Bennett 41:40
You know, if you're asked to start something, you have to focus on the kids. We have to get them away from the damn TVs and the video games, get them outside, because being outside is also going to help with their mental health as well. Oh, yeah. And get them involved with stuff. So yeah, anybody who says there's no there's nothing for the kids to do than start something exciting. 

Nevriye Yesil 42:05
Oh, I'm all for it. Right? If instead of complaining, you can be the yes, be the one that starts it and and be the role model. And I'm sure once you start it, there will be many more wanting to join forces with you and in supporting you. But it's always it's always the most difficult is to get the ball rolling and you've. 

Rich Bennett 42:29
Got to start somewhere. 

Nevriye Yesil 42:30
Yeah, I know, I know. Nobody wants to do the first first start because it's hard. 

Rich Bennett 42:34
Yeah, well, one thing I would like to ask and 

and Wendy, I think we've talked about this before, I wouldn't never and input on this 

guiding people to recovery. How do we do that? Because a lot of times they will fight you against it. 

Nevriye Yesil 42:56
Well, again, fight until the end, right? I do highlight in my book when is a time where you say, okay, enough is enough. I tried everything and do you 

little bastard, do whatever you want? When are you going to do that? 

Wendy Beck 43:13
I think I might have that. Yeah. 

Nevriye Yesil 43:16
No, but when are you going to do like, when is the time that you can say that? 

Rich Bennett 43:21
Yeah. What? 

Nevriye Yesil 43:22
As a mother, never. Right. I am a strong believer that, you know, you gave birth to these individuals, our loved ones. You know, you signed a contract, invisible contract, that you will be there for them forever and love them unconditionally and support them unconditionally. You, as a mom don't have the choice to give up on them. That's my personal belief. You may you don't. 

Wendy Beck 43:47
We never do. But yeah, we'll say that there there may come a time where we have to set some boundaries because our, our, our mental health and our life might depend on it. And so it's a really complex situation. And, you know, there's no there's no roadmap. But I also know right now you have to get the support. If you get to a point where you you have to throw your hands up and it doesn't mean in your hearts of heart that you're not they're not still praying and and and chasing and doing all of the things and hopefully not enabling too much. But you might need to get help for yourself. And I think that your book is a is a great piece of that help with. There are organizations like Al-Anon and stuff like that where where we have to kind of say, okay, you know what? I choose me. And hopefully they can they can come back or get to a place where they're ready to receive the help that you're in waiting. Because if you're not strong, you're not going to be able to help anybody. 

Nevriye Yesil 44:50
Exactly. I'm so glad you mentioned that. My whole chapter and forgot what chapter it is. I have a chapter that is on Uncovering the Woman Within or for just meeting your needs. And as a woman and as a as a mother. So I believe that self-love is the love for you and your child, because if you're not at your best, if you're always stressed, if you don't recharge your batteries, you have nothing to give. You have to meet your own needs, be strong mentally and physically, so you can be the best support system for your child. Yeah, I truly applaud you for that. I am a strong. 

Wendy Beck 45:28
Believer in that and and having an addicted loved one can run you into the ground and honestly can. They're there, you know. And the other thing is, is finding that support group is so important because it's a very lonely time. It's a very, very lonely time for a mom or a dad or or for a family, because we we feel the stigma because we don't really want to talk about this because this is yucky. When you go to a Christmas dinner and everyone's sitting around and your kids on the street and you don't know where they are, you don't really feel like celebrating too much. But you know, you're the downer in the room. You are, and that's a hard place to be. I remember one time like a family member, like I was at a holiday party, like this was going on in my life and somebody said something and I made a comment and I don't remember what the comment was, but only thing I remember about the situation is the person said to me a little bitter when in I it like it was almost like it slapped me in the face because they didn't know what was going on in my life because of how I'm going to talk about it. This is like the the elephant that's sitting on my shoulder weighing me down. And I and it was it and it was kind of like you have no idea. They have no idea the the amount or the the weight that this people carry with this. And I feel like this is something that we don't talk about either. Yes. Taking care of yourself, but but actually taking the time to do it. It feels impossible. 

Rich Bennett 47:04
Mm. 

Nevriye Yesil 47:05
I know, I know. And we share that as as moms, right? When our child is not doing well, not feeling well, we are even sicker and they are like we feel for them, suffer with them and we suffer for them even if they think nothing is wrong. We still because we don't, right. We want the best for our child, but we have to really make the time for ourselves, meet our needs so we have the energy that we can then spent on our education and our and and be the best that we can be for our child and also be a role model. Like 

you maybe you were on drugs yourself. You need to get out of it first. Look, I see many parents who use drugs themselves and then they tell their kids not to use drugs. You need to get off drugs yourself first before you can tell your child to stop using drugs. Right. You need to be the best role model your child deserves. You taught me to see that the recovery is possible. Your child needs to see that life is better. Without drugs, you will look better, you will feel better. You will have a regular life and go after your goals and your dreams and not go run after the next drug dealer to get your next dose. 

Wendy Beck 48:22
Do you coach moms? Is that something that you're doing? 

Nevriye Yesil 48:29
I do moms and I do moms with the team together. I do teen out on their own. I do courses, I do webinars, group group coaching. I go to schools and I force myself into schools because I know there is a need. And I do that. 

Rich Bennett 48:46
I like lot. 

Nevriye Yesil 48:48
And I literally just had one meeting yesterday at a at a at a school yesterday here in Sarasota, and I was so glad. I'm so happy when they give me an appointment like I'm offering you this for free, like I'm not expecting you to pay me for this. It's my time, It's my mission. I want to reach as many families as possible because I know there's somebody that needs to hear this. I know there's somebody that is suffering behind closed doors, ashamed. And to speak out or may be in denial. I need to talk to these moms. Just give me an opportunity. It's not just, okay, you're a great school. It's great private school. Everybody thinks. 

Wendy Beck 49:28
These are. 

Nevriye Yesil 49:29
Amazing, smart, brilliant kids. But It does not mean they are still going to be that way in five years. And the requirement. Right. We need to prevent and also intervene when things happen. We need to reach the teen and then we reach the needs to reach the mom. So give me the PTO platform. Give me 30 minutes of your time. 

Wendy Beck 49:52
And the moms who need it are showing up now. 

Nevriye Yesil 49:56
They need it. And I don't know why I am struggling to to schools. Please call me. I'm happy. Even if you're in a different state, give courses to your school for free. Like literally the book is for free. My courses are for free. Unless you want to work with me one on one, that's a different story. Because, you know we only have 24 hours in a day. But my goal is to reach as many parents and families as possible just when need. Just in 2020, 109,000 individuals to overdose. I've been to funerals. I am sick and tired. We don't talk about this early enough that we don't with teens, educate them in a proper manner. That is, you know, that that they like hearing the response that is coming from somebody just like them in a way that is that they can memorize and bring take home that is sticking and it needs to speak. It needs to not be like we live in a boring, boring fashion. Like we need to do that to make the biggest impact. 

Rich Bennett 51:06
So if people want to get in touch of you to come and talk to their school, even I would say even their workplace, because you're hitting parents there or wherever, how do they get in touch with you calling. 

Nevriye Yesil 51:18
Schedule a call? I call Netcom, call NAF, and the first three letters of my name, call NBC.com. Go to my website, Bright Wings, and Coco is my company and order free copy. Mom, help me book dot com. I'm sure you can get a hold of me through that. You can click a schedule private call with me to discuss whatever is on your mind, to discuss your family's needs and strategies and my discovery calls. I'm not charging anybody anything. You know, if, if, if, if, you know, there was a problem, I as a mother or as a parent or any primary caregiver, I strongly encourage you not to delay help because time is the difference between life and death. And I have seen it over and over again that we don't have the time to lose when it comes to drugs because of of the tragedies. I'm so sick and tired of going to funerals and hearing and hearing parents who lose their children and loved ones. 

Rich Bennett 52:18
Never. I got to ask you this, because you're giving a book away free. You're going and speaking at these schools for free, which both I mean, takes a lot of time. How in the world are you doing all this? You got to be making money somehow. 

Nevriye Yesil 52:36
I hope. One that will. 

Rich Bennett 52:38
Expenses. 

Nevriye Yesil 52:38
I hope one day. I hope one day. What now? I'm just my goal is to reach as many families as possible. Again, my one on one coaching. If there is a if there is a big need to work with me one on one, of course I have to charge a fee for the okay. And of course I had to charge a fee for that. But I can only do 5 to 10 at a time. I cannot do 50. So I am very committed with my one on one clients. I go very deep into their lives. I am holding their hands. I am sometimes mother to these teens. I am their friend, I am their mentor. We will find out what is the need that they want, What is it that they need? So ask them what they want and give them what they need. That's the strategy. Sometimes they don't know what they need and we need to find out. We need to dig deep. And yeah, that's that's what I offer is and my my mission is work one on one only in rare cases, but to reach as many family as possible. Please help me out. Spread the word and I really thank you guys for this platform. 

Rich Bennett 53:44
I know we're not done yet. 

Nevriye Yesil 53:45
I know a lot about you, but you know you guys are because of you. There are people that will be listening to me there because of you guys. There'll be people that will get my book, get their hands on it, and maybe read it and pass it on to somebody. And that really means a lot to thank you. 

Wendy Beck 54:01
I mean, all I would like to have a few copies, so I will I will go on to you. Yeah, it's only. 

Nevriye Yesil 54:09
$9. Yeah. Mom, help me with that comma. Thank you. Yeah, I really appreciate that. It just came two months ago. Is literally still very accurate. Like with the research, it's still warm, It is still hot. 

Rich Bennett 54:24
I there's something I want to ask you, but I want to see if Wendy's got anything for you first. 

Wendy Beck 54:30
No, I just I'd like to continue this conversation. 

Nevriye Yesil 54:34
I would love to back on anybody. Has any burning questions, please. Sent me an email info at Bright Wings and cocoa dot com. Like, literally, I'm very easy to reach and get a hold of and yeah, if you guys want to do another one later and you know when we have maybe before we forgot to highlight or touch on some questions that are important to your listeners. 

Wendy Beck 55:01
Yeah. And once I get the book I'm sure I'm going to have a lot more questions. So that that to me is, is a really good catalyst for another conversation. 

Nevriye Yesil 55:10
Oh, that would have been a great idea. 

Wendy Beck 55:11
I know. Yeah, I had. 

Nevriye Yesil 55:13
No idea about you. Wendy Oh, that's okay. We're kind of laying around. 

Rich Bennett 55:17
This sounds like it could be an episode for your new podcast one. Yeah. 

Nevriye Yesil 55:24
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 55:24
See, I. So now I got to ask you this. I mean, I want all the. 

Nevriye Yesil 55:28
Listeners right ahead. 

Rich Bennett 55:30
Tell everybody how you got involved with Tony Robbins. 

Nevriye Yesil 55:35
Oh, wow. Tony. Oh, my God. 

Rich Bennett 55:38
Wait a minute. Wendy, Do you know who Tony Robbins? 

Wendy Beck 55:40
Yes, yes, yes. Okay. 

Nevriye Yesil 55:43
Well, I like Tony. Oh, my. He's he's like the most important mentor in my life. That really changed my life since last year, the year and a half. And I don't not even know where to begin. Like, I took his free challenge. You know, I was you know, had a big break up and I ended a 20 year marriage and I was quite depressed and then and took his free challenge, really gave me the energy. Okay. Life is happened for me and not to me, that that phrase changed my life. And when I thought it was a it was the worst thing that happened in my life. It ended up, you know, changing my story. It didn't ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me because it set me free because I was not happy. It set me free to go after my passion and my goals and my dreams and be the person without shame and guilt. Right You know, I was not addicted to drugs, but I was kind of like in a relationship to was not happy with and I had to fight my way out of it. And that was that was not easy. That's how my journey with Tony started. And I found myself very empowered after the three or four day challenge a year and a half ago. And then I kept going. I did his Unleash the Power Within. I just decided to throw up. That's his most well known and is seminar is Unleash the power within. I did one in the UK just came back from Australia and then I joined his platinum partnership and and my life was never the same again. And it was never the same again. We travel the world, we make the biggest impact. We save lives, we build schools wherever we go, whether it's in Mexico or in Zambia. We do. We do make sure that we not only know do well in business, but also give no matter where we go. We believe in Mark. We live on impact with my other platinum partners and they are like hundreds of us, and we really become this really loud voice and we are so unstoppable. In two weeks we are going to Hawaii. It's going to be on relationships, not just on romantic relationships, but also on a relationship with your clients, your children, with anybody. Because I never stop investing in myself and educating myself because everything I learn makes me a better person. And the better and stronger I become, the better it's stronger of a coach and mentor and instructor I can be for my clients and people that really need to need my help. So yeah, he is always going to be my mentor. I will continue my journey with Tony and Sage, his wife, brilliant wife. They are absolutely worth battle. So life changed and I cannot put into words like it's beyond. 

Rich Bennett 58:46
He never stops, does he? 

Nevriye Yesil 58:48
It is like he's like had so much energy. 

Wendy Beck 58:51
Like. 

Rich Bennett 58:53
I think he's got one speed. Full speed ahead. That's it. 

Nevriye Yesil 58:56
Oh, my gosh. I would jump up and down. We we we dance. We get into peak state and then and then we sit down and listen for the next four or 5 hours and work on ourselves. And when he noticed our energy kind of going down and we kind of get tired we get up and we dance and people do that from eight in the morning until two or 3 a.m. in the morning. It's like it's going it's like 20 is doing. He has does not know any time he starts early in the morning and we pass past the midnight mark many times it's like but it's full immersion, right It's like he gets you into peak state. It's full immersion. That's how we our biology and our brain and and took for a lasting impact. I can only encourage you. He has so many videos on YouTube. He has so many free challenges. You P.W. is really for anybody that wants to make a change in their life. There's another one coming up, actually up in Dallas in November. If anybody's interested. It's really the least expensive and very affordable. If you if you're up for it, if you want to really, really are in a spot where you think you need to change your life. No matter who you are, go to zip it, change mine. I'm sure it will change yours as well. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:15
We'll never. Is there anything you like to add before I hit you with the final? 

Nevriye Yesil 1:00:20
I think we highlighted so many things. Thank you so much again. So please, the best thing you can do is really get a free copy of my book if you need it. Maybe you need know somebody that needs it, Get get yours and pass it on so so we can join forces and leave a mark on this earth. Thank you both. Thank you, Brandy. Thank you. Great. I'd love to come back. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:41
Oh, my. 

Nevriye Yesil 1:00:42
Pleasure. And and continue this conversation because this conversation needs to continue. Yes, because it will continue to affect families. It will continue to be a big problem in the world, not just in the US. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:57
So something I'd like to ask my guests. Even though you've only been on ten, I think ten different podcasts. 

Nevriye Yesil 1:01:04
Maybe less than I think it was even less than that. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:06
I suppose I'm not going to let you slide. I'm going to ask you anyway. 

Nevriye Yesil 1:01:10
What is it? 

Rich Bennett 1:01:11
So I love the answers. Out of all the people you've talked to, all the different host, is there anything that a host has never asked you that you wish they would have asked you? And if so, what would be that question and what would be your answer? 

Nevriye Yesil 1:01:26
Oh, wow. Okay. So a lot of people don't know where I'm from and how my journey here started. So, I mean, that's a whole different story right there. And my blueprint kind of why did I stay in a 20 year marriage that I was not happy with because of my mom was not really the best role model when it came to relationships because it 

because she was stuck with my dad until she was sent until he passed and he was not nice to her. It was kind of like, what are environment really shapes who we are? And and sometimes it really molds of our blueprint. We see the world just through that lens and but we have the power that we can change our story no matter where you are in your and your journey, whatever it is, drugs or person, you can change your story. My story started in Germany. I was born and raised in Germany, came here when I was 24, you know, started and I was a banker, believe it or not. I hated it. I hated it. I said, I cannot do this. I cannot be stuck in an office from 9 to 5 like that, my wall and now seeing everything. You know what I do? I'm the artist. Like I need. I want to create. I want to be free to express myself and and, and work on my terms. And it totally made sense. So, yeah, it's just embrace the unknown, right? Embrace the unknown. Because unknown is what we know is not going to get us further than where we already everything that is going to promote your growth and change is in the unknown. So get comfortable with the uncomfortable. I made a very uncomfortable moves in my life and those were the biggest life changing events. And I'd love to continue on this. And the next time, like, really? That's how I changed from high school failure to finishing my master's with a 4.0. That is like the reason why I wrote my book on high performance skills and neuropsychology. It's yeah, it's it's quite my my passion to keep me and others in a poem. 

Rich Bennett 1:03:50
Definitely have you back on that? Because believe it or not, that's usually one of the first questions I ask is tell us a little bit about yourself. Yeah, I usually start from high school on up. Yeah, Yeah. Cover. What we covered is very important, and I knew that. Yeah, we could talk about that for an hour plus easily. But I want to thank you so much for coming out. The door is open. Thank you. Whenever you want to come back on, just let me know. And then once Wendy starts her podcast, she's not leaving. Everybody else does not leave pressuring me. 

Wendy Beck 1:04:25
No, no, I'm kidding. No, no. 

Nevriye Yesil 1:04:26
And also amazing. 

Wendy Beck 1:04:27
I would love I would like to continue the conversation from and do this as a co-host with Rich from a a life coach perspective because you are super, super hyped up about that. And I love it. I did I did do some life coaching, you know, prep school schooling and I don't use it as a as I don't do that as a career, but I can implement a lot of that and just into my professional and personal life. But I really like your energy around and the journey that you're on with life coaching because I feel like the people that are successful in it are a different breed. And the and you have that. It's like, can you just feel her? Can you feel her energy? You can use that. You're like, she's like, she wants to be our cheerleader and I love it. And so, like, that's going to be the next one. That's going to be yes, yes. 

Nevriye Yesil 1:05:23
I'm all for it. Just send me a message. Very easy. I'm very flexible. I would love to talk about that. And and see where we can take it. Thank you, guys. Thank you. 

Rich Bennett 1:05:34
Thank you. 

Nevriye Yesil 1:05:35
Bye bye. Thank.