CC&P 12: Hey, House It Going?

[Electronic beats for the intro music.]

SAREENA:
Hellooo, my favourite fried potatoes! It's us, Sareena and Melissa as Curried Chips and Poutine, here to serve you another portion of fried goodness. Do you know what my favourite thing is about fried potatoes, Melissa?

MELISSA:
What? What is it?

SAREENA:
You can get them in so many different forms, like tater tots - they're just cute wee crunchy nuggets, or the classic triple-cooked chips, or as dumplings, which are amazing potato parcels, or even delicious sweet potatoes. No matter the shape, the size, or the texture, I'm always really happy to see fried potatoes, and this podcast gives me the same warm feeling. And you know what else gives me a warm feeling?

MELISSA:
I don't know, but I'm sure you'll tell me!

SAREENA:
Well, I love it when our lovely listeners interact with us!

MELISSA:
Yes, that's true! Oh, that reminds me - big shout out to Ghost, who is the person who bought our t-shirt off Redbubble last week!

SAREENA:
Thank you!

MELISSA:
Thank you so much, we appreciate it and we hope to see pictures soon! We love you! [mwah]

SAREENA:
Yeah, that'd be amazing. So now, as we said last week, if you can cast your minds back - the UK, we've entered another lockdown, so now that we're spending even more time than before at home, I thought it'd be good that we would base our 'would you rather' questions around the house to inspire activities, ways to change the environment, and of course, laugh maniacally as we present each other with difficult options.

MELISSA:
Yes, we enjoy that schadenfreude, please.

SAREENA:
[question time chime] So, I'm gonna kick us off because Melissa did it last week, so it's my turn - so, in your house, Melissa, would you rather have lovely photo collages, your photo frames, or your photo books, however you store your physical photos - would you rather have them full of the worst pictures you've ever taken from trips or special occasions?

As I imagine, you've got one eye closed, the other one's half-open, you've got a really bad expression, or it's just blurry, you know, it's just the ones that you make sure nobody sees.

MELISSA:
[laughing] Right...

SAREENA:
Or... would you rather have one large canvas that people consider as really beautiful, but it was made by putting paint on your naked body and using those curves for art?

MELISSA:
Oh my god! Uh, I am disturbed twofold; one, just from the contents of this question, and two, that fact that it's really similar to one of my questions! [sad boing sad effect]

SAREENA:
Oh nooo!!

MELISSA:
We've done it again, folks!

[Cracking up from both sides.]

SAREENA:
Well, I was like - look, what can we do- what can we do at home? And, you know, obviously we can art- you were saying, about all the different creative ways that you do, with your cross-stitching, so I was like well you can paint, you can draw. And I know people who have really gotten into photography, so I was like 'oh yeah! This'll inspire people, they can do this too!' And, you know, you can do this from the comfort of your home!

MELISSA:
Exactly.

SAREENA:
But I was like, how can I make it funny? And then obviously, being naked. [laughing]

MELISSA:
I mean, the question is not super similar, but it does have to do with paint and photography. I'm like 'aw no! No! Aaaaah!!' I mean, for the record, I am awful at taking pictures, like I can't take selfies - I like to blame it on my camera, but it's not the camera, it's the person behind it.

SAREENA:
[cracking up]

MELISSA:
So a lot of my pictures actually are like - this is meant to be a nice selfie - just kidding, look at all those chins on display! Look at that blur! Look at that random person in the background, about to- mid-sneeze or something!

SAREENA:
But imagine that that's what's around your house, that's what you choose. 'Cause I like to have, you know, a few kind of photo collages around, or stick up some nice pictures from trips, or just with friends, just to kind of brighten up my room. I remember at university we had done a trip to China, and I came back, and made this huge wall decoration with the different photos that we had taken-

MELISSA:
Awww, cute!

SAREENA:
-and it was just really nice, and I had gotten like a personalized Chinese scroll and things and put that up on the wall, and my certificate for Level 1 Chinese and things, I basically made it a Chinese wall... not like the Great Wall.

MELISSA:
I was about to make that joke.

SAREENA:
But it was a really nice way to brighten up the room, so just imagine each of those photos, I was just like 'yes, this perfectly captures a moment of that trip and it's just...'

MELISSA:
It's all awful, is what you're saying.

SAREENA:
Yeah. Or, you can have a beautiful work made from your body, but you don't necessarily have to tell people it's from your body, but you would know. You would know how that was created.

MELISSA:
I don't know, man, I mean, I have a full appreciation for traditional media because, again, watercolour's my poison of choice, I can't actually paint -

SAREENA:
And so you shouldn't be drinking that either, I'm just gonna put that out there.

MELISSA:
Yeah, don't drink the paint water, that's bad. Hey artists, if you're tired and about to reach for that cup, check to make sure that it's the right cup, please!

SAREENA:
Yeah, the colour might give you an indication of it.

MELISSA:
It might not, either! You don't know that. The smell definitely would though, so y'know. I don't know, man!! I almost kind of like the silly- the bad picture idea, just because at least it'll make me laugh.

SAREENA:
That's true.

MELISSA:
Every time I look at it I'll just crack up and I feel like that's important.

SAREENA:
Yeah, yeah.

MELISSA:
Okay, so another question - so for the painting, is it like a painting of a sunset or something? Or is it a portrait, or what?

SAREENA:
So, what can you do with your body, really?

MELISSA:
Everything!

SAREENA:
Yeah, I mean, I imagined you'd just douse yourself in paint - [splashing sound effect] - and just do pencil rolls across the canvas or something.

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
You can use your hands and feet obviously to make shapes and things-

MELISSA:
Oh I see.

SAREENA:
-but I just imagined it was gonna be like an abstract kind of piece.

MELISSA:
Ohhhh.

SAREENA:
So one that would be attractive to the eye, but, you know, everyone can take their own perception from the art.

MELISSA:
Got it.

SAREENA:
Only you- or I mean, you could tell people, 'yes, I made this with my body'.

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
I mean, that's different then - okay, it's actually- 'cause I thought it was something like I had to recreate a photo with my body parts on canvas, so.

SAREENA:
No no no, you could move however you wanted across the page.

MELISSA:
I could just fingerprint everything! Fingerpainting's a thing, I could just-

SAREENA:
You have to use your body, you can't just like, 'let me just do one fingerprint'-

MELISSA:
[cracking up] Darn it, you're onto me! I think I'll have to go with the photos.

SAREENA:
Yeah?

MELISSA:
I mean, no one has to see them!

SAREENA:
That's true.

MELISSA:
But they would make me laugh, so there's that.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
It's true, I do prefer more candid photos than like, the staged posing-for-them sort of photos. Case in point, my sister - my older sister, she'll put on like, the 'insta smile', the 'trout pout' kind of thing. And I get so annoyed, I'm like 'give me a real smile or I'm not taking this picture!' And then we'll make something dumb, we'll go like '[goofy noise]' and then I'll take the picture and I'm like 'there we go, that's the one that I want to have on my phone'.

SAREENA:
Yeah, I know, I think I also suffer from that too, but I'm like 'I'm just smiling!' But it's the same smile in all of my pictures.

MELISSA:
[laughing] At least, with your smiles I feel like those are actually- those are genuine smiles! ['awww' sound effect] It's not like you're putting it on for the camera, unless you are and haven't been telling me?

SAREENA:
Well, I do love the camera.

MELISSA:
This is true also.

SAREENA:
But I think that's also a genuine love as well, so I can see how one can be confused.

[Laughter from both sides.]

MELISSA:
Yeah no I'll do the terrible photos, because it lends that personal touch that you can't get elsewhere.

SAREENA:
Well, the personal touch of being naked and creating art is also quite strong!

MELISSA:
I am not that- I'm an artist but I'm not that kind of artist, as it were - I am not comfortable with painting as it were anyways, so it's fine... I know friends who probably would absolutely jump at this chance though but yeah, I wouldn't.

SAREENA:
That's fine, I can see why you would go with your- with the photos, I think actually that fits quite nicely with you as a person. And that's quite fun because to someone who's looking at the photos, they wouldn't necessarily know what's going on - it would garner interest and be a conversation starter, like 'oh, what was this supposed to be?'

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
That's true, it'd be like an inside joke but every single photo is an inside joke, because I know what happened.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
No, I like it, I'm doubling down - I'm gonna go with that.

SAREENA:
Cool. I think I'd actually do the painting, because-

MELISSA:
Really?

SAREENA:
-1) you don't have to tell people how you made it and-

MELISSA:
That's true.

SAREENA:
- I really enjoy making photo collages, and kind of having them- you know, either hang them from a part of my room and stuff, so I would really like having that, or like a special photo from a trip; so like obviously we have a ton of photos together-

MELISSA:
Yes we do.

SAREENA:
I have a couple of them in frames and things. I really like looking at them and reimagining how that photo was taken; so having a piece of art that I've actually made with what I have, in terms of my human body, is quite cool. It's like a new perspective on your body, isn't it?

MELISSA:
It's - no, absolutely.

SAREENA:
And for everyone listening, you don't have to do these things, you can just move all those photos you have on your phone into the Cloud, back it up, use this time wisely... you know, do the things that you're like, 'I'll do this one day!' Today is the one day!

MELISSA:
Today is the one day. Do it. I've been slipping more into that mindset recently too, because I used to- I collect stickers (okay, lots of things I collect) but stickers, I'll be like 'oh, I'll use a sticker for a special occasion'. But then what? It sits on my desk just collecting dust because I'm waiting to use it, I'm like 'nope! You know what? This is a special occasion, I'll use a sticker because what good is it doing me sitting on my desk?'

SAREENA:
Yeah, I have a sticker one of my friends sent me, it's a unicorn and it's dabbing, like oh my god I need a hundred of these! But I'm like where do I put it, it'll be so permanent as soon as I put it on a notebook or something, and I'm like 'well no, let's make that commitment and it's gonna be there, and every time I use that notebook, I'll have that happy feeling'-

MELISSA:
Exactly.

SAREENA:
So yeah, it's good, things that we've been saving for maybe the 'right time'?

MELISSA:
Mmhmm, or like a 'special occasion'.

SAREENA:
We've said before, "Time's not real!" So we might as well use what we know, and that is where we are right now, and just place that sticker, print that photo, or just move them and back them up to the Cloud, keep it safe for another day.

MELISSA:
So that you always have them. I mean, not to be Rent on air, but no day but today!

SAREENA:
Yes!

MELISSA:
[singing] "No day but today!" [question time chime] I might as well move onto my question that's kind of similar anyways, but I think it's a funnier take- or a different take, at least-

SAREENA:
Funnier take?? [offended gasp sound effect] Well, how dare you!

MELISSA:
Well not quite! Okay okay here, let me lay the groundwork. Okay, Sareena?

SAREENA:
Mmhmm?

MELISSA:
Would you rather have all your pictures are actually paintings-

SAREENA:
Oooh.

MELISSA:
So every photo that you have, that you have up, it's actually been recreated in paint form-

SAREENA:
Yep.

MELISSA:
Or would you rather have everything be photos? And this includes like, abstract things; like say you have like a Jackson Pollock- that's not a painting, friend, that's a photograph. You don't know how they did it, but it's a photograph.

SAREENA:
Okay, so have either all my photos as paintings, or have any abstract art that I have as a photo?

MELISSA:
Yes. So everything's a photo, basically.

SAREENA:
I mean, I don't really own anything artistic that isn't a photo, you know?

MELISSA:
That's true, actually! You are definitely more of a photo person.

SAREENA:
Yeah, I feel - again, in my life I've always imagined I would start kind of getting pieces of art maybe when I had my own place, like you know when you're renting you can't put things up on the wall, you have to always make sure that the room you're renting is in good condition. So I've never really put anything up - whereas with photos, it's easier to put them up or make displays and not damage anything, 'cause you don't have to knock something into the wall to hang stuff.

So I'm not really accumulating something, but I would love to have art from the different places that I've been to - you know, have traditional Korean pieces or whatever, or Mexican art, you know, things from Japan - you know, it would be amazing but I just don't have that, so at the moment I would definitely go with everything being a photo, because that's what they are at the moment!

MELISSA:
Okay, yeah. Everything being a photo, that includes anything- not merchandise, but more like any media you might have, I guess, that's in print form. Like if you have an artbook or something that's not art, that's - well that IS art, but instead of pictures on a canvas it's actually a photograph, so it's a real photograph of.... whatever.

SAREENA:
Okay, yeah. See, I don't even have like, art books for Mass Effect or something, I literally just don't have that because one - out of the both of us, you are the collector, I'm always amazed at how much stuff you've accumulated! I'm like 'damn, girl!' Because in my mind, I look at the thing and I'm like 'that's really nice and maybe one day I'll get it' but I don't get it.

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
It just lives rent-free in my mind, or I take a photo of something similar, like I'll look at it and the photo gives me the warm fuzzies, so. It doesn't- it wouldn't change anything or how I'm living at the moment.

MELISSA:
Okay, that's totally fair. And you're absolutely right, I am the worst packrat, I have terrible self control! I'll be like, 'oh, I really want this thing, boop!-' [cash register cha-ching] '- I've ordered it, whoops, sorry!'

SAREENA:
[laughing] But that's really fun, and then I think I would indulge more in that if I had my own place and I knew I wasn't leaving soon, or had the intention of moving; like yes, I can actually accumulate things to keep here! But I think overall, I'm kind of minimalistic and the things I do buy will have a bit more meaning for me, and I'm like 'this is really special, and this is what I really want to decorate this spot of my house' or 'actually, I'm gonna clear this shelf for all of my cat ornaments'. [laughs again]

MELISSA:
Yes, that's true! 'Cause imagine if this was consequence-free, then - so say you do have your own place. And you know, you can decorate it however you like with no fear of banging holes in the walls or anything.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Would you still go with that option, then? Or right now right now?

SAREENA:
I mean, I just really like photographs! I really do. I've never- I mean, 1) probably I've never looked for art, because I've always been like 'no, not right now... I can't'. But I really like canvases, I remember being in Mexico and we went to a little gallery just to see it, and they had these beautiful- I guess canvas pieces, that would glow in the dark, but it's Chichen Itza, which is one of the Seven Wonders of the World, the giant Mayan temple - and then at night, it had kind of like Northern Lights, the Milky Way galaxy above it with the stars. And it just looks amazing, I would definitely love to have a room in my rich house full of that kind of stuff, that would be amazing, but at the moment the most accessible form art for me is photography and its photos, so that's why I enjoy Instagram so much. I'm like 'photos!' [camera flashing sound effect]

MELISSA:
That is true also. 'Cause when I say 'art' I don't just mean stuff to hang up on the wall, it could be anything- it could be any media, like I have figurines, I have books, I have- you know, video games are art too! Stuff like that.

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
Video game merch... [guilty laughter]

SAREENA:
But even then I don't have that much! I usually- my friends will buy me the merch-

MELISSA:
Yes.

SAREENA:
-and that's why I cherish that more, because it's come from a friend?

MELISSA:
Oh true! Yeah, 'cause I have- you know, I feel like most of the Sailor Moon stuff you have, I think I've gotten you.

SAREENA:
Yeah, the only Sailor Moon thing I've bought is my Sailor Jupiter transformation pen, and that's from when we were in Japan together.

MELISSA:
[laughing] Yes. Oh, I mean, like I've said before, gift-giving is my love language, so... let me talk to you. Let me gift you things!

SAREENA:
And let me be here with words of affirmation for you!

MELISSA:
Yes, basically. Look on that Sailor Jupiter wand and be reminded of how much I appreciate you.

SAREENA:
Yeah, exactly. So I like to hold onto things for the sentimentality and I get that same feeling from photographs. So that's why I put more emphasis on getting a really good photo, or taking at least ten and then hoping out of the ten, you know, I've got that one that I'm really happy with, and obviously that's why our rollercoaster one-

MELISSA:
Yes!

SAREENA:
-is so amazing, it's amazing! But you can totally see that we were having the time of our lives on it, so yeah, I would love that to just always be on my wall!

MELISSA:
But it would be a painting, I think that'd be really cool, actually!

SAREENA:
It would be amazing, but I love it how it is in its original form.

MELISSA:
It's fun! If anybody who's listening and they're artistic types, or digital artists, they have filters and things that you can slap onto- or at least, you can work on your canvas, your digital canvas- where you can make things look like a mosaic, or you can make things look like an old-timey oil painting or watercolour painting, and it's a very cool sort of mock-up of what this could look like.

SAREENA:
Yeah, I mean I've been seeing that kind of thing on Instagram where people are holding their cats and then you see the scanner going down the picture, and then they become a Renaissance picture, it's them and their cat and it's just been amazing.

MELISSA:
Yeah, like that! Just all your photos looking like that, Sareena, YOU could be a Renaissance painting!

SAREENA:
I could. That is very tempting. [laughs] I do look great in canvas.

[Laughter from both sides.]

MELISSA:
You look great on canvas and off. Hey-o!

SAREENA:
[cracking up] If you wanna commission and do that for me, yes, feel free!

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
With my sweet podcasting money I'll do that, sure.

SAREENA:
Yay! [question time chime] Let's go back to home decor, what can we do to change up the feel and basically, the environment of our rooms that we're spending all of our time in all day every day... So would you rather have funky lights set up everywhere in your room, or have a wonderful array of plants?

MELISSA:
[giggling] You keep doing this, I have a lights-related question too!

SAREENA:
Nooo!!

[And then there was much laughing.]

MELISSA:
You're two for two so far!

SAREENA:
Aaah, damn it!

MELISSA:
Oh no! I mean, it's okay, it's fine, we'll work with what we got! Don't worry! But it's actually really funny that you mention plants, because there's about a thousand plants in my house right now!

SAREENA:
Really?

MELISSA:
Yeah, they're all in the kitchen.

SAREENA:
Oh okay. Of course.

MELISSA:
All the kitchen plants, they're all by the backdoor so they can get the sun without the cold. So... funky lights, you mean like fairy lights? Or just the house lighting, or...?

SAREENA:
Yeah, like you know, you could put fairy lights up, you could have corner lighting- I keep seeing this ad plaguing me on Instagram, but it's a corner light, but it's like a thin strip that kinda goes halfway up the wall, and it can do different colours of lights. So it would obviously- so it could do rainbow lighting for your room.

MELISSA:
Uh-huh.

SAREENA:
And- or I'm guessing you could keep it on a static colour as well if you needed to. So it's that kind of feel, would you have really nice kind of corner lights? Would you have fairy lights up everywhere? Would you, you know-

MELISSA:
Ooh, okay!

SAREENA:
Yeah, that kind of thing. If you could imagine the perfect gaming rig set up, you know, you see- that's what I had in mind-

MELISSA:
I see!

SAREENA:
-all these lovely desktops, with all their RGB lighting everywhere, and their 500 monitors and all that kinda stuff, it just looks so nice - there's nice pink, blue, green, whatever - and I'm just 'ugh! I want it!!'

MELISSA:
Lighting that we don't got.

SAREENA:
No.

MELISSA:
Man.... 'cause I - arrrgh, I'll have to go with the lights one, just because - you know what my biggest dream has always been, though? It's been to have a ceiling that's painted to look like the night sky, to have the lights that look like the stars and the galaxies and stuff?

SAREENA:
Ah, yeah.

MELISSA:
I've always wanted that, so... maybe this could be- that could be my ticket to doing it!

SAREENA:
Yeah! I've seen you can buy light projectors-

MELISSA:
Uh-huh!

SAREENA:
-and so you can plug that into your room and then again, it could project the star systems-

MELISSA:
-the constellations!

SAREENA:
-the constellations, yeah! And you could just have that floating around your room, that would create quite a nice ambience.

MELISSA:
It would... aw. I love plants but again, I'm living that dream right now already, so. Have to go with the funky lights, because - again, instagram ads, I usually tell them to go away because they're too repetitive! But they do have ones for the cute lights that are touch-activated, or the ones that look like a little star with a little smiley face on it-

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
I think it's super cute! Lighting does so much!

SAREENA:
It does, and especially if you're someone who suffers from SAD, which is- what is it? Seasonal ... Affect Disorder?

MELISSA:
Uhhhhhhh..... something like that!

SAREENA:
Something like that, if you're affected by the season, and usually it's people who find winter quite hard because there's not enough sunlight going around, and especially in the UK, the days are very short. So I know there's special lamps you can get-

MELISSA:
Yes.

SAREENA:
-that help you rise with the sun, it lights up to kind of replicate that and that's kind of fun. So that's kind of the idea that I had, is just having calming lights or - I mean, you could have rave lights on as well, if that's more your tune-

MELISSA:
Rave lights....

SAREENA:
-my laptop, it has different colour settings on it, and I could set it to be like strobe lighting so it can just pulse at me-

MELISSA:
What!

SAREENA:
-and I do that sometimes, I'm like 'yeah! Party time!'

MELISSA:
[cracking up] Oh that's so funny, oh my gosh! That would be too much for my laptop, for other stuff? Maybe, but my laptop, no way!

SAREENA:
No, but when I'm gaming generally, it's the soft kind of 'breathing' effect between the colours, but sometimes I'll put dance music on and I'll put it on for strobe light and just- [dance beats in the background] - dance party at my house! But it's just me.

MELISSA:
It's just you.

SAREENA:
Very exclusive party.

MELISSA:
Oh yeah. You're having a you party!

[Laughter from both sides.]

SAREENA:
So yeah, I think I'd join you with the funky lights, I think that'd be nice. But then I also- I do have three plants to boost my air quality.

MELISSA:
Your three compatriots, as it were?

SAREENA:
Yeah, it's good. What do you got for me?

MELISSA:
[question time chime] I mean, to piggyback off your question again -

SAREENA:
Mmhmm!

MELISSA:
This keeps happening! But okay. So, Sareena-

SAREENA:
That's me!

MELISSA:
I feel like I kind of already know your answer also, but, you know.... humour me.

SAREENA:
Yes?

MELISSA:
Would you rather have your home lights change with your mood, but you can't control it-

SAREENA:
Okay...

MELISSA:
-so it's whatever you're feeling, that's what the colour you're getting... or would you rather have a fireplace that does the same thing but with temperature?

SAREENA:
Oh god! Oh no!! I wouldn't- mm-mm, I wouldn't want my place to be cold if I'm feeling- I dunno, whatever emotion is- I'm assuming sadness and loneliness, you know... That is part and parcel of the lockdown as you do tend to feel that, I don't want to be cold!

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
I feel worse the colder that I am! I must be swathed in blankets and comfy socks, and fleece-lined joggy pants and things, just...

MELISSA:
Oh my god.

SAREENA:
Yeah. No, I could not have a heating system that did not heat me when I needed it! [laughing]

MELISSA:
I mean, it would heat you! I mean, it would be cooler if you're feeling angry 'cause you're already warmed up, so -

SAREENA:
Hmm.

MELISSA:
it always keeps that perfect temperature for you. But I am the opposite, I am the warmest person, like I'm sweating just thinking about wearing cozy pants, I can't do it.

SAREENA:
Oh no. It's like ultimate comfort for me, just being in soft things. So I would have to go with the lights, because - so is this like my lights for my room that I- if I switch it on, it'll be green if I'm feeling serene? [bad joke boing sound effect] Eh?

MELISSA:
[sarcastic laughing] Wow.

SAREENA:
Or red if I'm like angry?

MELISSA:
Yeah, it'll fluctuate, so I'm gonna say it's your whole house.

SAREENA:
Okay, oh wow.

MELISSA:
Whatever room that you have lights on that you're in. So like you read the news and the lights suddenly turn a very cold, dim grey.

SAREENA:
Hmmmm.

MELISSA:
But then you're feeling chill, you're feeling comfortable and relaxed, and it's a nice soft, you know, green lighting, or whatever colour's your favourite colour, which is green, right?

SAREENA:
It is green, yeah. Yeah, I think I'll go with that because at least I'll be able to control the temperature wherever I am, and that will probably boost my mood and then we'll just have green all the time and it'll be fine.

MELISSA:
Yeah!

SAREENA:
Would you go with the fireplace?

MELISSA:
I think so, because my biggest problem anywhere I go is that either I'm too hot - actually it's almost entirely I'm always too hot wherever I go.

SAREENA:
Okay.

MELISSA:
I know! I'll just be like 'wow I'm sweaty!' and everyone's like 'Melissa, we're freezing, what's wrong with you?' and I'm like '[sobs and laughs] I'm sorry that I'm a furnace!'

SAREENA:
Wow, I wish that was kind of like a problem I had, that would be really nice 'cause I always feel like I'm too cold all the time, which is why I need all my blankets to prop me up, day to day.

MELISSA:
It's not so bad in winter, but in summer it's a curse, I tell you, it sucks.

SAREENA:
Yeah, I can imagine.

MELISSA:
But I have two blankets and I usually kick one of them off because I get too hot.

SAREENA:
No. More blankets! More!

MELISSA:
It's winter and I still only use one blanket.

SAREENA:
Gross. I mean, well I have my thicker duvet, I have my weighted blanket and then I have like mid-range temperature of my heating on as well.

MELISSA:
It's.... no, I am always forever toasty.

SAREENA:
[question time chime] All right, cool. Well, with you being warm and toasty over there I thought we could take this episode in hopefully a slightly different but similar wavelength. And I want you to imagine if you were a rich girl, Melissa, you know, imagine Gwen Stefani-

[Both singing to 'Rich Girl' by Gwen Stefani featuring Eve.]

MELISSA:
It's Gwen Stefani and Eve, thank you!

SAREENA:
Oh, really? Well, again-

MELISSA:
Yeah.

SAREENA:
-I'm not a name person, it's a miracle I know who Gwen Stefani is, so let's just leave it at that. [laughing] So you're rich, you're in a mansion of whatever make or how many bedrooms-house that you wan; would you rather - so, see, this is like a first kind of person you would take to manage your home, I guess -

MELISSA:
Okay.

SAREENA:
So would you rather have a butler or a chef?

MELISSA:
[indecisive noise that rises in pitch]

SAREENA:
I mean both are essential but this would be the first one you would get.

MELISSA:
Geez! You have put me in a terrible position!

SAREENA:
Excellent.

MELISSA:
'Cause the thing about the chef is that I- the thing is, I love cooking. I love to cook, I love to bake - baking moreso than cooking, I think.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
But if I don't have to worry about cooking for myself... but then also, butler because I am forgetful as all get out! I'll be able to do things! [more agonized noises]

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Funny story, actually, in all of my dreams about- you know, playing that game of "what would your dream house have?"-

SAREENA:
Yes?

MELISSA:
- hired help is not actually part of that, I always imagined that I would just take care of it myself, maybe... have some cleaning staff but not like a butler, you know?

SAREENA:
Yeah, I mean like butler would kind of work as, helps you clean and stuff as well, but generally looks after the house as well as you to an extent, but - you know, can only prepare simple things, like you get me something from the fridge or something like that. So if you had like a chef, you'd be able to tell them 'oh, please can you make me, like ... peri-peri chicken with the best triple-fried chips ever, with garlic mayo, and a garnish of some kind' for when you're ready to eat at 7 o'clock after work or whatever it is.

MELISSA:
[indecisive noises] I mean, that's true too... aw, you're making me think of Nando's, I haven't actually had that in so long... dang it!!

SAREENA:
Nandos, I did have them deliver to me one time, and it was magical. Maybe I'll get them again soon.

MELISSA:
I wanna eat them again because it's been a while, and my parents and my sister haven't tried it yet, so I'm like 'try this out! Live this life with me!'

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
Can this chef cook everything? Or is it just a certain type of cooking, now that you have my attention with food.

SAREENA:
[laughing] Just dangle it there in front of you. Obviously, if you just imagine chefs as they are now, everyone's obviously got their strengths and areas where they can improve and things that they like to do, so it would depend on what chef you would employ.

MELISSA:
Hmmm.

SAREENA:
So if you wanted someone who is authentic in kind of more Asian flavours, that's who you'd have; or if you want someone who is more classically French-trained, if that's more of your cup of tea.

MELISSA:
[scoffing]

SAREENA:
[laughs] Have those reduced au jus, medallions of steak and all that.

MELISSA:
I mean honestly, as long as they can make amazing fried chicken, I will be- I am happy with whoever, because fried chicken.... uhhhh, I think maybe a butler, 'cause that way at least I can curb my- I can curb those cravings, 'cause if I have that power, you'll never see me ever again.

SAREENA:
That's true. But... oh gosh, I hate just working, and then having to cook, and then having to clean, and then you eat your dinner but then it's gone in two seconds, but the cleaning is there and you're cleaning for five years- [clanking clutter sound effect] -and sometimes you have to cook again, I just- no, I can't.

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
If I was rich, I definitely would want a chef, a butler also at some point, or just someone who can help me maintain the house and then a personal stylist - I do think I need some help in that department!

[Both laughing.]

MELISSA:
No you don't!

SAREENA:
Aw thanks, but you know, graphic t-shirts can only take me so far in life!

MELISSA:
They're getting you really far right now, you're fine!

SAREENA:
Yeah. But I think a chef would just be amazing, like 'look! I'm gonna be done in half an hour, can you please cook me up something nice?' Or it can be like 'surprise me!' And you know, get the best meal ever.

MELISSA:
That's true. Yeah, 'cause you're not a super fan of cooking, though.

SAREENA:
No, I mean, I like doing it, but it's just everything around it, you know - the prep, and then the cleaning, and then the dishes, just uuugh.

MELISSA:
I actually like- admittedly, maybe not the dishes so much, but I actually really like prepping, getting stuff ready, my mise en place... I went to college for culinary stuff, so actually I'm - technically speaking, certified. [sparkly 'wow!' sound effect] Have I cooked anything properly? No.

[Laughter from both sides.]

MELISSA:
No, but I have that certificate so I learned all the prep, I learned all the terms for everything, so when I watch cooking shows I'm like 'wow, this guy knows what they're doing' or 'wow! Who let them on TV?' That kind of thing.

SAREENA:
Whereas I'm a certified MasterChef: Australia watcher, so I know everything about anything, and when I watch the UK version I'm like 'this is so boring compared to the Australia one', and... you got nothing on them! Look at everyone walking so orderly to the pantry to get whatever, you need to be running for your lives, people! It's the opportunity of a lifetime!

MELISSA:
Orderly? That's not what we're here for! Although I will say, watching The Great Canadian Baking Show, which is just a riff off The Great British Bake-Off anyway, but - The Great Canadian Baking show, it's actually so nice to watch because- yeah, they are still running to grab their ingredients and things, but everyone's nice to each other! There's no backstabbing, there's no drama, they're just like 'oh no my caramel sauce didn't turn out!' 'Oh here, let me help you!'

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
They're so nice! And everything looks delicious, I want to plant my face in it immediately!

SAREENA:
I mean, they're like that on Australian MasterChef too. I mean, I think if you're wanting food drama, MasterChef: USA is where you go to, for Gordon Ramsay and I am 100% behind that. And if anyone needs to binge-watch anything, check out Australian and US MasterChef, you will NOT be disappointed.

MELISSA:
Ah. 'Cause MasterChef, I think it does remind me, you get attached to certain people and then you want certain people to fail, I'm like 'I don't want to see you succeed, you're a tool and I hate you!'

SAREENA:
Yeah, yeah, and that's like way more pronounced in the US version, so it's really fun. [laughs] So what's your choice? Butler?

MELISSA:
[Indecisive whinging] It's gonna have to be butler- yes, it's going to be butler!

SAREENA:
Very good. I'll go with chef.

MELISSA:
Yeah, 'cause like I said - I like to play that game, you know, if you had ten million dollars what would you do with it? And inevitably, buying a house is usually the first thing that comes to mind, and here's what I want, right - this room for all my cookbooks, this room for all of my figurines and my books and my baubles. I collect novelty cookbooks, by the way, they're fantastic, I love every single one of them. Thank you to everybody who's enabled me! I got a DnD cookbook for Christmas-

SAREENA:
Wow.

MELISSA:
-and I could not have been happier, so.

SAREENA:
That's amazing.

MELISSA:
I love that!

SAREENA:
I didn't even imagine like that was a thing, but you know. There we go! Every day is a learning day!

[Laughter from both.]

SAREENA:
For me, I always imagine my dream house would have a rooftop swimming pool as well as a basement swimming pool-

MELISSA:
Yeees!

SAREENA:
And then from the rooftop swimming pool there would be a slide [descending slide whistle sound effect] that takes you to the bottom one, I would have to have slides in my house, like that is just the way to get about.

MELISSA:
Oh please, yes! It's kind of sad to think that my house would actually be decently modest, like I said I just want space for all of my stuff, really.

SAREENA:
Mmm, yeah.

MELISSA:
I'd have fun things though, you know, like a room for my pets if I get multiple pets because I want a lizard really bad! And you know, a good kitchen with an oven that works.

SAREENA:
Yeah. These are not really rich people goals, I feel like these are just what people should have anyway goals.

MELISSA:
No! They're just, you know - creature comforts, that kind of thing.

SAREENA:
Yeah, yeah. Do you have one more question for me?

MELISSA:
[question time chime] I certainly do, and it's very modest in comparison to your fantastical house question.

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
But this is something you can do at home too, so that's kinda why I asked it. But would you rather have wall-to-wall blackout curtains, or would you rather have wall-to-wall windows?

SAREENA:
Ohh.... I'm looking at my window right now. I have not found the perfect room that is literally pitch black when I want to go to sleep, you know?

MELISSA:
Mmhmm.

SAREENA:
There's always cracks of light finding their way through, and they always seem to align themselves perfectly with my eyes when I'm trying to sleep-

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
I'm just like, I have never felt more personally attacked than I do right now. So like a dream of mine probably would be to have THE most perfect blackout blinds or curtains or whatever method it has to be to get that pitch blackness at night to have the ultimate sleep. Buuuut... so are you saying this is the house that I'm in and all the rooms will have these curtains, and then will the windows be small, then?

MELISSA:
Yyyyeah, they're just average-sized, for the blackout curtains one.

SAREENA:
Okay.

MELISSA:
Versus the wall-to-wall is just wherever room that you want, so like... maybe not your living room 'cause I feel like that's asking for trouble, but like a sunroom or something, and it's wall-to-wall windows. Or in like your kitchen or something like that.

SAREENA:
Aaah. 'Cause I do like - I like both of these! Like, when I think of nice houses or people that have built their own houses, and if they have the wall-to-wall windows I just love that. It makes it look bigger, and obviously you just get all that light which is so important and I'm just like 'aww yeeesss'. It always makes it look more modern as well, when they have the big windows. I do like that, but... [stalling noises] So what you're saying if I have the big windows but I will never have adequate blinds for it?

MELISSA:
You'll have decent blinds, they won't shut out all the light, they'll just be kinda like.... yeah, they're there, they're not gonna shut out everything but it's gonna be like ... not sheer, they're okay.

SAREENA:
Okay.

MELISSA:
Whereas blackout curtain, no light, none.

SAREENA:
Hrrrm. 'Cause like, I don't have that now, and I can still- I have to open my wardrobe door to act as a bit of an extra protection-

MELISSA:
Oh no!!

SAREENA:
-to cover where my head is, in the cove where my bed is. So I feel because this is a pursuit that I've always been on, I'm quite creative in the ways of stopping light coming in and actually  letting myself sleep that I think I could just do it if I could get that wall-to-wall window; because then it makes you have the space, it makes you have the light. So in the rare days in the UK when it IS sunny, I'd be able to enjoy it!

[Laughter from both.]

MELISSA:
That's true, your weather is not- is famed for being not great.

SAREENA:
Yeah. Do you know that Scotland on average, in a year, gets less than 1200 hours of sunlight?

MELISSA:
[SHOCK] What?? Really?

SAREENA:
Yeah! A year!

MELISSA:
Wow!

SAREENA:
So I live in London at the moment, so we get an extra hour of sunlight compared to Scotland, but - in the winter, anyway. But it's dark by like half four, so like in Scotland it's dark by like half three! It's just like [wark noise].

MELISSA:
[laughing] My condolences.

SAREENA:
Thank you.

MELISSA:
But again, you do live up north more than where I am, in the most southern part of Canada, so...

SAREENA:
Which is crazy to think.

MELISSA:
Once again, to talk about timezones and things, it's a huge problem in like Iceland, the Arctic Circle-

SAREENA:
Finland.

MELISSA:
Oh my god, I saw a video of this girl showing us her prep for what it's like to- she lives in a really northern part of like Alaska? She showed us the prep of what it's like to take her dog out on a walk. She has to put on like, layers and layers of clothing because it's noon outside and it's already pitch black!

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
And it's like cold, and there's polar bears around so she has to carry a rifle for safety-

SAREENA:
Oh my god.

MELISSA:
-and she has to put a headlamp on, and she has to put lamps on her dog, I'm like oh my god!

SAREENA:
Wow! Yeah.

MELISSA:
Take for granted the few hours of sunlight that you get!

SAREENA:
Exactly, I've probably said before when I went to Norway and went to Tromsø, that's what it was - you had two hours a day of lighter gray and then the rest was just black!

MELISSA:
Dark, yeah.

SAREENA:
I think light's important and I've saying lights for every other question you've said, so... let's keep with that theme, let's go with windows and get some more light in our space.

MELISSA:
I think so too, because again, I also struggle with rooms having to be dark enough to sleep in. My apartment back in my university days, my blinds didn't even cover the entire window so I had to supplement by putting- hanging up shirts, and like-

SAREENA:
Oh my god.

MELISSA:
-scarves and things, so I feel ya. But you're right, though, having that light really does help, and we have a roof- like a skylight in my house, and it's nice to get that little extra patch of sunlight, I'm like 'eeeyy!' It's good to have.

SAREENA:
It is! Wall-to-wall windows, man... I would have that in my rich-person house as well, I would.

MELISSA:
I would have a room for that, to hang out, maybe that's where I would set up my art stuff, or a nice solarium-type place to have plants in, you know?

SAREENA:
Yes. That would be lovely.

MELISSA:
The dream!

SAREENA:
Mmm!

MELISSA:
[soft chiming music throughout] Okay! And with that, it looks like it's time for the Self-Care Sign-Off. Funny that we've been talking about light basically this whole episode, because that's what the sign-off is for today too. Now, we may not all be rich, we may not all have that option to install wall-to-wall windows, but just a simple trick is even if you just pull the blinds. Just get some light in there, it gives you a chance to breathe, gets you some of that vitamin D.

If you're living somewhere where the weather allows for it, even open a window. Just a little bit, just a crack, even, just to get some fresh air. It helps, gives you a moment to breathe. You don't have to go full Marie Kondo on your house, but even just tidying a little bit with that window open, with the blinds up, it does help. Also, unclench your jaw.

And with that, that is the end of our second episode! So, time for the wrap-up - we can be reached at curriedchipsandpoutine@gmail.com if you've got some home decorating tips too, I know people have been getting really creative over the course of the lockdown, with what they've been doing at home in transforming their space. We'd love to hear more tips!

We also have recently set up a ko-fi! So if you'd like to buy us a ko-fi, it'd just be a way to kind of give us some financial support, we would appreciate that - you can donate however much you like, one time, kind of like a tip to be like 'hey, we like what you're doing'. We also have our Redbubble shop, that's gonna be linked in our comments, on the Linktree on our instagram. If you'd like to buy some merch to also support us, we would love it. You can get some really good quality t-shirts and home decorations, like that wall clock!

SAREENA:
Eh? Eh?

MELISSA:
We're still waiting, someone needs to get that wall clock! And if you do get something, tag us on instagram, we'll give you a shoutout, and we appreciate you guys so much. We're all in this together! Let's share all the home decorating tips we can! We love you, we appreciate you, thank you so much for listening.

BOTH:
Bye!

[Fresh beats for the outro music as it fades out.]