CC&P 13: Nature Calls, and They're Louder Than You Think

[Cheery but relaxing digital intro music.]

SAREENA:
Hellooo, my favourite fried potatoes! How are we doing today on the 3rd episode of seasoning 2 of CC & P? I’m doing well, thank you for asking! Melissa, do you know what ponies, whales and trees all have in common?

MELISSA:
Iiiiiii have no clue?

SAREENA:
They’re all outside, in nature! And that’s what we’re going to be nattering on about today! Nature, au naturale, the great outdoors! Because going out for a walk is one of the very limited things we can still do in lockdown, and it’s good for the soul! Also, if you need some funnies, feel free to check out our insta page for some top quality memes, and if you’re enjoying our content feel free to buy us a Ko-fi, which is basically a smol donation to support us! All of our links are in the insta bio but enough of that, let’s get our steps in! Melissa, do you wanna start us off?

MELISSA:
[laughing] Yes, let's do that. Oh my god, getting steps in, that's funny. Haven't heard that word in a while.

SAREENA:
[laughing too] Reach for the stars! [to the tune of S Club 7's "Reach"]

MELISSA:
Do-do-do-do-~ Climb every mountain higher! [also to that tune] I had their CD, don't judge. [question time twinkle] All right, so let's start off on the more extreme side of nature then, huh-

SAREENA:
Oh god, I was banking on you being the nice nature, but yeah, fine! Let's do it!

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
I'm gonna close off with a nice one, we'll leave it at that. But let's start off with a bang, huh? Sareena, my dear...

SAREENA:
Yes?

MELISSA:
Would you rather yodel at the top of an active volcano? Or would you rather sing 'Yellow Submarine' in a submarine that's deep underwater?

SAREENA:
[the laughter keeps going] Oh my gosh. The yodeling reminds me of a Cards Against Humanity round that we had, I don't know if you can remember it?

MELISSA:
Okay.

SAREENA:
I mean it was obviously quite a while ago now, but I think I will take yodeling at the top of an active volcano, because at least - at least no one else will be around to hear it.

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
I'm not quite sure I could - I was gonna say 'sail', but you can't sail a submarine, um-

MELISSA:
No, you cannot.

SAREENA:
You can't drive it either, what do you do?

MELISSA:
Pilot, I guess? ...Right?

SAREENA:
That doesn't sound right either! Swim, I'm gonna swim- I don't think I can swim the submarine all by myself, so... I think active volcano, and plus seeing a volcano, active or not, is something I would like to do, so yeah. Let's go with that one!

MELISSA:
I'm surprised, though - I've actually been to a dormant volcano before, I'm surprised you haven't, considering you are WAY more outdoorsy than I am.

SAREENA:
I mean, yeah? I don't really count dormant volcanoes, you know, Edinburgh Castle is on a dormant volcano, and-

MELISSA:
Oh no, it is!

SAREENA:
Yeah, and I have been to New Zealand and Auckland's full of volcanoes. But I mean... I don't know, I guess in my mind being near an active one is kind of cool, or maybe not - people have been near them, I don't know?

MELISSA:
I don't know, I mean, again, I've only experienced- I didn't realize Edinburgh Castle, that one is actually on a volcano, so okay that's two volcanoes I've been to then.

SAREENA:
But they seem quite tame, don't they?

MELISSA:
Yeah? But the other one I went to actually looks like a volcano because there isn't a dirty great castle on top of it-

SAREENA:
[SHOCK] Dirty?? How dare you!

MELISSA:
I've been to the dungeons, I know how dirty it is! [laughing] But I'm sure you've been to- it was when I was living in South Korea, some of my friends lived on Jeju-do, the island? So I went to visit them-

SAREENA:
Ohhhhh!

MELISSA:
-and we went to the volcano, and it was very cool. It was super green, I think it's a registered UNESCO site or something, it was beautiful.

SAREENA:
Oh! Yes, no I have been there, yes yes yes. But I guess, you know, the classic triangle-shaped volcano with some smoke coming out of the top  of it, that's usually what I imagine... and it's quite hard to come by on my state-mandated walks.

MELISSA:
Yeah, that's true also.

SAREENA:
But yeah. If I can yodel anywhere, why not from the top of an active volcano?

[Laughter from both.]

MELISSA:
I think that'd actually be pretty cool too. I mean initially I was like, 'aw man, I could go on a submarine and see what's down there, wave hi to the Kraken out the 6-inch glass window. But you know. Maybe I'll find that octopus' garden that Ringo's always singing about, who knows!

SAREENA:
So would you join me at the top of the volcano?

MELISSA:
Honestly, I think I would. As much as I would love to explore the deep sea, maybe not if there's Beatles fanatics in there, so. I just thought that was, y'know, topical.

SAREENA:
Yeah. And you would have to repeat songs at some stage, you know, depending on how far down you go.

MELISSA:
Yeah...

SAREENA:
Let's go with the volcano.

MELISSA:
Yeah!

SAREENA:
Yeah, nice!

MELISSA:
Off with an exploding bang, eh? [explosion sound effect]

SAREENA:
Yeah! I also have a question about a volcano but I might put that down the line and say something else?

MELISSA:
[laughing] Okay.

SAREENA:
[question time twinkle] But my first question is... would you rather find a one-of-a-kind fossil on the beach?

MELISSA:
Ooooh.

SAREENA:
Or an ancient wood carving in the forest?

MELISSA:
Ooooh. Oooh, I like that! I'm probably gonna go with the beach, because if I find a wood carving in the forest, it is probably cursed.

SAREENA:
[cracking up]

[Low, ominous haunting music plays as Melissa speaks again.]

MELISSA:
There is probably some magic there that will curse me somehow if I even look at it funny with ill intent of any sort.

SAREENA:
Yeah, some bad juju there.

MELISSA:
Yeah! Don't wanna risk it!

SAREENA:
That's a perspective I did not have on the wood carving.

MELISSA:
Really?

SAREENA:
Yeah, I mean, I think it'd be cool, 'cause it'd obviously be in line with cave paintings, and that kind of thing, so I thought 'oh, you know, it'd be pretty cool, maybe it's a sign of an older time', but the fossil on the beach - I think it's difficult to find, because the sea's always moving; but if you find it, I feel like it was meant to be, 'cause it could be anywhere. It could be in the sea and just have been on the beach before, but then dredged out before someone could find it, so I feel finding the fossil would be more of a challenge, and just a bit more special I think.

MELISSA:
That's true. For the record, I live by a lake, and when we were younger we'd walk there all the time and we would actually look for fossils; 'cause there you find much smaller ones, like obviously on a much, much smaller scale, you know, like half an inch wide at most.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Sometimes you do find fossils, imprints of shells and things in the rocks, and we used to collect them and take them home. So finding a big one, I think, would just make my whole year, that'd be super cool!

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
But you're right, I mean, finding one that's not already been picked up by somebody, or finding a really big one I think would just be super cool.

SAREENA:
Mmhmm. I mean, that's what we have in the south... west of England and the Isle of Wight, there's- we've got the Jurassic coast where you- where fossils tend to be found.

MELISSA:
Ohh, okay!

SAREENA:
And, you know, the idea of 'dinosaurs used to roam there!' so that's quite exciting, so finding like a proper one would be 'aaaaaah!' You know?

MELISSA:
That would be super cool, yeah.

SAREENA:
Proof of the Sareenasaurus and all that. [laughing]

MELISSA:
What do you mean, 'proof of the Sareenasaurus'? I'm talking to it right now!

SAREENA:
Yes it's true.

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
"She thrives on a diet of Nando's and ice cream..."

SAREENA:
Yeah... not even a lie. [more cracking up] But things to consider for after the podcast. Hmmm....

MELISSA:
I'm just enabling your habit, I'm sorry!

SAREENA:
Don't be. Don't be!

MELISSA:
I WON'T!

SAREENA:
What'd you got, other than takeaway suggestions?

MELISSA:
Well! We could go on about that more, but - [question time twinkle] - onto my next question! Back to the nature theme, so! Sareena, I know you love your plants.

SAREENA:
Yes?

MELISSA:
So would you rather be able to hear and understand plants talking?

SAREENA:
Oooh!

MELISSA:
Or would you rather be able to hear and understand animals talking? And this does include insects.

SAREENA:
Oh god. [cracks up]

MELISSA:
I had to put that in because I know you would've gone for that.

SAREENA:
Yeah, I was like 'oh give me the animals!' But insects... I could just imagine like, in summer the mosquitoes going about and you just hear 'mm-mm, time for dinner~ bzzzzz' and I'm like 'no! I don't want to hear that!' [laughs]

MELISSA:
Or they're all buzzing in your ear, just like 'hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.'  [low buzzing sound effect throughout]

SAREENA:
Yeah, exactly!

MELISSA:
But then you could talk to a stray cat!

SAREENA:
I could talk to a stray cat, and - I mean, I talk to stray cats anyway.

MELISSA:
This is true.

SAREENA:
'Hey! Hey! Let me pet you!' I think I might be struck more by the rejection if I could understand what they're saying.

[More cracking up.]

SAREENA:
'But you're so pretty! Come back!!'

MELISSA:
'Please!'

SAREENA:
Oof, that's a hard one! 'Cause like, plants, of course I've got Susan, Rihanna and I've got Alanna now-

MELISSA:
Alanna, okay!

SAREENA:
Yeah, Alanna the aloe vera, who's replaced Alan. So it'd be cool to speak to them, because obviously they're in my living area, so, you know, I wouldn't technically be alone 'cause I could speak to them all the time.

MELISSA:
Yes.

SAREENA:
And it'd be cool, you could also talk to trees while you're out on your walk, and trees have been around obviously for ages-

MELISSA:
Yes!

SAREENA:
Like, the same tree, not the concept of trees.

[Both burst into laughter.]

MELISSA:
I mean, that too, right?

SAREENA:
So, it'd be really interesting to talk to a tree and be like, 'what have you seen? Have you moved at all? Has the earth shifted and taken the tree with it as well?'

MELISSA:
Right.

SAREENA:
'Cause I've been listening to an audiobook about trees, and it says if you see squint trees - they're basically trees that have been growing at an angle - it's not that the tree is growing at an angle, it's that its roots were flat at one time but the earth has moved.

MELISSA:
Oh! Really?

SAREENA:
And so the tree is still continuing to grow upwards from its original spot, but the land around it has moved in some way, which is quite cool.

MELISSA:
That's very cool.

SAREENA:
So normally I totally would go with animals, but because you've included insects in there - oh god, just summer, and especially in Scotland you get all the midgies-

MELISSA:
Ugh, the worst!

SAREENA:
I'd feel like a dinner platter, you know, waiting for them!

[More cracking up.]

SAREENA:
You know, my sweet Scottish blood, so.

MELISSA:
Oh my god.

SAREENA:
I think on this instance I will take plants!

MELISSA:
Man! I'm just trying to imagine listening to the insects talking, and I'm like 'do you know how much people hate you, mosquitoes? Do you? Hmm?' I feel like they might, but you know.

SAREENA:
Yeah, they do it anyway, they gotta eat. I remember in Korea, I went to stay over with a friend, and you know, obviously Korea's a hot country, mosquitoes everywhere all the time-

MELISSA:
Oh my goodness, yes.

SAREENA:
And you hear them buzzing so close to you at night, that's the worst thing, you hear them going 'zzzzzzzzzz'.

MELISSA:
Yeah! Ugh.

SAREENA:
'Zzznnnnnnnyyyymmm- this, this person here-' Amazingly, I'd stayed over and I had heard the mosquitoes but had managed to sleep, and when I woke up in the morning I couldn't open one of my eyelids-

MELISSA:
[horrified] Oh no!!

SAREENA:
-and I'm like, 'what is going on??' So obviously, in a panic, went to the bathroom and then saw that my right eye had swollen because a mosquito had bitten it!

MELISSA:
Oh my god, that's so bad!

SAREENA:
I was like 'AAAGH', I was so mad! And then I found it chilling in the bathroom because it was so full of my blood, and then I squished it - [splat sound effect] - and it felt really good to squish it, I'm not going to lie. And I was like 'take that!'

MELISSA:
Oh my god.

SAREENA:
If you need a quick relief from insect bites, aloe vera's really good, so that's what my friend did. She chopped off a bit of her aloe vera plant and I just had that on my eye, and then had ice on it, and then just wore sunglasses for the rest of the day!

MELISSA:
Oh my god, you poor thing. 'Cause you know, it's very similar, in Vietnam it's obviously super hot and humid all the time there, and I went to go visit my family that lives there. And you have to put up those mosquito nets up at nighttime, otherwise you will get eaten alive.

SAREENA:
Yeah, it's the same in Pakistan as well. When we used to take family trips out there, I would go with my brother, and if we were in the same room I would be fine, because the mosquitoes would all go to him.

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
So he was like my natural mosquito repellant.

MELISSA:
Oh no!

SAREENA:
But now that I travel on my own I don't have such ... organic repellant with me all the time.

MELISSA:
You know what, come to think of it it's the same thing, I don't know what they prefer, but my cousin - my poor cousin - whenever we go camping, they all flock to him. He racks 'em up by the dozen by like the first day, I'm like 'you poor dude'.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
There is also scientific evidence that if you've eaten bananas or something, you're also more attractive to mosquitoes, so hey! You might wanna put that nanner down.

SAREENA:
Yeah, save that potassium for later. But, quick tip, if you don't have aloe vera on hand, or if you don't have any soothing creams, you can use roll-on deodorant over the bites as well.

MELISSA:
Really?

SAREENA:
Yeah, the alcohol in the deodorant actually helps a lot with the itching, so-

MELISSA:
Ohhhhh.

SAREENA:
If you're ever stuck, just roll on over!

MELISSA:
Oh my god, I - mmm. I don't really use roll-on deodorant, just the stick type - that doesn't count, that's not the same, I'm assuming?

SAREENA:
Uh, yes, I guess so? Is that what you call them in your country?

MELISSA:
It's like the white pasty stick, you click at the bottom and it goes up. Is that not the same thing as roll-on? 'Cause roll-on is like a ball and it rolls over.

SAREENA:
Yeah, 'cause the ball is like liquid?

MELISSA:
Yeah!

SAREENA:
It's got like the liquid deodorant-

MELISSA:
Oh I see.

SAREENA:
-that has the alcohol in it, I don't know what is in the solid bar of your stick deodorant.

MELISSA:
I will say, this is a cultural difference right here because roll-on deodorants are not as popular here.

SAREENA:
Really?

MELISSA:
Yes. It's a lot harder to find, and only select brands have them, so stick deodorant is waaay more common, stick deodorants and sprays.

SAREENA:
Aaah!

MELISSA:
Don't go blasting yourself with Axe if you have mosquito bites, please don't do that.

SAREENA:
No! [laughing] Oh god!

MELISSA:
[also laughing] We are not medical professionals, but we know that blasting yourself with Axe is a bad idea even if you DON'T have mosquito bites!

SAREENA:
Yeah!

[Laughter from both sides.]

MELISSA:
Just- could you imagine, like 'thanks for the meal! Just gonna go digest this in the bathroom, see ya!'

SAREENA:
It would be easier to locate and kill them, but-

MELISSA:
[cracks up]

SAREENA:
I can't with that extra stress, so yeah, I'm gonna talk to Susan and Rihanna and Alanna instead, it's fine.

MELISSA:
Yeah, I'd just be like, to a plant, 'hey how's it going?', they're just like [plant voice] 'It's a livin'.'

SAREENA:
Or they're like 'water me please'!

MELISSA:
'I'm so thirsty!!' [question time twinkle] All right, so Sareena, what's your next question?

SAREENA:
My next question! So obviously you're going round to the park because the park is the only place you can go... the local park, I will add, not just like a park miles and miles away from you - stay local, everybody.

MELISSA:
Yes!

SAREENA:
So when I go for my walks, there's always two very common animals I always see, and one of them is a robin, and the others are squirrels. So whilst you're on your walk, would you rather have a robin land on your hand, or a squirrel offer you a nut?

MELISSA:
Uhhhh.... I'm gonna answer the question first and then I've got stories.

SAREENA:
Ooh! Okay!

MELISSA:
So both of these situations I've experienced in reverse, as it were, going into-

SAREENA:
Did you land on the robin's hand? What??

MELISSA:
I did not! So - okay, I will go with the robin landing on my hand, but I don't know if I told you this story. So again, back when I was in South Korea, I was teaching, the kids - I could hear my kids freaking out in the hallway, they were like 'teacher! TEACHER!!' I'm like 'oh my god, what is it?' There was a bird that had actually gotten in through the window, and it was flying around in the halls of the school-

SAREENA:
Ohh! Yeah, yeah.

MELISSA:
-and they were freaking out, they didn't know what to do and also they were like.... 9. So I had to approach it and I actually managed to grab it in both my hands really quickly - gently, 'cause I don't want to scare it, right - and then I kind of took it to the window and let it out. [magical sparkling sound effect] I was like, 'wow, my real-life disney princess moment....'

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
So there's that. And also, in regards to the squirrel thing - I know it's bad, don't feed the wildlife, but a camping ground that I used to go to with my family, we'd go summer camping and stuff - they were- the squirrels and chipmunks were friendly enough that if you had peanuts for them, they would just come up to your hands and just take it, sit in front of you for a bit, eat it, and then run away. So I've done that - I wouldn't take one from the squirrel, 'cause god knows where that's been, but-

SAREENA:
Just imagine it as a cute interaction of your day, like 'oh look, it's holding out a nut for me!' You can either take it or you can hold out your hand and a robin's like 'hey girl'.

[Both laughing.]

MELISSA:
No, going with the robin. I like the idea of it being like 'hay gurl'.

SAREENA:
'Hey girl hey, how's it hanging?'

MELISSA:
'I'ma sit here and chill for a bit, you're cool with that.'

SAREENA:
But the squirrels at the park are actually really chill, they'll be walking over the path and I'll stop and let it walk over the path, and then I'll continue.

MELISSA:
Yes.

SAREENA:
But I really like robins, their song is really beautiful and I can always tell that it's a robin that's nearby.

MELISSA:
Aaah!

SAREENA:
So pretty!

MELISSA:
Yeah, because we have in our backyard a very, very active birdfeeder so we get all manner of birds coming by. Occasionally we'll see a cardinal or a bluejay or a robin - [sparkly 'wow!' sound effect] - and we'll be like 'oh! Oh! Colourful bird in the background!' and point it out and take all the pictures, you know.

SAREENA:
Yeah. That sounds awesome, but do you ever get a non-bird going into the birdfeeder?

MELISSA:
Yes, the squirrels try valiantly.

SAREENA:
[laughs]

MELISSA:
The way this one works, it's a weird sort of hanging birdfeeder-type thing, it's hung in a way that squirrels can't actually get to it, so they try. Oh my god, do they try.... We also get raccoons, which I'm a lot less enthused about.

SAREENA:
But they're so cute! When I lived in California I always heard them banging around at night, obviously searching for food, but I never saw one during the day-

MELISSA:
Well-

SAREENA:
-for realsies. But then you sent me a picture of one just hanging out your back door!

MELISSA:
Yeah, that is unusual! To be fair they don't normally come out during the day, so the fact that this one was not only out and about during the day, but napping on my back door, chilling, rolling over, doing the belly up thing, I'm like 'oh my god, is this thing all right? Do I need to call Animal Control?' It turned out to be fine, by the way, it just rolled around for a little bit, napped and then ran away, but.

SAREENA:
It was trying to imitate a cat and hopefully you would let it in and then it could raid all your cupboards.

MELISSA:
Absolutely not! You see those little hands, those little raccoon hands?? I don't trust 'em!

[Both laughing.]

SAREENA:
They're so cute, though...

MELISSA:
I don't trust- I trust them as far as I could throw them, and I'm not gonna throw a raccoon.

SAREENA:
Please don't. I don't want to have to call Animal Control.

MELISSA:
[cracking up] You're not calling them for the raccoon, you're calling them for ME!

SAREENA:
I know! That's like animal police, right? 'Police! Help!'

MELISSA:
'Arrest that girl!'

SAREENA:
'Yeah, she's assaulting that raccoon, stop her!'

MELISSA:
I am not! 'Cause I do remember, again - oh, I'm just thinking a lot about Korea this episode - but we went to an amusement park and it had a little miniature zoo, and it had squirrels. I was like '.....huh, they don't really have squirrels much in Korea, do they?'

SAREENA:
No. So everyone's nature is a bit different.

MELISSA:
Yes!

SAREENA:
Do you get foxes at all?

MELISSA:
Not where I am. Although certain parts of my city you do get groundhogs a lot, so...

SAREENA:
Oh! Wow! That's cool. But have you ever heard a fox noise?

MELISSA:
I have seen videos, I've never actually encountered one in real life.

SAREENA:
Well, you don't have to encounter them in real life here, but you will if you live in the UK.

MELISSA:
Really?

SAREENA:
Yeah, so during, kind of- autumn? Summer? Summer, autumn? Anyway, outside in the dark they make the most horrendous noises, it sounds like demons.

[Soundclip of an actual fox making actual fox sounds, which is scream-laughing like it's going out of style.]

SAREENA:
When I first came to London, I was like 'WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT GHOULS OF THE NIGHT LIVE HERE?' And the screeching is just from the foxes, and it's horrible! And sometimes I can't sleep, because, you know, they've got a few of them having it out outside, and you're like 'stop, please! Please stop, oh my god!'

Yeah, they're pretty scary... but I do remember walking to my train station, one early morning but it was still dark 'cause it was winter - and I was like- I remember seeing something looking at me and I'm like, 'that's a funny looking cat'...

MELISSA:
[cracks up]

SAREENA:
Then I opened my eyes a bit more and I'm like 'oh wait, that's a fox' and it just looked at me, and I looked at it, then it crossed the road and I was like 'kay. Cool, bro'.

MELISSA:
It was the setup to a perfect joke, Sareena. Why did the fox cross the road? Come on! You HAVE the answer!!

SAREENA:
To run away from me, thanks.

MELISSA:
To run away from you, yeah. 'Cause I've never encountered a fox in the wild, but up in cottage country I think they're more common? But one thing you hear a lot up in cottage country is loons, you hear loons calling at night.

SAREENA:
What's a loon?

MELISSA:
A bird, and also a crazy person.

SAREENA:
It's also what you call a one dollar?

MELISSA:
Yes, so the one dollar coin is called the loonie, because there's a loon on it, actually. If you ever get the chance to look at what a loonie looks like there's a loon on it. They're water-dwelling birds and the thing about them is that they are very loud, their call is very distinct. And it's quite loud, also, so at nighttime you can hear them like 'woooo'- I can't do it.

[Sound clip of a loon call, which starts off low before rising to a louder, higher and kind of warbling call.]

SAREENA:
[laughing at Melissa's rendition]

MELISSA:
But they're very distinct calls, look them up on youtube, just 'loon calls'. And if you look at them from underneath their legs are so far back, it is comical the way these birds are made - you know what a sitting duck looks like, right?

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
How it's a loaf shape with their little leggies underneath, right? The loon's legs are pretty much coming out of the butt end, but like....

SAREENA:
Ohhhh.

MELISSA:
... I can't visualize it- I can't tell you what it looks like, but just look them up, they're very silly looking.

SAREENA:
Okay. But do they sound like demons of the night, or do they have nice calls?

MELISSA:
It's kind of like - it's a little spooky, kind of like low and mournful sounding but still quite loud, like 'wooOOOO'? So like an owl, but... different, I guess?

SAREENA:
Okay, yeah.

MELISSA:
You'll have to- yeah, I can't describe it, sorry.

SAREENA:
[tries a loon impression]

MELISSA:
Not quite like that, but! Ah, the wildlife of our respective countries....

SAREENA:
So nature.

[Laughter from both sides.]

SAREENA:
What ya got? What's next?

MELISSA:
[question time twinkle] All right, last question. So this is the nice one, Sareena, you're welcome-

SAREENA:
Oh yay!

MELISSA:
Okay, so - would you rather have every sunrise you see is absolutely gorgeous? Or would you rather see the aurora borealis every night?

SAREENA:
So, do these things still happen and retain their beauty if I don't necessarily wake up to see the sunrise, or if I happen to go to bed particularly early?

MELISSA:
Yeah, they'll still happen regardless of whether or not you see them. It just so happens that whenever you wake up early, you're like 'oh, I'm actually up early enough to see the sun' and it'll always be beautiful.

SAREENA:
Aww. I mean, I have been lucky enough to see the auroras- borre- oh god, I can't even say it, I have been lucky enough to see the Northern Lights-

[Both crack up.]

SAREENA:
-when I took a trip to Iceland, and they're pretty spectacular when they're out dancing, it's amazing. I guess because it's always so sought after, you know, it's a thing that people always look for, and the conditions have to be right for the lights to be out that I think there's more of an attraction to be able to see them. Because with the sunrise, sunrises are always kind of beautiful - you know, sunrise, sunset, when you see it and take the time, I think they're always beautiful anyway. So I can't imagine how it could be even more beautiful!

[Both laughing.]

SAREENA:
So... I will go with the Northern Lights, I think that will be pretty special.

MELISSA:
Yeah. I'm very jealous, because I haven't seen the Northern Lights in person. I've seen some beautiful sunrises, don't get me wrong, but the Northern Lights I want to see it, I just am not happy with the idea of trekking up somewhere where there's no light pollution, aka somewhere where it's very cold.

SAREENA:
Yeah. But, we can both see the Northern Lights from our own countries, like if I went up to the northernmost points of Scotland I'd be able to see it, it's on a- it's on a shelf? Scotland, Greenland and Iceland are all on this particular shelf because they're so north and it helps them see-

MELISSA:
Yes, okay.

SAREENA:
-see the lights a bit better. But yeah, you can go north and see the lights too, but yeah it would be cold.

MELISSA:
Yeah... the more northern parts of Ontario I haven't been to, but I don't know if you can go- 'cause where I am anyways, Ontario's one of the more southern provinces in Canada anyway so you'd have to go up quite far north, I think, to be able to see them?

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
And like I have friends who live in like the Yukon, and my sister lives in B.C., and I don't know if they've seen them either, I should probably ask. But the Yukon for sure, I'm pretty sure you can see them from there.

SAREENA:
Yeah, I think so, they're just more north than where you are, you can see them, and I think- I feel B.C., Vancouver-way you should be able to see them as well?

MELISSA:
Mmhmm.

SAREENA:
At some points, or maybe you have to go more north. More north!

MELISSA:
More north! From 'oop north', yes. [laughing]

SAREENA:
But yeah, Northern Lights all day every day. But not all day, only nighttime.

MELISSA:
Yes. Same thing, I am not a morning person, even if it's to catch a beautiful sunrise - [voice drops to a stage whisper] I am not a morning person.

SAREENA:
Yeah. To make the most of that power I would definitely take the Northern Lights.

MELISSA:
Yes, absolutely.

SAREENA:
[question time twinkle] So I've got like a range of questions, I don't know... I just don't know which one to go for, Melissa, what are you feeling? Tell me!

MELISSA:
I don't know, surprise me! How would you like to end the episode? No pressure there.

SAREENA:
Yeah, right?

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
'Cause I've got one that's kind of like 'eh', I've got ones that are more 'ah'....

MELISSA:
Surprise me!

SAREENA:
I know... I won't go with my volcano one because we've already had a volcano, so... do-do-doo-do-doot-doo~ let's go with this one! So, would you rather have an underwater base-

MELISSA:
[GASP]

SAREENA:
-or a base on top of a snowy mountain?

MELISSA:
[immediately] Underwater.

SAREENA:
All right then.

[Both cracking up.]

SAREENA:
And there we have it, everybody! Episode's closed, see ya!

MELISSA:
I mean, you've heard my opinions on snow! If it was gay snow, yes, sure, I would love to have a mountaintop base. But as it stands, no! I didn't go in the submarine, so I'm gonna have a base underwater then.

SAREENA:
[laughing] Yeah, I would take snowy mountain, like.... underwater is amazing, yes, but all that pressure won't be good for your ears.

MELISSA:
I mean, that's fair.

SAREENA:
But I think there's still an aversion to the deep ocean that I have - [underwater bubbling sound effect] - and I don't want to live my life there because there's not that much separating you from, uh... death.

MELISSA:
[cracking up] Well, same thing with the mountain! There's not much separating you from the elements, Sareena.

SAREENA:
But I feel more okay with that! I feel like there's more openness around, you'd be like 'I have a slight possibility of postponing death for like, a minute'.

MELISSA:
I mean - hang on, so is the ocean base the deep, dark ocean? Or is it something like an ocean floor near like - in a tropical sea somewhere? Do I get to choose?

SAREENA:
Uhh... I'll say it's deep enough that it's still pleasant, but if you look to one particular side of the base, you're like open, deep ocean, you're like 'ah okay, mmhmm'!

MELISSA:
Oh man. That does complicate things a little, because is it like- oh my god is it like the Treedome from SpongeBob? Do I have- is it like trees and stuff in there but it's just in a big dome?

SAREENA:
...I mean, I don't watch SpongeBob, I feel you're like the second person to have asked me a SpongeBob reference and I'm like 'I don't know, I just don't watch it I'm sorry!!'

MELISSA:
Dang it, all right!

SAREENA:
I'm imagining- you've seen Finding Nemo, right?

MELISSA:
Yes.

SAREENA:
Okay, so you know, they have their nice little reef but then it just... drops off.

MELISSA:
Ohhh. If that's the case then oh yeah, 'cause that's temperate enough that I wouldn't have to worry, I think.

SAREENA:
But it's a bit- it's a bit not as nice as Finding Nemo, 'cause Finding Nemo is like 'whoooo fish everywhere!'

MELISSA:
Yes.

[Laughter from both sides.]

SAREENA:
But, you know. You've got a side of the house that you might feel uncomfortable being in. [more laughing]

MELISSA:
I dunno, I mean... aaah, 'cause I don't like snow, the idea of living somewhere where it's cold and snowy all the time as opposed to most of the time...

SAREENA:
Yeah, that's true, but imagine the views!

[Crickets chirping sound effect.]

MELISSA:
I'm imagining the views, you're not selling it to me!

[Both cracking up.]

SAREENA:
The silence says it all. [even more laughing] I'm imagining it and the underwater base kind of being like - have you ever seen the terrible film The Meg?

MELISSA:
No, I haven't. You've ranted to me at length about it, though.

SAREENA:
So The Meg is about the megalodon, so obviously what the great white shark used to be before it downsized-

MELISSA:
[bursts out laughing]

SAREENA:
-my auntie was like 'here! Watch The Meg before you go shark diving!' and I was like 'kay'.

MELISSA:
Oh my god, why would she do that to you?

SAREENA:
I mean, the Meg doesn't look like how the shark I saw looks, so it's fine. But there's a scene, 'caue they obviously go to their underwater base for, you know, very scientific research on the Meg-

MELISSA:
Yes.

SAREENA:
And there is a point where you do see it coming towards the base, and there's also the scene in Godzilla (the last one that just came out), and Godzilla's just swimming very slowly up to the base and he's doing all of his flashing lights on his back and stuff; and I'm like, I love Godzilla but I'm a bit worried right now! So I'm kind of imagining that.

MELISSA:
Oh, true. Could you just imagine the instagram posts if I lived there?

SAREENA:
[camera shutter noises] "Takin' a selfie with Godzilla!"

[Both laughing.]

MELISSA:
"Gotta catch my good side!" That'd be fun!

SAREENA:
Uh-huh!

MELISSA:
So I'm just living out my Subnautica dreams, is what you're telling me.

SAREENA:
Pretty much, yes. Having played Subnautica I set up a base somewhere that I thought was fine - and then a leviathan reaper, the shadow of it, I could see it from my base so I was like 'if it stays away that's fine!' and it gradually just came closer and closer and then it was like.... took up residence swimming over my base and I was like 'welp! Time to move!'

MELISSA:
[laughing] Oh, it adds some flavour to things, doesn't it?

SAREENA:
It does. And you know, you've been out, getting all your resources and you just want to come back to your safe base where you can take off your wetsuits and things and it's just there, like 'raarrrgrhrghrh'!

MELISSA:
[fish voice] 'Oh hullo!'

SAREENA:
I'm like, okaaaay! You can have it now, Mr. Leviathan, goodbye!

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
It's like 'well, it's a brand new home! All yours for the price of letting me leave with my life.'

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
I'll still stick with it though, because I mean - as much as it scares me I still want to visit the depths, as it were.

SAREENA:
I'll take the snowy mountain, because I think the views, I just think it's stunning. Every time when I'm in a video game or something, and I get to go up in the mountains with the snow and stuff, I'm like 'it's so pretty!'

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
That's where I take all my screenshots.

MELISSA:
I mean, it sure is beautiful and the snow sparkles in the sunlight, but at what cost?!

SAREENA:
The feeling in your hands and feet.

MELISSA:
Yes. All of your extremities, gone!

SAREENA:
Yeah, that's true. But I have a slight suspicion that this may not happen locally when people are going on their walks, but you know...

MELISSA:
I mean... I live by a lake, not an ocean. It's already my greatest failing, but, you know.

SAREENA:
And I live on an island, so we've just got oodles of ocean around us.

MELISSA:
That's true.

SAREENA:
But we do have lots of robins and squirrels, so I will hold out the possibility a robin might choose me as its perch, one day.

MELISSA:
It'll choose you over a tree, a tree that's talking to you about how this robin sat in his hair and wouldn't leave.

SAREENA:
That'd be amazing, that's quite fun. [laughing] I think people should do that anyway, go out and talk to nature.

MELISSA:
Well, to an extent, I suppose. You're communing with nature anyways, it's fine, you don't need to talk with them.

SAREENA:
'Hello nature, how are you today?' and then it's just like, a bird poops on you. 'No, nature, no!'

MELISSA:
I was gonna say, it responds with like a flash flood.

SAREENA:
Oh no!

MELISSA:
'It's raining sideways because you asked it a question! How could you do this?' Ugh. Awful.

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
[soft chiming music playing throughout] On that note, it is time for the Self-Care Sign-Off. Now, a fun thing you can do at home is go to window-swap.com - it's very cool because you can kind of see- you open a window somewhere else around the world. And you can travel from home that way, you can see what nature looks like in another part of the world. When I clicked on it today, it took me to Moscow, I saw a great view out there; it took me to Mumbai, India, all sorts of really cool ways to broaden your world view.

If you want to email us a picture of your window, you can drop us a line at our email address, which is curriedchipsandpoutine@gmail.com. If you want to support us in other ways, we also have our insta page, and on there there's a linktree which'll take you to our ko-fi, if you'd like to buy us a ko-fi - toss a little something in our tip jar, we would appreciate that so much. We also have a Redbubble store! If you want to buy some art, I personally would be over the moon to see somebody wearing one of our t-shirts! We love you, we appreciate you, thank you so much.

BOTH:
Byeeee!

[Outro music.]