CC&P 14: Making A Big Dill about Takeaways

[Intro music.]

SAREENA:
Hey there, my favourite fried potatoes! It's us, Curried Chips & Poutine! Two essential foods from our respective nations. Now, we may have hinted here and there that we might be foodies, but how can you know for sure? Well, I think we can clear any doubts by doing a whole episode. I think we can all agree that food has many faces; it can be personal, cultural but most importantly, delicious! So we’re going to make sure we talk about food more often... so no change on how we record any of our episodes, then. Hopefully everyone has recovered from the horrors of last week’s nature episode... my gosh, loons are creepy!

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
And it seems from our Insta poll most of you would rather take up residence in the great blue... well, say hi to Godzilla for me! But just in case you need some TLC we are going to be discussing in great detail our love of takeaways.

Fun fact: both Melissa and I’s families work in the food industry, and I have had the utter pleasure to dine with Melissa in her family’s wonderful restaurant, and when the new normal hits us up I will be taking Melissa to try out my dad’s peri peri chicken. And no, Melissa, you can’t get out of this one!

MELISSA:
Why would I want to get out of this one? It sounds delicious!

SAREENA:
Good, I was just making sure. I want the people to think that you have a choice, but you don't.

MELISSA:
Look, I'm far from complaining here, if I get to a) go all the way back to Scotland, and b) get to have delicious chicken, then win-win for me!

SAREENA:
Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

MELISSA:
Ugh, get out of here.

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
... I should've written down more food puns for this, it would've been great. I'm sure they'll come up.

SAREENA:
They'll naturally spring from us, so I wouldn't worry. But I think you started us off last week?

MELISSA:
I did, yes, 'cause you were like, 'oh no, what a way to start off the episode with a terrible bang on a volcano!'

SAREENA:
That's right, I was banking on you being nice, and did that happen? No!

MELISSA:
You presume much for me to start things off nicely!

SAREENA:
I know... I just want us to be a feel-good podcast, but you know.

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
Hey, I feel good.

SAREENA:
[disgruntled noise] But I will kick us off this time.

MELISSA:
All right!

SAREENA:
[question time twinkle] So, would you rather always receive your food slightly too cold, or have it always be greasy?

MELISSA:
Oh, really? Depending on what it is?

SAREENA:
Just regardless, it'll either be kinda lukewarm, or it'll be just so greasy.

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
I mean, these are real concerns when getting a takeaway! You just don't want either of these things to happen!

MELISSA:
I mean, the food being slightly cold is kind of an inevitability though, especially if it's coming from further away, right?

SAREENA:
I mean, true, but... I don't know, either I've just been lucky with the takeaways here, but most of the time it's still really hot when it gets to me.

MELISSA:
[bitterly] Wow, must be nice! I mean, when I get takeout usually it's like decently warm when it gets to me, if I'm unlucky then yes it will be cold because they got lost somehow.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
I mean, the idea of food being always greasy no matter what it is kind of makes me laugh, but not enough for me to want to go with that option.

SAREENA:
Why not? You could order a cucumber or something, and it's just like covered in grease. [laughing]

MELISSA:
Eww! What delivery service would offer- have that on their menu, like 'oh yeah, for sale: one cucumber, sliced' for like 8 dollars.

SAREENA:
You know, times are hard, times are hard.

[More laughing.]

MELISSA:
Bold of you also to presume that I would order a vegetable in my takeout.

SAREENA:
Look, the way forward is a balanced diet, so if we're gonna get takeouts all the time, at least one vegetable should make it in there, even if it is covered in grease.

MELISSA:
If it's a potato I will exempt this.

[Both cracking up again.]

SAREENA:
Touche, touche.

MELISSA:
Okay, so I'm gonna go with the slightly not-so-warm option, but I just think it'd be so funny.

SAREENA:
No, but like the lukewarm- it will change the taste of the food, like you will get it and it'll be kind of - you're so hopeful for this takeaway, you've been waiting for this meal, and it's just a bit 'eh'.

MELISSA:
Wait, so this change of temperature is going to change the entirety of this food? So if I got a chicken and rice bowl or something and it gets to me lukewarm, it's not gonna taste like chicken and rice anymore?

SAREENA:
No no, it'll still taste like chicken and rice, but you know - having a lukewarm chicken and rice versus a piping hot chicken and rice? Either is an offset of deliciousness there.

MELISSA:
You do know that microwaves are a thing, right? [cracking up]

SAREENA:
It'll never be how it was intended! [whooshing sound effect]

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
I don't know if I'm making this clear enough, but you know. [laughing]

MELISSA:
It's a travesty, is what that is! I don't think- 'cause if your food is super greasy though, then YOU feel heavy and greasy afterwards too! Being like 'oh, I don't want to have my stomach complain at me loudly when I finish eating this in ten minutes'.

SAREENA:
But that's when you eat the cucumber and feel fresh again!

MELISSA:
Well, the cucumber's not gonna be that fresh if it's soaked in like two inches of grease, that's not gonna help!

SAREENA:
... Anyway, make your decision.

MELISSA:
[still laughing] I've made my decision! Lukewarm it is!

SAREENA:
Okay.

MELISSA:
I'll just zap it in the ol' microwave. [microwaving hum and 'ding!' sound effect]

SAREENA:
Ding!

MELISSA:
I'm assuming you're going to go with greasy food since you're so very upset?

SAREENA:
I am gonna go with greasy, yeah I am!

MELISSA:
Wow.

SAREENA:
A good tip if you are having greasy food or if you just feel a bit 'eh' on the inside, having hot water, like drinking hot water-

MELISSA:
Yeah.

SAREENA:
-I know this is like horrific for some people, but having hot water can cut through grease and stuff, so. I'll just drink hot water afterwards and have a bit of a cucumber, I'll be fine.

MELISSA:
Bluuuugh. Just having your sad cucumber water? Is that what you call tea nowadays, huh? [cracks up]

SAREENA:
No, I wouldn't put the cucumber IN the water, that would be horrific!! That's just going too far, Melissa, too far!

MELISSA:
Ohh. they have cucumber-infused water things, but I would draw the line if the water was hot, then that's just sad cucumber 'tea'.

SAREENA:
I'm still getting over the horror of the maple syrup water or whatever? Maple leaf water? That you have in your country.

MELISSA:
Yeah! Oh, you didn't believe me!

SAREENA:
No, I didn't want to believe!

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
Surprise! No, but also it also helps too if you drink tea after a meal, ginger always helps.

SAREENA:
Yeah. See? Easy fix, you can have your microwave, I'll have my tea and we'll both be happy. [laughs]

MELISSA:
I just feel like you're making a mountain out of a molehill here, you can reheat things! It'll be fine!

SAREENA:
NO YOU CAN'T! IT'S NOT THE SAME!

[More laughter from both sides.]

MELISSA:
I'll give you a second to calm down and then I'll move onto my second question, shall I?

SAREENA:
I'm ready! I'm always ready!

MELISSA:
Are you ready, though? Are you ready for this? [various da-na-na-na's etc. set to the tune of 'Are You Ready For This' by Jock Jams... aka the Space Jam song]

SAREENA:
[joins in]

MELISSA:
[question time twinkle] All right, so this is less about the food and more about the delivery method. So, Sareena?

SAREENA:
Yeees?

MELISSA:
Would you rather have your food delivered by helicopter?

SAREENA:
Oooh. Yeah?

MELISSA:
Or have your food thrown in through your window?

SAREENA:
[SHOCK] Why?! Why would you do that??

MELISSA:
It'll be fine, it's wrapped up and padded and things, but it'll be thrown in through your window!

SAREENA:
I mean, is this person getting here quicker than the helicopter?

MELISSA:
Um... I mean, maybe? The food definitely will get to you quicker through the window than it would be through the helicopter, that's all I'm saying.

SAREENA:
No, I'm going to go with the helicopter.

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
Because chances are, the helicopter will have a more direct route towards me and who doesn't want to see a helicopter up close and personal, so.... yeah.

MELISSA:
Oh my god. I mean, but my thinking was that you'd have to go up to the roof of your building so they can land be like - [helicopter blades whirring sound effect throughout] "Hey! Are you Sareena? Here's your order, it's-" and then you can't hear what it is because it's been drowned out by the sound of the helicopter blades.

SAREENA:
That's fine, because everyone will be like 'is there a murder here?' and I'll be like ,'Nope, just my takeout! It's all good, everyone! Remain calm, go back indoors. Yes, I can afford extra-fast delivery through this helicopter service.'

[Lots of laughter.]

MELISSA:
"Oh wow, UberEats has been really upgrading their services now, huh?"

SAREENA:
Yeah, exactly.

MELISSA:
Oh my god, that'd be so funny.

SAREENA:
But just the idea of - my biggest consumption of takeaways has actually become ice cream. Like I've discovered the dessert cafes nearby have been doing takeaway, so-

MELISSA:
WHAT!

SAREENA:
- I will order a two-scoop of ice cream, like a tub, and so you can pick any of their flavours-

MELISSA:
Really?

SAREENA:
-so, you know, I always get Snickers, and I love mint choc chip, so it's usually my go-to. And someone will just come and deliver two scoops of ice cream to me, and this is a service that I indulge in quite often.

MELISSA:
Wow! [jealous]

SAREENA:
But the fact that someone just might throw my ice cream at me through my window - [splat sound effect] - is, uh... I'd have to be pretty good at catching that.

MELISSA:
It would be properly packaged and everything, it'll still be packaged however, but it is still gonna be flung at high velocity through your window.

SAREENA:
Yeah, I mean, with ice cream it doesn't matter how well you package that, I think it's gonna do some damage to my heart if it's not proper.

MELISSA:
Aw man, I mean, that's true. You know, that is one thing I wish we had more of here? The dessert places don't really- I mean, there aren't even that many dessert places to begin with, to be honest-

SAREENA:
[scandalized] What?

MELISSA:
-because usually dessert's offered as like, an afterthought, you know, at a restaurant or whatever.

SAREENA:
[still scandalized] Whaaat?? Noo!

MELISSA:
We have a couple of dessert cafes but most of them are smaller businesses, so they can't really afford, you know, delivery things like that.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Which is a shame, because I have a fierce hankering for bubble tea, man, and I need that... but I wish I could just get two scoops of ice cream delivered to my house, are you kidding me?? I'd be so happy.

SAREENA:
It's so good. But you know, just getting two scoops is not as economical as getting two tubs of two scoops, so then I'll get four scoops of ice cream.

[Both laughing.]

SAREENA:
But I will save a tub for the next day, I won't eat all four in the one go.

MELISSA:
Yeah, yeah. Oh my goodness, are you having a bad day? Do you need to talk about it?

SAREENA:
It doesn't really matter - bad day, good day, any day - ice cream.

MELISSA:
That's true, you have quite the sweet tooth.

SAREENA:
I really do. And still only have one filling, so, y'know, it's good going, really.

MELISSA:
Wow, must be nice!

SAREENA:
[cracking up]

MELISSA:
Look, it's not that I have a lot of fillings, but I get sugar aches and they suuuuuuuck!

SAREENA:
Wow, Melissa.

MELISSA:
So much!!

SAREENA:
So extra!

MELISSA:
I didn't ASK for this, I would like my teeth to be functional, thank you! And mostly they are, but-

SAREENA:
Or do you just want silver teeth so you can live out your pirate fantasy?

MELISSA:
[laughs] What kind of pirate would I be if I had silver teeth? You gots to go gold, man. [sparkling shiny sound effect]

SAREENA:
Oh, well. She's an expensive pirate, everybody!

MELISSA:
Aw, I know what I like, that's the thing. That's the main thing, that's the takeaway -

SAREENA:
Ha ha ha ha. [sarcastically]

MELISSA:
Heh heh heh. [also sarcastically]

SAREENA:
[question time twinkle] Right, I'm gonna go back to the takeaway itself, but it was interesting that you went with the delivery methods 'cause I, too, was also thinking along those lines, but then I stopped myself and I'm glad I did.

[Laughter from both sides.]

SAREENA:
So would you rather get a free meal from the place- from your takeaway that you really, really like, but as soon as you get the free meal, all the prices hike up dramatically?

MELISSA:
Ohhh.

SAREENA:
Or would you rather pay for a medium-range takeaway - like all their items are mid-level pricing, but you always get free things with your meals, but they're never anything that you like.

MELISSA:
Oh nooo. Oh, that sucks!

SAREENA:
Who do you support, Melissa? Hmmm?

MELISSA:
Dang it! Well, 'cause if it's my favourite thing, is it - the prices hike up for everybody, or just me?

SAREENA:
Just you. But it's not like, if you were like, 'I'll get my sister to order things!' No, it ain't gonna let you have a loophole that way, if it's coming to you, it's gonna be the dramatically increased prices. [laughs]

MELISSA:
[whispers] Damn it.

SAREENA:
I'm onto you!

MELISSA:
[laughs] Dang, you are! 'Cause that's exactly what I probably would have done, by the way, I woulda been like, 'Yeah I'll just go with that and I'll get my sister to order for me' and she'll build up a reputation a having a 5 burger-a -week habit, but hey, at least I'll get my food.

SAREENA:
Yeah, you do what you gotta.

MELISSA:
Honestly, I think I might do that one though, because the idea of having not-great options for a decent price, I'm like... it's just my life, life is too short to not live deliciously, Sareena! ['chomp' sound effect]

SAREENA:
This is true. Yeah, it'd be - I don't know, what are some things that you don't like, takeaway-wise?

MELISSA:
I mean, I don't really order Thai food, I can't stomach it for whatever reason.

SAREENA:
No, but like, dishes.

MELISSA:
Oh, well again, it just depends on what I'm getting, right?

SAREENA:
You're not making this easy for this, Melissa. [laughing]

MELISSA:
I'm sorry!

SAREENA:
Do you like mac'n cheese? Do you like, I dunno, is it garlic bread, are you opposed to that? Give me something. Wedges?

MELISSA:
[laughs] I mean, I like wedges. But I generally don't get salad, if that helps?

SAREENA:
Okay, right, fine, there we go - so every time you get your mediocre kind of burger, you will always get free salads, but they're really impressive salads, they're just never salads that you like.

MELISSA:
So you're telling me that the salads I would be getting for free would be more impressive than my actual food? Is that what this is?

SAREENA:
No, it's just- you're like 'oh, it's free and I should enjoy it' but you can't, because it's not something you like.

MELISSA:
[unhappy noises] It's wasteful! No! Or rather, I would just give it to my family or my sister, but I'm like nooooo. No, I'll have to go with the first option. I know the prices will hurt me, but at least I'm supporting something I love.

SAREENA:
That's true. Gotta live deliciously, gotta do it.

MELISSA:
Gotsta, yeah. There are some places where I will- and I have done this before - but there's a place that I order fish and chips from, it's the place I took you to, if you remember!

SAREENA:
Oh! Yes I do!

MELISSA:
Yeah! Seafood's expensive anyway, and they also charge a delivery fee, so I'm like 'eegh', paying an extra ten dollars more than I ought to- well, not ten more than I ought to, but ten dollars more -

SAREENA:
Mmhmm.

MELISSA:
-in order to get this delicious fish and chips fix, but it was so worth it.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
But I was like, 'yeah that hurt, a little bit'. But they're a family-owned business, so I'm like 'all right!' It's not like I'm paying an extra $15 for McDonald's or something.

SAREENA:
Yeah, that's true, if you know that it's going towards a family-run business then it's less painful, yeah.

MELISSA:
Mmhmm! We'll go with that. What about you?

SAREENA:
I think I have to join you on the living deliciously.... mobile, wagon, train... journey.

MELISSA:
Well that's a 'patty' wagon I'd like to be on! [chittering laughter sound effect] Huh? Huh? [cracking up]

SAREENA:
Ugh. She's here every day, all day with those puns. Puns puns puns.

MELISSA:
I've actually been good for the last few episodes! I've been holding back!

SAREENA:
This is true. [laughs]

MELISSA:
Sareena gets the full brunt of it. [laughs also]

SAREENA:
I really do, I really do! And then she's like 'hey, let's record an episode!' and I'm like 'ugh, but is it gonna be pun-tastic?' I've been surprised, I've been surprised.

MELISSA:
I mean, fine! Fine, all right! So then here's one for you-

SAREENA:
Oh no.

MELISSA:
What is a Jedi's favourite dessert?

SAREENA:
I'm trying to think of something with the Force but I can't... Lightsaber... pudding? I don't know, what?

[Both laughing.]

MELISSA:
'Lightsaber pudding', wow, that does not sound tasty.

SAREENA:
No.

MELISSA:
No, it's... Obi-Wan Cannoli. [symbol crash sound effect]

SAREENA:
... I might just have to, like... leave, because I know my soul has departed this body.

MELISSA:
[laughing, of course]

SAREENA:
'Obi-Wan Cannoli'...

MELISSA:
Yes!

SAREENA:
Ugh.

MELISSA:
Oh I've heard worse, trust me. That one is, if you can believe it, one of the BETTER ones that I've heard.

SAREENA:
[laughing] So, did you have any other questions for me?

MELISSA:
[question time twinkle] Well, actually, speaking of questions I've got two more!

SAREENA:
Woohoo! How 'bout we jump on over to them?

MELISSA:
Moving right along, okay! Sareena?

SAREENA:
Yes?

MELISSA:
Would you rather be able to get delivery from anywhere in the world, and it costs - you know, it costs as much as it would wherever, plus whatever the delivery fee is, right?

SAREENA:
Mmhmm?

MELISSA:
Or would you rather be able to get takeout from your local area, and it's free? But only in your local area.

SAREENA:
So like, the places I've been ordering from now, they would all be free?

MELISSA:
Yeah, just your city.

SAREENA:
Hmm! I'll have you know my city's pretty good!

MELISSA:
I mean, mine is too, but you could get stuff from anywhere!

SAREENA:
So - you could get stuff from anywhere, exactly. So if I wanted to get a pad thai from Thailand, what would be the extra delivery fee be for that?

MELISSA:
Just whatever you want to tip the courier, I guess. You know?

SAREENA:
[cracking up] 'Hey, you've just flown all the way from Thailand, here's a dollar! Thanks very much!'

MELISSA:
It's magical, it's magical!

SAREENA:
Okay.

MELISSA:
They're not actually hotfooting it over to you, because that's crazy!! I wouldn't make them do that, come on!

SAREENA:
I don't know, you wanted me to choose between a helicopter and just someone chucking food at me from a window!

MELISSA:
Yeah, and they get paid to do that too!

[Laughter from both.]

SAREENA:
That sounds pretty awesome, because as we're all just staying inside more often, we're not able to travel, and you know there's just some places that you want to travel to and you might not be able to for whatever reason.

MELISSA:
Mmmhmm.

SAREENA:
Yeah, to be able to get food from that place? I think that'd be so good, especially - obviously we lived abroad in Korea, to even get a proper taste of Korea before we had went, would have been such a great way to prepare.

MELISSA:
Right?

SAREENA:
I think that would help so many people embarking on that journey, like 'okay, if I can taste the cuisine and know I can stomach that, then I can tackle anything!'

MELISSA:
It's true.

SAREENA:
Yeah, so that's quite exciting - you know, I really want to go to Bora Bora, which is out in the French Polynesia which is miles and miles away, and so-

MELISSA:
Yes.

SAREENA:
To be able to get an authentic dish from there would be pretty awesome.

MELISSA:
If they have places that offer delivery for them, then yeah, obviously you'd be able to get it through this weird hypothetical situation.

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
But yeah, aw man that'd be cool!

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
You could just use this power for the wrong reasons and be like, 'you know what I feel like? McDonalds, but from France!' You could just do that.

SAREENA:
Well, but even that, Mcdonalds is different-

MELISSA:
Oh, that's different too-

SAREENA:
-in every country, you know, we went to Japan together, and obviously we've been to Korea together, and Mcdonalds there have both been different. And I went to Hong Kong, and also had a Mcdonalds there and they had like, squid ink buns and things.

MELISSA:
Oh yeah!

SAREENA:
So yeah, that wouldn't be bad, I would definitely take authentic food from different countries around the world, that'd be awesome.

MELISSA:
Yeah. Oh, my dad has been finding youtube videos of like... beautiful foreign foods that are inaccessible to us here in Canada.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
And we'll sit and watch and be like, 'aww MAN', so I feel that.

SAREENA:
Yeah, you know what I really want to taste? It's like the Japanese fluffy pancakes, have you seen them?

MELISSA:
Oh yeah, they're great! I've had them, I've had them, yeah!

SAREENA:
Oh, but the big ones that wobble about, and you're just like 'is this real or not?' They just look so delicious!

MELISSA:
The souffle pancakes specifically, right?

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Like, the big, huge, super fluffy-

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
Yeah! Actually, speaking of dessert places from before, there is a place that offers that.

SAREENA:
[awed] What?

MELISSA:
It's called Fuwa Fuwa Pancakes - [sparkling 'wow!' sound effect] - and 'fuwa fuwa' means 'soft', that's the sound effect for 'soft'. And I've had them, and they are SO soft, Sareena! And it takes like 10 minutes to make, 'cause it's a long- it's a slow game, you know?

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
But it melts in your mouth, they're so soft.

SAREENA:
Do they deliver to you?

MELISSA:
Well, they're all the way downtown, so they wouldn't deliver to me in my area, but I think-

SAREENA:
[singing] Downtown~ [the song is Petula Clark's ... well, "Downtown"] ... Sorry.

[Both cracking up.]

SAREENA:
Please excuse my musical interlude of like... two syllables.

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
[also singing] Doowntoown! I got what you were pickin' up, so don't worry! If I wanted to pay, again, out the nose for delivery through some other thing like.... I dunno, DoorDash or something - [doorbell sound effect] - technically they could, but I don't think they're open for that. But they are open for takeout, and curbside pickup and things like that.

SAREENA:
Yeah, I had something like that. Well, if I can get my takeaway service from Japan then sure, I'ma get those pancakes!

MELISSA:
If I had access to this power, it would be all ramen, all chicken, all the time! I miss ramen so much, Sareena, it's not the same.

SAREENA:
I know, I know it's not the same.

MELISSA:
[sad noises]

SAREENA:
One day we'll go back.

MELISSA:
One day!

SAREENA:
[question time twinkle] I think that draws me onto my last question, actually.

MELISSA:
The dessert for the episode.

SAREENA:
[laughs] I don't know if this will be as sweet as you were hoping, but-

MELISSA:
Oh.

SAREENA:
You've said multiple times you are not much of a sweet person, you prefer your savouries, so maybe it will align with your tastes?

MELISSA:
We'll see!

SAREENA:
So, would you rather have an amazing new takeaway open up across the street from you, but -

MELISSA:
Mmhmm?

SAREENA:
- you can smell their kitchen, and even though their food is delicious the smell is not.

[Both crack up.]

SAREENA:
Or would you rather have to deal with the noise levels from the kitchen, bearing in mind how long takeaways stay open as well.

MELISSA:
[unhappy noises] Iiiii am gonna have to go with the first option with the smells-

SAREENA:
[gasp] Really?

MELISSA:
-just because I- look, I'm used to it. You understand, your family's in the restaurant business too, I am super used to - you know, the waft, as it were. And our family's restaurant is based in Chinatown, and Chinatown - don't get me wrong, I love Chinatown, but in summer? Hoo boy, hoo boy! It's got that summertime stank, you know?

SAREENA:
Mmm.

MELISSA:
And also where I live right now, I'm right next to a fast food place already, so I get that waft of that delicious chicken grease every so often.

SAREENA:
[laughs] But it's like, difficult to ignore, this smell. I just want you to know that.

MELISSA:
'Cause I think the sound would drive me crazy, though. It's just super loud and invasive, or what?

SAREENA:
[background sound effect of kitchen clutter playing throughout] Yeah, you'd be able to hear them clanging away, and washing up, and shouting, all that kind of stuff.

MELISSA:
[complaining sounds] Oh, you put me in a terrible position, I hate this! Wow, I had a nice question for you and everything!

SAREENA:
[laughing at Melissa's expense]

MELISSA:
Aw man, I mean, if the sound was- if it was easy enough to drown out somehow I would go with that, but the smell too... Aw man. I mean, I used to work somewhere that smelled very strongly, but at least it smelled nice!

SAREENA:
Yeah, yeah yeah.

MELISSA:
Yeah! But is it not-delicious food smells, it's just-?

SAREENA:
It's something you don't understand. The food is so great, but where does the smell come from?

MELISSA:
Oh no! Is it a Sweeney Todd thing where the smells are coming because the food itself is not... great, for a bunch of reasons?

SAREENA:
No!

[Both crack up.]

MELISSA:
It's not like that, right?

SAREENA:
No it's not like that, everything is legit, it's fine!

MELISSA:
Okay!

SAREENA:
But however, there is just very strong odour.

MELISSA:
Aw you know, I might have to go with the noise... If the smell's hard to ignore, what, I can't light a candle and it'll go away?

SAREENA:
No.

MELISSA:
['I have several complaints to register' noises] Ugh!

SAREENA:
This lives with you! [laughing]

MELISSA:
Oh my god. Wait, will I smell like it? Like if I leave my house to go meet a friend, am I gonna smell like this restaurant??

SAREENA:
No, it won't follow you, it'll just be there waiting for you to come home.

[Laughter from both sides.]

MELISSA:
It won't follow me, okay.

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
I mean, maybe the noise.... Aaaaah no, but it's terrible! This suuuucks! Is it super loud all the time, like keep-me-up-at-night loud?

SAREENA:
It will, it'll keep you up until they close, so whatever their opening times are, that's when the noise will start from. So if it's during the day you could put on headphones- like noise-cancelling headphones and be able to drown it out, but it's just it will still go on when you probably want to bed.

MELISSA:
[GRUMBLES] Man, I hate this, I hate this so much. [indecisive noises now] I don't wanna choose any of these!! You know what, I think I might have to go with the s...... [explosion sound effect] .... keeping you in suspense.

[Both cracking up.]

SAREENA:
I'm leaning in, like 'yeeeeees?'

MELISSA:
Ugh, I'm gonna have to go with the sounds, you know, at least that way I can drown it out with other stuff.

SAREENA:
Mmhmm.

MELISSA:
But smell, I think I would probably get sick at some point, you know?

SAREENA:
Yeah. It's kind of like when you asked me about the sulphuric acid rain, or sulphuric acid smell or whatever in our space episode, it was kind of like that, it would just be all up in your space and you'd be like 'augh, gross!' But noise, I feel you could do something about it.

MELISSA:
Yeah... just pad all my walls, make everything soundproof somehow!

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
I'd have to check this place out to see if their food's worth the racket, but...

[Laughter again.]

MELISSA:
Okay, yeah. UUGH, I have to go with that. I hate you, you forced me into a corner!

SAREENA:
You're welcome!

MELISSA:
No!

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
Okay, which one are you going with?

SAREENA:
I'm going to go with noise. I have noise-cancelling headphones already, so I'm well prepared.

MELISSA:
Yeah. But hopefully it's a small place and they don't open super late, like 'yeah, we just sell... desserts or something so we're only open till 6 pm', cough.

SAREENA:
No, until you go to bed!

MELISSA:
Hey, hey! What if I go to bed at 6 pm, then what?? Joke's on you!

SAREENA:
That's never gonna happen, when did you fall asleep last night?

MELISSA:
Hey, hey! Get off my back, that was through no fault of my own, you know this!!

SAREENA:
Uh-huh. You wanna tell everyone anyway?

MELISSA:
[resigned] I just couldn't fall asleep, it was like 3:30 and I was like wow, lying in bed and wishing for death, I'm like 'this sucks, I would like to sleep, please'.

SAREENA:
Yeah. But I'm ready for my super sweet nice question! [laughs]

MELISSA:
No, the episode ends here, too bad! Good bye, everybody!

SAREENA:
Oh no! Wait!

[Laughter all round.]

MELISSA:
[question time twinkle] No, this is just the little after-dinner mint, I guess.

SAREENA:
Oh yes.

MELISSA:
Yeah, would you rather get free drinks in your order every time you order, or a free appetizer every time you order?

SAREENA:
[immediately] Oh, free appetizer! Woohoo, give it to me!

MELISSA:
Oh wow.

SAREENA:
Spring rolls all day every day!

MELISSA:
See?!

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
I just think it's funny, even places that wouldn't offer appetizers you'd still get something. It'd be nice.

SAREENA:
[laughs] That'd be- I would imagine they'd give you a side dish as an appetizer or whatever.

MELISSA:
It's just a single side of pickles.

SAREENA:
Hey, I love pickles, I'd be happy with that. The biggest thing-

MELISSA:
Eeechh! Keep your pickles!

SAREENA:
The biggest thing I miss from Korea, every time you got pizza you got pickles, and you could put the pickles on your pizza, and it changed my mind.

MELISSA:
Blllleck!

SAREENA:
Changed my whole outlook on the potential of pizza!

MELISSA:
To be fair, Korean pizza - and Japanese pizza, for that matter - they're a whole other beast, like, they put- there's CORN on everything! Why is there corn on everything?

SAREENA:
You mean like sweetcorn?

MELISSA:
Yeah!

SAREENA:
That's a normal topping, I put sweetcorn on my pizza.

[Record scratch sound effect.]

MELISSA:
.... What? Really??

SAREENA:
Yeah? I also make curry pizza, so. [laughs]

MELISSA:
Okay, again, this is another- it's also part of the title of our podcast, 'cause curried things are not that popular here, much to my dismay. Oh my god, curry pizza sounds amazing, by the way.

SAREENA:
It is amazing.

MELISSA:
Corn? Corn is a NORMAL thing for you? What are your normal pizza toppings, tell me!

SAREENA:
If I'm gonna order from my takeaway pizza place, I usually get the 'Cajun Crisp' - and that has... what does it have, it has red onion, peppers, jalapenos, kidney beans-

MELISSA:
[incredulous] KIDNEY BEANS??

SAREENA:
-no no no, not kidney beans, red beans? Red beans, and cheese, all kinds of cheese. But... does it have sweetcorn? I don't think that one has sweetcorn-

MELISSA:
Oh my god.

SAREENA:
-but we do have, we have like tuna and sweetcorn on pizzas and things here.

[Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN sound effect]

MELISSA:
What?!

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Oh my god!

SAREENA:
[cracking up]

MELISSA:
Okay, I'm gonna- you know, British pizza and Scottish pizza's in with the rest of the weird ones!

SAREENA:
Hey! Pizzas are like... the base is a vehicle to hold whatever topping you want, really.

MELISSA:
Right!

SAREENA:
So, you know, it's your bread - so you have tuna and sweetcorn sandwiches, so you've just got a flat bread pizza vehicle.

MELISSA:
But we also don't do that here!

SAREENA:
You could learn a thing or two, okay?!

MELISSA:
[increasingly distressed] Corn is for staying on the cob and eating on the grill, that's what corn is for! Oh my god.

SAREENA:
But when you get pizza next, put some sweetcorn on there.

MELISSA:
I refuse! I don't even think that's an option, actually.

SAREENA:
Wow. You could buy a tin and put it on. Sprinkle some sweetcorn over your pizza.

MELISSA:
Why would I ruin a perfectly good pizza with canned corn? What is wrong with you??

[Both cracking up.]

SAREENA:
But they're like pops of sweetness, it's like delicious.

MELISSA:
That's what onions are for!

SAREENA:
Yes, but that's why you have onions AND sweetcorn, and peppers and jalapenos, and chicken, if you're into that.

MELISSA:
"If you're into that", okay.

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
You- honestly, you lost me at 'peppers', 'cause I don't even like peppers, so I was like 'huergh!'

SAREENA:
What?? What do YOU have on your pizza??

MELISSA:
Well, hilariously enough, it's called the Canadian, it's pepperoni, mushrooms and bacon crumble... so obviously it's not stuff you can really eat.

SAREENA:
Bacon crumble?

MELISSA:
Yeah, it's not even like bacon strips, it's like.... like ground beef but pink, and it's bacon flavoured I guess.

SAREENA:
....That sounds terrible. Eat some vegetables!

MELISSA:
[cracking up] Mushrooms are a vegetable! That's what's on my pizza!

SAREENA:
[sighs and laughs] Have ones with colour in them!

MELISSA:
Those are colours! [still laughing] ...Red and brown!

SAREENA:
No, you're totally missing out.

MELISSA:
Ugh. Although I will say, there was an Italian pizza that we had, 'cause we got it from a proper Italian restaurant-type of pizza-

SAREENA:
Mm, yeah.

MELISSA:
Hilariously, we were like 'is this an individual pizza?' The server kind of laughed at us for about 30 straight seconds so I was like, 'okay, so it's something to share, all right!' I can't remember what else it had, but it was- they cracked an egg onto it, like a cooked- an egg with runny yolks on it and stuff on there, and it was so good.

SAREENA:
Yeah, again, in Korea, I've had a breakfast pizza and there was three eggs, fried eggs on top there. [laughs]

MELISSA:
See, that does not sound bad to me!

SAREENA:
But sweetcorn does, I don't understand.

MELISSA:
Sweetcorn, it just seems so weird, like...

SAREENA:
[stage whisper] Just try it!

MELISSA:
I have tried it!

SAREENA:
[still whispering] Just try it!!

MELISSA:
Remember the whole 'impossible-to-get-pizza-in-Korea-without-corn-on-it?

SAREENA:
[whispers for days] Try it now!!

MELISSA:
I refuse! I'm not even big on it- unless it's popcorn, we're not really big on corn in my family, so.

SAREENA:
Mm, yeah, I guess it depends on your taste buds and... yours are wrong, but that's okay! I accept you.

MELISSA:
[indignant laughing]

SAREENA:
[cracking up]

MELISSA:
I trust nothing that comes from someone who loves pickles, okay?

SAREENA:
Pickles are fantastic, okay?

MELISSA:
They are not, I refuse.

SAREENA:
So good, mm mm mm!

MELISSA:
I will say though, the pickled radish that they have in Korea to go with fried chicken is fantastic, it's delicious.

SAREENA:
Oh yeah, most things that are pickled in Korea are fantastic.

MELISSA:
Yeah, I think it's just pickles, like dill pickles that I have issue with. Pickled things I am generally okay with, but pickles proper? No way. You can keep them, Sareena.

SAREENA:
Okay! [laughs] That's fine!

MELISSA:
More for you! I don't have to worry about them.

SAREENA:
Maybe that's what I'll throw through your window, just - [glass breaking sound effect] - a jar of pickles.

MELISSA:
[laughing] Oh my god, I don't know if you've seen this or if anyone's told you about this, but it's a very - I don't wanna say North American because I don't really see it here in Canada, but they definitely have this in America - but they have like dill pickles in baggies, just a single giant dill pickle in a bag, and you buy them from the convenience store and eat it.

SAREENA:
Yeah, no. No, no.

[Both cracking up.]

SAREENA:
I'm not THAT into pickles! I mean with pizza, yes, hello, please give it to me, but not just 'I'ma just crunch on this... weird thing during the day with no added supplements or flavours to help'!

MELISSA:
'Cause that's just the thing they have, I've also- the fairs and things that we have here, county fairs or whatever you call them, they also sell pickles on sticks... and you eat them in much the same way you'd eat a candied apple, like some kind of weirdo.

SAREENA:
Ohh noo... yeah no! See, I wouldn't eat it in that way, so maybe because you've been brought up around it in that form I can understand your aversion, but no... Had they had it nicely in their own little container next to the pizza in Korea, that's where it's at.

MELISSA:
If it's like the sidekick of a dish, sure, I can ignore it just fine. If it's the main star, front and centre - get out of here! I don't want this!

SAREENA:
Yeah, no, I don't think I've ever had a main meal - one pickle.

MELISSA:
The one pickle, but it's the length of your hand, so...

SAREENA:
Oh god, no. I want to try a Blooming Onion, that's all I want, and I would be happy to have that on my own.

MELISSA:
I gotta warn you, Blooming Onions, you gotta share those, they're HUGE!

SAREENA:
I know, I just wish when I was in Canada that there was enough of us to get one to try, that's my only regret.

MELISSA:
Yeah... that is a problem, 'cause we have a yearly fair type of thing called the CNE and I miss it, 'cause last year was the first year I didn't get to go, for obvious reasons. [fake coughing] But they have, you know, just your run of the mill fair food, so they have all sorts of wacky fair food, so they kind of outdo themselves inventing the weird things - like they'll have their deep fried chocolate bars, and Oreos, and funnel cakes, things like that.

SAREENA:
Mmhmm.

MELISSA:
And they had for whatever reason, pickle themed things were the hot thing last year?

SAREENA:
[interest] Oooh!

MELISSA:
And I was like, 'why on earth would you want to buy a glass of pickle juice and drink it?'

SAREENA:
[disgust] Oh.

MELISSA:
They'll cram savoury and sweet things, it's really weird, being like yeah, it's chicken that's been coated in Frosted Flakes or something like that.

SAREENA:
Interesting, 'cause I've heard if you want the best kind of crunch for fried chicken, cornflakes is the way to go, but frosted cornflakes I think, would also add a different kind of flavour.

MELISSA:
Yeah, salty-sweet is very popular here, so I can see the appeal of it? I mean, I was not into it, did not get it, but consistently we would try to get a Blooming Onion, and we'll have 6-7 people trying to work on this thing. No go, man, we always tap out at the last, like... third.

SAREENA:
Oh gosh. I just want to, they look magical! I'm just like, give it to me! The magic of food, and the memories they hold, and the happiness they bring...

MELISSA:
Exactly!

SAREENA:
You just can't beat it.

MELISSA:
No! When I took you to my parents' restaurant- well, my family's restaurant, technically speaking - I was so happy, I'm like 'Sareena! Yes! Eat what we're famous for!'

SAREENA:
Yes! It was so good, and it's so personal as well, because obviously your family restaurant is authentic to your heritage, and it's amazing obviously eating food from people who know how to make it, as well, so-

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
It was amazing! So yeah, if you want to feed me, I am here all day every day. [laughs]

MELISSA:
I would be happy to, if it weren't for the- however many thousand miles apart that we are.

SAREENA:
That Atlantic ocean.

MELISSA:
That darned dirty ocean! [sighs] And on that ... probably less than delectable note, I think it's time we wrapped up, don't you?

SAREENA:
Wrapped up for the takeaway!

MELISSA:
Any kind of wrap you want - tortilla? Cheese? Whatever.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
...cheese wrap, huh? Bit weird, actually....

SAREENA:
I know, I was like 'ohh...'

MELISSA:
I don't know what I'm talking about! Anyways!

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
[soft chiming music playing throughout] All right, well, it's time for the Self-Care Sign-Off, let's just go with that. If this episode hasn't already reminded you, go ahead and eat something! Remember to eat, people; I know I'm always saying remember to stay hydrated, but remember to eat too. It's really easy to keep on binging another episode - just one more episode of your favourite show, or just one more level in your video game, but take the time to eat something. If you don't think you're hungry, or it's been a long time and you can't remember how long it's been, grab a snack or something. Eat something and don't feel guilty about it.

SAREENA:
Mmhmm!

MELISSA:
Carbs are not bad, fats are not bad, flavour is good and your body needs these things. So remember to eat and don't feel bad, you are a human person on this earth and you deserve to eat something nice!

SAREENA:
And live deliciously, oh yeah!

MELISSA:
[laughs] And live deliciously, yeah! And on that note, speaking of living deliciously, hey! Do you want to buy us a ko-fi? Granted, it won't be a physical coffee, but we do have a link up on our Insta page to our linktree if you want to toss something into the tip jar, for our... lovely delivery! Toss something into the tip jar, it's the price of a coffee, 3 bucks or however much you want to give us as a way of saying thank you, we'd appreciate it. If not, don't worry about it!

We also have a Redbubble store, which is full of all sorts of merch - you can get a coffee cup with our logo on it! How cool would that be? Get your morning cup of tea with the Curried Chips and Poutine logo! On top of that, we do also have just our regular Insta account, that you can reach out to us on; you can drop us a comment, we usually have polls, fun stories and things like that - we'd love to hear from you, send us a DM if you like. and also, we can always be reached at our email, which is curriedchipsandpoutine@gmail.com.

This episode was a fun one to record, I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as we did! As always, we love you, we appreciate you, stay golden and crispy out there! Thanks so much for listening!

BOTH:
Byeeeee!

[Outro music to fade out.]