CC&P 15: Lights! Camera! Questions!

[Intro music.]

SAREENA:
Hellooo, my favourite fried potatoes! Welcome back to CC & P, where this week Melissa and I are going to discuss films! Because I’m not sure about you, but I’m hardcore struggling with committing to watching most things at the moment, and instead I am binging my favourite streamers on YouTube. So I hope through our process of love, laughter and lamenting over difficult choices, we can maybe find something new to watch or revisit an old fave. Are you having the same issue, Melissa, or are you normal?

MELISSA:
[laughing] I mean, I'm having the same issue too, really... I don't know if I have the attention span for full movies anymore, but my god I've been trying.

SAREENA:
[laughs] I know, I've been finding it quite difficult, which is quite nice to watch an episode or something on Youtube, but I want to get back into films! And you know, see what good stuff's out there, we all have the time for it!

MELISSA:
It's absolutely true, I mean the movie theatre experience, obviously, we won't really have that, but you can recreate it as best as you could at home!

SAREENA:
Yeah, I mean to be fair at home I can have all my blankets, I can get up and have as many snack breaks without missing the film, so... The TV might not be as big, but there's a lot of good things as well.

MELISSA:
Oh my god, I mean the pause function alone, to be able to use the bathroom mid-movie? Oh, that's everything.

SAREENA:
But it's kind of part of the risk of watching it in the cinema, isn't it? It's like, 'you have to go NOW or make your peace'!

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
They have an app, actually - I don't remember what it was called, but I remember my sister told me about it, and it'll let you know about the lulls in the movie where it's not plot-important stuff, that you can go to the bathroom in-

SAREENA:
[laughing] Oh my god, that's amazing!

MELISSA:
Super handy!

SAREENA:
Yeah, maybe that's what we'll all need when we can finally go back to the cinemas.

MELISSA:
Yes!

SAREENA:
Do you want to kick us off on our movie extravaganza? [party favour sound effect]

MELISSA:
Yes, please! Aw man, I do miss the movies, but hey! That's what the home theatres are for.

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
[Film start countdown sound effect] I got one for you, I'm excited about this one. All right-

SAREENA:
Okay. Yeah?

MELISSA:
Sareena, would you rather watch an existing movie, but it's starring your friends and family?

SAREENA:
[cracking up]

MELISSA:
Or would you rather watch celebrities act out a story from your life?

SAREENA:
Oh my gosh.

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
Wow, that is- that's great - [cracks up] Do I get to choose which celebrities get to star in my life?

MELISSA:
[buzzer sound effect] No.

SAREENA:
Oh. Whaat?

MELISSA:
I'm gonna say no - you can choose the story that they'll be depicting and obviously it'll be fancified and stuff-

SAREENA:
Okay.

MELISSA:
You can choose that, but you don't get to choose your celebrities. Well, you get to choose one.

SAREENA:
I get to choose one, okay.

MELISSA:
But not for you. Like, you don't get to choose your actor, you don't get to do that.

SAREENA:
Damn it!

[Laughter from both sides.]

SAREENA:
But are they famous celebrities? Or are they, you know-

MELISSA:
Oh yeah, yeah!

SAREENA:
-lowkey, up and coming celebrities? Like reality TV show people?

MELISSA:
Oh. So the B-list, is what you're saying.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
That's what I'm checking!

MELISSA:
No, this is like a multi-billion- not a billion dollar, but a multi-million dollar, high budget, triple A film, with all the hot new celebs, but you don't get to choose any of them except for one.

SAREENA:
Just one. Natalie Dormer, what?

[Both start cracking up.]

MELISSA:
You two could be twins!

SAREENA:
Yes, so similar! Okay, so for the friends and family acting out any film, are they in any real life danger?

MELISSA:
No, it's just a film. Anything that would've happened during filming, any of the typical stuff, it'd be like... you know, you get to watch the Lord of the Rings but instead of Sam and Frodo it's me and you.

[Both laughing.]

SAREENA:
Well, I was thinking Jurassic Park?

[More laughing.]

MELISSA:
Well, no, I mean they weren't in real danger anyways, those were just really, really well made animatronics, so you know.

SAREENA:
Uh, excuse me, I think you should know the dangers of animatronics!

MELISSA:
No, you're right.

SAREENA:
Yeah, I think I'm going to have to go with friends and family, that just seems far too funny not to go with.

MELISSA:
Oh yeah.

SAREENA:
In terms of what film, maybe like a Star Wars would be fun? Or Jurassic Park, but I don't want to be in the Jurassic Park...

MELISSA:
[laughing] Oh, that would be hilarious, though. But could you imagine, though, all the really, really moving dramatic scenes played out by like.... you know, your uncle or something.

SAREENA:
I think my uncle would be enamoured and totally over the moon for his moment in the spotlight. [laughs] Yeah, I'm gonna go with friends and family, that just sounds like a lot of fun.

MELISSA:
I- honestly, me too. It's just the funniest concept in the world to me. I guess if you're watching an animated movie then it would just be voiced by your friends and family, which would also be really cool. Aw, geez!

SAREENA:
Yeah, 'cause I was like, not that you can do the same with books, but you can get your favourite books and change the names of the characters to you and whoever, so it's kind of similar to that, like 'look! I'm here in Pride and Prejudice, look at me!'

MELISSA:
[cracking up] 'Ooh Mr. Darcy or whatever your last name is!'

SAREENA:
'Yes, watch me come out of a river, soaked and handsome!'

MELISSA:
I mean.... it's no Colin Firth, but...

SAREENA:
Hey! It's Sareena, it's much better!

MELISSA:
[still laughing]

SAREENA:
Yeah. That's good! Okay cool, I like how you went in that direction. [film countdown sound effect] My first question is more on films that we've grown up with over the years, and I think they have been quite big in terms of movie ratings. [laughs]

MELISSA:
Okay, okay.

SAREENA:
So... obviously we've got all this time now at home to watch everything, almost too much time, some would say...

MELISSA:
[sad laughter]

SAREENA:
So... would you rather have to marathon the entire trilogy of the Lord of the Rings, but the extended versions? Or the four main Avenger films? So what I mean that, is like the original Avengers, the ones where they're all together, you know, party time.

MELISSA:
Right.

SAREENA:
So it's like Avengers: Age of Ultron, Infinity War and Endgame versus the three Lord of the Rings.

MELISSA:
[laughs] So, funny story... I've actually done the Lord of the Rings. We've done it.

SAREENA:
In a day?

MELISSA:
No.

SAREENA:
No, this is like, in a day.

MELISSA:
I'd still do it, honestly. I love the Lord of the Rings series, I have marathoned them before. Every once in a while, you know, my sister and I will be like, 'aw man, you know what we should watch again? We should re-watch Lord of the Rings', and lo and behold, we've done it.

SAREENA:
You do.

MELISSA:
Yeah. I'll be honest, I'm not as wild about the Avengers movies as much? I prefer a few of the original- you know, just the single character movies. I would rather watch those, I think, because Avengers as a whole, I left the theatre- I left the theatre after watching Infinity War and I was just grumpy, I was so unhappy. So, Lord of the Rings it is!

SAREENA:
Yeah, I kinda thought you would, 'cause you prefer more kind of fantasy worlds. But to give you an idea, the three films combined, the extended versions, it's approximately 11 and a half hours; and the Avengers, the four films, comes to about 10 and a half hours, give or take.

MELISSA:
Geez!

SAREENA:
Yeah, so you would be watching less, but more movies with the Avengers.

MELISSA:
Mmhmm. No no, I'm still going with Lord of the Rings. 'Cause we have watched- I think we tried to do a full-day marathon, but we gave up after the first- we watched the first one, then we started the second and we were like 'yeah you know what, no. We've already sat here for the last 4 hours, we'll watch the next one the next day.'

SAREENA:
Yeah, I've done like... half of the marathon with my dad, we watched the first and second extended versions, so we need to actually finish the third. But I say 'we actually need to finish this', it's been years!

MELISSA:
Oh, okay!

SAREENA:
So yeah, I think I would join you with the Lord of the Rings, because I think it was so big at the time when it came out, nothing else matched its kind of graphics, or the scale of it, and it was just amazing at every capacity. And I still remember clearly the Balrog scene with Gandalf - ['You shall not pass!' movie quote playing]

MELISSA:
Yeah!

SAREENA:
- and stuff like that really sticks with me, but with Endgame- well not Endgame, but with Avengers overall, it's the characters that I like.

MELISSA:
Yeah...

SAREENA:
Rather than one particular film or moment in the series.

MELISSA:
Yeah, honestly, I think that's my biggest issue with the Avengers movies, 'cause I think - like I said, the individual movies I like better, but as a whole it's just a lot of 'we have to squeeze in 20 some-odd characters, and they have their 5 minutes in the spotlight before we have to move onto the next plot thing', right?

SAREENA:
Mmm.

MELISSA:
Whereas Lord of the Rings, it was a lot more... I mean, people joke about the books being like, it's just them walking, it's just a walking simulator but it's a book - and to a degree, yes, but the worldbuilding is so rich and so varied. And I've read the books, and obviously they've had to cut and condense characters and all those things to be able to fit everything into those three movies, but they did it so beautifully! You've BEEN to New Zealand!

SAREENA:
I have!

MELISSA:
You KNOW how beautiful it is!

SAREENA:
Mmhmm!

MELISSA:
And I'm super jealous.

SAREENA:
That's what we did as well, when we were close to any place, just like 'oh! There was a scene recorded here, let's go see it!' and so we saw some of the rivers, and kind of the cliffs that were used, and it's funny, because actually, when we were looking at it I'm like, 'really? This is the scene?' because you know, when they're going through the river and they've got the two massive statues-

MELISSA:
Yes.

SAREENA:
-of two old dead guys, barring the way, they're massive - but when you go to the actual scene, it IS just a normal river, but the CGI and things makes it look so grand, it's just like 'oh okay! Well!'

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
'I was played!'

[More laughter from both.]

MELISSA:
It's good editing, is what that is!

SAREENA:
I know, yeah, yeah. Very good editing.

MELISSA:
That's so funny, oh my gosh.

SAREENA:
And I think also for Lord of the Rings in terms of a universe and a series, I've actually played some video games - and I think if a universe is good enough for me to play a video game, then that's really good for me, but I've never played any kind of Avenger games, or Marvel games, so. Lord of the Rings takes it for me!

MELISSA:
Same here. And because you know, I'm sure our listeners have picked up by now that we are both giant nerds, but I am a HUGE nerd because I also play D&D.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Tolkien didn't invent any of these fantasy things, like elves, and dwarves, and orcs, and rangers, and paladins and all that - he just kind of popularized them, I guess? Because even now, a good however-many years later, usually that's where our mind kinda goes when we thin about fantasy stuff, right?

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
And I just think that's really cool, to have that sort of lasting impact, you know? Obviously some of his stuff has been interpreted in wildly different ways, but here we are. It's like a mine of material to work with, you know?

SAREENA:
Yeah, and I think it's good, I think essentially what Lord of the Rings did for Dungeons and Dragons (or D&D) is, it made it a lot more accessible - everything that you need to learn to make your own character and have the skills and things, they put it into film format and people kind of got it. And for me, I always want to do D&D, but I'm like 'but how do you do the characters and whatnot?'

So when I think of Lord of the Rings I'm like, 'oh okay, I can visualize what is what', essentially, and it's pretty cool. And I think if you have something that can diverge into different, you know, kind of different aspects, and mean a lot to different people, I think that's pretty cool as well, and I think that's kind of what Harry Potter did, or is still doing for a lot of people; but I think I'm far more invested in Lord of the Rings than I ever have been-

MELISSA:
Same here.

SAREENA:
-for Harry Potter.

MELISSA:
Yeah. And I think, too, just because it comes from a different place also, just because Tolkien - he was a war veteran, and he speaks a lot about how wars aren't glorious, it's not about the fighting, it's about the little moments. It's about like, hey! It's like sitting down with a friend and sharing a meal with them, and sharing stories, and seeing how there is beauty in everything. And I think that kind of really resonated with me a lot, from the Lord of the Rings series, so... I love them!

SAREENA:
Yeah. So it wasn't the cool CGI for Orlando Bloom as Legolas jumping onto horses, or having unlimited arrows to kill people with? It wasn't that?

MELISSA:
[laughing] No, it wasn't, for one of my friends though it absolutely was. This was pre-Google, so she found a really crappy, low-res screenshot of him, and she printed it out and put it up in her locker, oh my god.

SAREENA:
[laughing] Ah, early days of fangirling.

MELISSA:
Oh my god, yeah. And also I think Lord of the Rings had so much meme material.

SAREENA:
Yes!

MELISSA:
Who doesn't know about the potatoes thing? You know, poh-tay-toes?

SAREENA:
Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!

MELISSA:
Stick 'em in a stew!

[Laughter from both.]

SAREENA:
If you do not know that, please youtube it.

MELISSA:
Please! Or 'They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard'?

SAREENA:
'What do your elven eyes see?'

[More laughter.]

SAREENA:
So much great material from Lord of the Rings. So yeah, happy that we're both on the same page, we're gonna go with our Lord of the Rings marathon. Our butts might not thank us for it, but we'll be happy.

[Cracking up again.]

MELISSA:
It's about the wonder, the beautiful music! And.... y'know, Sir Ian McKellen! There's that too.

SAREENA:
Yeah, yeah definitely.

[Film countdown sound effect.]

MELISSA:
You know, this ties in perfectly to my next question, actually.

SAREENA:
Oh good, yes!

MELISSA:
Would you rather watch a terrible long movie, but in ultimate comfort - with the best snacks, perfect level of coziness, all of that, but the movie is awful? Like, not even it's "so bad it's good", it's "so bad it's BAD" level.

SAREENA:
Oh, okay.

MELISSA:
Or would you rather watch an amazing movie, like the best movie you will ever, ever see, and you're uncomfortable the entire time because you have to pause it to go to the bathroom every five minutes... or there's something sticking out and it's poking you in the side - [cartoon 'poink!' sound effect] - and you can't figure out what it is, and it moves every time you try to fix it.

SAREENA:
Oh my god. [laughs] Will I be able to watch each of these films, should I choose to, again in a separate occasion? Or is this my only chance to ever watch the film?

MELISSA:
It's your only chance.

SAREENA:
[disappointed cartoon sound effect] Oh.

MELISSA:
[laughs] I know you, you'd be like 'I'll just suffer through the first time and watch it again later!'

SAREENA:
Exactly!!

MELISSA:
No no, my friend. Once in a lifetime.

SAREENA:
If it's once in a lifetime, I can make myself comfy in other times, I can do that, that's part of my life, being comfortable -

MELISSA:
Yes.

SAREENA:
It's what I strive to be on a daily basis. So if I can experience something that's top quality for just one time, I think I would rather go with that, rather than achieving something that I do daily and watch something crappy. 'Cause I think that's what part of my commitment issue is, with starting new TV series or a new film, I'm like 'but what if I start this, and it's crap?' I don't want to waste that time! The time that I have so much of anyway!

[Laughter from both sides.]

SAREENA:
And waste it on something that I don't like, so I'll be uncomfortable and see something that I really enjoy.

MELISSA:
[laughing still]

SAREENA:
There was a film that was nominated for like - not nominated, I think it won Oscars or whatever one year, I think it was called Roma? I don't know if you've heard of it-

MELISSA:
Oh! I don't think I have.

SAREENA:
Anyway, it's like... black and white, it's set in Mexico and it follows a housekeeper for a rich family, and... it was the most awful film I've ever sat through!

MELISSA:
Oh! Really??

SAREENA:
Like... I can't explain the pain of watching, and everyone else is like 'it's so amazing! It's so artsy! It's so this!' I was just sitting there, dead inside, I can't. [cartoon 'bonk' sound effect]

MELISSA:
[cracking up] Wow! Really?

SAREENA:
So if you want to commit to something that might be a waste of a time, try Roma! If you love it, sure, tell me why you love it, I just... for me, I just couldn't get ANY of it. I was just like 'no', and cursing the person who made me watch this, and just like.... no.

MELISSA:
Oh my god. Something similar- I don't know if you were here for it, or if we were in the same group for this, but - this was back when we were in Korea during the orientation week or whatever - and they put on a really, really famous Korean movie for us to watch.

SAREENA:
Okay.

MELISSA:
It was.... 'Tae-Guk Gi', like 'Brothers' or whatever it was?

SAREENA:
I don't think I was in your group.

MELISSA:
Okay. Because it was... oh my god, maybe I just don't have the stomach for Korean cinematography, 'cause it like-

SAREENA:
Wait, is it the one with the two brothers, one's... North Korean, the other's South Korean? Is it that one?

MELISSA:
Yeah! It was that war movie, basically!

SAREENA:
Ah, I think I watched that but not with you, I think I watched that later on, but yeah. No, I know what you're- yeah.

MELISSA:
Oh my god, like it wasn't a bad movie, but it's definitely not the stuff that I would normally watch in a movie, you know? There's parts that were kind of graphic, I'm like 'ooooh my GOD!' And I came out of that kind of traumatized, really.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Like I said, it wasn't a bad movie, I can see why they made it, but at the same time, ooh boy.

SAREENA:
Yeah, Korean cinema - they don't take it easy, they go all in.

MELISSA:
Yeah, we are very squishy in our - I guess, in Hollywood.

[Laughter from both sides.]

SAREENA:
Yeah. So, would you join me in being uncomfortable but watching something fantastic?

MELISSA:
Honestly, I probably would. I can suck it up, but if it's a big long one, like if it's the extended version of Lord of the Rings, but the whole time something's stabbing me in the butt... I don't think I could do it.

SAREENA:
No, but we've seen Lord of the Rings, so that's okay. But yeah, hopefully whatever it is that's making me uncomfortable isn't too great, but considering it's coming from you, it might be.

MELISSA:
[laughs] Well, I'll leave that to your imagination.

SAREENA:
Great, thank you. Thank you so much.

[Film countdown sound effect.]

SAREENA:
Okay, so Melissa - would you rather star in a live-action film series that's okay, but you obviously get more work, kind of think of Fast and Furious, that kind of film series? Or would you rather be a voice actor in an animated film that's very popular, but you might not get a sequel for a million years - so kind of like The Incredibles.

MELISSA:
Hey, they got their sequel in the end, didn't they?

SAREENA:
They did, after quite some time, but you know.

MELISSA:
Oh yeah. I think it was like 10+ years.

SAREENA:
Yeah, but you could be with the Fast and Furious franchise and get work every so often.

MELISSA:
No, I think I'll go with the voice acting, I honestly... physical acting, I don't think is for me, as I am squishy and old and weak, so.... but voice acting, I think that'd be so cool! I mean, really and truly, what you've described there sounds like a dream come true for me.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
I mean... I really want to try voice acting, and now that I have the perfect set up to do so, I could!

SAREENA:
Yeah! I totally think you should - ['awww' sound effect] - I think you'd be great at it. But yeah, when I was devising this question I was like 'yeah, she's totally gonna go with the voice actor option.'

[Laughter from both sides.]

SAREENA:
I'll go with the okay film series-

MELISSA:
[laughing] Yeah?

SAREENA:
'Cause at least it would be exposure, you know, get my fantastic personality out there.

[Both laughing again.]

MELISSA:
I mean, I'd pay to watch your movies, absolutely I would!

SAREENA:
Yay!

MELISSA:
Yeah! I'd pay to see all... 20 of your movies!

SAREENA:
[cracking up] It'd just be a running joke, 'when will they ever stop?'

MELISSA:
They have to come up with all the fun epithets for the movies, like Sareena in "This Movie", "This Movie 2", "This Movie 3", "This Movie: Revelations", "This Movie: Tokyo Drift".

SAREENA:
You know, from the Fast and Furious series, Tokyo Drift is the only one I have seen, and-

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
-it's the one everyone says is the worst one, but I just really love the music from, so I don't know if that makes me just... even worse by admitting that, but... But I like it!

MELISSA:
That's the thing, everyone's got their terrible movies they enjoy. They're good popcorn movies, you watch them not because they're good, but because they're fun!

SAREENA:
Yeah, I'm here for entertainment! [crashing sound effect]

MELISSA:
Speaking of which, my sister and I, we found a really terrible, low budget- one of those sci-fi horror movies?

SAREENA:
Right.

MELISSA:
And it was so funny, it was ... the funniest thing in the world, because there are three actors in the movie; the main girl, I didn't think she could carry the movie on her own, but the director certainly did! She's like a survivor, she's holed up in her lab in the middle of nowhere, and she has a grudge against these aliens.

But what killed me was that the aliens were like.... they were wearing a Party City bodysuit and alien mask, and I was dying! Any sort of dramatic tension in this movie bled away the second the alien popped up, it was like 'oh hulloooo!' and then disappeared again, and I was - [chittering laughter sound effect] - losing it, oh my god.

SAREENA:
I watched Labyrinth with David Bowie-

MELISSA:
Oh!

SAREENA:
-and the pre-Muppet things, so I was just watching in horror, and also weird fascination. People enjoyed this back in the day, this was top tier cinematics! It's funny how, obviously,  things age.

MELISSA:
Yeah, but this movie that I'm watching came out last year, so there's no excuse!

SAREENA:
Well. Well, budget. Budget hits us hard, doesn't it?

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
I mean, I do love me the Muppets though, like any sort of Muppet-y things with puppets instead of CGI, I generally tend to gravitate towards, but that's just me.

SAREENA:
Yeah, that is just you.

MELISSA:
Hey, hey!

SAREENA:
It was an interesting experience.

MELISSA:
You know, it's like when you find that movie that everyone's like 'oh man this movie's so good!' and you watch it and you're like '.....why'?

SAREENA:
Yeah. 'But why....'

MELISSA:
'Why?' Like Roma, apparently!

SAREENA:
No, I would watch all of the puppet films over Roma ever again, oh my god.

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
It's playing in my mind now and I'm like, 'oh, the pain!' A fun fact about Tokyo Drift is one of the side characters - she's Japanese, she actually plays Rei in the live-action Sailor Moon series.

MELISSA:
Oh, no way!

SAREENA:
Yeah, and I was like, 'wait! I recognize her from somewhere, from my other niche TV-watching!'

[Both cracking up.]

SAREENA:
Maybe that's why I liked Tokyo Drift, I was like Sailor Moon's here!

MELISSA:
Sailor Mars is here!

SAREENA:
Yes, from Sailor Moon.

MELISSA:
And also - I imagine, not at the time, but we've been to Tokyo, we know how glamourous the streets are!

SAREENA:
Yes, that's true. But I had watched this years- I dunno, when I was like 14 or something, but yeah.

MELISSA:
Oh my god. You were just a baby then!

SAREENA:
I was just a baby! I went to get a COVID test - just 'cause, they were offering it for free and I was like 'yeah, let's be safe', and I went and got it. And obviously I was wearing my mask to go into the centre, I said to the guy, 'hey I'm here for my test', and he kind of - really a bit aggressively went - [shock sound effect] "How old are you?!" And I was like, '28, why??' and he was like 'oh, you look so young!!'

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
[also cracking up] I'm like "EXCUSE ME! I wouldn't be here, I can read, it says 'not available to under-16 year-olds, but did you think I was less than 16??"

MELISSA:
Oh my god!

SAREENA:
"You're just wearing a mask and I can only see your eyes!" I'm like, 'yes, and??'

MELISSA:
I mean.... that's fair, but I don't think you can pass as a 16 year-old! I mean, I love you but you're not 16!

SAREENA:
No, I accept that, I accept that, I have my one grey hair, it's fine!

[More laughter from both.]

MELISSA:
Oh my god.

SAREENA:
But yeah. I was just like... I was taken aback by how taken aback he was, and I was just like 'oh okay!'

MELISSA:
It's like, 'you're not allowed in this 18A-rated film, get outta here! What are you, three kids in a trenchcoat?'

SAREENA:
No, I'm not that tall either!

MELISSA:
That's true, actually. Okay fine, 3 hamsters in a trenchcoat.

SAREENA:
Okay well. I think you just went too much the other way!

MELISSA:
Oh well, okay! I mean - yeah, I would happily pay money to see all of your sequels, and see if you gain a reputation for- as Sean Bean, as the one who always dies in it.

SAREENA:
[aghast] What? No! No! Forever alive!

MELISSA:
[laughing] You are eternal.

SAREENA:
Forever 16!

MELISSA:
Oh, you're a vampire now, okay.

SAREENA:
Yeah. Oh no, that's another film series that we won't touch on.

MELISSA:
Whoof! No no sir, we're gonna stay from that one!

SAREENA:
Yeah! What's your next question?

[Film countdown sound effect.]

MELISSA:
Oh my god, you keep doing this! It's not the same question, but you keep bringing up things that actually work really well with my question, so this is good!

SAREENA:
Yay!

MELISSA:
So, would you rather live in a world that has movie car physics, or a world that has movie fight scene physics?

SAREENA:
Ooooh!

MELISSA:
[laughs] You could be drifting all over the place! [car zooming sound effect]

SAREENA:
I could be drifting all over the place in my imaginary car!

[Laughter from both sides.]

SAREENA:
Hmm. And I don't fight people.... often.

MELISSA:
Oh, 'often' she says! That at least implies a few!

SAREENA:
There's always a possibility when I see myself in the mirror, I'm like 'YOU! Always getting in my way, self-saboteur!', you know?

MELISSA:
Aww, stop that!

SAREENA:
But ooh. I feel if we went with car physics, that obviously means it would apply to the world and I think that would scare me.

MELISSA:
[laughs] It's true, you take a wrong turn and all of a sudden - [tire screeching and car crash sound effect] - there's a three car pileup and they just blow up!

SAREENA:
Yeah, and you're just like 'aaaah!' But the explosions in films tend to be not as realistic, so at least you could, y'know, walk that off. It's fine, it's fine!

MELISSA:
It's true, actually. 'Cause you know, cool guys don't look at explosions, so you could do that - your beloved... I dunno, Chevy blows up and you turn your back on it and walk away all slow-mo and cool-like.

SAREENA:
[highly amused] A Chevy! I don't think I've ever seen a Chevy in the UK!

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
I mean, I've seen a couple of Mustangs, but a Chevy, I think that's one too far. [laughs]

MELISSA:
Okay, well, I don't know anything about cars, you're the expert here, clearly!

SAREENA:
The blue one! [laughing again]

MELISSA:
It's a mini Cooper, I dunno! Are those common, in the UK?

SAREENA:
Yeah, I learned how to drive in a mini Cooper.

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
But not- no, it's not like the classic, tiny one!

MELISSA:
Oh, okay.

SAREENA:
One of the modern ones. Which is really nice, if I were to get a first car, I would want it to be a mini Cooper, but I live in a place that's got good public transport, and now we live in a world where no one goes outside anyways, so.

MELISSA:
[guffaws]

SAREENA:
['La Cucaracha' car horn sound effect] I don't think I'll ever have my 'first car' moment, but...

[Laughter from both sides.]

MELISSA:
Hey, you might! Hope springs eternal, yeah?

SAREENA:
Well, a hovercar, that's where my expectations have gone to!

MELISSA:
And that would also be subject to movie physics, so hey! Be careful.

SAREENA:
I'll go with fight physics, because that would be less problematic, maybe?

MELISSA:
It's just - you know, it doesn't happen often, but when it does, oh my god it's a big huge hullabaloo! You throw one punch one inch away from somebody's face, they go FLYING! They hit the wall, they're DOWN!

SAREENA:
Yeah. No, I think that would be fun. Just to have that.

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
'That would be fun', she says!

SAREENA:
[punch sound effect] Kapow! [another punch sound effect] Bam!

MELISSA:
[squeaky toy noise sound effect] I mean, honestly I would go with that one too, just because - you know, it's ilke you learn these skills in the hopes that you don't have to use them one day, right?

SAREENA:
Yeah, exactly. And as a black belt in jiu jitsu, and I dabbled in a bit of Muay Thai and Wing Chun, you know - don't mess!

[Record scratch sound effect.]

MELISSA:
Wait, so you actually DO have a black belt?

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
Oh, no way! Right on!

SAREENA:
Yeah! [laughs] Jump out of planes with my black belt, and my cats!

MELISSA:
Wow. One of those things is not like the others!

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
I mean, I took martial arts way back in the day, but when I say 'way back in the day' I mean way back in the day, my age had just barely breached the double digits, THAT long ago.

SAREENA:
The age where you need discipline!

MELISSA:
'You have all this excess energy, cool! Go take martial arts! Fight it out!'

SAREENA:
Yeah. But no, that sounds fun, I'll take that.

[Film countdown sound effect.]

SAREENA:
Okay, so for my final question: would you rather have all your films be experienced in 5-D - so basically, you're always moving, you get air whooshed at you, you can smell it, if there's water you get water splashed on you, OR - you watch any film, but it's just in the lowest quality, like it's just in the standard quality? It's not HD or anything.

MELISSA:
I mean, that's fine. As long as it isn't fuzzy, potato, 240p quality, then that's fine.

SAREENA:
Not 240, but - I dunno, 340?

MELISSA:
Oh, so just a half-step up then.

SAREENA:
Yeah. You know, you're watching Lord of the Rings, you're watching something that's supposed to be epic, and it's just fuzzy.

MELISSA:
But every movie I watch has to be in this format?

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Oh man, I don't think I could handle that! Because when you mentioned 5-D, I'm like 'wait a minute, 4-D movies I HAVE seen and enjoyed (to some degree)', like I'll sit in a chair and it moves around. 'Oh wow, this is really cool! It's jerking from side to side as if I'm actually in this car!'

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Or it rumbles whenever there's earthquakes and things, I've done that.

SAREENA:
Mmhmm.

MELISSA:
But with another, additional dimension on there? I don't know if I could do it! Unpleasant things happen in movies!

SAREENA:
Yeah. Imagine watching the Pirates of the Caribbean- [cracks up]

MELISSA:
Yeah, that's where my mind went too.

SAREENA:
You know, getting sloshed about - [splashing sound effect] - with water, you're like 'okay!'

MELISSA:
'Everything smells like rum! Why is it raining??'

SAREENA:
It wouldn't be like exactly, but you're getting water chucked at you and stuff, you would be like 'ah, okay' This is my life now'.

MELISSA:
Oh my god, no! For watching movies that I've already seen, maybe. New movies? Absolutely not! I'd have to wear a full-body - what, what do you call them? Anoraks? Raincoats? Whatever.

SAREENA:
Oh, yeah.

MELISSA:
Having to wear a full-body one of those just to watch a slasher movie? No way! Not into it.

SAREENA:
Fair enough. [laughing]

MELISSA:
They had a f- they called it a 4-D movie experience, but they had something like that, it was a 3-D movie - you know, one of those cheesy ones that had all the gimmicks-

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
- 'oh this guy's reaching through the screen to grab you!' That kind of thing. And you did actually get puffed in the face with air, and spritzed with water and... oh my god, this is what kind of killed me, because at one point they were blowing air by your feet in the theatre, so it felt like rats were scurrying around your ankles.

SAREENA:
Oooh, yeah.

MELISSA:
Oh my god, everyone lost their MINDS, there was screaming for like 30 straight seconds.

SAREENA:
Yeah, I can imagine. [laughing]

MELISSA:
And you want to watch a whole movie like that?!

SAREENA:
Invigorate all the senses!

MELISSA:
I watch movies to relax, not to get my heart rate pumping and going!

SAREENA:
Too bad! This is life now.

MELISSA:
Not my movie life! I'd rather watch things with garbage quality, honestly. I don't think I could stomach that.

SAREENA:
Fair enough. I think I'll take it, you know?

MELISSA:
Really?

SAREENA:
I mean, I don't have to watch films!

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
There's other things I can watch, like Youtube! So when I would go to watch a film, I would get myself ready.

MELISSA:
This is the Splash Zone - everywhere's a Splash Zone!

SAREENA:
Exactly. So I'd be well-prepared, it wouldn't be something I would go into lightly.

MELISSA:
Right.

SAREENA:
But it'd be funny if I was watching a film with someone who didn't realize that this was how I had to watch films-

MELISSA:
Oh no!

SAREENA:
I'd be like 'Surprise!'

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
Oh, that'd be awful!! Be like, 'why are you putting on your winter jacket? What are you expecting?' "Oh, you know..."

SAREENA:
'Just a slight chill!' while we're watching Frozen.

MELISSA:
Oh my god, no! Stop that, you put that away!

SAREENA:
Okay. I'll let it go, that's fine. [sad trombone sound effect]

MELISSA:
I hate you.

SAREENA:
[cracking up, of course]

MELISSA:
That's the funny thing, we watched Frozen together!

SAREENA:
We did!

MELISSA:
And it's been how many years since it came out?

SAREENA:
I don't know.... was it 2014?

MELISSA:
No, you know what? I think it was 2013, because that was the craze where we were, when we were teaching, still.

SAREENA:
I mean, I was still teaching in 2014! [laughs]

MELISSA:
I mean that's true, so was I, but.

SAREENA:
I mean, in that kind of period, it did come out, yeah. And it was good, we were in Busan-

MELISSA:
Yeah!

SAREENA:
We went to see it, it was good times.

MELISSA:
Yeah. We got our buttered squid movie snacks.

SAREENA:
We sure did! It was so nice.

MELISSA:
It was good stuff.

SAREENA:
Yeah, that was more palatable than just a whole pickle on a stick.

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
I dunno, they sell those at movie theatres- some select movie theatres too.

SAREENA:
Yeah, but I wouldn't get that. Buttered squid I would get, pickles no.

MELISSA:
Oh my god, yeah. I'll draw the line at pickles, but oh man, give me that buttered squid, oh yes.

SAREENA:
Mmhmm. It's not as horrible as it sounds, it's really nice.

MELISSA:
Oh, it's fantastic! Give it a try!

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
Hang on! So, if you're watching this movie in the 5-D experience-

SAREENA:
Yeah?

MELISSA:
-is it only in the theatre? Or does this happen to you when you're at home?

SAREENA:
It would happen to you at home as well. Any time you put a film on-

MELISSA:
Oh no!

SAREENA:
-your magic cinema seat would appear, and you would have to take it. It's not like your bed would suddenly start moving around and things!

MELISSA:
That's what I was worried about, like what if you are in your little blanket heap or whatever, and all of a sudden it's cold, or it shakes around, or you get soaked and you have to dry everything again? That would make just make movie watching just untenable,

SAREENA:
No, special chair would appear for you, just like your perfect hot chocolate, or your fireplace any time you get a chill.

MELISSA:
Oh, that would be nice, so if you were watching something like Frozen you'd have hot chocolate - I would have my- I'd have my smoky fire, just sitting right next to me! That'd be nice.

SAREENA:
Mmhmm, it sure would! So, see our overlapping powers all coming together for the greater good.

MELISSA:
Or the not-so-greater good, depending on what we've chosen in previous episodes.

SAREENA:
But we ignore those, we ignore those, no consequences.

[Laughter from both sides.]

SAREENA:
Only polar bears.

MELISSA:
I'll just have my sea animals- oh, that'd be fun, to watch the Pirates of the Caribbean series and have the power of the sea creatures, just be like 'oh, I'll summon a fish friend to watch this movie with me!'

SAREENA:
Yeah, never alone! [ominously] Never alone.

[More laughter.]

SAREENA:
So what's your last question of the episode?

MELISSA:
That - I already asked my last question!

SAREENA:
What?

MELISSA:
It was the one with the movie physics or the fight physics!

SAREENA:
Did I just end the episode?

MELISSA:
Yeah, actually, you did!

[Both cracking up.]

SAREENA:
Oh well, okay, good job us!

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
I was like, 'what are you talking about?? I already did all my questions!'

[Crickets chirping sound effect.]

SAREENA:
Well then! Over to you, Melissa!

[Beep sound effect.]

MELISSA:
[still laughing] Well, thank you for passing me that baton! And on that note, it's time for the Self-Care Sign-Off!
[gentle chiming music playing throughout]
Speaking of movies, how about watching a movie with a friend through a streaming service? Maybe you can watch their fave movie, and then you can watch one of yours. Maybe discover your new favourite movie! Let us know in the comments what you decide on.

If you'd like to support us, there's a link in the episode description, for our merch, if you want updates and memes there's Insta, and ko-fi, if you'd like to buy us a hot beverage. And as always, the email that you can reach us at is curriedchipsandpoutine@gmail.com. So, we love you, we appreciate you, thanks so much for listening.

BOTH:
Byeeee!

[Outro music fades out.]