CC&P 23: Goin' Down to the Farm!

[Intro music playing.]

SAREENA:
Hello, my favourite fried potatoes! It’s CC & P here! If you’re joining us from the UK, I hope you’ve been able to soak up as many rays of sunshine as possible before enjoying the snow today! If you’re like me, you’ll probably have some Easter eggs to help you cope with the extreme weather, for today’s conversation, hopefully not punctuated by mathematical errors, was chosen by Melissa! So what’s the tea, queen?

MELISSA:
Today's topic is gonna beeeee.... farm animals!

SAREENA:
You know what, when you first told me that you wanted to do farm animals I was kind of surprised, because I remember from our Halloween episode you said you don't like farms?

MELISSA:
Okay look, like I've said before, I like farms in small doses, I will go and visit - but staying there for extended periods of time is out of the question, absolutely.

SAREENA:
So for the duration of our podcast, you can last that long at a farm.

MELISSA:
Basically, yeah. Hey, if it works for me, it works! What about you, though? 'Cause I know you've worked with horses before, so have you spent lots of time on farms?

SAREENA:
Oh yeah, that's where I kept my horse, in the fields of the farm!

MELISSA:
I would hope so, yes!

SAREENA:
Yeah, it wasn't in my back garden. I know I live in Scotland, but...

[Laughter from both.]

SAREENA:
You know, I've spent loads of time on farms, here and in Pakistan, so yeah, I'm pretty comfortable there... except when it does turn to night - [wolf howling sound effect] - and it's just pitch black everywhere... Other than that I'm all good!

MELISSA:
See? SEE? Scary places! And then I have friends who work on farms, so I hear stuff from them, so that's about the extent of my staying on a farm, so... hey.

[More laughter.]

SAREENA:
But why don't you lead us into today's questions?

MELISSA:
You know, I think I will. [question time chime] So, Sareena! Would you rather be woken up by a rooster crowing - [rooster crowing sound effect] - but it's bass boosted?

SAREENA:
[cracking up]

MELISSA:
-or would you rather be woken up by birdsong, but it's autotuned?

SAREENA:
Oh my god! [more cracking up] You're basically describing my favourite music!

MELISSA:
Either or, man!

SAREENA:
Yeah! 'Cause I've moved recently anyway, there's quite a lot of birds around, so we do wake up to the sounds of birds every morning, which is quite nice - and we've discovered that there's actually chickens down the way-

MELISSA:
Really?

SAREENA:
Yeah, let out of their coop for however long. [chicken clucking sound effects] You can hear them clucking around, so it's quite nice.

MELISSA:
Eeee!

SAREENA:
But when you're saying bass-boosted rooster, how many subwoofers are we talking about?

MELISSA:
Uhhh... you know, however many it takes for you to feel it.

SAREENA:
And the birds' autotune, is that just like... all birds all the time now? They're all autotuned?

MELISSA:
No, just when you're trying to sleep, or when you're about to wake up.

SAREENA:
Hmmm.

MELISSA:
You'll still be able to hear chickens clucking, although I think autotuned clucking would be hilarious.

SAREENA:
I think so. [laughs] And so it's just for the period of trying to wake up?

MELISSA:
Yes. Think every bird you hear is autotuned or bass-boosted.

SAREENA:
Bass boosted! I think I will go with the rooster, 'cause at least there should only be one going off?

MELISSA:
That's true, actually!

SAREENA:
Whereas with the rest of the birds, you don't know who's about - if it's the crows, the magpies, the parakeets, everybody's here. So I'll take DJ Rooster! [airhorn sound effect]

MELISSA:
[laughing] Just saying, are there wild parakeets in London? This is news to me!

SAREENA:
There are tons of them, because I think a domestic one got out and then-

MELISSA:
[gasps]

SAREENA:
-made many, many, MANY more! [laughs]

MELISSA:
Oh goodness gracious!

SAREENA:
Yeah, so you do see them everywhere, and it is a bit jarring, 'cause you've got obviously the darker bird is more accustomed in London, and then you've got these bright green parakeets chilling, and you're like "Oh, so exotic!"

MELISSA:
That's so weird! Okay, I guess that would be exotic for London, wouldn't it?

SAREENA:
Yes. What would you do?

MELISSA:
Oh man. Um, I feel like maybe the autotuned birdsong?

SAREENA:
Really?

MELISSA:
Because- well, where I live, okay I get a lot of birds too, but roosters not so much, so if I'm hearing a rooster I've got other questions, I'm thinking.

SAREENA:
Other than 'why is that rooster bass boosted'?

MELISSA:
I mean, yes, and "why's it crowing in my little area of the city, where there are no chickens". Although I think where I am, you're allowed to keep chickens as pets in your backyard, but under very specific conditions?

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
'Cause I know one of my friends had chickens, but then again they lived in Niagara Falls, so it's a bit wilder over there.

SAREENA:
Yeah!

[Both cracking up.]

SAREENA:
But autotuned birds definitely would have a different flavour when you're trying to sleep.

MELISSA:
... I can't imitate what autotune sounds like with my regular voice.

SAREENA:
Yeah. But I have a very important question that I want to ask you, Melissa.

MELISSA:
All right?

SAREENA:
How long do chickens work?

MELISSA:
[hesitantly] I... don't know?

SAREENA:
Around the cluck! Oh yeah! [rimshot sound effect]

[Very one-sided cracking up, aka just Sareena.]

MELISSA:
Wow. WOW.

SAREENA:
I'm quite pleased with that one.

MELISSA:
[pained] Oh my god, you WOULD be! Oh, that's low-hanging fruit there, my friend!

SAREENA:
You know, and I'm not surprised - they do work very hard, chickens.

MELISSA:
Clucking around, eating grapes and things!

SAREENA:
Somebody's gotta do it!

MELISSA:
It's true. Why not me? All right, are ya ready to hit us with question number 2?

SAREENA:
Yes I am! [question time chime] So, question number 2! Imagining you have your farm, instead of using border collies as your herding animal, would you rather use chickens or rabbits?

MELISSA:
Oh my god. It's another one of those dodging a bullet moments, I had a shepherding question and I changed it at the very last second!

[Both cracking up.]

SAREENA:
We've clearly got this instinct now, to be like, "oh no, it's gonna be the same! We're gonna think the same!"

MELISSA:
Yep! It's so funny! Mine would've had more exotic animals, but okay, chickens - a chicken, or a bunch of them?

SAREENA:
I mean, considering their size, I'm gonna say a bunch of them. And you could also herd using multiple border collies as well.

MELISSA:
This is true, actually. Same thing with the rabbits, I'm assuming?

SAREENA:
Yes. I'm not gonna give you a giant rabbit to herd your sheep.

MELISSA:
That would be horrifying. I mean, certain breeds of rabbits can get massive, though -

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
-so not too far off the mark, but I don't know, man, I don't trust rabbits.

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
I really don't! All of the experiences I've had with them have been terrible!

SAREENA:
Really?

MELISSA:
Yes. I don't know what it is, just - my friend had rabbits, and one of my friends has rabbits now, and he swears up and down that they're great, but again, I don't trust 'em. But this one was the most hateful creature, like its horrible dead-eyed gaze would just follow you wherever you went, and then if not, then she would attack your ankles just trying to walk around... and she peed everywhere!! So it was like, "okay you know what, I don't you". It was the scratching, I think, that really got me, 'cause I was not expecting it.

SAREENA:
Yeah, no that's fair. I mean, you have to be used to rabbits - I'm not very used to rabbits, I think my greatest exposure to rabbits was when I came down from the bedroom and came into the kitchen, and there was like... This was in Scotland, so where my cats live - and there was a pool of, ah... indescribable liquid, and I was like 'oh, okay'. And then I went to clean it up, and as I was down on the floor I noticed something was looking at me - [SHOCK sound effect] - and I was like "ah, what's that?"

And I moved the TV, and there was a rabbit! And it's totally petrified, not even moving, and I'm like "are ya dead? Are ya alive?"

MELISSA:
Oh god.

SAREENA:
So I went and got a towel and put it over it, it doesn't move, so I pick it up - but it is alive, it was just playing dead, and so stressed that one of my cats had obviously manhandled it into the house.

MELISSA:
Geez, yeah!

SAREENA:
I was like, "what do I do?!" I'm just holding this wild rabbit, and showing my grandmother like "Here! Look!" And she was like, "just put it outside", I was like "okay"...

[Both laughing.]

MELISSA:
Oh my god. Oh, that's another thing about rabbits, rabbits and horses, if they can find a  way to hurt themselves, they'll do it! That same friend, by the way, talking about how their rabbit was like, "yeah, every day is a constant battle against death because this rabbit has no sense of self-preservation!" So it was like, 'gonna chew the wires! Or go headlong into a fence or something, or shove a bit of straw up its nose', I'm like "what??"

SAREENA:
I mean, that's normal of humans too, you get some people like that!

MELISSA:
Children like that!

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
If you're older than a certain age then there's no excuse for that!

SAREENA:
I don't know, people find a way! Life finds a way!

MELISSA:
[laughs] This is true, this is true. But we've veered semi-off topic, so I'm gonna steer it back- ha ha, I'm gonna herd it back - [boing sound effect] -

SAREENA:
Yep!

MELISSA:
-to I think I would rather have a group of herding chickens, because that would be hilarious.

SAREENA:
Yeah, I will join you with the chickens, 'cause I just- there's something about chickens, they do have bit of an attitude. Having command over such unpredictable beings-

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
- would be quite something.

MELISSA:
I mean, have you seen the chickens in the Legend of Zelda games? Those things will mess you up!

SAREENA:
Yes. If you try to pick a fight with them, they will summon their army to exact revenge on you.

MELISSA:
Exact horrible, feathery revenge. But yeah, I'd go with the chicken, I actually wouldn't mind having a pet chicken, I think they're cute.

SAREENA:
Mmhmm, yeah.

MELISSA:
And from what I've heard from everybody who's had chickens that they're good pets, so hey! Can't complain.

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
They could be absolute shepherding demons though, which I'm kind of tickled about. Let's go with that.

SAREENA:
Winner winner chicken dinner, huh?

MELISSA:
[descending bloop sound effect] Oh my god, that is GROSSLY inappropriate-

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
-they are a working member of the family, how dare you! [also laughing]

SAREENA:
I'll hide the peri-peri salt.

MELISSA:
[gasp] You monster!

SAREENA:
[more laughter]

MELISSA:
Well you know what, I think it's time to move on then, before Sareena gets any more takeout ideas!

SAREENA:
Yep.

MELISSA:
So we're on question 3, now - [question time chime] - so, Sareena, I know you love both of these animals, but...

SAREENA:
[suspicious] Uh-huh...

MELISSA:
So, would you rather have cats that neigh? Or horses that meow?

SAREENA:
[cracking up] Watch me whip, watch me neigh-neigh!

MELISSA:
Get OUT of here!

SAREENA:
It's kind of like... what would be the most jarring? Watching a cat blow a raspberry - [horse blowing a raspberry sound effect] - or-

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
-or a horse have a gentle meow?

MELISSA:
Oh my god, I don't know. You know what, now that I think about it, that's kind of worrisome, isn't it? You know how cats meow when they want to be fed? Mrreeeow, but coming from your horse.

SAREENA:
Yeah, but to be fair horses can make a range of noises as well.

MELISSA:
This is also true.

SAREENA:
But I think I would take a meowing horse?

MELISSA:
Yeah?

SAREENA:
Yeah, 'cause at least for a cat they generally are smaller than you, and I think it'd be weird for such a big noise to come from them?

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
A neigh comes from the soul!

MELISSA:
Does it?

SAREENA:
It does, it really does! Horses have a lot of internal organs and body parts and things, there's a lot of vibrations going on, for it to come out, but with cats I like their purring too much. I'll leave them be, and then- I was gonna say, I'll have a neighing horse, I'll have a meowing horse!

[Both laughing.]

MELISSA:
I mean, I hope your horse is neighing, and also I hope your horse has all of its organs in place! More organs means more horse, don't you know?

[More laughter.]

SAREENA:
It's like, cheetahs meow but you wouldn't think that they would, because they're a big cat, and then they're just like - [cheetah meowing sound effect] - and you're like, "oh, okay".

MELISSA:
I mean, big cats, they're still just cats, have you seen pictures- it's like lions and leopards and things like that, and they're just fitting in their box and stuff like that, or playing with a ball and things. They're still big fluffy cats, they're not immune to things like that.

SAREENA:
No, they just wanna play with you, with their murder mittens.

MELISSA:
"Yes, yes, let me hug you with my two-inch claws!"

SAREENA:
Yes. But no, I will take my meowing ponies, thank you. What about you?

MELISSA:
I think I would also do that, just because I have far less interaction with horses? I am more likely to come across a cat than a horse.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
So I think if I lived in a world where all cats neighed, I don't think I'd want to!

SAREENA:
[laughs]

MELISSA:
My sister's cat Maddie would just neigh at us - [neighing sound effect] - if she wanted wet food, and I don't think I could live with that, sorry!

SAREENA:
Yeah, that would be quite something.

MELISSA:
So yeah, let's go with the meowing horses, although I imagine if horses could purr they might, I don't know, I have no experience with horses.

SAREENA:
Yeah, I mean I could see that being a possibility, because they have very soft muzzles and things-

MELISSA:
They do, yeah.

SAREENA:
-you know, they're quite affectionate as well, so it might be nice if they had a little purr, but at the moment they don't. I don't know what evolution has in store for everybody, you know? I'm not privy to that kind of information!

MELISSA:
Hey, we'll check in the next couple of thousand years after evolution's taken its course, it's fine, NBD.

SAREENA:
Yeah. [question time chime] All right, question number 4: would you rather have sheep that grow natural rainbow wool, or cows that produce chocolate milk?

MELISSA:
[GASP]

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
Ohhh, this is fun! Chocolate milk... that was a thing in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which actually makes me laugh.

SAREENA:
Really?

MELISSA:
Yeah, one of the rooms that Willy Wonka shows the kids is like this room where his precious cows that give chocolate milk are, which makes me laugh. Rainbow wool, though... we've had gay snow, now we can have gay wool!

SAREENA:
Gay sheep! Well, yeah.

MELISSA:
Gay sheep... wait, so - the cows aren't eating anything out of the ordinary, they're not eating chocolate to make this chocolate milk, are they?

SAREENA:
No, it's just-

MELISSA:
Normal grass?

SAREENA:
Yeah, it's just they've got magic organs to make this chocolate milk.

[Laughter from both.]

MELISSA:
Oh my goodness gracious. Okay, for the wool- the sheep colours, then- the sheep colours, the wool colours, excuse me - are there variants? Like could I get a different array of colours if I get wool from sheep in this region or something?

SAREENA:
I would say, it's your sheep and... let's say they change with seasons-

MELISSA:
[delighted gasp]

SAREENA:
So maybe you'll get for cherry blossom season they're all pink, and then the next season-

MELISSA:
[more delighted gasping]

SAREENA:
-they're all yellow, and maybe you'll get ones that are the rainbow, and so.

MELISSA:
Oh my god. Oh my god, yeah, I'm gonna have to go with that, I'm sorry but that's fantastic. Colour-changing sheep? And with a renewable, good for you clothing fibre?

SAREENA:
Mmhmm, yeah!

MELISSA:
Yes! Yes, absolutely, 100% yes!

SAREENA:
[gavel banging sound effect] Sold! To the lady in the rainbow jacket!

[Laughter from both.]

MELISSA:
Made it myself!

SAREENA:
Yeah! From my sheep!

MELISSA:
From my sheep, yeah. Can I assume you're gonna go with the chocolate milk cows? You fiend, you?

SAREENA:
No, no, I'm gonna go with the rainbow wool, 'cause I am lactose intolerant and I shouldn't be doing anything that encourages my body's displeasure-

MELISSA:
[scoffing laughter]

SAREENA:
-in that department, so I'll- I will leave that, even though as fantastic as that is, I think there is much more to be gained from the rainbow wool. Like, we ordered something and the packaging was made from wool, actually.

MELISSA:
Ooh, really?

SAREENA:
Instead of bubble wrap they put wool in, 'cause they come from a farm?

MELISSA:
Okay.

SAREENA:
They were like, a natural substance, not harming anybody and naturally decompose, and we're like 'oh, this is such a good idea'. Pack wool, everybody!

MELISSA:
Wool's great! I believe it is also the only fibre that will keep you warm even when you're wet, which is very very important, especially if you live in colder climates, or somewhere where it gets damp easy.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
It'll still get wet and it'll still be gross, but it won't sap the heat away from your body the way other stuff does, like cotton - cotton is terrible for warmth, it's all about breathing so it's better for hotter climates, right?

SAREENA:
Mmhmm, yeah.

MELISSA:
But wool specifically, I think it's the only fibre that does that. Which is why wool's great!

SAREENA:
That's good to know!

MELISSA:
Yeah!

SAREENA:
You know, CC&P, delivering the facts here!

[Laughter from both.]

MELISSA:
It's trivia, it's all it is.

SAREENA:
But, why did the cow cross the road?

MELISSA:
Oh boy, why?

SAREENA:
To get to the udder side! [mooing sound effect]

MELISSA:
Okay, that one I have heard, I am not giving you props for that-

SAREENA:
Why not?

MELISSA:
-sorry, too basic! Zero outta ten!

[Cracking up from both anyway.]

SAREENA:
You can only try, you can only try.

MELISSA:
Well, here's one for you! So, knock knock.

SAREENA:
Who's there?

MELISSA:
Interrupting cow.

SAREENA:
Interrupting cow wh-

MELISSA:
MOO.

SAREENA:
I mean, you did let me finish, I haven't heard that joke before!

MELISSA:
Yeah. But hey, that's what we're working with today, folks!

SAREENA:
All right, wait wait, I've got another one.

MELISSA:
Oh boy.

SAREENA:
What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?

MELISSA:
What do you get?

SAREENA:
An animal that's in a baa-aad moooooood! [descending sproing sound effect] 

MELISSA:
[absolutely pained] Oh my god, ohhhh myyyy goooddd, that's horrible!

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
How dare you!

SAREENA:
I'm enjoying how much pain this is giving you, I'm not gonna lie.

MELISSA:
Don't worry, I've got one for you later!

SAREENA:
Aaah!

MELISSA:
Never a good deed goes unpunished on this show, it's great.

[More laughter.]

SAREENA:
Gotta pick your moments, everybody.

MELISSA:
We do.

SAREENA:
But let's move on to your next question.

MELISSA:
My last question! [question time chime] So it's question number 5.

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
Would you rather run from a stampede of angry swans? Or one really big, really angry pig?

SAREENA:
Oh god. Do you remember when we went to Toronto Island, and we saw that really big pig in the petting zoo?

MELISSA:
Yes.

SAREENA:
That took me completely by surprise, so that's why I'm like, having to think about this.

MELISSA:
[laughs]

SAREENA:
I don't mind swans? We're all chill, I'll hand-feed swans or whatever-

MELISSA:
[horrified] Really?

SAREENA:
Yeah, I'm like "here, take it!"

MELISSA:
Oh my god!

SAREENA:
Yeah, they're smart enough to know what's my hand and what's food, and I'm not here to steal their babies, so why would they break my arm? You know, it's fine, people! But piggies... they can get quite chunky.

MELISSA:
Yes.

SAREENA:
But why? Why are they coming for me?

MELISSA:
You have done something to offend their forefathers so they're coming after you with a vengeance.

SAREENA:
Oh dear. And how many swans are we talking about?

MELISSA:
Well, a whole... I believe the word is, it's not a gaggle, it's a gaggle of geese, I don't know what a group of swans is called, but-

SAREENA:
Flock?

MELISSA:
I guess flock? I mean flock kinda works generally for any bird, I suppose.

SAREENA:
Yeah, uh-huh.

MELISSA:
But a big flock, so I'm gonna say at least... 15, 20?

SAREENA:
Oh god, that IS a lot. Um, I'll take the big pig.

[Both laughing.]

SAREENA:
I'll pretend it's like a bull and I'll just have to time my strafes left and right when it's coming for me. And just hope it doesn't have good turning capabilities.

MELISSA:
Basically, yeah. 'Cause you know, have you heard about wild boars and what they're capable of?

SAREENA:
I mean, I know they're pretty good if they're going in a straight line, and they will gore you, but I don't know, like I said, their turning capabilities.

MELISSA:
To be fair, yeah, I don't think they can turn on a dime. But they are relentless, which is I think the determining factor?

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
But then again, swans horrify me! I have had bad experiences with swans also- [with realization] I think I've just been traumatized by wildlife, maybe that's just what my life has been.

SAREENA:
[laughing]

MELISSA:
All right, we'll just air that on the show, it's fine.

SAREENA:
Let's start the healing process, Melissa, it's okay!

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
It's okay, it's a safe place! [gentle music playing]

MELISSA:
Yeah. I've seen them snap at people - 'cause we have lots and lots of Canadian geese in the parks and stuff, they're an annoyance, they're not so much a threat. But I've seen parents try to protect their children from swans because the swan's just flapping at them, like oh my god! So I think I'll take my chances with the one big boy! [growling sound effect]

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
He may get angry, but it's ONE big boy!

SAREENA:
Mmhmm, plus swans can fly as well, so it's like some of them can flap at you and take to the air to come after you as well.

MELISSA:
Oh lord, yeah.

SAREENA:
This whole divide-and-conquer thing, I hope they don't strategize, like - I'll take something that's coming straight for me, you know?

MELISSA:
Yeah. Oh my g- oh my god! "The birds! The birds are strategizing, Sareena, we have to move!"

SAREENA:
[laughing] "Go go go!"

MELISSA:
Horrible. Oh, but you know what that does remind me of?

SAREENA:
What?

MELISSA:
I'm sure you've heard of this, but there's a video game called the Untitled Goose Game, which is similar.

SAREENA:
I have heard of this, yes.

MELISSA:
It's very funny, though, 'cause you get to play as the goose. The tagline for the game is, "It is a lovely day, and you are a horrible goose".

[Both laughing.]

MELISSA:
Yeah, it's very fun, though... You get to be a little monster and annoy the people, and steal their things, you honk at them. There's a designated 'honk' button, so you just press X to honk. ['honk' sound effect from the game]

SAREENA:
That sounds like a good time, I'm sure there's some geese and swans that do that for fun.

MELISSA:
Oh, absolutely!

SAREENA:
I'll stay with the piggie.

MELISSA:
Me too.

SAREENA:
So, obviously, I knew that you didn't like farms because of what you said on our Halloween episode...

MELISSA:
Uh-huh?

SAREENA:
So I couldn't leave here today without giving you a creepy question about farms, so!

MELISSA:
Do it!

SAREENA:
Question number 6 is: when it's dark, no visibility - would you rather have your animals have glowing red eyes? Or have them make the creepiest noises? [low, ominous growling sound effect]

MELISSA:
You know, I think I'd rather have the red eyes, because creepy noises just kinda like, latch themselves in your brain and your ears and they just stay there, you know? Like, you can't unhear something!

SAREENA:
Yes, that's true. I'm still getting over the loon calls - [loon calling sound effect] - that we did in the nature one? It's like "ohhh, oh god!"

MELISSA:
Right? I think some loons actually have red eyes, or is it some other kind of duck, where it's black and white and has red eyes, it looks terrifying. But yeah, loon calls, and fox calls - thanks for that - [fox calling sound effect]

SAREENA:
You're welcome.

MELISSA:
- listening to that, horrible! Absolutely awful! But yeah, I think hearing something when it's dark is a lot scarier, 'cause you can't see it, so you don't know what's making that noise.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
But then, the same could be said for scary red eyes, too. You don't know who those eyes belong to!

SAREENA:
Yeah! And then you're gonna have more than one animal at your farm, so it's gonna be quite a few staring at you when you look out the window and stuff; if you need to go to the bathroom and you look out, just casual, it's like glaring red eyes, "hello". [laughs]

MELISSA:
No thank you! It's like - this is like another Halloween-lite episode, we keep doing this - but they have stories, of like the farmers' gothic tales, that sort of thing; it's like, if you're driving past a farm at night, and you see glowing eyes in the corn, ignore them! You don't want to catch their attention!

Or, this one kind of scares me because I've heard so many people kind of say it, but if you're driving by yourself in a car, put something in the front seat next to you.

SAREENA:
What?

MELISSA:
Because if you don't have something next to you there, it's like an invitation for... something to come join you.

SAREENA:
[SHOCK] Oooooh!

MELISSA:
I don't like that!

SAREENA:
No, the door is closed! There's NO invitation!

MELISSA:
[laughing] Yeah, there's a whole bunch of stories like that, which is another reason why I don't trust farms! You know, it's 'cause of stuff like that - if there's a gate in the middle of nowhere, keep it closed. Stuff like that, I'm just like [scared noises].

SAREENA:
Well it's also common courtesy, if there's a gate and you're going through someone's farm, keep it closed! You don't want to let all the cows and sheep out, don't do that, guys! [laughs]

MELISSA:
Exactly. You also don't know what you're letting in!

SAREENA:
Yes, also true. But anyways.

MELISSA:
Give me the glowy red eyes, though generally I'd like to think that people find them, universally, not a good sign.

SAREENA:
Yeeeah, if something was looking at me with red eyes I'd be like, "ooh, okay, I'm uh... slowly gonna back away from the situation".

MELISSA:
Yes, whereas if you were out on a farm and it was dark and you heard some horrible, autotuned loon call, I feel like that's a whole other kind of horror! Jesus christ.

SAREENA:
That sounds kind of fun, a horror game like, "oh my god, why is it singing Cher?! 'Do you believe in life after love?'"

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
It's got good taste, is what it does! Oh my god, that's so funny. Yeah, I'll go with the red eyes. And that's what you're going with too?

SAREENA:
Yeah, because when the foxes come here, and I hate it, like I lie in bed and I'm just "I want them to go away!" At least if it is glowing red eyes, I can remember where it is every night and be like, "let's just close the blinds early and make sure we don't go outside until the sun is back out". [laughs]

MELISSA:
Basically, yeah. You can go back into your little comfort cave and sleep knowing that those eyes are out there watching you and your every move.

SAREENA:
Uhhh... I mean, I might put on calming music or something? To forget that that's there, but yeah, it's easier to block out for sure than the creepy noises, because your animals could be making creepy noises, but what happens if there's a new creepy noise and you don't know what that one is?

MELISSA:
Ooooh, yeah, I don't like the sounds of that!

[Both laughing.]

MELISSA:
What a note to end the episode on, huh?

SAREENA:
Yeah! How 'bout that Self-Care Sign-Off, Melissa, huh?

MELISSA:
I think that's a fantastic idea! [soft chiming music playing throughout]

So, for today's Self-Care Sign-Off: obviously, we love animals of all sorts on this podcast, be they fuzzy or feathered friends, scaly sidekicks or fishy familiars. If you have a pet, be sure to show them how much you appreciate them! If you don't, pull up a video on the ol' youtube. Nothing wrong with getting your serotonin second-hand, and there's tons of fun animal vids out there!

Ah, my little chickadees! If you'd like to support us even more than you have already, just by listening this far - there's a nice crisp compact link in our episode description waiting for you to click on it. There's merch, updates, and more! And as always, our email is curriedchipsandpoutine@gmail.com.

Thank you so much for listening, we love you and appreciate you very much! Stay delicious!

BOTH:
Byeeeeee!

[Outro music playing.]