CC&P 8: Winter Wonderland Whimsy

[Calm, Christmassy jingling intro music.]

SAREENA:
Hey everyone! I'm Sareena, and my friend over there is Melissa, and we're back to give you a healthy dose of Curried Chips and Poutine. Now, it shouldn't be a surprise from the jingling intro music that this episode is all about the winter wonders. But I want to take a second to remember where we've come from; it's been the ultimate year of ups and downs, disruptions to everyday life and constant updates... and no, I'm not talking about CC&P's stats, instagram page or Melissa and I bugging all of our friends and family to listen to every episode, but of course, COVID19. It really has warped every facet of our life, and it's crazy to believe that we're already in December, and in 3 month's time March will be here again.

Time isn't real, as we've said before, but we received a question from our insta page asking, "when is it too early to start celebrating Christmas?" If it was any other year I would be like, "The middle of December is acceptable", but it's not - it's 2020. And because it's 2020, I think it's more than okay to start the winter wonders ASAP. I've already seen some fantastic lights, trees, and decorations, illuminating the streets, and I really want people to go all out, because you know what? We all deserve it! I know here in the UK, Eid, Diwali and Hanukkah had restrictions on them, but I hope regardless of what we all celebrate, the winter holiday season can be full of cheer and love.

So, I would love to invite you, my lovely listeners, to share a moment of friendship on our insta or email, to help spread the festive cheer. And if you're happy to, we'd love to share those moments in our upcoming episodes. But don't worry, I'll start us off first!

When Melissa and I were living in South Korea, it was really important to make new friends as often as possible, because everything is new and exciting when you're living abroad - and I had arranged to meet this new friend in Melissa's city, they happened to live in the same place. But I think we just messed up on timing or whatever, and I had got there early and the person I was supposed to meet wasn't ready? And I ended up just kind of hanging around, I went to an arcade, and I kind of spent most of the day on my own. You know when you kind of feel like you're not a priority, or you feel a bit forgotten and feel just all around 'bleh', I ended up cancelling with the friend, I was like 'you know what, I'm not really in the mood to meet a new person, I kinda put my best self forward'. So after cancelling with my friend I rang up Melissa, I was like 'hey, can you come and meet me and can we get some food?' And this girl over here, she taxi-ed all the way over to me in record speed just to have some food with me, and I just want to say, Melissa, that is one of our many, many moments in our friendship that I utterly cherish and love, so. Thank you!

MELISSA:
Awww! Thank you! I remember that, actually!

SAREENA:
Do you?

MELISSA:
Vaguely, I can't remember who it was that you were supposed to meet though, but I do remember getting that text from you and being like 'oh my god Sareena needs me!' and going, so.

[Both laughing.]

SAREENA:
And I appreciate it, always do.

MELISSA:
Of course!

SAREENA:
And it's just like, we have so many memories together, and we were saying before we started recording how much we appreciate our friendship and each other, and how we're always a priority in each other's lives; and 2020's been a big disconnect in some ways.

MELISSA:
Oh yeah.

SAREENA:
But in other ways I feel like it's really reconnected us, to make sure we're actually staying in contact more often, so yeah! If you want to share just a nice moment with a friend on our insta page or our email that would be great just to put some more love out there and just reconnect more people, just as the year's coming to an end!

MELISSA:
I'll do another recap of this, a quick reminder for this at the end of the episode too, but - dredge up a really good memory, share it with us! We'd love to hear.

SAREENA:
Yeah, for sure.

MELISSA:
I'll share my really good memory of you too but later, I think?

SAREENA:
[laughs] Well I'm glad it's on me, I mean it could be of any friend, but you know! It should be of me, just sayin'.

MELISSA:
Well, it seems only appropriate to just air some incriminating memory of my cohost on this podcast...

SAREENA:
Excuse me? No no, that's not what I mean, I said a nice memory!

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
Do you want to start off our winter wonderland episode? [sparkling sound effect plays]

MELISSA:
I sure should, huh...

[Both crack up.]

SAREENA:
That doesn't sound very convincing!

MELISSA:
Winter is not my favourite season, really and truly, it's not, despite living in a country where winter is like.... 60% of the weather. Yeah, there's a running gag about the four seasons that we have in Canada, it's like.... Winter, Still Winter, Construction Season and then the July Long Weekend, and that's it.

SAREENA:
[laughing] I remember when I came to visit you, it was like May and I was coming from California where I had no winter stuff with me because obviously I was in California, I was getting that sunshine-

MELISSA:
[wheezing] Yep, I remember this-

SAREENA:
-I remember messaging Melissa and was like, 'hey, what's the weather like?' and you were like 'it's cold!' and I'm like 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S COLD'-

MELISSA:
'Why is it cold?!'

SAREENA:
'-it's May!' And I ended up having to wear half of your winter stuff because-

MELISSA:
Yeah, 'cause it snowed that first day, if you'll remember!

SAREENA:
It did, it did! I remember having to put on a woolly hat, your big jumper and just being so grumpy, I was like 'Melissa what kind of country have I come to? It's MAY!'

MELISSA:
To be fair, that's not normal! Snow in May is not normal for us, despite what I just said! That being said, I thought it was very funny, but obviously you - not so much.

SAREENA:
Coming from that Cali sun, I was not happy.

MELISSA:
That May snowstorm, that freak- yeah, 'cause it was fine the rest of the time you were here!

SAREENA:
It was.

MELISSA:
It was just the first day or two, with literal snow.

SAREENA:
The sky was happy to see me, I'll just say that.

MELISSA:
God, that was so funny, though! You were just so unhappy!

SAREENA:
You did take me to Timmies, so that made it better.

MELISSA:
I did, yes. Yeah, it's that very quintessential of Canadian experiences. There's actually a Timmies commercial which they play at the airports, because it's like - oh, this family! The dad just stepped off the plane, the family hadn't seen him in a long time, and you know his lovely family's there waiting for him with a nice hot cup of Timmies coffee and a box of Timbits... I'm like, come on, guys.

SAREENA:
Aww. That's nice. [laughs]

MELISSA:
I mean, it is. But also it's Timmies, it's a bald-faced- we don't NEED the advertising, everybody knows who Mr. Tim Hortons is!

SAREENA:
Yeah, we have a Tim Hortons in my little hometown of 9 thousand people, so it's amazing. When I was there last I got my auntie and I to just walk down there and get a hot chocolate, I was like 'memories!!'

MELISSA:
I still think that, of ALL the things to have in your hometown, why a Tim Hortons? And it's such a small hometown too...

SAREENA:
Because we deserve it, Melissa, we deserve it!

MELISSA:
Sure, let's go with that!

SAREENA:
There's nothing else happening, you know, besides the Highland cow statues and the sheep and, um....

MELISSA:
You have statues?!

SAREENA:
Yeah, we have bronze statues of Highland cows in our little town centre.

MELISSA:
[shock and awe] WHAT. Okay, that's amazing. I mean, we actually have something kind of similar. It's statues of moose randomly about the city, and they've each been decorated in whichever way. It was kind of like an art project they had quite a while back, but the moose are still there and they're still landmarks, so you can see them.

SAREENA:
Oh, that's cute!

MELISSA:
Mmhmm! But we are getting off topic, let us begin! All right, so! Sareena.

SAREENA:
Mmhmm?

MELISSA:
Would you rather be able to transform into a bear every winter only?

SAREENA:
Okay, yeah?

MELISSA:
Or would you rather have the ability to freely become a polar bear whenever you want?

SAREENA:
Oh my god. So I'm just any type of bear, if I choose a hibernating bear?

MELISSA:
Yeah, it's a hibernating bear, basically - you're becoming a bear just to sleep the winter away... or you can turn into a polar bear whenever you want.

SAREENA:
That's fun! Is it a power that I can control?

MELISSA:
The polar bear bit?

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Yes.

SAREENA:
Okay, so it's not like I sneeze and I'm a polar bear, 'cause that would be frightening for everybody.

MELISSA:
I mean.... it'd add some flavour to the conversation, wouldn't it?

[Laughter from both sides.]

SAREENA:
Ooh, that's really fun! I think it'd be cool to be a polar bear at any point of the year, because I get cold quite easily, so-

MELISSA:
You do, yep.

SAREENA:
-and we both live in countries that it is cold even though it's supposed to be summer or whatever... so I could be warm and snuggly all the time, like in bed, or if I'm outside I'll just turn into a polar bear and people would be like '[gasp] Run away!'

MELISSA:
Yeah, I mean you'd be given a wide berth no matter where you went, that's for sure!

SAREENA:
And that would be very COVID-safe, so you know... I'ma go with the polar bear, that sounds fantastic. Although, it seems like if I did it too often the zookeepers or something might have to come after me so I'd have to be careful how often I used it.

MELISSA:
And also where you went, you couldn't just toddle down to the shops in polar bear form, like 'aaah, shoot - I forgot to transform back'.

SAREENA:
Yeah, like if all my shopping got really heavy I could transform into a polar bear and carry it back, and everyone's gasping in fear and I'm like 'hey I paid for this! I have my receipt!'

MELISSA:
You know, that reminds me, actually - I don't know if bears - if polar bears specifically, can go fast?

SAREENA:
Yeah, I feel polar bears would still be able to get you, because the advice is if you see a polar bear you should avoid it at all costs.

MELISSA:
Yeah...

SAREENA:
And I think it can- I think it's about 25 miles per hour? It can do short sprints-

MELISSA:
Oh, god.

SAREENA:
-and.... get you.

MELISSA:
Okay, so that seems to be on brand for I guess the bear species as a whole. Sareena... if you are a polar bear, please don't come galloping at me down the street at full-tilt, please.

SAREENA:
But I'm so excited to see you!

MELISSA:
I mean, I would be too, but this kind of excitement ranges from being terrified to 'oh my god what's a polar bear doing here?'

SAREENA:
It's fine, I'll have spray paint of my name on my side or something, so you just know it's me.

MELISSA:
[cracking up] Just shave a patch, just shave your name on your side there.

SAREENA:
Yeah, it's fine, you'll know it's me - I mean, one: you probably wouldn't see a polar bear in your city, just - y'know, trotting on by.

MELISSA:
Nnnno.

SAREENA:
Coming specifically to your door, either.

MELISSA:
I would be, just- lock all the doors and windows and pray that you go away, 'cause I'm like 'whyyyy'!

SAREENA:
'Melissa! I know you're in there! Scratch scratch!'

MELISSA:
Noooo!

[Laughter from both.]

MELISSA:
It's like the Christmas/Halloween special had a child and here we are.

SAREENA:
'The Polar Bear Before Christmas'.

MELISSA:
'Polar Express', am I right? Eh? Eh?

SAREENA:
Choo choo!

[Laughter tapering off into sadder noises.]

SAREENA:
I don't know if my stomach has recovered from all of our bad jokes from the pirate episode, I will admit. [laughs]

MELISSA:
I had the time of my life, it was great.

SAREENA:
Good.

[More laughter again.]

SAREENA:
So what would you do? Would you like to be a bear just to hibernate the winter away, or become a polar bear any time?

MELISSA:
I mean.... at first the idea of being a polar bear and hibernating seemed delightful, but since my city's in Lockdown 2.0, that's almost a reality anyways.

SAREENA:
Mmm.

MELISSA:
If I lived in the countryside then I'd be a polar bear- no, you know what, I'm gonna be a hibernating bear, I'll do it. Hi-bear-nating.

SAREENA:
Hi-bear-nating, very good....

MELISSA:
Hi-bear-nating, yes! I just... 'cause there are polar bears in the more northern- in the really, REALLY northern parts of Ontario? But obviously, I don't live there, so if I lived somewhere more rural I'd do that. But as it stands, I'll just be a city bear, asleep in my bed, snoring for the rest of the winter.

SAREENA:
That sounds nice... 'I'm just a city bear'. [laughs] That was fun, that's nice. Nice and fuzzy to start us off.

MELISSA:
Yeah!

SAREENA:
Would you rather have Christmas decorations on the front of your house all year round, or always have a huge and fully decorated Christmas tree in your house?

MELISSA:
You know, funny story about it being perennially winter here all the time, a lot of people actually do have their Christmas lights up all the time.

SAREENA:
Really?

MELISSA:
Not the huge displays of lights that spell out HO HO HO and all the icicles and stuff, it's just like- they'll have their Christmas lights just hanging up above their porch or something.

SAREENA:
No no no, this would be like, you've got Santa's grotto in your garden, you've got the reindeers on the roof, you know... it would be all out. Like how you imagine your Halloween lights level-

MELISSA:
Oh no!

SAREENA:
-it's like that for Christmas, but all year.

MELISSA:
Using my love of Halloween against me!!

SAREENA:
Yes!

[Laughter from both sides.]

MELISSA:
Oh my god, no, I can't - no, I absolutely could not do that, no! Gonna have a Christmas tree in my house!

SAREENA:
But it's big! So it'll be like wherever you kind of have it, it's gonna kind of be in the way.

MELISSA:
That's fine, as long as it's IN my house, and not outside where people will judge me, being like 'wow look at that freak over there with her, y'know, fully realized diorama of Santa Claus overseeing the elves or something'.

SAREENA:
Yeah... but you could either be prepared or very late, you know, depending on the year.

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
No! You know- no, I'm sticking with the tree, stop it! I'm not changing my mind on this one!

SAREENA:
Okay.

MELISSA:
What about you, hmm?

SAREENA:
Yeah no I would take the Christmas tree inside as well, because at least you've got that nice pine smell?

MELISSA:
That's true.

SAREENA:
And I think that's kinda nice. I wouldn't be ashamed of my tree, I'd have it in front of the window, I'd have blinds open so people can see, 'cause even though people might be looking like 'oh, what a FREAK-'

MELISSA:
[cracking up]

SAREENA:
-I bet somewhere in the psyche it will take them to a good memory of Christmas! And hopefully not the family feuds of Christmas, but the nice part! The nice part, nice part, nice part of Christmas.

MELISSA:
Yeah. Really and truly, I have nothing against Christmas, the only thing I hate about it... is the Christmas music.
['Deck the Halls' begins playing throughout.]
Christmas music is a genre that has been created to specifically antagonize me at every turn.

SAREENA:
[laughing] I mean, I don't think that's what Mariah Carey was using for inspiration, but-

MELISSA:
She was! No, she was! She hates me personally and that's her way of saying, 'I hate you, this is it'.

SAREENA:
It's quite a nice song to be dedicated to you, I must say.

MELISSA:
I mean, sure, it's a holiday classic, but Mariah - ooh, you done me dirty.

SAREENA:
She's already top of the charts in the UK... with the same song, again.

MELISSA:
Oh no, trust me, I know. Here, there's a radio station that, the second Halloween is over, it is literally all Christmas music, all the time.

SAREENA:
Wow.

MELISSA:
And I hate them. No, I'm like, 'how have the deejays not lost their minds yet?' Like anyone who's worked retail knows exactly the pain I feel.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
It's just- [disgruntled noises] - there's just- the Christmas songs, sure, they're all great and lovely, whatever, but I can only hear so many renditions of a terrible song - you can't make a terrible song GOOD no matter how you cover it! If I hear 'Santa Baby' one more time I'll lose my mind! [quietly, more to herself] God, I hate that song so much....

SAREENA:
[laughing] But it's 2020 so it's fine, listen to it as much as you like!

MELISSA:
Yeah, away from me! With headphones on!

SAREENA:
[still laughing] Uh, at the end of the episode I will disclose Melissa's address if anyone wants to blare some music-

MELISSA:
You're not allowed to do that, hey!! You can send us an email, thank you!

SAREENA:
No, I won't do that.

MELISSA:
Disclose any addresses in private, thank you!

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
[laughing] Welp, Christmas tree it is. 'Cause I like decorating, that's fun.

SAREENA:
Yeah, 'cause I've been doing all of my Christmas shopping for my loved ones here, and I've been buying off Etsy, Etsy has everything-

MELISSA:
Yep.

SAREENA:
-and I've been seeing really nice, kind of like personalized baubles and things, so if you had to have your Christmas tree all year round, you make it for whatever- instead of having it be a Christmas tree, it could be a holiday tree, so-

MELISSA:
Exactly!

SAREENA:
You could change it to whatever season or celebration it needs to be, really.

MELISSA:
See? Versatile!

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
I can have my Halloween/Christmas tree! [laughing]

SAREENA:
Yeah exactly, that'd be fun!

MELISSA:
With my skeleton garlands, and my black tinsel.

SAREENA:
Yeah, see? That sounds punk, doesn't it?

MELISSA:
There ya go, see? That's exactly what a good tree- trees are fun, they do smell nice. So yeah, not really seeing THAT much of a downside, I guess. Aside from the fact that it's a giant tree in my house.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
I'll take it.

SAREENA:
There's worse things you could have in your house.

MELISSA:
There are, absolutely.... All right, I feel like it's time for my next question!

SAREENA:
Do it!

MELISSA:
Okay, so would you rather have it snow coloured snowflakes? Or - you know how when it's cold out and you can see your breath?

SAREENA:
Mmhmm?

MELISSA:
Or would you rather have ice breath powers?

SAREENA:
So... would I rather have gay snow or ice breath powers, is what you're asking me.

[Raucuous cracking up from both.]

MELISSA:
Yes. Obviously only when it's the season-

SAREENA:
Oh okay.

MELISSA:
-'cause you can't have ice breath powers ALL the time, it's only when you can see- when it's cold enough to see your breath outside.

SAREENA:
Oh I see.

MELISSA:
But gay snow sounds delightful, by the way.

SAREENA:
It does! I think that would be fantastic, I'm gonna go with the gay snow! [laughing]

MELISSA:
[also laughing] Aw, but that'd be so nice though!

SAREENA:
It would!

MELISSA:
It would bring you a lovely rainbow.

SAREENA:
Yeah, exactly! There isn't enough rainbows out there, so I would totally love snow - but then, but then the question is, here: is the yellow snow safe or not? You just wouldn't know!

MELISSA:
[laughing] Well! ...You're right, actually, no, I'm not gonna give you that, you don't know.

SAREENA:
I mean, I wouldn't eat the snow anyway, no one should be eating the snow, but-

MELISSA:
You really shouldn't. They have a thing, actually, in - mostly in Quebec, 'cause that's where most of the maple trees are - but I'm sure you've heard of it, they have the maple syrup on snow.

SAREENA:
Yes! Where they make little.... I don't know, little shapes in the snow and you pour maple syrup in there.

MELISSA:
Kinda, it's - they boil the sugar, so it's gone all syrupy or whatever and then you pour it on the snow, so that it hardens enough into a candy, and then you eat it.

SAREENA:
I mean... we usually use our freezers for that, but I guess in Canada the outdoors is your natural freezer, so why not?

MELISSA:
[laughing] I'm crying a little bit, but yes.

SAREENA:
Have you ever done that?

MELISSA:
Yeah, it's really fun! 'Cause ideally-

SAREENA:
[laughing] So Canadian!

MELISSA:
Shut up! [laughing] It's a fun experience, don't knock it till you've tried it! ....And also, shut up.

SAREENA:
We should've done that on the first day I got there! Come on, you've denied me this Canadian experience!

MELISSA:
What, you want to try doing that with the measly not-even-half inch of snow we got? It was like a sprinkling of snowflakes, there's no way you could've done that! Unless you wanted to eat-

SAREENA:
It's the thought that matters, okay?

MELISSA:
Yeah, sure, Sareena, hey welcome to Canada! Here's your maple syrup and popsicle stick, now dump it on the concrete and wipe it up and eat it! Is that what you wanted?

SAREENA:
I feel like I would just be crying even more, just 'why, Melissa?! What kind of place have I come to?!'

MELISSA:
[laughing] It's your hazing- it's your initiation, is what it is.

SAREENA:
[crying laughter noises] I don't like it!

[More laughter from both.]

SAREENA:
Oh gosh.

MELISSA:
I'm delighted, honestly, the idea of it- 'cause everyone's always like 'snow is so pretty!' I'm like, 'yeah, it's pretty if you're indoors and have nowhere to be' - beautiful, love it. It's the second you step out and it turns into slush then I hate everything.

SAREENA:
So if it was gay snow, would the colours still retain when it goes into slush? Or would it just be all horrible?

MELISSA:
Oh you know what, it'd be like a muddled rainbow all together, right? So it'd be like brown.

SAREENA:
[beat] Welp.

[Both crack up.]

SAREENA:
I guess there has to be some kind of downside, but I'll still take it. I think I would be far more excited if there was gay snowflakes - I mean, there are, all across the world-

MELISSA:
Yes, and we love all of you.

[More laughing.]

SAREENA:
You're all welcomed here.

MELISSA:
Yeah, I just think it'd be so funny though, could you imagine? It'd be a really dark, moonless night - [wolf howling sound effect] - and it's red snow? That'd be kind of scary. [giggling]

SAREENA:
[nervous laughter] Look, stop trying to turn this into your Halloween episode, we've already done that! You've gotta wait till next year now, okay?

MELISSA:
Fine! [lowered voice] Halloween's eternal, joke's on you!

SAREENA:
Ah, this is about winter!

MELISSA:
Fine, it's about winter!

SAREENA:
But that sounds fun, what would you do?

MELISSA:
Oh, absolutely coloured snow. I'm surprised you didn't go for the breath powers, but - you know, you're already a polar bear-

SAREENA:
Yeah, exactly! How many powers am I gonna get in this episode?

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
This is actually the magic and wizards episode, so.

SAREENA:
Yeah, like 'oh!'. No, that sounds fun, 'cause I think that would spread joy to a lot of people, where obviously me being a polar bear would also spread joy to a lot of people, but I don't think my reach is as far. And I can accept that, I can accept that.

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
Good question!

MELISSA:
Yeah, you're welcome!

SAREENA:
So my next question is more on the feeling of wintertime, so just what you said about snow, it's really lovely to look at when you have nowhere to be, you can just be inside, so... this is a would you rather, if you're feeling a slight chill - you know, it's a bit cold, you've got your jumper on, your sweater on, fluffy socks, all that - So would you rather, whenever you did feel this kind of slight chill, have the perfect mug of hot chocolate appear next to you? Or always have the perfect log fire burning next to you?

MELISSA:
[gasp] Ooooh. I like this question! So, what, this hot chocolate just appears out of nowhere?

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
And same with this log fire, are they contained or is it just a wild fire?

SAREENA:
No, it's not just a wild fire, like oh god it's everywhere!!

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
Good!

SAREENA:
It's like if you just imagine, the kind of classic long chimney with the body, and you open it, you put wood in it and there's fire in there, you just imagine one of those fires just appears next to you to heat you up. Or you look to your left and there's the perfect cup of hot chocolate, is  next to you and that can happen during the winter period. Either of those will appear every time you feel chill.

MELISSA:
You know, I might have to go with the log fire, I think-

SAREENA:
Really?

MELISSA:
-because hot chocolate is not actually my favourite winter drink, tea is still my favourite thing. But the fire... we actually do have a fireplace in my house, and we do stoke it up with wood and all that stuff, it's just - it's the crackling, it's the warmth, it's the light, I like that. To just be able to go 'ah, sure feels chilly in here!' and like boop - fire.

SAREENA:
Yeah, but then also imagine that you're outside, you're going shopping or whatever, and you're like 'oh I feel a chill' and now there's fire next to you!

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
Is it following me?? Like all the way down the street?

SAREENA:
Yeah! It's like, 'oh hey' and just warp - [boop sound effect] - to where you would be next, like 'hey, heard you were feeling cold today'.

MELISSA:
[laughing] 'Hey girl....'

SAREENA:
'You wanna snuggle up in front of me?'

[More laughter.]

MELISSA:
No, I'm still doing it, it'd be so funny! Oh, in a movie theatre with the AC turned up real high, I'd be like 'boop! Fire!'

SAREENA:
And the chimney part would be in someone's way and it would just ruin their day.

MELISSA:
It'd be so funny! Be like 'hey! Down in front!' Well, wait till I get warm, god!

SAREENA:
Yeah, so rude!

MELISSA:
I like this, the potential to cause mischief is a lot.

SAREENA:
But you could also have marshmallows, just in your pocket, and then any time it pops up you just, you know, have a snack as well.

MELISSA:
Got my little travel baggie of marshmallows.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Ah, it'd be so funny! Just do the whole campfire thing, have weenies on sticks.

SAREENA:
[cracks up] You're a weenie!

MELISSA:
Your FACE is a weenie!

SAREENA:
Wow. [laughing] This is supposed to be about love and cheer, okay!

MELISSA:
Well, I'm cheered to know that you're a weenie!

[SpongeBob narrator voice: Two Hours Later...]

MELISSA:
...flip me over, I'm done!

[Even more laughter.]

SAREENA:
Oh my god. On that note, I would take the hot chocolate-

MELISSA:
You would, yeah.

SAREENA:
-because I would - I mean, I totally agree with you about the sounds and the light and obviously the warmth of the fire, but I think it'd just be really nice that you just look to the left and there it is! Your perfect mug of hot chocolate, and I don't know about you, but here in the UK we do have flavoured hot chocolates-

MELISSA:
Yeah, we do too.

SAREENA:
And I love mint hot chocolate, it's my favourite, so just to have a mug of that every so often would be fan-dabby-dozy!

MELISSA:
I've always wondered, why is mint the flavour of the season, I was like 'why'? It's a cold thing and it's cold outside, why would you want to be doubly cold?

SAREENA:
Because you know, most people's souls are cold and dead inside, so you gotta bridge the gap between being cold all the time to being lit up with the holiday cheer, so the mint is a nice bridge between those two worlds.

[Both crack up.]

MELISSA:
Hey, I can dig it if you can!

SAREENA:
I can, yeah! I'm all for it, it's my favourite flavour!

MELISSA:
They have, uh - there was a hot chocolate that I had, it was a spicy- Mexican hot chocolate is so good, 'cause it's spicy, there's cayenne pepper in there and stuff. I've never had an authentic one, but I've had like-  it was just a good quality hot chocolate mixed with cayenne pepper in it basically, and it was really nice. It'll definitely warm you up.

SAREENA:
I have a lot of spicy food so I wouldn't want my drinks to be spicy, so I'm always like 'gimme the sweet drinks'.

MELISSA:
That's true. 'Cause sweet drinks for me, I gotta be in a certain mindset for them, like bubble tea, tea? Yes. But other stuff? I dunno if I could drink a milkshake or a slushie or something, but...

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
[whispers] Can't do it, too much. Onto my final question!

SAREENA:
Dun dun dun!

MELISSA:
So, would you rather have winter every four years, but it's the whole year? Or would you rather have the seasons change every week?

SAREENA:
Ugh. Uggghh! But, like, so if they're cheenging- if they're changing every week, is it consistent? Like this one week of summer will be all hot, this one week of autumn will be grey and gloomy and this one week of winter will be snow? Is it that?

MELISSA:
No, it feels like.... any wintery day, any- a random week in December, that's what your winter will be like, and you don't know.

SAREENA:
I wouldn't know, this is not something I could plan for?

MELISSA:
No, but at least you do know that this week is summer, so which means next week is gonna be fall - you just don't know how extreme this level, I guess, would be, but you know when it's happening. It's only a week!

SAREENA:
It is only a week, and in Scotland you usually experience all 4 seasons in one day, so a week would actually be quite, quite a good amount of spacing between them! But, not having-

MELISSA:
[cracking up] That happens here too.

SAREENA:
Yeah, as I guessed from the snow in May, whatever!

MELISSA:
Like I said, that was a freak occurrence, I did not actually expect that to happen at all.

SAREENA:
It was just special, it was my birthday month, so it was happy to oblige. But winter every four years, but then it'd be winter for a whole year?

MELISSA:
Yeah, so like a full year of summer, full year of fall, full year of winter and a full year of spring.

SAREENA:
Oh, so the years are also seasonal as well?

MELISSA:
Yeah, but it's the full year, right?

SAREENA:
Full year, full year of summer, though! That would be amazing!

MELISSA:
But then!

SAREENA:
But then... you got a full year of winter- er, sorry, autumn.

MELISSA:
I'd be so happy, if it was autumn all the time I'd be so happy.

SAREENA:
If it was summer! Spring and summer is where I'm at. But that's quite a nice trade-off, 'cause at least you've got such a good amount of time to really enjoy the weather, and kind of prepare yourself for a year of winter. But would you be prepared? Would it be too long between the winters, 'cause you're like.... would you forget?

MELISSA:
Well, it's every four years!

SAREENA:
I know, but... I went to Tromsø, in Norway, and that's so north that it's actually in the Arctic Circle, and I went in November to see the whales - which I did, I saw orca and humpback whales!!

MELISSA:
Yaaaaay!

SAREENA:
Yeees! But in that time, they don't have any sunlight! Like, every day it's dark, they'll get two hours of greyness and then it'll go away, and I felt like I could just sleep the whole time basically; you'd wake up and be like 'oh it's still dark, I'll keep sleeping' but 'no no no no it's 10, wake up! It's time to start the day!' So a whole year would be like that, really... that's kinda tough, too.

MELISSA:
'Cause you know, it's the same in summertime too - I went to visit a friend in Finland, and I visited during the summer and it doesn't get very dark, it gets about as dark as it does a little before sunset? 'Cause the sun doesn't actually set, it just kinda skims the horizon, you know?

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
And it was not very dark. And that's easily mitigated, but then there's blinding sunlight at like 5 am, so... y'know.

SAREENA:
'Hellooo! I'm here!'

MELISSA:
Get lost! I don't want any of it!

SAREENA:
Ohhh. Okay yeah, no that's true. As much as I would LOVE a year of summer, you know, the nights.... yeah, you want it to be dark to sleep, so. I'll go for the week, a week of whatever season because then everything is in sizeable chunks, and you know spring is literally next week, summer is next week. I'll only have one week of winter, and that's pretty doable.

MELISSA:
Yeah. I was thinking that too, 'cause I feel like as much as I would love a full year of autumn... a full year of snow and slush and cold would destroy me.

SAREENA:
But it would be gay snow, gay snow everywhere!

MELISSA:
It would be, which would make it nicer I guess! And if I-oh you know what, it means I could just hibernate for a year, huh?

SAREENA:
That's true. That is true! But then I would be sad, I wouldn't be able to talk to you, you'd be too busy sleeping. I'd be like 'this girl over here'...

MELISSA:
'See ya next year!' Then I go to bed and you don't see me.

SAREENA:
'Okay, byeeee!'

MELISSA:
'Okay byyeee'! ...Aw. See, when you put it that way, I'm like, aw it's true, I wouldn't see people for a year.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
Which would be a plus in the case of some people, but also I'm like 'aaaw!'

SAREENA:
Remember, love and cheer, love and cheer, love and cheer!

MELISSA:
'Love and cheer'... it's like CC&P's year-long hiatus, 'because Melissa went to sleep, sorry'!

SAREENA:
It would just be me, I'd be like 'so Melissa's still not awake.... how're you guys doing?'

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
Yeah, you know, let's just go weekly. I could sleep for a full- even sleeping for a full week, that'd be nice, wouldn't it?

SAREENA:
Yeah, I feel you could catch up on the rest of the time you've been missing out, 'cause you've been partying in summer and things, yeah.

MELISSA:
'Partying', ha ha ha...

SAREENA:
Par-ty-ing!

MELISSA:
It just means that I play video games when it's light outside, that's all!

SAREENA:
[cracking up] Yeah, it's that moment where you can look out the window, like 'oh look it's a lovely day!' and then go back to your screen.

MELISSA:
Yup!

SAREENA:
I like the way that you've gone with your questions.

MELISSA:
Yeah? I'm just trying to make the season more bearable - [horn sound effect] - aha, BEARable!

SAREENA:
Jeez.

MELISSA:
I'm not doing that on purpose!

SAREENA:
That's even WORSE! It's just ingrained into you!

MELISSA:
[laughing] It's true, that's just how I talk, that's just me.

SAREENA:
It's just puns every five seconds!

MELISSA:
Oh my god, no it's true. I just remember, if I found a terrible, terrible joke, I would immediately tell all of my friends, they're like 'Melissa, why do I talk to you?' and I'm like 'HEH HEH HEH'. [beat] You wanna hear a terrible joke? An intentional one?

SAREENA:
Yeah, okay, if it's intentional, let's do it.

MELISSA:
Okay. Hey, what's an avocado's favourite style of music?

SAREENA:
... I'm trying to think of any music type, 'cause you didn't get drum and bass!

MELISSA:
I didn't! I don't know what drum and bass is!

SAREENA:
It's very good, listen to it. I don't know.

MELISSA:
[barely restrained glee] It's...... guac 'n roll!

[sad trombone sound effect]

SAREENA:
[pained] Oh jeez. Ugh.

MELISSA:
[cracking up, of course]

SAREENA:
You're gonna get a sad, sad sound effect when I edit this later. [laughs]

MELISSA:
That's okay! The important thing is that I had fun!

[More laughter.]

SAREENA:
Just remember, Sareena, love and cheer, love and cheer, love and cheer....

MELISSA:
'Cause I sent that to my friend on Snapchat, she's like 'MELISSA I AM GONNA DELETE THIS GODFORSAKEN APP' and I'm just like 'heh heh heh'.

SAREENA:
I'm gonna move us on to my last question-

MELISSA:
Okay!

SAREENA:
-before I return to my despair. [laughs] Would you rather have any present you receive during the winter period be in plain wrapping paper? Or be wrapped in the most beautiful paper, but it's like sellotaped to the nines, it will take you a while to get in there, but it will be stunning.

MELISSA:
Aww, no! I gots to go plain, I don't actually - I mean, as beautiful as it may be, if I have to get in there with a machete and my pith helmet and a backpack, I don't know if it's worth it.

SAREENA:
Okay. Well, I just want to give you a heads up that your gift is in plain paper but there's also a lot of sellotape!

[Both cracking up.]

MELISSA:
Well, it's coming in a box overseas, so I understand that!

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
I've got my traveller's kit all ready to go!

SAREENA:
Excellent. But just think about it, it's so pretty, it's there, it's waiting for you, but then... you just gotta claw it open with whatever you have, 'cause of the sellotape...

MELISSA:
Yeah, I don't know if I can do that! 'Cause I remember, it was a trend to really wrap the hell out of stuff to make the person work for whatever was inside. I feel that's what you're doing with me there.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
'Oh it's beautiful!'

SAREENA:
Yeah, it's 'cause I was wrapping it and I'm really bad at wrapping gifts, it just looks terrible, and I'm like 'ooookay, let's just reinforce with sellotape!'

[Laughter from both.]

MELISSA:
You!! 

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
And then there's me, I saw a lifehacks video on how to wrap stuff and I'm like '[gasp] This changes everything!'

SAREENA:
Is it the one where you kind of turn it on its side, like diagonally wrap it?

MELISSA:
Yeah, there was that one, they had a way to put a ribbon in there so you could tie it up that way, or there was one where you could fold it and there was a slot for you to put a Christmas card in there as well. I was like 'ohhhh!'

SAREENA:
Oooh!

MELISSA:
It's pretty cool! And speaking as someone who - you know, I have three siblings, and a big huge family, so around Christmas time there'd be the factory line, like 'we're wrapping this box of chocolates for Grandma', 'we're wrapping up this winebottle for Uncle Whoever'. And so we would just be the assembly line, just wrapping everything.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
So I would like to think my wrapping skills are pretty darn good.

SAREENA:
I would say they are, any gift that I've ever received from you is always, it's always been super cute and always very well put together. I'm like 'it's a gift from Melissa!'

MELISSA:
It sure is!

SAREENA:
Yeah!

MELISSA:
I mean - also, gift-giving is my love language, so I will randomly be like 'oh, this made me think of you!' and then send you a post-it note- or like a stack of post-it notes that look like something cute.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
...Or a meme with a terrible joke that'll make you hate me. [giggling] It comes both ways, it's fine.

SAREENA:
Yeah, yeah. It's a gift AND a curse.

[Laughter all round.]

MELISSA:
It sure is! I'm sure being my friend is exhausting.

SAREENA:
It's not, it's not! I can change into a polar bear and have my mugs of hot chocolate, it's fine, it's fine!

MELISSA:
Okay! So then would you have fancy paper that you have to, you know, break out the reinforced scissors for, or would you rather have plain paper?

SAREENA:
No, I would 100% take the plain wrapping paper, I'd be just so thankful there's a gift there with my name on it anyway, and chances are if it's plain, it's probably easily recyclable-

MELISSA:
That's true!

SAREENA:
So I'm also going on a planet-positive vibe as well. So I'll take the plain wrapping paper, plus it's so much cheaper!

MELISSA:
Yeah, for sure.

SAREENA:
I don't- I love gift-giving and I love receiving gifts, but I would hate to receive gifts that I know has put the other person out of pocket. I'm like 'no no no, you don't HAVE to do that, please! I don't need all the bells and whistles!' I mean, unless you're buying me a car or a house, then yes, spare no expense!

MELISSA:
[laughing]

SAREENA:
But you know, a little care package now and again, there's no need to go all out.

MELISSA:
Yeah, I mean it's the same thing, it's always the thought that counts, you know? You cared enough to think about me to send me something.

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
That's what it's all about.

SAREENA:
That is what it's all about, regardless of the season or the holiday, just in general.

MELISSA:
Or, you know, the year (cough) 2020 (cough).

SAREENA:
Or year, yeah. But no, it's been really great to reconnect, and just know that there's something in the post, I think it's that kind of old fashioned... you know, excitement about receiving something in the post with your name on it, it's been hand written and you're like 'oh my god, someone took the time and effort to go through all the processes to get this to me'. It's pretty special, so. I hope you enjoy your gift!

MELISSA:
I'm very excited to get it. To anyone else who's listening, thank the postal workers, they are doing- they are doing such a service for everybody, especially when - it's lockdown here, but they're doing a service, they're making sure you're getting your stuff. Thank them. Give them a gift, maybe. I don't know if you can do that, I'm sure you could. Anyways!

[soft chiming music throughout] All right! Speaking of all the warm fuzzy feelings, it is time for the Self-Care Sign-Off. Hey, it works perfectly with Sareena's question, actually - if you are feeling cold, put on a sweater, or some fuzzy slippers, and also... think of all the people in this world who love you. Send a message to a friend and be like, 'you know what? I thought about you today and I really appreciate you. Just want to spread the warmth!' And especially during these 'trying times', as all the commercials say - I just think it's really important to remember that if you can, just give a little bit!

And to share also my warm memory about Sareena, because she is a good friend - pal - buddy-

SAREENA:
Yaay!

MELISSA:
She visited me! So we've mentioned before, earlier, that she came to visit me in May a few years ago, when it was cold and snowing - it wasn't supposed to be, I swear!

SAREENA:
I'm still cold from that time.

[Laughter from both sides.]

MELISSA:
I lent you all my things, it was fine!

SAREENA:
I know.

MELISSA:
No, we went to Canada's Wonderland, which is an amusement park, and because it was a colder day it worked in our favour, actually, 'cause not many people were there. So we went on the great big huge Behemoth and Leviathan, which are the two biggest rides - we rode those things multiple times, and we posed for the camera almost every single time. And a very treasued memory I have, in photo form, is of us flashing peace signs with our hair streaming behind us as we're going down this roller coaster.

SAREENA:
Ah, that was such a great day.

MELISSA:
Oh my god, photogenic even going at like 100 kilometres an hour- I don't think it's actually that fast, but, y'know - top speed.

SAREENA:
Top speed! It was great, I also have a copy of that picture as well, and it's one of my favourite pictures of us, ever.

MELISSA:
I love it. Oh, it was so much fun. I think it was the Leviathan?

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
It's the big huge- yeah, yeah. 'Cause there was no lineup because it was - to be fair, it was cold, though. But there was no lineup so we got to go on it 5 times in a row with minimal waiting!

SAREENA:
Yeah.

MELISSA:
It was great. Ah, good times. Okay, and for the obligatory wrap-up, if you do have beautiful memories that you'd love to share with us, or just a cute little - a thought about a friend that makes you smile, shoot us a message at curriedchipsandpoutine@gmail.com! We are also reachable on Insta, you can always leave a comment on a post, you can message us there as well, and if you're okay with it we'd be happy to share it, give you guys a shoutout as well.

Speaking of shoutouts, thank you to mcmooshkins on insta for the theme, asking us about if it's too early for Christmas - [stage whisper] the answer is yes, it is always too early.

SAREENA:
[stage whisper] No! It's fine, it's fine! Celebrate now! Don't delay

[Both laughing.]

MELISSA:
It's true though, I mean, celebrate however you want to. And on that note, thank you guys so much for listening, more than ever we truly and super appreciate you. Thank you so much for every download, every person you tell about this ridiculous podcast with two weirdos, we love and appreciate it. Thank you, once again, we love you.

BOTH:
Byeeeee!

[Outro music fades out.]