#10 - Honesty & Priorities

Brandon (00:03.31)
Okay, we're rolling. We're good. Wow, it's been a little while. Yeah, it's good to be back. Been a minute. So, where we going?

Brandon (00:17.71)
I think I mean, I told you I came in here in a bit of a morally compromised situation, because I wasn't being completely honest with my wife, which is never a good thing. So I guess I can set the tone and talk through that and then say what I should have done after talking with her. So the situation is been out of work for a little bit and I have been interviewing with a company I'm pretty excited about.

doing final round interviews, waiting to hear back and by no means is it, you know, a hundred percent. And by the way, thank you for sending me that job because you're the one that introduced me to the company. And I, so anyway, kind of waiting to hear back. I think I have a good chance at it, but obviously nothing's a sure thing. So in my mind over the last, you know, couple of weeks, haven't really been doing applying as much as I used to.

thinking like, I'm excited about this role. Hopefully it works out. And so that's shown up as not, you know, applying like I should be maybe not placing emphasis in the red areas as my wife and I agreed to previously of like, okay, she wants to go part time. and, you know, not have to work super late or not work weekends. And if she goes part time, she's not going to work weekends. And she just feels a little bit.

kind of trapped in that because her job is pretty stressful and she just really wants me to get something good. And I do too. Like I don't like being in the limbo of where I'm, I don't know what's going to happen. Like I don't enjoy that. I think something kind of similar happened when we moved out here because, you know, started in real estate, realized like, Hey, we're going to have a kid soon. Need to probably get something a little bit more stable, secure, whatever health insurance, all that fun stuff.

And so for a few months, when we first moved out here, I was really like stressing out and trying to make something work and really forcing it. And eventually it worked out until it didn't and got laid off. But and then, you know, that led us here. But anyway, all that to say this time around, I realized, like, OK, I want to be intentional about my search. I want to find something that aligns with, you know, obviously skills and interests, but kind of the direction I see myself and us going.

Brandon (02:42.382)
And so I was very fortunate that you found that opportunity sort of working with that. So in my mind, I'm almost living in the future of like, well, I'm just going to really bank on getting this job. And so what am I going to spend my time with things that I enjoy? And that's not necessarily the right answer, obviously, because there needs to be still like not to say you can't do anything you enjoy. But in this case,

you know, she didn't know I was coming over here at first. we were talking yesterday and, and I said, yeah. And then my, my friend who's on paternity leave, he wants to spend some time. I said, yeah, I'm going to hang out with him a little bit too. And she's like, okay, well, my mom's coming in tomorrow. Like, when are you going to get stuff done around the house? Like I will before she's here and I will. And so I kind of took advantage of that. And you know, here, this doesn't bother her. Obviously it's, it's more so the fact that I'm about to go play golf after this where she's like,

on dude, I'm working. You have the day off, our sons at daycare and you're gonna go play golf. And so in my mind, I'm like trying to enjoy some of the time before I know I will start working and getting back in the groove of that. But the issue comes with the dishonesty where I didn't tell her the I didn't lie. However, I was intentionally leaving out certain details of my day because I knew it would bother her. And so the right answer would have been

when this was proposed to me on like Saturday when my friend said, Hey, do you want to play golf? The right answer would have been, yeah, that would be fun. Let me talk with the wife and see if that's going to work out this week and have that conversation with her and so on and so forth. And so certainly don't want to paint a negative picture on her behalf. She's working hard. I'm out here doing God knows what, you know, but the point is,

Don't withhold anything because you think it will make your significant other upset. You gotta be candid, honest, talk through it, and just be communicative. Yeah. I think a lot of it, though, too, is with the, it's that guilt factor. Yeah. Where you feel, it's almost like you feel like you can't have fun. Exactly. Where you're like, okay, who am I? She's the one working. I should be the provider.

Brandon (05:11.118)
And it's some of it is internal that we build up on ourselves. And then some of it is just societal norms that we're trying to live up to. Yes. And so when we're there, we it's like the old adage, like when you're there, you're supposed to be there. You're not supposed to be somewhere else. And even if you go out there and golf at times, depending on how deep you get into it, you're still somewhere else. You're like, bro, I'm not even taking the break.

that I'm supposed to I can't even enjoy the fun because I have all these other stressors. Yeah. And I think a lot of that comes with especially parenting too as well, where you're trying to find even like date nights, stuff like that. And then just even time for yourself. But even the times for yourself, or you're just like, should I be doing this? Am I a piece of shit like it's so hard? I should be.

I should be contributing financially. Why am I doing this when and it even goes like you try to even forecast even out. You're like, OK, well, even if we were set, would I still feel this way to as well? Probably. Yeah, yeah. I probably would. You might be like, well, I'm not producing the level of business I need to or, you know, I'm not making enough for that next thing. It's the it's always the next thing.

And that's like a slippery slope of withholding happiness, enjoyment, being present, waiting for that next thing. That next thing's never going to come. It's fleeting. So you have to enjoy it now. And I say that from a man that hasn't been working for three. Yeah, just over three months now. And, you know, it's like I was I went on a great walk with my younger sister yesterday in Golden and she she was talking about because she had a similar thing.

last year, about a year and a half ago where she got laid off, she had to find a new job. And for her, it was six months of like, she, or she applied to dozens, over 100 places and did a bunch of interviews. Finally, it worked out. She's in a great position now, but she was like, yeah, you know, during that time, so many people were like, fun employment. You should just enjoy your time now. And it's like, well,

Brandon (07:31.054)
So you're supposed to enjoy the time you have off as somewhat of a break, but you can't because you're worried about getting something that's going to be good and, you know, bring some money to the table. And then when you finally get that and you get there, you look back and you're like, man, I really wish I would have just enjoyed that time a little bit more than I did. And so in my case, I'm leaning into the second, but there is such a thing as going too far. Right. Yeah. And, and, you know,

enjoying that too much, right? You know, and I would like to say, hopefully, I'm not there. But in today's circumstance, I definitely could have been a little bit more forthright with what I was doing. But yeah, I just looked at it as like, look, I want to be working now, if I could have started that job that I've been interviewing for in different rounds, if I could have started that today, I would have I just can't I'm waiting to hear back and so.

Maybe it's like some self justification bullshit, but yeah, you feel like a, I feel like an asshole. Like I'm like, yeah, taking my son to daycare, doing some different things and that it's not every day. I'm like doing whatever I want. Like obviously still getting some stuff done and she has some days off during the week where I'll spend a time together, which is awesome. But yeah, when, when it's just me and it's, or, you know, just you along with your thoughts, you're like, God, I really need to get my shit together. You know, I need to get going.

it, the biggest factor is it impedes progress. And so you're thinking to me personally, and having somebody that's, I mean, having gone through it and fuck still going through it is.

it's like it's detrimental in terms of just being able to go forward with it. And that's the I don't even know what the hell I'm trying to say. But it's just it's a

Brandon (09:27.95)
A lot of that you be you multiply these stressors by sitting around with these thoughts. Yeah. As opposed to having this time off and being like, OK, well, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. And the the bitch about it all is it's it's not we don't have enough time. We have too much time. And that's my wife and I talk about that a lot. And she's like, you're a routine, like your routine based. You don't.

You don't do well with a lot of time. Yes. You like the pressure of being like, OK, we've got to fucking fit this shit in now. So and a lot of it is having to create that pressure, too. Yeah. And I think if we don't if we're not in that daily progress and this is me talking to myself right now, if we're not in that constant daily progress, that's where all these we are just basically just fucking throwing gasoline on this thing with these stressors. Yeah.

And it's not only are you constantly, just constantly thinking about these stressors too as well, but you're adding stress that doesn't even need to be there to even be, to begin with. It's like, okay, so you wanna go forward. How are you going forward gonna be in this current state? It's not about an emotion or a feeling, it's about a state. So if we wake up every day and we're stuck in this state where, fuck, we gotta dig ourselves out of this. We gotta keep going. As a...

opposed to and it's very easy to say, cause you hear it all the time, but it's fucking very, it's even more difficult to live it where it's like, okay, this is just what it is right now. This isn't who we are. This isn't our identity. This has nothing to do with their future projection. What we see in our minds is still obtainable. We're still going to get there. There's just a lot more added weight that we weren't expecting. And it's that.

Priscilla talks about it. It's the aggressive patience. Just being aggressive enough, but also be willing to wait for it. And that's where just my wife and I were chatting about it. And that's what I was like, well, what do we do? Like that's it always sucks where you're in that journey and you're like, fuck, where am I supposed to go, bro? I'm so lost right now. Yeah. Like there's no there's not even signs around. There's not even pathways. Yep.

Brandon (11:53.678)
And so you're like, you're trapped in the middle of a dark forest. Yeah. And with no light. And you're like, OK, well, it's like, OK, we just need to fucking walk. We need to put one foot in front of the other. Maybe this isn't about finding a way out. Maybe this is being comfortable with being inside of here. And so and she her her big thing is what we talk about is she's like, we're always even. So she's like, yeah, this is this is fucking horrible. Like, this is really bad right now, but we're always even.

What does she mean? What do you mean by that? Like, well, it's a sign filled reference, but we always we always get because there was one episode where he's like, I got one friend high and one friend low. Yeah. And he's like, but we're always even. And so. I guess you could say you call it karma, you call it what you want to call it, but we we always have a way of going even. And it's like baseline almost like.

Like it's like, OK, the car broke down. Fuck, the car broke down. That's bullshit. And then all of a sudden something will happen where it'll cover the cost of the expenses where we're always not. I shouldn't say always. That's a bad word. But the majority of the time we're even. Yeah. And I I don't know if we are. Maybe it's our perspective creating the even to.

at the same time where it's like, OK, well, we know something bad happened. That means something good is right around the corner. So let's and it's maybe that that RAS system where it just fucks with it and it's like, OK, well, yeah, that is bad. But we're not looking for bad anymore. Now we're looking for good. Yeah, that's a great way to to be, I think, in in those situations. And another thing I heard that's good, in my opinion, too, is like.

You almost have a way to detach from when I say you it's like talking about you guys. This is something I've been working on and something that other people can try to adopt easier said than done. But it's almost like a sense of detachment from what's going on. It doesn't dictate your well -being. So what I mean by that is, yes, things are have been cumulatively shitty over the last few weeks or whatever.

Brandon (14:14.798)
but I'm not going to allow myself to go further into that state. I'm gonna detach from what those things are because like you said earlier, cause that's not me. That's not like my worth. It's just things haven't been going maybe how I wanted them to go or expected them to go, but that's okay. I'm still me. I still have all of these great things in my life. And I know that historically when things go bad,

that's just another door that's about to open where things are going to be good too. And I joke around saying like, so obviously isn't true, but in my mind, sometimes I catch myself thinking like, wow, I've been in one perpetual state of just like overall net negative over the last five years. And I said that to my sister yesterday and she's like, well, what do you mean? I'm like, well,

It feels like things haven't really connected or clicked with me overall since I got out of the military. And I think that's because that was an all -consuming role that I enjoyed, was challenging, I was pretty good at. And after that, it felt like I haven't found whatever my thing is to replace that.

but that's okay. I don't think I necessarily need to be looking for that. I have tons of great things in my life now that I didn't have them like a family. So I guess the point is like, you know, it's all perspective on it. But I like what you're saying as far as kind of the detaching from what the outcome is and just staying on the path. When you hear it so much, but it's dude, it is a motherfucker.

when you're going through it. yeah. To be because every day is it's a workout. Yeah. We're like, OK, like it's like a resilience test. Here we go. Yeah, exactly. And then that's where when I and I mean, I slip all the time. I'm not I'm not perfect at this. I'm still trying to find the way as opposed to what I'm looking for. But it's also.

Brandon (16:28.558)
It's a mind game, too, where it starts playing with you and you're like, no, OK, this is is all part of the test, bro. This is this is part of the test. This is what it's testing you to see if you really want this. Yeah. And it's just it's creating that coach inside your head, too, as well. We're and because all of it, I think we talked about it before in a previous episode, but. It's just it's fucking wild how quickly we go to negativity and pain.

within our thoughts, but how much we have to search for love and compassion and joy. It's just, it's a trip. So it's knowing that these are going to come in these, I mean, these negative thoughts that they're going to come in and we somehow need to just, we can't mute them, but just turn down the noise, the volume on them, and then rewire it with a different tape and just something where it's like, okay, no.

Like this is all you're trying to control something that you don't have any control over. Yeah. And that's what your detriment is to you. That's I feel that is the underlying theme of you getting out of your own way. Yeah. That's a great call. That's where it comes from. And it's just like, OK, well, just live, be part of the experience like that. It's coming. Everything and.

Even if it's not coming, look it around. It's that gratitude piece. We even had it yesterday when we were. Because it worked all day and then I came home and then we were watching a movie. And they were both watching. They're both there on the ground and it's I have them. I would say often on I try to force them on, but sometimes they just come naturally, which is amazing.

Or you just look at your kids and you're just like, fuck man. Like this is it, bro. This is all you ever wanted. Like you have everything right there and then you look at them and you're... And it's also...

Brandon (18:40.59)
Like they are more than worthy of the fight. You have to do this. Yeah, you don't have it. You're obligated to do this. Right. For their sake, let alone for your own sake. But it's just it's wild when you look at it and it's very words are always easy. Obviously, it's the action piece that comes with it because it's the never we talked about it earlier in the part in the episode is it's never satisfied.

And so there's always another level. Yeah. And it drives my wife crazy sometimes, too. She's like, you just can't. She's like, you just can't let yourself win. And I'm like, but I haven't won yet. I've won with you. I've won with with the girls. But me personally, my personal obligation to myself, I haven't won it. What do you think that is? And what do you think?

I don't think you mean it in a way of like, you'll get somewhere and you'll be like, I've arrived, right? But I guess, can you be more specific on what you feel that is? It's a

I would say it's a clean record of internal commitments. That's great. That's where you know that like, okay, like I've won. Yeah. Everything I've said I was going to do. I didn't voice it to anybody else. I said it for myself. I went out and fucking accomplished it. Yeah. And even if I didn't accomplish it, I gave everything into it. I threw everything into it. And that's where.

a lot of the I would say the learning and the growth that happens as an adult. Like it's it's weird when you look at it because a child will continue to fail and not just like, OK, I'm just learning, bro. But you do it as an adult and it's like you have a spotlight put on you and you're like forecasted like, look at him like a fucking just like a leopard or something like that where you're just like and it's.

Brandon (20:47.182)
It's the internal dialogue. It's people's, okay, I didn't have the fucking balls to do that. And it's just, it gets into a weird game with it. Yeah, and that's specifically the difference between failure as an adult and as a kid is like.

I think it has a lot to do with how you're brought up, you know, for sure. And some circumstantial things that happened as a kid, an example would be like, you didn't make the sports team and either your parents or friends, parents place an overemphasis of achievement around getting on the team and performing. And so, Hey, I tried out, I tried my best and I didn't get it. And you don't receive a certain amount of praise or

acknowledgement, I guess, from either your parents or friends parents or whatever, then that kind of that makes you feel a little bit like a failure and shy away from it and maybe even prevents you from getting started down the road. So in that case, that might then leave you with a narrative as an adult of like failures bad. Whereas conversely, if like, in that same example, if it was met with like, hey, you did great, it just didn't work out and that's okay.

we're going to train up and you're going to do better next time. You know what you did wrong or that you can improve on. So let's focus on that. And then you go at it again and it's met with, okay, maybe I made it or something like that. So the two examples there, the second one's going to serve you much more as an adult where you're more willing to try it. And the other thing too, that you said that's interesting when you're talking about like, you know, failing or some of those internal voices.

it gets a lot of other people like you're implanting other people's thoughts or your perception of what they will think of you into your own head. You know what I mean? Whereas more than likely, they're not thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, and I think it's more when I look at it now, like other people are

Brandon (22:58.702)
different versions of myself. That's my other people now. Like I used to worry about a lot about what people thought about me. It just comes with age, bro. Like you just you get to a point where you're just like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Like, but you're still playing with the other. You're still talking with the other people. And those are those different versions that you had of yourself that are trying to still take up real estate in your head, too, as well. Or they're.

can be very detrimental, but they could also be very influential too, or they could be looked at as.

I would say it's that old adage where it's what is it? Genius and insanity are next door neighbors where it's like, OK, and I'm not saying that I'm a genius, possibly insane, but not not a genius in any way. But it's just the. It's like it's like anything within life, it's that reframing where OK. Yes, there was a lot of shit. But why do we always have to go back and look at the shit, right? That's not fair.

That's not fair to anybody. That's not fair to you. Like you can't constantly keep going back and looking at the shit. Yeah. Why the brain does that, I have no idea. And possibly. Especially with our present situation, my personal present situation, maybe it's that subconscious not wanting to fully evolve into that. Being where I see it is going that vehicle.

And it may be there's a and it's a war between the past and the future. And it's like, OK, well, how do we get? How do we create some peace so we can keep going forward? Because the last thing we do, because we know that these are mechanisms of self -destruction is stagness city. We cannot be stagnant. We can't be complacent because we know idle hands are not good for anyone.

Brandon (25:08.11)
That's where fucking vices come in. And to even not look at it so much where I do it all the time, man, where you put so much goddamn fucking weight on it and it shouldn't have that much weight. If you put less weight, you could do more reps. So why don't stack the weight yet? Like let the let life stack it.

as opposed to you just self imposing additional weight that goes within it. Yep. I am trying to pull up a I don't know if we've ever talked about this you and I either off the podcast or on but I want to find this parable and it's like the concept of Taoism and so and I think in I feel like that is kind of a

That's like a revolving theme of what we're talking about. And it's essentially just getting out of your own way and rolling with the punches. And so this is a, yeah, I've seen so many different versions of this, but I'll read through this really quickly. So I'll, I'll read the story and then I'll read the moral. And I love this because it is crazy. Well, let me just read it first. The farmer's horse runs away.

And when his neighbors visit to express their sympathy, he replies, or they say such bad luck, he replies, maybe, maybe not. The next day, the horse returns with several wild horses and the neighbors congratulate the farmer. They say, what great luck, but again, he replies, maybe, maybe not. The following day, the farmer's son tries to ride one of the wild horses and breaks his leg. And once more, the neighbors offer their condolences.

Such bad luck. But the farmer replies, maybe, maybe not. And this cuts it off. But I think the next one is because he broke his leg, he was not able to get drafted into the active draft and go overseas to fight in wars. And the neighbors say, wow, what great luck. Farmer says, maybe, maybe not.

Brandon (27:24.558)
So the parable is a reminder that life is unpredictable and it's often how you look at things that determine their power over you. It teaches you that you shouldn't get too attached to what happens to you and that very few events can truly be judged as good or bad at the time they occur. In many cases, only time will tell the whole story. So I love that last sentence because it says in many cases, only time will tell the whole story. And so whatever that version of it, of your life is, I think everyone has that version of it, right?

You don't get that job. Well, you're super pissed. You don't know what you're going to do. You don't know, you know, say where the next paycheck's going to come from. And all of a sudden you run into somebody at Walmart or whatever the grocery store and they, you know, you chatted up with them, turns out they're in the exact field you want to get into. You strike a friendship, you get a job that's way better than the one you could have imagined that you were trying to get before. And that happened over the course of two weeks.

Well, immediately when you didn't get the job you were so hoping for, you felt lost, powerless, et cetera. Then two weeks later, you strike it up with this person that gives you your next position that is way better than the other one. Well, that was two weeks. That's a fortunate amount of time to pass between those two things, I think. But I think there's many examples too, where it's even months or years between bad things happening.

that led to the other. And so you can't really assign something that happens to you. We'll say it happens for you. You can't really assign good or bad because you don't know the totality of the whole series of events. So it's almost like if you can detach from that and just go, hmm, wasn't what I was looking for, but let's see what's up next. Who knows? Maybe this will. Well, this is how it's supposed to work out. It just it's a freeing.

concept that I think is probably easier said than done, right? Yeah, for sure. Well, it depends, especially within those two weeks. What did your perspective look like within those two weeks? Because I feel and this is me, obviously, if I could have done it personally, too, as well as when shit like that happens. I mean, right now, too, within my life, like it's so easy to throw grenades right now. And to me,

Brandon (29:50.19)
I mean, that's what my wife always says about like you always think my mom always said that to me, too, as well. She's like, you take the weight of the world on your shoulders. And she's like, but you're like. I take pride in jumping on the grenade as opposed to throwing the grenade as in shouldering the burden so others don't have to. It just your fucking tantrum or it's like, OK, if I get around anybody right now, I'm not in a good state.

I'm in a state where it's going to be fucking complaining and all we're going to do is just offload, which sometimes is good offload. But at the same time, I don't want to be bringing people it, dude, it's fucking life is hard enough as is. If you're in a good flow, I don't want to fuck with your flow. The times where you should be asking for help.

But I think a lot of that too is it's probably the survival mechanism that got me here too as well throughout life where it's like, okay, like you need to just handle it and just fucking take care of it. But it's a, I don't even know where the hell it was going with that one, but yeah, no, it's, you were talking about this state, this, the state that you're in after something doesn't turn out. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. And it's very,

easy to say, fuck it. And then it's also very easy to start taking it out on everybody else as opposed to just have. And all that is, is that you're not in a state of progress. Right. You're in complacency and you can't see a way out. So the easiest thing to do, especially for the mind, is just to get comfortable and to start bitching and complaining about fucking everything. And that's.

You know, again, this is easier said than done, but that's a choice. That's an inflection point after that thing doesn't work out like you expected. You have a choice. Your choice is to either ruminate on it, let it ruin your next several weeks, months, years, whatever. But I mean, you ruminate on something long enough that didn't work out according to your own internal plan long enough. And that just becomes your disposition. And it's like, he's just, he's just that way. He's just an angry old.

Brandon (32:06.35)
crusty bastard, you know, and we know a lot of people like that, right? Whereas conversely, you also have the choice, again, easier said than done, to realize that you can choose to look at things as, well, you know what? That did not really work out how I thought it would, but I realized there's kind of a greater plan out there for me. And if I choose to...

just be open -minded and try to look at things as there's something more positive coming, then with that change in perspective, you're more open. And so like you were saying earlier with a reticular activating system, you having that outlook and being more open, you're more aware of other opportunities that can kind of come in its place that you would never see if you were just being crusty and angry and so on and so forth. So again, easier said than done.

but it's something to work on for sure for everybody. You know? Yeah. Well, and even the...

It's it's those moments, too, as well, where you are deep into it and it's. You just have to have those realization moments, those points where it's like, OK, enough is enough. And yeah, like we need to. We know we're not. And it's always. It's reframing a lot of the words to within your internal dialogue where it's like, OK, we're not.

We're not quitting. We're just regrouping. There's different things that you could plant. Yeah. Seeds wise. I've heard people say, well, my one friend, I've heard him say, yeah, we're just taking a little tactical pause. Exactly. Yes. We're going to regroup here. Well, and because a lot of like my words I see in visualizations within my head. So like pictures. And so the way I see it, especially when I start thinking about my.

Brandon (34:11.694)
problems.

I always look at it as the old adage with the field, the farmer, the seeds. And because I was doing a bunch of, it's always funny, man, when you're always doing the work, that's when all these thoughts start happening. That's where the ideas are there. They're just waiting for you. Yeah, you know they're there. Yeah. But I mean, it was, we were doing a bunch of this and a bunch of work, outside work, over the weekend.

a lot of landscaping and just fucking like always just regurgitating shit. And it was one of those words. I'm working on the lawn and it's like maybe we're using the wrong equipment. Maybe we instead of watering these seeds, maybe we just need to fucking till the soil again and just plant new seeds because maybe these seeds are still.

Maybe they're dead and we're just wasting water on them. And it's like, OK, well, then what does a tiller look like? But, you know, and it instantly it goes to external because it's like, OK, well, if we have this and this will fall in line and it's like, no, that's not these are the wrong seeds that you're looking at, that you planted. You need to find. And I'm not saying all the all of them are dead, but you need to find those internal seeds and to go with it.

for the sense of—

Brandon (35:47.502)
the realization that what you're going for, especially trait wise, that you want to instill within your children is character. That's where you're going with it in standards. Because if maybe this doesn't play out to your expectations, the way you fully see it, and maybe it's probably even fucking better. But it's also setting the stage too for the future generations.

where it's like, okay.

I think it puts a lot of like lessons learned right in front of your kids, too, as well. Where it's OK, well. And they don't. You hear it all the time, too, but they don't fucking know right in terms of financial situation or any of that shit, and they don't really give a shit, right? They just want. Yeah, and that's what. We just had the my oldest daughter was.

He's like, you're going to work? And I was like, yeah, I'm just like, well, we don't need money. We just want you. And I was like, I know, girl. And I'm believe me, all I want to do is be here. I said, but it's also something that right now this is what we have to do. But it's also good to miss people every once in a while, too. Right. Because then I come back and I said, if we hang around all day together, we may not be as good as if I'm away for a few hours and then I come back.

Because then it's just walking in and it's new again almost. It's crazy how that works. And it wasn't weird. Yeah. Because all you want to do is be with them. And it's like, okay, well, no, I just need to detach. That way I know it's one of those, like, you know how good you have it. Exactly. Yeah. That happens so much every time I put my son to bed. It's like, he's getting a lot of his teeth now. And so sometimes he's pretty angry.

Brandon (37:43.95)
And, usually in the evenings, he's always good and cute and fun. And before bed, he gets a surge of energy and it's super funny. But you know, if earlier in the day we're having a little hard day, he's kind of not having a great day. I'm just like, Ooh, man, that's a lot, right? I'm excited for nap time or I'm going to, I'm going to be excited to have some alone time. I thought I put them down to bed an hour later. Like, man, I miss them. You know, like I just want to go in there and, and go see him real quick, you know? And it's like, yeah, you're, you're, you're spot on. there's a couple of things I wanted to say.

then maybe we could break his coffee's run through me pretty good. the first was when we were talking about your responses to a situation, maybe not working out as you expected. It's so funny that my brain sometimes goes back to this, but it does because of my response in the moment. And it honestly made everything better. So I was, I think a junior in college and I had this finance exam that I had to.

at least get like a C plus or whatever to make grades to not, you know, I don't think I failed the class, but it was, it had some repercussions if I didn't do well in the exam. So I was like, all right, I think I need to get like a 75 or something like that. Well, for whatever reason, I did not put in the level of effort of studying that I needed to. And as soon as I started taking that exam, I knew it. I started taking, I'm like, wow, this is going to be great. So I take it, turn it in, whatever.

I think the next day or two days later, we get the exam back. I got like an 11 % on it. Holy shit. Because it was so hard. And I was like, I literally, I saw it. And I knew I was so far off to where I needed to be. I just started laughing. I was like, I just I literally sat in my seat and I was laughing. And my buddy next to me looked at me. He's like, What's wrong with you? I was like, this is so bad. He's like, I know. Why is that funny to you? I was like,

Cause it's so bad. Like I can't even make this up how bad this is. Well, turns out everything was fine. I ended up doing super well in the next, next exam. And I ended up, you know, passing the class or whatever it was. But I truly believe that had I had that moment where instead of laughing it off, I was like, my God, I'm so screwed. Like I'm going to fail this. And then I'm not going to be able to do this, this, this, this, but instead, and I didn't know what I was doing at the time. I was a little bit 20 years old.

Brandon (40:09.838)
I just laughed and it just was like, well, all right, better like next time, bud. And that was it. I was done. It was, I was completely free of that situation. Well, then I focused on the next one and I did well. Right. So I thought that was so funny, but I think back to that when something's not going well and it is kind of freeing in a way. Like if life gets to a certain point, you just laugh. You're like, wow, look at this shit. Right. And then it kind of frees it up. You don't take it so seriously all the time.

That's something I always try to remind myself of. And then the other thing I wanted to hit on, I've said this before in another podcast. It's funny when I was in Pittsburgh with a buddy and what another thing I did in college that was pretty helpful was, I'd write out a list of all the things that say I was studying for an exam or say I was going to interview for a job. If I don't do well in the exam or don't get the job, I wrote down a whole list of what my fears were of what all could go wrong as a result of me not performing in this specific instance.

So I'd write down like seven to 10 things of like, well, then I would fail the class. Well, then I wouldn't graduate. Well, then I wouldn't commission. Well, then I would be back a year. You know, I'd write it all down. Then I just like that piece of paper on fire and I just watch it burn in front of me. And it was so like relieving that I realized that like, first of all, you're picturing worst case scenario. Don't do that. And second of all, not all of this is up to you anyway.

So just let it go, do the very best you can and everything else isn't up to you. And that was always a very freeing moment. I just let it watch the paper burn and I'm like, okay, we're good. Let's move on. You know, Lincoln did that, right? He did that? Yeah. Really? Yeah. And he was a president, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. I didn't, I did not know that. Yeah. Yeah. That was his, he'd do that. And then he'd also, for different Congress individuals.

Anybody that really just fucking put a fire into him, he'd write the letter and then he'd put it in the desktop. so he'd either just put it in the drawer. But the majority of the time he wrote the letter and he just threw it right into the fire. so he'd go throw it into the fire, go back to it and then rewrite. The letter that he is a better tone, because it got all the like all the angst, everything like, OK, cool, that's done. Now we're back to. Yeah, we're back to level.

Brandon (42:34.478)
Don't you wish you could have read one of those? Do you? Yeah. It's just like, dear so and so, fuck you. Yeah. And to hear obviously all the stories that you read about them too, as well, just that's one of those people where you were like, dude, I want to see your off or your your button when you just it gets pushed and you just lose your shit because you just use what we know of him. Seems just the even keel.

doesn't lose stoic or he doesn't lose his shit like yeah to be one of those it's always funny when you see those people lose it too as well yeah yeah cuz you're like fuck man something really must that's fucking yeah exactly once in a lifetime yeah that's too funny well should we call it yeah we're good