#6 - The Attentive Parent

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Just a heads up, my dad and uncle Timmy are going to use some bad words that might not be suitable.

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So if you have little ears around, either throw in an earbud or save this episode for a later time.

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Consider yourself warned! Hee hee! Hee hee! Alright, here we go.

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All right, buddy.

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We're back.

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So.

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Let's uh, let's talk about sleep.

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We're a kind of reminiscent about that.

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Yeah, that's.

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I don't know what is going on.

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I actually have some sleep apnea.

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My dad does I do.

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I got tested for it.

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Because my wife was like, Hey, there's some times where I'll wake up and you're like not breathing and I'm like, huh.

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Interesting.

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It sounds like it's a problem.

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She's like, yeah, that would be sleep apnea.

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I was like, oh, okay.

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And then there's times where she's like, yeah, you kicked me as hard as you could in your sleep.

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So I'll like jolt in my sleep.

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I will stop breathing.

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The other night, I don't know if it was like a night terror or what it was, but I got out of bed.

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In a hurry in, like shot up out of bed.

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It was like, Heavy breathing, like walking around my room.

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And then I was like, what am I doing? Like what is going on? So I have no idea.

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Problem is, but I would surmise that.

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Uh, I drink a lot of caffeine every day.

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So it's kind of like a.

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It's kind of a perpetual cycle where it's like, I'm tired in the morning.

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I'll drink a ton of caffeine throughout the day.

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Stay engaged with whatever I need to do.

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And then if it's too late in the day and I have too much caffeine, well then I'm not going to sleep as well.

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So it's, it's like I need to do a caffeine detox or.

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Whatever, but yeah, there's some sleep aids.

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I'll take and.

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Maybe I do need to, like we were talking about the other day, get like a whooper.

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What are some of the other wearables that can track your sleep and then wake you up? When you're not in a REM cycle.

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Yeah.

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Maybe that's what I need to do.

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I don't know.

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Do you have those states where.

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You're like halfway in, halfway up.

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where your, you know, And it scares the shit out of you when you wake up too as well.

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When you fully wake up.

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Yeah.

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But right now I have those states where.

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It's almost, I know what time it is before I even have to check the clock.

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Yeah.

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And it drives me crazy.

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Cause it's like, all right, it's three 40.

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It's 4 45.

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It's five 50, but it's not being able to.

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Fully.

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The deep sleep.

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Yeah.

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And it's.

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I know it's my brain turning.

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Yeah.

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It's trying to find those solutions, whatever problems that are boiling or things that conscious going to work.

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Exactly.

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That.

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And it's just like, bro, this is our time to relax.

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It's kind of cool that.

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And I don't know how well, like studied, documented or known that is because there's a lot of, there's a lot.

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We don't know about driving and, you know, stuff like that.

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But.

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It is cool to think that is that your subconscious at work at night when you're.

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You're your brains running in a different wave.

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I pattern.

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That's what I've read and it feels like it is.

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Yeah.

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Cause it's.

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There's problems.

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There's.

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Key events that happened within there.

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Where it's like, okay.

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This is related to something else.

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But.

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It's also that are we fully.

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Coherent or we have fully there or it's wild in terms of how it does.

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How it works and.

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It's just, when you think about it too, especially with sleep, it's such a fascinating thing.

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And weird and maybe.

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Maybe.

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It's just not.

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Like it's an environmental thing too, as well, or my body can't fully rest.

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'cause it's gotta be on alert.

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Yeah.

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And I think, and I think that's some of that too.

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I've.

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I've built in.

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Too much to an extent.

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Where it's like, okay, this is your time to unwind.

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Yeah.

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This is your time to relax fully.

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And even with my watch, I'll look at my watch.

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Sometimes I take it off because it just pisses me off.

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When I see the readings in the morning.

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Cause it'll say, oh, you're fully rested your body charges at 98%.

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Dude.

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I feel like crap.

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And then there's other times where it feels like I barely even slept in.

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It's like, I'm good to go.

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It's it's wild.

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How that.

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Phenomenon works.

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Yeah.

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I wonder how much of it is when you wake up in the cycle of sleep.

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Yeah, I think that has a lot to do with it.

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Uh, or at least from the little research I've done, but it's almost like.

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Say you sat in alarm.

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You fully intend on waking up at like 5:00 AM.

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And.

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You naturally wake up at like 4 25.

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Your inclination would be like, wow, I have an alarm at five.

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Let me go back to sleep.

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But I wonder if it's not better, that if you naturally woke up at 4 25, did you just get up even though? Yeah, it might suck.

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But you're not sabotaging yourself by then going back into sleep back into a deep sleep cycle and then being, cause I think what it's like 90 minutes is a full cycle.

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So then if, if you wake up at 4 25, you go back to sleep.

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If your alarm goes off at five, it's like abruptly waking you up out of a deep sleep cycle.

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So it's like, I've heard before that maybe just wake up then at the 4 25.

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Yeah.

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And you might be better off.

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Midday.

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I don't know.

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But there's been so many times where I've been in a deep sleep dreaming.

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No, my alarm wakes me up in my little oh yeah.

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And I'm like, damn it.

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That was not the time to wake up.

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Well, then you're groggy is crap too.

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That's the bit.

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The big thing, then the caffeine chaser.

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So yeah, chasing the dragon essentially.

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Entire day.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, man.

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I wanted to share one thing that happened this morning that I thought was really cool.

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And then maybe we could hit on, you know, The topic that we wanted to cover today, but.

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I was.

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Yeah, so clearly.

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Yeah.

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It's Monday morning, didn't sleep super well, you know, woke up and was just not wanting to get out of bed, whatever, call it the Mondays.

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And I didn't have a ton of time from dropping my son off at daycare to get over here.

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And I was like, yeah, me.

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I stopped to get a coffee, something to eat.

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And as I'm in the drive-through.

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Uh, the girl at the window.

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Was super like kind and she was just.

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Like curious and friendly, first thing on a Monday morning.

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So I pull up to the window.

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And she's like, Hey, how's it going? You're on your way to work.

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And I was like, Uh, yeah, kind of she's like, oh, well, what do you do? I was like, well, I'm going to shoot a podcast and I actually have an interview later in the day.

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Uh, she's like, oh, that's awesome.

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Like, that's exciting.

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What.

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What do you do for work then? Like when you're, what are you interviewing for us? I guess, sales.

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So she just like, genuinely was actually curious.

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It wasn't just like.

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Hey, how's it going? Oh, good.

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How are you? Yeah, I'm good.

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Like she actually super nice, super friendly.

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Just.

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It was like, how's your morning going? You know? And after that, I was like, oh, I was like, kind of recharged a little bit.

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Cause it was just a nice, friendly interaction with another person that had some genuine curiosity about someone else's day.

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You know, so I guess the point in that is like, If you can do that for somebody else.

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That could change the course of their day.

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And I just thought that was so cool.

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That's like a little micro lesson.

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Yeah, that I learned this morning that I certainly didn't expect.

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Everyone's so busy in their day-to-day and to just drive into the Starbucks and just like, oh, give me my coffee.

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All.

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All right.

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I got to go do this thing.

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Then the next thing, and they're focused on their day seven steps ahead, but they don't actually take the time to be present and engaged with the person at the window.

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So I thought that was really cool.

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Uh, and I just enjoyed that, you know, I'm more of an extroverted person that can.

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Jive off of other people's energy.

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So yeah.

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Yeah, that was pretty cool.

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It gives you faith that.

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Everything's so possible.

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Yeah.

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First species, right? Like there's, it's where we were looking.

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And the engagements that we're having, because if we will see the world as a hellish blaze, what the hell are we going to expect? Yeah.

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And it is case in point to that.

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Was going home Friday with the girls after school when grocery shopping.

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Got our groceries loaded into the car.

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I put them in the car.

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I locked the car and I'm like, okay, I'll be right back.

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They know the routine.

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Doesn't want to go put the guard away.

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But the card away.

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Going to put the card away.

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There's a guy there.

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Just finishing up and he has two teenage sons.

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And I'm going by and it's pro the car returns probably.

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35.

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50 feet away from his truck.

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I was like, Hey man, I'm dropping this guard off.

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You want me to take your cart? And he just kinda looks at me like, what the fuck? I was like, no, man, there's, there's still good people out here.

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Like, I'll take your card.

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And he's like, really? And I was like, yeah, just give me I'm going there anyways.

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I'll take your cart.

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Yeah.

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He's like, man, thank you.

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I appreciate that.

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And I was like, yeah man.

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Anytime.

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Yeah.

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And it was it's those little things where you're just, and it's not the world's responsibility to give them to you.

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It's your responsibility to give them to the world.

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Yeah.

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'cause that crap comes back and it's reciprocated and it's energy.

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Yeah, because it could have drastically.

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That little thing changed his yeah.

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Day.

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And that's what.

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And the girls were like, what did you do then? Sometimes people just need a little bit of belief that there's still other good people out there too, as well.

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And I said, they're out there, man.

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I said, we just have to find them.

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Right, right.

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Oh, God.

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That's so cool.

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And it's.

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It's but in a lot of it comes from, you know, how it feels to feel fucking shitty.

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Yeah.

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And to feel in that place.

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And it's like, okay.

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Maybe people just need that little sense of.

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It's going to be all right.

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Yeah.

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There's still others in the game with you too, as well.

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Yeah.

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And one thing that came up as you're saying that is like, it's almost like a pattern interrupt for their day.

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Correct.

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There's so like, that guy was probably like, oh man, I got my sons.

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I gotta go to practice.

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Like I got these other things to do.

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I'm in a hurry shit.

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I got to put the cart back and very, in his own head, very head down, focused on all the things he asked to do that maybe he doesn't want to do.

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And then there you are with the pattern interrupted.

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Like, Hey man, can I take your cart? Like what? Uh, sure.

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And then who knows, like maybe, you know, he gets in.

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Uh, he's driving home and.

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He stays in a better mood.

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And after someone cuts him off on accident and he doesn't get a road rage incident because he's like, oh, I feel pretty good from that guy that helped me out on.

248
00:11:00,770 --> 00:11:02,510
Feeling better than I was before.

249
00:11:02,570 --> 00:11:05,090
I mean, you'll never know if the opposite happened.

250
00:11:05,150 --> 00:11:05,420
Right.

251
00:11:05,630 --> 00:11:08,780
But I think the point of it is like, those things can trickle.

252
00:11:09,350 --> 00:11:12,110
You know, in almost like a domino effect.

253
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:16,220
Uh, you know, for someone is given the opportunity to pay it forward.

254
00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:16,670
Yeah.

255
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:19,670
So it's like, okay, somebody looked out for me now.

256
00:11:19,670 --> 00:11:21,980
I feel obligated to go look out for somebody else.

257
00:11:22,430 --> 00:11:25,940
And that's where that investment back into the community into the site.

258
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,080
Society comes in.

259
00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:30,350
Both sets of kids are seeing the transpire.

260
00:11:30,710 --> 00:11:32,510
That's the beautiful thing about, right, right.

261
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:33,860
Cause it's like, oh wow.

262
00:11:33,890 --> 00:11:34,910
Like what's happening here.

263
00:11:35,090 --> 00:11:35,180
Yeah.

264
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:36,200
Oh, this is interesting.

265
00:11:37,490 --> 00:11:38,030
Yeah.

266
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,320
You know, it's crazy.

267
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:39,710
Cause.

268
00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:42,260
I, my brain just.

269
00:11:43,490 --> 00:11:46,340
Shot me like an image of a world where.

270
00:11:47,150 --> 00:11:52,250
You could say we're almost moving to, maybe we're almost even there, depending on how you look at it.

271
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:58,670
But the, the image in my brain was like, I pictured like a grocery store parking lot.

272
00:11:59,210 --> 00:12:01,610
There's a lot of people in that vicinity.

273
00:12:02,270 --> 00:12:04,310
But every single person is.

274
00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:08,840
You looking at their phone or say it's like more futuristic, like connected to a device.

275
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,240
That's not even in front of them, but.

276
00:12:11,780 --> 00:12:19,280
There's a bunch of people co located that are not interacting with one another and are kind of siloed into whatever their device is.

277
00:12:20,090 --> 00:12:21,170
How freaking like.

278
00:12:21,830 --> 00:12:23,150
Depressing and kind of lonely.

279
00:12:23,180 --> 00:12:23,750
That is.

280
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:29,480
Because you have the opportunity to go engage with another person right over there yet.

281
00:12:29,510 --> 00:12:30,980
Your so fixated.

282
00:12:31,490 --> 00:12:37,340
On whatever the device is or whatever that thing's going to get you to, where the next place you have to go to.

283
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:38,720
It's almost like it really.

284
00:12:39,740 --> 00:12:42,530
Technology in my experience.

285
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,290
Really pulls you out of the present moment.

286
00:12:46,580 --> 00:12:49,490
And that's one thing that I really have wanted to.

287
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:52,460
Focus on is getting back to being present.

288
00:12:52,910 --> 00:12:55,040
Especially with the age my son is at because.

289
00:12:55,670 --> 00:12:58,010
I mean, just like all kids, he changes so rapidly.

290
00:12:58,580 --> 00:12:59,810
But if I don't stop and.

291
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:01,130
Watch him.

292
00:13:01,970 --> 00:13:03,530
Walk around in the park with a stick.

293
00:13:03,530 --> 00:13:06,320
Like he was the other day I tried to be to squirrel.

294
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:10,430
Then, you know, I might miss it if I was looking at my stupid phone.

295
00:13:10,670 --> 00:13:11,000
Yeah.

296
00:13:11,060 --> 00:13:13,880
And so there's, there were a couple of times I had to just stop and.

297
00:13:14,570 --> 00:13:18,950
But I do not disturb put it away and be like, what are you doing, man? Just focusing focused on having fun.

298
00:13:18,950 --> 00:13:19,580
Right? Yeah.

299
00:13:19,910 --> 00:13:21,200
So I know it was a little bit of a.

300
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:22,640
Uh, tangent, but.

301
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,080
I don't know.

302
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:24,890
I don't want people to.

303
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,520
Did I have this gum? I had this conversation with the parent.

304
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:29,660
Last week.

305
00:13:30,350 --> 00:13:32,210
And I said, you put nine kids in a room.

306
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,820
No barriers, no filters.

307
00:13:35,150 --> 00:13:35,750
Just play.

308
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:36,260
Yeah.

309
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:37,370
Everybody's vibing.

310
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,220
You're going to have tantrums and naturals.

311
00:13:40,610 --> 00:13:41,570
But they're going to work through it.

312
00:13:41,630 --> 00:13:41,930
Yeah.

313
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:43,550
But they're going to be cohesive.

314
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,760
Everybody's going to pull the other one up.

315
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,660
You put nine adults, everyone's going to their corners and on their phones.

316
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:54,860
Sometimes it takes that one person to say enough is enough.

317
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:56,480
I'm just going to.

318
00:13:57,410 --> 00:13:58,550
I'm going to put myself out there.

319
00:13:59,270 --> 00:14:00,620
And there's no.

320
00:14:01,220 --> 00:14:05,390
Better place to put your, even if it's who gives a shit, if you get rejected.

321
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:05,780
Yeah.

322
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,860
But that one instance where you put yourself out there.

323
00:14:11,030 --> 00:14:12,500
Could we go back to it is.

324
00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:14,060
Dramatically altered.

325
00:14:14,090 --> 00:14:14,750
Somebody's.

326
00:14:15,380 --> 00:14:17,060
Possible day and even life.

327
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,110
Whereas.

328
00:14:18,170 --> 00:14:18,830
Oh, okay.

329
00:14:18,830 --> 00:14:19,340
There's.

330
00:14:20,690 --> 00:14:22,220
Actual people out there.

331
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:23,720
They want to know my story.

332
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:28,220
I don't want to know me cause I don't have time for conversations about.

333
00:14:29,090 --> 00:14:32,150
The fucking weather or politics or.

334
00:14:32,810 --> 00:14:34,310
Things outside forced conversation.

335
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:34,880
Exactly.

336
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:35,000
Yeah.

337
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,920
And it's like, I want to know about you.

338
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:41,090
How was it? Like I want to know, not only, and I don't want it to be.

339
00:14:42,020 --> 00:14:43,400
Paraded in this.

340
00:14:45,140 --> 00:14:46,730
Happy-go-lucky state either.

341
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:47,900
I want the truth.

342
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,130
I want how you feel.

343
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,320
Because then we could work together.

344
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,650
To get through it because I may feel like shit too at the same time.

345
00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:54,980
Yeah.

346
00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:56,570
And I was like, all right, now we're vibing.

347
00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:58,580
We're feeding off each other's energy.

348
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:00,350
Let's pull each other back up.

349
00:15:00,410 --> 00:15:00,710
Yeah.

350
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,810
And it's cool because you get to.

351
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,600
Truly start to understand.

352
00:15:06,110 --> 00:15:06,860
The person.

353
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:08,930
And then you also realize.

354
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:13,610
All this crap that I have everybody else has to.

355
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:13,910
Yep.

356
00:15:14,270 --> 00:15:15,860
They just digested differently.

357
00:15:16,490 --> 00:15:18,440
And then give it a different label, but.

358
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,550
In terms of a species, we're all going through the same thing.

359
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:24,680
We just need to go and.

360
00:15:25,910 --> 00:15:26,810
Work as a pack.

361
00:15:27,350 --> 00:15:28,610
And start pulling each other up.

362
00:15:28,790 --> 00:15:29,060
Yeah.

363
00:15:29,630 --> 00:15:30,320
That's what.

364
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:32,300
My daughter's soccer.

365
00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:33,860
Team's got the sunset wolves and.

366
00:15:34,340 --> 00:15:35,060
That's what I was telling me.

367
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:35,930
That's right.

368
00:15:36,590 --> 00:15:37,820
Such a Colorado name.

369
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:39,440
And I was telling the girls.

370
00:15:40,130 --> 00:15:44,420
Because we've had a, an interest in season, especially with the Colorado weather and.

371
00:15:46,130 --> 00:15:47,750
It just a lot of delays with it.

372
00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:50,120
But it's eight years old kids.

373
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,640
And so everybody's very.

374
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:56,120
Depending on their upbringing and results driven.

375
00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:59,660
And I'm like, we're not at a stage where we could care about results.

376
00:16:00,110 --> 00:16:02,780
We play as a team, the results are taking care of themselves.

377
00:16:03,890 --> 00:16:05,660
And that was my point of emphasis was.

378
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,210
I said, there's no negative.

379
00:16:08,210 --> 00:16:10,280
Self-talk out here because our bodies are listening.

380
00:16:10,820 --> 00:16:13,400
And you could tell it was just a mind fuck for some of the kids.

381
00:16:14,090 --> 00:16:14,510
And it's.

382
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:16,430
We're not playing.

383
00:16:17,330 --> 00:16:19,700
As yourself out here, you're playing as a team out here.

384
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:23,210
And I said, and what is the wolves? Greatest strength.

385
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:24,560
They're pack.

386
00:16:25,130 --> 00:16:26,450
And I said, and that's how you play.

387
00:16:26,870 --> 00:16:28,940
Wolf pack you play as the Wolf pack.

388
00:16:28,970 --> 00:16:29,630
Exactly.

389
00:16:30,470 --> 00:16:31,520
And they're the ones.

390
00:16:31,670 --> 00:16:32,450
And I said, and there's.

391
00:16:33,170 --> 00:16:35,000
The leader needs the pack.

392
00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:37,880
More than the pack needs the leader.

393
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:42,860
And I said, and that's should be a drive home statement for a lot of parents do as well.

394
00:16:42,890 --> 00:16:43,430
Yeah.

395
00:16:43,790 --> 00:16:44,210
Wow.

396
00:16:44,540 --> 00:16:47,480
It's like without the pack, the leader is nothing.

397
00:16:47,690 --> 00:16:47,930
Yep.

398
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:53,030
And that's the one that continuously raises the standards, gets them going.

399
00:16:54,050 --> 00:16:54,890
Where you think of.

400
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,500
Going keep going with the Wolf.

401
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:00,260
The leader doesn't sit in the front.

402
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,360
The leader sits in the very back.

403
00:17:03,140 --> 00:17:03,740
He puts.

404
00:17:04,970 --> 00:17:07,850
The ones that he trusts most up at the point.

405
00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:11,450
The week, go into the middle to be protected.

406
00:17:12,020 --> 00:17:15,470
And he stays at the pack at the back, ensuring that nobody's left behind.

407
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,500
Or everybody thinks a leader has to be at the very front.

408
00:17:18,710 --> 00:17:18,980
Yeah.

409
00:17:19,190 --> 00:17:21,170
That should be the leaders should be the one in.

410
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:23,390
Batman, the one in the shadows.

411
00:17:24,290 --> 00:17:26,090
Operating ensuring that.

412
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:32,720
Everybody's falling their course, but also taking on the responsibility of the pack too, as well.

413
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:34,280
I am the bad man.

414
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:34,730
Yeah.

415
00:17:35,810 --> 00:17:38,360
It's just an interesting look when you said.

416
00:17:38,870 --> 00:17:39,680
The.

417
00:17:40,610 --> 00:17:42,830
Wolf needs the pack more than the pack needs the Wolf.

418
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:43,160
Right.

419
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:43,910
And the later.

420
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:44,420
The leader.

421
00:17:44,420 --> 00:17:44,660
Sorry.

422
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:45,140
Yeah.

423
00:17:45,290 --> 00:17:46,460
So I totally agree with that.

424
00:17:47,030 --> 00:17:50,630
Did you mean it in a way? That.

425
00:17:51,410 --> 00:17:56,240
By being the leader and leading others, let's say in this case, you're the family CEO.

426
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:57,590
You have the family that you're leading.

427
00:17:59,810 --> 00:18:05,780
You need the family because as a leader, you are, you grow and you.

428
00:18:06,530 --> 00:18:12,080
Develop and you become a better person because of the responsibility, the burdens, the experiences.

429
00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:14,300
That you have as a leader.

430
00:18:14,390 --> 00:18:16,280
Is that kinda what you're getting at? Okay.

431
00:18:16,670 --> 00:18:17,960
Yeah, I totally agree with that.

432
00:18:18,410 --> 00:18:19,250
Yeah, you take that.

433
00:18:19,370 --> 00:18:20,360
That's part of.

434
00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:25,310
As part of the duty part of the obligation that comes with with it.

435
00:18:25,430 --> 00:18:28,340
And it's ensuring that the pack knows that though.

436
00:18:28,670 --> 00:18:33,080
That's that that's the drive home point with it, that the pack needs to know that.

437
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,110
The leader is nothing without them because.

438
00:18:36,110 --> 00:18:37,070
Because it raises them up.

439
00:18:37,430 --> 00:18:39,020
It strengthens the core.

440
00:18:39,890 --> 00:18:40,610
Yeah, that's.

441
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,610
That's one thing that I always tried to keep in mind.

442
00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:45,140
It's funny.

443
00:18:46,370 --> 00:18:48,470
Through like college curriculum ROTC.

444
00:18:48,470 --> 00:18:50,480
I'm sure the military academies at the same way.

445
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:52,280
When you are.

446
00:18:53,660 --> 00:18:57,020
Learning to become an officer and learning the components of leadership.

447
00:18:58,580 --> 00:19:02,570
They break down the different styles of leadership and one of them, I don't remember all of them, but.

448
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,060
You know, imagine one is like authoritative.

449
00:19:05,090 --> 00:19:06,290
What I say goes.

450
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:11,060
It's going to be the least effective, but the one that stood out with.

451
00:19:11,540 --> 00:19:14,000
Which I tended to gravitate towards.

452
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:15,380
I think it was called.

453
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:15,620
Yeah.

454
00:19:15,620 --> 00:19:17,210
So then there's transactional.

455
00:19:17,570 --> 00:19:17,960
Right.

456
00:19:18,710 --> 00:19:20,180
Then there's transformational.

457
00:19:20,690 --> 00:19:24,710
The transformational one is something I always kept in the back of my head because.

458
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:35,450
I was just thinking to myself, how can I inspire these people to want to accomplish whatever the thing is? And they could do it without me, obviously.

459
00:19:35,450 --> 00:19:49,580
So it ties into what you're saying, like, how do I get through to these people? So that they are intrinsically motivated and inspired themselves to conduct what other activities, whatever activities are needed to meet that end state.

460
00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:54,410
That transformational model is super powerful.

461
00:19:54,710 --> 00:19:55,580
And I think.

462
00:19:56,060 --> 00:19:57,710
It kind of ties into what you're saying.

463
00:19:57,740 --> 00:20:03,620
Like they all recognize that they could collectively do this without the leader, the leaders there too.

464
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:05,270
You know, enact.

465
00:20:06,410 --> 00:20:08,150
Tools resources whatever's needed.

466
00:20:08,180 --> 00:20:09,020
Be the guide.

467
00:20:10,010 --> 00:20:16,820
But also help to inspire and kind of transform them into the people that can, can do the thing, right? Yeah.

468
00:20:16,970 --> 00:20:20,210
And you have to have.

469
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:25,130
Sounds wild and weird to say, but almost three dimensional thinking.

470
00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:27,500
Because not everybody's going to absorb.

471
00:20:28,610 --> 00:20:29,960
Everybody learns differently.

472
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,780
So you have ones that are going to be visual.

473
00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:34,820
Ones that are going to be audio.

474
00:20:35,660 --> 00:20:37,340
Others that just need to.

475
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,670
Show it be done too as well.

476
00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:42,860
And that's where.

477
00:20:44,090 --> 00:20:45,140
Especially doing a lot of.

478
00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:47,960
I did a shit load of instructing.

479
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:53,210
And that was one of the key takeaways that I constantly kept going to is.

480
00:20:55,010 --> 00:20:58,490
There may be geniuses in the room that you can't even talk to.

481
00:20:58,940 --> 00:21:00,410
Because they don't want to speak up.

482
00:21:01,430 --> 00:21:03,200
And that's just the way that they operate.

483
00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:07,070
I don't look same day, but the individual operates that way.

484
00:21:09,140 --> 00:21:11,420
They're more in tune with their words.

485
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,220
As opposed to being spoken.

486
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,320
Which I could fully relate to.

487
00:21:15,740 --> 00:21:18,410
So it goes back to okay.

488
00:21:19,430 --> 00:21:20,120
How do I.

489
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:22,790
Essentially you want.

490
00:21:23,570 --> 00:21:24,890
You need everybody's voice.

491
00:21:24,980 --> 00:21:29,180
So how do I get to their voice? So you do it through you.

492
00:21:30,410 --> 00:21:30,920
Different.

493
00:21:31,670 --> 00:21:35,690
I mean surveys, different, different avenues where you could go with it.

494
00:21:35,750 --> 00:21:37,610
Open, open floor.

495
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,110
One-on-ones.

496
00:21:40,580 --> 00:21:41,420
Really.

497
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,760
Because you have to get them to contribute.

498
00:21:44,540 --> 00:21:48,080
Den to know that they're contributing at that same point too, as well.

499
00:21:49,220 --> 00:21:52,580
The investment is going both ways with it and that I don't know everything.

500
00:21:53,450 --> 00:21:54,110
None of us do.

501
00:21:55,070 --> 00:21:55,790
But I need you.

502
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:56,720
I need your help.

503
00:21:58,340 --> 00:22:00,860
And right now to just saying that.

504
00:22:01,940 --> 00:22:03,710
It breaks down so many walls.

505
00:22:04,940 --> 00:22:06,860
When you ask for help.

506
00:22:07,460 --> 00:22:08,930
And you don't even need to be.

507
00:22:10,610 --> 00:22:13,850
It's like what business right now? It's the same way.

508
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,470
I'm just having these conversations.

509
00:22:15,470 --> 00:22:18,650
I'm not even asking for help and helps coming my way.

510
00:22:19,550 --> 00:22:20,450
It's it's.

511
00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:22,550
I want to do this with, for the community here.

512
00:22:22,940 --> 00:22:24,710
This is my plans for oh, okay.

513
00:22:25,070 --> 00:22:33,920
Here do you need my kids to start passing out flyers for you? What else do you need from me? It's wild because people want to be involved.

514
00:22:34,070 --> 00:22:34,310
Yeah.

515
00:22:35,030 --> 00:22:36,320
But they want to be involved in.

516
00:22:36,710 --> 00:22:38,540
Place that is drawing us forward to.

517
00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:41,150
Not just the typical board, Karen.

518
00:22:41,450 --> 00:22:41,840
That's okay.

519
00:22:42,230 --> 00:22:45,470
This is looking for a problem where it's okay.

520
00:22:45,470 --> 00:22:45,950
Cool.

521
00:22:46,070 --> 00:22:47,930
Like there's somebody out there.

522
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,050
That's just like me.

523
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:51,350
Yeah.

524
00:22:51,470 --> 00:22:52,610
Then wants to see.

525
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,000
I don't necessarily like change, just progress.

526
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:57,770
Just pointing us in.

527
00:22:58,460 --> 00:22:59,870
An avenue where we need to be going.

528
00:23:00,050 --> 00:23:00,380
Yeah.

529
00:23:01,910 --> 00:23:02,120
Yeah.

530
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:05,240
And you were hitting on something that I think is important and that's.

531
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:09,140
This could be in a leadership role for you as a.

532
00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:12,770
Family CEO as a real CEO in a company or.

533
00:23:13,430 --> 00:23:17,180
Uh, church group, community, whatever the leadership role is.

534
00:23:17,660 --> 00:23:21,260
It involves getting to know your people, because like you said, Different.

535
00:23:21,860 --> 00:23:23,750
Let's see different strokes for different folks.

536
00:23:23,780 --> 00:23:24,020
Yeah.

537
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,210
But it's, it, it truly is.

538
00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:30,710
Different learning styles, different personality types, different.

539
00:23:31,310 --> 00:23:34,730
Comprehension, comprehension, backgrounds, et cetera, et cetera, you name it.

540
00:23:34,730 --> 00:23:37,730
But what it takes though is for you to truly get to know.

541
00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:43,400
That individual and what their thing is and their background, their story, how they communicate.

542
00:23:43,970 --> 00:23:50,390
Getting to know all of them to a level that you can find the most effective communication method with them.

543
00:23:51,020 --> 00:23:55,280
Whether that is your kids, because they're going to be different or that is your team at work.

544
00:23:55,730 --> 00:24:00,890
It is truly on you as the leader to get to know them and how to effectively communicate with them.

545
00:24:01,490 --> 00:24:06,020
So that they can give them the most of themselves to the team.

546
00:24:06,620 --> 00:24:11,780
But that involves sitting down, having conversations, learning about them, genuinely being interested in them.

547
00:24:12,650 --> 00:24:13,550
And realizing that.

548
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,090
We're all similar, but we're all very different at the same time.

549
00:24:17,180 --> 00:24:17,480
Yeah.

550
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,190
So that is.

551
00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:23,810
In my opinion, one of the most important components of being in that leadership role.

552
00:24:23,930 --> 00:24:25,400
It's just truly get to know your folks.

553
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:25,910
Yeah.

554
00:24:26,030 --> 00:24:29,720
And what makes them tick? And how you can serve them.

555
00:24:29,780 --> 00:24:32,090
So self-deprecating humor.

556
00:24:32,420 --> 00:24:32,930
Yes.

557
00:24:33,650 --> 00:24:34,280
That is.

558
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:39,410
The linchpin to get in to pretty much it breaks down so much.

559
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:39,620
Yeah.

560
00:24:39,710 --> 00:24:40,250
All of that.

561
00:24:41,090 --> 00:24:44,570
Resistance that you're having to try to communicate with that group or that individual.

562
00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:49,280
Because most people go around with these thoughts inside their heads.

563
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:50,750
They're not able to vocalize them.

564
00:24:51,020 --> 00:24:55,280
And when they hear somebody in the forefront, vocalizing them in tearing themselves down.

565
00:24:56,450 --> 00:24:57,170
It's like, holy shit.

566
00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:57,380
He's.

567
00:24:58,100 --> 00:24:58,760
It becomes.

568
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:00,560
We're all equal.

569
00:25:00,620 --> 00:25:00,890
Yeah.

570
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:01,910
He's just like us.

571
00:25:03,530 --> 00:25:03,770
Yep.

572
00:25:04,340 --> 00:25:05,630
Yeah, it's a cool thing.

573
00:25:05,630 --> 00:25:06,830
And my kids love it.

574
00:25:07,130 --> 00:25:08,390
Cause they're like, dad, you're crazy.

575
00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:10,820
But it gives.

576
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:13,370
It's good to call yourself out though, too.

577
00:25:13,550 --> 00:25:14,090
It is.

578
00:25:14,210 --> 00:25:16,700
And if you can make somebody laugh because of it.

579
00:25:17,270 --> 00:25:18,350
The why the hell not.

580
00:25:18,770 --> 00:25:21,770
Yeah, if not just for the reminder that.

581
00:25:22,970 --> 00:25:24,530
You shouldn't take everything so serious.

582
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:26,720
You know, I remember.

583
00:25:28,670 --> 00:25:29,480
I remember.

584
00:25:29,900 --> 00:25:33,860
I was probably 24 at 25, maybe.

585
00:25:34,370 --> 00:25:41,360
And I was a platoon leader and one of the other platoon sergeants and the other platoon, we were out doing some sort of like field training.

586
00:25:41,390 --> 00:25:43,100
And I think maybe it was like live fire.

587
00:25:43,490 --> 00:25:47,390
So when you're shooting live, Artillery rounds or a hundred pound bombs.

588
00:25:47,390 --> 00:25:52,880
I mean, if you miscalculate one of those, you could kill, you could kill someone on accident that you didn't mean to.

589
00:25:52,940 --> 00:25:54,170
So pretty important.

590
00:25:54,830 --> 00:26:01,970
Yeah, but the point of it was there's so many systems in place and so many professionals that ensure that, that kind of thing doesn't happen.

591
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:05,030
And so as the leader, I trust your people.

592
00:26:05,030 --> 00:26:05,900
Trust the systems.

593
00:26:06,650 --> 00:26:09,140
I don't know what, what it was specifically I was doing.

594
00:26:09,140 --> 00:26:13,280
Maybe he could tell, I was like a little bit stressed about something and he was just like, Hey, sir.

595
00:26:13,490 --> 00:26:14,390
Don't worry about it.

596
00:26:14,390 --> 00:26:15,170
It's going to be fine.

597
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,280
It's just the army.

598
00:26:16,490 --> 00:26:17,330
Not a big deal.

599
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:18,260
We're good, man.

600
00:26:18,470 --> 00:26:19,400
And I was like, oh shit.

601
00:26:19,940 --> 00:26:20,450
Yeah, he's right.

602
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:21,680
And he's actually, he's very right.

603
00:26:21,950 --> 00:26:25,580
I mean, he had spent a cumulative five years that Iraq.

604
00:26:25,940 --> 00:26:27,380
That's how much this guy deploy.

605
00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:29,360
So he's been there, done that, seen at all.

606
00:26:29,750 --> 00:26:31,880
So for him to just come up to me and be like, Hey man, it's.

607
00:26:31,910 --> 00:26:32,480
Not that serious.

608
00:26:32,540 --> 00:26:33,680
Just Jeremy, don't worry about it.

609
00:26:33,770 --> 00:26:34,400
We're going to be good.

610
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:35,840
I was like, oh shit.

611
00:26:35,870 --> 00:26:40,730
I just needed that little reminder of like, not taking this and not taking myself.

612
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:42,680
So seriously in this moment.

613
00:26:42,770 --> 00:26:49,760
So yeah, the self-deprecating humor is super important in terms of just even if not a reminder of like, It's going to be good.

614
00:26:49,970 --> 00:26:51,410
It's not that serious.

615
00:26:52,250 --> 00:26:53,780
And if it is okay.

616
00:26:54,140 --> 00:26:54,410
Right.

617
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:55,910
What's the worst it's going to happen.

618
00:26:55,940 --> 00:26:57,380
We're all going to kick the bucket someday.

619
00:26:57,380 --> 00:26:58,070
Anyway, so.

620
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,200
I mean it's with sports.

621
00:27:00,350 --> 00:27:01,760
You don't want to be stuck in your head.

622
00:27:01,910 --> 00:27:02,120
Yeah.

623
00:27:02,150 --> 00:27:04,010
It's getting you out of your head instantly.

624
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:04,280
Yep.

625
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:06,950
And it's bringing you back to that situation.

626
00:27:07,730 --> 00:27:09,980
Or are they okay? We're not we're all right.

627
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,380
We just need to be here.

628
00:27:12,740 --> 00:27:13,610
Yeah, and we're good to go.

629
00:27:14,690 --> 00:27:15,620
And you need that call up.

630
00:27:15,890 --> 00:27:18,320
Sometimes it's a very good call-out and.

631
00:27:19,370 --> 00:27:23,480
It's such a mind shift at that time where it just pivots you into the moment.

632
00:27:23,870 --> 00:27:26,150
And you're just like, yeah, this is, this is where we're at.

633
00:27:26,330 --> 00:27:27,470
Yeah, this is what we're doing.

634
00:27:28,010 --> 00:27:28,130
Yeah.

635
00:27:28,310 --> 00:27:29,300
It's not just me.

636
00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:30,410
It's everybody else too.

637
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:33,260
Yeah, I don't, I don't want to derail this too much.

638
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,170
But I feel like we're pulling each other all over the place.

639
00:27:37,430 --> 00:27:38,540
But it was funny.

640
00:27:38,540 --> 00:27:47,570
I was talking to a psychotherapist last week about, uh, I was like, you know, For, for real estate investing, I'm sending out these letters to property owners and.

641
00:27:49,340 --> 00:27:58,760
I caught myself so many times trying to just like kick the can down the road to like, not do the things that I know I needed to do in order to have some success with investing.

642
00:27:58,940 --> 00:27:59,150
Yeah.

643
00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:05,660
And he's like, oh, did you have like kind of some intrusive thoughts or kind of extreme thinking? I was like, yeah.

644
00:28:05,690 --> 00:28:09,770
He's like, all right, I'm going to go down this pathway and see if any of this resonates with you.

645
00:28:10,610 --> 00:28:10,970
He goes.

646
00:28:10,970 --> 00:28:11,300
All right.

647
00:28:11,300 --> 00:28:12,530
So I'm going to send these letters out.

648
00:28:12,530 --> 00:28:13,760
What's the worst case scenario.

649
00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:18,530
I just so happen to send one to an absolute psychopath that was looking for their next victim.

650
00:28:18,980 --> 00:28:22,520
And goes, Hmm, here's this guy that sent me a letter that wants to buy my property.

651
00:28:22,550 --> 00:28:24,980
I'm going to go to his house, kill him and his entire family.

652
00:28:25,370 --> 00:28:29,210
He's like, does that sound about right to you? I was like, I started laughing.

653
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:30,440
I was like, yeah.

654
00:28:30,470 --> 00:28:45,470
Why? Like I was like, why do our brains think such worst case in extreme scenarios? He's like, well, It's not as useful anymore, but I mean, those are historical, like survival mechanisms that we all have, and that doesn't just change with time.

655
00:28:46,100 --> 00:28:47,210
And I was just thinking about that.

656
00:28:47,210 --> 00:28:47,780
I was like, yeah.

657
00:28:48,020 --> 00:28:50,300
That is so crazy that we do that.

658
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:51,230
And we.

659
00:28:52,010 --> 00:28:53,720
We think so extreme yet.

660
00:28:54,170 --> 00:28:55,790
The chances of that situation.

661
00:28:55,790 --> 00:28:59,750
I just described to you, I'm more likely to get in a plane accident or attacked by a shark.

662
00:28:59,780 --> 00:29:04,700
You know what I mean? Like it's a very small percentage that anything that extreme is going to happen.

663
00:29:05,180 --> 00:29:07,280
But our brains yet push us to this.

664
00:29:08,630 --> 00:29:16,160
Extreme situation for what seems like seemingly no reason, but there is, you know, I think there's a battle that's happening inside.

665
00:29:16,430 --> 00:29:23,240
So it's you it's those thoughts are coming from a place of it's trying to talk you out of it.

666
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:23,690
Yeah.

667
00:29:24,470 --> 00:29:26,630
And then there's the other side where.

668
00:29:27,410 --> 00:29:28,820
It knows you're onto something.

669
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:33,590
Um, and so it's doing everything in its power to keep you in that state.

670
00:29:35,210 --> 00:29:36,590
So we don't have to go out there.

671
00:29:36,830 --> 00:29:37,160
Yeah.

672
00:29:37,190 --> 00:29:39,320
In that progressive state where everything's vulnerable.

673
00:29:39,710 --> 00:29:41,510
And the unfamiliar.

674
00:29:42,590 --> 00:29:44,780
We're going into a state where we can't see.

675
00:29:45,110 --> 00:29:45,920
Anything anymore.

676
00:29:46,100 --> 00:29:46,820
We're just acting.

677
00:29:47,810 --> 00:29:50,390
And the biggest for me personally, that is.

678
00:29:50,660 --> 00:29:52,280
That has killed it.

679
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:53,780
We all have it.

680
00:29:54,110 --> 00:29:56,510
But it shouldn't have killed it, but have silenced.

681
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:57,680
That noise.

682
00:29:58,160 --> 00:29:58,670
Is action.

683
00:29:58,760 --> 00:29:59,090
Yeah.

684
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:00,140
It's putting it.

685
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:00,710
Okay.

686
00:30:01,340 --> 00:30:02,480
This is what you're telling me.

687
00:30:03,020 --> 00:30:03,380
All right.

688
00:30:03,380 --> 00:30:03,950
Fuck you.

689
00:30:04,190 --> 00:30:05,720
I know, I know what this is.

690
00:30:05,810 --> 00:30:06,110
Yeah.

691
00:30:06,290 --> 00:30:08,480
This is you trying to keep me at this point.

692
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:09,530
And keep me settled.

693
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:13,100
Because we don't want this other brain over here.

694
00:30:13,790 --> 00:30:15,230
To become fully operational.

695
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:16,880
Um, because that's our brain.

696
00:30:17,330 --> 00:30:18,260
Yeah, that's our mind.

697
00:30:18,290 --> 00:30:19,400
That's the one that.

698
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,820
Is the artist that's painting.

699
00:30:23,300 --> 00:30:23,930
The future.

700
00:30:25,550 --> 00:30:26,900
But there's that all that.

701
00:30:27,050 --> 00:30:29,570
That consistent battle that happened and it's a muscle.

702
00:30:29,690 --> 00:30:32,750
So it's one of those where if you put too much thought into.

703
00:30:33,890 --> 00:30:36,440
The thoughts itself, it becomes overpowering.

704
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:37,940
And it almost speak.

705
00:30:38,540 --> 00:30:41,810
It's almost like it's self-induced or self-absorbed trauma.

706
00:30:42,170 --> 00:30:43,400
You're creating trauma.

707
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,230
That was not even there to begin with.

708
00:30:45,290 --> 00:30:46,940
Yeah, and you're pointed into it.

709
00:30:46,970 --> 00:30:48,560
And now you're sitting in that state.

710
00:30:49,220 --> 00:30:52,250
When all along there was never even trauma to begin with.

711
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:52,910
Yeah.

712
00:30:52,940 --> 00:30:54,890
It's like 95%.

713
00:30:54,890 --> 00:30:56,900
I don't know what statistic is of shit that you worry about.

714
00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:57,890
Never even comes true.

715
00:30:57,920 --> 00:30:58,190
Right.

716
00:30:58,220 --> 00:31:00,440
You know? Um, and I wanted to share.

717
00:31:00,980 --> 00:31:01,520
Because why.

718
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:04,370
It's that's a very good explanation by the way.

719
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:04,940
And I think.

720
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:06,860
'cause I totally agree, man.

721
00:31:06,860 --> 00:31:10,220
I, and, and I wanted to pull up what specifically I wrote down.

722
00:31:10,310 --> 00:31:10,580
Yeah.

723
00:31:11,390 --> 00:31:12,950
Because I think this can be helpful.

724
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,320
So let me try to see if I can.

725
00:31:16,580 --> 00:31:18,410
Well, and just to elaborate on it.

726
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,190
That's one of the downfalls of social media.

727
00:31:23,270 --> 00:31:25,730
Because those stories that we're hearing.

728
00:31:27,830 --> 00:31:28,910
Oddly enough.

729
00:31:29,930 --> 00:31:34,970
If we con, if we're constantly just absorbing and taking it in and just digested it.

730
00:31:35,300 --> 00:31:35,600
Yeah.

731
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,150
That's somebody else's trauma that we're taking on.

732
00:31:38,330 --> 00:31:39,440
That's not even our trauma.

733
00:31:39,620 --> 00:31:39,980
Yeah.

734
00:31:40,070 --> 00:31:43,580
And we do a disservice to ourselves by doing that.

735
00:31:44,180 --> 00:31:45,830
Because we're not digesting our own.

736
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,440
We're falling and that's where the battle.

737
00:31:49,010 --> 00:31:49,700
Ensues.

738
00:31:50,210 --> 00:31:51,740
Because we're not holding true to our story.

739
00:31:52,580 --> 00:31:54,230
We're following somebody else's story.

740
00:31:54,290 --> 00:31:54,590
Yeah.

741
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:55,460
And it's.

742
00:31:56,570 --> 00:32:00,500
A point where you're like, okay, I just need to just close all these books.

743
00:32:01,250 --> 00:32:02,780
And I need to go back to writing mine.

744
00:32:03,530 --> 00:32:04,970
And it becomes.

745
00:32:06,110 --> 00:32:08,840
And it's a constant struggle with it, but go ahead, fire away.

746
00:32:08,930 --> 00:32:10,670
Well, you're hitting on it.

747
00:32:10,670 --> 00:32:15,590
And I think it's important to point out that like this conversation and anyone that we bring on.

748
00:32:16,100 --> 00:32:17,480
It will be helpful to learn.

749
00:32:17,510 --> 00:32:21,380
Hey, what was the thing that was initially kind of holding you back? Like.

750
00:32:22,490 --> 00:32:24,380
What neural pathways.

751
00:32:24,590 --> 00:32:24,860
Yeah.

752
00:32:24,980 --> 00:32:26,510
We're reinforced that.

753
00:32:26,540 --> 00:32:31,100
We're trying to stop you from doing the things, you know, you needed to do to get where you wanted to go.

754
00:32:32,540 --> 00:32:38,240
Because these other social media stories of like live 400 units by age 25, like.

755
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:46,940
Okay, but you don't learn of any of the struggles maybe internally or the, the, the blocks that they had to get through to get to that point.

756
00:32:46,940 --> 00:32:51,740
So I'll try to like succinctly read through this, but essentially the gist is.

757
00:32:53,090 --> 00:32:59,510
When you recognize there's a thing that you need to do, like you recognize, oh, I need to send out those letters.

758
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,820
And it's like the 30th time it's come up that day.

759
00:33:03,290 --> 00:33:07,970
And I, I say something internally to myself, such as like, ah, maybe I'll do it tomorrow or.

760
00:33:08,690 --> 00:33:10,340
Maybe I don't want to like, even do this.

761
00:33:10,340 --> 00:33:13,580
Cause I'm nervous what this person will say or rejection, whatever.

762
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:19,730
So pick up what that automatic default action of what my brain is telling me to do.

763
00:33:20,210 --> 00:33:20,870
So this.

764
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,380
And in that, in that case, it would be like, let's just wait till tomorrow.

765
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:25,880
Or like, Hey, let's just not do this.

766
00:33:26,180 --> 00:33:29,000
That's the automatic impulse that my brain is telling me to do.

767
00:33:29,780 --> 00:33:31,850
This is an old neuro neuropathway.

768
00:33:33,140 --> 00:33:34,160
So these are still present.

769
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:37,220
And when a new situation comes up, that reminds me of an old one.

770
00:33:37,220 --> 00:33:38,540
It reminds me of the old event.

771
00:33:38,750 --> 00:33:39,650
So I'll give an example.

772
00:33:39,650 --> 00:33:42,170
In this case, when I was an agent and I was cold calling.

773
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:44,270
I had an experience with this guy.

774
00:33:44,300 --> 00:33:45,290
He kept telling me he was.

775
00:33:45,890 --> 00:33:50,990
Now I know being a little bit more seasoned in sales, what he was doing, he was pushing me off, essentially, just like, whatever.

776
00:33:51,020 --> 00:33:51,320
Right.

777
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:53,690
But he's like, why don't you give me a call Monday, right.

778
00:33:53,750 --> 00:33:54,440
Called a Monday.

779
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:55,700
And I want you give me a call Friday.

780
00:33:55,730 --> 00:33:57,830
The guy was always fucking busy miraculously.

781
00:33:57,830 --> 00:33:59,450
When they call them just don't pick up the phone.

782
00:33:59,660 --> 00:33:59,930
Yeah.

783
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:04,280
So I did that three, four times finally called them the four time he lost his shit.

784
00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:05,390
He's like, what the fuck, man? I.

785
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:10,100
You know, he's like a, a real rust belt guy in Pittsburgh construction type.

786
00:34:10,850 --> 00:34:14,510
He said, what the fuck, man, it's you again? And I was like, yeah, you told me to call you.

787
00:34:14,540 --> 00:34:16,100
And he's like, ah, Don't fucking call me.

788
00:34:16,220 --> 00:34:17,330
Like lost his shit.

789
00:34:17,810 --> 00:34:18,530
I got the phone.

790
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,720
I was like, what a fucking Dick had.

791
00:34:20,930 --> 00:34:21,260
Right.

792
00:34:21,290 --> 00:34:25,640
I was so angry and I, you know, I still hold onto that because it's like, that is.

793
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,460
In your brain, worst case scenario.

794
00:34:28,490 --> 00:34:35,270
What happens when you pick up the phone and cold call now as anything in a coma that obviously not, it's like I'm getting attacked by a shark or something.

795
00:34:35,630 --> 00:34:40,670
But that formed a neuro pathway that I kept reinforcing.

796
00:34:40,670 --> 00:34:44,180
Every time I was going to pick up the phone and I was like, oh man, I don't know.

797
00:34:44,210 --> 00:34:45,290
Maybe I shouldn't do this.

798
00:34:45,290 --> 00:34:45,650
Like.

799
00:34:46,190 --> 00:34:47,780
Yeah, this person might, might.

800
00:34:48,500 --> 00:34:50,000
You know, tell me off or whatever.

801
00:34:50,720 --> 00:34:55,640
So every time I, it gets stronger and stronger by me pushing off the thing I know I needed to do.

802
00:34:55,700 --> 00:34:55,970
Yeah.

803
00:34:56,060 --> 00:34:59,030
And so in this case, me sending out the letters.

804
00:34:59,420 --> 00:35:09,950
It's like a, what if this person, do you remember what happened last time you put yourself out there, you had that guy who was a fucking asshole, right? It's that reinforcement that kind of stopped so many people me as well.

805
00:35:10,250 --> 00:35:14,450
So I think the point is, is that's an old neuro pathway and.

806
00:35:15,470 --> 00:35:18,230
It reminds me of that old event, but I have agency though.

807
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:24,110
So the more I can identify with what's coming up and decide to not reinforce this pathway is how I can change it.

808
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:25,700
So I can say, okay.

809
00:35:25,700 --> 00:35:27,230
Yeah, we understand what happened last time.

810
00:35:27,530 --> 00:35:29,840
But listen for where you think you want to go.

811
00:35:30,230 --> 00:35:31,940
And where you, you want to be in the future.

812
00:35:32,150 --> 00:35:33,650
These are the things you need to do.

813
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:34,370
So.

814
00:35:35,180 --> 00:35:42,080
Thank you brain for what you're trying to help me with, but I need to do this anyway, and then you do it and then you can change those.

815
00:35:42,620 --> 00:35:46,700
You know that circuitry a little bit, every single time you intervene and still do the thing.

816
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:55,310
So I just wanted to point that out because I think that's a huge setback that people face on the, on the entrepreneurial side.

817
00:35:55,940 --> 00:35:56,300
For sure.

818
00:35:56,690 --> 00:35:57,230
Yeah, no.

819
00:35:57,230 --> 00:35:57,650
And it's.

820
00:35:58,460 --> 00:36:00,290
We alluded to it before is.

821
00:36:02,240 --> 00:36:02,870
We can't.

822
00:36:03,230 --> 00:36:04,880
Anticipate that's truth.

823
00:36:05,570 --> 00:36:06,830
That that could be a lie.

824
00:36:07,250 --> 00:36:07,520
Yeah.

825
00:36:07,700 --> 00:36:09,920
And that's your brain does lie to you? Yes.

826
00:36:10,130 --> 00:36:12,620
Got everything upstairs is truthful.

827
00:36:12,830 --> 00:36:14,300
Um, nor is it.

828
00:36:14,330 --> 00:36:19,430
I felt the way it was originally felt before were.

829
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:21,980
Pulling on that.

830
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:24,950
To obstruct action.

831
00:36:25,850 --> 00:36:27,230
Because we know.

832
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:29,600
The voice.

833
00:36:29,930 --> 00:36:30,950
That is that whisper.

834
00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:32,870
That's been guiding you your entire life.

835
00:36:32,930 --> 00:36:34,250
That's the one that's calling for you.

836
00:36:35,150 --> 00:36:36,740
And it's impeding that whisper.

837
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,110
And so it's just trying to silence that whisper.

838
00:36:39,890 --> 00:36:41,810
That's what I wrote the other day too.

839
00:36:41,810 --> 00:36:41,990
And.

840
00:36:42,770 --> 00:36:50,000
I told it to my girls and I said, The bottom line is you need to be the curator of your thoughts and the composer of your voice.

841
00:36:51,470 --> 00:36:56,870
And what I mean by that is it goes back to an old Saint Jim Rowan as it, you have to guard your mind.

842
00:36:57,860 --> 00:37:00,770
You have to guard your mind, not the mind, the mind.

843
00:37:01,070 --> 00:37:02,390
Tony Robbins do as well.

844
00:37:03,020 --> 00:37:03,500
Tony rock.

845
00:37:03,590 --> 00:37:04,580
And then it's, but it's.

846
00:37:05,540 --> 00:37:06,830
That mind is always there.

847
00:37:07,250 --> 00:37:08,300
It doesn't go away.

848
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:09,080
And that.

849
00:37:10,010 --> 00:37:14,090
Was it still a lesson? I think I learned it finally.

850
00:37:15,230 --> 00:37:16,430
But that it's always going to be there.

851
00:37:17,300 --> 00:37:20,930
Going back to the beginning of the episode, the wake-up call at three forty five.

852
00:37:22,100 --> 00:37:26,000
That's my subconscious waking me up saying motherfucker.

853
00:37:26,060 --> 00:37:26,630
Some to go.

854
00:37:26,720 --> 00:37:30,560
Yeah, like this is, this is our action time where I'm giving you.

855
00:37:31,460 --> 00:37:36,170
If you do not take this opportunity and you do not feed this energy, I will destroy you.

856
00:37:36,980 --> 00:37:38,930
Little by little with paper cuts.

857
00:37:39,140 --> 00:37:41,120
It's not a big cut off your arm thing.

858
00:37:41,870 --> 00:37:43,130
It's a slow.

859
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:45,230
Depressive.

860
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:47,210
Content.

861
00:37:47,990 --> 00:37:49,790
Just bad place to be in.

862
00:37:50,570 --> 00:37:51,440
And we've all been there.

863
00:37:52,070 --> 00:37:53,570
And to get out of it.

864
00:37:54,530 --> 00:37:55,340
Is going back.

865
00:37:55,520 --> 00:38:00,110
It's starting back up the workout of the mind, going back to the whisper.

866
00:38:01,940 --> 00:38:06,500
The hardest part is when almost that whisper doesn't even you don't, you.

867
00:38:06,530 --> 00:38:08,090
You can't even hear it anymore.

868
00:38:08,630 --> 00:38:09,560
You stop hearing music.

869
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:11,570
And it's.

870
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:17,180
What do I need to do to get back there? And they're not really settled to get back there.

871
00:38:17,690 --> 00:38:24,500
What do I need to do to go forward? That's a lot of trip up to is, well, I'm going to get back to my routine.

872
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,060
Well fucker.

873
00:38:26,090 --> 00:38:27,410
It didn't work for you before.

874
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,570
That's not your routine, your whole life.

875
00:38:30,050 --> 00:38:33,320
This whole thing is to be in a constant state of evolution.

876
00:38:33,410 --> 00:38:33,680
Yeah.

877
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:38,750
Not to be stuck into a routine or a habit it's to change your perspective.

878
00:38:38,750 --> 00:38:40,100
It's to be pulling you.

879
00:38:41,150 --> 00:38:44,480
In a direction that's resonating with everybody else around you too, as well.

880
00:38:45,830 --> 00:38:46,400
The Franco.

881
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:50,570
That any time I could change my trajectory in this moment.

882
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:52,280
Negative or positive.

883
00:38:52,580 --> 00:38:54,500
I hold that power, not the world.

884
00:38:54,890 --> 00:38:56,210
And it's very.

885
00:38:57,590 --> 00:38:58,400
Easy to say.

886
00:39:00,170 --> 00:39:01,730
It takes a strong person.

887
00:39:02,450 --> 00:39:03,500
To throw their hat in the ring.

888
00:39:03,980 --> 00:39:05,810
To say, okay, enough is enough.

889
00:39:06,260 --> 00:39:06,800
And.

890
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:09,080
Because it becomes.

891
00:39:10,190 --> 00:39:11,270
Mental suicide.

892
00:39:11,780 --> 00:39:15,050
It's your Benjamin Benjamin Franklin, I think said.

893
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:17,300
Most people die at the age of 25.

894
00:39:17,630 --> 00:39:19,880
But physically at the age of 75.

895
00:39:20,030 --> 00:39:21,590
I've buried and there you go.

896
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:22,070
Yeah.

897
00:39:22,100 --> 00:39:22,400
Yeah.

898
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:23,450
And it's so true.

899
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:24,230
I mean, you start.

900
00:39:25,130 --> 00:39:27,230
And you have to take this experience.

901
00:39:28,220 --> 00:39:31,310
Not only lessons wise, but you just got to live it, man.

902
00:39:31,430 --> 00:39:32,150
Like that's.

903
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:33,650
And that, and it.

904
00:39:34,550 --> 00:39:38,510
It's so easy in, we have, I got 13 years on you.

905
00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:39,770
And it's.

906
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:48,380
I don't say that in like a I'm up here kind of w but it's, that's a lot of extra life experience too, that takes in to it to the end.

907
00:39:48,380 --> 00:39:48,500
It.

908
00:39:49,970 --> 00:39:50,570
It's funny too.

909
00:39:50,570 --> 00:39:55,070
Cause you always, these damn old people are always telling me this and telling me, and then you start getting older.

910
00:39:55,790 --> 00:39:56,570
And you're like, shit, man.

911
00:39:56,570 --> 00:39:59,390
They're just trying to share their knowledge and just trying to help you exactly.

912
00:39:59,420 --> 00:40:00,830
As they wished they would have realized.

913
00:40:01,010 --> 00:40:02,630
I've done, you know? Yeah.

914
00:40:02,660 --> 00:40:02,900
I don't.

915
00:40:02,930 --> 00:40:03,740
I definitely don't take it.

916
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,710
But it's just, it's crazy.

917
00:40:06,710 --> 00:40:11,870
Cause you start getting older and that's exactly what you want to do because you're learning these lessons and.

918
00:40:12,980 --> 00:40:13,400
You're in shock.

919
00:40:13,700 --> 00:40:14,990
You want to ensure that.

920
00:40:15,710 --> 00:40:18,560
Especially the ones you love don't have these same trip-ups.

921
00:40:19,850 --> 00:40:22,550
But it's also, I can't be forcing.

922
00:40:23,450 --> 00:40:24,890
My lessons on to them.

923
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:25,580
That's not fair.

924
00:40:26,060 --> 00:40:26,630
It's.

925
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:28,580
The guide factor.

926
00:40:28,820 --> 00:40:30,020
I need to be the guide.

927
00:40:30,380 --> 00:40:32,420
You need to know that not only.

928
00:40:35,060 --> 00:40:39,050
I'm just doing this to enhance your experience, to ensure that.

929
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:49,190
This thing that you were born with? Continues to resonate for the rest of your life, that it doesn't get dirt thrown onto it because it's so easy to have dirt thrown onto it.

930
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:50,630
To a point.

931
00:40:51,590 --> 00:40:54,170
Where it's like, fuck, I can't even dig this seat out anymore.

932
00:40:54,230 --> 00:40:55,190
It's never going to sprout.

933
00:40:55,550 --> 00:40:55,820
Yeah.

934
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:57,170
It's it's, it's gone.

935
00:40:58,220 --> 00:40:59,030
Well, I wonder.

936
00:41:00,860 --> 00:41:02,330
You know how much of that.

937
00:41:02,330 --> 00:41:04,370
Uh, noise.

938
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:07,070
And I would say it's probably a lot.

939
00:41:08,540 --> 00:41:12,080
Is well-intentioned advice from loved ones throughout your life.

940
00:41:12,110 --> 00:41:14,420
Like, oh, you should look into this career or.

941
00:41:15,110 --> 00:41:15,920
You should do this.

942
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,230
You're always being told like what you should do.

943
00:41:18,260 --> 00:41:19,280
Shouldn't do.

944
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:22,250
Societaly what makes sense.

945
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:33,680
And so I feel like a lot of people love seeing people that defy those norms, such as someone who doesn't have a house, maybe they just live out of a van and they.

946
00:41:34,220 --> 00:41:35,150
They still work.

947
00:41:35,150 --> 00:41:35,300
Right.

948
00:41:35,300 --> 00:41:35,960
They still have a job.

949
00:41:35,990 --> 00:41:38,990
Maybe they work remotely or they like, we know someone that.

950
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:40,760
They.

951
00:41:41,780 --> 00:41:42,770
Have a remote job.

952
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:45,740
But they don't even have like an apartment.

953
00:41:45,740 --> 00:41:50,000
They rent, they just stay, they like go to different places and we'll stay on like short-term rentals.

954
00:41:50,630 --> 00:41:53,030
And just like travel the us and work remotely.

955
00:41:53,150 --> 00:41:54,230
Like they don't have a family.

956
00:41:54,530 --> 00:41:56,150
But they've prioritized.

957
00:41:57,440 --> 00:42:01,130
Experiencing a lot of things across the us and, and even the world.

958
00:42:01,190 --> 00:42:02,480
They've traveled all over the world.

959
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:03,440
They're gypsy.

960
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:04,400
Yeah, right? Yeah.

961
00:42:04,700 --> 00:42:05,690
I'm the modern day gypsy.

962
00:42:05,690 --> 00:42:05,930
Right.

963
00:42:05,930 --> 00:42:10,940
But, but my wife and I were talking to, I keep saying they, cause I'm trying to anonymize this as much as possible.

964
00:42:10,940 --> 00:42:11,180
So.

965
00:42:11,900 --> 00:42:16,550
Um, so we were talking about them and, and just kind of in a state of awe.

966
00:42:17,030 --> 00:42:18,320
'cause they're like, oh, it's awesome.

967
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:21,050
Because they, they defied what the societal norms are.

968
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:21,380
Right.

969
00:42:21,890 --> 00:42:23,240
So we look at someone like that.

970
00:42:23,990 --> 00:42:26,150
And we almost think it's like something that we could never do.

971
00:42:26,420 --> 00:42:27,500
And that's just not true.

972
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:31,730
But I think a lot of people get influenced by like well-intentioned.

973
00:42:33,260 --> 00:42:38,330
Advice from their loved ones while well-intentioned, that might not be the right thing for you though.

974
00:42:38,540 --> 00:42:41,330
So what I'm getting at is you were saying like the whisper.

975
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:42,740
That keeps getting suppressed.

976
00:42:43,370 --> 00:42:49,670
In my experience, what I've tried to do lately that has been seemingly working is just getting as quiet as I can.

977
00:42:49,670 --> 00:42:51,980
So like I'll meditate in the sauna for 20 minutes.

978
00:42:52,850 --> 00:42:55,700
Uh, I'll listen to like, So funny.

979
00:42:56,090 --> 00:43:00,200
I'll either listen to like meditation music or like Norse, Viking music.

980
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:01,640
Isn't that insane.

981
00:43:01,730 --> 00:43:04,970
I literally have a playlist that's called Viking war music.

982
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:13,880
It's so funny, but it's like, It almost does something primally where it's like, You get in like a trance state anyway, I won't go too far down, but.

983
00:43:14,990 --> 00:43:18,020
I think some things to take away is like, for me getting quiet.

984
00:43:18,500 --> 00:43:24,950
Listening to the inner inner voice and recognizing you're not those thoughts, but those thoughts can guide you places.

985
00:43:24,980 --> 00:43:25,370
Maybe.

986
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:30,680
Um, I'm just trying to think of things that could be actionable for people to really understand.

987
00:43:31,790 --> 00:43:33,890
Well, I mean, going back to the gypsies.

988
00:43:33,950 --> 00:43:34,280
Yeah.

989
00:43:35,180 --> 00:43:36,710
I have that same inclination.

990
00:43:37,370 --> 00:43:37,940
Homey to me.

991
00:43:38,060 --> 00:43:38,300
Right.

992
00:43:38,390 --> 00:43:38,570
Yeah.

993
00:43:38,660 --> 00:43:41,780
Just being in this house for.

994
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:44,120
Almost coming on a year.

995
00:43:44,750 --> 00:43:45,650
It's like, okay.

996
00:43:45,770 --> 00:43:46,400
It's time to go.

997
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:48,110
We need to go somewhere else.

998
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:53,270
And I don't know what the hell it could be all the times I've moved as a child.

999
00:43:53,300 --> 00:43:53,900
It could be that.

1000
00:43:55,460 --> 00:43:57,290
And I thought it was.

1001
00:43:58,070 --> 00:43:58,910
But now.

1002
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:01,880
I just know that.

1003
00:44:04,100 --> 00:44:05,240
I disliked change.

1004
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:08,000
Yeah, and I like building and I like creating.

1005
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:12,650
So I like changing to a point where I'm forcing the change I'm choice.

1006
00:44:12,770 --> 00:44:14,720
I'm forcing the environmental change.

1007
00:44:16,700 --> 00:44:22,130
Especially, I mean, in real estate too, as well, you have to have that adaptability skill within it.

1008
00:44:22,250 --> 00:44:22,520
Yeah.

1009
00:44:22,970 --> 00:44:25,730
But also just within life to where.

1010
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:29,840
Jumping out of the first responder role, it was.

1011
00:44:31,130 --> 00:44:34,220
Walls that were suffocating me not growing me.

1012
00:44:34,970 --> 00:44:35,990
And that was just mine.

1013
00:44:36,290 --> 00:44:37,610
My trip, my trip on it.

1014
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:43,790
Because all I wanted to do was fit inside that box until I realized.

1015
00:44:44,540 --> 00:44:45,500
I don't want to box.

1016
00:44:46,190 --> 00:44:48,410
I never wanted a box that was poor.

1017
00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:49,460
That was part of.

1018
00:44:50,810 --> 00:44:52,670
The broken child.

1019
00:44:53,060 --> 00:44:55,100
That was looking for validation.

1020
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:56,600
Searching for the Euro.

1021
00:44:57,410 --> 00:44:57,920
Where it was.

1022
00:44:57,920 --> 00:44:58,250
Okay.

1023
00:44:58,310 --> 00:44:59,180
No, bro.

1024
00:44:59,450 --> 00:45:00,530
You were the hero.

1025
00:45:00,980 --> 00:45:02,690
You need to go and create the hero.

1026
00:45:04,580 --> 00:45:05,060
And.

1027
00:45:06,950 --> 00:45:11,600
I think it's natural to like, I cannot see living in a home.

1028
00:45:12,230 --> 00:45:15,170
For 20 to 25 years, that's fucking maddening to me.

1029
00:45:15,260 --> 00:45:15,620
Yeah.

1030
00:45:15,830 --> 00:45:17,000
Like that's just wild.

1031
00:45:17,660 --> 00:45:19,700
Two to three years, I'm ready for change.

1032
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:23,270
And I'm cause it brings new blood and new life into it.

1033
00:45:23,540 --> 00:45:24,050
Energy.

1034
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:24,500
Yeah.

1035
00:45:24,950 --> 00:45:25,820
And it's that.

1036
00:45:25,820 --> 00:45:26,150
Okay.

1037
00:45:26,150 --> 00:45:26,720
Cool.

1038
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:27,410
We're.

1039
00:45:28,550 --> 00:45:33,080
We're going forward, but each step in those environments should be a progressive step.

1040
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:34,730
It shouldn't be going backwards.

1041
00:45:34,910 --> 00:45:36,770
Yeah, it should be going forward with it.

1042
00:45:36,890 --> 00:45:37,220
Yeah.

1043
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:38,300
And it does.

1044
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:41,540
And I don't mean like get a bigger houses, bigger house, a bigger house.

1045
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:42,620
I just mean.

1046
00:45:44,090 --> 00:45:44,780
Right now.

1047
00:45:44,780 --> 00:45:45,530
It's okay.

1048
00:45:45,710 --> 00:45:46,190
Cool.

1049
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:50,720
This is actually everything we've ever wanted to do at the same hand.

1050
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:52,430
But it's.

1051
00:45:53,510 --> 00:45:57,320
It's the entrepreneur entrepreneurial voice too is it's never good enough.

1052
00:45:57,560 --> 00:45:59,060
So it's we need to go get.

1053
00:45:59,690 --> 00:46:00,230
More.

1054
00:46:01,190 --> 00:46:03,020
Not external.

1055
00:46:03,620 --> 00:46:05,540
We need to go get more of the experience.

1056
00:46:06,110 --> 00:46:09,530
And showing that showing my children.

1057
00:46:10,700 --> 00:46:11,090
That.

1058
00:46:12,650 --> 00:46:14,540
Anything is possible by not putting.

1059
00:46:15,410 --> 00:46:16,520
Barriers on.

1060
00:46:17,270 --> 00:46:18,890
Just your current situation.

1061
00:46:18,980 --> 00:46:20,690
And I think polling.

1062
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:23,240
Fucking going around in circles.

1063
00:46:23,540 --> 00:46:24,320
But pulling that.

1064
00:46:25,490 --> 00:46:26,120
Idea.

1065
00:46:27,290 --> 00:46:28,310
Of okay, cool.

1066
00:46:28,310 --> 00:46:34,070
I can't control the external, but I could also create a pivot point too, as well.

1067
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:34,910
I could.

1068
00:46:35,870 --> 00:46:39,530
Insert that action trajectory to take us to somewhere else.

1069
00:46:40,790 --> 00:46:42,110
The only thing that's stopping me.

1070
00:46:42,740 --> 00:46:47,600
Are these false thoughts? So, how do we get rid of those false thoughts? We put them in action.

1071
00:46:48,110 --> 00:46:49,580
We take care of the situation.

1072
00:46:50,450 --> 00:46:52,610
But we let the situation take care of itself too.

1073
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:53,450
It's kind of a.

1074
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:56,090
It's an odd way of looking at it.

1075
00:46:57,020 --> 00:46:57,410
But yeah.

1076
00:46:57,650 --> 00:46:59,270
Because it takes the control factor away.

1077
00:46:59,270 --> 00:47:05,000
It's like, okay, well, I could only do what I do.

1078
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:07,610
But there's always more to do.

1079
00:47:08,660 --> 00:47:15,590
And to me, it's, it's looked at as like, there's like, fucking, there's something wrong with you.

1080
00:47:15,590 --> 00:47:16,520
And there probably is.

1081
00:47:17,030 --> 00:47:18,110
But that's wrong with everybody.

1082
00:47:18,230 --> 00:47:18,800
That's okay.

1083
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:20,030
Yeah, like I'm comfortable with that.

1084
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:20,330
Right.

1085
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:22,790
I don't hide anymore.

1086
00:47:22,940 --> 00:47:23,450
I don't.

1087
00:47:23,510 --> 00:47:23,750
Yeah.

1088
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:25,970
I prefer to be the open book.

1089
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:27,380
If that's what gets.

1090
00:47:28,130 --> 00:47:31,310
Others around me to start opening up to their own experience.

1091
00:47:31,430 --> 00:47:31,730
Yeah.

1092
00:47:32,030 --> 00:47:32,210
Yeah.

1093
00:47:32,210 --> 00:47:36,260
I mean, it's just being authentically you and that's the most freeing way to be.

1094
00:47:36,470 --> 00:47:39,800
And I think what you're talking about too, it gets that process.

1095
00:47:40,550 --> 00:47:44,030
There's a lot of external forces at play in my opinion, that.

1096
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:49,700
Can impede that pivot point or that progression that growth.

1097
00:47:50,630 --> 00:47:54,800
And what I'm referring to is like, Again, like the societal.

1098
00:47:55,430 --> 00:47:59,240
Norms or like, Oh, we're at this point in life.

1099
00:47:59,630 --> 00:48:04,250
I know X number of people that are also at this point in life and, and they.

1100
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:05,930
Yeah.

1101
00:48:05,990 --> 00:48:10,280
And they, um, Okay.

1102
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:10,730
Yeah.

1103
00:48:11,390 --> 00:48:14,270
Sorry, I we're, we're communicating back and forth here, but.

1104
00:48:15,170 --> 00:48:24,830
Um, The societal norm factor is like, oh, I'm at this age, I should be doing an XYZ based on all the other people on Instagram.

1105
00:48:24,830 --> 00:48:28,730
I've seen at this stage in life that have a family, they have two houses, three houses.

1106
00:48:28,790 --> 00:48:30,020
You know what, whatever the thing is.

1107
00:48:30,590 --> 00:48:33,980
But the point I'm getting at is like this societal things almost put walls.

1108
00:48:35,090 --> 00:48:38,390
Up to keep you boxed into something that you didn't even realize.

1109
00:48:39,260 --> 00:48:39,950
You.

1110
00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:42,650
Don't want for your own life.

1111
00:48:43,220 --> 00:48:45,350
Because you have silence like that voice.

1112
00:48:46,430 --> 00:48:47,960
And another helpful thing that I.

1113
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:50,600
I got over the last couple of weeks.

1114
00:48:51,110 --> 00:48:55,130
Because I was unsatisfied and unfulfilled in certain areas of my life was.

1115
00:48:56,180 --> 00:49:10,490
This is very trusted person, was like, you're looking at Tim as a noun, right? You are looking at Tim as a fixed thing that you, Tim will get to a certain point in the future that you've completely manufactured.

1116
00:49:10,490 --> 00:49:15,080
And then when you get there, All of a sudden all of your problems are gone and you're happy.

1117
00:49:15,470 --> 00:49:18,500
The problem with that is as soon as you get there, it's gone.

1118
00:49:19,010 --> 00:49:19,340
Right.

1119
00:49:19,340 --> 00:49:20,300
It's a fleeting moment.

1120
00:49:20,300 --> 00:49:21,050
Everything's fleeting.

1121
00:49:21,050 --> 00:49:21,680
Good and bad.

1122
00:49:22,700 --> 00:49:28,220
And so delaying your happiness or whatever until you get to that point is acting in bad faith with yourself.

1123
00:49:29,240 --> 00:49:32,300
What you should be doing is looking at Tim as a verb.

1124
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:33,770
Tim is a process.

1125
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:35,720
Tim's not just a person, he's a process.

1126
00:49:35,720 --> 00:49:38,690
So where Tim was 10 years ago is very different than Tim.

1127
00:49:38,690 --> 00:49:40,100
Now in 10 years from now.

1128
00:49:40,730 --> 00:49:51,890
So if you approach that more as a fluid process, Than you can be more present and enjoy the fact that this process is happening and changes are happening.

1129
00:49:52,430 --> 00:49:54,800
And it's good that you're not who you were yesterday.

1130
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:56,390
Yeah, that just means you're progressing.

1131
00:49:56,930 --> 00:50:02,030
So a couple of small tidbits, we've gone all over the place on this one, but I think it's, I don't know.

1132
00:50:02,030 --> 00:50:03,950
It's a cool exploratory conversation.

1133
00:50:04,430 --> 00:50:04,760
Yeah.

1134
00:50:04,820 --> 00:50:07,190
And it's the absorption.

1135
00:50:08,540 --> 00:50:09,260
Is what I've.

1136
00:50:09,980 --> 00:50:11,240
Focused on lately.

1137
00:50:11,750 --> 00:50:13,070
With my mind.

1138
00:50:14,030 --> 00:50:16,010
Going back to the societal norms.

1139
00:50:18,530 --> 00:50:21,680
And when it goes to just internal dialogue and.

1140
00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:23,930
Cite the psychology of it.

1141
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:32,450
With social media too, in those social norms, it brings problems into your conscious that you never even knew existed before.

1142
00:50:34,160 --> 00:50:38,240
And like how damaging is that? To a person psyche.

1143
00:50:38,570 --> 00:50:38,870
Yeah.

1144
00:50:39,530 --> 00:50:40,490
Let it alone.

1145
00:50:42,620 --> 00:50:45,440
I got my kids into therapy and I got it for this.

1146
00:50:46,220 --> 00:50:48,170
And the reason I did it, it wasn't.

1147
00:50:50,930 --> 00:50:51,890
I mean, everybody has problems.

1148
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:53,870
They don't have problems.

1149
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:56,030
They don't have, they're still live in.

1150
00:50:58,070 --> 00:50:58,190
Yeah.

1151
00:50:58,190 --> 00:50:59,570
I mean, there's still on Neverland.

1152
00:50:59,720 --> 00:51:01,520
They, they don't, they don't really.

1153
00:51:02,030 --> 00:51:04,100
See the world, as I see it.

1154
00:51:04,730 --> 00:51:06,680
Even though the older one is starting to get to that state.

1155
00:51:08,060 --> 00:51:10,190
The per the issue that I had with it was.

1156
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:14,690
And it was almost like they were starting to look for problems.

1157
00:51:15,710 --> 00:51:19,070
And it's like, don't bring that to the attention.

1158
00:51:19,460 --> 00:51:20,780
That it doesn't deserve.

1159
00:51:20,990 --> 00:51:23,420
They don't have any recognition of this.

1160
00:51:23,420 --> 00:51:28,880
Why the fuck are we going to put this on the forefront? Obviously we pull back from it.

1161
00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:30,770
Because I looked at it as.

1162
00:51:31,250 --> 00:51:32,210
What it did for me.

1163
00:51:32,930 --> 00:51:36,260
Especially the CBT route cognitive behavioral therapy is.

1164
00:51:37,670 --> 00:51:40,130
It allowed me this a gross mindset.

1165
00:51:40,610 --> 00:51:43,010
It allowed me to digest it.

1166
00:51:43,670 --> 00:51:44,630
And to go forward.

1167
00:51:45,620 --> 00:51:49,400
The only issue that I had at that time with the therapy.

1168
00:51:50,810 --> 00:51:51,470
Was.

1169
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:56,150
The therapist was saying, don't go back and start unpacking.

1170
00:51:57,080 --> 00:51:59,510
Like there's a reason your brain blocked all of this out.

1171
00:51:59,990 --> 00:52:01,820
Don't start opening up those books again.

1172
00:52:02,060 --> 00:52:05,960
Um, to me, that's where we at R or debacle.

1173
00:52:06,590 --> 00:52:08,300
It was, I mean, she was, she was phenomenal.

1174
00:52:08,630 --> 00:52:09,020
And.

1175
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:14,810
It was, but we went back and forth and it was okay.

1176
00:52:14,810 --> 00:52:18,410
If this is what you feel is best for your journey, then that's what you need to do.

1177
00:52:18,770 --> 00:52:21,080
If you need to go and pack it, then go and pack it.

1178
00:52:22,190 --> 00:52:23,330
But ensure that you don't.

1179
00:52:24,050 --> 00:52:25,670
Just know that there's a danger.

1180
00:52:25,880 --> 00:52:28,520
When you go back that you could get stuck there too as well.

1181
00:52:29,330 --> 00:52:31,760
New Che talks about that too, as well with the abyss.

1182
00:52:31,820 --> 00:52:32,120
Yeah.

1183
00:52:32,390 --> 00:52:33,110
And so.

1184
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:35,000
It's just it's.

1185
00:52:35,720 --> 00:52:36,800
I think it's very hopeful.

1186
00:52:38,210 --> 00:52:39,410
It takes.

1187
00:52:39,950 --> 00:52:41,030
Fuck man.

1188
00:52:41,030 --> 00:52:42,950
It takes years of digesting it though, too.

1189
00:52:42,980 --> 00:52:44,330
It's not like a overnight.

1190
00:52:44,690 --> 00:52:44,990
Okay.

1191
00:52:44,990 --> 00:52:45,320
Cool.

1192
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:46,400
We worked this out.

1193
00:52:47,270 --> 00:52:48,230
Because it's so.

1194
00:52:48,980 --> 00:52:49,520
Easy.

1195
00:52:51,080 --> 00:53:00,080
To go back there and then to have that emotion flood through your body and take in that energy starts to just propagate and it just starts to compound.

1196
00:53:01,910 --> 00:53:04,370
And then your w then you're just in a tailspin.

1197
00:53:04,940 --> 00:53:07,430
And it's, it was like, okay, well, why.

1198
00:53:07,550 --> 00:53:12,830
Why the hell did we do this? When we were starting to feel like we're progressing to me, it's.

1199
00:53:15,020 --> 00:53:15,920
Part of the experience.

1200
00:53:15,950 --> 00:53:17,720
I want to get that full experience.

1201
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:20,870
I want the shit as bad as I want the prosperity.

1202
00:53:21,590 --> 00:53:22,790
Because you have to have both.

1203
00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:25,040
And.

1204
00:53:25,880 --> 00:53:31,070
I think it's super helpful to go back, to look at it, to digest it and then leap forward.

1205
00:53:31,070 --> 00:53:34,370
Cause I think it starts taking the power away from it too, as well.

1206
00:53:34,490 --> 00:53:34,790
Yeah.

1207
00:53:35,030 --> 00:53:37,970
And you realize that some of these things that transpired.

1208
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:43,070
Had fucking, absolutely nothing to do with me, but it's my responsibility.

1209
00:53:43,550 --> 00:53:44,540
To go forward with it.

1210
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:46,670
Super good.

1211
00:53:47,420 --> 00:53:50,150
Point, and it seems like.

1212
00:53:51,170 --> 00:53:52,610
On the, on the therapy route.

1213
00:53:52,670 --> 00:53:52,940
Yeah.

1214
00:53:54,410 --> 00:53:58,910
If you don't go back and at least understand what happened.

1215
00:53:59,390 --> 00:54:00,890
And what that thing.

1216
00:54:01,670 --> 00:54:03,320
Served you at that time.

1217
00:54:04,310 --> 00:54:09,380
How are you to identify it in present day so that it doesn't impede your progress.

1218
00:54:09,650 --> 00:54:11,300
And an example of that would be.

1219
00:54:12,020 --> 00:54:13,610
I think it's common in men.

1220
00:54:15,140 --> 00:54:18,620
Is shame from being a little boy.

1221
00:54:19,190 --> 00:54:20,090
Something happened.

1222
00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:20,330
Right.

1223
00:54:20,330 --> 00:54:22,550
And shame was a response to.

1224
00:54:23,300 --> 00:54:26,840
Uh, your dad spanking you cause you were acting up or something like that.

1225
00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:27,920
You were shamed.

1226
00:54:28,940 --> 00:54:30,650
Into being a certain way.

1227
00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:35,330
Because you were acting up like a little boy is like adventurous, right.

1228
00:54:35,330 --> 00:54:41,900
Wants to go outside and chase the dog with a stick in his hand and go, ah, you know, like for me and my sisters, I was.

1229
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:45,260
Running around the house, chasing them, being a jackass.

1230
00:54:45,290 --> 00:54:45,530
Yeah.

1231
00:54:45,740 --> 00:54:49,610
Yeah, you're a little boy that's adventurous, but then you, that gets suppressed.

1232
00:54:49,610 --> 00:54:53,150
And, um, this is just an example, right? I'm not saying my dad beat the shit out of me.

1233
00:54:53,150 --> 00:54:53,420
Right.

1234
00:54:53,420 --> 00:54:56,150
Of course there's spanking, but that's the time and whatever, right? Yeah.

1235
00:54:56,180 --> 00:55:00,110
Love my parents love my family, but I'm just giving an example because I think this is pretty prevalent.

1236
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:04,010
So in this example, you know, you get spanked that gets suppressed.

1237
00:55:04,430 --> 00:55:06,320
Uh, it'd be a good boy.

1238
00:55:06,350 --> 00:55:09,050
Don't don't go do that stupid shit that you've been doing.

1239
00:55:10,010 --> 00:55:16,520
That then acts like a shame response and the issue with shame, man, I've been doing a lot of work on this and so is my wife and yeah.

1240
00:55:16,760 --> 00:55:17,090
Anyway.

1241
00:55:17,240 --> 00:55:17,480
Good.

1242
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:19,880
The shame thing is the problem with that is.

1243
00:55:20,540 --> 00:55:23,540
Shame is like a, an I am this thing.

1244
00:55:24,350 --> 00:55:25,670
I am a bad kid.

1245
00:55:25,670 --> 00:55:27,020
I am XYZ.

1246
00:55:27,410 --> 00:55:29,480
Guilt is I did something wrong.

1247
00:55:29,630 --> 00:55:31,490
And so it's easier to detach from the guilt.

1248
00:55:31,490 --> 00:55:32,120
The shame though.

1249
00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:33,920
And I had tons of men, I think have this.

1250
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:35,240
And that's what therapy is pretty important.

1251
00:55:35,240 --> 00:55:35,720
I think for men.

1252
00:55:36,830 --> 00:55:42,170
That shame in the past, then in my twenties, late teens, I think.

1253
00:55:43,670 --> 00:55:47,600
When that would come up, my choice would be to drink, have fun party.

1254
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:52,250
Suppress any of that instead of even going back to think about it and deal with it.

1255
00:55:52,250 --> 00:55:55,730
And this isn't something that I really identified until the last six months a year.

1256
00:55:55,790 --> 00:55:57,470
I'm 31 took me that long.

1257
00:55:57,830 --> 00:56:00,530
Take your kid took a long fucking time and having a kit.

1258
00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:05,870
Yeah, because I wanted to unfuck myself so that I didn't pass these things on to him in a prison.

1259
00:56:05,930 --> 00:56:07,370
So to your point, though, we were getting at.

1260
00:56:07,700 --> 00:56:14,030
If you don't take the intentional effort to go back to understand what some of those things were in your life.

1261
00:56:14,030 --> 00:56:16,190
And it takes a lot of work and it's uncomfortable.

1262
00:56:16,970 --> 00:56:22,310
Then you will blindly be pushed in certain directions.

1263
00:56:23,180 --> 00:56:29,900
That are not serving to you based on those former, you know, neuro-pathways emotions that are trapped, whatever they are.

1264
00:56:30,350 --> 00:56:33,260
So I think it's super important to go back.

1265
00:56:33,260 --> 00:56:35,480
And I think last thing I'll say on this.

1266
00:56:35,690 --> 00:56:39,500
With with your girls is like, Because you even said it.

1267
00:56:40,820 --> 00:56:45,740
You're like, well, nothing's wrong with them? So that's, what's kinda crazy is historically.

1268
00:56:46,070 --> 00:56:49,850
You know, picture like the world war II type, the greatest generation type.

1269
00:56:49,970 --> 00:56:50,210
Yeah.

1270
00:56:50,390 --> 00:56:52,550
Those dudes came home from fucking war.

1271
00:56:52,940 --> 00:56:54,140
It say with like Vietnam vets.

1272
00:56:54,710 --> 00:56:56,330
They didn't see therapist, right.

1273
00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:57,950
There was such a stigma about it.

1274
00:56:57,950 --> 00:57:01,070
Like, oh, you're going to see a shrink, like, oh, what's wrong with you? You.

1275
00:57:02,600 --> 00:57:10,010
It's so unfortunate because you wouldn't buy a car and then never go get the fucking wheel changed or get the tires rotated.

1276
00:57:10,340 --> 00:57:12,890
Right, because it's going to collapse and burn, right.

1277
00:57:13,460 --> 00:57:18,170
So I look at, I look at it as like, okay, this is me doing like a tune-up right.

1278
00:57:18,410 --> 00:57:19,010
For myself.

1279
00:57:19,070 --> 00:57:19,100
Yeah.

1280
00:57:19,250 --> 00:57:20,540
My mental health.

1281
00:57:20,960 --> 00:57:23,150
There there's something wrong with everyone.

1282
00:57:23,270 --> 00:57:26,930
And if you are out there and you think there's nothing wrong with you, you're fucking lying.

1283
00:57:26,990 --> 00:57:27,230
Yes.

1284
00:57:27,350 --> 00:57:28,010
Right because.

1285
00:57:28,700 --> 00:57:33,320
Just by you thinking that there is something wrong with you, right? Because we're all processes as people.

1286
00:57:34,010 --> 00:57:36,230
So I think the point I'm trying to get at is.

1287
00:57:37,010 --> 00:57:44,000
I believe that we are now at a point in time where people are recognizing that, Hey, we're all a bit fucked up.

1288
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:45,530
And we all kind of need.

1289
00:57:45,770 --> 00:57:46,790
Some outside help.

1290
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:53,810
And so I think that's a very good thing because it will ultimately hopefully take us to a better place as people.

1291
00:57:54,230 --> 00:57:55,700
One of absolutely.

1292
00:57:55,820 --> 00:57:57,230
And if you're not unpacking.

1293
00:57:58,700 --> 00:58:01,070
How the hell can you identify your triggers? Yeah.

1294
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:04,100
Exactly because your triggers are, they've been harbored.

1295
00:58:04,580 --> 00:58:09,140
Those are emotions that have just sat there that you haven't identified that have taken up.

1296
00:58:10,490 --> 00:58:16,580
Not only your psyche, but it's physically taken up your body to, yes, it's put that weight.

1297
00:58:16,610 --> 00:58:17,300
Like people.

1298
00:58:17,630 --> 00:58:19,310
You could feel that weight.

1299
00:58:19,640 --> 00:58:20,750
When that trigger hits.

1300
00:58:20,900 --> 00:58:21,320
Oh yeah.

1301
00:58:21,500 --> 00:58:22,520
It flows through you.

1302
00:58:24,710 --> 00:58:25,610
it's in your genes.

1303
00:58:25,610 --> 00:58:25,940
You can.

1304
00:58:26,780 --> 00:58:27,320
And.

1305
00:58:28,910 --> 00:58:32,600
To get to a, like, I love studying epigenetics.

1306
00:58:32,780 --> 00:58:33,080
Yeah.

1307
00:58:33,080 --> 00:58:34,700
Because it means not everything.

1308
00:58:35,240 --> 00:58:36,500
Is black and white.

1309
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:40,730
We have the power to change that trajectory of that gene.

1310
00:58:41,990 --> 00:58:42,980
Once I heard that.

1311
00:58:43,910 --> 00:58:46,460
It was just, it was the light bulb moment.

1312
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:48,200
Where it's like, okay, cool.

1313
00:58:48,350 --> 00:58:49,070
Like I could.

1314
00:58:49,460 --> 00:58:51,470
I get to dictate how this goes.

1315
00:58:52,220 --> 00:58:53,360
And with the girls.

1316
00:58:54,020 --> 00:58:55,640
Because they were asking about.

1317
00:58:56,570 --> 00:58:59,360
Why aren't we going back? And it was having to explain to them that.

1318
00:59:00,170 --> 00:59:03,230
My idea of therapy is to optimize.

1319
00:59:03,590 --> 00:59:06,500
Your current situation, especially in your state.

1320
00:59:06,770 --> 00:59:07,970
You have minimal.

1321
00:59:08,750 --> 00:59:09,410
Well, they've still.

1322
00:59:11,180 --> 00:59:11,570
I mean.

1323
00:59:12,980 --> 00:59:13,940
They've had trauma.

1324
00:59:14,660 --> 00:59:15,620
And they're very young.

1325
00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:17,420
But it's also.

1326
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:26,180
They're so goddamn resilient at that state too is why the hell am I going to bring that trauma? Into that situation when it's not even.

1327
00:59:27,260 --> 00:59:28,070
On their wavelength.

1328
00:59:28,370 --> 00:59:29,660
It shouldn't have to have it.

1329
00:59:29,660 --> 00:59:31,430
Shouldn't have to have that conversation.

1330
00:59:32,900 --> 00:59:34,610
And they were asking about it too as well.

1331
00:59:34,730 --> 00:59:36,200
Like, did you go to therapy? I was like, yeah.

1332
00:59:36,260 --> 00:59:36,530
Hell yeah.

1333
00:59:36,860 --> 00:59:37,520
I had to.

1334
00:59:38,060 --> 00:59:38,840
I had to do it for me.

1335
00:59:38,840 --> 00:59:42,080
This was even way before you guys, because it was tearing.

1336
00:59:42,830 --> 00:59:46,790
Your mom and I apart, I had so much hate inside of me and pain.

1337
00:59:47,810 --> 00:59:49,640
That I had to find a way to.

1338
00:59:51,050 --> 00:59:52,940
Not get rid of it, but turn it into.

1339
00:59:54,320 --> 00:59:55,250
Positive action.

1340
00:59:55,580 --> 00:59:57,830
Some sense of, cause that negative energy is.

1341
00:59:59,900 --> 01:00:04,160
It's very talked about and it's truthful is it's very powerful.

1342
01:00:04,340 --> 01:00:05,420
If it's converted.

1343
01:00:06,230 --> 01:00:09,410
Into a trajectory that's actionable.

1344
01:00:10,220 --> 01:00:13,700
It could also very rapidly destroy you too, at the same sense.

1345
01:00:14,990 --> 01:00:17,480
And it was having the conversation with them.

1346
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:19,370
And it was a difficult one.

1347
01:00:19,370 --> 01:00:24,470
It was one that I didn't know if I should put on the radar, but I felt it was essential because.

1348
01:00:26,930 --> 01:00:27,680
The ones going.

1349
01:00:28,160 --> 01:00:29,120
She's slowly.

1350
01:00:30,590 --> 01:00:33,050
Within the next two to three years, she's going to be young lady.

1351
01:00:33,770 --> 01:00:35,300
And so she needs to start.

1352
01:00:35,930 --> 01:00:37,010
Knowing dad's story.

1353
01:00:37,220 --> 01:00:38,240
I can't hide anymore.

1354
01:00:38,630 --> 01:00:39,200
I can't.

1355
01:00:39,830 --> 01:00:41,390
Because then if I hide that.

1356
01:00:41,960 --> 01:00:43,490
And I started telling these stories.

1357
01:00:44,450 --> 01:00:52,490
They're going to look at me like, well, who the fuck is he? Why is he hiding this from us? What's the world hiding from this? So I had to have that conversation is.

1358
01:00:55,550 --> 01:01:00,590
That there is a strong history of mental illness within our family.

1359
01:01:00,980 --> 01:01:01,430
Bloodline.

1360
01:01:02,330 --> 01:01:09,320
That doesn't mean that we get to fall shelter to it and label it and say, well, this is our destruction because of this throw up your hands.

1361
01:01:09,410 --> 01:01:09,980
Exactly.

1362
01:01:10,490 --> 01:01:12,110
And I said, and that's what previous.

1363
01:01:12,650 --> 01:01:13,760
Generations.

1364
01:01:15,440 --> 01:01:19,190
I feel did not address the issue that it was, but.

1365
01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:20,750
I mean.

1366
01:01:21,740 --> 01:01:23,630
World war II shellshocked.

1367
01:01:23,930 --> 01:01:28,220
Um, Asylum my own brother was committed.

1368
01:01:28,250 --> 01:01:29,450
I had to commit them twice.

1369
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:30,230
I mean, there was.

1370
01:01:30,590 --> 01:01:34,280
Yeah, there's been serious present day stuff too, as well.

1371
01:01:35,750 --> 01:01:36,380
And.

1372
01:01:37,250 --> 01:01:37,730
It's.

1373
01:01:38,810 --> 01:01:41,990
Being able to tell them that from a place of.

1374
01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:45,200
When it came down to is.

1375
01:01:46,640 --> 01:01:49,340
You could do whatever you want to try to help the individual.

1376
01:01:50,030 --> 01:01:56,030
But unless that individual is truly willing to change for themselves, nothing's going to happen.

1377
01:01:56,570 --> 01:01:57,080
With this.

1378
01:01:58,250 --> 01:01:59,750
It doesn't mean that you need to give up on them.

1379
01:02:00,860 --> 01:02:02,750
But you also have to.

1380
01:02:03,200 --> 01:02:04,550
And that's what I told them is.

1381
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:10,430
I've started to take your energy because you felt that you needed to come and help me.

1382
01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:11,480
And that's not right.

1383
01:02:11,810 --> 01:02:13,460
That's not how it should be dictated.

1384
01:02:13,490 --> 01:02:14,120
You're not.

1385
01:02:14,990 --> 01:02:16,610
You gave me awareness of my scars.

1386
01:02:16,640 --> 01:02:17,810
It's my job to heal them.

1387
01:02:18,440 --> 01:02:19,130
That's not your job.

1388
01:02:19,790 --> 01:02:20,390
And.

1389
01:02:21,140 --> 01:02:22,070
To let them.

1390
01:02:23,630 --> 01:02:25,130
No that okay.

1391
01:02:25,130 --> 01:02:26,630
Where we're going with this.

1392
01:02:29,480 --> 01:02:30,920
It's not a matter of being okay.

1393
01:02:31,160 --> 01:02:33,500
Or being right or wrong.

1394
01:02:33,530 --> 01:02:35,510
It's just, it's a matter of being.

1395
01:02:37,160 --> 01:02:37,610
Human.

1396
01:02:38,270 --> 01:02:41,510
And knowing that, okay, this is part of.

1397
01:02:42,650 --> 01:02:48,170
What happens within this experience, but it's not, nothing is absolute.

1398
01:02:48,650 --> 01:02:49,520
Aside from death.

1399
01:02:50,090 --> 01:02:50,870
We've read.

1400
01:02:50,960 --> 01:02:52,760
I think we've said that a few times and.

1401
01:02:53,750 --> 01:02:54,140
It was.

1402
01:02:54,860 --> 01:02:57,140
And it's and people are like, holy shit.

1403
01:02:57,140 --> 01:02:59,690
You're saying that to like a 10 and an eight year old, but.

1404
01:03:00,980 --> 01:03:02,120
Why not now.

1405
01:03:02,840 --> 01:03:11,060
Until they get to 25 30 and then death is a fearful topic, right? Why should death be a fearful topic? It's a part of the experience.

1406
01:03:11,930 --> 01:03:12,890
Your whole.

1407
01:03:13,940 --> 01:03:14,540
Job.

1408
01:03:15,380 --> 01:03:21,320
Is to contribute in a way where this physical body could leave in your essence still carries on.

1409
01:03:21,770 --> 01:03:23,690
It's transpired to the next generation.

1410
01:03:25,130 --> 01:03:26,630
And it becomes with.

1411
01:03:27,920 --> 01:03:29,900
With it, it comes.

1412
01:03:31,040 --> 01:03:34,340
Um, w what I found with it too, is there's a dude.

1413
01:03:34,340 --> 01:03:35,720
It takes on such a great.

1414
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:37,430
Like sense of accountability.

1415
01:03:38,660 --> 01:03:39,560
Where you become.

1416
01:03:40,430 --> 01:03:41,570
Cognizant of.

1417
01:03:42,050 --> 01:03:43,370
Like my life is mine.

1418
01:03:44,210 --> 01:03:45,200
It belongs to me.

1419
01:03:46,520 --> 01:03:46,880
It's.

1420
01:03:47,630 --> 01:03:51,470
It's a cool thing and it's very, and it's, it's something that you always.

1421
01:03:52,970 --> 01:03:54,200
Have to find too.

1422
01:03:54,380 --> 01:03:56,210
It's not just an arrival state.

1423
01:03:56,360 --> 01:03:56,630
Yeah.

1424
01:03:56,690 --> 01:03:57,740
Where it's like, oh, okay, cool.

1425
01:03:57,740 --> 01:03:59,180
I'm I'm the authentic self, like.

1426
01:03:59,240 --> 01:04:00,350
This is, this is Brandon.

1427
01:04:00,380 --> 01:04:01,130
This is who he is.

1428
01:04:01,130 --> 01:04:02,330
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1429
01:04:02,990 --> 01:04:03,320
Yeah.

1430
01:04:03,410 --> 01:04:07,400
But it's, it's very, uh, it's, it's humbling too.

1431
01:04:08,030 --> 01:04:08,630
And it's.

1432
01:04:09,650 --> 01:04:12,290
It's my God, it just, it takes so much power.

1433
01:04:12,710 --> 01:04:14,480
Of all that bullshit away.

1434
01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:16,250
It starts rewriting those tapes.

1435
01:04:16,850 --> 01:04:21,200
Almost in a sense where you throw out the tapes and you rerecord a brand new tape.

1436
01:04:22,220 --> 01:04:25,640
And you've had that impact with your kid, which is.

1437
01:04:27,020 --> 01:04:28,160
Fucking phenomenal.

1438
01:04:28,490 --> 01:04:31,520
And I feel a lot of parents just don't get it.

1439
01:04:32,090 --> 01:04:33,980
They don't get that same impact where.

1440
01:04:35,720 --> 01:04:36,320
Like dude.

1441
01:04:36,980 --> 01:04:38,090
I got a lot of work to do.

1442
01:04:38,600 --> 01:04:39,650
And I have to get started.

1443
01:04:39,800 --> 01:04:42,440
Yeah, and I have to go because this person.

1444
01:04:43,850 --> 01:04:44,720
Is relying on me.

1445
01:04:45,770 --> 01:04:47,180
And who the hell am I to.

1446
01:04:48,620 --> 01:04:51,350
Say this stuff and not follow my own course too, as well.

1447
01:04:51,470 --> 01:04:51,710
Yeah.

1448
01:04:52,190 --> 01:04:52,400
Yeah.

1449
01:04:53,720 --> 01:04:55,940
Part of your duty as a parent.

1450
01:04:55,940 --> 01:05:00,200
And I think I deep down knew that leading up to him being born.

1451
01:05:00,740 --> 01:05:08,570
And that's why before he was born, I was like going on benders, you know, I was like, At buddy's weddings getting super drunk.

1452
01:05:08,600 --> 01:05:12,440
Like my one friend who is, he had a destination wedding in Mexico.

1453
01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:13,820
I was drunk that whole week.

1454
01:05:13,820 --> 01:05:14,240
And just.

1455
01:05:15,020 --> 01:05:24,140
Just, you know, It was me running from the discomfort of the fact that I know that very, very soon, I'm going to have to own my shit.

1456
01:05:24,800 --> 01:05:27,560
I'm going to have to work like hell to.

1457
01:05:28,400 --> 01:05:30,140
Understand my shed.

1458
01:05:30,860 --> 01:05:32,720
And worked through it.

1459
01:05:32,720 --> 01:05:36,050
If not, if not for me, for him, right? Yes.

1460
01:05:36,140 --> 01:05:38,930
Like, if you're not going to do for yourself, do it for the people you love.

1461
01:05:39,080 --> 01:05:39,500
Exactly.

1462
01:05:39,710 --> 01:05:40,130
Right.

1463
01:05:40,130 --> 01:05:43,610
So it was super, it was uncomfortable leading up to it.

1464
01:05:43,610 --> 01:05:44,930
So, but I'm so glad I did.

1465
01:05:44,930 --> 01:05:45,080
Right.

1466
01:05:45,080 --> 01:05:45,920
I'm so glad that I'm.

1467
01:05:46,610 --> 01:05:47,090
On the path.

1468
01:05:47,090 --> 01:05:48,620
I am certainly not linear, but.

1469
01:05:49,430 --> 01:05:50,690
Progress not perfection.

1470
01:05:50,810 --> 01:05:52,550
Yeah, I wanted to say one last thing.

1471
01:05:54,020 --> 01:05:57,110
And then I think I got to use the bathroom because I've been chugging coffee.

1472
01:05:58,640 --> 01:06:02,000
Uh, I man, I love Alan Watts.

1473
01:06:02,600 --> 01:06:07,370
Anyone, anyone listening? Just YouTube, Alan Watson, British philosopher.

1474
01:06:07,370 --> 01:06:08,690
I don't remember when he died.

1475
01:06:08,690 --> 01:06:10,490
I learned some interesting facts about him anyway.

1476
01:06:11,060 --> 01:06:13,250
Um, He talks about how.

1477
01:06:15,710 --> 01:06:18,200
And I'm gonna butcher this, but he talks about if you were to.

1478
01:06:20,840 --> 01:06:22,520
To go to sleep and dream.

1479
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:25,010
And have complete control over your dream.

1480
01:06:25,010 --> 01:06:26,480
And he's talking basically about your life.

1481
01:06:26,510 --> 01:06:30,380
If you could design your life, you would have the most lavish dream.

1482
01:06:30,830 --> 01:06:36,290
You know, a palace, everything you could imagine, cars, whatever you want to eat the most perfect life.

1483
01:06:36,320 --> 01:06:36,620
Right.

1484
01:06:36,890 --> 01:06:39,890
You'd wake up and you'd be like, wow, that was quite, quite the dream.

1485
01:06:39,920 --> 01:06:40,280
Right.

1486
01:06:40,700 --> 01:06:42,980
And he's like, you, you know, you might do that again.

1487
01:06:43,340 --> 01:06:45,890
And again, and he's like, but then that becomes predictable.

1488
01:06:46,130 --> 01:06:47,510
Like you, you.

1489
01:06:49,070 --> 01:06:51,080
You have those dreams and that's how you want your life to be.

1490
01:06:51,080 --> 01:06:52,130
And then it becomes predictable.

1491
01:06:52,460 --> 01:07:04,430
Well, then after a while it would eventually be like, well, I'm tonight when I dream, I'm going to not know what's going to ever happen and just go down this path and experience, whatever things get thrown my way, almost like it's a game, something like that.

1492
01:07:05,060 --> 01:07:06,170
And he talks about.

1493
01:07:07,010 --> 01:07:09,290
Well, that's how your life actually is.

1494
01:07:09,440 --> 01:07:13,640
Right? So, if you were able to like, Design and pic and.

1495
01:07:14,570 --> 01:07:16,250
Have everything go your way.

1496
01:07:16,880 --> 01:07:19,280
Essentially, they'd get very, very repetitive and boring.

1497
01:07:19,520 --> 01:07:19,850
For sure.

1498
01:07:20,000 --> 01:07:28,490
And that's not really an experience worth having, you know, so I think the point that he was thinking, he was like, well, your actual life is the, is the ladder that I just described.

1499
01:07:28,760 --> 01:07:33,800
Your actual life is like, you don't get to pick a lot of these things, but it's basically like all these things come your way.

1500
01:07:33,800 --> 01:07:38,000
And it's an experience of how you respond and deal with them and learn along the way.

1501
01:07:38,090 --> 01:07:38,600
And that's.

1502
01:07:39,140 --> 01:07:41,360
When you take a second to zoom out.

1503
01:07:42,020 --> 01:07:43,070
And think about that.

1504
01:07:43,880 --> 01:07:44,960
It is pretty cool.

1505
01:07:45,500 --> 01:07:48,500
It really is because it is an experience that's there for you.

1506
01:07:48,800 --> 01:07:49,160
For sure.

1507
01:07:51,200 --> 01:07:51,650
Good to go.

1508
01:07:52,190 --> 01:07:52,370
Yep.

1509
01:07:55,709.9791667 --> 01:07:58,235.7363095
Hey friends, this concludes our episode.

1510
01:07:58,235.7363095 --> 01:08:00,219.9791667
For more content, check out our website at familyceo.

1511
01:08:00,239.9791667 --> 01:08:00,549.9791667
org.

1512
01:08:01,39.9791667 --> 01:08:05,409.9791667
Be sure to follow us on all social media channels at underscore familyceo.

1513
01:08:05,449.9791667 --> 01:08:07,619.9791667
Be sure to subscribe and smash that like button.

1514
01:08:07,959.9781667 --> 01:08:10,919.9781667
Until next time, be creative, bring value.