Ep 22: F**k Bloodsport!

Hello this is Sean and welcome to fuck your opinion a movie review podcast. Before we get started please make sure to like follow subscribe, write a review of this podcast wherever you are listening right now and please be sure to follow us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. All those are linked in the description. Enjoy the episode. Hello and welcome to faqeer opinion a movie review pack a doing Jean-Claude Van Damme right now. I don't even know how to do that accent. Yeah. Hello, and welcome to fuck your opinion, a movie review podcast where my co hosts at my Casa Jani. His name is Johnny My name is Sean. We trade off picking movies for each other. We pick movies that we love that we know the other one is going to absolutely hate this week. And we watched Yeah, cuz I usually say the vice versa and I skipped it this time. This week. We watched Bloodsport, I chose this film. After we watched Badlands last week I said to myself, okay. Badlands is the connection here features a guy on the run from the law and is supposedly based off of a true story. So I picked up movie fraud guy running away from the lottery is based off of a suppose a true story that also tality that it's also about whatever that also started with the letter B. and was one word. Yeah, that's the connection. Yeah, you did all those things. You know, the Badlands and Bloodsport are basically the same movie if you think about it got a very similar runtime. And that's, that's about where it stops. Yeah, you know, Shawn, I don't know if we want to save this conversation for the end. But I gotta know right off the bat before we get going. You don't seriously like this to you. Like you can't sit there and tell me that you think this is good, right? Like you look at me in the eye right now and tell me this is like to go in cash. I'm looking at you in the eye right now. I don't think this is good. I think it's great. Oh, look, I knew dead in the fucking iottie you piece of trash you literal piece of shit. We'll get into why it's great. Well, right, Shawn? I think I formed my own theory of why I think you like it. So. Yeah, no, no, no, no, yeah, no, no, no, I've got a theory and yeah, we'll fucking get into it. Anyways, I chose this movie for a couple reasons. One of the chief reasons is because I watched it for the first time recently, I'm not a I didn't grow up with Jean-Claude Van Damme movies, and I recently started getting into them. I've only seen a couple so far. This is the only one that I would legitimately say is good. Bloodsport is on a whole nother level. I think it's really great. Really fun. And the first time I watched it, I was just like, oh my god, this is I mean it. It really shocked me it really surprised me because yeah, there are elements that are truly awful in this movie. Yeah, there are horrendously bad aspects, but it's almost like a filmmaker and I didn't do the research that this is the guy's first film or not, but it's it reeks of someone who doesn't really know what they're doing and just kind of lucked into the great things that happen you go Oh, well, because it's almost like a time in whoosah where you're like you don't necessarily know what you're doing but you ended up making something fun up. It's almost like a human tornado, you know? No, no, he went tornado is is leagues beyond this leagues beyond Bloodsport No. Anyways in every single way shape and form Don't you dare I am a fan I am especially everything now you go and you with with everything going on in society you go and compare Bloodsport to humid tornado that is just pour twice does that even mean what does that even mean? That you would bring that you would just bring humid tornado down into the muck where resides filthy, unlovable Bloodsport, it's an atrocity. A lot of people love this. Show me so many people love this movie and it's fantastic. It's great. It's a lot of fun. There's, we'll we'll get into the reasons why, but there's a lot to like about this movie. And one of the connections and why I knew I had to pick this movie was a because of those bad aspects. I knew Jani was going to absolutely loathe this film. I'd lost my mind watching it. I felt I was going insane. And secondly, it stars one of our favorites. Forest Whitaker. If you remember our crying game episode, don't worry. I don't remember it. I pretty much forgot it. But the one thing I remember, the one thing I remember, is Forest Whitaker and his cricket uniform. And his it's just a piece of meat, man. So I'm like, I gotta bring our boy forests back. You know, I gotta I gotta have a forest take too. So Forest Whitaker is in this movie. And that's why I chose this film. As for writing, I want to give it a seven out of 10 there's a lot of problems with it. I'm not going to overinflate it. But it's still really solid, really fun movie film, film. Sorry, film. Let's Let's hold off on that just for a moment. So yeah, named out there. Don't get me excited. Let me ask you. What would be your plot summary of this film? Okay, what is my summary of this movie, Bloodsport. A greased up Jean-Claude Van Damme stretches, splits and fights his way through an hour and a half long tournament movie that can only best be described as gay or that Brokeback Mountain. Well, those are some choice or is right there. I guess. And I don't mean like I'm talking about the actual content of homoerotic imagery and interactions. I believe there are more of those in Bloodsport than there are in the film, The notoriously homoerotic film Brokeback Mountain. I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain so I can't speak one way or another. I'm pretty sure we all know what it's about without saying it. I know what it's about. It's a beautiful Hill. But don't get me wrong. Here. Here's what I want to know Yani. Are you homophobic? No, sir. No, I'm not. However, there was a lot of very, very male oriented, very sexually charged moments. A lot of well, not a lot of but some very prioritise shots of Jean-Claude Van Damme either flexed or bare buttocks now is a one shot shirt on a you know, it was half a second, but it felt like it lasted for three hours when it was happening. This he was looking over his shoulder while he was looking cutely over as it's a problem. Is that a problem? No, no, no, it's not a problem. It's just I don't think this was a movie made for straight men. It definitely wasn't made for women. So that kind of only leaves one demographic left. I think it was made for a ton of straight men and gay men. It's made for all men. I'll give you that. Not really for the female viewer. But it's a man's movie. You know? It's you know, yeah, if you it. Sure. Why not? If you're a man and you like seeing men on the screen, well, Bloodsport might be the the picture for you. Yeah, go ahead, folks. It's on Netflix. You know, yani noise. Got a you always know how to take this podcast and bring it down a peg. So thank you for that. You know, that's what you get for comparing Bloodsport to Cuban tornado. You were ready gonna do this. You motherfucker. Don't even send the notes. Anyways, my Plot summary of this film, Jean-Claude Van Damme, he is he's been taught by the military and is like a lethal weapon or something like that. He has a ton of skills. We don't really know what anyways, he runs off. How do I apply? There's really there's no there's no real plot. I mean, basically, he goes to a fighting tournament. There's a tournament. He fights for his Satoshi his teachers honor and his honor. I mean, kind of Not really. He just wants to fight is it's kind of ambiguous, but I kind of like that. It's an ambiguous But well, we'll talk about that later. Anyways, there's a tournament he fights he gets a friend he gets a girlfriend kind of they fight boring. So check once Yeah, friend gets hurt goes to the hospital, but not really that bad. Jean-Claude fights too big baddie, he wins the end. I mean, there's really not much to know. No, there's a and forest. Whitaker plays one of the army guys to try to get him back because like we don't want to see You die. The government's put too much money into you or something. I don't know, even though like all of his important training occurred outside of the army with his What did you say that his official title of his mentor was his son, Yoshi. You weren't paying attention the movie, were you. You were paying attention. He said it multiple time. Satoshi. That's what they said. Oh, she said Doshi because he's not important. The Satoshi is like you said, it's really unclear why he's actually fighting in this. I watched this movie two times, hoping that I could get some inkling of an understanding of why Zhong cloudbet docks, his name's ducks. The character's name is ducks. It's spelled da wax souks, Dukes, ducks, he's he's funny Dukes. It's Frank Dukes. Did I get I don't think you paid attention. I don't really think you watch this movie. Because you're getting all the basic things wrong. Freddie ducks way does duck. Everyone needs ducks, and then hits the penis. Yeah, he does that he does. He does a really like valorous thing by hitting a man in the crotch. Which I feel like even Kuma Tay should be off limits. But the guy that guy snapped another guy's back in half. There's no fucking rules. It doesn't matter no matter what you're if you're fighting Kuma Tae. If you're doing like first grade karate, you should never be allowed to hit a man in the groin. Show I want to clarify. Mostly in enfeebling, let me get this right. The one rule is that you can't head guy in the crush, but you can kill him. I just want to clarify us. Yeah. After his you can hit him in the crouch after he's dead because yeah, it doesn't matter. He's not going to be able to feel I would think that killing is a bigger deal. What the groin, here's the thing not here now that he had this, it was it was frowned down upon. Because if if this was real, and if men didn't care about hitting each other in the groin, and this tournament that you would have just seen that do I get the entire time during every single fight? They would have just been punching each other in the groin first. That is now the whole thing when there is an unspoken law. You do not go for the growing you don't it is not fair. None of you don't want to argue for Eddie docks. Shame on you. Hey, you know that man 5056 56 knocks out so much. In one tournament, Shawn, I'm sure you look this up too. Do you know how many people would have to be fighting in a tournament for him to get 56 consecutive knockouts? No, but you look it up and you sent me the picture? Tell us it's over 72 quadrillion people. You know what? In case you were wondering, the story that this is based off of is fictitious. It never happened. What am I one of my favorite things? One of my favorite things. When I first watched this movie was watching it having no contacts and then at the end saying this is based off of a true story and then going like Wait, what? How can this possibly be based off a pitcher story? And then looking into it? And then it's immediately Oh, yeah, not really. And all the BS like statistics, his records a kick moving 72 miles an hour. How do they even measure that? Are you telling me they have a speed gun at a Kuma a tournament? just measuring how quickly people are punching and kicking? Yeah, I don't know why people die on the side though. It's the guy on the side who grabs the golden tooth you know, so one guy gets his tooth knocked out. And then when the like ring attendees or whoever is like, oh, there's a golden tooth. No one paying attention. Let me just grab it. Pretty funny, but he's the one with the speed gun in the background. Oh, yeah. Okay, thanks. I you know, maybe you're right. Maybe I wasn't watching closely enough. Yeah, you weren't. Anyways, Yogi green tea. Oh, God. Yeah, bitch. Yo, you're in T quote. So. Yogi, Yogi green tea quote for today. His Greatness is measured by our gifts, not by your possessions. So greatness is measured by Jean-Claude's fists. Those are his gifts, not his. I think you're thinking of something else. You say fists, but in your eyes. I see. You're thinking about another part of Jean-Claude Van Damme his body when you say his feet, his feet his fists while he does a lot of kick. No, he does a lot of kicking. No, I'm still pretty sure that's not it. But we can move on Jani. I'm sorry. You're a homophobe. I can't help it. Whatever. Shawn. I'm not I'm not a homophobe. If you try if you're trying to tell me something with this movie, you could go ahead and just say it out loud. We could have had Discussion A long time ago, I didn't want you to be heard. here's, here's here's, let me just let me just get this straight out of the gate because I know you're gonna keep fucking hitting it. If you're gay and you love this movie, that's great. That's fine. If you're not gay, and you love this movie, that's great. That's fine. It really doesn't matter what your sexuality as you know, I mean, this movie embraces the male form and highlights it sure. And embraces the male. The male embraces male friendship and bonding and embrace and really ignores the relationship between a man and a woman. That's why do men date women? They don't, but you know, it's really not a big deal. Like you're, you're reading way too much into it, because you just want to poke fun at me because you're an asshole. So whatever. You know what? Like, I'm straight but you want to take it you want to throw it at me? That's fine. You know if you ever want to talk about about it, Shawn, I'm here for you. I'm ready. Whenever you're able to accept to yourself I do accept myself. I am straight. I love this movie. I love dancing. I love bollywood movies. I love ROM coms. And you know what? That's okay. You can be whoever you want to be. You know a totally you show you because you whoever you just because you view through your societal lens that you have to be one thing or another. Like I hate football, as we've established on the last episode. I hey, I like it. I'm just saying I know what kind of porn I watch. Oh, okay. What kind of does that stay for the audience for the listeners? What kind of pornography you view? It's the kind of in the ladies. Uh huh. And I thought about as far as I'll get into that. moving fast this What do you like about this? All jokes aside? What do you like about this? What What I like about the there's a lot to love about this movie. But I would say the aspect that I love the most about it that kind of pervades throughout the entirety the film is the montage is there's so many mantises throughout this film, and why it works. Why the film works overall is because they're all pretty dang good. The opening montage is great. any of that fighting a montage is a great kind of looping it and even though it's not entirely a montage, but kind of the chase scene when Jean-Claude is running away from Forest Whitaker and the other guy, it's all great stuff. It's really fun. It's very breezy and light music is great and fun and works very well and along with the scenes you just add this like in the opening there's such a build anticipation from how we're just seeing all these fighters being real tough kicking a lot of ass and the music around just a little side note I also love on I think the the one fight where you got that older guy with his shirt off, screaming up and down waving his arms hilarious. But anyways, the montage is we're all super fun and we're they were all added really well to is something that I personally that and my other points are what really separate this movie from the other Jean-Claude movies but also just a lot of tournament and or action movies. It works really well. I don't know if I agree with the opening montage and that chase montage where Jean-Claude Van Damme is running away, heroically running away from Forrest Whitaker and old, white military police, man. Doesn't matter. Yeah, it was so dumb. It was dumb. It wasn't fun. It was just like, I was just there. Like, why is this happening? The way it's happening? This is like, you can't enjoy good times. The music was off the editing and the cinematography. In those scenes were great. They were just kind of lazily shot. I felt like in comparison to the other good actually good montage is in the in the movie, which I will give it credit for the fighting montage is they're well edited together. In fact, this is going to be one of the other things one of the few things that I think are actually good about this movie I'll just tie this into my my first quote unquote favorite aspect was the fight scenes, the fight scenes are actually extremely well choreographed. And for the most part pretty well shot to you really get a sense of the really get a sense of the space, how confined the fighters are in that space and the different techniques that they each employ in their battle, whether they're like kind of totally barbaric like that. I don't know what he was, but that giant guy with a very thin mustache and the neatly combed hair, he just picked people up and broke them whereas, Michelle and Jean-Claude Van Damme was fighting whatever Freddie ducks called his style of fighting to reduce ducks raid jujitsu, what did he call it? There was a name for it at the end. Yeah, he made some shit up of what his name made up. So of course they put his name in it. Yeah. But yeah, and then you know you see Ray Jackson kind of doing the same thing that big man within mustache was doing but he was just you know, the good ol American boy out there. reppin the US obey harassing women on a bus and drinking to excess USA. All jokes aside, yeah, the the fights were well choreographed. And you could tell that every single individual fighter was a competitive mixed martial artist most likely in real life. Yeah. Except for Ray Jackson. I know Ray Jackson wasn't I think he was just like, he was doing martial arts. He was just thrown people around. It was just beating people up. It was just a violent biker. I yeah, in the fighting. That's also that's actually my second like, so we'll just talk about it. It's so well choreographed. It's so well done. And, you know, a lot of times, I mean, they're not consistently making contact, but these guys are legitimately fighting to a degree. unlike so many movies these days, where we're trying to hide it through cotton through close ups. These guys are fucking going at it. I mean, no stunt doubles. You know, no stunt doubles. And even I'm, I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure the one fight that Jean-Claude has, I want to say it's his second fight. It might be his first one. Actually, it's his first fight. When the guy gets back up, writes the world record. It's when he knocks the guy down. The guy gets back up, they want go into gold tooth. I'm pretty sure he actually knocked the guy out. I think I think I did see him making contact. Yeah, yeah. I don't know about actually knocking the fellow out. But he did make contact. Now. I remember I read that. And I was just like, that's when you know, this is real Bloodsport guys for contact, as Ray Jackson said. It's the name of the movie full contact. That's the way to go. He's like the other guys. Like, aren't you afraid you got killed? And he's just like, only if you fuck up. I realized watching this the first time that I've actually seen Ray Jackson's fight his first fight with I don't know whoever that guy is who we just beat the piss out of. I saw it when I was like maybe nine or 10 on guess which channel guess which channel? I saw Bloodsport on back in the mid 2000s PBS PBS. Ding ding ding You got it. Shawn PVS how intuitive have you know you know exactly what Chad I saw it on Spike TV. Where else? BBC America. Nickelodeon. Yeah, so I I've actually seen part of this and that's I recognized Chong Lee. He was bigger in my memory. I thought he was just this giant dude, but he's tinier than I'm pretty sure he's tinier than Jean-Claude Van Damme. little old giant was such a five foot 10 Shawn Klein, he has such a big as some very breasts, but I'm very weighty chesticles Yeah, I'm not man. But I, he is such an imposing figure. And we'll just get into mostly the expression honestly, like his expression is just Yes. I you know, he's a gym unicorn. I don't think they could have found a better guy to play Chong Li No, I absolutely agree. I mean, this is gonna be my third like, so Come on. I think you know the answer to that question. So, Is we're just breezing through these. My third like, is Chong Li because he, the movie is solid. But you the best action movies need great villains. And Shawn Lee just serves as such a great, simple foil to Jean-Claude. There's not I'll get into the reasons why I think there actually is a whole lot that why you asked it? going on there. But on the surface level, there is not a ton going on there. But the actor's performance and his physicality is so strong, that you remember him way more than I mean anything else? Well, for example, the other Jean-Claud 's that I watched are most of kickboxer I haven't finished t. I barely remember who t at villain is, and was the ot If you want to know how much of a copy Lionheart is of this er one. Lionheart, Lionheart is basically the same exact i 's like copy and paste of t is movie to a ridiculous degree I mean, even Have you s en Lionhea movie, the storyline? Tell me which movie I'm talking about. Jean-Claude Van Damme plays a soldier who abandons his post in order to end Enter into a fighting tournament that goes several rounds in that tournament. The army that he was stationed with sends two guys after him to get him back. The guys follow Jean-Claude. There is an instance where they find him go after him. He evades and escapes from them. Then later on in the film for the finale fight with the big tough guy, who everyone's like, Oh, I don't think he can win at that finale fight. These two army guys go. Well, you know, this is the big fight. I guess we gotta let us just fight guy. So they not only let Jean-Claude fight, but they also sit in and watch the fight go on our spectators. Which movie am I talking about? The answer is both of them. That is exactly what happens in both of the movies. It's insane. I love it. But it's so weird. I don't know if you should love it. But okay, but anyways, we're talking about Chong Li. We're talking about Chong frickin Lee, what I love about Sean Lee is Yeah, his performance because he is this psychopath murderer. But what I love is his facial expressions how, like, how much he gets into it. He's just, he's just like full force crazed. And his how he waves his arms to get the audience riled up. You guys just watch a clip if you haven't seen this. Yeah, yeah, he's a showman. But to like an extra degree, homicidal degree. Yeah. I mean, what I wrote is that I, and I'm using your own fucking thing against you, and you're gonna fight this. So when we talked about the notorious Cold War? If you remember that episode, you said things like, a good film makes you question what happens in the interim, the amazing thing about the human mind is that you can fill in the gaps just because you're too blind to see this doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Those are things that you said about Cold War, because there were cific parts of Cold War, that we're not going that we're not in the film. So what I'm trying to say cific is that you can very much you can easily write off Chung Lee as these as simplistic bad guy who's just a psychopath. But if you really think about it, you can very easily almost fill in the gaps and say yourself, Well, why is he this almost bloodthirsty psychotic fighter who essentially gets off on just taking these people down? And just so into the applause? I mean, it almost feels like he is he cares more about the showmanship than the actual fighting he, he wants that approval from the audience, almost more than actually the feeling of being Vic like beating the actual people. I don't I don't think he would engage in a fight if he was outside the ring, or he wouldn't really care as much, you know? Well, yeah, it's very easy to understand. He's good at it. And it's something that's gotten him a claim, I should probably also add that martial arts are a little more important in the culture from which Chong Li comes. Yeah, so he's considered more of a celebrity at home more than, well, way more than your average american martial artist. I'm not even going to say maybe definitely 100% people care more about Chong Li back home, then people from Belgium or wherever Freddy ducks is from caring for the ducks. Frank, Dukes is his name. You did not pay attention, even though you've watched this twice. Anyways, you know, this is a total crapshoot. And this just fill in the gaps. But it's like, there is a world where, and this is literally just me basing it off the performance, that you can say Chong Li, he had a childhood and which probably his teacher or his father or whoever just forced him into this fighting mindset and torit mindset just from the earliest age possible. And that was all he had in his life. And that's how he got approval from them from everyone around him. And that's kind of just how he sees himself. And I'm like, that's kind of an interesting character going on there. And you don't normally get that the you don't normally get that from one of these tournament action fighting movies. Normally, it's just I've he's the tough guy that's there. But there's more to it. Yeah, you can tell there's probably a little bit more to his character. But one of the major weaknesses of this movie is that the villain the main antagonists, quote unquote, isn't really tied into the plot or the main characters struggle. The plot How can you say he's not tied into the plot and the plot is just torn him emotionally emotionally tied into the plot emotionally for the main character, the main character like he cares that Chong Li knocks out and very nearly kills Ray Jackson or at least like a scene is written where the audience is supposed to glean that you know that Freddy ducks cares about Ray Jackson and wants to avenge him by defeating Chong Li you get that? You get that sense? But here's the thing. The movie starts off with him being emotionally tied to Satoshi and Satoshi son. And we know Satoshi son dies and for some reason Freddy ducks feels like he has to fight for and earn satoshis honor by fighting Kuma Tay, but we don't ever know exactly why it's Kuma Tay in particular he has to do this at why it couldn't be like literally anything else. It's just okay has to be the tournament he's gonna go to my tournament the best fighters and all around the world going to come attack okay, but you know, honestly like the Oscars are such a better movie honestly would have made life so much better is if satoshis son had thought Kuma Tae Chong Li had killed him and then Freddy ducks felt like he had some sort of chip to get off his shoulder by defeating Chong Li that would have that would have made me feel so much more immersed in the story. Rather than wondering why on earth Freddy had to get himself into this tournament. Well, the thing is, Friday didn't get himself into a tournament because Frank Dukes, Frank, Dukes, Frank, Freddie, do you have fucking moron? Anyways, you know what, sorry, there must be something wrong. You're saying you think you're saying something else, but it's just coming across as Freddy ducks to me. That's all I'm hearing. Maybe I need to get new earphones hold on here. But here, let me hear it's a logical fallacy with your argument. If we did that swap and Chong Li killed this son, would we still get the 20 minute intro scene where Jean-Claude is staring at the sword and having like 10 minutes of flashbacks while staring at that store the entire time. I don't think we was totally, I was absolutely I absolutely need you. And if I need that, if we didn't get 10 minutes of Jean-Claude Van Damme staring at a sword, it may be something else a little more substantial than Yeah, I would gladly trade it for that instead. Gladly. See, here's the thing, like, speaking about that intro and kind of, I guess his motivation, that 15 to 20 minutes is so weird and so disjointed. But I love it for it's just, there's just so much going on there that you kind of laugh at, but enjoy. That's the stuff that says a little bit more. I'm laughing at you not necessarily with you, as opposed to some of the later stuff. But I enjoyed it nonetheless. You wouldn't want to see it better. You wouldn't want to see it a little fun more finally worked into the into the tournament majority of the runtime. You don't want that at all. You just want the disjointed crazy weird. I think it's part of the charm. It's part of the charm to me. I don't care about I don't care about the charm because I wasn't charmed watching this. I was just confused for the most part. You know what confused me though. If this Doshi, I don't remember his name. But oh, you don't remember his name? Sean. You just weren't paying attention. If you don't remember satoshis name you blatantly got the name got the guy's name wrong consistently. After I've told you Satoshi is called Satoshi talking about it's Tanaka, Tanaka it dumbfuck it's Tanaka is the name. Okay. So Tanaka. He's he says he's from Japan. And he said that his first family was killed during the bombings of Hiroshima. First of all, where was he that he was he like on a business trip and like, Oh, thank God, I missed that one. Second of all, obviously, in the army, he was he was he was he was he was on the battlefield. Most likely. That's why that makes sense. That makes sense. But I think the martial arts where else he was, are you telling me that guy wasn't gonna be the arbiter? No, you're right. You're right. You're right. I take that back. But I will say his accent bothers me because it's more understandable more comprehensible than Jean-Claude Van Dam's. No, but ever saying that he grew up he was raised and grew up in Japan and spoke Japanese. His English sounds like he's a Californian or something. I mean, it just, it doesn't work. But well, we're gonna get we're gonna get into the acting in a bit. I think of everyone's acting in this movie. You have the least right to complain about Tanaka's. Thanks, probably Here's the ceiling on the talent in this movie, okay? Don't go knocking on the ceiling. Don't go knocking on Tanaka. You can't knock on sanaka get that T shirt. Don't Don't knock on Tanaka. Anyways, yani, you got any other compliments for this movie, you want to go right into the range XML. That's my last thing. Ray Jackson. If Tanaka is the ceiling on the acting in this movie, Ray Jackson's like just barely brushing it. He's a crazy, crazy satire of the average American I think he could only be somehow more American if he were perched on two Native American skulls while giving it to a bald eagle from behind. But you know what I appreciate I appreciate without governor bag. I'm with an American flag with an American flag, but he's using it to like support the bald eagle so he doesn't have to like hold it or like hold the bald eagles wings in the act of copulation. He's used his the flag. He's fuckin taught. He's fucking the bald eagle. Yeah, that's what I said. He's given it to a bald eagle. That's the only way he could have been more American in this movie is if everywhere he was walking around. He had shoes made of Native American skulls to Jesus. And he had that Eagle just just cemented to his midsection. I mean, really, but yeah, he was he was funny. He was like the one legitimately kind of funny element in this movie, the thing that I thought like, Oh, this is a little humorous. At the same time, his relationship with Freddie DOCSIS just is just it's completely folded in very little effort I made like he's known Jean-Claude Van Damme knows him for all of maybe two days before he tells him before he tells Ray Jackson, that he loves him. I was like going off of what you said earlier. I'm not I didn't really see what you were saying before about the film until the last two scenes. And last two scenes and conjunction made me go Okay, that was pretty gay. Because you basically have him at the hospital. So you have Jean-Claude at the hospital with Ray Jackson and Sean Clark. He's love interest. Yeah, the woman he slept with, and they basically ignore her. They talk the whole time and basically say, I'll do anything for you, man. anytime anyplace. I'm there and almost go in for a kiss. They like hug and the girl is just like waving like, hey, that's cool. Yeah. And then at the end, at the end at the airport, Jean-Claude goes on an airplane on the tarmac. And she drives up to the plane or something. And she waves by to him, or she does like a little like, bow thing. If she does a little salute, and he doesn't say bye or anything. He just like, waves her off like a spin reel and just walks away. And I'm like, wow, okay, that was a send off for her. Just throw. She's just another side piece. Okay, Jean-Claude. All right, that that was just, yeah, she and you know what? That that maybe this is a good point to transition into the things that we don't like, because this is both on both of our lists. Yeah. So the number the number one thing that we don't like, you guessed it, the acting the acting is awful good. God the acting in this it is just unbelievably bad. Seriously, it makes parts of the room look good. It makes it's it's somehow cambier and more unappealing than the intentionally bad acting in velocity pastor. You, couldn't you? You could try as hard as you want to do a poor pitiful job acting and you could still not do as poorly as about 90% of the people in this movie. But like the room, it's so poor, that there's a beauty to it. I will say and I'm not trying to defend it. It's just so different than what you would expect. It's like, wow, God, all right, we're in. It's like, Okay, this movie clearly had a multi million dollar budget. Now, it only had 1.5. Okay, it had 1.5 millions of dollars in its budget, which in 1989, was maybe about four and a half by today's currency standard. Either way, there were professional elements to it. It was it the cinematography was half decent most of the time, actually, I'll give it that it looked nice. The movement could have there was more wanting for a movement. But there was clearly some some money behind it. I don't know if the director just didn't speak English and therefore couldn't direct foreign characters speaking who's boek foreign tongues first in English language, I have really no idea how I can explain this or begin to even understand why it's so bad, but maybe you can. Shawn, do you have any sort of, oh, you see, the director sort of liked. The director took the Clint Eastwood approach and said, No rehearsal. We're doing one take heavy wine, and then just let Shawn cloth read the line for the very first time. He said it and then they said, We're good. We're out. You're drunk. Just kidding. That's not what happened. I can't explain. I mean, this is Jean-Claude first film, at least leading I'm not 100% sure if he did anything before, but it says Firstly, non pornographic film. Yeah. This is his first leading film, and it shows he his acting ability definitely gets better over time, but it's certainly not an Oscar winner. But you're not watching a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie for that. You're watching it for the no stunt performers. You're watching it for the action. I mean, Van Damme's chopped up. There's a reason why Chong Li has like three lines isn't in this entire movie because because his eyebrows say everything he do. Yeah, exactly. And john claws eyes also say everything they need to a lot of people just know they don't. A lot of people in this movie, speak through just a wide eyes. They just open up their eyes real big. And that's the reaction like a train's coming at them. Yeah. And that's, that's half the acting in this movie. The other half is just reading the script off of cue cards. Like it was the first time they'd ever seen it. It probably was in a lot of cases. It probably was. Yeah, you know what, what, and this isn't like necessarily, but he's acting Jean-Claude Van Damme acting isn't only the worst in the movie, because it is his English is also the worst in the movie. Yeah. But literally every single other person in this movie speaks with greater with greater fluency and expression in the English language than him. I would argue even the characters that shouldn't be speaking English to one another because they're all together. I mean, at one point, you see like the tournament runners, the people, the whoever it was who developed and running the tournament, you see three of them, they're all Asian gentleman standing together. And for some reason they're speaking English, instead of probably their their, their their native language, and it's still better. It's it's still better than Jean-Claude Van Dam's. But even though we're deriving the acting right now, we still have to remember that one of the actors in this film won an Oscar for Best acting. Yep. So okay, here's keep that in mind. I think Forrest Whitaker has all of maybe 10 lines. Yeah, he's barely at it. And he's still you know what, I wish we had more I wish there was a little more maybe just from an acting standpoint, a little more focus on him because I could have been more forgiving. In my in my criticisms on the acting, I just wish he had a cricket uniform. I wish he was wearing a cricket uniform. And then when it got to the final fight, he tried to he threw his bat or whatever the cricket bat or whatever it's called. At Jean-Claude is like, here you go. But take mine or throw him out. He threw him one of the cricket balls. He threw one of the cricket balls and you know, it's a metaphor. Who's to say that would have been unfair if groin shots and apparently powder to the eyes are also fair game in this fight? Yeah, lives. Remember that that powder that Shawn Lee crushes and blows a Jean-Claude Van Damme size is very visible, very visible to the majority of the audience saw which leads me to also question Okay, if those two things are legal, who's to say that maybe bringing a gun into the middle of the fight or just shooting your opponent wouldn't also be legal in the NGO and style? Now that would be fun. That'd be great. Oh, of course, he was. He had a gun. He just shot everyone. I kind of want to make a short film now. That's like Bloodsport. We're all anticipating this raise a fucking gun. It just shoots and tournament over 56 knockouts in a row. Well, yeah, I mean, you know, the 72 quadrillion people out there. Let's get started. Before we transition away from acting, I wanted to have a little game with Eonni Eonni. Who would you give the award to for Worst Actor in this film? Who's the Worst Actor of the bunch? I feel like that's relatively easy. I think I've already stated it. I think Jean-Claude Van Damme is probably the worst actor in the movie. Can you come up with somebody even worse, I think Who even worse is the kid who is playing young Jean-Claude Van Damme? That kid is Chicago Bears jersey. What? Is he trying to impersonate? That accent was? No, that was pretty hard. The acting was equivalent of so I went to Catholic school, right? It's like watching a Catholic school, instructional, don't do drugs video. That's the acting ability that we have right here. It's like you just plot that kid from the streets and said, Hey, you want to be in this movie? Here's five bucks. Like they forgot to budget for him and just went along. I mean, he's he's so bad, but it was funny. It was really funny. Also, like when he's like, I mean, just every everything in this movie that he does, even just lying on the floor when Satoshi knocks him down. And just like looking up this looks funny or when he helped the the friend up from the fight and got into a fight. Just everything. It was all just goofy or so goofy. This is just a little being hard to but his face just as his dumb dopey face. I don't know. Maybe he's listening to this podcast, sir. If you are I really hope you grew out of that face. Because if you didn't you you've probably had a very hard life up until now. And I'm sorry. Yeah, now he but I like that worse actor was one of the Frank Dukes portrayals so you have one Frank Dukes. I have another Frank Dukes. Yep. Just a couple just a gaggle of ducks. Yeah. Anyways, we also share our second dislike, which is Gracie law. So listeners we go off of a Google word doc for our outline, and I wrote least favorite Gracie law. Now Gracie law is the character in big trouble Little China, the blonde reporter and I remember this character's name. I didn't remember the actresses name. But she's basically Gracie law and Big Trouble in Little China. So I'm just gonna call her Gracie law cuz she's Gracie law. And that's the only name I remember. But anyways, Beverly D'Angelo you can get that but you can't get Frank Dukes. I don't know who would it have been it wasn't fair a faucet wasn't Beverly to Angela are saying in big trouble or this in big trouble is Kim Cantrell, Cottrell something like that can control Okay, control Yeah, that's right. Anyways, your issue on this movie, negligible. She didn't really matter. And it's not only that she didn't matter the internal logic with which her character functioned was insane. So she the very first time you see her, she's asking people who she thinks are fighters about the Kuma Tae tournament, and she's going on and on about the Clemente tournament, nobody's responding to her about it. Nobody's telling her about it. And she she just comes right out and says, Hey, I'm a reporter. I want to tell this story to the world. I want to reveal all the secrets about this secret tournament to everyone out there, and I'm expecting you to do it for me. We got a great reporter she that later goes on Woodward and Bernstein right there to sell herself to Freddie ducks. She sells her body in a sexual exchange was Jean-Claude Van Damme in order to gain access to get into the qubits a turd of it The morning after of which jcvd after coquettishly pulling up underwear over his bare firm buttocks says no, I sorry, I cannot do that. man walks out the door. So she presumably just begs another guy to get into the audience because that's the next time you see her she's magically made her way in. Oh, she doesn't explicitly say like, Hey, you know, let's do I do this thing for you. You do this thing for me. You know, it's I feel like it I feel like she does more or less Frank. Freddie is like you can assume that but I don't think it's explicit. It's It's like she's, she's she's a poor character. And then once she gets in, she kind of puts on a dress. I just pretend to be undercover. And one of the best parts is she takes out during the middle of a fight she takes out a tape recorder and starts going over the story a wow, you think no one else is paying attention? I mean, aren't you supposed to be there in secret undercover Wow, terrible reporting there lady. Majority of the audience also is an interested in women in in the Kuma Tae tournament either so not probably not a single male I even rested on her for more than half a second. But anyways, how is she going to be able to hear her notes if everyone is literally screaming the entire time. At least have a notepad I don't know not the best character. Anything you want to say about her just really poor writing. It's just you're just lazy. I don't know who wrote this. So what's the credit? Who's the credited writer on this? Is it also the director? I have no idea. And look it up did did Freddie ducks write this story himself? Oh, he might have actually. Well, Frank Dukes might have written it. He was a stunt. He was a stunt guy on it. He was the coordinator and I think he actually trained all of the while at least Jean- Claud Van Damme. Yeah, I'm pretty sur he claimed Yeah, and claim t train. Also, want to mention this real quick before I forget, one of my favorite bits are my favorite scenes, is at the very end, when the rich guy who's been betting on Jean-Claude entire time, Jea -Claude, it's, he's like no gonna make it to the tournamen in time. And the RAF is like Oh, well, we'll say he's goin to be disqualified. We've got t get on with the tournament. An then this rich guy just bribe the ref just you know, take som a wad of cash and puts it in hi shirt. very comical. Then a soon as he does this, Jean-Cla de finally arrives, and the uy immediately takes back he money. It's hilarious. It's j st a funny little bit. Anywa haha, Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Anyways, what's your third dislike? You know, we've we've we've crossed this bridge. A lot of times already. I'll just state it again for proprieties sake here. I still after two viewings, have no idea what Jean Claude Van Damme characters. I've messed up his name. Let me just restart Shawn for the love of you. Just please cut. You messed it up so many times. And this is the time that you stop. I could just say Freddie ducks if you want me to. I'll say Freddie ducks. Shot I find twice now. And I joke why Freddie ducks trained left his post and enter this Kuma Tae tournament. I have no idea what his motivation was for it. I see that you wrote something good response to it on the outline. His honor, comma, dumb ass. That's what I wish I responded. That's not a motivation, comma, you cocksucker to which you responded. Wow. His teacher slash real father others honor to which I responded in quotes. Oh, comma, nevermind, then. Yeah, because that's what it is. But also, I said his teacher slash real father, because we know nothing about Jean-Claude's family. I mean, there's one scene where young Frank dubes into Doshi are talking to his parents about Hey, he's going to train with me, yada, yada. But we never see Frank's family again. And we don't know anything. And it's a little fucking weird that it seems to be that he cares more about Satoshi and his wife, then his own family, basically abandon them does. So you know, there's that that true. His mother had cancer and he just left her deal with it yourself. Mom, I need to go fight with this grown man. Yeah, that's what it was. You don't know what that does get fixed the Lionheart, my father in law was doing karate and just disowned him after that. I would believe that. But his father agreed that for the karate to do the karate, while he saw what was happening, and then he was like, nope, you you leave me you move out of this house. This this second. Don't even you don't get to collect your things. You walk out. Okay, so why won't come back? What moment Do you think inspire that? Do you think when Jean-Claude was doing one of those splits between the chairs he said, Son I disown you now get out. Yeah, probably it was either that or he lied or not my son anymore. He took like a bottle of shampoo from his parents bathroom, graced himself up and then decided to sit on some on the corner of some natural heritage Center's majestic Outlook or some other place. In the end, before the let before the last fight with Charlie. He's sitting on this stone bench, I guess, looking out over the walled city. And he's not wearing a shirt. He's greased up. He's doing the splits again, by the way, in case you were wondering, folks, but it's pretty clear that the places that might be a temple, you might have gone to a temple. I've been there before. I know exactly where, yeah, into the walled city. I've been to Hong Kong before. And I know exactly where that part is on Hong Kong. I can't remember the mountains name, but that's not that's not the aspect that's crazy about that. what frustrates me about that element is that in order to get up there, there is a What the fuck is it called? It's a, it's a, you have to take a trolley from the base of Hong Kong up the mountain to get there, that car, trolley, cable car, whatever, you have to take that. And that's at least to get up there takes quite some time. And there's also a ton of tourists. There's so many people up there. So the fact that a you got there that early in the morning, like I mean, what time did you wake up 4am and get all the way up there? It's a little weird while he's in the military, he probably wakes up at 4am most Sure, sure, I guess. But he's really to know, it's really early to get up to get all the way up there. Also, that place is flooded with tourists. Now. I can't speak to that time period. And I can't speak to that time of day. But I could I could show you the pictures I took there. And let me tell you, I couldn't get a clean one with myself. There is always going to be somebody in that background. So for them to get that wondering like how he was able to get up there and deface that that beautiful area with partial nudity and coconut oil is just astonishing, right? It was a beautiful shot though. I liked it. I thought it was great. But it Yeah, but you know, took me out a little bit a lot of grease. Maybe he hiked up the side of the mountain and it wasn't even coconut oil or all of you can. That would take a long time. Oil. Well, he's Jean-Claude Van Damme. AKA maybe he Friday ducks. Maybe he fucking jumped up there. I don't know. Maybe he just did the splits all the way up. You know, maybe he did what he did with those trees. He had grappling hooks on each one of his limbs and he just did the splits from trunk to trunk all the way up the top of the mountain. I think what he did was what are what did those calves the calves that the guys run? What was it called? Human carts? I don't know, Petty caps. So I think what he probably did was he hired to petty calves to go up the side of the hill and side by side side by side. He does split in between them. Yeah. I think that's that's the only logical wrestle. Why are we talking? This is so dumb. Are we done with this episode yet? What's one more thing? Did you let dislike something else? So there's one other thing I want to talk about? And because you weren't paying attention in the movie, I don't think you notice this. But my roommate pointed out and when he pointed it out, you can't it's one of those things that you don't hear until you hear it. But once you hear it, you can't unhear it. So there's this noise going on in the background. That sounds almost like a cat meowing Jani I'll send you the video right now. I didn't want to you don't know what I'm talking about. Right? You know what? No, I do. What do I remember correctly? Hearing like bowling pins being knocked over? Can you go on YouTube right now? Oh, yeah, I can go on YouTube right now and type in Bloodsport cat, blood, sport. Cat. All right, filter out all the gay porn. Okay, there we go. Oh my gosh. Samia, oh, yeah. So here's the thing. When you first when you hear that there's this meow that happens throughout the entirety of the movie. And it got to a point where it's almost like a horror movie, in the sense like a jumpscare horror movie, where you think like, when is this thing going to come in? You're just waiting in anticipation for it. And it just keeps popping out randomly. And you never know, like, what's up now? You know, like, What the fuck is going on right now. And there. There are a whole threads on Reddit and other forums like, what is this noise and no one can figure out what it is. Now, I talked to a friend who has cats yesterday. And she was like, that's not a cat noise. I have two cats last night cat meow. And I'm like, what else can it be? And she gave some suggestions like the bird or something? And I'm like, no way. I know I don't have a cat. That's not a fucking bird. I don't know what it is. But it's in the sound design is throughout the entirety of the movie. And when you hear it, it drives you insane because you're like, what is this a cat meow. Like, like, I my roommate and I every time we'd hear it, we just would try and debate what's going on right now. I mean, it's I was saying that there must be somebody in the cat that crowd like one of the extras because they just probably didn't pay them very well or at all just went Fuck it. I'm gonna bring my cat to this film today. And they just let the cat go. And a cat was just meowing consistently but it's this. Here's the thing. It's the same In fact, it's the same effect every time. So I don't know. I think it was the sound designer. I think they just threw it in there exactly what they were doing. And they were like, you know what, screw it. I'm gonna throw this in just to see if anybody notices, and it made it all the way to theaters and to video release without anyone picking up on it. Studio director. Yeah, producers. No one. It's just like slapping you in the face a little. I think people paid. This is like what is going on? It drives me a little crazy. I kind of like it though. But it's weird. Anyways, it's a monotonous job. That's all I got to say. Yani, what are your final thoughts on this film? Final thoughts, folks? If you want to find something that's incredibly stupid, but oddly watchable. I'd say go back to tango and cash because this is not a good option. If you want to see some, some pants tightly hugging Jean-Claude Van Dam's tightly tensed buttocks. Yeah, sure. Maybe this is the one for you, Shawn, I know that there's a possibility you're really into that. And you've seen a lot of his other movies now. So I'm really fighting. Yeah, sure that that's what I was talking about. I think I'd recommend this to you. If you had never seen this and I had, I would have said Shawn, you know what you would probably really like Bloodsport. However, you're the only person I think I would make that recommendation to this one. It's, it's, it's a little unique it is. And I don't think I'll ever watch it again. Even for laughs even if I want to get drunk and feel really good about myself. This is not going to be the thing that I turn on. And for that reason, I'm going to forego the whole decimal points and joke right now and just give this one a 2.9 that is the lowest score I've given anything. might be the lowest for a very long time, but I think it's fair. I think it's fair. Wow, I think it's fair. I think it's accurate to point. Man, this really incentivizes me to give you a real piece of shit. Like something you would literally you know that you know what you're watching. Don't tell me this is a seven if you could say, give me a real piece of shit. Why? Oh, I'm saying this isn't a piece of shit. That's where I'm saying this is a good movie. This is I know I'm gonna come back to this and maybe for years and years like I really enjoyed I'm sure you will I dug it knocked out I get anyways. Yeah, anyways, you dumb fuck. Where we watching next week? Well, like I said last last time, my last episode in Badlands, I wanted to make you suffer. And over the last week I started to soften up to that notion and think okay, well, maybe I'll give you something a little bit easier. The French Open is going on right now. I was thinking maybe I was going to give you a tennis documentary about John McEnroe. might save that for a later date though, because I watched Bloodsport between Monday and today twice. And I'm back to wanting to inflict a great amount of emotional and psychological pain on you. So this week, we're going to watch Emil klimov come and see I had fun with it. You can't pick that I really liked that one. You don't know what it is. Now I really like coming see by that guy you said you got about what's it about Shawn? It's a Hide and Seek game where they come and they see me better if you go into it thinking it's that that's exactly what it is. Shawn How fun is it? is spelled cu m space and s EA eight remember how you had to have a masturbate in the ocean all time to think about your life after the return and after the diving bell and the butterfly. Why don't you do this to me you're going to need weeks to recover from this one week's I don't get it. I give you fun good movies and you give me trash Go fuck yourself. dumpster fires. Yeah, fuck you to fuck you. Oh, hi. It's like, oh, did you already cans now I didn't stop while you're gonna say oh, I'm just going to I was gonna do a Jean-Claude Van Damme impression to it. Oh, hi, Sean. This is Jean-Claude Van Damme. I hear you are really into my films. That's like too many neck massages. That's his to tide how to sell. Or do you? Just Tommy that's all you're doing. You know, that's what it is. Oh, hi Ani. Or Hi, Ani. Let me catch you in the face. I was that you saying that? Or was are you finally or do we just have a breakthrough moment or doing an impression? Sure. Sure. I want to stop your rebuttal.