Are we still single moms? Feat. Shekem and Orlando

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Speaker 1: Atlanta.

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Speaker 2: Guess what the good Moms are coming to your city on April twenty six. We're pulling up at the Black Effect Podcast Festival.

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Speaker 3: That's right, We'll be hitting the stage with other hot podcasts like R and B, Money, Trap Nerds, Naked Sports, and Sarah Jakes.

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Speaker 2: And if you've ever been to a Good Mom's Bad Choices show, you know it gets real, real bad, and we have some special guests. So I'm so excited to meet our Atlanta tribe. Make sure you pull up April twenty six to the Black Effect Podcast Festival and get your tickets at Black Effect dot Com Slash Podcast Festival.

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Speaker 1: See you there.

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Speaker 4: Once upon a time, there was a good old traditional housewife.

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Speaker 5: She cooked, she cleaned.

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Speaker 6: Cared for her children and the man of the house, and of course she.

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Speaker 5: Didn't talk back. She was both.

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Speaker 7: Obedient and soft by nature.

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Speaker 5: She was a good woman who always made good choices.

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Speaker 8: I sing that shit off.

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Speaker 2: We're good Mom's Bad Choices too, single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all.

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Speaker 8: Their bad choices and sound out they were so bad. After all, we're experts. Over chairs and your new bestie, sit back and do the ride.

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Speaker 1: I can do a pack on my.

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Speaker 8: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 1: I'm Erica and I'm Meila, and it's Wednesday. You're gonna see you.

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Speaker 8: Holding hands off camera while we haven't introduced the guests yet.

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Speaker 5: Can help us?

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Speaker 1: Sorry, m.

00:01:27
Speaker 8: But I like no want to see her for three seconds. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 2: I'm Erica and I'm Meila. Happy Wednesday, bitches, it's it's the.

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Speaker 8: Ojis of uncensored motherhood. Okay, coming live in effect black effect. Hey, just in case you bitches forgot.

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Speaker 1: Let him know, baby, we started all this ship.

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Speaker 3: We started all this ship. Two single moms walking to a bar, one holding tequila.

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Speaker 1: And the other one on the brink of a breakup.

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Speaker 8: Both with tequila in hand.

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Speaker 2: C we found love in a hopeless place, Rihanna, this sounds familiar. It's because maybe you've wrote our book, A Good Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices.

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Speaker 8: And if you haven't, this is a reminder that you need to. Because what other book starts like that Mother's Day is coming out.

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Speaker 3: That maybe you know a mother who's about to become a mother, or a woman who's thinking about becoming a mother, and she should probably rethinking her decision, or maybe she's on the brink of giving birth. This is the book you need to give her, because well, we know what we're talking about.

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Speaker 8: It's the Motherhood Bible. It is so you could just call us the Black Jesus. We wrote it.

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Speaker 1: They're black jesesas.

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Speaker 8: Lossas mos Las. Who's this?

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Speaker 3: They're Los Angeles, like of Nazareth, but of Los Angeles.

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Speaker 1: Got it, I got it, I understood.

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Speaker 8: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: How are you feeling this week, my dear?

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Speaker 8: Okay, okay, thank you.

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Speaker 1: I feel good. I feel great.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I've been dreaming a lot.

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Speaker 8: Me too.

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Speaker 2: I've been having a lot, a lot of dreams, like every single night of vivid ass dream and normally I don't even remember my dreams, but I've been remembering.

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Speaker 1: Not not every detail, but more than usual, and.

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Speaker 2: I've been recording them when I wake up, because if I don't now forget.

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Speaker 8: I just remember.

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Speaker 3: I had a lot of vivid dreams, I told Orlando, But right now, in this moment, I can't think of any of them. And I had the when I feel like last night, I've had a really really vivid dreams. Since I put this like a symbol on my mirror, but I'm gonna start recording them.

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Speaker 8: That's a good idea.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you just have to like hit the voice memo on your phone immediately. But I had one the other night where all my hair was falling out. It was like just like a little patch of hair, and then I started like moving it, and then like more started coming out, and.

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Speaker 1: Then I was like, oh my god. And then I went into the room. Iri was there and I had like a U part, but it.

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Speaker 2: Was bald, bitch, I had a fucking you part. It was really devastating. So apparently I looked it up. It means either fear of aging or stress and anxiety, or I don't know, fear of change.

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Speaker 8: Interesting.

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Speaker 1: Interesting, basically fright.

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Speaker 8: It's a tip of the week. Tip of the week is record your dreams.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's tip of the week. Yeah, record your dreams. I think I was telling Mila, or I was telling you or somebody I was. I think I told you be careful putting a mirror in front of your bed when you put that mirror there, and then I didn't have my mirror in front of my bed, and now I have a mirror ish sort of facing the corner of my bed, and I swear ever since I put that mirror there, I've been having a lot of dreams.

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Speaker 3: I think it was a mirror. Plus putting the symbol on the mirror. This, I think it's a syllicle. I don't think you need a symbol for the dreams to happen. Oh well, that's the only time I started getting them super vivid shit. I don't know anyway, Anyway, today we have some very special guests. You guys, it's a very special it's a very special week on Good Mom's Bad Choices because the first in the lifetime ever occurrence that we've ever had on Good Moms.

00:05:22
Speaker 8: It's been seven years and this has never happened. So you were in for an exclusive, exclusive, exclusive drum.

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Speaker 1: I'm nervous.

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Speaker 3: You'll be okay, You'll be okay. Today we have very special guests, like I said before, and the guests today are are none other than our men, our men, our men, our partners, our boyfriend and fiance.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember in an episode we had a practicing boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: One time twenty we got boyfriends and we like officially and we were like we have but.

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Speaker 8: We got.

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Speaker 1: A friend of a friend.

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Speaker 3: Was a boy we were allergic, probably because were allergic to them and we were fighting against our bodies. But now we can say it's strong. Welcome to the show, Orlando, and shut him. Hey, you've been on the show before. You're always on the show, hovering over my shoulder every move I make.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I've what I've been. I saw the first episode when they didn't know you guys were going to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Then I was there when you guys were date.

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Speaker 4: Girlfriend at that time.

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Speaker 3: Officially, you really didn't really believe it because you told us it was a lie.

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Speaker 2: Wasn't true because you guys weren't because you weren't committing fully, No, I was.

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Speaker 8: You were just saying, like, you never go visit her. You guys are not a relationship. Remember you called it.

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Speaker 3: You're not paying her rent. You don't pay for her to come see you. And I was like, I just said there quietly.

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Speaker 2: Now I had to do a check if you were strong enough, mad enough to deal with my questions, Orlando.

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Speaker 3: And then you did it again in November when we did a couple of months and you asked us if we knew each other by asking us questions.

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Speaker 1: Oh, that's the one I'm thinking about Yeah, no, I was thinking.

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Speaker 3: About the one before that in Woodland Hills where he was on that other podcast that we don't speak of.

00:07:24
Speaker 8: Is that other weird guy?

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you guys were kind of not you guys were you guys were not official?

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Speaker 3: Then it was Remember he went on a hard press release and I was like, chill out.

00:07:33
Speaker 1: Okay, Well that's why I didn't believe. That's why you with you. I'll be going off your energy beach anyway.

00:07:39
Speaker 3: Well now I have less commitment issues because I got a ring, y'all.

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Speaker 2: I was telling me al I was nervous for this episode because I've never obviously had a partner on the show before, and she was acting like I was crazy, and I was like, bitch, you don't.

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Speaker 1: Remember how nervous you were the first time. Orlando she was over here.

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Speaker 5: Like I'm nervous.

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Speaker 8: Should we do this?

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, how quickly we forget?

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Speaker 8: I was nervous for my other hos.

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Speaker 3: It was it was more about it wasn't about me going public. It was just more like, it feels like it's super like pissing on me in public. Even though Orlanda had told like fifty people online already, so that was my biggest concern. But I've really I've grounded into my partnerism. As you can see, I'm wearing a long dress, which screams I'm in a relationship.

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Speaker 4: That's a good Christian woman right now.

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Speaker 1: Wow, you're so conservative cat ears.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, I'm a house not a wildcat.

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Speaker 6: Speaking speaking of dreams, you were in my dream last night too. Really, it was kind of embarrassing.

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Speaker 1: To tell.

00:08:41
Speaker 6: We were at a pool party and Chelsea and I forgot her name, the dark skin girl from Black Girls Sex thing. They were like, Miila had cheated on me in the pool. She was having sex with some money in the pool.

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Speaker 4: Wow. And then they had came home and me.

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Speaker 6: They were like, I think Mela was having sex with that guy in the pool.

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Speaker 4: I was embarrassed. Pay it off. I was like, you know, we're not monogous.

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Speaker 2: You know, you know that's right, protect your relationship publicly.

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Speaker 6: I was like, you know, she she could do that because you're not.

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Speaker 1: Curse her ass out later that that was your dream? Did you wake up mad?

00:09:16
Speaker 8: Like what happened?

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Speaker 4: We had that? Then we had sex. It was better.

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Speaker 6: I felt better about myself.

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Speaker 8: You didn't tell me any of this.

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Speaker 1: A bit abusive and sex this morning, know that I.

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Speaker 3: Think of it for some shit I didn't do in somebody's pool I don't know of.

00:09:33
Speaker 4: It's crazy.

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Speaker 8: We wanted to have a We wanted to have an episode with our men, because you know, I score the Internet a lot, and I noticed that there's a lot of just.

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Speaker 3: Women hate and man hate. And I'm not even sure if we like each other. You just like to have sex with each other. So I figured today it would be a good day to just promote.

00:09:51
Speaker 8: Young black sexy love.

00:09:54
Speaker 3: And we're talking about a lot about reparenting ourselves as we parent children, but now we I have to learn how to reprogram ourselves in relationships because well, we never seen any healthy ones, how about you too?

00:10:09
Speaker 8: Not TV doesn't.

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Speaker 9: Count, TV doesn't count fresh prints and theolong doesn't count, all right, so if Love Jones doesn't count, I have been blessed to see a few really good relationships growing up, aunties and uncles, and I got a pretty good blueprint. But then again, it's like you can only use so many of their tricks because they're different people and they're old and stuff used to go back then that doesn't really go now and they're old back then Flowers chocolates in the movie, was like, we're going together.

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Speaker 5: It's like, that's it.

00:10:38
Speaker 1: Now, you gotta get a Burken bag.

00:10:39
Speaker 2: Apparently people's rent and that's why.

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Speaker 3: I have no broken bags. Oh my god, speaking of I let her trying to embarrass me. Today, there was a girl here. She had on a full Gucci outfit. I was like, Wow, a nice outfit. She was like, Orlando said, you own this outfit. I was like, I don't own any Gucci. He's like, you don't own that outfit.

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Speaker 1: I was like, no, Why did you think she owned that outfit?

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Speaker 4: You've seen it?

00:11:04
Speaker 3: No, because you're buying me a Gucci or Burken bags, Which bring us back to the conversation, do we even go together?

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Speaker 4: We stop? She know my dreams and might get some, you know.

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Speaker 3: Unfortunately, Dannian turned into a very hard gangster with tattoos on his face, so he didn't have the same hold on me as an adult. Seventh grade seventh grade though, it was crazy, I know, but I just you know, I think a lot of the internet couples that we see are always like very over the top and annoying. And I also notice a lot of the couple's content is no offense you guys.

00:11:39
Speaker 8: It's very Christian.

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Speaker 3: It's very wholesome and Christian, and I sometimes I can't relate, you know, because it's always like putting a Bible verse in there.

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Speaker 8: So I just figured, we what what content is?

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Speaker 1: Are you being fed?

00:11:51
Speaker 8: I'm telling you, I get fed a lot of couples content.

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Speaker 2: We're trying to fuck with you. The Christian content, couples content is in your algorithm.

00:11:58
Speaker 8: Yeah.

00:11:58
Speaker 4: Interesting, Actually I know what you're talking about.

00:12:02
Speaker 5: That.

00:12:02
Speaker 1: I do know what you mean. I just didn't know.

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Speaker 2: I see the wholesomeness I see, but I think that's like there's a mix of wholesome normal and perhaps you know people.

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Speaker 6: I just don't necessarily like it because it's like it's always leaving it up to God. There's never really any real work or really advice to do. It's just yeah, because you know, things were bad and then we prayed. It's like, no, you communicated, you spoke, you had hard conversations, you brought things that are forefront, and you know, you breathe an ice theired and then things got a little bit better. But it's never really any real work or advice like that. It's just you know, pick out a Bible verse and I'm.

00:12:39
Speaker 2: Gonna let you know right now that they didn't breathe an ice stair. I'm going to let you know that most people are not breathing in ice stair.

00:12:45
Speaker 6: They didn't do that. Instead of oh okay, I.

00:12:47
Speaker 1: Was saying that would be great. I think more people need to do that.

00:12:50
Speaker 4: They need to do Yeah, yeah, it's terrible.

00:12:53
Speaker 3: Anyway, as you guys know, we were hosting couples Are Treat in June. We are a couple Tanto Retreat. It's in Costa Rica. It's our second home. It's gonna be warm and sexy and bomb and we're gonna do a lot of sexy shit there. So I figured a better place to talk about the ins and outs of our relationship.

00:13:12
Speaker 5: Yes, beautiful experience.

00:13:18
Speaker 8: Didn't you guys just hit it? One year anniversary? How does that feel? Guys?

00:13:22
Speaker 9: It feels good. It feels good. It feels like it's been longer. But we're also not rushing, so we purposely move slow.

00:13:31
Speaker 2: I think that's nice, not like lesbians.

00:13:39
Speaker 8: Yeah, one year and lesbians is like seven hundred years. Yeah, it's like seven years yeah.

00:13:44
Speaker 1: I think.

00:13:45
Speaker 2: I mean I shared about this on the podcast too early on, that we entered into our relationship in celibacy and in an understanding that we were going to really get to know one another outside of that and build intimate see in other ways, how was that for you? Yeah?

00:14:04
Speaker 1: How was that?

00:14:05
Speaker 2: How was I mean, I've shared what it was like for me, but what was like that? What was that like for you? In this relationship?

00:14:10
Speaker 5: Celibacy was fun? It was fun because celibacy, by yourself sucks.

00:14:16
Speaker 2: I'll say that, I mean because you were already on a celibacy journey for almost a year before.

00:14:21
Speaker 5: Yeah.

00:14:21
Speaker 9: And and by suck, I mean I think we're both very We both have very high sex drives. And the reason why I was celibate was so that I can find a way I was attempting to master redirecting my sexual energy into a creative force, and I was learning really good things, having a good time. But then there's other parts of it that you would like to experience. And so I had a great time in the beginning because I felt like we were experimenting with every possible thing first, and I think we verbalized like we prioritized experimenting with everything first, and it was fun.

00:14:56
Speaker 5: It was like an adventure.

00:14:57
Speaker 9: It was a little exploration of my patience of my own willingness. I don't know how to expand on that, my own willingness, like just being willing to do things, even with Iri being willing to play. And the whole beginning of that was just fun experiencing what I was willing to do. And then when we finally decided to do it, it was intentional. We fasted before. I think that's really important.

00:15:21
Speaker 8: Fast.

00:15:22
Speaker 9: Yeah, we did a water fast for seven days. That was before we decided to consecrate that.

00:15:27
Speaker 8: Why do you think that was important?

00:15:28
Speaker 9: Because not only did we go on a journey together in the fast, we went on a journey together. But I think it's important because I know I purposely cleansed everybody out of me to the best of my ability before offering myself to.

00:15:44
Speaker 5: You in that way.

00:15:45
Speaker 9: So I know we can't completely rid ourselves of all of our experiences, and nor do we want to. But I wanted to get rid of as much cook and muck and leftover so that I can go into this freeman.

00:15:58
Speaker 5: And I did it. I came do this for free, so it felt good. I loved it.

00:16:01
Speaker 4: So you're born in virgin.

00:16:05
Speaker 8: It popped my cherry and I was a virgin again.

00:16:10
Speaker 6: You know, we might be a good for for this, like couples, true, because me and Mila hit it off zero.

00:16:15
Speaker 4: To one hundred.

00:16:17
Speaker 3: First of all, I want to make sure that's a celibacy is funds.

00:16:25
Speaker 1: They were definitely no. I really enjoyed it. I highly recommend.

00:16:29
Speaker 2: I've talked about it endlessly, how important it was for our relationship and how it's been.

00:16:33
Speaker 1: Important even like I've done, I've had done.

00:16:35
Speaker 2: I've been celibate before this, and that was also important, But this was different because before I was celibate, not necessarily it was for myself, and obviously when we did it, it was for ourselves individually, but it was also for this entity that we've created.

00:16:51
Speaker 1: You know, me and Mela talk about our.

00:16:53
Speaker 2: Entity that we have America, and shir Ken and I have an entity as well that we've created, and like, I think that when we wanted to consecrated and really create the foundation of it, I wanted it to be a clean slate, you know, or at least try my best. I think I'm I'm not the perfect person. I'm sure that I've brought up ship from the past that has nothing to do with you, and I think as women like and men, I think mostly women that I think women do this the most is like where they bring things up from the past, like I'm just you know, would you agree that? Would you agree that women usually not your past like bringing other things like.

00:17:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I didn't. I wanted to try.

00:17:33
Speaker 2: My best to really give this relationship and this this entity, this thing that we've created like a complete fair shot of just like purenessship, the relationships.

00:17:57
Speaker 8: Funk your palate, palate selibacy is the ginger of relationships.

00:18:04
Speaker 3: It's interesting you say that, though, because I just recently sent Orlando a real about It was about preparing for pregnancy, and a lot of the times a woman is always thinking like that you have to prepare because you're carrying the baby. But this this reel was like basically saying that there are certain conditions in pregnancy that come from the sperm. Like for when it set out to me, it was preclamsya because that's what happened in my first pregnancy, in my first delivery. So I was like, huh, they're like before if my if my woman can give a nine month period where she's building and they're like having to be in this certain like alignment for this child nine months. Then the year before that is the responsibility of the cleansing of the man. So that once we do take and think I do, I've been like I've I've recognized in this iteration of child bearing years, my latter years, that there's a preparation that I want to have with my body, like physically and obviously spiritually too that I'm more like in tune with because I already have a kid that I didn't have a lot of preparation for. But I never considered it, and like I didn't really consider them having to do ship before having a baby. Really, I was just putting it on the pressure on myself. But then I mean even yeah, because the sperm is very like life giving and then I yeah, but to apply that to taking it into a new relationship is you know, that's elevate, Like that makes sense.

00:19:22
Speaker 4: I try to cleanse myself befo a relationship that's a lie kind of episodic we have here we're supposed to be to save face.

00:19:33
Speaker 6: Baby, no, no, no, for real, I started, like the main girls that i'm talking to. I start let them know, like, not be around as much, not gonna be answering calls as much.

00:19:41
Speaker 2: Good morning, not a ghoster, you're you're.

00:19:46
Speaker 6: These the situationships, I don't let them know there's a main one. Start posting her more on stories, let them know what top of time.

00:19:52
Speaker 5: I was really honest, I'm watching. I'm seeing it the whole time. I'm watching.

00:19:56
Speaker 6: Yes, I do it every time. Every time about to start a relationship, I start acting a certain way. I start going from a hole to a husband mentality, start thinking of like flowers and stuff.

00:20:05
Speaker 8: I start thinking flowers.

00:20:07
Speaker 6: Ideas, where can we go in the city, Like all the things have to start coming up. I started prepping myself for a relationship. Then boom, my husband again.

00:20:13
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm really interested in this. As we're on this topic of preparation for relationship, I think that obviously to me, this is a surprise. But no, no, I recognize that. But I don't think a lot of women get the opportunity to hear from the perspective of men, all that that requires and how how that looks. I think there's most women think that if they're going to be in a relationships.

00:20:37
Speaker 4: You look like you got some good to say. That's your camera.

00:20:42
Speaker 5: Listen, do you want a list?

00:20:46
Speaker 8: Go ahead please, This is the list of preparation.

00:20:49
Speaker 4: All right.

00:20:50
Speaker 9: We're going to go back and forth on a checklist of things you have to check off before you even decide to pursue a woman because you might end up wasting her time and your money. So yourtrong number one, learn how to clean yourself.

00:21:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, you would think that standard standard taking no steps.

00:21:12
Speaker 8: If they don't, they think they know.

00:21:13
Speaker 1: When you clean yourself to me, like your dick or ye.

00:21:15
Speaker 8: Ye, yeah, I was thinking physically.

00:21:17
Speaker 6: Like your nails, wash clean under my fingernails, Wash your hands more because that's the can.

00:21:21
Speaker 1: We also add teeth also, all right.

00:21:28
Speaker 9: I'm talking still hearing from some of my homegirls that niggas don't know how to floss properly. Okay, so we need to rethink the lotion we're wearing. It's no more jerggons, my brothers. Listen, you're a king, you deserve that shade. But okay, I'm gonna go with that first hygiene washing your bed sheets, right, No, want to wash your clothes, you know, throwing away all the ship yes, okay, just number one.

00:21:51
Speaker 4: Okay, my first thing is exercise number two. This is this is the person.

00:21:56
Speaker 8: Stamina.

00:21:56
Speaker 6: I'm gonna have to stamina and specifically stand up because this is the person. It's not like I'm just in and out one nice stands. I could fuck around and like maybe have a bad nice whatever. She's not gonna be around. I'm never gonna see her again. It's not gonna happen. This person's gonna be around all the time. So I need to be on tip top shape to deliver and perform. And exercise is really the one hit the elliptical. That's really that's really to go to fifteen minutes before you work out five.

00:22:18
Speaker 4: Minutes after because you never know.

00:22:19
Speaker 3: We're gonna read a podcast and then he's gonna ask you did you come last night? And then you tell the truth and say no, and then he's gonna be really mad.

00:22:29
Speaker 8: That never happened. I'm just saying, just in case it happened. Number three SIPs tea slowly.

00:22:39
Speaker 9: Number three read a diverse amount books, and I don't think it has to be serious. I don't think it has to be self help, because after three of them are all saying the same thing. Fucking believe in yourself, know yourself, and do it yourself all right. Outside of that, read a fucking novel. Expand your imagination. It might help with read fun things, read poetry, read read, read philosophy, expand your funk.

00:23:06
Speaker 1: Nig just read, please read, just read a book.

00:23:08
Speaker 5: Read read.

00:23:09
Speaker 3: So it doesn't have to be love centered, or I mean, I would appreciate. You know, when me and Orlando first started dating, he read a book called every Man's Marriage, and I thought it was a little serious from the beginning of a relationship with the n it was a good Christian book, and I thought it was a little serious, but I also respected it. Look look at this man reading a good Christian how to Become a Husband's book. So it kind of implied to me that he was.

00:23:30
Speaker 1: Preparing for something that mattered.

00:23:33
Speaker 3: And I think if we were taking a test in school, or you know, if something important was coming up, like an sat if you wanted to get into that college, you would prepare with your inner knowledge and so in your wisdom. And so I think in adulthood there's many things, there's lots less things that challenge us to prepare to pour into and so we lose the idea of gaining knowledge and tolerance or you know, like all of those things in order to prepare. But it's like having a baby, like we just said, super important, right, how to be prepared for that. If you plan on being married, it being a long term relationship, again important, how to prepare for that. But we just think we're fucking just find winging it. And then now your kids ten and you're trying to figure out how to say no because you didn't read the books before you had the baby. So yes, I agree with book reading.

00:24:21
Speaker 4: My next one's kind of like a two parter.

00:24:23
Speaker 6: The first part of this is, wherever you are financially in alive, plan on making more money when you're about to get in that relationship, or if you're in a relationship, plan on trying to somehow some way make more money financially. It's a money driven world. But the other part about this is plan that vacation because I feel like a vacation is a fast track to finding out if you can be with this person because it puts you in a lot of this is different scenarios outside of your comfort zone, and then you have to see if you and your partner can then operate within this space that is both.

00:24:57
Speaker 4: New to both of y'all.

00:24:58
Speaker 3: I do agree with that environment just you two. So then there are challenges that may come up, and then you can see if your problem skills problem solving skills together.

00:25:08
Speaker 6: Every single vacation I've ever done has ended tragically except for Jamila, and that's how I knew the shoes my person.

00:25:16
Speaker 2: I mean, I think that's also like for people that are considering coming on the trip and think, oh, I'm just like just started dating someone, this is actually the perfect place to come and test out and see if this is if this is right, if it feels good, if you guys can adventure together, if you guys can, like you said, problem solve together, if you can have fun together, if your interests are similar, and if they're not, are you open to expanding your interest for your partner and being open to and being open.

00:25:43
Speaker 3: This would even be like a good first trip. I think sometimes people think couples are treating.

00:25:47
Speaker 1: WHOA, they think I'd be married, like.

00:25:50
Speaker 3: It almost like it's couples counseling now, but it's not. It's like a group trip, but it's also grounded in having fun, deepening intimacy and connection. So if you're early on in your relationship, like super early, like me and Orlando. When we met four weeks later, we went to a different country for a week.

00:26:06
Speaker 8: Not knowing each other at all.

00:26:08
Speaker 3: It's crazy idea, I thought, But it ended up being one of the best things we could have done because immediately I was like, you're my travel boyfriend. But I think that people put people overthink pouring into your relationship in the beginning, because that already tells the universe. I don't even know if it's gonna work versus like, what are we both here for. Let's just do something crazy and like invest in going on a trip and doing something fun together.

00:26:31
Speaker 9: Well, I think most times people think of those investments that are a couple thousand dollars a lot five days, and they think it has to be put into something that's always supposed to last forever. Every big investment is supposed to be in the one that lasts forever. And the truth is, you don't know who the fuck or what the fuck is gonna last forever. And if you can just accept that and receive that every opportunity has medicine in it that's gonna last you forever. Then it doesn't matter who the fuck you're with right now. And if you're within five years down the line and you're still doing some of the practices we give you, that's great. And if not, and if you're using it for somebody else, but you needed this person to prove to yourself that you could do it, we need these things too. So yeah, allow the levity to be in vacation, and that's important.

00:27:14
Speaker 6: And you could always learn something because those women that didn't work out. I definitely learned something and applied to my relationship with Jimihilla in the beginning, because I knew nothing about brunch. Not yeah, this girl put me on to brunch. She was a terrible girlfriend, but she put me on too.

00:27:32
Speaker 8: I knew nothing about over.

00:27:34
Speaker 6: No no, I slept the first night me and Mila met. I slept over and I looked at her and I was like, you want to go to.

00:27:40
Speaker 8: Brunch the first meal of the day. That's where the bitch talked. You bitches loved to eat in the morning.

00:27:45
Speaker 4: That's what she said. I was like, you want to go to brunch, went to brunch and there's a perfect start to the day.

00:27:49
Speaker 8: Honestly, he ordered me the steak and eggs, and I was like, oh, he's not cheap either, and then I said, okay, I'll go to the beach with you.

00:27:59
Speaker 6: Yeah, and men, men got to get back to peacocking in the beginning. Like you know how birds when they try to get a mate, they start doing them dances, birds trying to show it off.

00:28:09
Speaker 3: Can you insert one of those those bird mating.

00:28:19
Speaker 8: They do those for hours.

00:28:20
Speaker 3: Yeah, the men need to go this is this is about primal relationship dating.

00:28:24
Speaker 8: They did a dance for hours. The birds many species.

00:28:27
Speaker 6: Okay, go back to men like showing off for their partner, not just showing off because they want the Instagram likes and all the things like buying a whole bedroom of flowers because they want to put it on Instagram. Show off just for specifically one person and then let everything just fall into place.

00:28:43
Speaker 4: But that's when we need to get into.

00:28:44
Speaker 6: Men are sitting here with the table in front of them asking women to bring stuff like this is crazy, this is madness. What happened to what we used to do for the women to show off that we actually wanted them and how bad we wanted them. And we need to get back to begging. Yeah, I don't know about begging verbally, but we need to beg with your actions.

00:29:03
Speaker 4: Again, that was a good cash player.

00:29:07
Speaker 6: But that's just me specifically and how I think and how I want to go about things. But we're waiting here, sitting here and expecting people to just bring things that will complete each other instead of just having an experience together and just enjoying enjoying each other's presence and whatever comes with comes with it.

00:29:25
Speaker 3: You know, I'd like to say to just to tag onto that about the begging. You know, as a former hot girl in the streets, what I will say is I always said, and I thought this was going to protect me forever to ever having to commit, was a man is going to have to make it so clear and obvious that he wants to be with me, because I would never be the one to like really aggressively pursue, because I always, even as as modern as I am, I always feel like it was a man's duty to kind of do the pursuit. And because I knew so many niggas were not going to do it, I was just like safe. I was like, I'm never going to ask this nigga what we're doing here. But honestly, most of the niggas I ever dated, including Orlando, said so what are we doing here? Where are we moving into anything?

00:30:16
Speaker 8: And I was like, oh, the men were doing that to you the other way around.

00:30:20
Speaker 4: Yeah.

00:30:20
Speaker 3: Always, it was not my mo to even ask this question because that was how I protected myself from ever having to have any commitment. And every time someone did, I was like fuck, and then I would like kind of get into a relationship. But the truth is because it was like a protection mechanism because I think a lot of men don't stand on business and say, most men are not like I want to be in a relationship. So it kind of if you were a hot girl like me, it kind of saves you from ever having to like take the dive in. I don't really have to stop sleeping with anybody else. I don't have to stop dating because we didn't even have the conversation because I'm not bringing it up and I know this man is not going to because he's just a man. But when it's real, a man is going to do all the things by doing the bird dance.

00:31:03
Speaker 8: And so that is why we're.

00:31:05
Speaker 3: Here with both our men with in a relationship because Orlando was very clear and committed, and even though we were on lots of mushrooms when he asked me, so, what are we doing here? And I was like, nothing, what are you talking about. We're doing mushrooms, That's what we're doing here. He's like, but you know, like, you know, what do you see us? What do you see for us in the future? And I said, Babe, I saw you sleep with like four girls at that sex party last night. I don't think we're headed for any future. But then he realized quickly that wasn't a good move, and he continued continued and continued, and continued to.

00:31:40
Speaker 4: Be very.

00:31:43
Speaker 3: Fourth right, persistent and forth right about what did he wanted, and that was what Finally I was like, Okay, I'm not going to be a bitch.

00:31:51
Speaker 8: I'm going to start shifting too.

00:31:53
Speaker 3: But I really needed someone to like pull me by the hand and say, yeah, bitch, this is the way we're going.

00:31:58
Speaker 6: Yeah, don't worry about all the mothers girls I was bird dancing for I'm bird dancing for you right now.

00:32:04
Speaker 8: I think, is what kind of backwood is this?

00:32:06
Speaker 1: That is the aromatic la?

00:32:10
Speaker 8: Oh wow?

00:32:12
Speaker 2: Yes, this is for the la babies, And it I know I was, I was gonna bite that off very aggressively, but I didn't know if that was sexy or not. Yeah, I've been I've been smoking these aromatic ones lately because because you're nice, I got a peck. They're smooth, right, and they're limited edition.

00:32:31
Speaker 1: I think they are limited to edition, just like you look in the back.

00:32:34
Speaker 8: It's a limited Yes, you're right, limited edition, just like me. Okay, sorry to interrupt, you keep going.

00:32:40
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, I.

00:32:41
Speaker 2: Think with me and she Cam it was it was similar, but it wasn't like I think because I had just coming out come out of a relationship and I was really like, I don't.

00:32:52
Speaker 8: Know, I was.

00:32:54
Speaker 2: I was a bit damaged, traumatized, traumatize and not damaged, but I I was raw, I would say. And he was gently persistent, and I, like I told you, like early on, I didn't even know he was pursuing me because I was just like, he's just nice and he's nice and he wants He keeps asking me to do things every time. Every time we're together, he asks when we're going to see each other and makes the date like right then and there, and I needed that. I really I didn't think that's what I needed, but I did need someone that was consistent and and I think that that I guess pecocking or whatever you want to call it, or just the pursuit. The pursuit looks different for every man, right, Like your pursuit is different than his pursuit.

00:33:50
Speaker 3: His pursuit was soft. You know, for a year, I was fucking around. I moved a man in the dog in for a couple of months and then he was just like, bitch, i'll call you back. And I tried to break up with him and he said, I'll call you back. You know, So there is there's different styles in what you can be. What I mean, yeah, pursue. But I do think for the feminine, we need the masculine to lead and to.

00:34:12
Speaker 8: Say I'm choosing you.

00:34:13
Speaker 3: We need to hear that I'm choosing you and I want you and like, I don't care what you're talking about, because bitches are going to talk because we're going to test you, because it's in our DNA to be like how about now?

00:34:24
Speaker 8: How about now?

00:34:25
Speaker 3: And I know most men are going to hear this and be like very irritated by me saying this. But I think that it's a part of our job to kind of know that you have tolerance and you have the drive to pursue me, and after one you know one thing, it's not going to just falter and you're going to go to the next bitch. Because there are a lot of bitches, and there's more beautiful bitches in us and more beautiful bitches in them. And so I think when you choose someone, it has to be so verbal and out loud.

00:34:48
Speaker 8: You can't be like, well, I gave you flaw. It was two days in a week. You know, you got to be like, hey, bitch, you're mine. I want you to know I want to work on this.

00:34:58
Speaker 1: Do you think that most men know that?

00:35:02
Speaker 5: First of all, I think most men should hear what you just said. I don't.

00:35:07
Speaker 9: I think most men may know it innately. I think men who are pursuing women that they see a future with will find ways to verbalize it from where they're at. I think I choose you as a beautiful thing to say. You know, so, I'm curious I'm going to answer that question whether most men know that.

00:35:25
Speaker 5: I'm not sure. I think we innately know. You guys have to be.

00:35:28
Speaker 9: Taken seriously, But what does it make you, guys feel like when a man says that, why is it those words that.

00:35:33
Speaker 5: It's just said something.

00:35:34
Speaker 2: The first word that came to mind is it disarms me. It's there's like a there's a wall that immediately goes.

00:35:40
Speaker 1: Dirt dirt, dirt, dirt.

00:35:41
Speaker 3: That we we are, that we innately already have around us because it's a protective army.

00:35:46
Speaker 2: So when hearing those words is extremely.

00:35:51
Speaker 1: Impactful.

00:35:52
Speaker 2: It's important and it does like I remember, I remember when you said it.

00:35:56
Speaker 1: I can I remember exactly where we were. We're in the car in front of your.

00:35:59
Speaker 2: House, and I think I was like I would think, I was like because I was confused, not confused, but what.

00:36:05
Speaker 8: Are these words?

00:36:14
Speaker 2: And you said that I'm choosing you, I want to be with you, I'm choosing you. And immediately there was like a rush of relief that came over that there was no more confusion.

00:36:24
Speaker 1: It was just exactly and.

00:36:26
Speaker 2: The confusion was on my own. It wasn't because of anything that you had done.

00:36:29
Speaker 1: It it was me.

00:36:30
Speaker 2: It was like me, I think needing that and also never receiving it, and from anybody really, it's always been like just I guess insinuated, or it's like, yeah, we're together now, you know. And I think hearing those words from you was like, it's like a rapid healing for me in this relationship. And I think so many women feel the same way. And I think even women that have been in long term relationships are sometimes even confused whether they've been chosen. They're like, I know we're I'm here, but like, how did we get here? Like are you still choosing me in this.

00:37:11
Speaker 1: Version of who I am right now? Because there's going to.

00:37:14
Speaker 2: Be more choosing that has to happen beyond the first time, I think throughout your relationship, because hopefully you're always growing and hopefully you're always expanding, and hopefully that person is you know, going to stay eye to eye with you in the moments where like maybe you guys are growing at different stages, but they're going to say I'm still choosing you. I'm still choosing you. And so I think it's the first one is important. But I think now that I've received it, I know and that and you know, we're a year into our relationship, but I know that I will probably need that multiple times throughout our journey.

00:37:48
Speaker 4: If I can answer your question.

00:37:50
Speaker 3: I think she's a question to us about what does that make us feel?

00:37:54
Speaker 8: Like that oh that we need that.

00:37:59
Speaker 2: I asked him that, and then he asked us what does that feel like to us?

00:38:04
Speaker 1: When it's on it's said, Oh.

00:38:06
Speaker 3: I was gonna say one more thing before you go, I was gonna say, I think it's the beginning of safety. It creates a container that feels safe. Like, oh, he's telling me he chooses me, so then like yes, I can disarm. And also like it's the beginning of like you know, when you get into a plane and then you start taking shoes off, and then like you get into like a long road trip, but you got to kind of get situated, put your cut down, make sure you got the blanket, like you like, putting your seatbelt on, and then you're like, you know, putting the you're putting the rear view of the garage is going up, and you're like, now you can drive.

00:38:39
Speaker 8: You know.

00:38:40
Speaker 3: It's like women really need a level of safety. And actually, adventure Bay gave me that analogy about getting in the car, putting your seatbelt on and like getting situated before you start driving. And he was like, even though he was not my person, he was someone who did make me feel safe in that space, and that was like me, I recognize that that I'm choosing you is like the beginning of like, oh, okay, you know, and then starting this journey.

00:39:07
Speaker 2: I felt lighter immediately after I drove off. I think I dropped you off, and then I remember getting driving for my car and be like okay, we got that out of the way, out of the way. But like once that's clear, like okay, now let's start another Yeah, let's start living in this new chapter.

00:39:24
Speaker 8: Like let's you know, so, okay, what were we gonna say, Babe?

00:39:28
Speaker 4: Sorry, no, I was gonna say that.

00:39:30
Speaker 6: I don't know if men necessarily like no it, but they start to once they see an example of it, that's when they know. Right, Like for me, I always saw a bad example, so I just knew like what not to do. But once I saw an example of like how to go about loving a woman and how to go about showing a person that you really want them, that's when I automatically knew how I wanted to go about it.

00:39:53
Speaker 9: Say, for instance, my brother, can I interject to me, I ask you a question? Yeah, just for the young kings out there, how does man show a woman that they're interested in them, because I think in the beginning, as little boys, we play and we push them to the ground because our lack of verbal ability, you know, it disables us from being able to verbalize it properly. And then so but surely as we learn how to talk, still don't really ever break that barrier.

00:40:18
Speaker 5: So was that a red shirt?

00:40:23
Speaker 4: All right? Right?

00:40:24
Speaker 5: Just for the kings out there?

00:40:25
Speaker 6: So all right, So my mom and my dad they had like a very bad relationship. So I was used to say, like, oh, as long as I do the opposite of them, then like I'll be fine. But it didn't necessarily like translate because I didn't know actually what to do.

00:40:38
Speaker 4: I was just doing the opposite. That was what I saw.

00:40:40
Speaker 6: But then when I had a Auden uncle who were madly in love with each other, and he was the first one to let me know, like, oh, my woman can go out and wear whatever she wants because I know she's still loyal and loves me and she's coming back here where as before. But like, my woman can't go out wear all that. My woman can't go out late at night. And he would be like, regardless of whatever she does, I'm still gonna love her. And that's when I first understood a new unconditional love. Then I had to figure out how that works and translates for me. So like I'm not the type to like wait for a woman's wall to come down.

00:41:12
Speaker 4: I'll just climb the wall. I'll climb the one right big wall.

00:41:15
Speaker 6: All right, all right, I love you and I'm here now and I And then that's when I learned from myself that I showed love by like example. Right first time me and Mila hung out, we slept over and we just shrooms. I was just like I just I say whatever comes to me. So I would look at her just I was rubbing her, and I was like, I'm your blessing.

00:41:38
Speaker 4: Climb the big wall. I'm your blessing.

00:41:39
Speaker 6: If I made it this far, I mean something to you.

00:41:44
Speaker 4: But my whole thing is always.

00:41:46
Speaker 6: To like motes and crocodiles. My whole thing is always like being an example, and like I'm gonna say that I'm your blessing, and then I'm going to show you how many different ways like I can bless you, and then you choose to go about it however you want to go about it. Do you want to really take on this blessing, or you want to just keep your wall up and then just figure it out with somebody else. But guess what, I just climbed the wall. I showed you I can climb the wall. And then that was just always my way. And then after that was because I saw my own and uncle have this like unconditional love. I just exemplified it unconditional love in my own way by letting her know, whatever you do, I will still love you. So I didn't. I didn't. I don't have a way of like, hey, these are the steps to go about, and this is how you're supposed to show love.

00:42:33
Speaker 4: But I knew once.

00:42:34
Speaker 6: I saw what it looked like to love a woman, I knew how to put it in my own words.

00:42:41
Speaker 3: That's crazy that for boys, the default is you can't let it whereever she wants, she can't go out too late with her friends. Like that's the programming you already come with, and it's until you literally see.

00:42:50
Speaker 4: It see somebody else, cause you're already.

00:42:51
Speaker 3: A free, pretty free, laid back guy. But they're like, oh, I don't have to trip about that. Yeah, you can be chilling and everybody's Okay, you know what I mean, Like you kind of you have to have seen it to know that, oh that's what I want to do as a child, and as your brain develops, it's true, we need kind of like the visual there were like I don't know, There's been certain times in my life where I've seen women stay wild and have kind of like wild men, and I identified with that, like she's kind of launching, so is he.

00:43:15
Speaker 8: It's kind of works.

00:43:16
Speaker 3: But if I hadn't seen that, I would have always believed that I had to tighten up.

00:43:21
Speaker 8: In order to be worthy, you know what I mean.

00:43:23
Speaker 3: So I had a clear vision because in little glimpses you don't really see that on like a comedy a family comedy show at night or something like that. But there are certain things that you can like as you grew up, you remember you're taking plays out of everybody else's.

00:43:36
Speaker 6: Book, and you got to you gotta look at the relationships that are like outwardly obviously happy, not the ones that are just tolerating each other. And that's the difference people think, because you know, they begins been together for a long time and they're just tolerrating each other.

00:43:49
Speaker 4: For a long time.

00:43:49
Speaker 8: No, that's just the narrative that we.

00:43:51
Speaker 6: Lengthiness of the relationship, right, It's not about the length of relationship, like within that time, what have you done? Like have you gone on a lot of vacations together?

00:43:57
Speaker 4: Have you?

00:43:58
Speaker 6: Do you when you see this this couple together, is it like they're together but they argue together, your an uncles together for a long time, but they argument or is like now I love that man over there, that's that's mine, Like, that's the kind of relationship that I like try to exemplify and pay attention to. And we don't necessarily see a lot of that. We just see lengthy relationships, but not like outward loving relationships. You like that, right, Give me for that one.

00:44:32
Speaker 8: Yeah, we went on. We just dropped a lot of gems, you guys, and now we're high.

00:44:37
Speaker 4: Yeah. I tried my best out here to be my best.

00:44:40
Speaker 3: Are there are there any particular things outside of him telling you I choose you that you remember just for actionable things for people who are like I haven't seen that. Give me some examples that like outside of I choose you, like actions or things or like a pivotal moment in relationship where you were like that weight was lifted and you're like, oh way, huh.

00:45:02
Speaker 8: You know, like mm hmm um.

00:45:07
Speaker 1: There's been a lot of moments. I mean there's been.

00:45:10
Speaker 2: I think Chackem's if you can't tell, his energy is very calming, and so I think the way that Shakhem has been able to be my eye like the middle of a storm, like in chaos, no matter what, Like when I see him and I witness him and he walks into a room, like everything kind of like grounds me down. I feel like he has been kind of like a nervous system reset in human form for me, which is not something I've never experienced before. If anything, it's been the exact opposite. It's been like really disturbing to my.

00:45:46
Speaker 1: Or or or fleeting. I'm trying to think of this particular moment.

00:45:55
Speaker 6: Hmm.

00:45:55
Speaker 2: I'm high. You're putting me on the spot, say do you have any moments?

00:46:00
Speaker 1: But maybe I'm not thinking I'm come on through that.

00:46:03
Speaker 6: I mean I agree with you on the comment and nervous. He definitely comes my nervous. He's my space partner.

00:46:09
Speaker 4: We can take him right.

00:46:11
Speaker 6: But I can see it because I'm loud when I play spades and he don't say a word, and I'm.

00:46:16
Speaker 4: Like, perfect, he's my balance.

00:46:21
Speaker 6: But I can see it's really I can see how like the presence of energy is like always there, and it's it's it's like you're sure.

00:46:33
Speaker 4: Yeah, you come off as a very sure man.

00:46:36
Speaker 6: And there's a lot of men out here that not really are really just winging it and taking the advice of the ancestors or toxic advice of their like the men before them, and they really aren't as sure about what they're about to do or the decision they make. But you, when you it's not about the man coming to you and saying like I choose you or whatever. It's the sureness that you feel behind it that lets you know, like, oh he means it's never.

00:46:59
Speaker 8: Word he said, there's no uncertainty. Yeah, And it's usually something very minor.

00:47:03
Speaker 3: I think I was just dropping a little off to school and I'm be hung up with the phone and I was just I don't know. It was like even before he lives here, and I was like, I don't have anything to worry about this Naka tells me everything. And I was like, this is a crazy feeling, so weird. I was like, so weird, I don't feel I got off the phone. I don't even feel I don't even feel anything. I don't you know, Like I'm so used to being a relationship. I'm like that it is lying or like something's just not that it is, something doesn't feel settled. I'm always wondering, am I like?

00:47:31
Speaker 8: Am I like? Does he like me?

00:47:32
Speaker 3: Or is there something else? Like I'm so used to having that feeling with men in general.

00:47:37
Speaker 8: I was like, I've I noticed it. I was like, huh, this is crazy.

00:47:41
Speaker 2: I feel like she comes inquiry is always is something that made me know that, Like he asked me, He's asked me so many questions, Like he's genuinely very he's a very curious person, as am I. But he's genuinely curious about me, and he wants to know me. And I think I've been in a lot of relationships that where the other person was doing a lot of fucking talking most of the time, And that's that's that's also like tells me informs me of like the what I was choosing in that in that moment or in those those years of dating in my life where I almost wanted a man to not ask me like I didn't. I didn't even know if I had the answer until I was asked. And so I think there's that that has also been I think a true teller that I'm safe and that this is my person.

00:48:35
Speaker 1: And also I.

00:48:36
Speaker 2: Remember in Costa Rica there was a time on the on facetiming you were I don't know what we were talking about, but you said like, I'm I'm here to like show you that that's not here anymore, like I'm changing that for you, like you can trust that this is a safe space for you, and I'm here to show you that. And I was just like what I got off the phone, I was like, this man just tell me he's going to prove all these niggas wrong.

00:49:03
Speaker 1: Is that what he just said? He just thinks about to prove all these niggas wrong?

00:49:06
Speaker 4: Right?

00:49:09
Speaker 9: My goal is to prove your intuition right, because I know that there's certain things that y'all grow up knowing that you deserve, whether you saw it or not. And I think seeing embodied versions of it is important, like you said, and then sometimes it's not. It's like you have to figure that shit out because you know you're not wrong about it. So I appreciate your intuition for even allowing the space because a lot of women, I'm not gonna lie, a lot of women are not even in space of fertility like that, they're in another space. They're in the space of healing and like they should be focused on themselves and still.

00:49:45
Speaker 5: Trying to date. And you have space for me.

00:49:48
Speaker 9: So I appreciate the work that you did and the space that you create for me to even.

00:49:52
Speaker 5: Show up that way, because you could have just told me to fuck off in that room. So I appreciate you.

00:49:59
Speaker 9: It was can't prove everybody wrong, but if we could prove one thing right, it's that y'all's intuition is asking for things that y'all probably deserve.

00:50:08
Speaker 6: I said something something like that to me, though before moment she was a little bit more assertive.

00:50:12
Speaker 4: To her.

00:50:13
Speaker 6: She was just plaining about the relationships, plaining about something, and I told her, you're in love. You need to start acting like it, this relationship ship. You're in fucking love, act like you are.

00:50:29
Speaker 9: Well, I think we should mention how difficult it is to just completely switch a paradigm like that. Yeah, yeah, because you when you really really want a relationship. I feel like I knew what we wanted and we saw an opportunity. You're deciding every time you bring some bullshit into it, even if it's subconscious.

00:50:50
Speaker 5: And if we could create a safe place to be a brand new person.

00:50:54
Speaker 9: Back in the day, you could just skip town over and change your name.

00:50:57
Speaker 5: You're a brand new person.

00:50:58
Speaker 7: Change your birthday Charlie Brown, Arlie, Charlie Goodlie.

00:51:15
Speaker 4: Over two years ago.

00:51:19
Speaker 9: Like oh, ship, get over to South Carolina'll be a new nigga. We can decide to be like new people and new experiences with like manifesting the experiences of love we've.

00:51:30
Speaker 5: Seen in our head.

00:51:31
Speaker 9: We can really take opportunities to do that, but I don't know if a lot of people give themselves the space to do that.

00:51:37
Speaker 3: Also, like just the paradigm shift is like when you, like I said, I could like subconsciously committing that no one was coming with any type of thing I was going to be impressed with. So then I was like, I'm protecting myself by expecting very little from men in general. I knew I had no expectation because I didn't have a lot of faith in it, you know what I mean.

00:51:58
Speaker 8: But I think a.

00:51:59
Speaker 3: Lot of like even Eric and I have done a lot of work also not really realizing it on authenticity showing up as ourselves, and I think we underestimate how that's step one. If you are still struggling with how like showing up as yourself, then how can you pursue a romantic partner?

00:52:20
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

00:52:21
Speaker 3: And even though we put a lot of our shit on the table, it also gave space, like privately, we can't lie either. There's no way I can fight up with a boyfriend and be like, oh no, I slept with three people, you know. I was like, bitch, I just listened to two episodes and I heard about three people. So it's like we gave ourselves this gift of showing up as ourselves so that we manifested and attracted partners that were going to be accepting and loving of that and like also understanding because we've been fruitful in our entity like that, whoever comes and has to honor that.

00:52:55
Speaker 8: And protect that.

00:52:56
Speaker 3: And I think we've both been in relationships where people's like men try to like make comments about the way we show up and it is it's very public facing, but how how it felt like such a.

00:53:11
Speaker 8: Disrespect because.

00:53:13
Speaker 3: What it means to us and how like it's our purpose in ways and you could look at it at the very entertaining base level, but in the larger sense, our work is so deeply important for us because we feel like it's life changing. But if someone a partner comes and tries to like dim that, then it's very much like fuck now it's not going.

00:53:29
Speaker 1: To live, mind can't.

00:53:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, so's it's brought us to this point to find people who can hold all of that.

00:53:36
Speaker 8: So thank you both.

00:53:37
Speaker 6: Okay, yes, are you welcome, and thank you for holding me too, because I am a lot and.

00:53:42
Speaker 3: You know, and that's another level of that's another level of like acceptance, I think is which a stage in a relationship that has not spoken about a lot, which is the part where you're like, wow, it's it's I. You are a human being and there is a lot level of respect and compassion and love that I have to recognize that, like you're.

00:54:04
Speaker 1: Gonna human human, you're human.

00:54:07
Speaker 8: You're gonna be loud, you're gonna be boycious, maybe you'll be quiet, whatever it is. It's if I if it's not abriab when I want you to be in the moment.

00:54:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not up to me perfectly curating.

00:54:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not a perfectly curated, you know, person, and like neither are you. And I see there's so much of myself that I see in Orlando that is I have to shut the fuck up because I'm like, bitch, you be naked, bitch, you be this, you know, And it's like, if you're going to accept me in my wholeness, I have no choice but to accept you in your wholeness. But I have so rarely met a man who would accept me even in my two thirds noess that I didn't even have to, you know what I mean. But in this I'm like, damn, he is pretty flexible. Who also is gonna take me? He loves me, So there is a level of yeah, like a mirroring that has to happen. And like even if Erica and I like starting our our brand and a lot of our like our revival in life, this like rite of passage, which is good moms, I think is like us being like.

00:55:04
Speaker 8: We're going we don't need boyfriends. We're single moms.

00:55:07
Speaker 3: We're unsensitive, we're single me do what we want, you know, Like there's always been a kind of like a fuck you to the patriarchy that we've we've firmly, we've firmly like built a foundation, which was important, but that we're shifting and that it requires a softness and it requires a you know, just like making space for the masculine. We have created a lot of things together. And so you know, Orlando, I migrate like integrated into our worlds, like professionally and personally, which was a shift for us because we've been so hardcore, Like we're single moms. We could do everything, but I take our kids skiing, no men. We could do grocery shopping. We could do everything, you know. And so even when I was in love and he's like, bitch, act like you're in love, it's because I was in love but in ways really trying to like minimize it because I didn't even know how to show up happy and in love because I had lived so much like I'm alone and I am fine and I'm good. I don't anything, you know, and so like the having to for like months to be like what the fucker do you have an attitude about?

00:56:10
Speaker 8: Like you are happy, smile.

00:56:15
Speaker 3: It's crazy, but it's like if you don't see yourself in the happily ever after really truly, if you haven't visualized it, just like if you haven't seen a love that is something you'd like to replicate, how can we receive it? And it requires that I go inside myself and be like, bitch, you're tripping it. Look how hard it is for you to be happy, and like really sit in that and like what does that mean?

00:56:37
Speaker 8: Does that not mean?

00:56:38
Speaker 3: That means like I don't really feel like I deserve it? And that's truly what that means. If you can't really accept all that is good in your life, it's like you're not respecting the work that you've done. You're not respecting the healing that you've done, and so you're not going to respect the partner that the universe and God brings you. And so it's like you have to be able.

00:56:52
Speaker 8: To constantly grow and shed and grow and shed individually and in order to like understand that about another person into like hold it in one bed and one household.

00:57:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know anything about one household, but I will say though, I mean, obviously me and she can spend a lot of time together, but we also take space from one another, and I know, like that's you know, harder to do.

00:57:21
Speaker 1: When you are in one household. But I do think it is important.

00:57:23
Speaker 2: I think it's important for couples, even the health like the healthiest of ones, like to find comfortability in the missing, even because I long for him sometimes and in a good.

00:57:38
Speaker 1: And healthy way.

00:57:40
Speaker 2: And then like there are times where like he's like, I can't come over, Like today he told me he can't come over tonight, and I found myself go and then I was like, oh, but yeah, what am I gonna do tonight?

00:57:49
Speaker 1: What you gonna do with yourself tonight?

00:57:50
Speaker 4: Bitch?

00:57:51
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you're gonna, Yeah, you're gonna.

00:57:56
Speaker 2: And I just feel like I think the space, but also I think when you are together, making the time, And I think you and Orlando have done a really beautiful job of this throughout your relationship is finding the play and finding just the one on one alone time with each other. And I think a lot of times couples, if you're farther into your relationship you have kids, it feels harder and harder and more impossible, and literally you can make up every excuse and they feel valid as to why it's not a possibility at this point, you know, And so then you go on trips, but then you bring your kids because you feel bad, or you know, like you go on a date night but like you're talking about Johnny's homework that he failed, or you know, like you're still involving. You know, you're not really taking the time to really come back to one another. And I mean that's why this retreat too, is such an opportunity for couples who haven't made the space, don't even know where to start to come and like, first of all, just get away, unplugged, decompress, commit to saying Okay, we're going to do this for us, and that is it. We don't know what else we're doing this for, but we're doing this for us, and then coming and just being taken care of. I mean, me and Miela have done fourteen retreats, fourteen retreats at this point, and you know, as women obviously holding space for women like I see how powerful it is for people to step away from their regular scheduled programming and put their trust into this experience that they've said yes to. So as a couple saying yes to an experience together, I feel like there's even more power in that together because you guys are already syncd up whether or not you're struggling your relationship, whatever it might be. You guys have chosen one another, so you already have the spark. The spark is there even when you think it's died, Like it's there. But sometimes it really does take you deciding to say, Okay, we're going to do this for us, We're going to step into this new space, had this new experience, and just say yes collectively, because sometimes I feel like like maybe you're you're saying yes, he's saying no, like this back and forth, whether it's like the kids and like not agreeing on how to raise your kids, not agreeing what to have for dinner, not agreeing what to watch on TV, Like you need a collective yes in your relationship.

01:00:24
Speaker 8: And something that's new for both of you, and like fuck it. You know.

01:00:29
Speaker 6: One thing I really tried to like make it a very important that relationship is like the individuality. It's like I'm my person, you're your person. When we're together, we're our that's that's us together. That's a whole different thing. When Luna's around, that's a whole different thing. And so like that's why when we're hanging out together, it's just me and you. We're not parents, We're just two people that are in a relationship. And then we can like, I guess we're sort of kind of role playing is not parents, and so like we could really enjoy our time together and just focus on each other without worrying about anything else. That's like within the world and role playing is really are things, So like when we could really get into the like this feel of like, hey, when I'm by myself, I can really enjoy this time by myself and I can like miss you, And when you're by yourself, I don't want you thinking and worry about what I'm doing, which is also why I'd like to have like a lot of trust in our relationship, because I don't want you worrying about the relationship when you're when we're not even in a relationship space. And then when we're together in a relationship, then we're all about this relationship. We're diving into it one hundred percent and just enjoying the time we have without worrying about anything else in the world.

01:01:37
Speaker 5: Amen, not try, That's beautiful.

01:01:43
Speaker 9: Well, I want to ask what are some of the practices that you guys are looking forward to doing, Like, what are some practices that y'all do that you know for sure we're going to do out there.

01:01:54
Speaker 3: I think me and Orlando do like a lot of playing in general, and even I mean Erica and our retreats, we have a lot of focus on play, you know, like just really like resetting your nervous system.

01:02:04
Speaker 4: How much relationship is fun as fu Yeah, just like you can.

01:02:07
Speaker 8: Bringing the friendship back.

01:02:10
Speaker 3: So I know, we have like a lot of sexy ship plan like Glowing the Dark paint, night body paint. I know, we have some hand trick dinners where you can get blindfolded and future partner and just also like sorry, hey hey, and also like sexy assignments, you know, sending you home, sending you to your room with some work, homework, and you know.

01:02:35
Speaker 4: And.

01:02:37
Speaker 8: Oh, I just thought room work.

01:02:39
Speaker 3: I just thought about something that might be sexy too, like every night leaving different challenges on each in each person's room, or like just specific for them like whatever Skinny did at twelve am, you know, you know, or something like that.

01:02:56
Speaker 8: Yeah, challenges.

01:02:58
Speaker 3: But I'm really excited to just go onto this space and be able to share in the things that have worked in like deepening our relationship, and even like the fact that going to Tantra school in the beginning of our relationship, like literally that first trip we went on in Mexico for a month. We went on a trip for a month together in Mexico, like no kids, no friends, and it was like challenging in ways, but it was like at the end we felt like even when we got there, like, oh.

01:03:22
Speaker 8: My god, we did it. We got to be here for a month. We're such big kids.

01:03:26
Speaker 3: We planned it, you know, and like you know, getting pulled over together and like just how we navigate through certain things.

01:03:33
Speaker 8: But fuck were we talking about? What are the things that oh but just I still forgot challenges.

01:03:45
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think we're going to.

01:03:48
Speaker 2: I have a question for you as men, because I think I think women we always have these big ideas for like spicing up our relationship and bringing new ideas to the bedroom or just even the bedroom, yes, and also just in general like wanting to request things but maybe not always knowing how. What is the best way for a woman to approach their partner when they are in need of I.

01:04:18
Speaker 1: Guess like.

01:04:21
Speaker 2: Newness, trying something new that maybe is like different than anything they've done together. Because I think a lot of women have been shut down by men, maybe perhaps.

01:04:30
Speaker 1: By their approach.

01:04:32
Speaker 2: Maybe they've already maybe they've had like discussions, or there's just something there's like there's just a roadblock in their form of communication. Like how would you say a woman should approach her man in this realm? Because I think even when you think about a couple's retreat, I think men like a man you sent here, you guys are different type of men. But I would say, like when a man hears about a couple's retreat, is he worried?

01:04:58
Speaker 1: Like, oh my god, what was?

01:05:00
Speaker 2: Well, we're about to go do over, that's what we're here.

01:05:06
Speaker 4: Charlie Brown will be fucking around. You don't know, Charlie that niggas really clocked around.

01:05:16
Speaker 1: But like, yeah, like what is what? How do women miss the mark with this?

01:05:19
Speaker 9: Do you mean specifically intimately or just new things in the relationship?

01:05:23
Speaker 2: Maybe intimately because that's probably like the biggest thing that women, you know, feel scared to bring up.

01:05:29
Speaker 4: I think that men.

01:05:34
Speaker 6: We're like leaders, but we need to see, like we follow other leaders, so we need to see something by example and like kind of also got to like wear us down, like make it be make the introduction to it like sexy, like we like things to be. We don't mind being manipulated in the way of like, hey, I kind of want to do this. I'm gonna rub your feet and then I'm gonna put on this new thing that I want. I'm gonna put you in the space of the new thing and then see if you like it and then make it be a little bit more sexy. But we kind of need an example, not just like straight.

01:06:06
Speaker 3: Up ass or like can I talk to you?

01:06:08
Speaker 4: No? No, do not do last night ever? Say? Can I don't say talk togger?

01:06:15
Speaker 9: Yes, It's not that it's a trigger, it's just like what are we talking about?

01:06:19
Speaker 5: And is it the right time this? Then, seriously I.

01:06:23
Speaker 2: Realized I'm not that good at those moments. I realized that one time I woke cam like had just woke.

01:06:28
Speaker 1: Up, and I was like, hey, can we talk?

01:06:29
Speaker 2: And I was like and then as I said, as the words came out of my mouth, A can read, I was like, this was not a good Like he was like like, not before you open your eyes.

01:06:46
Speaker 8: I waited for.

01:06:46
Speaker 5: Him to make any of that black woman sitting on the side of the base.

01:06:53
Speaker 2: Let him take a sip with the drink of water on the edge of the table first.

01:06:57
Speaker 6: But yeah, put on some laundry before you launch. The laundry, put on some laingry. Make it sexy before you enter anything new into into the relationship, because we need to be warned down, we need to be warmed up, and yeah, we need to be manipulated in this very sexy way a little bit before you enter with whatever that you have coming. And like most more times than none, it's the it's a thought. It's talking about it and us making it up in our own mind instead of showing an example of what it looks like and then us getting into it. That's a much better way of going about it because we kind of need some type of like leadership or some type of show in the physical Like women I believe operate much better within their minds and their mentality and the energy. Men operate much better from in the physical and what we see. So if you're telling us that you need to talk, but you look sexy as fucking it's like, all right, we are we.

01:07:51
Speaker 4: Talking about now? Like I'm open to it.

01:07:53
Speaker 9: Yeah, okays, yes, and everything you said. I think that there should be scheduled times where people talk first of all, and I think that really helps.

01:08:06
Speaker 5: I don't think.

01:08:07
Speaker 9: Yeah, I think that's like a timing thing because you're now on one accord as to what we're coming together for, Whereas at any other time of the day, whether a man is just getting in from work, or whether he's about to leave to work, or whether he has to use the bathroom, you don't know. It could just be that could be a turnoff right there, because if you don't have the right answers, men want to have answers.

01:08:28
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, So.

01:08:29
Speaker 9: I think that on a date night is a great time to introduce any new ideas, and I think a date night should be prioritized and scheduled anyway. So this is our opportunity to get on one wave, first of all, but then have fun on our wave. Are we surfing this one? Are we boogie boyding this one? Are we going about chata?

01:08:47
Speaker 4: Are we? Well?

01:08:48
Speaker 5: We don't as not, you know.

01:08:50
Speaker 9: I think in that fun space of exploration is the perfect time to plant any seed about ideas, especially sexual because a man's subconscious mind wants to have sex at the end.

01:09:02
Speaker 5: Of the day anyway.

01:09:04
Speaker 9: So if it's something that you've kind of mentioned before maybe throughout there. I think those times when we're like prioritizing each other, that's when you say, I got this idea.

01:09:14
Speaker 5: Where do people get ideas? TikTok, I got this idea. I thought about sharing.

01:09:25
Speaker 9: But like you said, you're gonna both be looking nice, You'll both be feeling good, just like I think asking those types of questions when the oxytocin is going is bead time, because it's sometimes we just don't be knowing. It's like wrapping our mind around what we don't know. Along with this new thing. Baby, I want to learn how to rope tie. I need you to tie me up. It's like I gotta work tomorrow. Yeah, we talk about this on Saturday, So.

01:09:53
Speaker 3: You don't want to tie me up tonight, so you wait till you haven't been tie me up ever. So I was gonna say I was when I was going to contra school. It was nice to learn the exercises and also be applying them with Orlando. So that's kind of weave into our relationship in a time where I was learning. And I think sometimes we see it on the internet. We see meditation and wethink like that's for some old folks. So that's for like, that's something that like it sounds goofy or silly or cheesy, but I feel like it's definitely something that there are tools that we have to adopt in today's time that have our like age old things. So why not dive deeper into like learning.

01:10:28
Speaker 1: Asient practices work for a reason.

01:10:30
Speaker 3: For a reason, like a reason about like getting on the same frequency. Like you've said, that's like there's a level of like when we're arguing, like physically, I feel like I feel the distance, the separation. It's like you're literally creating distance and armor in your energy.

01:10:44
Speaker 8: And so sometimes we don't even have the tools to just quietly together breathe in the same sequence so that when we do speak, we're clear and we're like aligned and.

01:10:53
Speaker 2: We're simply like touch each other while you're having a serious conversation so that you know that there's like safetyfety hear and that like we're both committed to a positive outcome.

01:11:03
Speaker 3: Or observing the fact like how difficult it is when you actually say, what if I did just touch somebody.

01:11:08
Speaker 1: When I'm arguing them and really realizing that you're resistant.

01:11:12
Speaker 3: Like physically feeling how that feels because it sometimes is so difficult and it's like damn. If you can like observe those feelings in your body, then you can start to interact with the reasons why and then try to do differently and like until it feels normal, you know. But like if we don't even have the most basic practices, if we don't take time and space to be like what do you know, let me write that down then, because had I not been in school at this like pivotal time laying the foundation of a relationship, there'd be like the most slightest things that have saved us, you know, like just speaking kindly because.

01:11:45
Speaker 4: I was ready to be out of here.

01:11:48
Speaker 2: I think it's so interesting too, how I mean, I think the same because I was very much learning the same practice as you were during the time of early on in me and chi Keem's relationship, and and also him also being a tantric man himself and bringing those elements and just knowing how to hold as I'm learning, I'm bringing these things to him, and he's already falling into them with me, like he knowing exactly how to fall into these things with me, and like you know, being able to I guess share and that has been extremely powerful. Like yeah, like even right now, I told me, I was like, I need to go downstairs for a second.

01:12:25
Speaker 1: I need to go outside. I need to reset. I just have to. And like I went down there.

01:12:31
Speaker 2: He came with me and we just held each other and breathed for like two minutes straight, put our foreheads the fuck together, took turns breathing in and out, and didn't say a fucking word. I didn't say a word. And I came back up here and I was like, okay, I'm ready now.

01:12:49
Speaker 6: Actually, the Tanta thing is a very good example of like leading by example, because when you first told me like hey, let's say yap yam and like breathing this for your other's mouth, and I'm like, I have to go shit a gym.

01:13:00
Speaker 4: I don't I'm not trying to hear this right now.

01:13:02
Speaker 8: And even then I feel your resistance.

01:13:03
Speaker 6: Right, But then after some time she will go, hey, come with me, let's sit together, kiss me a little bit, hold me, and like hey, I would really like for you to meditate, but we're already in the stance and the environment is a ready Yeah, So that's how you get it. That's how you got to manipulate the situation. When it comes to me, you got to set up the whole environment for them, put them in this situation, like you have to kind of already have them a third or halfway into the new thing that you want to do before then you you let them know, like hey, let's try this new thing, and then let's do this new thing, and like hey, we're already here, let's let's go into it. And then I was more than reciprocal to it.

01:13:39
Speaker 3: Breaking news, guys, breaking news. If you want your relationship to work, you got to learn some shit and try some new shit. You can't use all the same old tools or the no tools and.

01:13:51
Speaker 1: Expect the same result a different result.

01:13:53
Speaker 3: You have to literally try new things in practices and act on them, just like going to the gym, and order for the relationship to be successful, because there are going to be times where you don't like motherfuckers like you love them. But then if you can literally allow a conflict to pull you more apart and more a part and more apart with now ever having a reset just because you were unwilling to be like, Okay, let's try the fucking forehead thing. Some point always gonna be like whatever, fuck it, I've never done the ship before. Fuck it, let's breathe together, okay, you know, like it sounds like it's.

01:14:27
Speaker 1: I mean, and it's and it's it sounds crazy.

01:14:29
Speaker 3: Or hippy ship or but it is the things that we've both like. I think that the biggest thing in like the TNTRA is like some of the practices are so deeply basic, but it's like that's we're missing the very basic foundation.

01:14:43
Speaker 4: Contact supposed to be basic. It is.

01:14:47
Speaker 8: It's what we.

01:14:48
Speaker 3: Know innately anyway, and sometimes we fight, we resist the.

01:14:54
Speaker 8: Urge to do the thing, like oh this is weird or this is cheesy.

01:14:57
Speaker 2: You know.

01:14:58
Speaker 3: I was just thinking about one time we were like in Union, we were having sex in Orlando, or we weren't even having sex. Put his hand on my pussy and he was like speaking to her, and he's like, you say something, and I literally could not find any words. And I was like, what the fuck? Why can he say stuff? And I can't? And it was so overwhelming and emotional for me. But I felt held in it, you know, and like that he had even started this conversation that I had given my body to other men and they weren't even thinking about a kind of damn conversation, you know what I mean. And to even something so intuitive for him to do and to say out loud and to just and then to kind of like walk me through that, I was like, thank you God for like honoring that urge to do that, and also for me understanding that I had cut her off.

01:15:42
Speaker 8: You know what I mean.

01:15:42
Speaker 3: I couldn't have a conversation because I wasn't even in tune in that way.

01:15:45
Speaker 8: The line wasn't on.

01:15:47
Speaker 3: But I think we are so resistant to say the thing and do the thing in relationships that we lose our way, you know. And it's like this is these basic things could be the fucking either the killer or I mean, they will not be the killer, but like, these basic things could be the gift that you give your relationship that makes it last, or you could just go in blindly like we've been doing and then get no results.

01:16:11
Speaker 6: And that's why me and Shachem is very important to this couple's a true because one thing we're bringing back is tangible things and tools that the men can use in their relationship. It's not a bunch of just feminine based things, which is fine, which is fine, but we really need to get back into the true masculinity and things that men can actually use and actionable things, not just you know, just go and say these things. My brother's like, no, there's actually men need to move in the physical and do things physically, and let it be known that you know, a lot of the things that you're told to do or can do aren't corny or bad things.

01:16:45
Speaker 4: It's actually things that you need to be doing.

01:16:48
Speaker 6: And we've been led astray by a lot of toxic masculinity and a lot of toxic wording from love them so much, but our ancestors, and we need to take back the reins on masculinity and manhood and what the real true masculinity is.

01:17:03
Speaker 4: And that's what we're here to do.

01:17:04
Speaker 1: What's the real true masculinity? What does that? What does real true masculinity.

01:17:09
Speaker 8: Mean to you?

01:17:09
Speaker 3: Before you, guys, go to real true masculinity, pull a card for me. We're on the topic if true every card is a person masculinity.

01:17:17
Speaker 4: If you guys, okay, I look at that beautiful the hang man on one of four cups.

01:17:32
Speaker 8: Four cups, Now go ahead into.

01:17:35
Speaker 4: A right, truly Brooks.

01:17:40
Speaker 9: That looks like that looks like I literally was like that, leanked up against my tree, trying to figure this ship out.

01:17:47
Speaker 6: What does true masculine look like for you, my brother these days? What is the real masculinity?

01:17:50
Speaker 4: Not that move?

01:17:51
Speaker 9: To me, true masculinity is the embodiment of all of the divine elements of the sun. It's life giving, it's life serving as it brings and cultivates things that are seated. So I think that's one of the most important things that we can do, is to come into your life and help cultivate what's already there.

01:18:15
Speaker 5: So I think that's one of the things of the sense.

01:18:17
Speaker 9: I think it is the embodiment representation son. That is my philosophy to such a very difficult question.

01:18:26
Speaker 8: That is a very complex question.

01:18:28
Speaker 6: I've been thinking that.

01:18:30
Speaker 1: It's hard questions.

01:18:32
Speaker 6: It's a movement with intention and decision making that's in confidence and not in fair.

01:18:38
Speaker 4: I think a lot of the.

01:18:39
Speaker 6: Things that we've been taught is based on like men and fear and fear of like women are hurting them and how you can do whatever you can to stay in power to avoid the hurt. And it's like the pain is meant to be healed, not to be feared, and so I think that that's more so the position that I come from when I'm talking about like just being real and just being true to yourself and your and when you stop moving in a sense of like being scared that women are going to hurt you, or the girl that hurts you when you were fourteen years old is going to break your heart again. It's going to be so painful, and it's like, it's fine. If it's painful, you will be fine. Everything will be okay, and you will find a way to heal and then move on to the woman that's never going to hurt you ever again, or if she does hurt you, then you have the tools which are going to show you in the cubs with truth to.

01:19:23
Speaker 4: Overcome and be strong.

01:19:25
Speaker 6: And then that is how you become strong in your relationship and then strong within yourself and then also coming to the forefront of your confidence.

01:19:34
Speaker 4: We're lacking a lot of confidence.

01:19:36
Speaker 6: These days in our decision making, not sure what we should do and following different stupid shit like men on podcasts and freaking fright and whatever that that old man was that died sleeping with the Kevin.

01:19:50
Speaker 9: Sam I believe that part of the masculine is the knowing that yeah, that idea of even though it's a modified knowing on a moment's moment basis.

01:19:58
Speaker 5: Throughout your maturation process, it's the knowing.

01:20:01
Speaker 9: It's the it's the very linear and concise decision making that brings about the slow but sure progressions of life. If we didn't care about the progress, we would just be And that's that's fine too. If there's something about the mask and that keeps pulling forward. So I think that knowing requires us to pull forward efficiently. I think that's really important too.

01:20:25
Speaker 8: Do you think that the Kevin Samuels and the followers of Kevin Samuels thought that they were pushing forward a movement?

01:20:32
Speaker 9: Yeah, you know, so they were really Look, if we want to talk tantra, that means that everything is interweaved into one. And if everything is intw weaved into one, then that means that every single seed has a progressive state, and it has a trajectory, and it's moving for some reason. So whatever he did to serve his purpose here, whether it impacted good or bad, the whole point is that it probably had a paralleled trajectory as somebody who would be doing good as somebody who would be lost. Everybody's going to be ping pong in their way through this shit, you know, So I think he served a purpose. It probably just wasn't a purpose for us to necessarily live off of. You know, there's other people who have Some people look at them like they're nuts.

01:21:16
Speaker 5: You know.

01:21:17
Speaker 9: For instance, Donnie Hathaway is on the mind. I love Donnie Hathaway. He was a paranoid schizophrenic. He was a very scary man. So we all have to have somebody who's making sense somewhere to help us make sense of it, and we just keep ping pong, ping pong.

01:21:31
Speaker 5: I think masculinely loves that. We see that.

01:21:34
Speaker 9: Now with longer form content on YouTube, we murder it every day, like we want to see motivational talking and Jordan Peterson lectures and philosophy.

01:21:42
Speaker 5: And blah blah blah.

01:21:43
Speaker 9: And if you go and just type in male motivation you see these crazy numbers. But it's because we are after a knowing. There's something that we feel like, even though we know enough to survive, there's something we feel like is out there that we have to figure out so that we can thrive.

01:21:59
Speaker 5: That's the main thing.

01:22:00
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I think also a lot of young boys we missed out on the mentorship phase, that that pivotal teenage phase where you need a masculine presence in your life.

01:22:11
Speaker 4: A lot of us missed out on that.

01:22:12
Speaker 6: And so when it comes to like listening to fucking Kevin Samuels to our lives, it's like that's our mentoring phase. Like we are, we are leaders innately and naturally, but we're always looking for a mentor to show us how to lead right. And so when it came to like these type of like whether it be your your friend at school or podcast or Instagram with Kevin, then you're always looking for what you can do to optimize your time on this earth and then get to the pinnacle of your masculinity as fast.

01:22:44
Speaker 4: As you can.

01:22:45
Speaker 8: And unfortunately, so many of men discovered Kevin Samuel.

01:22:48
Speaker 6: But to Toim's point, and but to Sir Kevin's point, was that we realized that Kevin Samuels is what happens when men don't speak up against like men like Kevin Samuels and say like you're a fucking idiot that makes no fucking sense. Nobody told him that early in his life. So when he got to the point where he got great beard, a great beard. He led on with that so long and he mastered that type of that type of whatever the fuck he was doing, and then he was able to regurgitate it that with such confidence that it sounded believable. But we have gotten to the point of realizing that that is what happens when you don't stop it before it goes too far. And so, in essence, what happened was, I think there are more good people than bad in this world. I think that there are just more people that don't say anything than people that do say something.

01:23:40
Speaker 4: And so I think that that we've.

01:23:43
Speaker 6: Seen Kevin Samuels made a lot of men go, oh, we need to say something before it goes too far. We can't just let shit just go about the wayside. And that was the result of Kevin Samuels after.

01:23:53
Speaker 8: His passor what if he was like an actor you guys, and they like hired him for social as a plant. So yeah, social observation. He's like a comedian.

01:24:02
Speaker 2: You know.

01:24:02
Speaker 1: As I'm listening to as I'm listening to your both of.

01:24:08
Speaker 2: Your definition of masculinity, and I'm thinking about just the feminine and just how you know, it's evil how my version of feminity has evolved personally serving women number one, which I think has also expanded my my femininity in ways that I needed deeply, more than I ever could have imagined. Where I joyfully love. I love our retreats with women. I love watering women. I love empowering them. I love showing them their wild I love showing them what care looks like. I love being able to I think what the feminine needs to be cared for by the feminine at some point. But I also I'm listening to you know you talk about, you know, how the masculine is has this like just this natural inclination to pull forth, and like you know, I guess essentially pull forth any that are laid, And I think about how the feminine waters those seeds, right, And I think a lot of times women in relationships and just in partnerships.

01:25:09
Speaker 1: In general, we don't know how to water each other. Like either the water.

01:25:15
Speaker 2: Has run dry because we're now we like we're tired of your shit and we ain't watering shit over here no more or water, or we're watering We're not, we're watering you incorrectly. There's something that happened the other day where I felt like I was watering you and and you said to me, like, what I really.

01:25:32
Speaker 1: Need for you from you is for you to.

01:25:36
Speaker 2: Like it was essentially like water me and send me off. Don't tell me like not to go do what I need to do. Like I think it was something as it pertained to work, And I thought I was watering you by saying, baby like, don't like I'm gonna take Elliott, me go rest.

01:25:51
Speaker 1: I want you to rest. I want you to like let me just like nurture you, like whatever.

01:25:58
Speaker 2: Like nurture you really is what it was. And it was like that's not what you needed at that time. You needed the nurturing, but you needed the nurturings that you could go out into the world and get to what it is that you need to get to.

01:26:08
Speaker 1: And I think.

01:26:10
Speaker 2: Women miss the mark sometimes with that, and we think that we're doing right by our men in there in our watering, and then our men don't feel watered, and then we're so fucking confused, like what the fuck I did this? I did X, Y, and Z, and but are you're still not happy? Like I give you pussy, I did this, I gave that you know, you know, I could you dinner like and and that's and that's another thing that I'm excited for in this retreat is like really giving couples the opportunity to playfully inquire in like are we watering each other the way that we really want to be.

01:26:43
Speaker 9: Watered especially couples we've been together for a while, because you might think you want the same watering that you want that three years ago, and it's not.

01:26:52
Speaker 2: And then men don't know how to even ask for it, or women don't know how to ask for it, and like the conversation, they don't even know how to start the conversation because it feels heavy, it feels like it might go wrong. So I feel like in this, in this space that we're creating, it will give couples an opportunity to reconnect in that way and be able to speak their truth in a way that you won't feel defensive, that you won't feel attacked, where it's like no, let's do it, and let's figure it out and let's play through it and let's go back.

01:27:28
Speaker 1: To our room with assignments.

01:27:30
Speaker 2: And and also like the women are going to be you know, feeding the things in that we know, like hey, nigga, like this is what your bitch wants, and like hey bitch, this is what he needs, you know, So that like sometimes it's hard to say the thing. It's very important that you do, but sometimes you do need some like a a mediator of sorts, a clear a clear playing space where you're like, we're here to put it on the table.

01:27:56
Speaker 8: We have someone else. It's all and it's all love and it's all play and we're all we're all gonna be a paradise. So it's just like the stakes are seem like in a better playing field. When you're working, you got kids screaming, and dinner has been made. You know.

01:28:08
Speaker 3: It's like I'm also excited to learn, like to learn from the couple who've been together a really long time, because I think that's something we missed too in this community, is like exchange of like what's working for you. We're in a culture of like god, do what the wife says or also like you know, like that wife, happy life. Yeah, like you don't have sex after a certain amount of time, you don't feel the same way they get it on your fucking nerves. But it's like yeah, like I don't know, bringing it back and being able to learn from other people and what like bringing back the community part of like love, you know how like passing around the secrets that work and having open conversations so you can be accountable and also be like, oh, this is like maybe your brother has a he can explain something to your you know, your somebody else in a way that you didn't understand before.

01:28:53
Speaker 9: You know what I mean, something different when it's from someone else, And it doesn't even have to be the people leading liberatory.

01:28:59
Speaker 5: It could be somebody you something.

01:29:00
Speaker 8: Sitting next to you at the dinner table. So that's always that way.

01:29:03
Speaker 3: There's never a time I leave without also getting the medicine. So there's something about like doing healing in community in general, which is I think is going to be really special too, and like not to mention like the sex magic that happens when you're exchanging in a place where your nervous system is arrested and you're like, that's manifest some shit while I'm in the jungle while we're making love, you know, and like it's fruitful there and just like just like you know, like the entity is it like can can blossom into something tangible if you harness your energy in a way that's fruitful.

01:29:34
Speaker 6: Yeah, I can't wait for the men to see how much strength there is in the healing and coming to something like this, because you know a lot of men hesitations just feel like things are a waste of time. And we really like to optimize on our time and make sure like we've got shit going on and we're not just bullshit.

01:29:52
Speaker 3: And this is gonna be a vacation that you don't even have to plan. You're gonna be taken care of. It's gonna be sexy, it's gonna be fun. We're gonna explore the land.

01:30:00
Speaker 4: And just let us take care of your relationship.

01:30:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, let us take care of you so that you could take care of your relationship. You know, like I'm gonna give you the tools and I'm gonna make sure you don't have to worry about shit.

01:30:09
Speaker 8: You're gonna be.

01:30:10
Speaker 3: Fed, you're gonna be happy, you're gonna be sunshining, you're gonna be accommodated.

01:30:14
Speaker 4: You don't feel stronger, Yeah, it's.

01:30:15
Speaker 3: Just gonna feel back, Phil, come back feeling in tune and lighter and closer and closer that you could like go back to the into the world and kick ass and take you know, go get with whatever's on the table that you haven't been getting because you're too caught up in the fog.

01:30:34
Speaker 8: I got the Hangedman. You want to hear it? Tit tarot time.

01:30:50
Speaker 3: The Hangman reminds you that sometimes you have to put everything on hold before you can take the next step, or the universe will do it on your behalf, and it may not always be at the most convenient time. You may have heard the saying what got you here won't get you there, and that indeed is a play in this card. The Hangman calls for you to release the old mental models and behavior patterns that no longer serve you, so you can see the world from a new perspective and embrace new opportunities that would have otherwise been hidden from you if you didn't hit the brakes.

01:31:19
Speaker 8: Wow, here's the thing.

01:31:21
Speaker 3: These pauses can be voluntary or involuntary. If you tune in with your intuition, you'll start to have a sense for when it's time to hit the brakes and put things on hold before things get out of hand.

01:31:32
Speaker 8: But if you're out of.

01:31:34
Speaker 3: Alignment and obvious and oblivious to those intuitive signs the universe will probably put things on hold for you in the form of continued obstacles, ill health, and breakdowns. When you sense the pause coming, pay attention to it. Otherwise the universe will turn up the volume until you can't ignore it any longer. When you disappears, your project and activities may be coming to an unexpected and abrupt halt. Don't keep pushing forward hoping that the force will drive you to where you want to go. That surrender to the opportunity to pause and view it as a chance to reassess and reevaluate where you are on your path. Something new is emerging and you won't allow won't be able to see unless you allow the time and space for it to come through.

01:32:15
Speaker 1: Time and space. I think that's all covers everything. We so many of the things we just talked about.

01:32:20
Speaker 2: Got to make the time and space for clarity. I sheeted that one, and my love, you pulled the four of Cups and this no I.

01:32:34
Speaker 6: Like about this card. It's like you already got three cups. There's something like I think you need another cup.

01:32:40
Speaker 3: You're the cups are dealing in emotions.

01:32:44
Speaker 2: And when the four of Cups turns up in a terror reading. New invitations and opportunities are flowing to you, but for now you're saying no and turning them away. Perhaps the prospects don't interest you, or your cup is full, or you already have too much on your plate. Use discernment to decide on what is truly important to you, and don't be afraid to decline new projects that don't align with your future path. The Four of Cups can appear when you are bored or dissatisfied with your everyday life. You may feel disengaged, apathetic, or unmotivated. Maybe life has become dull. The four of Cups invites you to bring your attention inward and reevaluate your situation to find a deeper meaning in what you do. You may have found yourself disconnected from your emotional self and inner truth, and need to re establish this connection so you can get a greater sense of purpose and direction. What else, However, if you missed the four of Cups may show that you have shut yourself off from new opportunities because you have been hurt or rejected before. The man in this card has his arms crossed as if protecting himself and closing off from the external world. You may have had a relationship end and heartbreak, or experienced failoring your career, and now you want to avoid getting in the same predicament. However, you may miss out on new opportunities that are excellent fit for you. Check in on a sole level in question whether shutting yourself down is the best course of action or if it's time to open up to the possibilities available to you.

01:34:05
Speaker 8: Wow, we're telling cards.

01:34:07
Speaker 3: If you were resisting, let this be a sign that maybe it's time to pivot and try something new. Like coming on the couple's retreat. Yeah, June fourteenth to the nineteenth. Yes, you can make payments. It's around the corner. There are big discounts. We're gonna be there, We're going to be having fun. It's gonna be good food.

01:34:24
Speaker 1: We took over this whole property. It's where we do all of our retreats.

01:34:28
Speaker 2: It's this beautiful sacred grounds and this container that we create.

01:34:33
Speaker 1: It's just us and we.

01:34:35
Speaker 3: Only have a limited space amount. Like it's very we're close to the date. Some people dropped out, so we have a couple of spots left. But I wouldn't hesitate. I wouldn't procrastinate. Let this be a sign and let your intuition lead you on vacation with us.

01:34:50
Speaker 5: Kings.

01:34:51
Speaker 9: Please open up your minds and your first eye because we need this, We need these opportunities to hold space for the new versions of ourselves. It's going to be a safe space to be whoever you want to be, for your partner to be whoever you want to be. I think that's very important that we hold space for the new versions of each other because we keep going together, we keep learning these new tools, and we just keep on moving forward together.

01:35:14
Speaker 5: So please invest in this.

01:35:16
Speaker 9: It's going to be that memory that you look back on and say, man, remember when we was doing the bread stuff in the jungle naked? Oh shoot, maybe we not naked, Maybe we just chilling. But enjoy that, you know. Just invest that in yourselves, Invest that in your play and your enjoyment and in your household.

01:35:33
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's got a little affirmation right there. Leave space for the you part of yourself is.

01:35:39
Speaker 3: That the affirmation. Leave space for the new version of yourself, Leave space.

01:35:45
Speaker 5: For the open space. How about hold space.

01:35:47
Speaker 8: For the new version of hold space for the new versions of yourself.

01:35:50
Speaker 1: Because these are couples.

01:35:52
Speaker 9: You might want to get to the jungle and want to do some ninja shit with me, and she can't be judging you for now. If my nigga wants to be eat barefoot with a bow staff underneath these trees, you got to say, because Kim.

01:36:04
Speaker 2: Will definitely be barefoot under a tree with a bow staff at the retreat, probably with knives and any other weapon he forms finds out there.

01:36:13
Speaker 9: And here, I want you there with me. I won't be naked at that time. And yes, yes, hold space for all these new innerversions of each other.

01:36:24
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, thank you guys for joining us.

01:36:29
Speaker 8: This was fun.

01:36:29
Speaker 5: Thank you for having us.

01:36:30
Speaker 9: I get to be in this special place, wrought out so many good memories.

01:36:35
Speaker 2: This is a sacred place, Yes, I think in that I think that's why I was nervous, because this has been such a sacred space and for me and Jamila, and I'm so grateful to share this with such a sacred lover and love and yeah, and this this beautiful energy and entity that we've created all all our own and so being able to share it with my tribe is making me a little nervous.

01:37:03
Speaker 4: Sharika, But I did it.

01:37:06
Speaker 8: No, it's not ska. Yes, Shamira, that's really powerful. It's really powerful. Tell the people where they can find you.

01:37:20
Speaker 9: You can find me under Sha Kim Howees. Oh, I'll do it right now, but I might cause dogs to bark.

01:37:28
Speaker 1: He does do that and dogs are parking.

01:37:32
Speaker 8: That's true.

01:37:34
Speaker 6: You can find this Big Dick Babbage at w H Underscore.

01:37:38
Speaker 3: Orlando roy or on our other podcast that we have together love.

01:37:42
Speaker 6: Like this in our relationship Instagram Hucci, Mom and Dad.

01:37:47
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, the best Instagram name on the planet.

01:37:52
Speaker 8: Thank you guys for joining us.

01:37:54
Speaker 3: If you're watching this and you're in Atlanta, we're going to be in Atlanta April twenty six. If you're in Charlotte, we're gonna be and Charlotte May second with Mom Juice. Also, we're gonna be in Atlanta with Black Effect Podcast Festival. We're gonna have a special guest. We're gonna turn up. It's a whole festival of the podcast. A podcast is really gonna be I've never been to one. Excited me too. I'm excited a lot of talking people. You know, we're gonna come with some heat, some surprises. Yeah, we have some good surprises for you guys. And then We're gonna go to Charlotte May second and hang out with Mom Juice, so check that out too.

01:38:26
Speaker 8: You know we on touring shit, so.

01:38:27
Speaker 2: We have all the links in this episode description, so come pull up, come join the couple's retreat. Make sure you click the link in this episode description to get the discount code, which is pleasure.

01:38:39
Speaker 8: Say again pleasure.

01:38:41
Speaker 2: Oh use pleasure, and I promise you have a pleasure experience. We can see all those dollars drop off the amount.

01:38:50
Speaker 4: Yeah.

01:38:50
Speaker 8: I have a beautiful day and love you.

01:38:55
Speaker 10: Yeah, gona been so good, can't you tell? I went through rout until I find out where may might have been known earth. I used to be broken hell, now got the blues in to like Beyonce Jasell throat shot with popping his cow wearing our voices. Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploit its women put the pe in power, so it's pointless.

01:39:14
Speaker 1: They want me to be good, so I mean bad choices.

01:39:17
Speaker 4: Bad mom. Not a bad mom, but a bad mom.

01:39:19
Speaker 8: It He's in on the cannabis in.

01:39:21
Speaker 10: Ther backbone, walked in bosss cap and I blew his cat Boss hot dog.

01:39:25
Speaker 1: Now I'm immune to the cat.

01:39:27
Speaker 10: Called her being a waisted straight to it like a dollar sign. Mother rent the lover when too. It is like a water sign.

01:39:32
Speaker 1: Where you're rent the winter essential will when.

01:39:34
Speaker 4: The summer time.

01:39:35
Speaker 10: I do it all, ain't know when that needs to run it by