Trust and Flow Feat. Sahara Rose

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Speaker 1: Speaks to the planning.

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Speaker 2: I'll go by the name of Charlamagne the God and guess what I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April twenty six at Poeman Yards and it's hosted by none other than Decisions, Decisions May Be Be and Weezy.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: We got the R and B Money podcast with taking Jay Valentine. We got the Women of All Podcasts with Saray Jake Roberts, we got Good Moms, Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be there with her next sports podcast and the Trap Nerds podcast with more to be announced. And of course it's bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses plus the food truck court to keep you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you don't want to miss this. Tappen and grab your tickets now at Black Effect dot Com Flash Podcast Festival Atlanta.

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Speaker 3: Guess what the good Moms are coming to your city on April twenty six, We're pulling up at the Black Effect Podcast Festival.

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Speaker 4: That's right, We'll be hitting the stage with other hot podcasts like R and B, Money Trap Nerds, Naked Sports, and Sarah Jakes.

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Speaker 3: And if you've ever been to a Good Mom's Bad Choices show.

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Speaker 1: You know it gets real, real bad, and we.

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Speaker 3: Have some special guests. So I'm so excited to meet our Atlanta tribe. Make sure you pull up April twenty six to the Black Effect Podcast Festival and get your tickets at Black Effect dot com Slash Podcast Festival.

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Speaker 1: See you there.

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Speaker 5: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was a good woman who always made good choices.

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Speaker 1: That shit off, we're good Mom's Bad Choices. Who's single mom?

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Speaker 4: Who said fuck the patriarchy shared all their bad choices and sound out they were so bad after all, we're expert Overshares and your new bestie Sit back and hear the ride.

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Speaker 1: I can do a pat.

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Speaker 3: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Meila.

00:01:57
Speaker 4: And it's Wednesday, bitch, Happy hump day, y'all.

00:02:01
Speaker 3: What's going on hump Day.

00:02:04
Speaker 1: Nothing, I feel good. I forgot my makeup today. I'm feeling good today. But we figured with my bay.

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Speaker 3: Sorry, and he.

00:02:16
Speaker 1: Love the way I six. Sorry. Woa. Glorilla just came over me like the holy ghost.

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Speaker 4: I really want, you know, speaking of Glorilla side note, I'm gonna answer how I'm doing today, but I really want her to win.

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Speaker 1: I love Glorilla so much.

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Speaker 3: I don't even I listened to her album and she had Kirk Franklin and she was talking God, she was she really incorporated God.

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Speaker 4: Really versatility. I like that, and I just she just seems joyful. I want to be her friend, Glorilla. If you're listening or you know, Glorilla, can you have her call us because we want to hang out and I just want to a cappella sing outside.

00:02:48
Speaker 1: Went my bay.

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Speaker 4: He gone. Gotta love Globerala so much and I keep missing her by a hair. She was at Ashley's Ashley Model Experience. I couldn't go. She's going to be at Tuskeegee homecoming. I'm not going to be able to. Why aren't you're going to there? It's going She's going like a day early the day after I don't think.

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Speaker 1: She'll still be there the next day partying. I'm gonna marry.

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Speaker 4: Hey, Gloria, hallelujah, Helleluiah. I don't think she has any time. She's booked and busy. She's like the ship right now. She's number one in her field.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

00:03:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, anyway, how are you doing. I'm doing great. I'm doing great.

00:03:23
Speaker 3: I don't have no Mascar on, which is really fucking with my my my self confidence. It's fan security, no messca. But you know, we're going for it. We're going full leash keys today.

00:03:36
Speaker 4: This is a new season and we're just embracing our naturalness and we're just you know, Mila said.

00:03:40
Speaker 1: Are we going to start like wearing no makeup? But I was like, absolutely not.

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Speaker 4: Although there was a time, no, you said that and I said absolutely no, No you did.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you also said that. No you said that today right now, yeah, and then you said no and then I said no. But there was a time remember one an episode when you said I was being a bitch when I was trying to talk about how it wasn't wearing makeup that day, and then you were like you would have bitched me all month, And I was.

00:03:59
Speaker 4: Like whoa ah that time we got into fight live on camera.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and you caught me off guard and couldn't tell me off camera because you'd love to share everything on the podcast is where you feel most safe to share all your deep secrets about me.

00:04:10
Speaker 4: Are you bashing me? Or it's just the way of the way. I you ask, Orlando, you do a timpto, I know it?

00:04:16
Speaker 1: Whoa? Now how long you've been holding onto this.

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Speaker 3: Since I had no makeup on that day and all I wanted to do was talk about my no makeup fucking Wednesday and you decided to bash me publicly.

00:04:28
Speaker 4: Okay, well, let's do podcasting, the bitch says. And then we're podcasting, and then I get comfortable podcasting, and then I'd be honest when I'm podcasting. And then it's too much. You know, woman can never do just do enough. It's always too much or too little. Oh well, I apologize for saying I forgave you a long time ago you look pretty without makeup. Sorry for calling you out that day. In the podcast, it is where I feel most comfortable. And Orlando has gotten some pretty heavy confessions on camera. But this is the this is the safety space that you've created friends. So here we are.

00:05:00
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm great, I'm good. I'm just you know, chilling.

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Speaker 4: I've been trying to really combat my thirty years, like thirty five plus years old, because I'm always tired, I feel like and I always I can't focus, and I'm overstimulated and anxious a lot. And I used to think people were just bullshitting and they're like, I have anxiety, you know, like these kids are always talking about anxiety, But now.

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Speaker 1: I have anxiety.

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Speaker 4: And so I've just been trying to work on like being more zen and drinking more tea that reflects like a zen bitch.

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Speaker 3: How's the parasite cleans going, because apparently that can also contribute to your overall anxiousness and wellbeingness. Well, honestly, I'm only like on day five, okay, so hopefully're getting the fuck out of there.

00:05:44
Speaker 1: You haven' shot any worms out yet?

00:05:46
Speaker 6: No.

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Speaker 4: I did look a few times, but I'm too scared to like a deep dive. But also, what are you talking about worms, parasites, being tired, anxiety? Damn, I'm not even high. I don't know how I forgot that already. Oh no, for no, okay.

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Speaker 3: Uh well, anyway, y'all, we have a special guest today.

00:06:09
Speaker 1: This is a guest that.

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Speaker 3: We've wanted to have on the show for a while now. We've had a few guys, a few of you guys send us her reels, her content, her music videos, and I'm really excited to introduce to the show. Author host of Your High Highest Self podcast.

00:06:28
Speaker 1: And Yarma coach Sahara Rose for having overall that bitch c My body is an altar. I love it. You don't want to know what we were thinking about doing.

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Speaker 3: I was like, what if we like, what if we make our bodies the altar? And like we lay down? And then we asked her, like, how do we make our bodies alter? Like we put candles on them? Maybe we put candle in our mouth.

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Speaker 1: We can still do that.

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Speaker 4: I don't know if I can put my mouth around them, but we could try. You just see some snakes faith that you can put your mouth around many things. Wait, wait what you said.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I can put my mouth around it.

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Speaker 4: A glass candle, I don't know, but street wax, this is not related to anything.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I'm gonna wait, I'm gonna wait, why are we waiting go for it because it's the same space.

00:07:18
Speaker 4: This is literally not really anything we're talking about.

00:07:20
Speaker 1: Except my mouth going on things. But breaking news. You guys, this is so hard.

00:07:26
Speaker 4: I hate to interrupt your introduction with this, but this is very important. I don't know if I told you this, but Orlando, my partner has never I used to hate saying partner because it sounds like I'm lesbian, But my boyfriend has never come from head. But guess what, guys, guess what, after three years, after his whole life thirty three years plus three years of me being with him, he finally came from head from me. So I'm the only one in history in his whole life of existence. And I was like, yes, this gives me the tartle. What did Is there something special that happened? Like was there a preparation? Did you I do like some No, like no elemental meditations before just having some We're having some sexy time and.

00:08:06
Speaker 1: Like, oh, he's giving you an automus approval. This is going on. He's like, that's why, that's my girl.

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Speaker 4: And honestly, I was like in a certain position and like I can't feel I'm getting into it. And usually I'm honestly, I'm kind of a lazy headgiver. I'm not even gonna lie, like you have to push my head down. My body won't let me choke automatically.

00:08:22
Speaker 1: I just won't do it.

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Speaker 4: I'll just be like a nice little right here, and you have to just really manually do it. But not manually. You haven't manually choke me or I'm not gonna do it myself. But this time I felt like the I felt the energy and I was like, you know what, I was like, should I stop? My jaw started hurt, and I was like, you know what, he doesn't even know if he can come from head because he's never done it. So then I started gett competitive in my head and I was like, oh yeah, And then I start getting tired, and I was like, no, we're going to do this is the this is the inner dialogue of a conflict, of a conflicted how and I was really going for it. And then he was like, don't stop, and I was like, I'm not gonna I'm gonna get this. This is gonna happen. I'm gonna crack the code today. And then there win expelled right in my mouth, in my throat and I was like, oooh yeah.

00:09:04
Speaker 1: Wow, that's what you did exactly. Yeah right after that, and I was like oooh.

00:09:09
Speaker 4: Yeah, congratulations, thank you.

00:09:13
Speaker 1: Orlando was like I need a minute to process. I was like, you process it, you take a picture. God damn it. He has a whole new identity now.

00:09:21
Speaker 7: I identified as someone who could not come from Head, and now he has to like reframe everything from.

00:09:25
Speaker 1: Everything, changed everything. Oh my god, you got to.

00:09:30
Speaker 4: Change your pronouns now, baby come comes, he comes from Head.

00:09:35
Speaker 1: I need him to put this in his bio. It's very important. It comes from Head, but only with Mela. And you know, I was out.

00:09:42
Speaker 4: I'm like, we're talking about getting engaged and ship.

00:09:45
Speaker 1: So I'm like it's gone now. I mean.

00:09:48
Speaker 4: For sure, I was solidifying my role in this thing.

00:09:52
Speaker 1: He worked for that ring, bitch I did.

00:09:54
Speaker 7: I can't wait to like do it maybe like a penis ring next time.

00:09:57
Speaker 3: Maybe maybe instead of instead of like having like a really sentimental thing in scripted in the ring, it means to be like you made me come only comes from Head.

00:10:08
Speaker 1: You made me come from Head.

00:10:09
Speaker 4: I love Mila's head Kissed by an Angel's way more classic than.

00:10:15
Speaker 1: Anything we came up with. Thank you.

00:10:18
Speaker 7: Was kissed by a rose in your mouth. It's like the rose petals.

00:10:21
Speaker 1: Immediately Steal starts to play I'm a kissed my rose. I'm paid.

00:10:31
Speaker 4: I'm putting it in my vowels as the only woman who, in your whole entire life, has ever been able to make your penis. I spell semen for my oral, divine, divine mouth fillatio your I do? Okay? That was that was That's my announcement. Is that your horri for the day. It's a hor okay? Wow, I mean I have I have a few. It's been a minute, but that's the most important one. Congratulations, Thank you, Thanks for sharing.

00:11:03
Speaker 7: I was very vulnerable.

00:11:05
Speaker 1: Thank you.

00:11:05
Speaker 4: Can go back to you tune back into.

00:11:10
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Show of Two Bitches of Ady D. That was good. That was some good too. That was an important share. It needed to happen.

00:11:19
Speaker 4: At the top of the show, talked about my mouth on candles and I said, this is the time.

00:11:22
Speaker 7: Your body was an alcer.

00:11:24
Speaker 1: You did it. Thank you, Amen, Amen Sahara. Hello, Hi, I would love to know more about you all.

00:11:33
Speaker 3: I've obviously I've I've listened to your show, I've watched you on social media.

00:11:37
Speaker 1: Where are you from? Where did you come from?

00:11:38
Speaker 3: You just popped up in the ig ethos and started teaching women how to embody the divine feminine and tap into their you know, their their self. But like, where are you from and where did you come from? And how did you end up in this journey cliff Notes version.

00:11:53
Speaker 7: Yeah, So my family comes from Iran. My mom was a refugee, my dad was an immigrant. They came to the US really for like service. And so I was born in Boston and as a kid, I was very spiritual. I would always like see like ghosts and spirits, and I got really into like witchcraft. And I grew up near Salem, so I was like I was burnt at the stake and into it. And they were like, you're crazy. Even the teachers at school would like separate me from the other witch girls. And so growing up it was like kind of this like conflictedness of like I feel all these different things that no one else is seeing, feeling and experiencing, but I'm being like reprimanded for it. So at home, oh very much.

00:12:32
Speaker 1: So, because you grew up Muslim, or.

00:12:34
Speaker 7: My family is Muslim, but we didn't really grow up religious. So my dad was really like atheist if anything, so it was like facts, data science.

00:12:42
Speaker 1: Like my dad's mantra.

00:12:43
Speaker 7: To me was like be rational, not emotional because my dad actually grew up kind of like in Iran. It's like you look down on women, you know, very patriarchal. So for him, he wanted me to be safe. So to be safe is like to not be a woman, to be quiet. Yeah, Or for me, he's like be like academic and like like learned to be in your masculine basically. So I kind of like stayed away from the spiritual things, but eventually got into yoga, which brought me back into it. So I was practicing a lot of yoga. Now this is in college, and I was like a raw vegan and at that time I started to like first have a lot of digestive issues, hormonal imbalances. I went to get a blood test. I didn't get my period for two years, and doctor said, my body went into perimenopause. So they said, you like have completely gone menopausal. You have no more estrogen or testosterol. This is when you were twenty Yeah, when I was twenty one years old, Oh my god. Yeah, and they're like for sure, you're never going to have a child. Plus you're gonna have osteoporosis and all sorts of health issues. You know.

00:13:40
Speaker 1: Oh we love the US medical system. Yeah, it's gonna tell your whole land. Yeah, you're blood.

00:13:45
Speaker 7: You have a jas pussy like I cannot have it.

00:13:50
Speaker 1: Okay, I get my powers.

00:13:53
Speaker 7: But I was like, fucking I eat anything even stay here exactly.

00:14:00
Speaker 1: So I went on this journey.

00:14:02
Speaker 7: Still is not ready for the meat, but I went on this journey of self healing, of just learning everything I could because they prescribe me like hormone replacement therapy and anti depressants and all these different things. And that brought me to Ierveda, which is the sister science of yoga based on the mind body connection. So in Ireveda there's these different archetypes. So my archetype vata was too much air energy, which I feel you guys have as well. So it's like, you're very creative, you're idealistic, you think outside of the box, you're fast moving, you love arts, you love visuals, you love like talking about concepts and ideas. I'm like, yes, that's me. But on the flip side, mentally, too much air is like like ADHD, changing your mind really quickly, not knowing exactly what you want, like feeling anxious, insomnia now in the body, too much air in the body. So if I told you, like, oh, I feel like I have a lot of air in my body, what would you think that means? Symptoms?

00:14:53
Speaker 3: Gas, gaseous belching, bloating.

00:14:57
Speaker 7: Exactly, gas like literal air in the stomach, bloating, cold like cold hands, dry skin, low hormones. So when I read about this, I was like, not only is all my health challenges, but it's like my personality, like in one thing, and I need to know everything about it. So I started studying Iraveda, and I was actually going back and forth to India a lot. At that time. I was like teaching health and sanitation the slums, and I had an Indian boyfriend. So I was like studying Ariveda now in India, And then lived in India for two years after college studying Ariveda, and just first of all, healed myself, not just physically, but all of a sudden I could follow through own ideas, and you know, I had so much more groundedness within myself.

00:15:40
Speaker 1: So I just became obsessed with.

00:15:42
Speaker 7: It and I wanted more people because I know so many women, especially in our generation, struggle with hormonal and digestive issues. So I'm like, I need to write a book about this. But I didn't know anyone who had written a book in my entire life. So I was just like, I'm just going to like write this book and then figure out how it gets out later. So I would just write right right, And you know, for two years I was writing this book, which eventually I met a literary agent. She pitched it to all these different publishers. All thirty of them rejected me, and they're like, this book's never going to happen.

00:16:10
Speaker 1: You're not a doctor.

00:16:11
Speaker 7: No one cares about Iravada blah blah blah blah blah. And that was And at this period of time, my parents were like, you are batshit crazy, Like you are going to end up homeless. You're not even I was living in India, like making no money, Like you know, I had some health coach clients that I lived off of. I lived in a two dollars a night hut in South India with rats in it. Like that is the level that I was like, I will not give up on this dream, even if it means living like this, and so at that time being rejected by all those publishers like, I'm like, I guess my parents were right, you know, I maybe this isn't going to happen. But then, interestingly enough, the literary agent was asked by the Idiot's Guide group looking for someone to write the Idiot's Gude to Araveda. I submitted, like I read every Idiot's guidebook, submitted, and then was hired. So I wrote that book, which I was like, I guess I have to write like a fucking textbook of Iraveda. But whatever book I can, I will do. So I put everything I could when I would write like sixteen hours a day, wrote that book. Flash forward a year later, I see Deepak Chopra at a conference and I'm just like he was like my idol. Like when I would fight with my parents, I'm like, one day I'm going to be like Deepalk chop They're like he's a charlatan and you're a charlotte. I'm just like, yeah, my dad was like extremely verbally like abusive. It was. It was really insane. So yeah, so I see Deepak Chopra and I'm like, this is the only chance of my life that I'm going to see him in real life. So I go up to him and I just tell him, I'm like, you have been such a role model for me, and I would love to send you a PDF of my book, thinking that that's going to be it, and then he gave me his email. I sent him the book and a few days later and this crazy synchronousity story we can talk about, but he ended up emailing me asking me for a meeting, and then writing the forward of that book.

00:17:50
Speaker 1: Oh wow, that's amazing.

00:17:53
Speaker 7: And then all of a sudden, I went from rejected by all the publishers, broke no idea, what's going to happen to writing this book deepoc Trope are writing the forward being on faculty of Chopra, and I'm like, what just changed in my life? And then I'm like, what shifted within me that my external reality started shifting so much? And that's when I started to get really deep into spirituality and into this concept of dharma, which is your soul's purpose, which is what I teach about right now.

00:18:18
Speaker 4: Wow, so interesting, and we're all about like syn synchronicity is taking a chance and things lining up at the exact right time, because magic. But damn, that's a beautiful, beautiful story. And you know, I've never heard it put that way, like, and we talk a lot about you know, shifts in our lives, but like what happened inside of me that then reflected on the outside, which I'd never heard anyone put that way. And that is a very profound statement because I'm like, there's been a lot of changes, what happened within me and all of those changes, but I was never looking within. I was just looking at the outside to reflect like success or whatever we think it is.

00:18:51
Speaker 1: But what did you find? What had shifted?

00:18:54
Speaker 7: I mean so much so our entire like outer realities or reflection of what's happening in our inner world. And you know, I really believe that everything in our life is connected by a red thread that you can really only see looking back on it. And so I started to just get really curious about what changed between those things. So this concept of a dharma is your soul's purpose. It's the big reason why you're here, and every single person has one. And it's not so much of like this is your career, this is how much money you're going to make, but it's who you are in action. So I believe like spiritually, our souls chose our parents, chose where we were born, chose obstacles we were going to overcome, because it was the perfect preparation to prepare us for our dharmas, our soul's purposes, and our soul's purposes their combination of our highest form of joy in our highest form of service. So it's like that thing like you guys doing this podcast, you're having fun doing it, and it's of service to all of the people listening to this and writing your book, and however you do it, you're doing it through the lens of your dharma, whereas someone could do the exact same thing and it not be the right frequency for that. So I believe when you're living in alignment with you your dharma, you start to get all this like universal support. Right, It's like we were all born on a highway and at the end of this highways are garment. It's like who were meant to be, how we're meant to show up and we were born right on track, like as children, we fucking know, you know, we know, But then society is like, oh, like you're going to make more money doing this. Your parents will love you if you do that. Everyone in your town does this. You think you're going to do that, And so we get off of these exits of the highway. And then the universe responds with what is called karma. So the actual meaning of the word karma is bound at action by the universe. The tap tap tap. Something's out of alignment. You're feeling anxious, something's feeling off. This isn't flowing. Most of us think life's tough. Get a helmet, keep going, drink more coffee, take more adderall just push ignoring it more right, So we keep getting off the exit. And then the universe is like, okay, bis, you don't want to listen. Punch punch, punch, like panic attack, collision, big thing happening. Some of us start to listen, others most of us don't until it's like an on your knees break down, like something so big, like for me getting disowned by my family and then later on my divorce, like something very very big, health challenges, getting fired by jobs that it shakes you. It's like the level of breakdown that you needed to make a shift again. Some people stay choose to live in those series of unfortunate events forever. But really that is karments, the bounded actions, the barricades on the side of the highway that gets you back on track. And sometimes the only way we can make those big changes is through pain.

00:21:28
Speaker 3: You know.

00:21:29
Speaker 7: It's like that pain is our friend, that pain is our teacher. The darkness is actually where all of the possibilities are. So when we're in that, in that dark knight of the soul, to really ask ourselves, what is this teaching me? And how can I now take this wisdom and amplify myself even deeper towards my dharma. And then all of a sudden you start experiencing syncreticies like crazy shit, Like someone texts you something is exactly what you were thinking. You hear this podcast is exactly what you need to listen to someone. It's like you can't even explain, and I know you've been in it. So that feeling is called crea is boundless action by the universe. It's when you are in alignment with your dharma, the flow. You know, you're rolling with the currents, and that is how life was meant to be lived. And so I saw in myself what shifted within me is I moved from karma to Korea, and that's what letting me live in my dharma.

00:22:16
Speaker 4: That's a beautiful story and a beautiful way to put it. The highway is really clear. And you know what also made me think about I think people just like we were talking about what change inside of you when all those things change outside of you. But also like I think people rarely look at when you're in a really dark place or in a really bad situation, what is happening? What are you choosing to stay in this space? Because sometimes people are like everything.

00:22:41
Speaker 1: Bad's happening to me, God hates me, you know.

00:22:43
Speaker 4: But it's like people are rarely able to be like I'm choosing the wrong partner, who's being you know, disrespectful, and like this is where I need to and people are unwilling to put certain things down. And a lot of times it comes in the forms of people because you know, women, we love, we love to fix something, you know.

00:23:00
Speaker 1: But it's that's an interesting, like perspective.

00:23:03
Speaker 3: I'm curious because I know that you teach, like you said, you teach people how to find their dharma. What is like when you have like a client that is maybe has that mindset of like everything as bad as happening in my life?

00:23:15
Speaker 1: Why why all the time? Like what would what.

00:23:17
Speaker 3: Is like the first step I guess to kind of recognizing what your darma could potentially be, or is like how do you even pull yourself out of that to even take the first step towards that self discovery.

00:23:30
Speaker 7: So I have five stages of darma discovery. So the first one is just realizing you have a darma. So if you don't believe you have a purpose, it's like it's not going to work. And most people are not even there, they're not even at stage one. So sometimes it's like your big ass crisis that makes you realize, like damn, this was exactly what I needed to make a change that I would have never made without this. So it's stage one is the realization. Stage two is self improvement. That's where most of the personal development self help space is at. How do I become my best self? Fitness, wollness, meditation, biohacking, psychology, these are all forms of improving yourself and it's very important. We can't skip that step.

00:24:11
Speaker 3: But it's step it's the hardest, it's one of the hard it's one of the hardest steps.

00:24:14
Speaker 7: I think it's the hardest, and it's never ending, and these cycles never end. But we get to a point that we've like maybe done all the therapy or you know, tract or macros or whatever the thing was, that we realize that maybe I am not a mind and a body to improve, but rather I am a soul to know, and maybe nothing was ever wrong with me. I didn't need to fix myself, but rather I just didn't know myself. And so that brings us to stage three, which is the spiritual wakening, which is maybe this deeper soul within me. It's it needs to be in a different environment, needs to be around different people, needs to be fed different nutrients. So you start to really dive deep into who am I. And for some people that looks like astrology, and for some people that looks like human design or medita. I mean, it's like a spiritual wonderland in here, you know. And so stage three you're like, oh my god, like we need to wake up the sheeple and like it can be really exciting and really overwhelming. There's all these different modalities out there, and so in this space, if you're stuck here, only it could be like, well, I don't know this. I need to know my gene kis. I need to know my this, I need to know my that. And it's never ending and it can negate us from the responsibility of actually like doing something with this. So stage four is when we go into dharma development of like taking the tools that actually work for us and like sticking with them. So maybe it's tero for you or even for someone else, could be art, it could be you know, whatever, gardening, whatever the thing is for them, but to really like develop your skills stay with something like our society, we're such dabblers and everything right, and the way that people have been like masters of different things is like they devote themselves like this energy of devotion from the heart. So stage four is really like devoting yourself to something like you all have been doing this podcast for seven years, devoting yourself to that, and that teaching shows you, which brings you to stage five dharma embodiment, when who you are in your work and you're outer world is the same, you are being you full time, you know, because before that it's like the me at my job and the meat everywhere else. And of course we always have different versions of ourselves. But it doesn't feel like I have to put on a mask every day, you know. And what happens interesting in stage five is like everything in your life that is not in alignment with full truth will go away. Relationships, friendships, homes, They will become so painful. It's like that little like that story of the p under the mattress. You know you're like couldn't sleep. It would be like that, you know, get bigger and bigger into your face because your dharma becomes like the most essential thing of who I am and how I'm here to serve humanity. That like anything that's holding you back from that needs to shift. And then we go on that journey again. So I would really for someone, I would say, where are you in that journey? Then what's the next step?

00:26:58
Speaker 3: When I think of step five, I'm thinking about out you and your relationship with your parents, like you said, And also we can talk about it in a bit about your divorce, like were you already in stage four and then these things started to happen like stage five as far as like the disownment of your I mean, I guess that would be them disowning you and less you being in control of that. But when you're in that, when you're in between those phases and stages, and that's a that's a very big one. I mean specifically the parental one, you know, like the people that brought us here, that have really instilled our core belief systems, really given us a lot of our self identity, safety, safety, Like how does how have you? I guess, I don't know. I don't know if if you still have a relationship with your parents to you, yeah, have they come back now that you're well?

00:27:47
Speaker 7: I really ship with my mom, not my dad really. So that happened when I was twenty three and actually was a thing that led to my greatest liberation because before that I was subconsciously always living for my dad's rouval, the pat on the head, I'm proud of you, You're enough. When I finally heard the words of like you are dead to me and I want nothing to do with you, it.

00:28:09
Speaker 1: Kind of gave you Okay. It was just like, then what am I even living?

00:28:11
Speaker 7: I'm going to live for myself then, right, And it was like some I think in life we always have to go to our biggest fear, like that big thing that we never want to happen when you go right into it and you realize that you're going to be okay.

00:28:22
Speaker 1: Then it's like I don't give a fuck. When people on social.

00:28:24
Speaker 7: Media say I don't give a fuck, it's like you've already when you've been through the fire. It's like you start dancing with the fire you make that you start twirling that fire around and you become so much stronger. And it wasn't necessarily like a level four to five thing. I feel like these initiations continue to happen, like I've been living my dharma for over ten years now, but it's like attunemnts to it right. It's high high exactly like okay, or we're going to put you on a new path of what you're meant to teach. Like okay, you've been teaching about health and wellness for so long. Time to move on, Time to move into the dharma part of your journey and eventually teach it to others. Time to move into the love part of your journey, eventually teach it to others. So I feel those of us that are on the path of like like they call this janana the path of wisdom. It's like we have to personally go through all the shit that we're meant to eventually share with others.

00:29:13
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask you.

00:29:16
Speaker 3: Speaking of the just kind of going with your dharma and your purpose. I saw that, I've seen that over the last few years you've gotten into music, and I think about just like how society really likes to put us in boxes, specifically women, and like, oh, you've chosen this modality, Like how dare you step outside and do this thing? Like how how did that come to be? And like how did how has that process been since you started, since the beginning of choosing to do that and incorporating that into how you show up?

00:29:50
Speaker 7: Yeah, so after my divorce and we can go into the story, but essentially found out that he had been cheating on me throughout the marriage. And it was like a very quick instant knowing that I needed to leave this relationship because there was no going back. It was happening the entire time.

00:30:06
Speaker 4: Since since the day you got married to the day you found since before we were married. So he didn't think I'm getting married now, let me just like cut off this other bitch.

00:30:17
Speaker 7: No, he was just I mean, narcissism is a real thing.

00:30:23
Speaker 1: It is in his mind.

00:30:24
Speaker 7: He's like, would do you ever.

00:30:25
Speaker 4: Think that logic gas have logical I'm just getting down on one knee purchasing a ring.

00:30:32
Speaker 1: I'm assuming that you proposed to you.

00:30:34
Speaker 7: I was like, when you were saying your vows, you didn't feel like any kind of guilt something was coming up. He's like, I didn't even think about it.

00:30:40
Speaker 1: I'm like what he said that.

00:30:41
Speaker 7: He's like, I didn't eat, I didn't write. He didn't identify someone who cheated.

00:30:45
Speaker 1: I don't identify with that.

00:30:50
Speaker 7: But that's a scary thing because people can suppress things so deep in because we would have conversations of friends getting cheated on what you think, and he'd be like, that's so fucked up in this and like and believe it, believe it because of the cognitive dissonance of like the way it's like I think it would happen. It would be like one time things, and he would suppress it so far away and almost just like a Jacqueline had, which was related to his own traumas of just like suppressing.

00:31:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, was he also like Middle Eastern Okay, fucking shit?

00:31:20
Speaker 3: If he was like, you know, you guys were practicing together in spirituality.

00:31:25
Speaker 7: You know, I was the more spiritual one, and I brought him on the spiritual journey, which took years. We were together for seven years, so I would say maybe like four years in he started to get more spiritual, but his own path, and I was very much just like you know, you do you right, I have my more feminine path, he had his, And actually the spiritual path is what let he actually admitted to me about the cheating.

00:31:45
Speaker 1: Wow, that's how you found out.

00:31:46
Speaker 7: He told me through sitting with plant medicine of Wachuma San Pedro. So I'm actually really grateful for that because he didn't need to tell me. And it was like that was ready to be purged and so interesting because it's like you're in a relationship but there's like the snake underneath it that you don't see until you're ready. And it was like in divine timing because first of all, seven year cycles, as we know, everything in life is in seven year cycles. We change our DNA every seven years. So it was like honestly looking back on it because then I eventually sat with the San Pedro medicine, it showed me like it was so fucking divine, you know, like when I was going through all this, when I was like twenty three, I wanted to go to Peru and sit so San Pedro. For those who are wondering, people may have heard of ayahuasca. So ayahuasca is a vine. It's considered grandmother medicine, and so she really like tells it to you as it is. She's like very spunky, but like like visual and honestly, I had so much fun with ayahuasca. That was like these deep uncomfortable truths about myself. But in this like really like for me, it was actually did you guys remember Carmen the Hip Opera? Yeah, she presented the whole thing hip opera, battles musical.

00:32:56
Speaker 4: Only person I've ever heard say this, So you're gonna have pictures like in Nyahuasca.

00:33:00
Speaker 1: I think it's gonna be butt crack.

00:33:03
Speaker 7: Okay, no, no no no, I don't want outfits everything. She knew the way to my soul. She knew so iohuasca is really like that. But she was like this show and I'm like laughing. She's freestyle rapping with me about like how I'm like Kim Kardashian, so like poking fun of me, but like but like in this like really playful way. But then she's like, yeah, say the most uncomfortable thing about yourself and then kind of like come up and it's so life changing. You know, then Watchumu San Paedro's grandfather of medicine. So you actually take that medicine while hiking traditionally in Peru. So you're like hiking in nature and you're taking it, but you're not seeing anything. You're still in nature. But it's almost like this very wise, like elderly version of you was talking to you. And so for me, it was a lot of like call and response but also poetic as well as it would be like a thing of poetry. It's like trust the flow, trust the flow. Just surrender, just surrender the control.

00:34:00
Speaker 1: And I was like do you get it?

00:34:01
Speaker 5: Have you?

00:34:01
Speaker 7: Do you understand that? Okay, now we can move on. And it was like this like step by step like thing. So when I sat with the San Pedro in Peru, there was this moment that I like, you know, I'm like crying of.

00:34:14
Speaker 1: Like why am I single?

00:34:15
Speaker 7: And like all of the things, and it was just like brought me back to when I was twenty three years old and I wanted to sit with the medicine. I didn't have any money to and it was like the moment you decide to work with these medicines, they start working with your life. And I was like, so we decided the medicine in that time to take you into your biggest illusion that marriage is eternal safety and happiness. And like a month later I met him on bumble first person I matched with on bumble instant fell in love. That night I wrote first date with my husband. I knew he was my husband, and it was honestly a really smooth relationship, like we never fought, you know, it was never anything wrong. There was never would have been a conscious reason to divorce until I found out about this, but in divine timing, when I had my own business and knew myself and like could actually create this new version of myself. I feel like a lot of women who get cheated on, like how did I not know? How did I not know? And they really shame themselves around that, And it's like, your soul knew when you were ready to find out, So trust that when you know you are ready for what is next?

00:35:17
Speaker 1: Oh lord, yeah I was.

00:35:20
Speaker 3: I'm still thinking about how the men will literally have conversations with you about oh, like I can't believe my homeboy he got three baby mamas.

00:35:31
Speaker 1: I would never do that.

00:35:32
Speaker 3: You meanwhile, you're impregnating a bitch behind my back hit a sore spot. But I have so much gratitude for that was my personal experience.

00:35:42
Speaker 1: I can tell I have so much gratitude for that experience.

00:35:46
Speaker 3: And I think so many times when we are experiencing such I guess, soul busting ripping experiences that just don't feel like they make any sense.

00:35:58
Speaker 1: It really is kind of like or dharma, like knocking on the door, like.

00:36:01
Speaker 4: Hey, bitch, to do something different. Now, are we gonna choose? How are we gonna choose? We're gonna choose the same?

00:36:06
Speaker 1: Are you gonna you canna mother that baby? You're gonna sit here and do that? Can you do it? You can't do it? You do it? Look at that baby? Can you do it? I don't think so? Look again?

00:36:15
Speaker 2: Nope.

00:36:17
Speaker 3: So then how how music? How did music get into the mix of this?

00:36:21
Speaker 7: Oh? Yeah, So after my divorce, I'm processing so much, you know, like how did I not know?

00:36:26
Speaker 1: And hurt anger?

00:36:27
Speaker 7: Shame like like everything, And I also just kind of you know, there's like those tipping points to do all the healing works, like all my dad wound stuff and childhood and past lives and lineas and an ancestral And it was like like six months of just like fucking deep ass shadow work. And I could not listen to podcasts. I could not read books. I could like words, like you know, when you're like trauma brain and someone's talking, you can't even really hear what they're saying. I was like that. All I could do was listen to music, and like when you're in that open hearted, like broken hearted, open hearted state, like everything.

00:36:58
Speaker 1: Hits you so dull, like God, Yeah, I listen to music and be like damn, like has it has it always been like that?

00:37:04
Speaker 7: I know, I'm like, oh, like hear like the ad libs and like hear the production, and especially afrobeats music. I love afrobeats so, which I'm part Ethiopian, And I was just like, oh, like it was speaking to my soul and so and I've been DJing for a while, like five years before that, but I always and what's interesting is my ex husband produced music. But I always thought, oh, that's so complicated. I could never do that, never considered it for myself interesting enough. We're attracted to the people that subconsciously you want to be more like you know, they're like muses to us. And so I started thinking, I'm like, imagine I combined like Persian with afrobeats music. What would that be like? And and then I just started thinking, and I'm like going on YouTube like how to produce and just getting more interested and curious about it. And then eventually I went to this festival called Afro Nation in Portugal, met this guy. He was a dancer. We became friends and then he turned out to be a music engineer and we just started making music together. And it was like, so my biggest song it's called trust Flow, and lyrics are trust Flows, Surrender, let Go. And that was the affirmation I was telling myself again and again when I didn't where I was going to live, I didn't know what was going to happen next, like the future, and I'm a capricorn, I'm like, what I need a plan. It was like trust Flows, Surrender, let Go. I'm the one I've been waiting foe. And so when I produced that afrobeat song, I was like, fucking and I need to find like an amazing Nigerian artist, and I was like, I don't even know how, and then I just thought, what if I just try this affirmation on it, which no one does Affirmation's afrobeats. So I'm like, let me just try this, and so that's how it started and just kept going. So my album My Body is an altar really has been all of the music that you know has healed me. And the meaning of that is like seeing yourself as a sacred site that will only be treated as such. And because when we walk as if we had rose petals at our feet, you know, we're walking with reverence. Then people show up in our lives in such different ways. But when we walk as if like we don't fucking matter, you know, it's like that's the energy that we're going to receive. So and another big part of that journey too is, you know, being Middle Eastern marriage and Middle Eastern man, it was like cover yourself, how dare you show your body? How dare you dance? How dare you this that? Because women are men's properties in those cultures.

00:39:09
Speaker 2: You know.

00:39:09
Speaker 7: So it was like I was finally free to just like be myself and not give a fuck and just like tap into these different archetypes that every woman has, Like every woman has like the hoe that you talked about, her shadow self, her her creative self, her warrior self, her medicine, woman's self, her priest as self. These are all aspects of us. But our day and age is like state, oh you're like this. It's like we're the air of like personal branding, like describe yourself at one hundred and eighty characters and like that is who you are forever. It's like, no, we're all here to be multi dimensional. And so like every song was me like playing with a different archetype and a different energy within myself. So it's been a vibe I've been making music ever since.

00:39:47
Speaker 1: That's dope.

00:39:48
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I saw. I was like she's she's not over here doing festivals. She's like making it happen for herself everywhere, like everywhere. And I was like, this is really incredible, and it's a testament to like really the feminine essence and the power that we can cultivate once we decide to do something and then just go for it one hundred percent. I think also, I've heard you talk a lot about just the feminine embodiment and your embodiment practice in particular, And I'm just I'm curious, and I'm sure our audience is like, what for you is your personal like feminine embodiment practice. I mean, I know I've seen like I've seen a real of you doing one, like at the park, and like people were like, what the is she doing?

00:40:30
Speaker 1: Yeah?

00:40:31
Speaker 3: And it's funny because like I have, I have, I guess my own and in some capacity, I don't know if I've ever like coined it that that term, Hey, how did you come to it? And like how do you utilize it in your life?

00:40:43
Speaker 7: So in those like months after the divorce, I would wake up and just cry, you know, when you wake up and you're like is this my reality? Like wait, there's no one next to me. Wait, I'm in an airbnb, Like what the fuck just happened? It's so you have to like the fifty first dates yourself every single day, you know. And so I could not like do breathwork and all that shit. I would just cry and then I'm like, Okay, let me try to move this energy. So from the crying, I would touch myself as if I were my own lover, Like how would I want to be touched, like touching my face, touching my hands, like hugging myself, and I would play, even if it was just one song, you know, and just sit up on my bed and just like move my neck, move my shoulders and start to move. And then from there I would feel a little bit more creative. Maybe I would write a poem or just record a voicemail on myself talking something out. So I noticed I was emoting, embodying, expressing, and that's what became the triple E method emote, embody, and express. So how you do it is first feel whatever's you're genuinely feeling right now. If you're feeling super anxious, can you be like ah and like sound that anxiety out?

00:41:45
Speaker 2: You know?

00:41:46
Speaker 7: What's so crazy and that brought me deeper into the journey of the womb. Is like we hold onto these emotions that if we can hit the right sound of it, we release it. So you know, when you're like, oh, it's actually hitting a frequency in your body that like that exact note is needed to release that. Or if you're like I mean like orgasms, right, it's like oh, it's like different, you know, different textures of it. So I would you know, kind of I was never like allowed. I was always like more quiet, so I'd be like trying to make sounds right. Car is such a good place to do it too, if you're like I have neighbors or roommates or something in your car just like scream grunts, you know the Collie breath, which is putting your tongue on going and just letting that out. And I know a lot of people are like, I feel like if I let myself really get angry or cry will never end. And trust me, one day you will wake up and not need to cry. But it's like you got to get to the bottom of that well, and sometimes it takes a really fucking long time because it's all the tears. You never let yourself cry your entire life. But it's like this is finally the tipping point that you actually manifested to finally feel all of those things. And what tends to happen is the body naturally starts to self regulate that after a few minutes, you're like, I.

00:42:59
Speaker 4: Feel exactly, feel relieved from whatever practice exactly.

00:43:03
Speaker 7: So then you move into embodies. So from emote you go to embody. So play a song of how you want to feel Do you want to feel sensual? Do you want to feel empowered? Do you want to feel you know, trusting God like whatever that energy is for you? And how can you embody that with your body? It can be through self touch, it can be through dance movement, rolling on the ground, stretching. I don't advise yoga because yoga is like a more masculine practice actually, which a lot of people don't realize, Like yoga was actually created for pre pubescent boys to keep them like calm so they could focus and eventually join the warrior cast.

00:43:37
Speaker 1: So who knew?

00:43:38
Speaker 7: Yeah? So I was doing so much yoga and that was also part of why I lost my period so much mask because it's like telling your body how to be rather than letting your body guide you. Right, and you're tucking your hips and you're pressing everything, and you're making it. Did I get the posture right?

00:43:52
Speaker 1: Right? That's that masculine conscious dat am I doing it right? You know?

00:43:55
Speaker 7: It's like instead let your body guide you. It doesn't need to make sense, it doesn't need to look pretty, Like going to a dance class is not this practice, because that's again masculine performance. Do I look good in the mirror exactly. Like, even if it's just like getting on your hands and knees and just circling your hips and letting your body move, it's so it unleashes. It's primal, it's ancestral. Your body's gonna know what to do. It's like birthing a baby, you know, and then from there express Like this is when your truth can come out, whether it is writing four lines on your notes app whether it is you know, voice noting a friend, whether it's drawing something or coming up with a piece of content or whatever that thing is. I find these emotions want to be expressed. The feminine. You know, our yonis or vaginas are connected to our throat chukda, you know, the larynx and the vaginal opening. It look the exact same. So it's like when we can express that and turn into something greater, that's how we heal, because we're like, I didn't go through this pain in vain, but rather it has turned into art. And I feel the real healing happens, especially from heartbreak, is when you can say I would go through all that shit again to become this version, right, Yeah.

00:45:07
Speaker 1: I agree.

00:45:08
Speaker 3: I mean I think about just the amount of healing that we've had in the space talking and using our voice and also together collectively like really feeling empowered to tap into into all the feminine parts of ourselves, the sexual parts, the sacred parts, the sensual parts, and how it's literally transformed ourselves and our.

00:45:31
Speaker 4: Lives by expressing and being honest. And I think people underestimate the medicine of honesty and expression. And then even back to what you were saying about, because this is like we do retreats and this, I mean the three ease without knowing the three's is something that we do we do in our workshop, and I really notice is like people have a hard time making sounds that aren't English words. It feels like what the fuck are you talking about? You know, like even I've seen in this space and we're like, okay, now we're gonna scream. And some people are like about thank god because I've been trying to hold it three clock yeah, And then some people are literally like why the fuck that I sign up for this?

00:46:08
Speaker 1: Like what am I doing?

00:46:09
Speaker 4: And we are as humans, I think we've been so deeply programmed to just for everything to have to make so much sense that sometimes the things that make the most sense. Are so extremely simple and so extremely basic, and it's like.

00:46:24
Speaker 1: But we lose that, like as we get older.

00:46:26
Speaker 4: It is like, of course there's noises that have to be made to like to move energy. Of course, you have to move your body to move energy. Of course, Like that's that's directly associated and connected to like anxiety and like all types of ailments and sicknesses in the body. But we're so we're so gung ho on, like I don't want to look stupid. I don't want to feel stupid or that's stupid. It's like, well, how about, bitch, you try it, because right now you're not doing so good, you know. But it's like even I did LSD like five years ago now almost four years ago now, and I came back and I was on one.

00:46:58
Speaker 1: I was just like and like the best, Like my nervous system.

00:47:04
Speaker 4: Was regulated because I went on this like seven day incubation trip with two people, and I came back to all my friends and I was high as fuck off a life and I was like and all my friends are like, I'm not moaning with you in this restaurant, including Erica, and I was like, come on, And then we're gonna how let the moon, let's do it. It's gonna be so fun of them with my white friends, and they do it all the time. And she was like no, and I was like come on. And now all the time we're like, you know, because sometimes that's the thing that you know, that small thing. It's such a small thing, but like that release is necessary. And as children, you do something to your kid, you piss them off, they're gonna fucking lay out and scream and kick and they have no there's nothing telling them that that's not okay, but that's how they're expressing it. And as adults are like, you're acting fucking crazy. But we lose somewhere in the adulthood, like from a childhood to adulthood, we lose the ability to express out concern about anybody else thinks.

00:48:03
Speaker 1: And like even in the privacy of your own home, Yeah, but you're embarrassed by yourself, Like how I'm embarrassed by you, bitch?

00:48:09
Speaker 4: You know, like you're alone, but there's this this like it's so crazy to think about it that way, is like those are those are the tools we still need as an adult. If the tantrum may not look the same, you may not do it in seven to eleven when you didn't get the gum.

00:48:21
Speaker 1: However, it's still is required.

00:48:24
Speaker 4: Like sometimes it's just like I know people listening can probably relate to this, is like one thing happens to you that really isn't that big of a deal, But now you've been crying for an hour. It's because, bitch, you didn't cry for the last two years. It's like it's come. It's like the water is overflowing and you have to let it out some way. And that's why people think that they're just addicted to like the gym. Is like, no, your body needs to have a source of release, and we like forget that because we're on this fucking hamster wheel of work and money in social and like the one hundred and forty character bio and like, but instead of just the medicine is generally already inside of us and it may not make sense and it may not come in like a pretty book that has a cover and end, but like you are the book, and like going back inside of yourself is where you find what works for you. Because we all are probably doing some of the same shit, and it's called different things. It's from different and like lineages and different practices, but overall, like we are given all the tools as humans. We're self like we're self healing, and we forget that and we're constantly looking outward.

00:49:27
Speaker 3: Well that's what it is, is like a very like you said, like there's this forgetfulness, there's this forgettingness and then but it's not it's forgotten, but the the wisdom is in our bodies. And like thinking about like I know you were talking about earlier how you felt like you had a lot of air in your body, and like, you know what we learn. We're tantric practitioners and we followed the Cagpat Shack Shang Shang pag hag you lineage whatever. It's very influenced by the Bond tradition. And they talk about the five elements and how obviously like the elements, we are of the elements and sometimes you're heavier and and like if you're heavier in air, what do you need? Do you need more earth? Do you need more water? Do you need more space? You need less space? And once you kind of really figure out how to balance the elements in your body, like it sounds so like woo woo, but it's very simple and it makes the most sense. And it's like even like making these sounds that are primal or things that we actually do anyway when we're not thinking, like we yawn, we're like, we just do it because people, that's what we do when we yawn, and not realizing that sound actually can.

00:50:31
Speaker 1: Help calm your vagus nerve.

00:50:32
Speaker 3: And there's a reason why dogs and animals do these type of sounds when they're feeling anxious or they're feeling nervous. And it's all within us. But we've been endoctrined by the medical system, the Western medicine, that we need these different things, we have to take, these type of pills, we need to even exercise. I recently went on a retreat. I went on a darkness retreat, and so I was in total darkness for four days by myself, and the whole practice was really getting out of your mind and into your body, Like what is it that your body actually wants Because a lot of times when you think your body wants to work out, you're like, I need to work out right now, and it's like, actually, no, your body wants to rest. You go to the gym and it doesn't work, and you're like, why didn't work? Because you have too much fire in your body you actually didn't need to create more. So it's like when you start to really kind of pinpoint and listen to your body and not necessarily your mind, because like, right now, I've realized how how much I lead with my mind all the time, and how toxic it's been, and how much your mind actually lies to you, and that your body actually is the most intelligent thing and that's what you should be listening to. We're so disconnected from our bodies because it's by design and also by consumption the things we drink, drinking alcohol, smoking weed, which are all things that I do at different times, various times in my life. But also I know also in my body has had too much and it's like, hey, we need to stop, we need to disconnect. And I think a lot of times we resist that because we're scared of what's on the other side. And what's on the other side is fucking you and actually a lot of happiness and a lot of joy and a lot of peace, but there's a lot of turmoil and a lot of guk gulk in the middle of that we have to work through in order to get to the other side. And I think that's really what people are so scared of and are so fearful of. And even listening to you know, us talk about meditation or the elements or whatever it might be, there's a there was a resistance of like, eh, that's some bullshit. We don't need none of that. That's like, that's that witchy shit. I'm just gonna like that's spiritual. Yeah, like I don't do that, but like what you need.

00:52:45
Speaker 4: It, you know, and and and and also it's like I think sitting here with both of you too, is like this is why we're in this era of healers where people are waking up. It's because we're gonna there's gonna be a lot of different languages. That's gonna like say the same thing, but resident with different people in the community.

00:53:01
Speaker 1: And so very need is someone from every every practice. What'd you do? What did you do?

00:53:05
Speaker 4: Because maybe someone else is like that is so bobo. But then you someone else will come over and be like put it to you in a way, and you be like, okay, let me try it, you know.

00:53:13
Speaker 1: Sahara says, my body is alder.

00:53:14
Speaker 4: These bitches say, bitch, let me go over here, you know what I mean, Like people can like gravitate naturally to what it is. But you know what, when you said that reminded me of when you're talking about the like the like the energy I heard you say about, like the leaky energy, And I think that comes from that too, Like sometimes people like what happens if you never get to the point of like wanting to do any of these modalities, Like what happens when the energy gets so full?

00:53:39
Speaker 1: Like yeah, people like what do they call it? Spent? Spin out? What do they call it right now? Like crash out?

00:53:45
Speaker 4: But also like I think it shows up in ways that we don't recognize, like when men are like overly like overtly you know, like it's a leaky energy because you haven't fine tuned yourself. You haven't taken the time and energy to fine tune whatever's going on inside of you. And so like I heard you say that then, like I've heard that before, and I was like, what the fuck does that mean?

00:54:04
Speaker 1: Leaky ass energy?

00:54:06
Speaker 4: But now I understand it better, Like can you elaborate leaky energy in what sense?

00:54:12
Speaker 1: Like I don't know. I just saw some one of your podcasts about.

00:54:14
Speaker 7: Just like energetic leakages. Yeah, so our energy, if we think about it, it's like the strongest when we point and direct it towards something, but in our society it's like pointed and directed towards a million different things. So for example, you wake up and you check your phone and then you voice note three friends, and then you're drinking your coffee, but then one of them sent you a voicema box, so you stop what you're doing listen to that voice not and then you kind of forgot what you even just said. And then it's like this and now you're responding to an email and it's like all these fragments right, like even around voice snoting. So I was just in Guatemala doing this womb healing thing, and the first thing the spirit was like stop voice dooting people all the time, because it's like, if you think about it, it's like I'm in one time space reality and I'm having this thought, I send.

00:54:56
Speaker 1: It to you.

00:54:57
Speaker 7: You're listening to it hours later, and then you're in what whatever you're doing. You don't see my facial expressions, you don't know, we're not we're not together. And then you're like trying to even like remember what I just said at the end of it, because I just talked for ten minutes and then you're like, yeah, totally, and then you're just reporting back what's happening in your life. And then I hours later am listening to that out of my reality and I forgot what I even said to you, And it's like these fragments, and it's like, that's what most connection is today. Oh, we've voiced on every day. It's not going to give you anything that us being here in person making eye contact. Maybe sure there's bodies each other's energies.

00:55:34
Speaker 1: Is gonna do.

00:55:35
Speaker 7: It's like junk food connection. It's easy because I don't actually have to hop on a call and listen to you talk back. I'm just gonna word vomit all of my things and then you're gonna word vomit all of your things. But we're not actually connecting, we're not actually understanding. It's creating so much energy leakage in our world right now, especially women, like we are more primed to seek connection. Like, if you think about it, when we were in tribes, like we needed to know what the whole tribe was thinking, and do you like me and I we're gonna get kicked out. But that's like really working against us in the social world. Because you have a thought about someone, You're like, I need to message them, and then it's like we're con Like the moment you sit down and meditate, it's I need to message all these people. It's like that survival part of our brain that's like if I'm not top of mind, if I if people don't like me, then I won't be okay. And so a lot of it is actually getting really clear of like who do you want in your life, Like make who's your inner circle? You know, who are the five people you're actually really going to keep in touch with and invest your time and energy. Then who are like the ten people after that? And then and then maybe you have your acquaintances and really being aware because I feel we have so many of these like half sided, not really reciprocal friendships that we're just holding onto and it's just creating so much just energy energetic chaos. Plus the other thing about energy leakages is speaking about something that's still an idea that hasn't happened.

00:56:54
Speaker 1: So when we let's say I have this.

00:56:56
Speaker 7: Idea of like I want to create like a vegan ice cream shop, and I don't know if I'm going to be a to do it. I'm in my head And then I talk about it to my mom and she's like, yeah, no way, have you seen brick and mortar. They're failing right now, And you know, she would smash the idea down and then it would never happen. So so many people are like preemptively like asking for advice, you know, women, especially permissions.

00:57:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, permission? What do you think? What do you think?

00:57:19
Speaker 7: When I started dating, I was like, I have no idea how this works, especially like I was like, I can't trust myself with the man, you know, So I would just like, especially on these dating apps, I would like send the screenshots to like five of my friends.

00:57:32
Speaker 1: What do I say? Yeah?

00:57:33
Speaker 7: What color is his aura?

00:57:34
Speaker 4: Like?

00:57:35
Speaker 7: What do you think about him? Like? And then so then they're all giving their feedback. So I'm having this conversation with him that five different people wrote. None of them are being me, and then I'm wondering why it's not going anywhere. It's like, if you want a relationship, you have to be real. And that's been another huge part of what I've been learning right now is most of us start relationships with like he took me on dates and he got me flowers, and it's like putting the best face forward. So you think you're getting in a relationship with that, but that is.

00:58:01
Speaker 3: Just And then they're like, he love bombed me. That's like, no, bitch, you told rush, you said everything that you wanted, and then he did it, and then he was burnt out and now he's.

00:58:11
Speaker 7: Because for some reason our society, dating and relationships are two different categories. You date to try to win that person over. I'm on the date thinking what do you like so I can be it rather than an actual relationship. Is let me show you the shittiest parts of me, you know, because that is who you're going to be.

00:58:27
Speaker 4: We ship forward, you know, and so you're going this, bitch, so this, I feel like we should start dating. Ship forward. Lay out all your ship let me decide if I can handle it. Come up, come blank face, no mascarat. You know, honestly, a bad day after work, I want to do the date today.

00:58:44
Speaker 1: I've had a horrible day. Let's let's talk now.

00:58:47
Speaker 3: You know, I think going back two things because I want to get I want to get into you know, your journey and dating and celibacy before we get out of here. But then also I have to go back because you were saying how women need a lot of permission, and you know, this is something that we teach at our retreats a lot and talk about in depth that our retreats and on the show, and even more recently, I realized how I was asking for permission and not realizing even going on this experience for my birthday. I went to do this with Darkness Retreat and I started telling people like you think I should go, like and then everyone started like throwing their shit at me, like what the fuck?

00:59:23
Speaker 1: Why would you ever want to do that? Like it's a cult. They're white people.

00:59:26
Speaker 3: Why are you gonna go in a hole in an organ They're gonna like they're gonna sell your organs on the black market. Did you look at the highlight reel They're looked like they were raising little cult babies. And I was like, holy shit, Like I like my first instinct was to go, like I had no fear, Like I was just like God said, for some reason, these dates aligned and they happened to be on my birthday.

00:59:45
Speaker 1: It sounds like I must go.

00:59:47
Speaker 3: And then I started asking for permission, and then I almost listened. And then when I was in the cave, I was like, fuck these people, Like I can't believe I almost let these people fucking like keep me from my cave, from my next awakening, and like I was like, how many times do people do this? And I know how many times people do it because I talk to them. I coach them at my retreats all the time, you know, And here I was, actually, you know, having this deep lesson for myself, because yes, what I did was intense. I'm an intense person. I'm a fucking scorpio. Like what do you want from me? I'm I'm made for death and rebirth. That's what I do. And of course I shouldn't ask you, miss safety, whatever sign you are, like I should. I need to go and do this for myself. And I just think about how often we literally hold ourselves back from our next right of passage, our next awakening, finding our dharma by asking other people they what we should do with our lives, where like we're not even on the same path, We're on totally two different paths. Like, of course this doesn't make sense to you, you know, And so if you're listening and you're in the middle of making a decision for your like, just do it. Don't ask for permission anymore.

01:01:03
Speaker 1: Stop it.

01:01:03
Speaker 3: Stop asking your mom, who was always judged every fucking thing you've ever done. Don't do it. Don't ask even your best friend who has a problem being alone. Why would you ask someone who literally can't be alone if you should go be alone?

01:01:16
Speaker 1: Of course they're going to tell you now. So anyway, I just had to say that I love that.

01:01:20
Speaker 7: Like, so, when I was really on the Dharmain discovery path, I went on advice detox around asking people what to do with my life because I would like meet someone and be like, so, what do you think I should do with my entire life? Like maybe maybe you know? And it was the same thing. I went to Bali and my my parents are these are all spiritual white people, like you're not like them, like, and I'm just.

01:01:38
Speaker 1: Like, damn, I've only had white hippie parents living my purpose, you know.

01:01:43
Speaker 7: But but thank god, eventually I was like, I'm just going to stop asking advice from everyone, you know, because the white hippies were like that was their own world. But then my parents were their own world. And it was just like just really learning to listen to myself. But more recently in August, it was around dating because I was that was my crutch of just like it's almost becomes a bonding thing with your friends too, of like after be the entertaining one because I'm single, you know, So I'm just like I was a.

01:02:05
Speaker 1: Little this guy that guy.

01:02:06
Speaker 7: What happened, and and it was just like just stop it. Literally the voice of the medicine was like, stop asking for advice, stop talking about it, and see what happens by February fourteen. So ladies, I'll let you know after February fourteen, somebody that you're talking to right now, kind of which surprisingly happened like right after that. But then I catch myself of wanting to ask for advice, especially for me. I love an astrologer, I love a psychic.

01:02:32
Speaker 1: I can always go to a site.

01:02:33
Speaker 7: You It was like nothing, no powder, napp. I was already on that ship. We're soulmates, by.

01:02:39
Speaker 1: The way, is just saying so. But besides that, I'm so tempted. And it's like, because here's the thing.

01:02:48
Speaker 7: The Western astrologer told you something the Vedic astrologer told you something else, and then it's like it's just giving up your power again and again. It's like the truth is. You know what was so interesting when I found out I was being cheated on, I'm like fucking gritted this entire place. There's selen Nite, you know, all the crystals. I'm friends with every top healer, psychic, seanan astrologery.

01:03:07
Speaker 1: This none of them told me this there like you all don't know shit? Yeah, all my friendless fuck you.

01:03:12
Speaker 2: Yeah.

01:03:12
Speaker 7: Then I was just like, how did you not see? And they're like, oh, just must have been like.

01:03:17
Speaker 1: A hidden it was a shadow. Yeah, he was really hiding it good.

01:03:21
Speaker 7: But that was like the humbling I needed of, just like like if you are not meant to know something, you will not know, and you just have to. It's like, instead of asking the psychic and spending four hundred fucking dollars on your sessions, wait like two weeks and you'll probably just know.

01:03:34
Speaker 6: You literally.

01:03:34
Speaker 3: I just had this conversation with my mom because my mom has been going through a challenging time in her life and she's really like my connection to the esoteric early on in my childhood, like always, like Susan Miller was like her God, and we were on astrology zone at like aged eleven and shit, and she's been going through this time and like you know, she's like she's into it, but she's also highly critical. So I'm always like curious, like why the fuck are you even meeting with these people because you like kind of hate them anyway. But like she was like asking me for all my connections, like hey, can you ask can you get an appointment? Blah blah blah, And then I was I got an apointment blah blah blah, and then like, hey, what about this other one? And can you get me appoint with her? And I'm like okay, I got in front with her, Hey can you And then like after like six people in like six months.

01:04:16
Speaker 1: I was like, mom, what are you looking for? Like because every time I ask you what happened and you're.

01:04:22
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, it's cool, yes whatever, Yeah, maybe I'm like, so what the fuck is the point? Like you need to just sit with yourself and like, but I get it. When you're in a space of extreme you feel like the world is like pulling the rug from under you. You can't even you feel like you can't trust your inner voice, and so you need to you start seeking outwardly, when actually that is like the biggest time to go inward like that is when you're probably going to get the most, the truest answer.

01:04:54
Speaker 1: And but I get it. It's like, is it the true answer?

01:04:56
Speaker 3: Like that was I was, I've I've gone astray before, and it's like, no, typically you've gone astray because you've allowed other people to like help guide your life. And that really, I mean for her, I think that's really what it is too.

01:05:08
Speaker 7: And the answer hits different when you came up with it yourself and someone telling you could be like the most simple thing. It's like, trust your gut. But when you had that realization after four days of silence, you're gonna listen to that versus some psychic, you're like, oh, shouldn't really tell you anything.

01:05:21
Speaker 4: Right, You'll forget, You'll roll over that real exactly first you don't know shit.

01:05:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, So back to dating. I heard yourself of it. How long has it been?

01:05:29
Speaker 1: Almost two years? Congratulation, crazy congratulation. Yeah.

01:05:33
Speaker 7: At first, I was like, you know, when I first we came saying like I was with him, so I was twenty four, So I was like, I'm gonna go for Chris Brown.

01:05:39
Speaker 1: Miguel like, yeah, I know that toxic dank god.

01:05:43
Speaker 7: I was like in my mind, I was like, I'm gonna be wild and free, you know, And then I was just like, no, I also have you know, values and want to be safe.

01:05:52
Speaker 1: I know too much? Yeah, too much. But it was like almost, it's interesting.

01:05:56
Speaker 7: I feel like what happens in to break up, you like go back to like all the ages that you were in relationship. I've seen that happen with a lot of people. So I like went back to like being twenty four of like, because that was the last time I was single, So I didn't really know. I was just like, I guess, like you just go to the club and come on there. Well, and going to the club, I'm like, I don't think I would even talk to any of you guys. So that was an interesting journey. But my womb spirit guys really protected me. They were just like, we will not let anyone infiltrate the field. So it wasn't this conscious choice by any means, and it would just be like, honestly, I think I had just gone so deep spiritually that in my head these things sounded like a good idea. But the actuality of someone who was like not attuned to my emotions, so I would probably never hear from again. I was just like no, you know. And then the deeper I went into, so I would say the first six months were like the rewiring of like how we see sex as like intimacy and love and like closeness, and so it was like hard, you know. Also just like being around a physic like a man, right, It was just like it was just crazy to me. But after six months, I was like, wow, I feel so clear, And I started to realize how much the womb. Because the womb, it magnifies everything, it amplifies everything.

01:07:04
Speaker 1: It's literally creates life.

01:07:05
Speaker 7: So I was transmuting a lot of what my ex was going through without even knowing it. For example, I had a driving phobia for years. It happened once I was like driving a car in twenty nineteen and I felt kind of lightheaded, and I had this thought of like what if I lose control of the car, what would happen? And I was like, saw myself imagine I crashed this that, and then that really scared me. Then every time I would drive, that thought would come up, and it became a phobia. Then COVID happened, so I didn't need to drive a car, So for like three ish years I did not drive at all. I would just take ubers and I remember thinking, I'm like, damn, like if I have kids, what am I gonna do? Just uber around with them?

01:07:44
Speaker 1: Like I need to face this.

01:07:45
Speaker 7: But it was like that I would get like panic attacks while driving.

01:07:49
Speaker 1: Once I stopped having sex with this man, driving phobia was gone. You're like.

01:07:56
Speaker 7: Drive through the Swiss Alps in the frozen Arctic tundra.

01:08:02
Speaker 1: Like singing on Break Mine.

01:08:06
Speaker 7: Again, and like it was crazy.

01:08:09
Speaker 1: I was just like that, nothing happened.

01:08:10
Speaker 7: I was just like it was his own energy like this, and maybe even my own energy with him being out of control, like a psychic out of control, your life could crash kind of thing. And so I started to realize. I was like, damn, like be really mindful of who you let into your roomb space. Would you want to become this person? Because you are going to become more like that. So if I don't want to become like you, I'm not going to amplify you because I am creating life.

01:08:36
Speaker 1: And then lets you come in me, come near me.

01:08:41
Speaker 7: So after a year, I was like, oh my God, like I and then I went so deep into just like any kind of like sexual and relational shadow and wound. So I was just like after that, I was like, and I learned this about myself of like I really can't have sex without love, Like I need to feel that heart connection with someone for my body to open up, for me to feel safe, for me to like actually unleash my freak, you know. And so I just kind of decided like until I really feel a heart a deep heart connection, and the further along you go, it's like that kind of raises of like actually wanting a relationship with someone. And also I'm very deep into tantra as well, and I'm just like I don't even like guys that I've like made out with or whatever. It's just like I can already feel like the It's interesting because some men are amazing at dancing.

01:09:25
Speaker 1: But then when you go a little bit.

01:09:26
Speaker 7: Further, it's like this porn like disconnect thing that happens in their brains that they just become like like running a machine like a program. And I'm just like, it's just I mean, porn is such a huge epidemic with the men today, you know, And I really believe there's entities that are coming through with the pornography that a lot of like priests, women are realizing and talking about, because if you think about it, they're like giving their life force to you through yeah, not through not to you're giving it to these sex trafficked women who you know are against their will, and these really dark ways and a lot of these porn rabbit holes.

01:09:58
Speaker 4: You know.

01:09:59
Speaker 7: You start with like, I don't know, like a little bit of something kinky, and then it's like maybe you like gangbangs, maybe you like trans hookers maybe, and it's like gets more and more extreme, and then once you see that thing, you're like you've become so stimulated by it that you need more and more and more are and then the shame that happens, especially if you grew up Christian or something, And it's a huge problem with the men today, you know.

01:10:19
Speaker 4: And they suppress these secrecy and like this exactly.

01:10:24
Speaker 7: So what a woman taught me is like, wait three months to have sex with the man, because it will take three months for you to really see his shadows and for you to really decide do I want to fuck with this energy? Or not, and so that's what I've been doing. And most of the time I find out around six weeks You're like, it's when the stuff comes out, and then you never regret not fucking them.

01:10:43
Speaker 1: Never ever. Anybody you wish you would have fucked me?

01:10:51
Speaker 4: Yeah, like is there now I'm thinking, like, I mean, probably, but best because they weren't in my in my in my like energy field for three months enough to know.

01:11:04
Speaker 1: It's more like they were a distant person.

01:11:05
Speaker 3: And I'm still like, I'm still fantasizing around what I what it could have been. Like, No one I wish I could have fucked that was in my stratosphere for three months and then didn't know I.

01:11:18
Speaker 1: Should give me some pussy. No no, no, no no.

01:11:22
Speaker 3: Perhaps when I was like much younger and insecure or something like, maybe he would have stayed if I would have given But I probably did give him pussy because I had way less boundaries.

01:11:30
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I could have sat on Chris brown Stick.

01:11:33
Speaker 4: I'm sorry that he cheated on you, But up until today, I was like, I should have done that, But now I triedn't need to do that. Oh oh oh you you wish she.

01:11:43
Speaker 1: Pulled it out and made out with him, and then he pulled it out. I was really young.

01:11:47
Speaker 4: I was like eighteen, and I was like and he was really young too, and I was like in the back of a tour bus, and so I was like, this is a.

01:11:53
Speaker 1: Bit getting essential was the makeout central.

01:11:55
Speaker 4: It was a good makeout, but it was also like there's like there's these two girls that didn't know outside the bus waiting for me. I felt like a hoe and I was like, I gotta get out of here. For everybody thinks I'm a hoe. But up until yesterday, I was like, she just did it. She just sat on it. But yeah, I'm fine. I've survived and I didn't need to do it.

01:12:12
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Was before he had any of the best allegations.

01:12:15
Speaker 3: Guys, this is this the first time you've been still of it, like consciously in this way.

01:12:20
Speaker 7: I mean, it's interesting because I do have a pattern when I'm single, like I tend to it's just hard for me. Again, I'm such a romantic person.

01:12:27
Speaker 1: Your Capricorn music.

01:12:28
Speaker 7: Yeah, so there was maybe like a pretty much a year, but never two years in my life and to not even be in a relationship for this long. So that's been really interesting, and I'm like, now, like it's at first I felt like my arm was chopped off. I didn't know how to be without relationship. And now I'm like, oh, I see why women in their fifties are like, fuck it, let's just live together. Like why I have.

01:12:48
Speaker 1: A pink apartment. I'm like, how can I let this go?

01:12:50
Speaker 2: You know?

01:12:51
Speaker 7: But I do think there's this, like, you know, being single and doing all the things that I wish I could do, traveling, music videos, all the things. I'm like, I do feel, at least in my heart, there's just this special heart that is reserved for partnership that I just think is core to the feminine being of like we really are purposes, really are love, Like we are really here to.

01:13:09
Speaker 1: Give and receive love.

01:13:11
Speaker 7: And I think that's the biggest issue in our lives right now, is like the feminine wants to give so much, and it's like to give to someone who's going to and it's not always going to be fifty to fifty reciprocal, but like have a harmonious exchange. I have found that to be the challenge and also too, like the feminine has risen so much so like especially in La it's like we make more money than you. We're like more on our shit, more of this, moret that. So it's like, what do you actually do you inspire me? Do you anything for me? And so I see a lot of women in myself like struggle with that of like, Okay, if I am going to devote myself to someone, it's like, are you the person worthy of me devoting to Yeah?

01:13:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh absolutely.

01:13:51
Speaker 3: I went on a celibacy journey and I recently ended it. And I've been with my partner almost for a year now, So you ended it.

01:13:58
Speaker 7: With your partner, Okay, I'd been a year mm hmm.

01:14:05
Speaker 3: We didn't have sex for the first seven months of our relationship and I've never done anything like that. I've never been like, yeah, this is my boyfriend and we've never fucked.

01:14:16
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, is this Erica? Is this is you? Hello?

01:14:20
Speaker 3: But I had come out of such a toxic relationship and I did not trust myself. I did not I felt like I couldn't even imagine imagine like a penis approaching me, like getting even close to like my clothing. Like I was just like, get a fucking way and and so and he was also I think it was really helpful that he was also on his own celibacy journey, Like way before even meeting me, he'd already been celibate for over a year, So us saying okay, we're in this together was a lot easier because we could. There was a lot of checks and balances, like whenever there was a moment of weakness, like one person normally him would He's a very disciplined man, would like, you know, recenter us, but you.

01:15:06
Speaker 7: Choose a period of time like we're going to spend the first seven months of the relationship.

01:15:09
Speaker 1: No, there wasn't. We didn't. We didn't have a time limit on it. It was like when we know, we'll know.

01:15:15
Speaker 3: And it was such a beautiful chapter in our love space. And like I want to say I miss it because I'm very much enjoying the sex I'm having, but I would say it deepened the relationship and the sexual experience in a way that I've never experienced before. And creating intimacy and really having to get creative with how you share intimate intimacy with someone was like so profound and it still keeps unfolding in our relationship in different ways. And I just like I think that so many women we give up our bodies so easily out of fear because we think if we don't, they're going to leave us, or even out of like just our own sexual liberation and like wanting to receive pleasure. I deserve this pleasure, but it's like sometimes like at what cost though, because when that person leaves or it doesn't work out, of course we all feel like shit, right, like.

01:16:09
Speaker 1: Why the fuck did I give him that?

01:16:11
Speaker 3: Like I shouldn't have never done that, or sometimes we don't Like I've had times where I'm like, I don't regret it, fuck it, but I just I'm just I'm happy for you, and I'm really excited to hear like how how February fourteenth works out for you and and and beyond, just because I don't how powerful, how powerful that can be in rebuilding intimacy with with yourself most importantly, but then also the person that you choose to share your body with.

01:16:34
Speaker 1: So congratulations, thank you.

01:16:37
Speaker 2: Yeah.

01:16:37
Speaker 7: So what practices where you guys doing to create more intimacy with each other?

01:16:42
Speaker 3: Just a lot like physically in the physical space, a lot of I gazing, a lot of just deep, deep conversations a lot of just body work, touching each other, a lot of aff for like affirmation to body parts. I mean, I was we were we were playing with things, but we were not you know, penetrating things. Created a lot of safety too, just in sitting with someone and being so vulnerable, even being naked, and then like not wanting anything from you and like not crossing the line, truly not crossing the line, like created such safety in my body because I did not trust myself. I did not trust I didn't trust my choice in men. I didn't trust my ability to say no. I didn't trust like even now, we had sex recently, and we have sex all the time, but we had sex the other day and I was telling him like I really had to check myself sometimes, like when I'm receiving pleasure, I've noticed how I still perform and it feels good.

01:17:49
Speaker 1: But does it feel that good?

01:17:52
Speaker 2: You know?

01:17:52
Speaker 1: Like, am I moaning really loud? Did I stroke his ego? It's not even him, it's my own. It's like my own shit.

01:18:00
Speaker 3: I don't even know, like if it's makes me a better lover, if I'm louder, like I told him this, Yeah, I did, was I wasn't telling him that he wasn't pleasing. It was just like I had this moment during sex where I was like, it's just am I moaning?

01:18:14
Speaker 1: Why my moaning so loud? Is it? Is it equal?

01:18:16
Speaker 6: Like?

01:18:16
Speaker 1: Is it equal the what I makes receiving?

01:18:19
Speaker 3: I'm like just knowing how deeply ingrained the performative like sexual nature is to women and to me too, and and and then I asked him, like do men do this? Like do men like do you feel like performative when you're having sex? Like do you feel like And he said not in the way like that you think. It's more so like like when I'm like making checking to make sure that I'm not taking advantage of like my pleasure, like putting my pleasure before yours, and like using your body as like a masturbation a masturbation tool woman.

01:18:52
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I kind of like money use my body because.

01:18:55
Speaker 3: I like I'm kind of a sub but I get it. But yeah, like he was like, no, I don't. I don't think a lot of men have that same approach.

01:19:06
Speaker 7: Even like they try to like disconnect from their pleasure pleasure to last longer.

01:19:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, whereas.

01:19:11
Speaker 7: We're trying to amplify the pleasure of like you know, and I do think it's like sometimes with moaning loud, it's like it makes you more turned on. And that may be where it's coming from, right, but only you know, like to what level it's true for you.

01:19:23
Speaker 3: But like just like slow kissing for like two hours, like even not kissing, like doing a lot of close intimate stuff and like never even never even taking it to that and then like walking away and like that energy that's built is just like it's electric. I remember there was one time when we were first were I didn't even realize we were dating. He knew we were dating, but I didn't because I was still.

01:19:46
Speaker 1: In trauma mode.

01:19:48
Speaker 3: Like we just like sat there and like stared at each other for like ten minutes, and we like talks a little bit in between, and then like he left and walked out of the door, and like slowly I could see him, like walking slowly really like taking in the evening and like all pensive and shit. And then like I would close the door and I was my panties.

01:20:08
Speaker 4: Were soaked, and I was like did I say myself, Like what the fuck is going through?

01:20:13
Speaker 1: I was like I literally think I just like I think.

01:20:16
Speaker 7: I like, yeah, well, in the Pamisuthroid they write about like one of the biggest things for women is to be it was.

01:20:22
Speaker 3: It was like an energetic orgasm that happened, like and I could feel like my womb pulsating and like nothing had happened except just like conversation, staring and like feeling safe, you know, and like is he very spiritual?

01:20:36
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, very much.

01:20:37
Speaker 3: And so it's it's and it's and I'm so happy because I've been waiting for a man that I could even do these type of things with that would even allow the energy to build in this way and not violate the energy with like their shit, like okay, okay, that was enough, come over here, you know, you know. And so I feel very very grateful and very very blessed. And I really wish that for all women like to be able to like create that sacred space with their partner and find one that is willing to I don't want to say self sacrifice because at the end of the day, like it benefits both of us.

01:21:09
Speaker 7: And did he know all this stuff before you or was it his first time experiencing not with you?

01:21:13
Speaker 3: I think none he knew it before me, But I don't know. I think we've both been waiting for a person that we can fully put these things in practice with. I think we've had glimpses of it in relationships. We're both scorpios too, by the way, so it's like we're like just waiting for someone to be intense with that can match our intensities. And so I think that we've, like I said, like we've had glimpses of it, but never fully expressed like this.

01:21:42
Speaker 1: So it's really beautiful calling that in.

01:21:45
Speaker 4: I was going to say, it's coming, it's on. It's absolutely on its way. When you are intentional about your pussy and intentional about yourself, it's like inevitable that, like the inner like the next generation is going to be everything that you desire because you've taken the time and intention to really manifest and really sit in the energy of what that feels like and what that looks like. I think sometimes I was thinking about this as recently. Women are like I want him to be tall and dark and handsome and six' five and have make over seven. Figures you, Know but it's, like but what does it feel? Like what does the safety feel? Like BECAUSE i thought about that a lot BEFORE i was with my. Lover it's, like what kind of like the love That i'm desiring Because i'm kind of a wild girl AND i THINK i. WAS i was like gonna be a hoe. Forever no one can take, it you, know And i'm gonna be. JUDGED i talk about sex on the, internet but there was LIKE i need someone equally as, wild equally as like accepting equalis out of the. Box AND i would think about that energy a, lot like what does that feel like IF i had someone who's my friend and was, like, yeah, baby dance on that, table you know WHAT i? Mean and like that's really WHAT i called. In but it wasn't like what he looked like or how is he going to show? Up but it was like how is it going to? Feel to feel? Safe you? Know AND i think when you're intentional like you've, been you can't miss, babe That february fourteenth is gonna.

01:22:55
Speaker 1: Hit i'll keep you all.

01:22:57
Speaker 7: POSTED i can't, wait, Guys i'm still, solvent you.

01:23:02
Speaker 1: Know we'll. See we usually ask our guests to share an.

01:23:06
Speaker 4: Affirmation, wait, first pull a, card and Then i'm Gonna i'm gonna look it up when you share your, affirmation pull.

01:23:11
Speaker 1: A, card.

01:23:25
Speaker 7: Permit and.

01:23:29
Speaker 1: Oh the three pednacles.

01:23:31
Speaker 7: H read.

01:23:33
Speaker 1: Me, no you can tell us your. Affirmation i'm gonna look at.

01:23:36
Speaker 7: It i'm.

01:23:36
Speaker 1: Not i'm almost here a, queen.

01:23:38
Speaker 7: So my affirmation will be, trust, flow, surrender let. GO i find myself still saying that to myself in my head every TIME i try to future project and control and figure. Out and if this doesn't happen by the, state THEN i. Can't it's like trust to, flow, surrender let. Go i'm the One i've been wait, info, trust.

01:23:56
Speaker 1: Flow, surrender let. Go i've the One i've been wait, info Trust, somanda leg. Go i'm the One i've been wait. Info, okay just so.

01:24:05
Speaker 3: You, KNOW i DON'T i know you don't know this about, us But memila are expert video.

01:24:09
Speaker 1: Hosts we have been in four music videos. Together we're a.

01:24:13
Speaker 3: Team, Melanie, Fiona, Duran, Bernard, Jessica, Rose, Lizzy Jeff.

01:24:18
Speaker 7: Lizzy you have with, us and we have a music video coming. OUT i wish you guys were in It Rising yes and you.

01:24:24
Speaker 4: Guys lizzie even wrote a line about us in one of her, Songs yes, song.

01:24:29
Speaker 1: Smoking on that good bong listening to Good. Mom, YEA i love.

01:24:34
Speaker 7: That oh My.

01:24:35
Speaker 1: God shout out To Lizzie, jeff we Love.

01:24:37
Speaker 3: Lizzie if you haven't checked out our episodes With lizzie and make sure you.

01:24:40
Speaker 1: Do they are top top tier.

01:24:43
Speaker 3: EPISODES i think we did a four twenty one and then just a random random.

01:24:46
Speaker 1: ONE i love the next.

01:24:48
Speaker 7: Video i'm hitting all.

01:24:49
Speaker 3: Up, okay, yeah we're. Ready we're a team or a. Unit we only do videos. Together anyone.

01:24:53
Speaker 4: Listening if you have any videos dropping and doing some, casting just call. Us, yeah BOOKINGS a just feed us so it is our. PAY i just looked up The. Hermit this is very, interesting my. Dear soul, searching, introspection being, alone and inner guidance are some of the words that is for this.

01:25:14
Speaker 1: Card The hermit shows that you.

01:25:15
Speaker 4: Can you are taking a break from everyday life to draw your energy and. Attention which has.

01:25:21
Speaker 1: Happened i'm going to ask you to do.

01:25:22
Speaker 4: That The hermit shows that you are taking a break from every day life to draw your energy and attention inward and find the answers you seek deep within your. Soul you realize that your most profound sense of truth and knowledge is within yourself and not in the distractions of the outside. World you leave behind the mundane to set off on a journey of self, discovery led only by your inner wisdom and guiding. Light now is the perfect time to go on a weekend retreat or sacred pilgrimage To, dubai anything in which you can contemplate your, motivations personal values and, principles and get closer to your authentic. Self the hermit invites you to retreat into your private world and experience a deep sense of seclusion and. Interce you know that you need to take a journey alone or with a small antimate group of spiritual spiritually minded. People when you allow yourself to tune into your inner guiding, light you'll hear the answers you need and grow wise beyond your. Years find your, light shine in on your soul and create your unique. Path you'll see what lies ahead of, you not miles upon, miles but enough to know where to step. Next from, there take one step at a. Time shout out To Bitty.

01:26:25
Speaker 7: TARA i love that Because i'm going To india for a month. Before oh, really that would be my hermit.

01:26:30
Speaker 4: Time love. This see, now the cards never, lie do you want to hear The three pinnacles?

01:26:34
Speaker 1: Too, okay let's see that's not.

01:26:37
Speaker 7: It and it's funny because the thing that was hardest for me being single is being, alone, like and SO i would really sit with like why is that so hard for?

01:26:45
Speaker 1: Me you?

01:26:46
Speaker 7: Know and WHEN i would get to the bottom of, it was this feeling of like If i'm, alone LIKE i don't, EXIST i don't, matter And i'm, like why DO i feel like? That it's, like because If i'm not of service to someone, else THEN i don't deserve to. Live that was like the, deep unlike ancestral belief that probably so many women in my lineage.

01:27:04
Speaker 1: Act AND i was just, like of.

01:27:06
Speaker 7: COURSE i deserve to live If i'm not of service to someone. Else so the reason why WHEN i would feel that lonely, Feeling i'd be, like get On instagram each, chocolate get on a dating, out do something was because of that underlying core. Belief and ONCE i go was honest and reframed, that it was just, like of. Course and then what it made me realize is like what a gift it is to be?

01:27:25
Speaker 4: Alone you.

01:27:25
Speaker 7: Know it's, LIKE i, mean you guys have have. Daughters but it's like it showed me in the. Future it's like one day you're gonna have kids and you're gonna.

01:27:31
Speaker 1: Wish you had alone, too, girl you.

01:27:33
Speaker 7: Know and here you are crying an organ to be.

01:27:41
Speaker 4: Alone that speaks volumes too about your lineage in. General when you're thinking about you, know your you're like the women in like in your family who have probably felt a lot like their purpose was their. Men and just like how many like years and hundreds of years back has that that that existed in your, bloodline this, patriarchy and you like like breaking that. Shit you don't this is not your purpose and you're not needed in this. Way you have your own purpose and your own, dharma which was probably so cluttered with shit because of you, know the patriarchy and like religion and all these other. Things but all, yeah but just, Cellularly, yeah on a cellular, level it's hard to break because. Painful, yeah that's a specific thing to come.

01:28:21
Speaker 3: Up it's like it's not when a crackhead goes into like like three have and they're, like you know how painful it is to like detox draw the, ship, like, yeah.

01:28:32
Speaker 4: The three of, pinnacles the, stone the stone mason couldn't build the cathedral without the help of the, architects and they couldn't build it without. Him each person has an important role to, play and when they come together as a team they can they can create something much more significant than if they were undertaking the project on their. Own so when the three Of pinnacles turns up in the tarot reading take it as a sign to collaborate with, others create synergies to achieve big. Results the three Of pinnacles represents the value of different ideas and levels of experience and. Collaboration the architects respect and specialized knowledge of the. Stones the stonemason and the stone mason appreciates the wisdom and experience of the. Architects even though their, backgrounds, experience levels of expertise are very. Different they can come together to share their insight in a way that creates synergy and improves the finished. Product so this card is all about, teamwork, collaboration learning and.

01:29:23
Speaker 1: Implementation february.

01:29:25
Speaker 3: Four maybe after your, Hermity, yeah maybe after your pilgrimage.

01:29:28
Speaker 1: And make a. Team but, YEAH i think it's like women.

01:29:33
Speaker 7: Are the ones who ultimately support each other more than. Anything absolutely you, know it's like and you're in so much for a relationship and romance partner and spend all of our, time but it's, like at the end of the, day even when you're in the, relationship it's like your girls will understand you in a way that no one else.

01:29:44
Speaker 1: Will, Amen i'll shay to.

01:29:46
Speaker 4: That, yeah women understand. Women, well thank you badass women for coming on our. SHOW i really appreciate your energy and your. Sharing can you tell our people where they can find?

01:29:56
Speaker 7: You, yeah so they can connect with me On. INSTAGRAM i am SAHAR i Have dharma archetype quiz to learn more about your. DHARMA i have dosha quizes as. Well they're all on my website i amsaharos dot. Com you can check out my podcast as. Well hi a, self so thank you all so much for having me. Here we'll also link my music as.

01:30:13
Speaker 1: Well, yes, yes we have, to.

01:30:15
Speaker 3: And y'all know where to find us At Good Mom's Underscore Bad choices On, Instagram Good Momsbad choices dot. Com check out our, retreats check out our merch check out all the, shit and make sure if you're listening to this On, apple which eighty nine percent of you ARE i need you.

01:30:31
Speaker 1: To go and leave us a? Review pretty pretty?

01:30:33
Speaker 7: Please right?

01:30:34
Speaker 1: Now don't.

01:30:34
Speaker 4: Pasco don't let someone text you and send you a voice notes so you forget leave the fucking. Review you listen to all this. Beautiful if you.

01:30:42
Speaker 3: Don't know what to, say just say. Whatever your favorite part of this episode is in the Review easy.

01:30:47
Speaker 1: Peasy thank, YOU i love, you and little talkson hye hie please, Yeah i'm?

01:30:55
Speaker 4: Good this so?

01:30:55
Speaker 1: Good can't you?

01:30:56
Speaker 6: SALE i went through with drought that's STILL i found a will may might have been On. EARTH i used to be broken, hell now got the blues in to like beyoncey just hell throat shot or pop in his car where in their, voices patriarchy kept it in the box to it's. Footage women put the pee and, powers so what's? Pointless they want me to be, good SO i mean bad.

01:31:14
Speaker 1: Choices bad. Mom not a bad, mom but a bad. Mom it's in the cannapus in their.

01:31:19
Speaker 6: Bath bon walked in bossls cap AND i blew his cat.

01:31:22
Speaker 5: Balls hot.

01:31:23
Speaker 6: Dog Now i'm immune to the cat called her being, no waisted straight to it like a dollar. Sign mother rent the lover when too with it's like a water sign where you're renting winter essential With when the, SUMMERTIME i do What god ain't no one that needs to run it by