Embracing a Clear-Headed New Year: The Transformative Power of Dry January and Midlife Sobriety

So variety is not a test. Taking a challenge is wonderful for you to do, to give yourself that perspective and that break, but look at it, going into it and keep reminding yourself. You know why am I doing this every day? It's a great way to wake up in the morning. This is why I choose to be alcohol-free today Instead of looking at it as I've got to do it for 31 days. Look at the process that you're creating every single day, and not the outcome so much, and stay focused on what matters most to you, because living alcohol-free is really a movement that is happening, and I believe that in midlife you combine aging with no longer relying on a chemical substance that is alcohol. You give yourself a next chapter of life that you may never have thought you would have written.

Hey there, welcome to Grace Health, the podcast for women who want simple and grace-filled ways to take care of themselves and enjoy a little chocolate. My name is Amy Connell. I'm a certified personal trainer and nutrition coach who wants you to know your eating, movement and body don't have to be perfect, you just need to be able to do what you're called to do. Happy New Year. How we feeling. This is airing on January 2nd 2024. January 2nd is often kind of the first day of the rest of the year for many of us, depending on what New Year's Eve looks like for you, depending on if you've had family visits, you know January 1st sometimes is a bit of a reset and then we are kind of into our year in January 2nd or maybe that's just me. I have had a wonderful season with family and various people visiting and then, unfortunately, because of COVID, didn't get to have my parents down for Christmas like we normally do, so they were very missed, but I guess that is just our new normal and I know that I will be able to see them in the next several weeks. Now, with the New Year and the new month, many of us are having different goals than maybe we would have in September. One of those is often a dry January. I wanted to bring on my very favorite midlife sobriety coach on the show today to talk about dry January. Lori Massakott has been on the show a couple of times, most recently in season 18, episode nine, when we talked about tackling holiday stress and overwhelm and tips to thriving the season. So that was a fun co-hosted episode. And then in season 15, episode 12, we had a curious conversation about sober living and its joyful benefits. Today Lori and I talk about kind of all things dry January, about Lori's former relationship with alcohol, knowing our expectations for the month when dry January is not appropriate, the power of plans in difficult situations and then resources and sobriety podcast to support your journey. The other thing I will mention and we talk about this a couple of times in the episode is we are having a dry January challenge through our Grace Health Community Facebook group. This will be a private group, a small group. Only those who have said yes, I'm in the challenge will be actually in this group. So it is a safe space to explore some of the things that we are talking about in today's episode, to explore your own relationship with alcohol and define your own goals and expectations and that is different for everyone. If you know me, you know I am all about giving ourselves grace, allowing ourselves to adjust and have it not be perfect. So if you are interested in joining us, the link is in the show notes and you are invited. If you don't want to do it alone, invite a friend. That's okay, even if they don't listen to the episode. I want to have this as a supportive and curious way to approach our January. So check out the link in the show notes for that and let's bring on Lori. Lori, I am so glad you're here, welcome.

I'm so glad to be here. Thank you so much for having me, friend.

Yes it's been. You know, I have just really enjoyed our time together. We shared on our co-hosting episode that we get together once a week and it's been so fun to have someone to work out all the kinks and to talk with and I just consider you such a great partner in what I do, even though what we do is relatively different. I mean, we're both focused on advocating and helping women take care of their health in different ways, but it's just been such a joy to be able to see you and work with you once a week, ditto.

I feel the same way, and it's nice because you know we can get really lonely when we're working for ourselves at home, and it's so nice to have you there during our power hours. You know where we get together and we do the hard things right, and so I just appreciate it, and I'm already thinking about what I wanna work on next week when we get together.

Yes, we hold each other accountable, which is so needed when you are a solo entrepreneur.

Yeah, and it's okay to admit that, because I was struggled with that, like I should be able to get this stuff done without anybody holding my hand or watching over me or asking me if I did it. It's like no, it's actually better when you have that accountability In so many areas of our lives, right, but especially like right now where we are with our businesses, it's tough, and especially when you're at home because you could just I'm gonna do some laundry, right, I'm gonna go take a nap.

Yes, and then the hard things do not get done. Well, you talk about accountability. I was gonna ask this a little bit later, but this is a great time to bring it up. So you offer some great accountability with your team alcohol free. So, before we even get into the whole dry January because I do think accountability is wonderful and that's why I wanted to talk about dry January today Tell us some about team alcohol free, what it does and what people get who are a member of that community.

Yeah, team alcohol free was born this year, 2023. I launched it in March of 2023. And it is a small community for women 35 and over. I always say you know, midlife and beyond I tapped it out at 35 is the age that it starts and beyond, and there is just a wonderful community that is forming and we have weekly meetings. I host two to three meetings a week and we do workshops together. We have I have a 30 day challenge inside there, the alcohol free habit kickstart, which, at the time we're recording this, amy, I'm updating everything which I've talked to you about and you know about, so you know, by the time this episode airs, I would say and go and check out team alcohol free, because there's gonna be all kinds of new things and I'm in the process of creating that right now. But I think the main thing is for me, my mission has always been to create a community, because when I quit drinking, I didn't know of anybody else who was doing it. Nobody around me was doing it. It wasn't talked about as much as it is today, and I know that that is something that so many women are missing out on. It helps for accountability, it helps for that daily inspiration because there is a feed inside the community which looks a lot like Facebook, but it's not Facebook, it's private and there's always something coming up and there are women just like you that are out there, you know, who are really needing that support. And it's so hard to join a community. I know I would have felt really awkward doing it, but I try to make it as welcoming as possible, and the women inside there also make it as welcoming as possible because they're all so supportive of each other. I just think community is number one for our toolboxes, or alcohol-free toolboxes.

It's really kind of number one for everything, honestly, and the studies that are coming out about how important relationships and community are and how lonely I know this isn't your focus, generation, but generation Z, I mean that just keeps coming up and up and up and we are. We're more connected and more lonely than ever. I mean both at the same time. So for those who haven't met you, can you give us a really quickly, a quick like just share your experience of alcohol and what made you transition to being alcohol-free.

I started drinking at 14, around 1982-ish, and I picked it up because everybody around me was drinking all my friends. I was very shy and socially anxious, definitely and so I started drinking at a party and after that, I just remember having that moment where it's like wow, I felt confident. I was out there, I was talking to people, I was doing like the opposite of what I would normally do, and from that moment on, it just like clicked, like this is the answer. This is my answer to everything. Right, and I was a very consistent drinker until I turned 45, which is when I was going through perimenopause. I was struggling with losing my mom A few years before that and I was, you know, really hadn't gone through the grieving process. I was feeling a lot of sadness and, again, perimenopause, a lot of the stuff was happening in my life and I just had no idea what was going on. So I got to a point where I, for two years, tried to make alcohol work. I tried to moderate, I tried to place rules on my drinking. I did all of that. I was so exhausted, I was literally exhausted by all of it, and so I chose, on August 11th 2013, to stop drinking, and that was something that I didn't think I could do, didn't think that I would enjoy doing, but in my heart and soul I knew that I can't go on like this. I can't imagine another 30 years of this. I can't imagine another month of this. I really need to take the road less traveled. And again, at that time there was, I wasn't in, I wasn't on social media, I didn't know of anybody talking about sobriety openly. I always thought that you know, it's something that we do anonymously and there's one route for everybody. If you quit drinking and I didn't want to take that route, I'm all for AA, whatever helps you. But for me there was so much shame around the fact that I could no longer control my alcohol that I decided I'm going to do it on my own and I'm just going to take it day to day, and that's what I did.

Wow, and here you are Guiding women through and making those same decisions. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah, thank you. I wanted to specifically talk about this concept of dry January with you today, one of the things that we did in my community after you came on last year. So you first aired I think it was like at the very end of November 2022. And so in January, we did a dry January through my private Facebook group, and what I did, what I chose to do, was I actually from there, I said who's in, who wants to do this? And then we made a smaller group from there because I wanted people who were, who raised their hand, to feel safe and that they didn't feel at risk of having other people just casually observing, like. I just wanted to create a safe environment and, lori, I have to tell you it is my favorite challenge that we have done so far. We had so many wonderful experiences with it and so we're doing it again and that's why I wanted you to come on. So, for people who either joined last year and want to do it again or are thinking, well, maybe this is the year, maybe this is a year, what if someone said I don't know, should I do a dry January. I mean, I think we could all assume that your answer would be yes, but tell us more. No, I mean not Okay, all right. So I want to know more about that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I wanted to look real quick while you were talking. I want to say where dry January came from and I wasn't sure of the date, but it started in 2013 by alcohol change in the UK, and so that's very interesting. That was the year I quit drinking and I didn't know of a dry January. There was nothing like that. But before, like in 2011 and 2012, when I was questioning my drinking, I came off the holiday exhausted, bloated. I felt horrible and I had spent all kinds of money. You know I had all of those resolutions for myself. You know I want to lose weight, I want to stop spending money, I want to do diet and lose 10 pounds. You know unrealistic expectations, and in 2011 was the first year where I said I think I need to take a break from drinking Again. Nobody was talking about this, but I took the whole month of January off. I didn't have a plan for myself after January 31st, which I know we're kind of going to talk about, and I liked it. I was really counting down the days until I could drink again. And then again in January 2012, I took yeah, I took that January off as well, and that was really helpful. I made it a little bit longer, and then I kind of caved out of family brunch and so I was really seeing the benefits of the other side of drinking. At the time, though, I didn't focus on like I'm going to quit drinking, so I was just doing it to really take a break. So I feel like our expectations and the reason why we're doing it matters the most, and for some people it's it's a great idea If you're doing it. As you know, I just kind of want to do this health challenge for myself. I want to really, you know, take a break from drinking. It's too much, I think. Going into it, though, definitely like know why you're doing it, know your expectations for it. Is this going to be something that is going to be a lifestyle change for you, or is this something you're doing for that? Just that 31 day challenge, just to take a break? Because either way, it's really a great thing to do, because you see the different perspectives of what it's like to drink and then not drink, and I think that's been a catalyst for a lot of women to go into living alcohol free. They may not have intended to in the beginning, but, man, they've seen the difference, they're feeling really great and so maybe they extend it another month or another two weeks. When I think it's not a good idea is when you know that you've either done this several times over and over again. You know, like, where I was. You know my drinking was taking over, it was controlling everything, and so I just had to stop and say you know what? I know that I need to transition into more of a forever lifestyle with living alcohol free, and that's what helped me the most. I feel like there's a lot of women putting a lot of pressure on themselves around the end of the year with all of those resolutions, and I also feel like it's really hard to come off of the Christmas holiday and New Year's and start a challenge on January 1st, so not to say you know you shouldn't do it, but look at everything because you don't have to do it on January 1st. You could start it. You could create your own challenge, no matter how many days. It is a 30 day challenge, whatever it is. But I think there's just a few things that to look at before you go into it. I will say the benefits of dry January are definitely that different perspective, but also the fact that other people all over the world are doing it. That would have been very helpful for me if I had known about it.

Yes, I agree, yeah, what I hear you saying. I hear you saying a couple of things. Number one is know your why, why you're doing it, have reasonable expectations and then look at it holistically, because it may be that if you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself with other New Year's either resolutions or goals or something like that, then that it may not be the time, because then you're setting yourself up for just being overwhelmed with all the things of creating new lifestyles.

Yeah, thank you for recapping that Definitely. But that's what it is. And literally, if you're going into this and you have done it several times and you know in your heart and soul I can't moderate it's hard for me to take breaks. I think that this is the choice that I need to make is to really go all into that alcohol-free lifestyle and then, sure, do the dry January and don't put the cap on the end of the month. You know, I think that there has to be some kind of plan set up for yourself before you start this to go into February. You know like what is your intention. Let's talk about that.

So what happens after January, what happens at the end of the 31 days or whatever our time frame is? I mean, what kind of guidance would you give us in what the next steps are?

I think that the next step would be is to really ask yourself was this beneficial for me? Is this something that I want to continue doing? And then also look at the challenges and the roadblocks you face in continuing to do it. You know what's standing in your way, because for me, it was definitely my mindset that second time I did it, though, I did make it to President's weekend here in the States. That was mid-February and I thought, man, I'm really doing this, but I had that block going to brunch. That was my association like going to brunch equals drinking, and I tried to make it through. I really did, and I couldn't do it because I hadn't had a plan for myself. So I think, coming out of January, definitely put together a plan for yourself. If it feels like something you want to do, I would say, go to 100 days and see how it goes, and then also, if it's something that you think you know what, I could go another month, whatever works for you, because some people get really overwhelmed by the fact. You know, I'm going to spread this out. I'm going to do a 90 days, or I'm going to do 100 days, or I'm going to take the whole year off from drinking. It's overwhelming to a lot of folks. We have to always check in with ourselves. What feels best for me? Maybe it's another week, right.

Okay, so if you could go back to that President's Day brunch that you said was a little bit of a you didn't use this word, but trigger like a like association, I like that word. What kind of plan do you wish that you could have put into place? Like, do you think that saying okay, I'm going to extend this to 60 days would have been enough for you to say no at a brunch that you really wanted to have a mimosa at? Or is there something different in your mindset? Or is there something different in the way you responded to people saying aren't you drinking? Like what would, what would you change to have continued to be successful in that moment?

Well, I would have really benefited from somebody telling me have a plan before you go, because for me it was just not so much and I'm trying to remember, amy, honestly, it was so long ago If I had said I was going to do another month in February. I don't think it was. I think I was on a day to day basis, like I'm going to take it daily. And let me just say that at this, at the end of my drinking, I was drinking mainly on the weekends. I was a binge drinker, so it wasn't like a daily and I'm not making excuses, just that was the facts at some point in my life different points I was a daily drinker, but at the end I was very much a binge drinker. Sunday was one of my biggest drinking days because I had the Sunday scaries and so, you know, going into the week I needed to relax, you know, and so it would have been nice for somebody to say what will you say if somebody does say, why aren't you drinking? Because that's what happened. I don't want to say I succumbed to peer pressure, but I kind of did. My family had known me as a drinker for 30 years and we did a lot of brunching together and we were all there. I ordered a Diet Coke. I had my water. I didn't go into it and order a drink right away. It was later in the brunch and I was very disappointed in myself after. But because of that I told myself well, you can't do it. You can't be around your family anymore, you're not going to be able to do it, and that was something that I held on to until it did quit the year later. But it would have been nice to know what will you say to these people. Have a plan for yourself going into this. Have a plan for when you get done with the brunch, because that's when I would have a big struggle. In the beginning, when I wasn't drinking, coming home from something that I didn't drink, through I felt stress, I felt coming off of anything like that. You feel that vulnerability hangover and I was very motivated to drink, and so setting yourself up with a plan before these things happen is a great idea. And then, when you're coming out of dry January, what could be your plan for February? A lot of times, women will either cut back on their drinking, which is great. It doesn't have to be an entire month, it could be a weekend, or it could be several weeknights, something like that, but always having a plan in place. And I think that's part of having that community and that connection and a big part of where I'm going in 2024 is really with the planning of it all, like every single detail. Because we just talked about this on a call yesterday in TAF and it's like, yeah, we don't think about this kind of stuff, especially after we quit drinking. We have to have a plan before, during and after.

Yeah, because the plan is what equips us to be able to execute what we want to do. I mean, it's like what is it? A goal without a plan is just a wish. So if we don't have that plan, then it's going to be hard to do that. One of the other things that came to mind when you were talking about you know you didn't say these exact words, but it sounds like you were very disappointed in yourself when you had we're like, oh, I'm just going to go day by day, I'll figure it out, and then, when you did and being disappointed in yourself, one of the things that came to mind too is we talk a lot on our show about being kind to your future self, so setting yourself up for having the kind of success that you want and I think maybe even just taking that one pause of like, how will I feel about this tomorrow? That might be enough to you know, to stay in and all of that kind of stuff. What are some of the other tools or resources that you would recommend having in our back pocket as we go into a and we'll just say I mean, we're this is kind of airing in January and we're doing the challenge in January, but it might be dry August, I mean like just a dry season. I mean, what kinds of things that can we do to plan and to equip ourselves to be successful?

Yeah, I'm going to answer that. I want to go back to what you just said Rolling the tape forward to the next day and that is your future self tomorrow morning. That's what I did and so many women do that. It's a wonderful tool to use. That's what I did in early sobriety. I had to always remind myself and it was good that I had that experience at the brunch, because I've had so many of those experiences where I felt so disappointed in myself the day after drinking. You got to remember, at this point in life especially, you got to be a little bit kinder to yourself. For sure, you don't have to beat yourself up about this anymore, but we got to learn how to coach ourselves and always say I'm going to play the tape forward because it really matters how I'm waking up tomorrow more than this sip of alcohol. It's just that one sip that's going to take you down that alcohol loop. Right, that was very helpful. I wanted to mention that because it is a tool. Going into it definitely envision how you want to wake up in the morning and play it a little bit forward, because what I experienced at that brunch I call it spontaneous drinking. I had no plan to drink, but because I felt the pressure and I don't like people. I don't like to be the spotlight, even with family. I don't want anybody directing all their attention to me, and so I'm like let me make everybody comfortable, let me do this. And that was spontaneous drinking when I walked out of there and I didn't stop at brunch. I went home and the drinking continued and that's where I got right back on it. But I walked out of there thinking, darn it, why did you do that? That wasn't your plan, that wasn't what you were going to do. And so the tools that we can have, I think that are really important at the stage of life, community and connection, whether that be in an online community, whether that be an AA meeting or some sort of other recovery meeting that you can see people in person. Aa also has the online meetings that you can attend now for women, and that's very helpful. We're on Instagram, social media, blogs, articles 250 and beyond podcasts. That's a wonderful tool to have in your back pocket. And there's also so many sobriety podcasts today. So many sobriety podcasts. Do you want me to recommend some? Sure, Okay. So one of my favorite sobriety podcast is the Hello Someday podcast. Hello Someday and Kasey McGuire Davidson. She's a wonderful host. She has wonderful interviews on. I've been on that podcast a few times now and it's fantastic resource for anybody to just you know, it's so easy to put our earbuds in, especially when we're trying to take a break from drinking and we feel like we're motivated to drink. Put a earbud in and listen to a sober podcast Amazing. And then another one that I want to recommend is called Sober Powered, and she is her name is Jill, and I can't think of her last name and she is really into the science of alcohol in our brain and she talks about it in just really short episodes and it's so informative. So those are two podcasts that I would recommend, along with, of course, 250 and beyond.

You have to plug it. You have to plug it and it's a great podcast. I mean, I tune in a lot and I love it. I love what you're doing and I just I love how you start every episode with giving people a hug, like, oh, we all need that, we need a hug.

We need a hug from others and we need to hug ourselves, because that's very helpful too. And I just had a Gallant TIF chair a wonderful story. She had COVID and normally she would drink during that time and what she did instead was hug herself. And that's what I'm talking about. Like we really got to nurture ourselves and remind ourselves that we matter and drinking alcohol is not going to solve anything. We can add more love to it. And then on my website you will see a resource page, so there will be books, recommendations and articles and then direct links to some podcast episodes. That'll be really helpful. And then, if you're good on social media, if you like it, get on Instagram. When I first joined Instagram, it was two years after I quit drinking and I created the anonymous account 250 and beyond. It did not have Lori Massicott on it, so nobody knew that it was me, my friends, family nobody. And that's where I entered into the sober community and I found people talking about it and I couldn't believe it. It was so helpful for me.

When you find the right connections in the online space, in the social media space, that can be really helpful and beneficial. The other podcast that I really like to listen to in fact, a girlfriend and I were just talking about this one is the Huberman Lab. He has, if you like, science and like I mean he gets real sciency, but he talks about what alcohol does to your brain and body. And, by the way, I feel like I mean you know this, lori, I feel like I need to if we don't know each other a whole lot. If you're listening, I am not currently sober, but, however, I have drastically changed my relationship with alcohol. Really, lori, I give credit to you and to planning that seed, and I actually have to go back to Morgan Adams giving her a shout out because she connected us and I'm very grateful for that and I feel just very peaceful with my relationship with alcohol right now. So I do feel like I need to put that out there, like I'm not coming in here as saying, I mean, I agree with you in everything that you were saying and I am not there at this time and not to say that I won't be at some other time, but anyway, just full disclosure with all of that, because I want to be authentic in our conversation.

Well, it's such an important conversation. Honestly, you've changed your relationship with alcohol. You know you feel better about it now. I mean, honestly, we cannot go from one extreme to another. That's why I say, you know, before easing into any kind of challenge, make sure you're in a good place and make sure what that intention is, because it's okay to cut back, it's okay to limit your drinking a little bit and see how that goes. We got to play around with it and it's an experiment. We need to be more flexible with ourselves as we get older because, my goodness, not all are nothing anymore. So I think that's wonderful. And being mindful of alcohol and learning about it through the Huberman Lab Podcast. He has an awesome episode I don't know if you want to link that here about the effects of alcohol. It's two hours and we studied that inside Team Alcohol Free. It was just so good. You know, if you don't really know, I didn't know, and that's why I say I'm spreading awareness, because a lot of women out there, a lot of people out there, don't know that sobriety is an option. Living alcohol free is an option for everybody, not just a certain person, and we should all be educating ourselves on the effects of alcohol.

Yes, yeah, and in fact actually we even had a conversation earlier in September with Amanda Thieb and she was just educating us on, I mean even really how alcohol can affect, you know, our menopause and our menopause symptoms and all of that. So there is a lot of science that goes along with that and I still want to acknowledge that you know we can have I mean there are alcohol, and our relationship with it also comes with often complicated other elements with friends, with family, and so I recognize that this is not an easy thing and that's why I kind of want it, that's why we're doing this whole like dry January. So to Lori's point if you are interested in it, this is a good time to come on. But I want to dig in to a couple things more about, specifically about dry January. Lori, what do you see as one of the biggest challenge that women have when it comes to doing something like this?

I think it's that mindset, the expectation and the pressure that goes into doing a challenge for a lot of women. It's like you know, we have stories that we created when we were younger. I don't follow through, I can't commit to things. You know, this is going to be really hard and challenging and that's why another reason it's good to have other people around you doing the same thing, and so that is the benefit of dry January, because there are so many people and if you go on Instagram and you search dry January hashtag, you'll find them. But I think that's really the challenge. You know, it's like I've got to get this right. There's a lot of pressure and for me, the last few years going out of you know, coming out of December and going into January, I realized that I'm not hitting the ground running anymore with kinds of you know, different challenges for myself and lots of new things. I kind of am planning more of my year, even into January, and what I want to do and what that intention and focus is, and that's felt really right for me. So I think the biggest challenge is we've got to remember that. You know this is not all or nothing Taking a break from drinking and doing a dry January could be that I'm going to give myself a vacation from alcohol so I can breathe, I can exhale and I can see the difference. Maybe I will focus on my sleep, prioritize my sleep. I'll see how I feel at the end of the month, go into it with like curiosity, because that's what it's about, and experimentation instead of pressure, because pressuring ourselves to do stuff and you got to have a reason why you want to do it.

Absolutely. I love how you say go in with curiosity, that's just, it's, that's freeing, that's grace giving, that's, when something happens and maybe things don't go exactly according to plan, that we can then learn from it and be kind to ourselves and then move on and then kind of keep going Because now we've learned something new.

Yeah, and when we're mindful of that before we start something like that, then we really can learn and we can question ourselves throughout the month. You know this is interesting. What I always like to say is well, this is very interesting. If it was me back during my break, those first breaks, this is interesting and I don't feel as anxious. This is interesting. I'm sleeping a little bit better. This is interesting. My mood's a little bit better because I wouldn't like to lash out, especially when I was drinking. You know I was tired. You know we get in that cycle we drink, we don't sleep well, we wake up the next day, we're supposed to handle all of our responsibilities and we're walking around half-mass. You know that really increases the irritability, our frustration with ourselves and then we go right back into that cycle. I need to take it away with drinking. When you remove it and you take that break and you make sure that you're doing it in a way that is healthy for you as you're an everyday drinker. I recommend talking to your doctor before you take a challenge like this, but you can see the different perspectives and if you're mindful every day of saying, well, that's interesting. Or hey, how will my energy level be if I start waking up a little bit earlier in the morning, because I'm not drinking and I can get up earlier in the morning. Curiosity, experimentation we need more of that.

Don't we, I know, rather than just having all of these hard and firm rules? And the other thing, too, that I think is interesting about doing a challenge like this at this time of year in January, is when we take alcohol out. Then we are helping to support, like you said, our sleep, helping to support our mental health in a time of year that typically we're not getting out and getting as much sunshine, we're not getting our fresh air, we may not be sleeping as well, and so it can really kind of it removes the potentiality for having even greater symptoms of lack of sleep, less, you know, poor mental health, and will help support that in a month that's often getting worse, in a month that's often just kind of gloomy and bleh.

Absolutely. It's such a benefit because then, if you do it in January 2024 and you see the difference and you see, oh my gosh, I don't have to spend January feeling worse, I can actually feel a little bit better and I can manage all of the things like the darkness, the early dark days and all of those things that are happening in January, you know, not to mention coming off of the holiday. It's kind of a let down for some. For some it's very joyful, like I'm glad it's over, but for some of us, you know, we come out of it with sadness. We come into this new year bringing that kind of baggage with us and I feel like, if you do it in 2024, 2025 January, you're going to say, well, last year I saw that difference and I don't have to spend January feeling so blue, I could do something different. And that's where you get that different view and I think that first break. For me it always was a reminder Well, you were sleeping a little bit better, felt better, you weren't constantly writing in your journal why are you drinking so much? What's happening? You got to stop drinking so much, like all of those thoughts, like it's heavy. And so you know, I did see that difference, and it was something that I carried with me, even though I continued to drink.

Yes, and the curiosity just kind of comes along and help you know, and maybe putting those things together as well. One of the things that my husband and I have said and then I said last year is we never regret not drinking. You just don't regret. You know, I never wake up on a Saturday and be like, oh man, I really wish I'd add something to drink, it's just it's such a good point because in that moment where you think you know effort, forget it, I am going to drink.

I will suffer the consequences tomorrow, right, you wake up. When you do that, you wake up and you regret it. Right. But if you power through that, you find support, you get something else to do besides drinking those moments. Then the next day you wake up, go, oh my gosh. I'm so glad I didn't drink, Because I would have been regretting that decision. Yeah right, it's a great reminder. Nobody ever regrets not drinking. Honestly, I don't think.

No, I haven't really heard of that either. Okay, I have a question that I want to be very tender about and I want to enter in with so much gentleness and grace. But there are some who will take January off or any other month and like, okay, I'm not drinking. You know, maybe in the back of their mind they're thinking, do I have a problem? Is this an issue? And so they take January off and they're like, all right, check the box. I was alcohol free for 31 days and now, going straight back into the way that it was 32 days prior, what would you, what would be? And again, I just like this is so non judgmental and I know you are coming from the exact same way, lori, like this is, but that I also see this and I would love to hear your either words of encouragement or words of caution or next steps for someone who has experienced that in the past, and what, maybe next steps, or what to do, or I don't know. I'll just. I'm sure you've spoken about this before, so I'll just let you take it and run.

Yeah, well, I can relate to that. I should have said and this is a good time to say it when I was taking those breaks I was doing it more of I need to prove to myself that I can do this. That means I don't have a problem with alcohol. The good news is you don't have to have a problem with alcohol to go alcohol free. You know, we have to start removing this language that we use. A lot of people are choosing it for a lifestyle. A lot of people have chosen it and have never drank their entire lives. We have to know ourselves and we have to know what is best for me. And you know I did that. I can totally do this. I can drink, I can drink normally. And you know I had all of those, those thoughts and ideas and you know I think, probably going into it, I started to kind of taper a little bit, but then I got right back to it, because the way my brain works is I don't want just one, I don't want to moderate, I don't want to place rules on myself, I want to take that first step and after that first step it's on until I'm done. And so we've got to know ourselves, and you are. If you're experiencing that and you're, you've been going back and forth and you keep telling yourself I can drink normally, with hash to, with air quotes, normally. I don't know if there is normal drinking anymore. You know there's so much research and studies saying you know, the American Cancer Society no drinking is acceptable for women, especially if we can reframe how we are thinking about this and instead of looking at as you know, this is a test this is something that I'm doing to prove to myself again. It's something I'm doing to take a break from drinking so I can see the different side of it. Because when we're drinking, we don't know, and so I will say to anybody who's going into the same you know I don't have a problem with alcohol. Look at the benefits of being alcohol free that it gives you and ask yourself am I getting those benefits while I'm drinking as if you're not. You deserve it. You deserve those things that you look forward to, like the mornings after waking up. Those mornings are just gold. I mean honestly, they're gold. It's the difference between beating yourself up and loving on yourself and enjoying maybe some coffee in the morning by yourself, you know, surrounding yourself with some positive thoughts in the morning instead of saying, oh my god, you did it again. You deserve those things and so I will look at where you're looking at. As far as I can drink, so can I, I can drink. I can choose to drink today if I wanted to, right, but it's not the better option for me.

So you're saying, really the key is reframing your mindset to what the benefits of being alcohol free are, versus proving to yourself that you can Absolutely, absolutely.

Okay.

All right, that's, that's good to do. Okay, and so this is the other thing I'm going to say we're doing a dry January challenge over on the Grace Health Facebook community. If you want more, or if you would like to dip your toe into the alcohol or to the dry January challenge and then you would like to do a little bit more, go over and join team alcohol free. Like go check out Lori, do that thing. So you've got two options here if this is sounding interesting to you and I can't speak for Lori, but I think she'll agree with me when I say like either one is fine, you do not have to Like if you just want to go straight to TAF, great, I support you in that because I trust Lori and I know that she will care for you so greatly and just hold you so gingerly and as you start being curious and exploring and figuring out what life is like with less or no alcohol in your life.

Yeah, and the 30 day challenge that I have. Like I said in the beginning, I'm rebooting that and but it's self study, so you can go through any of it and I'm adding all kinds of different resources to that. So, but you can edit this out, amy, but if you would like me to come in and talk inside your Facebook group in January, I would be happy to do that and answer any questions and we can just have like a girl chat.

Awesome, yeah, yeah, we will. We will circle back up on that, for sure. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I've got a couple of questions I ask all my guests and I know I've asked you this before and I'm embarrassed to say I don't remember what your answer was, but I love learning about people's tattoos because I found that when people put something on their body for the rest of their life, they often have a meaning behind it. So I was wondering, if you have a tattoo, if you would be willing, if you would be willing to share the meaning behind it and where it is, if you want to do that and that. But if you don't have one and you had to get one, what would it be and where would it go?

Yes, I remember this question and I do not have a tattoo and I've always wanted one. And that started when I saw a layout and I think it was Vogue magazine with Drew Barrymore and she has a little butterfly like on her lower stomach and she was laying on the ground and she had this butterfly. I thought, oh my gosh, I love butterflies. I thought that would be so cool to get a tattoo. Also, my birthday is 11-11. And so I always thought about doing like an 11-11, like somewhere like this, like Jennifer Aniston has it on her wrist, on the inside of her wrist. I'm going to copy Jennifer Aniston. I don't know if I would put it there, maybe just on my back somewhere, just so I have it, love it. I probably will never do it, but, amy, I think you should do it. What would your tattoo be?

I don't know. So I've given, I've thought about it. I just don't think that I want one is the bottom line. But you're the first person who I think I've said this full answer to. I think what I would do is right behind I think this would hurt like no else, but right behind my ear, and I would just get the little Christian fish, just a super simple one, and my hair is down, but my hair is up a lot, so I could kind of like choose to display it if I wanted to or not, but I think that I would do that. But I think that area has like some that is painful, like that, on the top of the fit I've also heard, is just a that's a bigger, because there's no, there's just nothing there to like, there's no fat, there's no muscle, there's no, you know nothing to absorb the pain of the pain I'm feeling right now.

I think it'd be painful, but it's small enough that it wouldn't take that long, maybe so.

But I don't know that I want to do anything. Honestly, I just love learning about it. I think it's. It's been a really fun way to connect with people, I don't know, and if they are willing to open up about it. It's, I just like learning. I like learning.

And I love seeing them on older people too. You know it's so interesting because they really kind, you know they automatically take on a different shape, because you know our skin is changing, our bodies are changing. You know, they kind of maybe they look a little bit different. But yeah, I love seeing them on older people.

Which is one reason why I'm not sure I would ever do that. That might give my parents a heart attack.

It's like you have a smiley face on you and then it starts to look brown.

Yeah, yeah, okay. So you've. We talked about your website, lorimascotcom. I think we talked about it. Where is the best way for someone to connect with you?

lorimascotcom. If you want to reach out, there's a contact button right at the top. You can click on that and send me an email and listen to 250 and beyond. Hopefully, by this time in 2024, I'll be back on Instagram, even though I've been saying it for over a year. It's been a nice break and you can find me there at lorimascotcom and that's pretty much it, okay.

Great, all right, you get the last word. What is the one simple thing you want people to remember about our conversation today?

I want you to remember that sobriety is not a test. Taking a challenge is wonderful for you to do to give yourself that perspective and that break, but look at it, going into it and keep reminding yourself. You know why am I doing this every day? It's a great way to wake up in the morning. This is why I choose to be alcohol-free today Instead of looking at it as I've got to do it for 31 days. Look at the process that you're creating every single day, and not the outcome so much, and stay focused on what matters most to you, because living alcohol-free is really a movement that is happening, and I believe that in midlife, you combine aging with no longer relying on a chemical substance that is alcohol. You give yourself a next chapter of life that you may never have thought you would have written, and you take on a whole new level of living honestly, because we're not holding ourselves back and we're not spending time thinking about alcohol and being disappointed in ourselves. We're not being disappointed in ourselves for drinking, so you deserve to free yourself from that, whether it be for 31 days in dry January or for life. We're beyond.

That is all for today. Go out there and have a graced day.