Tackling Holiday Stress & Overwhelm: Tips to Thrive this Season with Co-Host Lori Massicot

Hey there, I'm Amy Connell. Welcome to Grace Health, the podcast for women who want simple and grace-filled ways to take care of themselves and enjoy a little chocolate. I'm a certified personal trainer and nutrition coach who wants you to know your eating, movement and body don't have to be perfect, you just need to be able to do what you're called to do. We're mixing it up a little bit today, doing something special. You will hear a bit more about this as we get going, but this is a co-hosted conversation between me and my friend, lori Massacott. I met Lori through Morgan Adams. Morgan Adams was on the show back in season 15, episode one, and we talked about simple ways to increase your sleep quality and quantity. And after that episode, after we recorded that, morgan sent me an email and she said hey, there's this person who I think you might enjoy hearing from or talking with, and that person was Lori. Now Lori came on in the same season 15, in episode 12, and that was titled A Curious Conversation About Sober Living and Its Joyful Benefits. That conversation sparked a dry January challenge and really helped me just kind of evaluate my relationship with alcohol. I would not say it was bad, but it's definitely evolved in a good way and I have become friends with Lori. You'll hear more about how we foster that friendship and relationship here in just a bit. Lori and I were exploring some ways that we can support each other and decided that we would come on and co-host an episode on dealing with stress and taking care of our mental health during the holidays. This is a season that is coming up and I know it can bring a lot of anxiety, stress, time restrictions, overall lowering of, maybe self-care and so we just thought we would team up. So I hope you enjoy this. I would love to hear your thoughts and your feedback on it, and maybe we will do some more of these. So this has aired on the 250 and beyond podcast. If you listen to both of our podcasts, you probably are not going to be interested in listening to this one again. That's okay, but if you haven't heard it over on Lori's podcast, then tune in and I hope you enjoy.

Hi Amy, hey, Lori, good to see you, good to see you too. We meet every Thursday morning, right now in the morning, to do a do hard shit power hour.

And it is one of the highlights of my week. I love it.

I know it's amazing. So what we do is we meet and we get on Zoom and we chat because we love our chats, and then we turn the cameras off and our audio is off and we work for whatever time we have that morning normally to an hour, maybe a little bit more and we just do hard shit the stuff that I definitely need accountability in. And I know that Amy is there. She's hanging out with me. It's so helpful.

It really is, and what I like about it is that I don't know about you, lori, but I reserve the hard stuff for our time together, because that's my thing is, I need the accountability. I need someone to check in and say did you get that done? Because when you're kind of more or less a one man show, there's no one holding you to that, and so, even though I mean it's kind of silly, like if I came in I was like you know what, I actually ended up watching the latest episode of only murders in the building. Like you'd still be nice to me, of course, but it's just, it's so helpful to me to have that accountability and we get some hard stuff done. It's wonderful.

Are you watching only murders in the building while we're on our hard shit call?

No, I promise you Do you have a clue?

Hold up. I love that show. I'm watching second season, but that's a side note. Yes, I get it. I get it yeah.

That's kind of my. That's my like. I'll watch it sometimes during lunch because it's an intentional way of just pouring into myself a little bit. It's kind of fun and I might need to call it a guilty pleasure. It's just something fun and disconnects and yeah. So I really enjoy that show. I think like all of the actors in there, and the characters are just delightful.

It's so fun, it's such a fun show. Okay, so we are meeting today, we're doing a little co-hosting event because you again are a podcaster I've been on your podcast, you've been on my podcast and we're meeting today to talk about managing our stress during the holidays, and we're recording this September 21st and it's upon us.

It's coming up right, I'm afraid to go to Costco to see all of the Christmas stuff or the holiday stuff.

Yeah, I think they still have the Halloween stuff up, but you know, the Christmas stuff is like maybe one section and then it's like you walk in like five aisles. Yes, so we're here, but I also think that any kind of holiday, any kind of occasion because there's different holidays throughout the year there's some stress that comes with it. We're going to talk about that, and we're just going to talk about some ways or practical ways that we use and I will say this up front neither one of us are doctors. We are here just to share the things that work for us and, honestly, I feel like we're going to have just some really good banter. I love it. I love it too. What are you looking forward to this holiday? Oh, gosh.

We have been slowly chipping away at making my holiday seasons a little more peaceful, and some of that, I think, is because of the age and stage that I'm in. I have one kid who's in college and one kid who's a senior, and they're both boys and they're, like pretty chilled, and so all of the present buying and the teacher gifts and all of that stuff is tempered, and I know that that's not everybody's season right now, but what I really love is when I can find peace and margin and, dare I say, a little bit of white space in the holidays, and so I think that that is something that I will look forward to in terms of like this is what I know I need and how can I make this happen?

Yeah, I like that. Do you plan your holiday out? Do you plan, like, your gifts and your events and everything? Do you do that ahead of time?

No, I wouldn't say I totally plan ahead of time and the gifts thing. It's nice, because my husband and I do that a little bit more so than when they were little and I was like, okay, I've done all the pre shopping and this is what I think I want to do. What about you? Do you plan?

No, not now, I will say. I'm just thinking back to when Spence was a kid and little and all of the planning that went into that and all of the over buying and all of the over drinking and overeating, and all of that time. Oh my gosh, I'm just like reflecting back on the fact that it's so different now, and this really has to do a lot with the fact that I quit drinking 10 years ago. Honestly, because I was in that like it's never going to be a no over consumption, making sure that everything was decorated. I would have like trees in every room and I'm not going to lie, I still kind of do that but everything was more, more, more, more, more. And now at this stage of my life, it's less is more, and I don't have a lot of social events. It's different when you work for yourself. I used to work in an office and offices different offices for years and there would be the company Christmas party and all of that, and I would dread it. I would dread going to those types of things. So I know that there are people out there who have that kind of stuff on their calendar. I don't have that and my husband, yes, we may have a Christmas party. They're more of like doing an experience. They did a trip. We went to Vegas in February. That's kind of their thing. But yeah, I don't really have that kind of stuff, except for just the family stuff. But yeah, I know that we're already planning, like maybe a play or something with my in-law. I know there's lots of great plays and shows in San Diego and maybe doing something like that. But as far as gifts and stuff, we do not go overboard anymore. We do like an experience.

We used to have what my dad called wretched excess. I mean, it was just wretched and I think that that can be the holiday season for everyone Wretched excess of gifts, wretched excess of partying, wretched excess of alcohol, of foods, of time. I mean it can be a wretchedly accessible season if we let it.

Yeah, and I think just us talking about it now honestly, because I know I had mentioned to you and what I want to talk about before we wrap this one up is going into January. We can think about it now in October. Hey, how do I want to go into January? I think you can reverse backwards and say, okay, I don't want to be on January 1st, waking up saying, oh my gosh, every January 1st for years and years I'd wake up. I have to stop eating. I have to lose 10 pounds this month. I have to stop spending. I have to stop drinking. That came into effect like right around January 2011. That was the first time I took that dry January off. I don't want to be in that place. I want to ease into the new year excited. I was always in that place where I was dreading it. Yes, I think I reverse engineer. And how do I want to wake up January 1st? What do I want to do with my time? Because I will talk a little bit about the January blues as well.

Absolutely. Yeah, that reminds me of Stephen Covey's saying of begin with the end in mind. How do you want to feel January 1st and let's work backward from that?

Yeah, I like that. So let me give us a definition of stress. This is from the World Health Organization, who stress can be defined as a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation. Stress is a natural human response that prompts us to address challenges and threats in our lives. Everyone experiences stress to some degree and I feel for so many years because I've always been somebody with that story I'm anxious, I'm stressed. I think I wore it like a badge of honor for such a long time Like, well, I'm so stressed and I still catch myself saying that. And then I have to step back because I think one of the best things that I've learned how to do is to be mindful of those stories and those things that I'm telling myself and to step back and pause and say, well, what's happening in your life, what is going on right now, where this is coming up for you? And I can kind of redirect, because what I'm trying to do right now, amy, is not make everything such a big deal. And there are stressors, but how we react to them is a game changer.

And, I think, not getting caught up in this cultural mindset that we have of being productive, having that productivity and I am number one raising my hand, like I love a check, I love a checked off list, like I love I feel on fire when I'm productive. However, we have to forget, or we have to stop thinking that being productive and being under stress because we're doing all of this stuff is a badge of honor. I mean, sometimes productivity is, but at the same time, if we're doing that so that we can say we're stressed, or so that we can tell people how busy we are and how stressed we are, and all of a sudden we think that that's a badge of honor, then we're not doing ourselves any favors. And who are we kidding anyway?

Yeah, who are we kidding? Anyway, are we going to get some sort of trophy? Yeah, at the end of our lives? That you had 500 million to-do lists, that you checked everything off of right, like yeah, and it's a trip too. When I think about it, it's like because you and I we work for ourselves, like I'm the only one that's given myself all this stress, and that's why I sit down every single week and I look at what are the most stressful things on my list this week, and I always tackle those things First thing in the morning eat the frog. You know the book by Brian Tracy Eat the frog, get up, get it done, and then I can totally reduce my stress for the rest of the day, because I am somebody who will procrastinate on doing the hardship and, honestly, it's like I have to do it right away, and so that really frees up a lot of headspace for me. That's very helpful.

Absolutely yeah. And then it takes it off rather than having it like oh, I still got to get this done.

Yeah, it's very freeing when you look at your list and go that doesn't have to be done today. Just because you wrote it down, it doesn't have to be done today. You're going to be okay, take it off. I do that more often than not.

Good for you.

Let's talk about why we have stress during the holidays. I think there are multiple reasons why we're going along with our lives throughout the year and again, it's not October through December or whatever for the holiday season. There's other holidays, there's other things coming up, but I feel like for such a long time, I was dealing with stress and coping with stress by drinking, which added more stress and which added that, you know, impulsive, not making the best decision, and so I was caught up in that cycle. And so I feel like we're going about our lives and we are having these stressors every day, but we're coping with them by maybe numbing out, we're coping by escaping them. So when the holiday comes, it's just like adding the cherry to the top of the stress bucket. Right, it's an addition, I feel like, but there's also stress that comes with the holiday. What do you feel like is maybe some things. That is, holiday stress.

The first thing that comes to mind is the expectations that either people have or we think people have of us of how to show up, how often to show up, what to do. Sometimes there are family dynamics that come into play. We were hosting Christmas and families coming in town and well, mom says we have to do it because this is how we've always done it, but this is our new thing. I mean there's. I think that there's a lot of that, that, especially as grown women, we are navigating because we have our family of origin, we have our current family and sometimes those don't always go in. So I think one of the things, yeah, is the expectations, and I think two with regard to the drinking and the coping with stress and all of that kind of stuff is like, well, if you're in a place of exploring or maybe you're newly alcohol-free and it's like, well, I've never shown up to a Christmas party sober before, that's kind of anxiety building and that stress will be building. And I will say, lori, as a result of our conversation over on my Grace Health podcast last year, last Christmas was the first time that I intentionally went to all of these parties and I was alcohol-free. You know one thing that was really great was it took off the stress of transportation, because I drew myself that, I drove us home and it was. I mean, I live way out in the boonies in Houston, so it's like 45 minutes in and 45 minutes out and it's just a whole thing. So I'm like even little things like that I think brought on a lot of stress. That sometimes when we make those small decisions like okay, I'm just going to choose not to drink, depending on what space you're in, that can really lower the stress as well.

That's fantastic. I don't know if you told me that, that you did the entire December and then did you also do January?

Yeah, so full disclosure. I was not dry in December, but what I chose was all of the parties and the big event. I just wasn't going to drink, got it and I actually loved it. I will definitely do that again. Just my own personality I never, I think. Why am I even drinking when I'm in a social situation? I don't need that because I don't have a hard time in social situations. And then my community and I last year did a dry January challenge and that was so meaningful to many of the women or to all of the people who did it. And then many of them responded back just privately saying I had blood work before and after my blood work is down, I have a completely new relationship with alcohol. One of the members of my community was able to really keep that up and keep that very different relationship with alcohol, and so much so that her daughter got married recently, just within the last month or two, and she was like I didn't really even drink at her wedding. So that I mean that was a very transformative month for us and we are doing it again for sure this year.

It's fantastic because they're giving themselves a different view of what it's really like to not drink. And then you always have that vision going back to you. Even if you pick it up again, you're like, okay, well, I do see a difference here and I think that's so smart. And then also what you said yeah, you don't have to take the entire month off. You can just choose to do it maybe on a weekend or a special event, because I think that totally wipes away the association that we have. Like Christmas dinner equals drinking. No, it doesn't. Actually, it equals being present and waking up the next day and feeling like so refreshed and going out on a walk or something Like you create those different associations. So well done, that's fantastic. Right, yeah, yes, yeah, because I will say my friends listening alcohol is just adding so much chaos in our lives. Honestly, and especially the older we get, we're turning to it, we're leaning on it, we're not leaning on ourselves to reduce our own stress and it's just. There's not the light at the end of the tunnel there, I don't think for anybody, because it's going to pick up. It's progressive and I spent so many holidays drinking and my first holiday I was really only about three or four months sober. When I went into that first holiday, I dreaded it and I thought, oh man, I'm never going to make it through. I'm not going to because people around me were drinking and I just remember being so proud of myself. And then also like having this whole fresh perspective on the actual events Waking up Christmas morning, not pouring myself in the mosa because I was a very early holiday drinker, like not doing all those things. I was very present and it was wonderful, and so I think it is one of those gifts that we can give ourselves to really check in and ask ourselves maybe I'll take Christmas off or maybe I'll take Thanksgiving off. But I know there's several people out there who are saying you know what I'm so tired of? Over drinking during the holiday, I'm so tired of it all. You can try one event at a time.

Yes, and the other added benefit of that is you don't wake up the next day and go. What did I say? Oh, I shouldn't have said that you have complete control over the things that are coming out of your mouth in situations of people who you may enjoy, but they're not necessarily within your inner circle and they might not be the right person to totally vomit all of your internal stuff on or divulge things that aren't necessarily meant to be out there with that person.

Yeah, definitely. I think you know a lot of the challenges too, and it doesn't matter what our age, but we're all facing. There's loved ones who have gone. They were facing like different traditions. Maybe we're empty nesters, there's illnesses happening, either with ourselves or family members, loved ones. There's financial stress, employment but there's so many different challenges at work. Maybe you're in a career that you're just not happy in and you're turned into things to numb out. But those things are there and until they change, it's really just a way of looking at well, how can I really take care of myself and add to my self care plan?

Yeah, I talk a lot about embracing the seeds in your in and honoring that and yeah, so actually I think we should dig into this. So like talk about dealing some of the ways that you and I personally deal with the stressors that we have specifically during the holiday season or any other season that is busy and full.

Definitely, and I will start because I just said adding to it. What I mean is not adding a bunch of stuff to our to-do list, but adding more of like maybe today, this morning, I'll get up and I'll take a walk, or maybe I'll take a drink, a bunch of water, before I get my day started. Kind of perk me up and help me make some better choices throughout the day. Not adding to the to-do list, but adding a little bit more love and self care for ourselves.

Yes, I agree.

Because I think one of the best things that we can do is to not overcomplicate things, not add a bunch of stuff, not get to the point of burnout and that's not doing anything for our stress levels but instead look at where we can take care of ourselves and then manage that schedule. For me, definitely boundaries.

Boundaries.

I mean honestly, I did complete opposite stuff that first holiday when I wasn't drinking. We didn't do the family, the extended family thing. We went to a movie on Thanksgiving and we didn't even cook. We went out to eat and it was a bummer. But I had to do that different thing because I couldn't imagine doing the same thing that I did during Thanksgiving without drinking. For so many years I did the same thing. We drank so much during Thanksgiving and so we completely changed it up and I think that's one of the best things you can do for yourself, especially if you are new to this and you are going into maybe your first holiday without drinking. Ask yourself what can I change this time around? It's okay to skip things. It's okay to say no to things and to people who are asking you and pulling you in different directions. That's my first bit of advice.

Well, and what I hear you saying is if you are in a transitionary period, you have to allow a transition to something different and maybe later you go back or maybe you completely pivot and make something different, but understanding and recognizing that that is transitionary right now and so it doesn't have to look exactly like that.

Yeah, you can create new traditions if you want. I mean, we didn't get in a tradition of going to the movies on Thanksgiving, but we did it that first year, just because I needed something different.

That's great. I love that your family was so on board with that as well.

Yeah, I think that's important too is to ask for what we need.

And saying it yes, so true, good point, good point. So mine is a little one of the ways that I, on this concept of like, adding in things I love, the habit stacking that James Clear offers us in the book Atomic Habits, and this one's going to sound really weird, but if we're talking about like it is so hard sometimes to take those little slivers of time or slivers of day to take care of yourself, more research comes out, the more we're realizing how powerful breathing is, and particularly that diaphragmic belly breathing, where you're like opening up your belly like a balloon, not not the where you're, it's just all your chest and raising up, but it's really out. And so this sounds kind of weird, but whenever you go to the bathroom and you can define that however you want, but whenever you go to the bathroom you're already in there. Unless you've got like little kids, you're already in there with the door closed and you've got a mental moment of privacy and just take three slow, deep breaths no one, I mean and then it's an easy way to habit, stack that into something that you're doing, and if you're drinking enough water, then you're going to be going in there several times a day and it doesn't take but a second to do. But that's a good way to just kind of check in with yourself throughout the day.

I'm gonna start doing that because I'd be breathing a lot. I drink a lot of water, me too, anything you could. Habit stack is just. It's so great because you just get in that rhythm like, oh, I don't even realize I'm doing it, but it's so helpful.

I agree. Yeah, I agree. What's another way that you have to manage your stress?

Well, let's talk about drinking, and I think that it's a really important tool to have things on hand that aren't the alcoholic beverage, because, honestly, that's our first response we're coming home from a stressful day. Maybe you're coming off of a stressful event. You went to the Christmas party, didn't drink, but you came home like dang it, I got stuff here, and I did that quite a few times. I would go and I'd be so proud of myself I didn't drink. And then I come home, let me celebrate or let me unwind now, because just coming off of it felt like a hangover right, and so I feel like that is such a good thing to have on hand are other ways that you can de-stress and maybe look forward to something in your glass, because in that it's important to have that kind of stuff on hand. It's just another tool for the toolbox.

I just had Amanda Thebe on my podcast, who is author of the book Minnapocalypse, and she said that she has changed her drinking because it's so hard on our bodies during this menopause phase. And one of the things she did was she said she went out and bought these beautiful I don't know if they were like wine glasses or something like that like gorgeous, and it was something that then she would put a sparkling water in or she would put kombucha in or something else. But you still got that enjoyment from the item from which you are drinking, not necessarily from what is in the item. I love that.

It's true, you can make that and, honestly, if you took a sip of a sip of sparkling water with some lime and you told yourself this is going to help me relax, that first sip, it's maybe the placebo effect. But, honestly, if you allow yourself to go there and be mindful of it like this is my drink of choice after the end of a stressful day, yeah, you can get that relaxing benefit Totally. Yeah. I'm all for that, what's another one?

Well, as a personal trainer, I feel like I've got to bring in the movement, and I specifically chose the word movement because that's something that we can do in any way, shape or form. It might just be getting outside, getting some fresh air, getting some sunshine, which I think is an important part of managing your stress and mental health, especially during these shorter months the November, december, january time. But there's some studies out there and you've heard the runners high Laurie I don't know if you've ever been a runner or not and I will say that it is very hard to duplicate that feeling that I get when I ran four miles, five miles, something like that. However, the studies show and I don't really run anymore except track workouts but the studies show that you can actually get that quote unquote runner's high just from 20 minutes of moderate activity. So if you're needing that endorphin boost, then get out. I mean I love to recommend just get outside and walk in the fresh air. I mean you're going to be getting. I mean the fresh air gives you that boost. You get the vitamin D and the sunshine. Take off the sunglasses and then you're letting that light in. I know Morgan Adams, the sleep coach, has been a very good guest on both of our shows and taught. She taught us that, like, take the sunglasses off and let the sunlight come into your eyes and that will help regulate your sleep, wake rhythms. Like there's so much power in just moving, however, that brings your joy I mean we talk a lot about joyful movement on my show. In the intuitive eating world of like what, what do you enjoy doing, either in the moment or after, and not feeling like this, you have to keep up the same exercise rhythms. If you typically work out four times a week and December hits and you're working out three, that's fine. Don't move into this all or nothing mentality of like well, I'm missing today, so I'm just off the whole week and I'll start again on Monday. Like, just keep moving, keep doing something, keep trying to have a bunch of plants in your diet, you know, and it's not like, well, I'm just throwing in the towel and I'm going to start back again on January, because that's a great way to spiral down faster and faster and faster into being stressed, into having poor mental health, into increasing your anxiety when you're not moving the way. Moving in ways that make you feel and function well and eating in ways that make you feel and function well, and if we just throw it all out, then it's a shock to our system, because we're used to moving, we're used to plants, we're used to or at least quality food, and then we're we're not doing the things that offer self care to our body and to our brain. I love that.

It's yeah, it's adding more stress when we do that and it's lowering our immunity as well. And I know last, at Christmas time, I'm very famous for taking time off from my workouts and last Christmas I'm like I'm not doing this. But then we all got COVID for the first time and that last week of the year I was like I was sick and I don't get sick, knock on wood. But you know, I just felt like, oh, you kind of got off track a little bit, you kind of fell off your plan, you didn't eat as well and, yeah, I felt like I was not sleeping that great. So I want to talk about sleep, of course, but, yeah, I like that. We don't have to have all or nothing mindset anymore, especially when we're midlife and beyond. For sure, absolutely.

And just giving ourselves grace for the season that we're in. And maybe, if you were talking about earlier, about going in with the end in mind, if maybe you want to wake up on January 1st and say I did about 60% of what I typically do, and that's, that's my goal, that's what I'm shooting for, let's lower the bar for ourselves so that way we can come in feeling like all right, I'm still there, but I didn't go from 90% to 5%. I love that.

Yeah, you get to wake up and go. Yay me, I'm proud of myself, and we can do that with any percentage, as long as we allow ourselves to do it Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like I'm proud of myself. Yeah, why not do that? Why not go into the New Year like that instead of going? Oh my God, you did it again. You did it again. Laurie, you suck. That's how I used to talk to myself. Yeah, well, let's talk about sleep and go back to Morgan, because I do remember Morgan Adams being here and talking about how important it is to get up and know we've heard it several times there were science behind it. Getting up and getting out into the fresh air, and if you have the sun, you know, getting out into the light of day that helps set up your sleep for the evening, right, and so I always think about that. I take a jaunt down to my gym, which isn't that far, but I always walk out and in the summertime I'm like I could really use my sunglasses right now, but I'm not going to do it because I want to get that vitamin D and I want to make sure that I'm setting myself up from the morning to sleep well that night.

My little pro tip with that is I will wear a hat or a visor, because that way I can at least block that super bright stuff coming into my eyes, but I'm still getting the light into my sunglasses, free eyes.

Yeah, and prioritizing sleep, it's just, it's a must. It is a must. I am every, maybe two times a week now, where I don't have that great of a sleep and I feel funky. I just feel like a completely different person. So for me it's definitely unwinding, unplugging by 7pm and then setting myself up. I go to bed really early because I wake up at like 4, 4.30. So I'm typically in bed reading at 8.30 and maybe I'll get a chapter in, if I'm lucky, before my eyes close. But that's been so helpful for me. And another thing is just not telling myself that you don't sleep. That was like that came a couple of years ago. I changed that up Like stop telling yourself that. My husband would always say that to me, lori, stop saying you don't sleep, you're making it impossible for yourself. Anyway, we were always wondering. And so I really just tell myself you're going to have a nice peaceful sleep, it's going to feel so good and I focus on that, and more so than that, I do get that good night's sleep.

It's so funny, it's the thought, the when you're talking about the words that you say to yourself. So I deal a lot with muscle twitches, which I have been able to, for me, link to magnesium and if I'm getting enough magnesium and then also calcium which helps regulate your your muscle contractions and spasms some. And I went on a trip and I forgot to bring my magnesium and I was laying there and because what happens is I start to fall asleep and then my muscles twitch and then I wake up, but because I've been asleep for 30 seconds, like it kind of wakes me up for a little bit and I told myself I was like okay, this can't hurt, this feels stupid. But Amy, you are not going to have this problem, you are going to be able to sleep fine, your muscles are not going to twitch and sure enough, it was fine the whole trip. It was crazy, but it's not crazy because our mind does control so much. I also want to go back to the sleeping. Clearly. I mean, I know, you know this and your community knows this and my community has heard me say this, so I don't know why, but it's worth saying again is nothing will break your sick sleep more than alcohol and and doing that and. But maybe one thing we can do to support our sleep is, instead of winding down with, you know, a cocktail or a glass of wine or something like that, is getting that special glass, getting that special non-alcoholic drink, and then go, if possible, sit outside while the sun is setting, because that's going to be kicking in that melatonin Like you're, just like at the very beginning of the day, your, your, your eyes connect to your brain and saying, okay, there's a lot of light, it's time to wake up, and that set sets it. Then getting outside can help as well, and so maybe that can be an opportunity for a different wind down time, with the understanding that you and I are both in nice, warm climates. It might be a bit difficult for those of our friends in Canada to do, unless they're a lot braver than I am, which they probably are but doing something like that might help as well. Sure.

I think that's a great idea. There is that seasonal depression. Yeah, change of seasons it is a thing for. I've already scheduled a call and said TAF about the the time change. It starts getting darker earlier and that could put you into a funk. I get a little funky around that time of year, definitely when the time changes, so I think that's really nice. Yes, and I know I'm living in Southern California my entire life Don't really have that the seasonal depression so much. I actually love it when it rains and it's gloomy, because we don't get a lot of that, so I really take advantage of that in the wintertime. But yeah, I I think that anything that you can do to manage.

Do you and obviously again with the caveat that you and I are not doctors or just our dieticians or anything like that but do you take any different supplements during the winter months?

No, no, I take the same supplements, I don't take different. Do you suggest something?

Well, one thing that I started doing with my family and I'm sure you probably do this, but I tell them, and me included, as like, okay, it's, the days are getting shorter and cold and flu season is upon us, it's time to start taking the vitamin D. And I have a lot easier time convincing all of my guys to take vitamin D, like because it's shorter days rather than well, it's July and we're all outside, even though, for some reason, we just all seem to be somewhat vitamin D deficient right now. Yeah, I'll do that. And then Omega threes, I think, are also helpful and important this time of year. Omega three this was given to me by Ruth Opeo, who's an integrative nutrition counselor, and she came on my podcast this season 16. And she was saying that Omega threes can really help support our mental health. So I think that that's another helpful tool. Again, use wisely, you know, do what your doctor tells you to do more than what I tell you to do. But I think that that can also be helpful with just increasing some of those, some of those things. And also, from the nutritional standpoint, I think it's helpful to eat the foods that are coming into harvest at the time, like local foods go to your farmers market because there's a reason that they are being, that they were given to us. I mean, faith guides my steps, and so for me it's like, okay, these are the foods that God gave us to have in December, like cranberries and Brussels sprouts and kale and arugula, like this is going to help us function through this season as well. So I think that that's something that I'm not great about doing, but I think can be helpful as well to help our mental health, help our manager stress as well.

Yeah, I like that because that's adding more to your diet. You don't have to go on a diet. You don't have to cut back on the sugar unless it makes you feel like junk because it does for me and I know that and I can go into like, oh my gosh, I feel hungover and it's just not worth it for me anymore. But adding all of those wonderful produce items at that time of the year, yeah, I'm all for that. I love that. Yes, yeah. And I think it's important to also this could have went on top of this conversation to talk about how you feel, journal about it and talk about it with other people, because I always feel like you're not alone. We're all going through something in life, no matter if it's a holiday or not. I know that the holidays are always a reminder for me that my mom went into the hospital November 11th, on my birthday in 2009, and she came home right after Thanksgiving and with hospice and then she passed December 7th and so for years and years and years especially that year I stopped drinking. It was so difficult because our traditions changed completely. She was the one that put everything together, so the family kind of started to go different ways, and not my immediate family, but it's very different for us now, and so I have now created different traditions, like we try different things every now and then. We've tried trips and things like that, but I know for me, I can still get into that gloomy feeling, especially coming around that anniversary, and so I think it's just so important to talk about it and not leave everything in, whether that's with a counselor or a therapist or a loved one, a trusted friend, when that kind of stuff festers. I feel like we just get more down. We're looking for things to cope outside of ourselves and, man, if we can give ourselves a hug and a lot of self-compassion at this time and just say you know what, I would probably benefit from a conversation.

Yes, A couple things come to mind with that. Number one, for those who have an established relationship with a therapist, or if you don't, it's not about a time, but pre-scheduling an appointment with a therapist, of like you know what. I know that right around when my mom passed, like I know that I'm going to feel a little gloomy, I'm just going to go ahead and make an appointment. I think that can be really helpful. And the other thing, too, that I think is worth recognizing and just mentioning, like you said, like naming it I've heard that phrase name it to tame it but over the last three years, our country, if my numbers on my head are correct, and we have collectively lost over 400,000 people just to COVID, there are 400,000 family members out there who are dealing with the recent loss of their family around the holidays. And you are not alone if that is happening to you and it is hard. And just because your loved one was one of 400,000 people doesn't make it less difficult. And I think it's important also that we you know you're really big on like giving people hugs. I'm giving you a virtual hug, like giving people the space and understanding and maybe just a little some grace along the way of, like you may be. They may be going through a hard time that we don't even know, which is not necessarily stress related, but I think it's an important thing to remember that there are very good possibility that people listening on both of our shows right now have lost people to COVID, and that adds to completely different and new and just difficult element during the holidays, Because we don't we've never we're learning how to navigate that without the loved one it's hard.

It's really hard and so, yeah, I just that's it. We never know what people are going through and if we can remind ourselves that I have no idea what the stranger who's being so rude to me is going through in their lives, like we just can let it go instead of trying to figure everything out. Definitely I think that's it's such an important like part of your plan to if, oh if, you could sit down with a calendar and just go okay, I got Aunt Sally on Thanksgiving. Maybe I should schedule an appointment with my therapist. Or maybe I should get up that morning and schedule my workout. Get out, get some air, because Aunt Sally is going to stress me out. Look at your calendar and sit down with it because, honestly, I know that Halloween is probably a challenge for a lot of people. It's not for me, but if there's events coming up, they really do start in October. So, like, whip it out without your planner and go okay, this is some me time. I've got to schedule every single day. Block that time off in the morning. Mine is always in pink and 6 30 to 7 30 is my time block right now. That's where I get out. I get my exercise. This morning I talked to my sister on the phone while I was walking. I get stuff done that's going to help me to feel good and I think if we're doing that very first thing in the morning, we can really set ourselves up for really de-stressing throughout the day and taking those moments to pause before reacting, breathing when you go into the bathroom, honestly, and maybe an affirmation or something that helps you get centered, especially if you're at an event where you feel that extra anxiety and pressure maybe especially if you are living alcohol free right now and you're finding it really difficult and then to have people around you that really matter and love you and support you. Because if you've got a bunch of people around you right now or you feel obligated to be around, maybe it's time to say no and skip, Skip it.

Right Absolutely, and create those boundaries around it or figure out a way to do it differently.

And paying attention to your food and your eating and what you can add to your diet. It helps managing your sleep and prioritizing it and then getting outside and doing at least 20 minutes of some kind of movement, and it is so important to find something that we enjoy doing and I am all in for just exercising for my mental health. That's the only reason I do it and that's been the only reason I've done it for years. Instead of saying we got to lose weight, you got to be thinner, right? No, it helps me so much reduce that anxiety, especially in the morning, because I'll wake up with anxiety sometimes and I can't even name it and I'll just get out, get my music in, listen to a book on Audible or something, and that helps me so much before I start my day.

I love that and changing the mindset of why we're exercising or working out or something like that. I mean, just yesterday I got in the gym I have a relatively loose schedule of strength days and I do my B complete on certain days and all of that and I got in there and I got like 45 seconds in and I thought I am not up for this today. So instead I put on my walking shoes and I just went out and walked because I knew that I needed to move to support my mental health and I knew that my body would want me to move. But I changed it up. I mean, I'd call an Audible and allow yourself to do that, especially during this season as well.

Yeah, and just the things that we hear for self-care bubblebows, bubblebows. Getting your nails done, taking yourself out on a coffee date, maybe going and doing like some Christmas shopping by yourself, anything like that that brings you joy. Make a joy list too, because that's always helpful.

Yes, yeah, yes.

Then I do want to talk about January. So the one thing that I do at the end of the year is I get in that planning mode for January and, if you've been listening to the podcast for a long time, I normally do a word of the year for January and that's kind of where I set that intention. I choose a word and of course, that episode is going to become in your way in December. But I really do set myself up in January because for so many years I went into January dreading it, and new year, new me, this is going to be it. All the resolutions you got to lose weight, like everything I talked about, and I always felt so down on myself and then by January 15th it had all gone out the window. So I really do think January is about less is more. Of course there's now a dry January, which a lot of people go into, and I think there's a lot of pressure around that and I'm going to probably record an episode about that. There's a lot of pressure around that. You can do a dry January in February. There's got to be some kind of an ease. Going into the new year, it's like, oh my God, we're different people. We go to bed on December 31st. We wake up January 1st like, oh my God, this is it. I'm doing everything. I think it's great to have those goals and those dreams for the year, but space amount.

Yes, yeah, I agree, I absolutely agree. And the other thing too is if, like last year in my dry January challenge, if there were some caveats, like one girl said, hey, I'm in, but I have a previously scheduled trip, and so what she did was she went on her trip, she, you know, she drank, not in a different way, yeah, and then she came back and she finished it out. And so I think, again, avoiding that all or nothing mentality and like just throwing in the towel if it didn't work, well, no, we're just going to kind of keep wiping our face with it and keep moving, even if it didn't look exactly like we thought it was going to, it was going to.

Yeah, I think it's good and I think that we all even though I hate to say the word permission we all have to give ourselves a little nudge and say it's okay if you're more flexible with yourself on this, because maybe that's the difference. Maybe you've been pressuring yourself too much to do it every single day perfectly. Let me let up a little bit, because I think whenever you're looking at something like dry January, less is definitely more. There as well, you can cut back. You don't have to do it every single day, but create your own plan for yourself, but then also just go into January knowing that these are the things that I want to maybe look at for 2024, but I don't have to get everything done in January. You know we got to give ourselves more time.

And you're actually coming back on my show that you're going to be the first episode of the new year of 2024, talking about dry January. We have not recorded that yet, but we will be soon and we're going to dig into all of that because I love some of the things of the mindset that you were just sharing.

Yeah, good yeah, fun, fun, fun, fun. Thank you so much, amy. Do you want to send our listeners out with a final message?

Oh sure. Well, first I would love to connect over on my show over at Grace Health, and then I will leave everybody here with the message that I start mine with, which is your eating, movement and body don't have to be perfect. You just need to be able to do what you're called to do. Do whatever you feel like your purpose is, and just keep going.

I love that. I love that so much. My message is give yourself a break. You're human. You're not perfect Nobody is and if you can find some pockets of time this holiday to really have that time for yourself and embrace maybe saying no to events and things that you're just dreading on doing like, celebrate that, because that is you protecting yourself, your energy, your sanity and giving yourself just a new gift and maybe a new tradition.

Fantastic. It's great modeling too.

Thank you so much for listening. I will have Amy's information, of course, linked down in the episode show notes. You can always find those right in the description. And then also, I will be back next week. I have no idea what episode I'm going to record. Oh, I'll be back next week with a special alcohol-free holiday episode. I'm really looking forward to this, where I'm going to give you the ins and outs of really living and enjoying the holiday without drinking alcohol. So that's going to be fun. That'll be next week. I'll see you then. Peace.

I hope you enjoyed that. I know I did. Okay, that is all for today. Go out there and have a great day.