Tara Stiles: Yogis Can Be Rebels Too

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

yoga, feel, soften, big, people, stress, rigidity, thought, started, rebel, movements, class, learn, conversation, community, friends, wake, moment, teacher, energy

SPEAKERS

Gemma Toner, Tara Stiles

Gemma Toner  00:03

Have you had this conversation? A tone network's podcast? Hello everyone and welcome to have you had this conversation. I'm Gemma toner and today I am so pleased to welcome yoga rebel coach and entrepreneur Tara Stiles. Tara has paved her own path in the global yoga and wellness industry, founding Strala yoga in NYC while being a successful author publishing her latest book, clean mind clean body, she teaches her students including Deepak Chopra and Jane Fonda, mental and physical self care tricks to alleviate stress, and transform bad habits and give us all a little more ease. Welcome, Tara. I'm so glad you're here. My goodness. Thanks

Tara Stiles  00:53

for having me. I'm really looking forward to starting the day off with you and feeling better together. Oh, yes, me

Gemma Toner  00:59

too. This is such a treat. So So tell us, how did you get started with you? Okay, and can you explain to our listeners, you know, what is strala yaga? Sure.

Tara Stiles  01:11

Well, I think like a lot of people, I feel like yoga found me, I grew up my parents had a garden, and we're doing kind of the yoga like things, the simple things, they didn't have a lot of money, they built this passive solar house. They took us out on the weekends to recycle cans, you know, things like that, I thought were super nerdy as a kid. And now later, I appreciate of course, but I danced while growing up. And in the dance conservatory that I was a part of in high school, my ballet teacher, Rory foster learned yoga in New York when he was with American Ballet Theatre and brought it into our program. So I just got super lucky because at that time, yoga still wasn't as popular in America, especially in school programs, just kind of in the the normal fitness or well being world, it just kind of wasn't, wasn't really there in the mainstream. So I got super lucky. And I remember my first thought in this yoga class was, Oh, my goodness, I just feel amazing. And there's not another goal, there's not a judgement, I feel amazing for being myself. And there's a path to progress here that I can continue on my whole life. And I just felt so lucky. And then my second thought, of course, was, oh, my gosh, why doesn't my family do this? Why don't my friends do this? Why doesn't everybody do this, this would be amazing if everybody did this. So I think those kind of big feelings and that experience really set me on a path to learn more about yoga to find the people find the ways that I could learn more, and also just share more, I didn't have a plan to, you know, make this a job, the person that that really brought into our program, I didn't assume that was his job, I assume that was, you know, a favor he was doing or something like that. So I really didn't see that as kind of a career day option at all. But, you know, as things pull you over time, I just kept going with that question. And I still feel like that wakes me up every day, why doesn't everybody do yoga in a way that helps them feel better. So I just kind of started to get pulled into it, little by little, and then kind of quickly started a small studio in New York just for fun, just to have my friends over to do yoga to feel better. And it turned out that, you know, a lot of folks felt similar to me, they felt yoga was rigid, or they went to a class once and they didn't feel super connected. And you know, there's a lot of variety within yoga, and it's just even now still intimidating, or I think the the, the barrier to entry now is people still feel like they have to be flexible in order to begin, or they have to be calm in order to begin and kind of all of these, all of these misconceptions that are actually reality, because you know, yoga is, you know, seeing a lot of time and pictures, and then we think, Oh, if I can't do that, then I'm just not included in that. So I think Strala became a lot about inclusion from the very beginning without really having a plan to do that. That was just my raw feelings of Well, obviously, yoga is for everyone because it already exists inside everyone. But it just turned out that for whatever reason, still at this time in our culture, yoga can be very pose oriented or process oriented or, you know, we do it this way. We do it that way. And I was just really interested in helping people feel better through the movements of yoga, and through all of my background within dance, moving well. Softening, having the whole process be something nice for you really made a lot of sense to me. So I was learning Tai Chi and shiatsu and a lot of the other East Asian healing arts and they all kind of started to make sense in this. Well these are inside of you kind of too and you know as Things do one thing just kept leading to another, it started to take up more and more of my time, people were coming to the studio and asking for workshops and trainings and longer classes and more classes in different cities and just started to get more and more opportunities to share yoga in this way. And I just feel really lucky to be able to spend my time doing this helping myself and, and helping anybody that wants to feel better as well.

Gemma Toner  05:26

And wouldn't it wouldn't? What an interesting story, so you actually had yoga become a part of your life fairly early on? And then through dance. And so can you kind of explain to us how did you become this powerhouse that you are in the wellness movement, I mean, it's, it is how I'm fascinated, just, you know, tell us how you kind of shared with us how it has, how it began. But tell us more about how you've continued and how in the rebel that you are. Gosh,

Tara Stiles  06:00

I just felt so excited. And I think a lot of people have this feeling when something's kind of taking over their life in this way. You know, it really feels like Somebody's knocking me over my head every day saying you got to go into. And I felt that way, since I really enjoyed that first class. And it wasn't this, I need to start a business or I need to, you know, grow this brand, or whatever that was, I don't even think wellness was a word that I knew, or it wasn't being used back then in the way that it is being used now is this, you know, things to buy and brands to build. And there wasn't the internet in this way, kind of a, all of these ways that I think, you know, we see wellness and, and the industry now I just I just felt that overwhelming feeling of I have to help people in this way. This is so obvious to me. And for whatever reason, it just wasn't obvious to a lot of other people. And I felt that that was this huge. Not problem but huge thing that I needed to do, I guess. So back then getting started, it was literally just talking to anybody that I would meet through any other circumstance, whether it was dance, or just on the street or friends or friends or friends. And I would start to lead people very casually that I would meet through a little bit of yoga. And I would convince them to start by just asking them how they felt. And I mean, we all know people, people love to talk about this. And I would say, you know, how are you feeling? And it wasn't so much. You know, I want to convince you to do yoga, let me tell you the five reasons why yoga is good for you. It was How're you feeling what's going on, and somebody would say, you know, going through a hard time or my back hurts or I have this muscle pain or I'm sore from running or I'm overwhelmed with my job and it was always some some thing and my experience of yoga was okay yoga is so big, so broad, it can help you feel better emotionally also physically helps you kind of figure out what you need to do for yourself once you're kind of tuned in. So I just started kind of leading here and there. And that really led to classes in the park that were just free. I thought okay, let me just do this with people for fun. I started in a studio at that time as well, my my then boyfriend now Mike, my husband, who's part of Strala his apartment, I said, Well, your apartment has a little bit of a bigger living room than mine, my living room was also my my bedroom and my kitchen and the bathroom, as you do in New York. So we started in there. And you know, one thing just started leading to another people literally brought their friends and we needed a bigger space. And at the same time YouTube was happening and there wasn't any content on YouTube. I mean, I don't even think again, the word content was a word, but I remember learning about YouTube and seeing the funny cat videos and thinking okay, I just got a MacBook and it has a little camera in it, I can share these little videos, make little videos of yoga, and then put them out there for whoever can't come, you know, to the class in New York City I have a lot of friends back home and Illinois and friends starting to travel around and they're having stress and they're having these problems too. So I guess it was just a lot of things coming together especially with with the Internet. You know, people started watching these videos and I was pretty unaware of what that all meant. I just assumed it was some friend of mine back home clicking you know like or watch a million times so seeing something a big number online really didn't translate for me into knowing what that

Gemma Toner  09:33

is and it's incredible your intent you know, just it's so it's so genuine and clearly your presence it you literally feel it, you know, kind of just emanating from you so can you help us because for those of us that have trouble getting tuned in. Can you help us kind of address how do you how do we just kind of get out of bed and and make the commitment to moving our bodies. You know, it's it's so easy to wake up early and you know, pick up that phone and you know, get caught up in newsreels and, and Instagram, can you tell us how do we push through that? Or maybe it's not pushed? Just how do we how do we move? Move forward?

Tara Stiles  10:23

Yeah, you know, I think it gets harder and harder every year to with all of these things becoming more and more distractions, again, going back to, to YouTube, I remember back then thinking about the same things. And this was 2006 and seventh, so I made a really silly video, you know, yoga, you can do right in bed. And at that time, that was, you know, unheard of, oh, you can do an exercise in bed or meditation. But I thought you needed to be in a studio with a teacher, this whole formality. But I really think it's the same thing now. And maybe it starts I know, for me, especially since, you know, we all have these phones, and so many, the whole world is on there waiting to talk to us in any moment, and waiting to consume at any moment. I know for me, it's, it's not going to bed with that, it's just putting it outside in another room, which I think for a lot of folks can cause some anxiety for, you know, right away. So just kind of getting in the habit of putting it away in some way, getting another way to wake yourself up maybe a digital alarm clock, or whatever it is, you know, everybody has that. But my phone is my alarm, excuse. And I totally went down that that line as well. But I think it starts before even first thing in the morning. So when you wake up, you know, everybody's busy, everybody has so many things to do. And then so many reasons to stay connected in that way through our phones and through online connection. But really, if you have that small window of time, I like to see that morning as Okay, I have this this little moment. And if I if I can just do something in that moment to feel better than the rest of my day is gonna go better. So and I know if I if I kind of miss it and pick up the phone or pick up the email or just run into the shower, or whatever it is, I'm kind of going to that moment is going to pass over. So having that little bit of moment to just even if you're lying in bed, a few deep breaths, letting yourself relax a little bit so your breath can become big and full. I love learning that about yoga, I always kind of thought that you'd have to make these big, deep breaths happen. But really, if you're relaxed, your breath is already big in full. And it's kind of amazing, you literally do less and get more. So I think that's a huge experience that we can all kind of just tap into if we're able to put ourselves in that more relaxed state. So I think it's just kind of putting away the distractions just for a moment. It's not, you know, moving into a cave for your whole life and then wake up and whenever you do allow yourself, okay, I have this little moment I know something good is going to happen if I do it. And then you do this thing. And then hopefully day after day, it doesn't feel like a chore, oh, I have to do my breathing. I have to do my, my movement in the morning. It's something to look forward to. And you know, you're gonna feel better during that process as well, not just afterwards. Well,

Gemma Toner  13:13

I am truly and I know some of our listeners have have said this as well. I'm one of those people that the thought of it actually gets me stressed out in that, wait, am I doing it right? Can you kind of help us get past that, you know, you know, there, there must be a way as I listened to you, that the way you make yoga, and approach yoga is in a very forgiving way. And for those of us that are like, Oh, I just can't do this. I can't tune in. It's not possible. I'm just to a type, even when I wake up. Can you help us? How would we do that?

Tara Stiles  13:52

Oh my gosh, again, this is one of those that's driving me, I think one of my biggest complaints about yoga that I was experiencing, and also how, you know, we're all kind of, we want to do a good job, we want to please ourselves, and, and maybe if we're in a yoga class, we've been told, Oh, you're doing it wrong, you have to do it like this. So that's just kind of in there. Why even start if you're just gonna feel like you're doing it wrong. But I love this idea that the Yoga works if it actually feels like you. So in a way, you know, we all know what to do soften and breathe a little bit. But whenever you hear those little annoying voices in your head that says, Oh, you're not doing it right or you're not stretching far enough or whatever it is. Just know that that's kind of a little bit of a trick in a way and it's not real. You know, you're you're doing the movements, you're doing what you can do without stressing yourself out. And that's really the great spot where it does work. And I just, you know, I love that message. Yoga only works when it feels like you so, you know you can take the movements as a guideline, but none of these poses these final positions are a goal. And I love even thinking about yoga as not poses because that word right there even becomes an endpoint, which becomes a place or a destination. And then final and stiff and rigid. But if you're just lying in bed, you hug your knees into your chest, roll around a little side to side, let your knees fall to one side, open up, and let your breath come through you. Oh, my goodness, I mean, so much happening. Right there. And I think when people get the hang of that, and, and really feel that it's inside of them, it does feel good. So I think it's really just, just getting out of that mindset of I'm doing it wrong, or it stresses me out and realizing that it's going to feel better when it feels like you so start to allow yourself to actually feel better in that way.

Gemma Toner  15:57

Well, that makes it seem so much more fun to you know, just like it's it's okay, you're okay. So can you can you know, in your book, you know, can you speak to kind of the lack of energy? And is our is motivation and energy, something that go together? Or is it something else when it comes to our, you know, our well being and, and just sort of moving through

Tara Stiles  16:27

our lives? Oh, my gosh, years ago, I got to meet Deepak Chopra. And he's just so like, like a big uncle to me and invited me to do more things and more things with him. And we were doing this interview together about this yoga app a lot like the first yoga app, I think ever, and, and he said something, and it really, I mean, so many things that just teach me so much. But he said motivation is a fear based thing. You know, I'm doing this because I don't want something bad to happen. And he said, when you feel inspired, you feel better, you have more energy, you're doing all of these things. And I'm thinking, Okay, well, that's, you know, he's a really smart guy. That's a lot of you no words and all these things. But then I started thinking about it. And, you know, if I'm going to do yoga, because I feel like I need to because I'm stressed and this is, you know, I want to get outside of myself, I want to escape myself, then, you know, again, the yoga isn't the solution, you're the solution, how you feel your mindset. So I love that idea of energy and inspiration. Again, if you can soften and let your breath move through you, you really start to feel more connected to your energy, you start to learn where to use yourself, where to not use yourself, kind of this big idea of conservation of energy, you can do yoga in a very stressed way. And it actually depletes you, you finish the class, you finish your practice, and you feel good, because you feel like you survived something that was really challenging, you kind of get that cortisol boost or whatever that you know that Yay, it's over. But, but really, there's so much more if you can allow yourself to relax while you're doing something, whether it's simple or challenging, you feel good every single step of the way, it doesn't mean that you're just lying on the couch. But it means that you feel energized, and you're learning also how to use your energy properly. So you feel good, and your energy isn't depleted, it's actually feeling more refreshed or fulfilled at the end of a practice as well. So I think it all definitely does go together and starts with that not really intention just in your mind, but how you're doing everything. If you're doing something to escape yourself, it's going to feel more exhausting. And if you're doing something, because you're found a way to move where it feels more enjoyable, then you're going to feel and gain more energy from that.

Gemma Toner  18:55

Hmm, well, on that note, can you actually walk us through or lead us through I should say, a breathing exercise to help us kind of find that place that we just talked about? Because with so many of us being overwhelmed, stressed out, you know, there's the challenges of all that's happening in the world at the moment. So often, we all need just a little reset. And sometimes that you know, you can get stuck in your own head and kind of swirl around and if you will, can you help us do that just to get is it? Is it something we can do and in a few minutes, or is it something that takes 20 minutes?

Tara Stiles  19:43

From my perspective, it has to be quick, otherwise we can't do it.

Gemma Toner  19:48

You're talking my language.

Tara Stiles  19:51

I mean, it's great to do a yoga class and 30 minutes an hour, whatever. But you know, even if you get to do that once a day, you still have the rest of the time the day And that stress, that tension that whatever is going to come back at you. And unless you have a little technique to soften and breathe and come back to yourself, and you know, you're just doing the one good thing and then collecting the stress the rest of the day, so yeah, let's definitely do it enough of this talking. Okay,

Gemma Toner  20:18

I'm ready. Oh,

Tara Stiles  20:21

definitely all the time. Thank you for asking. So wherever you are, just could be sitting could be lying down standing really doesn't matter. The most important thing is that you're actually comfortable. So you kind of move around from your middle. And this is a big clue here. Letting your whole self relax a little bit, this idea of softening, so it's a little bit of a bend in your elbows, your shoulders, just relax

Gemma Toner  20:49

a little bit here.

Tara Stiles  20:54

And gently let yourself roll around in from your middle, from your belly, maybe that turns into your lower back a little bit, that whole center. And let the rest of you just go along for the ride of your middle. So trailing your center. Start to breathe a little bit more big and full here. And notice in a place it feels a little stuck or a little tight and really let yourself hanging out in that place. So you don't need to ignore yourself. If you find a little tension in your back or your shoulder, just hang there. Like you'd give a good friend a listen to some attention. Give yourself that same attention. Taking a few big breaths, or view feel that stuck place or that interesting place. And when that place changes or shifts or your attention shifts, let yourself roll around a little bit more. And eventually finding a nice, more neutral place. Watching your breath, move three here. Big and house filling you up. Like a big ball expanding and long exhales. Softening easy. Take a big inhale and exhale. Twice more big and long exhale. Once more big inhale exhale simply notice how you feel. yourself. Simply roll around a little bit here a little shift and drift maybe bring your attention outside of yourself a bit. See what's going on in your space you what you notice how you feel. And that's simple. It kind of never stops. You can always keep doing that.

Gemma Toner  23:31

Oh, what a lovely, what a lovely exercise. And wow, thank you. Thank you. And, you know, I want to shift gears just after that and ask kind of a question that we've touched on, which is, you know, now I'm feeling so energized and comfortable. You know, it's it's a little uncomfortable asking this question. But you are the yoga rebel. And I think you can help us. You know, I've certainly invited pals to join Me in yoga in a practice. And so often, I hear and our listeners have shared you know, it's just not for me, I don't feel welcome. You know, that's not been enough. I don't see anyone that looks like me there. You know, can you speak to how we can be even more inviting and make this more accessible to to women who are feeling like well, I just don't not try belong?

Tara Stiles  24:31

Oh my gosh, again, that's a huge one of those voices in my head pulling me for so long and something I think about all the time and for me, it's not about you know, putting a different language or tagline on the wall. Everybody's invited. It needs to be in how everybody is in that space from the teacher to anybody else that happens to be aware of how they're moving around. Again, it starts with a guide for me that's the most important thing to help people feel like they belong, I mean, that's the whole goal of life everybody is, is special. I mean, that's at least how I've always understood, you know, the goodness of kind of being here and sharing these practices. So for me, it's about, you know, not being pretentious about knowing that yoga is inside of everybody, you know, I, I have this cool job that I can share a practice of yoga with somebody and keep them safe, I get to be a guide, I don't have any special wisdom about themselves that they don't understand. So I think right there, it completely levels, the playing field. And yoga along with, you know, so many other things in life has become this, I know more than us. So I'm going to kind of treat you in a certain way and make you feel confused about things. And, you know, it really starts from, from the instructor from the environment, but I think it's a really great time now, you know, everybody wants to feel better, you know, we're all in this same boat of trying to do our best job for ourselves, self care is finally becoming a popular word, you know, so, I think it's really headed toward a better direction. And that's really been my goal all along, you know, I really love that in all of our classes, we have, you know, kind of feels like a bar joke, you know, we have a nun, a rabbi, a student, an actress, a mom, a dad, whoever, you know, and everybody feels included, because the yoga is inside of them. So I think for, you know, if anybody out there is listening, that's a yoga teacher, it's really about, you know, knowing that you're enough leading the class, you don't have to put on an act to put on a show. And being comfortable with yourself really makes everybody else feel comfortable. And for people coming to a yoga class, the great thing about yoga now, even 20 years ago, is, there's so much available and saying, you know, I don't mean to be kind of silly about it. But if you go to a restaurant and you got food poisoning, or you don't like the food, it doesn't mean that you stop eating food, it just means that you, you go to a different restaurant, or maybe you find out if, if there was something wrong with the food that day. And you and you keep looking around for the community that that works for you. And I think yoga can be just like that as well. And you can create your own communities as well, I don't think it's only one way to go out and try to join something that exists outside of yourself, I love this idea that the people around you are your community already. So you can start up a class with your family, your friends, you know, bring people over, especially now with online classes, you know, you can do yoga online with somebody that you feel comfortable with. Or you can go to a class that your friend enjoys, and you know that you'll feel comfortable there. So I don't think it's about kind of going to something that makes you feel uncomfortable and trying to be comfortable. A lot still needs to change within yoga, I think it starts with, of course, the teachers but also the people in the classes to create more healthy communities and really show that that's what we want, we want healthy communities, we want to celebrate each other, we all are here to feel better. And and that's really the

Gemma Toner  28:16

goal. And we all belong, you know, that just as everyone needs to be doing yoga, we all belong. So, you know, we're gonna wrap up in a few, I just wanted to ask you a question, because so much of what we're looking to do here, at tone and with this particular podcast is, you know, ask questions, or have conversations that people sometimes aren't comfortable with. Right? And so I just wanted to ask you, you know, what is the next conversation you would like to have, you know, when you think of, geez, you know, I'd like to hear or learn or ask a question that I haven't asked to in my community.

Tara Stiles  28:59

Oh, my gosh, I think it really comes down also to this rigidity. And you know, it's really easy to see especially in a yoga class or wellness community the rigidity outside of ourselves and you know, kind of point fingers there's, there's all the problems out there with that teacher, that community or whatever, but, but often, you know, it also exists inside of ourselves. So I think that's a lot of the conversation that I'd love to see and maybe listen in on and see how people feel about that. You know, I love sharing yoga in this way because it helps us recognize our own rigidity and say, Okay, I can actually do something about this I can soften and when I feel better, the people around me automatically feel better. I don't even need to be a yoga teacher for that to happen. If I am that's cool, but if I'm teaching school or if I'm with my family, or whatever it is, if I'm more soft, if I'm less rigid and less tense, then automatically the community around me improve Have some, I love to be a fly on the wall or be a part of those conversations about getting rid of that tension, that rigidity that stuckness within ourselves, or at least recognizing it and finding a better way, making these practices simply about feeling better and, and seeing how that can really affect that that kind of bigger change that we're all kind of looking for outside of ourselves or frustrated with, with the world and with with, you know, our own communities and things like that?

Gemma Toner  30:32

Well, we are definitely going to have that conversation of because that's a one that I'm sure lots of our listeners would like to have. So I can't thank you enough, Tara, you know, you have been just so amazing. And having this conversation, I hope, I know, it certainly enlightened me, and I am sure our listeners are going to feel the same way. And what I'd love to have you do is just share with us where our listeners can learn more about you, and about the yoga rebel that you are and all that you do. Oh my gosh, well, everybody's

Tara Stiles  31:07

invited. Of course, you know, that's a real invitation. So we have a Strala yoga app, and we have live yoga class every day, you know, that's super fun. As well as lots of videos. Of course, you can choose from any time. So feel free to join that if you need help joining that literally message us, we want you there, if you want to be there, if anything's in the way you can find me on all those social platforms. I started this yoga Tip of the Day on Instagram just to try to be useful and also back myself out of this oversharing mentality, I think which is stressing a lot of us out anyway. So I said, Okay, I leave yoga, I can lead a little yoga Tip of the day, every day. And that's become a really nice, easy entry into just have little tips to soften during the day. And, and all of the movements are really simple and not to be dumbed down at all. But just things that we can literally do at any moment of the day and actually feel better. So I've been having good time with that. So I'm at Tara stiles.com, and Strala yoga.com. But feel free to join us for yoga at the Strala yoga app, or just message me in any of these places. And I love hearing from people it's, for me really part of the joy of sharing and connecting so so don't be shy. I told you we learned in the chat.

Gemma Toner  32:25

You are so amazing and so generous. You know, we also had some great videos, from our tone, talk with you about self care and the importance of it. So you truly are someone who is a rebel warrior, a woman on a mission, which is again, so exciting and and so generous of you to really help us all. So finally, I just want to remind our listeners that you know this is about conversations that you want to have. So just remember to please, you know, submit your ideas on the link below. And I just want to remind everyone that again, you have the power to set the tone of your life. Thank you. Thank you all. Visit tone networks.com for more content like this and stay tuned for next week's episode of have you had this conversation