#2 | Taylor James (P2) - Is Social Media REALLY Helping Your Self-Care?

0:00:00 - Speaker 1

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0:00:11 - Speaker 1

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0:00:26 - Speaker 2

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0:00:45 - Speaker 3

It's a weird one for me because the scales are never quite level. It's like I either get myself into a good physical routine, then I'd notice my mental health kind of dips a little bit. That's interesting.

0:01:01 - Speaker 1

You mentioned the toolkit just then and you said pre your mum, you didn't know what that toolkit mum, you didn't know what that toolkit was. You didn't know about it. All the things you put in that toolbox now have you developed that over the course of the podcast itself or do you think there were things there beforehand that you might be tapping back into?

0:01:16 - Speaker 3

If I'm being honest, the first, the first two tools that I had in my toolkit, I think, were my sense of humor and music. I think they've always been there. I've always been able to kind of find the funny in a situation or kind of make like not a joke out of it. You know like lighthearted yeah, out of it um, but then obviously that can only take you so far. There's only so many adal albums that I can listen to before I'm like, okay, you need to stop crying now on the train you need to like there's got to be other things here, sure?

um so then, even when first someone first mentioned journaling, I was like, absolutely not like dear diary. Today this happened to me. Don't get me wrong. Now I'm like dear diary, I'm back, yeah it's so powerful though, and now these things are becoming like like my real kind of like go-to's. Um, I'm not great when it comes to. It's a weird one with me because, like the scales are never quite level.

0:02:16 - Speaker 2

It's like I either get myself into a good like physical, like like, I guess, routine, then I'd notice, like my mental health kind of like dips a little bit so I have I've yet to learn like a balance of it all um, but I think that's from like spinning too many plates um I saw a study the other day and it said 72 percent of entrepreneurs struggle with a mental health issue, with the highest one being anxiety. And I'm so anxious, like all the time You're stressing about so many things just from a business standpoint and trying to juggle so many plates. You know payments you said you have 12 people, you know. Then you've also got to do cameras, lights, production, post-production these are things which people don't think about. And then you've got to do your taxes and just like loads of things.

I'm not surprised but like I get they get days for myself where I'm like I literally can't work. I'm so stressed out, I'm so wound up. I just need to like go and lie down and not speak to anyone and I'm like I'm comfortable missing that. I get those days. Had that day last week, as I cannot do this today. I was so literally stressed, my eyeballs, everything. You know what those days were. Just everything goes wrong and you're like I can't see a way out of it. I just need to go lie down, no one speak to me, put my away, and then you come back and you're like slightly overreacting, but it's becoming more frequent. And then you, like you said before about journaling, I just find for me I don't journal.

I've tried breath work with people like Jamie Clements, who's insane, I found, like ice bathing or just sitting in something cold, I don't know why, just completely, although it shocks my body and that's what it's meant to do. It's all that's kind of my out and it helps me sort of reset a bit and then I go back, I shower and I get going again, but it's just it's so hard because I feel like it's different for everybody. Like we talk, you go for gym quite a lot when you're feeling stressed or do anyway. But ice bathing is great for me a lot of the time. Journaling is great for you. What advice would you give to people who might not know?

0:04:30 - Speaker 3

you know what that thing is to be honest, I think it's why it's so important that podcasts like this exist, because we I mean, we can sit here and talk about the things that get us through those days, but for a huge period of time, like refuse to journal. Like I just said, the thought of getting an ice bath, absolutely not. There's days with the gym like not happening. Yet when it comes to like swimming, I every day like I could go and just like switch off and just non-negotiable yeah, really um.

But then when I tried ice baths, I was like, oh, actually, this isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. And it's the same with journaling You've got to find your thing like, regardless of whether you're going to like it or you think you're going to like it or not. Sometimes it's the thing that you don't want to do is exactly the thing that you need to do. So you can have this judgment on like breath, work or meditation and stuff like that, but just try it. If it doesn't work, you've learned something. Then try the next thing, because what works for you? That, to be fair, it's one of the reasons why the podcast started.

There was all these conversations at the time of like you know, if you're struggling with your mental health, go for a walk, like meditate and this, and you know just like. Well, I don't want to do either of those things. So I'm going to sit down now and talk to people who do their own thing and maybe I can take something away from it. But I think the important bit is just to try like. You may not like it, you may absolutely love it, but the important bit is you try, because I don't think there's anyone on this planet that could tell you it's the wrong thing to do, if it gets you through that storm or puts a smile in your face, as long as you're not hurting anyone just try.

0:06:04 - Speaker 2

I saw a podcast I think it was david goggins who said it originally, but it's been put into loads of different people's podcasts now and it's basically just saying waking up and doing something incredibly hard the first part of the day, whether that's going to the gym, going for a long run, whatever it is everything else on that day just feels a lot easier after that. And I've heard that recently and I kind of thought about it before. But you know, when someone says it gives you the reassurance like okay, this actually makes sense. I gym quite early now two, three days a week at like 6 30 and I just get it done and I go really, really hard and then I always find that day so much easier.

But the minute my routine cracks, I'm quite big on routine and I like decide oh, I just need a bit more of a line today, like I'm not feeling good or you know I didn't sleep very well during the night. I'm a wreck with like all my decisions throughout the rest of that day, which I always find really interesting. I know if I don't go now, I'm screwed later on in the the day, even though I might feel better because I had a bit more sleep. It's just like a mental switch. I don't know if it's just me, but do you feel? Feel like that was stuff?

0:07:10 - Speaker 3

yeah, there's two things with that, I think. When we talk about, like self care and, you know, going to the gym or you know, these things that like really help us. Like, for some people, like it can be just as something simple, as like making your bed, I found like when I was like really not in a good headspace, I wouldn't make my bed, and then it was just like it would filter in, like well, I'm not going to the gym, like I mean, it's such a horrible mood like this that neither. But then I started to break it down into like the simple things, like making my bed, drinking a liter of water before I left the house, like these little things. And then they started to build into the habits, they started to make me feel good, and then it gave me the tools then to like, well, actually I'm going to go to the gym, actually, then I'm going to go and do this. I'm actually going to do my weekly shop in the morning rather than surrounded by screaming people, like after work in the evening.

It was all these things like recognizing what is working and like celebrating those like real small wins in what is working, and like celebrating those like real small wins. He doesn't always have to be like these real grand gestures, um, because for some people it is just the simple things like making your bed, um. And I think the second part with that, um, I think it is a lot of anxiety comes down to routine, like when things do go out the window while things change. That's when I feel like things do get incredibly heightened, and then it's always on those days as well like you catch your arm on the door or something as well, like it never happens at any time other than when you're having a bad day like it's so ridiculous shouting at the door yeah, it's like.

Yeah, it's honestly, wine's real terrible.

0:08:47 - Speaker 2

But yeah, I think we are. Why doesn't that happen? Why don't I have a patch of my shirt on the door on a good day?

0:08:51 - Speaker 3

Always on a bad day, that's got to be annoying.

0:08:54 - Speaker 2

now we're talking about when something falls out of the cupboard and you're just like, oh, you know what, stop your toe.

0:09:02 - Speaker 3

It's always on that day, but I think we are creatures of habit. I think, post pandemic, I think it has got worse because I think you know we had our freedom freedom taken away from us. Now we've got it back. It's like now I need to fill every hour of the day with something, otherwise I'm like, deemed as lazy or unproductive, and like some of those days when, if you didn't make it to the gym, you, your body, is probably telling you that you need to rest. So yeah, it's. It's a tricky one because I really struggle with it myself. So I can't sit here and give advice because it'd make me a hypocrite. So if you've got any advice.

0:09:41 - Speaker 2

I don't think hustle culture has helped a lot no because I see stuff online and it's like I wake up at three yeah and then I go gym for three hours and then I made a hundred thousand pounds. I'm just like it's like what with those kind of posts? Now you guys are doing this, or don't?

0:09:58 - Speaker 3

troll in? I really don't. Don't troll in, but prove it. Yeah, prove to me.

That's what you did and then I'll believe you because I think quite a lot of that stuff is purely now just for social media and you know, looking for something that and, to be fair, and it's quite, I have a real difficult relationship with mental health content creators because very early on in the like the, the days of the waffle shop and stuff like that I connected with a lot of people and it kind of did what it needed to do. I was like learning stuff, whereas now those kind of people like are almost like following people or like calling people out and just like they're on their own journey, like just let them be. Like. Again, it comes down to that like what works for you isn't going to work for someone else.

Like true, why are we like almost comparing mental health conditions for social media? Like true, that's not what it's about. It's true like you might be struggling worse than me, but at the same time, there's going to be days when I might struggle worse than you. But what's kind of important is that we recognize it, we talk about, we work through it together, not, like you know, isolating people, yeah, or comparing I thought there's also a massive thing of like an us and them mentality.

0:11:15 - Speaker 1

It's my fight. Therefore, no one else can ever understand me.

0:11:17 - Speaker 3

Therefore, it's just, it's punishing and painting the same brush honestly it's it baffles me because we're all kind of like fighting this fight of like talk about it. You know we're in this together. Then you kind of you see these accounts and stuff that are just doing the complete opposite. Yet, yeah, I don't know, that's tough. I got told off once because I said about say anything on here.

Yeah, I got told off for comparing my panic attack to stubbing my toe and I like I had a lot of like I've been pretty sure the apple review, the apple podcast review, is still there because I don't think you can take it off. Um, that, yeah, because I said that I had a panic attack once and I compared it to stubbing my toe, because there was like this instant, like like can't breathe, like this is, I'm angry, like what is going on. I didn't know what was happening. And then afterwards, once I breathed through it, I almost kind of like laughed. I was like, oh well, that was. I thought I was going to die, but I didn't. You know that kind of thing. And then, yeah, I had a few messages to say like how dare you? You've clearly never experienced a panic attack. I was like, well, I'm drenched in my own sweat, like my mouth is incredibly dry, so, and my heart is racing like I've just got off the treadmill yeah so how have I not just experienced a panic attack like you?

just people, just love to hate.

0:12:38 - Speaker 2

That's my experience. It's honestly, it baffles me I feel like adhd stuff has been really destroyed on social media.

0:12:45 - Speaker 3

It's almost sexy. It's almost sexy to have ADHD now.

0:12:49 - Speaker 2

I did a post on social media about eight months ago. I did a post about ADHD just in my journey. I didn't even I wasn't even following ADHD content. So I did a post about my ADHD, uh, just to help people who had like been replying to my stories and stuff, and I was like these are four things I look out for. And the top comment was just like shut up, you idiot. I was like cool, I was like I won't be posting about this again.

0:13:20 - Speaker 3

Share your journey, talk about it. It's important to talk.

0:13:22 - Speaker 2

I was just trying to help some people shut up, you idiot. It's just like, okay, yeah, fair. But I feel like adhd has been like everyone seems to have it now and it's just it's so frustrating because when we brought dr mark on, he like broke it down properly, uh, and he was like it's 500 symptoms of adhd. He did the whole background on it and he was like it's so frustrating when I see people just be like, oh, I can't focus, yeah, I must just have adhd, because it's more than that, it's impulsivity. You know, a lot of relationship problems come from that. It's like a lack of dopamine, lack of melatonin when you sleep, so you don't sleep as well, and it's just, it's never-ending spiral. But people just see it as, oh, I'm hyper today, isn't it exactly?

0:14:02 - Speaker 3

andword there, isn't it Exactly? And social media has destroyed it a bit. You know like if people did things a certain way, they would say like, oh, I'm so OCD. It's like but are you diagnosed OCD or are you just saying that just like? Yeah, self-diagnosis, and I think it's the same with adhd. It's become a bit and I'm not pointing fingers here like I'm making it perfectly.

I'm only speaking from personal experience, because there's days when I'm not diagnosed adhd but like there's certain traits that I probably can relate to. I'm like I probably should get tested but at the same time, like I'm nowhere near in a position that I need like proper help for it. So I'm just going to kind of carry on. If it was at a point where it was like really, you know, stopping me or kind of like, I guess restricting me to do certain things, and yes, but you've just got to carry on.

0:14:52 - Speaker 1

By the same token, you could take a thousand neurotypical people and they could probably have traits of the same thing. Yeah, they could probably have traits of the same thing. Yeah, they could probably have these. They're 500 plus traits. They probably have about 20 or 30 of their own and yet no one would ever say to them they have adhd.

0:15:03 - Speaker 2

So yeah, it does we were speaking with charlotte fry the other day she's like an adhd coach, uh and she was saying the list for the nhs for adhd like medication to be seen with adhd is now like seven years wow just imagine I applied today. I would see someone when I was 30. It's like pretty nuts to think about. It's like that seven years of your life that you're struggling on just to see someone for it there are parts of the uk that have 10 year waiting list of mental health.

0:15:32 - Speaker 1

It's crazy to go to the gp. I don't.

0:15:34 - Speaker 2

I don't feel like this is do people not speak about this stuff as much, or like I just like hear of it?

0:15:39 - Speaker 3

but I think you think there's a risk now of we've gone through a phase of not talking enough about this kind of thing to now talking?

0:15:47 - Speaker 1

we're talking too much.

0:15:48 - Speaker 3

Agreed here, completely agree and with this kind of like conversation especially, there is a lot of noise, there was a lot of conversations happening, but there's not a lot of facts. So you see, some of these like social media content creators again, I'm not taking shots at anyone, um, you can name them I'm not gonna name them

before you carry on right now, but there's a few people that straight away come to like mind that they are not medically trained in any form of capacity. Giving out this like advice of like this is what you should do if you're struggling with anxiety dangerous or I can fix your anxiety in these three easy steps. No, you can't. Nope, like even top doctors can't fix you in three easy steps. Like it's not, it's not really a thing that can be fixed. You can like work through it and you can, I guess, develop coping strategies and stuff like that, but you can't fix this type of stuff.

It's yeah, it's so dangerous, it really is dangerous. And then you think about, like these people that might not be struggling to a certain extent seeing this type of contact almost getting talked into, yeah, getting yeah, well, I must have anxiety, I must have adhd, because that person on social media has named three things that I do exactly once in my life. So now I'm gonna like jump and I'm not. I don't know what I need. I know exactly what you mean I don't know if I'm being a bit too long.

0:17:10 - Speaker 2

Yeah, we talk about this quite a lot as well. It's like I don't know how to put like a pinpoint on it where I want people to talk as we talk and be open, but not to just self-diagnose with everything. Almost believe everything you see on social media. I was just looking on my phone then there's, um, there's this guy called scott cairney investigates his podcast and he like murders andrew huberman on like investigations and he like murders Andrew Huberman on like investigations.

0:17:39 - Speaker 3

And he just like talks about like his knowledge. Yeah, I was like oh okay, true crime documentary.

0:17:44 - Speaker 2

But he like goes on about Andrew Huberman and how like I think Huberman's great, I believe everything he says, but he says a lot of the facts he gives like aren't backed properly. Yeah, and it's just like you believe so much of what you hear. And I'm not saying what Andrew Huberman says isn't true, because I don't know. I'm just going off what this guy's stuff I listen to allegedly they can't teach you that.

0:18:07 - Speaker 3

I just find it very interesting.

0:18:09 - Speaker 2

It's very easy to see a video and just believe it, and I think that is becoming slightly damaging. I don't know how you monitor that though. Yeah, and I think that that is becoming slightly damaging. I don't know how you monitor that, though I think it's a generational thing.

0:18:23 - Speaker 3

Yeah, I really do. I think it'll be the next thing, like in a few months. I think that'll be something else. But you see it like now, with like celebrity culture, like if someone is seen like photographed with a different person to whoever that like partner is, all of a sudden it's like this yeah, I mean you saw it recently, like you know, I I hate kind of speaking about this, especially because they're not here anymore.

But the whole jay slater thing, it's like people jumped on that and there was conspiracy theories. There was, like it, let the police do their job, whether you trust it or not, like it sometimes does way more damage than it is doing good, and I think it's it's the same. When it comes to, like, the mental health side of things. I I do think there is a lot of damage being done by social media tiktok, because people are so impressionable like we, we can't get off our phones and if you are consuming this kind of content, you only have to view one of those videos once or twice by accident before some form of algorithm can start firing you those videos daily. So then next thing, you know your whole feed is being full of this type of content. Whether it's good, whether it's bad, like either way, it's leaving some form of impression on you.

0:19:37 - Speaker 2

The algorithm is scary you know a lot of my algorithm is just like podcast content.

0:19:42 - Speaker 3

Yeah.

0:19:43 - Speaker 2

And then I'll speak to someone and I'll be like, oh, do you see that clip of this person? They'll be like, no, yeah. And I'll be like, oh, I just assumed everyone sees it. It's so like disgustingly tailored to you. It's like when I sit next to my mates who are playing cricket, theirs will be like cricket, or theirs will be like all about different business bits or whatever, and I'm just like in my head I don't know why I always assumed me, joe yourself, shapan, we'd all just be watching the same thing, but it's just like no one's even heard of the stuff I'm watching.

Yeah, oh, wow, it's just, it's a whole, it's just scary yeah I just find that whole social media world scary and the fact of oversharing. It's like I feel like you have to share your knowledge, but not over too much, and this is why I love having guests on, because there's only so much like as you feel when you're in two people. It's only so much you can share, like you can't just make stuff up. Yeah, you, you share your story, you share your thing we can.

I might say yeah, we were streaming in a hundred thousand, but you don't know do you, you don't, you could just make it.

0:20:47 - Speaker 3

I don't believe some of these people that are I mean, I'm not calling them out like I don't the nicest way possible, like I don't care enough to like know, like, what they're doing. As long as I kind of I'm safe, my family's safe, and like we're kind of like in our own little kind of like bubble, people can do whatever they want to do everyone's on their own path. But I think it all comes down to authenticity hey guys, tom here.

0:21:09 - Speaker 2

We hope you enjoyed part two. If you do enjoy these videos, please like and subscribe to the channel. It helps us massively.

0:21:16 - Speaker 3

Here's a bit of what you can expect to see in part three something must be feeling off in your gut if you're kind of regurgitating content that doesn't sit right with you, whether it's this kind of like hustle culture, but I don't think a lot of people are recognizing what's going on right in front of their face.