#2 | Taylor James (P3) - Finding Strength Through Music and Therapy + Joes Car Crash!

0:00:00 - Speaker 1

Something must be feeling off in your gut if you're kind of regurgitating content that doesn't sit right with you, whether it's this kind of like hustle culture but I don't think a lot of people are recognizing what's going on right in front of their face.

Something must be feeling off in your gut if you're kind of regurgitating content that doesn't sit right with you.

Because that I'm saying that from personal experience, because I was having these conversations like last year I think I even said it to you at the podcast show like I need to move away from the mental health conversation, not because, like I'm fixed or anything like I still struggle, like, as I said, I'm on propanolol for my anxiety, um, but I can't keep having that conversation because it doesn't sit right with me anymore. Like mental health will always be a part of my life, a huge part of my life, but there is also a hell of a lot more going on in my life just than, like, anxiety and depression and these conversations. Yes, they're important to talk about, but there are so many things that are worth talking about and there's experts out there that can talk about like this kind of stuff and they're the people in the nicest way possible that if you're looking for solid kind of advice on how to get better, that's how you are going to get better by focusing on those voices.

That's so true. These kind of conversations are so powerful, because you're talking about, like relatable things. You're talking about things that have happened to you in the hope that other people don't feel as shit as we did at that point so true so don't get me wrong, like and subscribe to these kind of podcasts.

But if you are genuinely looking to get better, these kind of conversations are going to give you the signposts. But if you want proper help, listen to the experts, because we're not experts. We're not sitting here like with ph. I mean you might be, I don't know like little, do you know yeah?

so you don't the drummy like that, yeah, I'd always advise like professional help, because very early days and you probably get this as well there's be a lot of people very early doors for me were sliding to my dms offloading their like real kind of like whether it was grief, like mental, like health issues, like family issues you're not equipped to do and I'm not equipped to it. I tried to be and I used to have like dms always open in my bio and it got to a stage where I I just I wasn't switching off and then I wasn't dealing with my own mental health because I was trying to help other people.

You're worried about them yeah and I'm I would help anyone but boundaries, boundaries, yeah again another lesson from.

I didn't know what a boundary really was until I had to kind of start putting them in place to protect myself, because this was an outlet for me yeah, and I know it's an outlet for other people now to like listen in but at the same time, like if you are struggling to a point where you need, like, professional help, go to the professionals, go to the doctors, because there's that's what's going to help you, speaking of which, when you say professionals were you?

0:03:02 - Speaker 2

did you ever go to see one?

0:03:02 - Speaker 1

firstly, yes, you did, I had therapy. I had two therapy sessions, I believe it was two or three in my mom's home, okay, and where she was it was just like a family therapist. Um, that kind of opened the floodgates of how I was feeling okay um, then the pandemic hit. So then it was like well, I can't go on a waiting list because these floodgate. Anyone who's been to therapy will know like it opens the floodgates like band-aids and ripped off, it's going to rip you to shreds like for the long run, like stick with it because it will get better, um.

so yeah, that's when I started the podcast and then I started to talk, start to speak to people about it, all, um. But then it's only really been in the past two years where I've really thrown myself into therapy, like one on one sessions, and then she dumped me actually you just brought that back up she dumped me around Valentine's Day.

My sense of humour is obviously what quite wrongfully or rightly gets me through these situations and we were having this conversation. She was like I feel like you know you've done really well, like you've applied this stuff, that we've worked through like this, that and neither um. But I think I've talked to you as far as I can take you and I was like are you dumping me?

0:04:17 - Speaker 3

yeah, and she was like yeah, it's me. Yeah, I feel like this isn't working out. Yeah, it's like therapy.

0:04:23 - Speaker 1

Yeah, completed that. So on to the next one. But wow, I think it just because it got to a stage where at first I was a bit like, well, what am I going to do? Like I've kind of relied on you. But then through therapy, I found I will. Actually all the tools that I needed were already there, I just needed to apply them and have that confidence yeah, yeah that I was going to get through that tough period or whatever life was going to throw at me.

Yeah, so I advise it to anyone. Um, yeah, and the therapist that I had was yeah, past tense. Um, yeah, she was incredible okay.

0:04:56 - Speaker 3

I'm starting to find that with a lot of things is everyone has the right ideas and I think, deep down, everyone knows what they have to do, a lot of the, but people just don't like to execute on it. And I would massively procrastinate and be like I'm going to do it, like I've got this idea or I know I need to do this, like I need to get up at this time, and I would never do it. Now I've just started doing things. I think 90% of the problem is just people just don't do it and people just worry, worry and they want wind themselves up and it gets progressively worse and worse and it comes down to the underlying factor they still haven't done it.

The minute you've done it, you figure stuff out. You're like, oh, that works, that didn't work, that works, I'm gonna push forward. And you go up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down, but you're up here now rather than down here, instead of just having 50,000 ideas and thoughts. I'm going to get up at this time and maybe do it once then just not do it again. I think that's the biggest thing, whether it's in business, in life, with your mental health, fitness, relationships is you just need to do it, and I don't know why more people don't. It sounds so easy, but it's actually like very draining doing it as well.

0:06:01 - Speaker 1

Everyone's focused on the goal. Everyone is focused on like, get to that result agreed, and I think we become. I think it is whether it's comparison, whether it's this kind of like hustle culture, but I don't think a lot of people are recognizing what's going on right in front of their face because they're too busy looking at what everyone else is doing or focusing on an unachievable goal. I know I'm never, ever going to have a six-pack, so if I was holding up to that like like standard of like that, why did you laugh? That wasn't a funny moment.

0:06:40 - Speaker 3

I ran here.

0:06:46 - Speaker 1

This top was white, but no, it's like, if I constantly like focus on, like, I know that that's probably not a goal that I'm going to achieve, but it's not going to stop me from like looking after, like my physical health, like again, yeah, I don't know, that might not be what it is, but I think from personal experience like I know I'm never going to like have a podcast that is, you know, on the level of like the diary of your ceo.

Is it going to stop me from doing what I love? Absolutely not. So I could sit here and be like and today it's a lot of conversation I actually fired a client because of this mentality. They came in with this impression of like I want to be steven bartlett, I want to be joe rogan, I want that kind of thing.

0:07:25 - Speaker 3

I was like you're not I'm not going to work with you, yeah steven bartlett is steven bartlett.

0:07:29 - Speaker 1

He has an incredible team around him. Joe Rogan's the same, like you know, whatever your opinions of them, but they have worked to get to where they are. Like you're not just going to step into in front of a microphone one day and then bam you're. You know you're being played on like the aeroplanes and stuff or whatever he is on now.

0:07:47 - Speaker 2

He's everywhere.

0:07:54 - Speaker 1

But you need to kind of, I guess, be happy with who you are before you go into any form of like business relationship or like hobby. Even focus on what you can control, like take a look inwards before you start kind of I guess projecting, because I think that's where there's definitely where some of my anxiety comes from, because I'm comparing myself and it's those days where I have to really check myself. I was like, well, actually you've done okay, just plodding along by yourself. So it could have very easily stopped me in my tracks. But if you love something, you've got a passion for it. Keep doing it. So that was a rant and a half.

0:08:30 - Speaker 3

No, no, no, I completely think it is. It's important. My dad told me last year when I sort of start up the business startup podcast and everything, he was like I know you're focused on the end goal, but he was like please just treat this journey like a train journey, like look out the window, enjoy the ride, enjoy the views, because this will fly by. And this is the biggest problem everyone makes is they always focus on the last thing and when they get there they realize the most important thing was the last five, six years of the journey that they just completely disregarded because they were too focused on that final goal and that always stuck with me.

I said this to you when we were recording probably our fourth or fifth episode. I was like I'm just gonna enjoy every moment, enjoy every conversation, every setup beforehand, every meal afterwards, like when we did the one year anniversary. That was, my thing is that we all go out for food afterwards, we chat, we organize, we bring the guests in, we talk with them and we just have a good time. I'm trying to actively enjoy that more because I'm always like what's next? That's my personality, what's next, what's the end goal? I need to go there like why am I not here? And it's like, maybe you're not here because the guy you're comparing yourself to is 43 and you're exactly half his age. So I'm now, I'm trying to enjoy the journey more, as hard as it is, because you do want to get there, because you're like, what if I don't get there?

yeah but I think that's been the most important thing in like overall satisfaction for myself in the last few months.

0:09:53 - Speaker 1

I think that's where happiness comes from as well. Like I was saying about, like before I went on holiday and stuff like that, like I had this real toxic trait, like you could say. What I've done is like incredible. You look at the names and stuff like it's all like all really flashy. It doesn't sit with me enough because I know this podcast has done what it needs to do, like it's. It's completely changed my life and some of the people around me as well, and it's given me this confidence that my voice is enough if the fact that I get to keep doing it is phenomenal.

But when I went away recently and the podcast went to number one whilst I was away, I was made to celebrate. If I was at home, I would have just posted about on social media and probably would have went, and the podcast went to number one whilst I was away. I was made to celebrate. If I was at home, I would have just posted about on social media and probably would have went to bed, got up the next day and just carried on as if it was a normal day. The people I was with made me celebrate.

They made me like I was like well, tonight we're going to kind of like celebrate. I even got a tattoo of like a waffle that's awesome but like the whole group got them and it's like it made me honestly, I've come away from I mean a lot. I think people come away from benedon with a lot worse than what I can give them I've come away with this like validation that it's okay to celebrate.

0:11:10 - Speaker 2

Yeah like the wins and be present.

0:11:12 - Speaker 1

Yeah, it's okay to give yourself on the pat on the back and recognize just how hard you have worked and to like beat your breath, like you said, be present, like relish the moment. Um, because, yeah, years ago, if you said like, oh, one day I'm gonna have a number one podcast, I'll be, like probably not, like that's probably never going to happen, I'll probably throw in the towel because that was the standard, whereas now, like, I just take every episode as it is, every opportunity as it is, and just as long as I've got a smile on my face and I'm not being a dick, it's All the time, yeah, all the time. It's getting very cold in here though.

0:11:46 - Speaker 3

Cut the crap. You talked about patting yourself on the back. I wasn't gonna do this, but kudos to Joe. Joe's in a car crash this morning.

0:11:57 - Speaker 1

Oh, wow, yeah this is how mentally tough Joe is.

0:12:00 - Speaker 2

Joe was in a car crash this morning and I was like mate don't even worry about the filming.

0:12:05 - Speaker 3

He was like no, I'm going to be there, get there early. Same as always, mentally tough, and I just want to say kudos to you, mate.

0:12:11 - Speaker 1

I was going to say that on camera. Thank you very much.

0:12:13 - Speaker 3

Well done, yeah, thank you, cheers 7 am this morning in a car crash.

0:12:18 - Speaker 2

Yeah, it was weird because I was at home talking to tom and I was like, no, I think I'll be all right, but I need this to to not think about that kind of stuff, and actually it really helps me.

Yeah, so you're not concussed or anything like we'll find out afterwards if I look back and I'm like like it wasn't. It wasn't that bad. So I think um tom was like made a stay at home working on my own. I was like no, I, I love this, is like, this is me. I need this. I was looking forward to it.

I'm glad I'm here and it's not staying at home worrying about it, which again comes back to what you said earlier do the things you love, and obviously it wasn't a great start today, but it's been a good end to it so I appreciate that.

0:13:01 - Speaker 3

I hate you. I was literally like you're coming, still like you're coming to film. He's like I'll be there. I was just like you know what fair yeah it's been a waste of time, but it's been.

0:13:11 - Speaker 2

We're going to watch back after the show. He's going to be like did I ask you questions? I don't know, it's just, the whole thing's a waste of time. He's going to be like did I ask you questions, even speak the whole time?

0:13:24 - Speaker 3

yeah, you were just vegetable I was zoned out in one podcast we did I won't go on too much with elliot a wink, so I had like really bad news before I went in. Yeah, and I remember the camera cuts me when we were editing it afterwards and I was just sitting there like have you ever?

0:13:39 - Speaker 1

had. Joe was just like nudging me. I'm sorry have you ever had like a bad guess where it has been a struggle?

0:13:45 - Speaker 3

I've had a couple of bad guesses. This is before. Joe, we're very fortunate it was so nice for them to come on, but it just like they thought it was like an interview type thing where they were like, okay, ask me the question now. And I was like it's not how a podcast works, yeah, yeah.

0:14:06 - Speaker 2

The beauty about having someone like you on as well, because you have one. You know how those sort of the podcast works and the back and forth conversation and I unlike I like to have a sort of more free-flowing conversation. Whereas tom loves his analytics, he loves the data, so that's why we sort of bounce each other off quite well. So there have been a few occasions where you're really fighting to get information from someone drawing blood from a stone. Yeah, it's hard. What about? What about you?

0:14:27 - Speaker 1

oh, I've had loads there's some episodes that will never see the light of day. Really, there was one in particular that I and I'm really sad about it because she has a very, very famous song, probably one of the most famous dance tracks okay, in my opinion right and um, so you might show it showing me love, okay, robin S.

Yeah, there's a bit of a backstory, because when my mom was in the coma obviously I mentioned at the start like she's like a big 90s music fan, so we were playing the music while she was in the coma and that song was almost like on repeat. Um, it wasn't on repeat. There were other songs. Yeah, an absolute torture for anyone. No wonder she didn't wake up um, I'm not joking.

0:15:06 - Speaker 3

I can't say that, it's my experience.

0:15:09 - Speaker 1

You got there um, and basically, yeah, I've reached out and like, yeah, I would love to, and then, I think it was about a day before the recording, I got sent a list of questions and they were the only questions that I was allowed to ask and it's the only person that I've ever gone back to and said, like I really appreciate this, but this isn't how this works. But, thank you for the time and unfortunately I'm gonna have to say no at this point.

0:15:35 - Speaker 2

That's lovely, that, despite how desperate you would have been to have her on yeah, you were not willing to sacrifice to the credentials you'd given yourself and ultimately you're authentic.

0:15:44 - Speaker 1

No, it has to. Has to, has to be authentic. Yeah, and I think it's rule number one with anyone. And advice. You guys will all know this is like if you are starting a podcast, like people are going to be listening for the guests, but the main reason they'll be listening is because they relate to you. Yeah, you know, they kind of buy into you. Yeah, um, and if you're not being like yourself or you'll get found out as well.

Yeah, you get found out, there's only so many times that you can kind of show up as that person before the mask is going to slip. So true, why bother?

0:16:15 - Speaker 2

just be yourself from the get-go absolutely spot on. You mentioned mum that I wanted to ask you how her journey's been since then and how you've coped with that yeah, it's been.

0:16:24 - Speaker 1

It's been a tough one, like it's. There's still days like it really kind of like rips me to shreds and I get like these real waves of sadness. Like this weekend I was away, like in exeter and then went to bristol, and it's always when I'm in the like these moments, like these beautiful places, that I get this wave of sadness of like my mom's never going to be able to do this and it really hurts. But I have to kind of take the positive from the situation, because it it nearly destroyed me. It got to a stage where I was questioning everything of like I don't think I want to be here anymore because I was that that much of a rock bottom, um, but she's okay, that's the main thing. Like she's well looked after, she's got her sense of humor, her personality, like her body is very limited in terms of what she can.

She's still there, but she's still here yeah like she's still got that sharp witty kind of personality and I wouldn't change it for the world. That's awesome, it's. It's odd because I feel like we're kind of grieving for someone who isn't dead, or like we're grieving for a life that she could have had, but at the same time it's also created a beautiful one yeah because my relationship with my mom is 10 times better now than what it ever was before your appreciation for things just changes, yeah and my ability to kind of like dust off the little kind of annoyances and the minor inconveniences are next to now, because in the grand scheme of things I'd absolutely butchered that.

But it doesn't matter yeah, it doesn't matter.

See, it doesn't matter because laugh it off and just we just carry on. Yeah, because, yeah, I'm a big believer in and I say it quite a lot it's come a bit of a tagline, but that woman has taught me so much, but she's taught me that the only thing I can't do is give up, and everything now is just cherry on top. Because my mom can see it. She got to one of my live shows and I crumbled like the first face I saw when I walked out on stage was hers and I just went oh no, um, but lovely.

She saw it. Yeah, she saw the impact and I hope you know one day when it it's inevitably all going to come to an end. But the Legacy, I think that she is going to leave and the podcast is going to leave. I think it's quite a powerful one, absolutely that's. That's what's important to me, not Ed Sheeran. That's what's important to me, not Ed Sheeran absolutely spot on, mate.

0:18:46 - Speaker 2

Well said, amazing, well said. Thank you so much for coming on it's been a pleasure.

0:18:50 - Speaker 1

Thank you for having me. Thank you for coming mate.