#20 | Part 3 Jamie Clements - Final Steps On The Journey to Self-Acceptance and Harmony + A Breathwork Exercise (INSANE)

0:00:00 - Speaker 1

Previously in part two, it's been a pull rather than a push, like I've been on the path.

Doing this, you lose any sense of being on the path at all In the micro.

So the day-to-day, that's where you're making the decisions.

So, making the decision to come here, making the decision to wake up to do this, to do that, my life, and I would never want to downplay the role that those things can play, but not at the expense of understanding natural ways to address your nervous system, your breath, your body, nutrition, your health, all of this stuff that we just ignore and we wonder why we're struggling and we wonder why we don't have better solutions, and so I do think that it's quite a big sort of punchy piece of this puzzle is actually people are waking up, not in a like a conspiracy theory way, although that is happening too, but they are waking up to the, to independent thinking. I think is the big thing, and the breath is so it's the front line, often with that, like I, I've introduced people to breath, work, then they get into cold showers, then they get into exercise, then they get into psychedelics, then they get into, you know, x, y and z and then they're talking about chemtrails and it's like all these things that start with something so simple.

I think that's at the core of this is a lot of people waking up to that fact and also people just looking for support in a very kind of day-to-day practical level as well.

0:01:27 - Speaker 3

Okay, you said. This must have been about two episodes ago when you or? No, sorry, this is episode 14 where you were saying, um, antidepressants have their place, but you know you need to look at other things as well, not just heavily relying on this, and we journalized this on the first episode as well. That we did and we say it's a lot is. I've taken beta blockers before.

Um, I found like the greatest thing I did, although they were needed at the time, was little things. So my cold showers, well, ice baths with lumi. I literally do that pretty religiously now, but I was doing it every day at one point, probably doing it three times a week at the moment. Uh, having a routine sleeping better, I was leaving my phone outside my room, electronics outside my room. I know it sounds such a minor thing, but that helped me massively. Uh, a little lumi lamp I'm not sure if you heard a lumi, but like, wake up to a natural light and that type of thing rather than just going straight on your phone. I still do that now.

Um, and then the biggest one was you know we talked about this all the time is just putting your phone down and just going outside, and I think just, I used to struggle being present in my own head. I had so many things going on I almost didn't want to be in my own head, but putting my foot, my phone was a distraction. So just putting that down, going outside for a walk, whether it's 10, 15 minutes, clearing your head, being present, for me those were like the five things which I don't want. Antidepressants, everything they have their place completely. I'm not saying they don't, but for me that was like the five things which I still do to this day, which was just transformed me and I just went as soon as I started doing it. But I feel like that's what worked for me. And on your end is the breath work side. What advice would you give to people who might not even know where to start?

0:03:15 - Speaker 1

Curiosity and I say almost examining what labels you've slapped on yourself, because I do think, like those, those small changes that you've touched on there are. I do think, like those those small changes that you've touched on there are, the key here is actually the consistency, and the consistency there comes through a willingness, consciously or otherwise, for identity level change and james clear talks about this a lot in atomic habits, which is, um, if you, let's say we're having a conversation, you're like I, uh, I'm not someone who meditates, I'm not a meditator. That's something I hear a lot like I'm not a meditator. You're saying that that is who you are as a person, not I don't meditate at the moment, or I've tried it and I didn't like it. So I'm not a meditator, or I'm not someone who exercises, I'm not a runner. I still tell myself I'm not a meditator, or I'm not someone who exercises, I'm not a runner.

I still tell myself I'm not a runner baby sprinter, but if you're telling yourself that it's going to be incredibly hard to change, yeah so it's actually being willing to go.

I'm me and everything you know. All these things that make up my identity are labels, they're're stickers, they're bolt-ons that can be changed, that can be taken away, that can be added on, like those little little gems that you put on your Crocs Shout out Crocs, still plugging away for a brand deal. But with that, in terms of where to start is actually looking at those labels and going okay, where am I? What are the limitations of my labels? What am I telling myself that I am not? That is blocking me from becoming who I want to be. Because, for as long as you're telling yourself that I am anxious, I'm an anxious person. I don't do this, I don't do that, I'm not someone who does this. You'll stay that way and that's like you know, hate people who are like that's a hard truth. It's a hard truth to accept sometimes to be like oh yeah, I do.

You know, what role are you playing in your own suffering? It's probably the question I'd ask, like what's my responsibility here? Because we all have circumstances outside of our control that will be, will be affecting us, and I wouldn't ever want to downplay that for people. But also, you also have things that you can control, like whether your phone is in your room or not, like whether you check it first thing when you wake up, whether you do spend some time learning about these things and then implementing them. Um, and much easier said than done, because we do have reasons why we don't, why we struggle to put these things in place, but them and much easier said than done, because we do have reasons why we don't, why we struggle to put these things in place.

But, from a breathwork perspective, the awareness and we were speaking about this earlier, joe like how, how we can be so unaware of our breath that's the biggest thing for most people is actually, you know, listening to me drone on for a couple of hours and then they go. Okay, I can acknowledge intellectually that the breath is important. So that's then a box, pandora's box is open because they they might forget it, but it'll always be in there somewhere. So the next time that they're, let's say, having a panic attack, they'll go oh, what did that bloke say about breathing? And that, to me, is a change for someone who's they've gone from having a panic attack and not having a clue what to do to having a panic attack and maybe still not knowing what to do, but thinking about what their breath's doing yeah that's a positive change.

That then turns into the next time they have a panic attack. After they've gone back and listened to this episode, they think about I've got that one tool, and the next time.

0:06:45 - Speaker 2

And that's where the change comes in with jamie's storytime voice in their head exactly my scouts accent, just ticking away, it reminded me of elliot's episode with the fix versus the growth mindset as well, when he spoke about I can't speak french yet. Yeah, I'm rubbish at languages. No, you're not, you just. You've got to learn a different way. You've got to find something that suits you better.

0:07:04 - Speaker 1

And that really reminded me of that 100 and there's such a big difference because it's you know, or there's such an important difference between growth mindset and toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is putting your blindfold on and pretending the bad stuff isn't there and you're like oh, everything's amazing and everything. There's a dumpster fire behind you like but actually growth mindset is exactly that.

It's about saying you know, there's a and this is I guess there's a caveat to this as well. It's like I can't speak french yet, I don't do breathwork yet, I'm not a runner yet, um. But importantly, I think, checking in with why you want to be a runner, why you want to speak french, are you shaming yourself into trying to be better instead of accepting yourself where you're at, meeting yourself where you're at um. It's this whole idea of kind of you can never shame yourself into transformation and growth, because any you can actually shame yourself into growth, but it's not real growth. It's just beating yourself with a stick and kind of moving yourself forward begrudgingly.

Is it coming from a place of love or is it coming from a place of shame, like anything that we want to improve or heal or move kind of away from in terms of negative patterns? It needs to be from a place of kind of self-acceptance and love, and often when we talk about acceptance, people think of complacency. You know stagnation. I'm accepting things, I'm just staying, staying still not at all. You can be moving forward, you can be growing, you can be improving from that place of love and acceptance, whilst also like holding firm in who you are. Um, because, coming back to that idea of the crocs, shout out crocs. It's all plugging in. It's plugging things in and pulling things out, um, and I think that's a really, a really important thing to hold on to.

0:08:55 - Speaker 3

Um yeah, on the breathwork, uh standpoint people listening to us watching it right now. If you could give them one quick snippet of that they can go and take away like one thing they can look up, which they can start in their own home, or they could start in the car listening to this, what would that one?

0:09:14 - Speaker 2

be not breathing.

0:09:15 - Speaker 3

Don't close your eyes please, please, don't operate heavy machinery um it's a good question.

0:09:25 - Speaker 1

It's kind of like picking a favorite child. Often it's all good, but I think my work, I often find myself I have to be very good at generalizing and tailoring right. I have to be able to say for most people what is the best advice, and then also on an individual level, what's the best advice? I'd say, the thing that I talk about the most in terms of the broadest piece of advice I can give um would be when you catch yourself feeling off, because we're all quite good at that, you know I'm not feeling myself, I don't feel great, even if you can't quite put a label on what that not great is. Um.

Next question how am I breathing? So I'm feeling anxious, how am I breathing? And you just start checking in with it. You just build that awareness, that awareness, that awareness of what is the breath doing in any given moment, and then from there we can start to create positive change. So that would be the first is actually going OK, check in with your breath more often than you are right now, and for most of us that's going from zero to one, not from, you know, naught to a hundred. Um, then it's about I'd probably say that, the exercise that I give out the most is probably extended exhale, breathing um, underpinned very simply by a piece of physiology where, if we make our exhale longer than our inhale, heart rate slows down, nervous system relaxes, everything becomes more calm.

So, you know, even five rounds of that where you're making a nice slow extended exhale is going to be beneficial, just to take the edge off stress, the edge of anxiety and the reason that that one comes up a lot. Yes, because a lot of people are struggling with anxiety, but also because a lot of people just struggle to rest. Even if you're sat kind of in the evening watching TV or in between meetings after work, most of us aren't really resting.

0:11:19 - Speaker 2

You know, we're?

0:11:20 - Speaker 1

what do they say? It's like you're checking the small screen while you tap, tap away on the medium screen while you watch something on the big screen. You know we're constantly. You know Russell russell brand, I think once said another person who's been a bit cancelled um, it feels like society has jump leads on my consciousness like constantly stimulation, it's wants, its desires, its needs, it's buy this, sell that, you know, be this, be that, and so that's where we really struggle. Is this like constant sense of overstimulation? And I often view that breath in particular as the antidote to that. It's the, the balancing of the scales in a world that is so overwhelming and overstimulating and anxiety inducing in its very nature that can take the edge off and it's a very, very simple, kind of practical tool that reminds me, because I'm I'm very much the kind of person who can't switch off.

0:12:11 - Speaker 2

So if I'm coming to you as a practitioner I'm saying I can't switch off. What kind of things am I looking out for? When you say check in, what is it you're sort of looking out for?

0:12:19 - Speaker 1

It's a great question and probably going to end up being quite a roundabout answer. The first step to actually being able to check in is about being able to sit.

0:12:33 - Speaker 3

Still sounds very very simple but very, very challenging for a lot of people, myself included. Keep moving my legs this whole, this whole time yeah, I think it's just.

0:12:39 - Speaker 1

You know, how often now do you sit and just allow yourself to do like, actually do nothing? I know, I don't really, maybe when I'm meditating, but like allowing yourself to be bored, allowing your mind to wander, all of these little things that have gone out of fashion. Essentially, um, that's the first bit is actually being able to sit long enough to observe. And then it's about, usually, you know, speaking, close the eyes and notice the sensations in the body. It might be, you know, a tingle, it might be a bit of tension, it might be your heartbeat, it might be a whole number of things.

But we underestimate how much we can feel physically and emotionally a lot of the time when we do stop, when we do pause, and that's why, you know, I see so many people and I see it in myself a lot where, if I'm go, go, go, and there's been shit happening in the background, I'll get home, I'll sit still and I feel all the feelings, like I was like, oh, didn't even realize that had affected me so much, and then it will start coming up, um, so that would be kind of what I'd aim for. The breath can be a great window into that as well. So it's like the speed of the breath is it belly, is it chest, is it nose, is it mouth, is it fast, is it slow? Just actually observing the breath as a bit of a window into what your current state is. So if you're breathing really shallow, really fast through the mouth, then we're in that stress state.

We're kind of perpetuating that tension, that, that that fight flight response, um, but the stillness is the first piece, always like actually getting someone. I always say in my sessions in the first five minutes I just get people to sit in silence and sit still and I go yeah, I know this is the worst part of the session, guys, I'm really sorry because none of us do it. It's not very natural for most of us anymore. Um, and I do really emphasize in my own life and kind of outwardly as well, like how much good that would do us if we can just sit and be bored and be, be quiet, um, and just go inwards a little bit that's something i'm'm going to try to do more, because I literally do the opposite.

0:14:50 - Speaker 3

As soon as I feel myself getting bored, I'm like right, Clash of Clans, straight on Clash of Clans. Well, this is it right?

0:14:56 - Speaker 1

I think it's. The odds are stacked against us. Clash of Clans, madden, nfl 24. That's my vice at the moment. I did it the other day. I catch myself in it like I'll go and sit on the sofa and I'll be like I've not read my book for a while, like I want to read my book, um.

And then I see the playstation and I'm like, yeah, but that's well and it's the, it's the ease of the, ease of gratification, the instant nature of the gratification. Um, even though and this is where we can get ourselves into a bit of trouble because it's that then it's that cognitive dissonance, because I know what would be better for me and I'm choosing the thing that's not the best option for me, and then I can. I can start to get a bit niggly with myself and go are you idiot? Why did you do that again? Um, so, giving yourself a bit compassion and space for that, but also the.

The tricky thing about understanding the nervous system, or living in a nervous system often, is that if your nervous system is tuned to chaos and movement and perpetual motion, it craves that it's addictive.

Stress is addictive because just think about what we've talked about if you're used to that kind of stress and then you try and sit still, the stillness is uncomfortable, it's boring, it's bringing stuff up that I want to ignore. So I, you, then go back into it, which is why ice baths are a very interesting conversation, because I'm a big advocate, but I'm also very aware of the fact that they're a stressor and that for a lot of people you know type a go go, go, go go personality. They're like oh, I love my ice bath for a bit of doubt, a bit of quiet time. I'm like you're just pouring fuel on the dumpster fire, like there's. You're just putting stress on the stress that's already there. There's a time and a place for it. There's a huge amount of benefit. But actually if you're someone who is highly strong, highly anxious, highly anxious, highly stressed it, it might not, could be, but in my kind of personal and professional opinion, unlikely to best be the best tool for someone who's in that state a lot of the time.

0:16:57 - Speaker 3

Interesting the one episode we don't talk about is one I can't believe we haven't covered it because we're coming to the end of the episode now.

Um, I cannot believe we didn't see what we were talking about every single one but I wanted to end it on this is I know you're going to take us through a quick two minute breath work afterwards. We did a breath work uh sort of exercise with jamie before and, honestly, joe and I forgot we were in the room. So it's absolutely amazing. We hope you guys can join in on this as well and find value in it. But I wanted to ask this last question before we get on to that. If there's one piece of advice that you've taken from any point in your life which you'd love to share with everyone the best piece of advice what would it be?

0:17:46 - Speaker 1

can I do two of one's really simple and just related to um, what we just talked about, which is just slow down. Everyone, everyone should slow down. And that where, where are you trying to get to? Like I'm saying this to myself as well in this moment like, where, where are you trying to get to? What's the hurry? Um, because we're so quick to be drawn out of presence by where we think we should be, and you're so focused on where you wanna be in six months that you forget to be here now, and that's a shame, it's a real shame.

And then the second is about what we talked about, I guess, in terms of the deeper healing modalities, which is about these parts of ourselves that we have rejected and pushed away and denied ourselves of because we don't, we think they're bad, we think that they're. You know not, that's not, that's not me. You know I'm not this, I'm not that, I'm not arrogant, I'm not loud. Anything that you judge in somebody else is a reflection of a part of yourself that you're not comfortable with or that you're unwilling to accept. Um, and so this isn't about accepting, you know, anything other than the fact that you are whole, that you're holistic, that you are equally, you know, perfect and imperfect. You're perfect in your imperfection.

Um, in the fact that we are all messy, we're all unique, we all have light, dark and everything in between. It's just that we've been told that we shouldn't be that somewhere along the line we all started convincing each other that humans were supposed to be perfect, when actually we're all gross and like, dirty and horrible at times and we're all fucking amazing at other times. So the only way to feel comfortable and safe and secure in yourself is to you don't have to, you know, let these parts run riot, but accept yourself as all of those things, because you just end up hating yourself for the parts of yourself that you think shouldn't be there, when in actual fact they're always going to be there. Um, it's just about that understanding of yourself and the integration of all of those parts so that you can come back to that, that whole sense of self amazing man.

0:19:59 - Speaker 3

That's wicked. I can't wait to do this. Uh, next section of breath work. We'll, we'll do what do you think's best for you know? A quick two minute one so everyone can understand what it is definitely want to do?

0:20:12 - Speaker 1

yeah, definitely want to do that extended exhale breath. Um, I think if we just go through, we'll keep it short and sharp. We'll do a little check-in, because we spoke a lot about that and I want people to actually feel what that stillness, that kind of frustrating stillness, is like, um, and then we'll go through two exercises. We'll do a, something called a physiological sigh and then we'll do an extended exhale breath and that should take us to about two minutes and amazing, see where we can't wait, and I guess, just to as well. Like I'm very guilty at times of not explaining because, because it's all in my head not explaining exactly what we're doing and why. So both of these exercises are about calming the nervous system, so if people feel like they need that, which I know a lot of people do then this is the place to head. So I'm just going to ask everybody to sit comfortably, if that's available for you, close your eyes as long as you're not driving and just take a moment here to find a bit of stillness and really just notice here how it feels to be still. Might be resistance, there might be discomfort, resistance, there might be discomfort, the mind might want to wander a little bit. Whatever's going on, just notice that experience of stillness and you might also start to notice sensations in the body. You might start to notice tension, maybe your heartbeat, maybe your breath. Just checking in, shifting your attention inwards for a moment here, and we're just going to take three rounds of this physiological sigh.

This is going to be a deep inhale through the nose, a second, smaller inhale to top it up and then a soft sigh out of the mouth. So we'll take those three together Take that first deep breath in, top it up and exhale Two more deeply. In topping it up, letting it go One more deeply, in topping it up and letting it go, let the breath come back to center, keep the eyes closed, notice if you're holding any tension through the face, through the jaw, through the cheeks, the shoulders. And we're now just gonna take five rounds of of an extended exhale breath. This will be a deep, slow breath in through the nose and then blowing the exhale slowly out of the mouth like you're blowing through a small straw. So we'll take these five together, taking that first slow breath in and blowing that exhale out.

Good again. Take that breath in and blowing that exhale out. Good Again, take that breath in and exhale Three more like that in your own time, deeply in through the nose, nice and gently, and then slowly extending that exhale out. Last two here, deeply, slowly in and gently back out, allowing that exhale to act as that brake pedal, taking you deep into that state of calm. As we take one more cycle of that breath, allow the breath here to come back to its natural rhythm. Keep the eyes closed and just take another check in here. Notice any shifts, any changes in your state, your physical state, your mental state, your emotional state, and we'll just take one more clearing breath this time, just a deeper inhale through the nose, big sigh out of the mouth.

0:24:52 - Speaker 3

And then, when you're ready in your own time, just gently blinking open the eyes. So good, that's amazing. Again, jeez, I don't even know what to say. That's awesome, jamie.

0:25:03 - Speaker 2

Thank you so much for coming on man, thank you so much, guys, again, the best thing that ever happened. Thank you so much. Thank you Again, the best thing that ever happened.

0:25:08 - Speaker 3

Thank you so much, thank you, thank you guys.