Session 10: Helping Others in Their Pain

In this session, we continue our talk on suffering well, but this time we discuss on how we can help others through their pain. Below are a few way to support others through their grief. 

 1.     Know your Limits

·      Realize you are in danger of being pulled under someone else’s pain

·      If you don’t understand where a person is and where they’re coming from, you can further complicate or delay their healing. 

·      Be sure their pain and suffering doesn’t lead you into secondary trauma. 

2.     Gain Biblical Understanding

·      At the appropriate time, the scriptures can serve as a powerful way to give someone hope. 

·      Pray the scriptures over people in hard times. 

3.     Commit to being very Cautious Remember that an individual is completely overwhelmed when they are first going through a negative experience. Ask Clarifying Questions. Suggested Questions to ask are:

• How have you been grieving?
• What have you been doing to cope with this? 
• How have you been coping with this?
• What can I do to lighten your load?
• What I can do for you right now to help you? What Else?
• How can I serve you in this time? What Else?

4.     Be a conduit for the calming grace of God  

• Words need to be very few
• Be there as a presence for the Holy Spirit to come in and do his work.

5.     Imitate the love and grace of God

• Remember that grace qualifies and characterizes our response. Pray that no words come out of your mouth that don't represent or minister grace.

6.     Accept their words 

• Be ok with letting them say with what they need to say instead of feeling the need to correct their thoughts.
• Don’t Fix it.

7.     Affirm their dignity and value  

• There is a time and season for every word and every concept you want to develop with an individual.  
• Always affirms one’s pain before you guide them out of it. 

 An additional idea is to Text, Send an Audio and/or Video of you praying to others. Why?

o   It holds you accountable
 Too often we say we’ll pray for them and we simply forget. Texting, sending an audio or video of us praying for them keeps us honest and helps us to do it immediately. 

o   There’s Power in Prayer AND power in your Words
Prayer has the power to change things. So do your words. Prayer is a perfect opportunity to speak life into people with the word of God along with a word of personal encouragement from you. 

o   Praying WITH someone vs. Praying FOR someone. 
It’s great to pray for people (and we should continue that). Praying with people is more personal. Texting or Recording a prayer request is a great effective way of letting people know you are thinking of them and stand with them in their trials and tribulations. 

FOLLOW UP! This is by far the most important step. It’s great to do all the other things, but people will value and remember your consistency the most. Put it down in your calendar once a week to check on them (phone call, text, email etc.). Anytime that person or couple comes to mind, use that as a cue to just reach out and say, “I’m thinking of you. How are you?” Or, “You just came to mind, and I wanted you to know so I’m checking on you. How you been?” Those small things go a long way in how you can serve and be present with others. 

We hope you found this helpful. We look forward to having you join us on the next one!