Embracing Life's Final Moments with Author & Nurse Hadley Vlahos

I went accidentally viral on TikTok and just started answering questions in the comments. People were just saying you know what do you do? I want to hear your stories. And I was not used to anyone wanting to talk about death. I was used to people being like oh, please don't talk about that. So I just started sharing stories and I was very shocked that people wanted to hear them and I felt like my path opened up to fulfill that dream of being an author.

Welcome to the Moms who Create podcast. I'm your host, kelly Hile, and I am thrilled to share a podcast that celebrates the incredible moms who are pursuing their creative passions. Are you a mom who feels like you just can't balance your creative pursuits with the demands of motherhood? Each week, I'm bringing you interviews with accomplished and talented moms who have made their creative dreams a reality. I talk to writers, artists, musicians and entrepreneurs who have successfully found a way to do what they love while raising the ones they love. Some of the writers I talk to are New York Times bestselling authors, while some are self-published first-time authors. I also share my own insights and resources to help you navigate the unique challenges of being a mom who creates. So, whether you're an early bird or a night owl, a seasoned pro or just starting out, I want you to know that you can pursue your creative passions and be an amazing mom at the same time. Grab a cup of coffee, a notebook and get ready to join our community of like-minded moms who are on a mission to live intentionally and create with purpose. This is the Moms who Create podcast, and I can't wait to share this journey with you. Hi everyone, and welcome back to this week's episode of the Moms who Create podcast. Today I am talking with the absolutely fascinating nurse, hadley Vlahos. She's a mom who shared her journey and wrote a hopeful memoir on how caring for others can transform a life. Her book is called the In-Between Unforgettable Encounters During Lives of Final Moments. It offers wisdom and comfort for those dealing with loss and provides inspiration on how to live now. When Hadley ended up finding her calling in hospice care at 24, she was most surprised to learn that her patients were actually teaching her how to live. Hadley's a natural storyteller. She was actually so inspired to educate others about hospice care and share stories and wisdom from her patients that she started sharing videos on social media, where she has over one and a half million followers on TikTok. It's one of those things that most people just don't talk about, so it's so interesting to learn about and know that it's not taboo, it's not scary. It's going to be a great conversation. Enjoy today's episode. Hadley, thank you for joining me today when I was talking to your publicist about your book and then she was like showed me all your social media and I was like, holy cow, through your nursing, through your working at hospice care and everything, you have gained a following of people who are just genuinely curious about that world that doesn't get really talked about as much as it should. It seems very mysterious everything that happens, and it kind of is really mysterious in a way too. So when I got to read your book, I was like this again, things that don't get talked about. These are amazing stories, so I'm excited to talk to you today about it all and how you do it all as a mother too and your story. So thank you for joining me.

Thank you so much for having me.

Just for people who don't know you, can you go ahead and introduce yourself to everyone?

Yes, I'm Hadley Lawhose. I am a registered nurse. I'm across all social media platforms as a nurse Hadley, and I'm also the author of the in between, and I am currently the nonprofit founder of Hadley House, which I am trying to get up and running.

Oh, that's awesome. I did see something online about you doing that so incredible. You're just like using your platform for good and I like to see that direction. That's amazing. Take us through your journey that led you from being a young mom to kind of where you are now. I know that's like a big thing, but you can just give us an overview of that, because you are an author now, but you weren't always an author, you weren't always a nurse and I know life is thrown different things at you. So, before we talk about your book, kind of give us your story of everything.

Yeah. So I went into college, at University of Florida, state University, wanting to be a writer, and at 19, the summer between freshman and sophomore year, I ended up pregnant and decided to keep my son, and so I moved back home and said I don't think writing is going to cut it. I need to find a career that is going to get me working and as little amount of time that will be stable and provide a good income for us. So nursing fit the bill very much, so still does I very supportive of mom's going into nursing. There's so many different options you can choose from, of different things that you can do, and it pays pretty well. So I went to nursing school and a couple years later I became a registered nurse, and after a year of working a couple different jobs, I worked in a hospital, I worked in immediate care, I met my husband while working in a nursing home, and I was single mom up until that point. And then, when I was working in that nursing home, that is when I was exposed to hospice patients for the first time and I was very intrigued by these hospice nurses that would come in and sit one on one with the patient and not have anything to do except whatever this patient needed, and I just love that. And I was like this is what I need to be a part of was over six years ago and I have not looked back since. And then three years ago today so also three years ago into me, three years, three years into me being a hospice nurse I went randomly viral and accidentally viral on tick tock and just started answering questions on the comments. People are just saying you know what do you do? I want to hear your stories. And I was not used to anyone wanting to talk about death. I was used to people being like oh, please, don't talk about that. So I just started sharing stories and I was very shocked that people wanted to hear them and I felt like my path opened up to getting to fulfill that dream of being an author. I think that everything happened exactly how it was supposed to and I think that if I would have originally been an author, I wouldn't have succeeded. I needed these experiences to be the author I am today.

Tell us about your book for those that are interested in want to grab it, because it's amazing, it's amazing, it's incredible. Like I said, I had all the emotions and I was like crying at some parts. It's so interesting, so I'll let you you tell us about it.

Thank you. So I'm a hospice registered nurse we haven't gotten that yet and my book is 12 chapters and 12 patient stories. So you can pick up one chapter, read it and get the entire patient story, or you can read it cover to cover and you will see me go from a brand new hospice nurse who did not believe in an afterlife, who was very lost and confused in life, to a couple years later taking care of people, feeling very confident in what I was doing, changing my beliefs and believing in afterlife and really finding purpose and passion in life.

Yeah, it's kind of like a collection of short stories, you could say, all the same kind of thing, just different, different patients, and, oh man, I think it was like towards the beginning, I think I marked some things down. You went from thinking these people are just crazy and hallucinating to like medically realizing that there's no reason that they should be hallucinating. There's no reason that they should be crazy and maybe they are really seeing their relatives that have passed away and this is something that actually happens and it's not just end to life hallucinations. And the more you do it and the more you go through it and you see the same things every time. I don't know if I said this before we started recording or after, but people from all walks of life and all beliefs were kind of having that same experience. At the end. I don't want to give away the book, but I don't know, it's funny, talk about it, yeah they are everyone does.

It doesn't matter if they believe in nothing, if they're, whatever religion it is. However they're raised, whatever their economic status is, they all have the same experiences.

Tell us how writing the book, diving into your career kind of the obstacles, or just how you overall had to overcome that motherhood, work life balance, and then how you learned that it was okay to ask for help and maybe something that you would tell a mom listening that might be in a position like that, or a single mom that is trying to strive for that balance but you don't want to ask for help and you want to do it all on your own, even if you're a single mom or everything.

Yeah, I definitely think it's a learning process and, of course, as a single mom, a lot of times your only choice is to kind of survive. And I was in survival mode for many years where I would have my son in my lap and I'd be like, instead of reading Brown Bear, brown Bear, what do you say? I would be reading my textbook out to him and I say it in my book. One of the first people who really helped me even though I would never ask for help was my nursing instructor, ms Lopez, who saw that I was really, really struggling and she was really concerned because my practice test scores were not going to have me stay in the program if I took the test that was coming up like that day. And she called me to her desk and said you know what's going on. And I said I used to be able to study with son and now he's TVing and I can't get any studying done at all. And she didn't give me an option. She didn't just say, like well, I can help if you want it. Like let me know how you need me. She said you be at my office on Saturday at 10am, like it was not an option, and I said okay and I showed up and she took my son and said sit down and study Whenever you have questions. I'm right here, we'll be playing Like it's just not amazing woman. I know and you know she's yeah, she's amazing. And I passed the test and I was able to stay in the program and that was meant because it was just a really hard subject for me to understand and I was, of course, able to pass nursing school. But I've learned along the way that, like it's okay to have those people help you. And now I've also learned, even when people are grieving, to try to do that where, instead of saying like, oh, let me know if you need anything, and then most people will not say anything to just be like. For example, we have people who are grieving and I texted and said I'm dropping dinner by this week, Would you prefer Wednesday or Thursday? And you just you tell them exactly what you're doing and you give them a few options, but you don't just leave it open ended where they're like well, what does that mean? Does it mean you're willing to come clean my car or you're gonna talk on the phone? You know you're like, I don't know what level it is. So whenever you say like, specifically, this is how I can help, I think it's so much more helpful. So I try to do that too.

Oh, that's smart. It has a new mom. If you go back to being a new mom, like what do you? I need everything and you wanna come over at 3 am and watch my baby leave. But I feel like, as a mom, I would feel so much better if someone, instead of asking they, were specific about it. Hey, kelly, I'm gonna drop by dinner, you know Monday or Tuesday, which one? Yeah, I think it's super nice.

Yeah, that's a really nice Hadley. Oh, good thought. And another thing we do now is we have weekly date nights. We have a night that we do it, and getting away and getting a moment can be so helpful. And another thing I do that I've shared on social media that a lot of moms seem to like, since both my husband and I work in medicine three kids and you know how it is we have it's almost like a chore chart on the fridge, but it has like everything that would need to be clean for the week. It's laminated so it's like erasable and it would be things like clean the counters, two loads of laundry, just change the sheets, clean the toilet, whatever needs to be done weekly. And my husband and I both have an understanding that we want it checked off by Friday so we can enjoy the weekend. So whenever we each have five minutes, we're both just checking off. And then I found that it really helps take the mental load off of being like him, having to come to be like what do you need help with. We can just look there and we can be like oh okay, the toilets haven't been cleaned this week, I'll go do that real quick.

And that feeling of making a list and putting a check on there. There's something huge about that feeling of putting a check on a list. Sometimes I'll write down stuff I already did on a list, just so I can check it off and just see it right there.

It's like a brain thing, I don't know. Our 10 year old can check things off the cleaning list as well for computer time. So he's always welcome to play outside with his friends after doing homework. But if it's computer time then he has to check things off the list.

That's excellent. How smart is that? Did you just?

think of these, or yeah?

you just come on, you're amazing.

Wow I love it.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for talking to me, talking about your book, thank you for sharing all of this and even being vulnerable in some situations, and everything that you wrote. It's helping people and it's fulfilling your dream of being a writer too. Are you gonna write any more books? Do you have any plans for more?

I hope so. We're working on the Pro-Huself to the fingers crossed.

Oh nice, that's good. Well, hadley, thank you so much. Say again we're everybody who I feel like maybe the whole world is following you on TikTok, but if there's that one person out there that's not following you on TikTok, tell everybody we're gonna find you online.

There are sadly everywhere all social media. And then my book is called the In-Between Unforgettable Encounters During Life's Final Limits. Thank you so much for listening.

Don't forget to connect with me in the podcast on Instagram, facebook threads. Are we committing to threads? Is this a thing? Let's do it At Kelly Hile, at Moms who Create podcast. I'll be back next week with another amazing mom creator. Thanks so much for listening. I will see you next week. I'll see you next week. I will see you next week. On the topic of mental health, more and more we're seeing children and adolescents struggling with anxiety, low moods and low self-esteem. This is why early education is incredibly important. The sooner we teach our children about mental health and how to communicate their feelings, the sooner we can actually do something about it. This is something that mental health professional and founder of Psych Resources Norgentilata is hoping to achieve. You notice that since the pandemic, anxiety in children was on the rise at a global scale and something needed to be done, and so Psych Resources was born. Since then, psych Resources has created a collection of research-backed activity books designed to help build the skill of emotion regulation, so that children can learn to identify, communicate and manage big feelings. Each and every book is inclusive and interactive, has fun and diverse characters, includes educational activities and is a great way of keeping the kids occupied away from the screens. Did I mention that they're recommended by teachers and parents? You can check out their website, psychresourcescouk, where you can find activity books on managing anxiety, building self-esteem, social skills, empathy and mindfulness, and you can follow them on Instagram, too, at Psych Resources, for weekly content on tips on how you can support your child and help build their self-esteem.