Candy Motzek Shares how to align with who you are | DFS 313

Welcome to Destin for success. I'm your

host, Jennifer Takagi, and today I have my friend candy mozock

with me, and candy and I met in a mastermind group, and then we

played together in Mexico with the same masterminding group of

people. And yeah, we just stick together, candy, thanks for

being on the show

today, for having me. It's been so great. You were

on my show a while ago, and I'm so great to just happy to do the

swap and happy to be talking to your listeners. Ah,

thanks. So we like to talk about success on

this podcast, and sometimes stories are like, what didn't

feel so successful steps taken to be more successful. So you

know, what does success mean or look like to you at this point

in your life?

Yeah, great question. Ah, and now I have to

think about it too. So for me, success is alignment. It is this

thing about being totally aligned with who you are and

that place where you you know as you mature, I'm getting on there

you get closer and closer to allowing yourself to be your

true your true self, that is success. And I think that when

you get there, everything else works, and you get the money,

then you have the abundance, and you have the great

relationships, because you're really allowing yourself to be

true to who you are.

And it's so exhausting trying to be somebody

else or stand out differently. Going to class reunions, I kind

of quit going, but I went to my tenure, and that was fun. I went

to my 15 year and that was very bizarre. And by the time we hit

the 20 year reunion, it was like people were now 38 years old, 39

years old, and they actually had, like, come into their own,

what they wanted to do, who they wanted to be, whereas there was

an aspect prior to that of Keeping Up with the Joneses and

trying to show up in a certain way, and sometimes that

continues long after. But I found, like overall, we kind of

settled in. Did you ever have a a time where you thought, Okay,

I've kind of made it. I'm kind of, I'm kind of happy with where

I am right now.

I have that time off and on, and I've probably

had it for about the last 10 years. It it's sort of funny,

because it ties in with my morning routine. Every morning I

get up, I pour myself a cup of coffee, I walk out the back

door. If it's decent weather, I like to walk barefoot across the

grass to my she shed and then I have my morning meditation and

journaling and tapping and stuff that I do. And it's in that

moment that I really feel like totally aligned. And I think

it's really interesting what you're saying about the high

school reunion thing, and my experience of that is totally

different. I found that I think, after I went to my 15 year, 20

year, I just didn't want to go anymore. I just, it's just not

me, because those people, they may be closer to who they are,

truthfully, but I found they weren't my people. And I was

like, That's No, I just don't want to spend a lot of time with

you. You're not the kind of person I want to hang out with,

because if I did, I wouldn't need to see you at a graduation,

reunion. I would see you all the time, right? So I had the

same thing, and I missed multiple reunions

because I was like, Yeah, I don't need to. The last one I

went to a friend came in from out of town and said, I'm

coming. I'm going to the reunion. You're going with me.

And I was like, I'll go to hang out with you. Literally, there

were hundreds of people there. I'm fairly social and outgoing,

as you know, I bet I didn't talk to 10 people the whole time I

was there, but there were 10 people I really wanted to talk

to,

yeah, and I'm the same way. There's a couple of

people that it's like, oh yeah, people who live away

internationally. But as it goes, the people that live close to

where I grew up. They're just, you know, they're just different

people. They're not my people, you know, not bad people, just

not my people. So that's okay. Well,

let's talk about your morning routine just

a little bit. When I worked for corporate or federal government,

my routine was they. Went off, I hit snooze a few times, just

because I enjoy those few minutes of just I have a few

more minutes. And then I would help out of bed and hit the

ground running. I was in the shower, I was dressed, I was

getting my breakfast together, my lunch together. I was in the

car, I was out the door, and I was super awesome about that.

And I would hear about people taking an hour, hour and a half

to get ready to go to work. And I'm like, I get up at 10 till

seven, and I'm usually out of the door at 737, 40 at the

latest, like, if I had to make a sandwich or something. And I was

like, I was up and out, and I was good with that. And now at

this point in my life, and interacting with a whole lot of

people who are much more I'm going to use the term mindful

and possibly spiritual, they have morning routines, and it's

a deal. Tell me a little bit more. I mean, I love your

morning routine, but how has that made a huge difference in

your life? And have you done it like always.

So I've done it for what feels like 100 years,

but it hasn't been for always. So as you were describing your

corporate morning routine, mine was very similar, except the

difference was that we were on call, 24/7, 365, and so I always

slept with the phone. It was a Blackberry in those days. God,

it was a Blackberry, and I always slept with the phone in

my bedroom, not on my nightstand, but on the dresser

just across the way. So the first thing that I would always

do is just check my phone, because sure shooting somebody

would have decided that we needed to have an urgent team

meeting about this new initiative or some emergency,

but we needed to have that meeting at 7am my time. I live

on the West Coast. Most everybody else that was

important lived on the east coast. So their idea of 7am was

like, well, it's 10am What's your problem? And so that used

to be my morning routine. And lots of things happened. You

know, there's mixed race woman in corporate America, in a

highly male dominated field at a senior level. And so I

experienced it all, racism, sexism, all the isms. And it was

it became intolerable. And so my morning routine, I created that

when I was on leave from burnout. And so that morning

routine saved my life, and that is the that's the reason that I

do it. And now it's like this great. It's one of my favorite

times of the day. I wake up pretty darn early because I love

especially this time of the year, in the spring, we've got,

you know, the sun is up at about 4am and the birds are singing,

and there is nothing like walking out your back door and

seeing the baby ducklings and the different little creatures

and stuff. It's the best thing ever. But my morning routine was

started because I needed it, because I was dying and and it

saved my life and saved my mental life. So it always starts

with a meditation. Doesn't have to be a long meditation, but

always with meditation. And even now, if I miss a day, my husband

will look at me and said, Did you meditate today? Candy?

Because you should.

He does not, right. He does

not meditate at all, which is so funny,

you need to

exactly and then journaling, because while

journaling, you get all those thoughts and emotions that are

in your head out onto a paper. And it's kind of like I always

start my journaling the way I describe it. It's like cleaning

out the junk drawer in your kitchen. Just get all that crap

out of the junk drawer of your head, and then I can decide how

I want to think about things. I look at what my goals are, what

my dreams are, what I'm thankful for. And so the journaling is

just an integral thing. And I know that we're audio, but if

somebody was seeing video, you would see a small stack of

journals behind me here, and that's, yeah, that's about a

year's worth, so there's a lot of them. And then EFT tapping,

because it's just a great way of calming your nervous system. And

as soon as your nervous system is calm and you can have better

thoughts. You can plan how you want your day to be, and you can

feel more like yourself. You know, there's that full circle,

right? Come back to being yourself. So, yeah, that's the

that's the morning routine. Sometimes I do slightly

different things, like, currently, I love Marianne

Williamson, and so I'm one of her substack. Um. Um

subscribers, and I listened to her little two minute morning

meditation. It's always very interesting, based on a course

in miracles. And then I always read a comment on her sub stack,

because I think if I can think of something good to say, maybe

it helps somebody else's day get better too.

So much in all of that. So I want to go back

just a tiny bit to your BlackBerry story. There could be

listeners who don't know what a Blackberry was. Oh, my God, it's

before smartphones, but it was like the smartest thing out

there. Oh yeah, and go ahead.

No, I'm good. I was just gonna say the thing is

that it was the smartest thing out there. And I know that the

new trend is there's a lot of people who have gotten rid of

their smartphones and have gone back to the old analog flip

phone because they don't want all that connectivity. It's

pretty cool.

Well, I have a girlfriend. She's like, I have

no social media on my phone. And I was like, okay, but on that

BlackBerry note, a hard lesson for me to learn, just as a

person, not even as an executive or upcoming career, just in

general, was that change is inevitable, and the older we

get. I'm seeing how less pliable, malleable and flexible

people get with age at change, like I want the good old days.

Was it really that good? No, it really wasn't like, let's be

here, but the BlackBerry was the greatest thing going and

everybody thought BlackBerry was going to be here forever, like

they it. That was the thing. That was the technology. It was

amazing. They refused, I can't even talk today. We've had this

problem earlier. They refused to change and modernize, exactly.

And now we have an entire generation or two, maybe three

now that have never heard of a Blackberry other than maybe, you

know the TV show or somebody mentioning it. So if we don't

grow and evolve, we're going to become extinct before our time.

And this whole mindfulness and meditation and journaling that's

just a way to keep us evolving and on our toes. And I know one

time you had a Monday morning session, for lack of a better

word, and I joined it, and you were like, Okay, I want you to

meditate. What would your day look like if you had, for

instance, 10 clients. And I started journaling about it. I'm

sure you remember this, and you're like, oh, so everybody,

you know what came up for you? And I was like, I don't want 10

clients. If they each wanted three sessions a week. Like,

that's 30 hours a week. I have other things, like, I can't cope

with 30 with 10 clients in 30 hours a week. And I just really,

like, I drew a hard line in the sand, like, I don't want that. I

don't want 10 clients. That's too many. And I was talking to a

business coach, and they said, Oh, Jennifer, you don't have to

book them three times a week. They get on your calendar when

you have availability. And I was like, wait what? You didn't get

on like you, I haven't talked to you in two weeks because you

couldn't get on my calendar. Our calendars didn't align. It

wasn't that they had no availability. It was like my

availability, their availability, but that was,

like, a huge mindset shift for me. And I was like, of course, I

can handle at least 10 clients, because it doesn't have to be

that way. So it's being open and flexible to another way to do

it. I'm fair to partly rigid. I'm trying to be more, you know,

open and fluid. But that journaling, you get it out on

paper, then you can share it with somebody else, and like me,

you can have the win of somebody going that doesn't have to be

that way.

Open Access to you. They get open access within

the time that you say they can have access. But you got to take

care of yourself and have a life too, right?

Hey, that's the other piece. Yes, you have to

take care of yourself. I love so I love flying, like, just get me

where I want to go so I can enjoy the experience once I'm

there. But Southwest Airlines, their flight attendants have

more fun with their pre flight announcements, and it's, you

know, put on the put on your face Max first before you help

the man next to you, because he's going to need it, or the

children. But if you don't put yours on first, and it's so

true, and we hear mainly women talking all the time about all

their responsibilities, all the people they have to take. Care

of in their lives, and they don't have time to get a

manicure pedicure. Okay? That's not just having good looking

toes and and fingers. That's like downtime. That's like self

care. Not everybody gets that. I totally get that. Manicures, not

so much. Pedicures, absolutely and it's it, it's all the little

things that can help so your morning routine, and I'm just,

I'm hammering this home because I I wish people would like

embrace a morning routine. What's your average time slot

that you make for your morning routine to have coffee,

meditate, journal, EFT, tapping. And I

love that hour talk, an hour talk. Tops, I use

the setting on my iPhone that says I cannot look at social

media or my emails or anything on the web before 7am so my

morning routine could easily span a long time, if then I'm

like, oh, so and so's doing on Instagram. Oh, that's cool. I

like that. And before I know it, the whole thing is sucked away.

So it's, it's this place of focus, right? It's like, you

decide to do it, but you're doing it only that, not that,

and eating breakfast that, and checking Instagram that, and

responding to an email, just stay pure to that morning

routine. And I bet you, if you had 20 minutes and you did it

consciously, you can do 10 minutes of meditation, five

minutes of journaling, five minutes of tapping, 20 minutes

all in it's going to change your day.

10 minutes of meditation, five minutes of

journaling, five of tapping,

and you all have changed your day.

So I'm a Christian, but I also believe

that we get lots of messages from lots of different things,

and for me, it all was created by God, so it's good. Other

people believe in universe and spirit or higher self. I'm good

with any of it. Everybody's belief systems are great with

me. I don't really care. But you get messages however they come,

whatever label you put on him. But the one thing I have learned

that I know that I know that I know the messages come quicker

and more easily when you're quiet and still

exactly and so for people who are Christians, it's

this prayer is where we talk to God, and meditating is where we

listen to God, right? The place that I hear most of my messages

is I get them at 4am I kind of semi sort of kind of wake up.

It's sort of like a half awake, and then they'll get something,

and then I get to go back to sleep for another hour. It's

great.

And that's when you have that idea that you have

to sleep with a pad and pen next year bed. So when those

brilliant moments come,

gotta write it. Yeah,

I had a spiritual coach one time say

when I go to bed, I set the intention that my guides will

remind me of the brilliance that I had during my sleep. Because

if something really big comes up and you wake up and you're like,

Ah, I think I had that solution.

Yeah. What was that thing? But I love that I

hadn't thought about that. I'm going to use that too, yeah,

remind my guides to remind me so I don't forget.

So math was always hard for me, and there

are probably a bazillion reasons why I'm smart enough. I could

have learned it, I just didn't like it. But what I found as I

got higher up in in math, in algebra two and trig, Algebra

three, while I was in high school, was I would finally get

it the morning of the test, like, finally it would all come

together. I would sit down, I would take the test, and I

always gotta be like, I could never get an A, and it was

because I didn't have enough time between understanding and

having to be tested on it. But I think a lot of that came from

that night before the test, like, I had studied, I had

prepped, I had done all the things that my subconscious is

like, All right, we'll let you get through it.

Yeah. And also maybe it was the processing,

like, I'm just kind of thinking about that, like allowing your

subconscious to process it and put it in the way that actually

made sense to you. Like, you know, studying it is one thing,

but then it needs to make sense to you to be able to do the test

too.

Yeah, I always thought, Man, I woke up today if

that test could only be tomorrow. Like I just know,

because, you know, today, as soon as we take the test, we

move on to something new, right? So for sure, you have to be

quiet and still candy. This has been awesome. I i. Love that you

went from sleeping with the BlackBerry in your bedroom, that

you had to like react to instantaneously when you got up

to no social, no email, no nothing before 7am so that you

can have time for your morning rituals. This has been great,

awesome conversation. So any last words for the audience and

how they can get hold of you? Ah,

last words. So I think that the last word is that

you get to do a morning routine the way you want to when you

make it so that it doesn't feel like another thing on your to do

list that's that you have to do, but something that you look

forward to. It's everything. So if you love the idea of a

morning routine and you drink coffee, get it in your favorite

mug, sit in a nice comfy chair with a nice fluffy blanket and

really savor it and make it something that you enjoy. The

more you enjoy it, the more you're going to feel like you

need to do it. So that would be my thoughts. And then how they

can get a hold of me. You can get a hold of me at my website.

It is candymote.com not going to spell it all out for you. It'll

be in the Episode Notes, but it's just my name

candymoatsec.com you can see all different kinds of people that I

talk to, and ways that you can find out more about working with

me. Thank you for having me.

I love it, candy. Thank you so much for

your time. I'm Jennifer Takagi with destin for success, and I

look forward to connecting with you soon. You.