Lainne Love shares How to Bring Spirit into Psychology | DFS 319

Jennifer, welcome to the destined for

success podcast. I'm your host, Jennifer Takagi, and this

podcast used to be called new manager, media manage. Ride from

the start. Many of the concepts are the same, but there's a

little shift. There's a shift, because I know we are all

destined for success, and I want to help you find the fastest,

smoothest way to reach your highest best as quickly as

possible. Join me in today's episode where you're going to

come up with new ways to build your skills and influence others

to make the impact you desire to make. I look forward to

connecting with you soon. Welcome to Destin for success.

I'm your host, Jennifer Takagi, and today we have the honor and

the privilege to hear from Miss Lani love, and she's a mama.

She's into spiritual psychology, and she's in Canada. I keep

collecting all these Canadians. It's so much fun. Welcome to the

show. Lainey,

hi. Thank you so much for having me. It's amazing

to be here with you. Well,

thanks. And I'm very curious about this term,

spiritual psychology. Can you go into more detail on that?

Absolutely sure. Well, you know the short

definition is just bringing spirit into psychology, right?

Because we're familiar that psychology is the study of the

mind and how it works and how it affects our behavior, basically.

And spiritual psychology just expands on that, in that we are

more than just our minds. You know, we're integrating all the

other aspects of ourselves, but also nature. And this, this idea

of wholeness that spirituality brings. We're all

interconnected, so the mind is, yes, very important, and we are

more than just our mind. And more than just our mind affects

our behavior and the results in our lives. Ah,

that's a very succinct definition. I love that

that's like something I can wrap my head around. So when we talk

about success, that podcast is destined for success. Like,

what's your journey been? What do you do? How do you show up in

the world? Oh, Lauren,

success has been such a trigger word for me,

something different for everybody, right,

right? Yeah, no,

in a in a wonderful, playful way, in a

really super annoying, frustrating way, success. I've

had a really interesting relationship with it. What does

it actually mean? What does it mean to me? What does it mean,

and what does it mean to me? And I have had a lot of success in

my life, and are there still some things that I'm looking to

have more success in? But I came from, you know, I had a teenage

mama and for four kids, and obviously, as a teenager, she

didn't have, really have the skills, tools and abilities to

be able to create a safe or nurturing environment. So

there's a lot of chaos and a lot of turmoil, and definitely

experience different types of abuse growing up, and that's

okay, that's that was shaping me into the person that that I

needed to become, and has been a catalyst in the direction that

I've taken my life. So, you know, if you, if you've had a

challenge, I've likely faced something similar. So when it

comes to, you know, this idea of success, one overcoming

challenges that success for me. But one and another thing about

overcoming challenges is not just the doing of it, but also

like the celebration of what what that is, and my attitude

towards it, because it's one thing to, you know, meet some

sort of goal, or to have overcome the hurdle, but if your

mind is still, or your heart or your spirit is still stuck in a

dark place, well, to me, then I that's not the part of the

success. The the success, to me, more and more, is the inner the

inner journey that then produces the outer results. And it's

taken me a really long time to actually understand what that is

and to get it. And I'm really, really grateful to finally get

it after bashing my head against that wall 20 times. Times or 100

really, or more, if I'm being really honest, I've had to

repeat the same lessons many, many times. Ah, so

you just get tired of that. I had, he goes

spiritual healer, and he said, Whatever he said. And I went,

Wait, didn't we do that. Hey, I wanted that to be over and gone.

So, yeah, but I love that the inner journey produces the outer

results, because that is how it works. Um, I do energy healing

and release trapped emotions for clients and and myself, and it's

very interesting that if you don't clear out that junk and

get it in line, you can't end up with those results that you're

hoping for. So Right?

And it's so I felt like it's so annoying that

that's the journey, because that's what you hear. And I know

I gotta go around it some way, or there's gotta be a faster

way, or that's not the way. It can't be. Can't be that simple,

because it's not easy work, but it feels like it's too simple

like that. That couldn't be the way, but that really is the way.

It's just move out. And actually it's it's perfectly designed

because the stuff that comes up your challenge or the emotion or

the frustration or the fear, however it manifests, whatever

it looks like, that's actually when you overcome that. That's

like the step that brings you up to the next level. So, you know,

imagine you're playing a video game. It's like, oh, I defeated

this foe. Now I leveled up. I'm on the I'm on the next level.

That's actually what happens so when you're feeling the fear,

the frustration or the anger, when you meet it and you

overcome it, or you love it, or you transmute it, whatever word

or experience you want to use, the result is that you level up.

So it's actually a gift, and that is the the opportunity, the

invitation, the in the entry door to what it is that you're

actually wanting. And when I learned to see that that was the

truth of it, to understand that that was the truth of it, then

my relationship to challenges and fears and frustrations, like

all the things that seem to be weighing me down, all of a

sudden, they they lost their gravity. I can't say that I'm

still not frustrated or that I don't feel fear or any of those

emotions, but I I shifted a lot faster, oh, oh, this is, this

needs to be cleared, so then I can move on to the the next

thing. And that's actually pretty exciting,

well, and it's, it is exciting. And, like I have

heard in very traditional, I'm going to use the word therapy

very loosely, but it's always Oh, it's hard work. It's a it

takes a long time. You got to process it all. And that never

really set super well with me. And so when I got into energy

healing. And I found out it can be fast, it can be easy, it can

be like, it can be as fast as you want it to be, or it can be

as slow as you want it to be, but we have way more control

over that. And that was very exciting to me, because I want

to clear it and move on. Like, okay, yeah, okay, recognize that

I see it. Now. What's next? Like, move on to the next better

thing.

Amen to that. And it's it does not take years. I

love that you brought that up. It can, it can, like it took me

many, many years, but it took me many, many years because I kept

avoiding doing the work. So for anybody that's experiencing that

I was doing all of the things. I was hiring the coaches, going to

the therapist, get doing the body work, getting, getting

Reiki, healing, all of the things. So I thought I was doing

the work. But there's a difference between showing up

and doing the the appointment and actually going home and

carrying the appointment. You know, basically doing your

homework is actually doing the work. So, you know, like I've I

bought the books, I read the book, but did I implement the

knowledge or the wisdom that I learned from the book into my

life? There's a big difference between reading the book and

actually taking action and becoming what was in the book,

what the book suggested. So I read 100 books and thinking that

a. I Well, now I know it. I wasn't doing it. And I didn't

know that I wasn't doing it because I thought that reading

the book meant that I was doing it. I thought that going to the

appointment meant that I was doing it. So wasn't purposely

trying not to do it. I was investing a lot of time, money,

energy and effort into doing it without without realizing how I

was feeling myself or self sabotaging really.

How do you make that shift into actually doing

it

by noticing that so one and that last note that I

just said was self sabotage. There are different layers of

work that we get to do. And isn't it wonderful that you

know, as we were mentioning earlier about therapy, that are

an energy healing, that there are all these different

modalities and they all work. It's so great. It's so great

that they all work, and there's a there are better ones at

different times in your life, for for different things. Just

like any toolbox, hammers work. They work every single time, but

they don't really work well. If you need a screwdriver, it's not

the right tool. Doesn't mean that a hammer doesn't work. So

it's the same thing when you're looking at doing your healing

work. So what I needed to do was work on my subconscious

programming, because I kept sabotaging myself, because that

was the program. And so when I started working more on that,

and actually sitting with my emotions, is growing up in so

much chaos and experiencing so many different types of abuse.

You know, like most people that have experienced that in their

life, they push down. Well, actually, any human, most

humans, that's what we do, is we have an emotion and we push it

down. We don't think to actually let ourselves feel at an

experience. So then we can let it go. So I pushed down

emotions, but also I never acknowledged traumatic

experiences. So even even now, I'm still unwinding that unlike

what an actual traumatic experience is, because it was

always like that, get up and keep going. And there is a

beauty in that. There's a beauty in the ability that if I get

knocked down, I'm not gonna, like, sit there, I'm gonna get

up and keep going. And then that also leaves me with a lot of

stuff that I'm gonna have to eventually get back to, because

if you're getting up and keeping going amazing. It doesn't mean

that you still don't have to deal with the stuff. And that's

what I didn't I didn't put those two things together because I

had gotten up and kept going. So how do I still have the stuff to

deal with? Well, it's still waiting to be acknowledged like

and there's something in the healing process called being the

witness, and sometimes all you need to do is just like, Oh, I'm

just gonna sit with myself and acknowledge that that actually

happened. Because in a lot of abusive situations, you're told

that that didn't even happen, and so you're really confused

within yourself. But did that actually happen? And I'm sure it

did, but I just, I just need somebody to just, yeah, that

actually happened. Wow. Okay, I'm acknowledging that. I'm

going to sit with myself so that I don't have to carry it around

anymore, because all I was waiting was for somebody to just

say that actually happened. And that's a real part of the

healing process, too. And sometimes it's enough for you to

be the witness, and sometimes you need to say it in front of

somebody else. And that's another benefit that we have of

working with healers or therapists or or coaches, is

just having somebody else actually be witness to our human

experience.

And so when you say acknowledge that it

happened, it doesn't have to actually or necessarily be

somebody that witnessed it. It could be you sharing your story

with someone and them acknowledging it with you. Yes,

okay, I just needed to clarify that, right, absolutely. Story.

You don't have the people around that could

Yeah, often it's those people that are the ones

that are most resistant to actually being, to being a

witness to what happened, because they don't want to admit

it to themselves, also because of the pain that's in that's

involved with that, that either they have to take responsibility

or witness their own pain, that'll that allowed that whole

experience to take place. And that's that's a whole other

layer and something else that's like getting into karma and

spirituality and all these cool things that we experience in

being human beings. Yeah,

well, I heard what like to wrap up several

things that. You've said that were so impactful, people will

read the Bible, for instance, multiple times, and a scripture

will be revealed to them. Is how I've often heard it put I told

you that camera freeze for half a second, um, a scripture will

be revealed and it will mean something different that you're

reading it now than when you read it eight or 10 years ago.

And it's kind of that same thing of, oh, wait, this feels

different this time around, like I I recognize, I recognize the

pattern now because I'm ready to see the pattern and make a shift

in the pattern. Because, like, for years, I was, I was just

living life like there wasn't really a plan. My plan was to

get a good job, make good money, save for retirement and make a

difference and it I didn't have, like, a etched in stone plan.

Like some people I'm going to do this, this, this and this, and

this is who I'm going to be. And, like, my plan was a lot

more fluid than that, but when I look back, like, everything I

did, like, led to this moment where I'm actually interviewing

people for a podcast that I had that was not that was not on my

bucket list, it wasn't on my radar. When I was first told,

you need to have a podcast, I didn't even know what a podcast

was. So, you know, you evolve, you're ready. And sometimes I I

think Dr Phil does a lot of really great work, and I love on

his shows where he goes. How's that working for you? And it's

the same kind of thing, like, we decide, wait a minute, that

behavior is no longer serving me, it is not working for me.

What can I do differently? And working with a spiritual healer,

she pointed out some things. I was like, No, I don't know. I

don't think that's right. And then I'm in a group setting, and

I'm like, shit. I just did that. I just did what she said, that I

was doing like and then once you recognize it, you can choose

that, yeah, it's working for me. I'm going to keep doing it. Or

maybe that's not working for me quite the way I thought it was

maybe, yeah, not do it the same way and and some of the

trainings I do with people, it's, it's not that you're

required to change or grow or evolve or get over your past.

It's how is that serving you, and is that where you want to

say, and if the answer is yes, that's your choice. But if

you're ready to evolve and move, there are ways to do it. And it

can be quick, it can be easy. Yeah, you just have to commit to

I want to do this,

and thank God for that. It's as It's as quick and

as easy as you let it to be, as as you let it be for yourself,

and sometimes that that's an interesting dance. You know when

your mind knows something like my my brother passed away this

year. He overdosed and thank you. I'm like sending blessings

to him, for sure, but knowing that, that he's in peace now is

knowing he's in peace right now brings, brings me peace for him,

but wrapping so in my, in my mind, it was a relief, actually,

because he, he was on the streets for most of his adult

life and experienced a lot of pain, and so it was a relief. It

was very, very sad, because it's sad that something like that

becomes a relief, and then that's something to contemplate

and look at. And, you know, my level of responsibility and like

karmic journeys and what his life was about, all of those

things to contemplate. So my mind really understood, and my

mind had a lot of peace, and yet the my human, my my human, still

had to go through this grieving process. And I've, I found that

so fascinating, because I've, I've had people in my life pass

away, and it was a different process. But then this

particular experience, as my mind had peace around it, but my

body and my human and my heart still had so much to process. So

experiencing those two different different experiences at the

same. Same time was so interesting to me. So I just say

that in the in the time part, although I felt like my mind

accepted it in like, almost right away, there was still a

part of me that was lagging behind, but maybe not lagging

behind. It was in its own time to process. Like I could sit

here and stare at a wall and five hours would pass by, I'd be

like, Oh my god, I literally just stared at the wall because

that's where I needed to be. And so when you're working through

something in your life, if you have a handle on it, but you're

not moving as fast as you want, just let yourself have moved

through it in whatever that timing is, and give yourself

also a little bit of time as much as we want to speed through

things and we want it now, I know I want it now and then it

means I actually go slower then I actually would have went if I

would have Just let myself go through the process, instead of

trying to speed myself along. So knowing that it's possible, that

it can happen instantaneously is so important, because it is

important to have the counter narrative that it doesn't take

years, because it doesn't have to. And if it takes two years,

that's okay too. It's just knowing that all things are

possible, I think, really helps to change that. The inner dialog

and the narrative

I had a recent conversation, actually as a

podcast interview, and she deals a lot with grief, and she was

talking about how it's okay to feel joy, but it can be very

difficult when you're going through grief to feel joyful,

and you're like, oh, I should feel guilty because I shouldn't

feel joy. And so we ended up in a little bit of a short

conversation on when, when your grief becomes sinful because you

can't enjoy the the joy and the beauty that life has and and it

does take on its own time frame, its own process. I think if

someone were to ask me, it's just keeping that conscious

attention that I want to move through the process like I don't

want to stay in this place of this level of heartbreak, I want

to, even if it's a slow pace, I still want to be moving forward.

And you're, you're experiencing that in yourself.

You know, we're just, we're, I was just discussing the loss of

somebody else in my life, but it it is that similar experience of

grief within yourself when you're changing a pattern,

because that has been a part of you for so long, or maybe it's

been an ancestral pattern, so the weight of it, or the

momentum of it feels heavier, and the resistance of letting it

go, or that even the feelings of of guilt I've had some guilt of

letting go, some patterns like, Oh my God. Like, oh, I'm wishing

that you were gone. Oh

god,

that's horrible of me. Like, isn't that an interesting inner

dialog to have in in letting go of a pattern so that I could

move towards my idea and my definition of success. So yes,

notice, notice what you notice. And grief can be, it can be a

part, and actually is a part of all, all of the things. So just

notice how, how you're responding to that, because

exactly it said, maybe you're finding it hard to to move into

joy when you're letting go of this pattern and you're you're

looking to create something new and and then how do you heal

that? So okay, if that is what you're experiencing, I'm

experiencing this part of grief. How is it that I move forward,

and how it is that you just, you move forward as you just notice

when, and then let yourself sit with that, you know, okay, I'm

experiencing that. I'm feeling guilt for, for moving forward,

and maybe I'm leaving my family behind, because my family all

acts like this, and me, and in shifting this, choosing to shift

this, this pattern, means that I am breaking free from, in some

way, of my family, my ancestral lineage, and I feel a weight

with that, just actually being honest with yourself, You just

sit with it and let yourself feel the weight, and the more

that you let yourself feel the weight, and the more honest you

are with yourself, then the lighter that it becomes, because

you're just you're acknowledging it, and you're allowing it to be

what it is, instead of fighting against it, it's the fighting

against it. It's not that. Having the initial feeling that

causes the the challenge in your life. It's the fighting against

what you're actually experiencing and making it wrong

that then causes the challenge.

And I love that you brought up several different

things on what we grieve, because a lot of times we I'll

go with me. I was brought up trained, witnessed experience

that you grieve the loss of a person, whether they die or it's

a relationship and breaks up like those are the things that

you grieve. And what I've learned is we grieve all kinds

of things. We we grieve the job we didn't get. We grieve that we

were tired and left our friends and colleagues behind. We grieve

that we wanted this one thing so much, and it it fell apart and

didn't come through. Like, there's, there's so many

different oh, what word do we want to use? I'm going to go

with opportunity. There are so many opportunities to grieve

different things, but like you say, we usually just gloss over

them and move on, and they're going to trip you up at some

point. Like, if you don't take the chance to do it, like you

say, do the work, you're gonna get tripped up a little bit

Absolutely,

and that is Ta da, we've just summed up life for

you. And that's life, that's the work, that's that's the stuff.

Those are the steps. Is just like looking at all the ways in

which we're just trying to avoid feeling something that creates

all of the challenges and the blockages that we then

experience that are keeping us from the things that we actually

want, and they're just keeping us there because they're like,

but that's like 100 down the line, you still have all of

these things that you have to attend to before you can get

there. You made the order, but there's 100 other orders in

front of you, and that we're not realizing, because we have just

pushed them aside, not realizing that we actually just made that

order, and so you have to actually attend to it, to clear

it so that you can get down the line to the thing that you're

actually desiring. And that's cool. It's cool to know that.

Oh, so that's all I have to do, is I just have to do the work

amazing. I'm gonna copy, we assimilate

the word work with hard. Yeah, it's not always

hard. Sometimes it is, but it doesn't have to always be hard.

So how do you how do you work with people? How do you help

with people like, how do we get in contact with you? Tell me

more. Tell me more.

You can find me so easily@laney.com I got lucky. I

got l, a, I n, n, e.com, and you can find me social media at Lani

love at all the places, Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook,

actually, not all the places, mostly just those ones. It's too

much to try to keep up with all of the things so my goodness,

but isn't it wonderful that we have those tools and it is so

easy to be able to connect? And how do I work with people?

Basically, if I'm summing it up, I get to sit down with people

and listen for the things that they're not hearing. Ooh, and,

you know, and then give them, uh, reflect that back at them,

so then they can hear them, and then give them tools and

processes they can use so that they can move through that

challenge with greater ease, grace and flow, so that they can

have what it is that they're wanting in their life, you know,

that's, that's what all, all the work is about, right?

And your most of that is one on one. Yeah, I

love working one on one with people. Sometimes I

work in groups too, because that's that can be lots of fun

too. There's something really magical about a group dynamic,

and when people get to share with each other. And I love

getting to work one on one with people, because I really like to

be able to laser focus and hear what it is that's very specific

for them, so that they can accelerate the movement in their

life and get to living into their bigger mission, so that

they can, you know, live their legacy of love and and share

their unique blueprint and imprint with the planet, as

we're all meant to do.

Oh my gosh, I love that. As we wrap up, do you

have any final thoughts you want to share with the audience?

Yeah, keep

going. Keep going. Dig deeper within yourself. Keep

going you can do. It. I've been flat on my face and belly

crawled many times in my life. I definitely know what that feels

like. And you can keep going. There's more within you, and

that you matter. You matter so much. You are a one of a kind

winner. There has only been one you in the history of the

universe, and there only ever will be one of you. And really

sit with that. That's not those aren't just words. That's a

reality. There is only one you in the history of the universe.

You are so important, and you are here for a reason, and you

have a purpose, so get out there and do it.

I love that lady. Love ladies and gentlemen,

Words To Live By. I'm Jennifer Takagi with destin for success,

and I look forward to connecting with you soon. Bye, thank you

for taking your time to spend with me on this latest podcast

of destined for success. Please take a moment to leave a review.

Share it with a friend and subscribe and get the newest

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