What’s keeping you from living in the present moment with Gayle Weill | DFS 307

Welcome to Destin for success. I'm your

host, Jennifer Takagi, and it is pot of Palooza Day. I'm so

excited. I love pot of Palooza because I get to meet so many

people I wouldn't normally meet and come in contact with, and

get to hang out with and bring them to you. So my next guest is

the one and only amazing Gail wheel. And Gail is a

psychotherapist, and she focuses on multiple I can talk, yeah, I

do this for a living. She goes into multiple modalities to help

people heal, which, as you know, I'm all about healing and energy

healing. I love all the modalities. Gail, welcome to the

show.

Thank you, Jennifer. I'm so happy to be

here and to meet with you and and talk about all the good

stuff, all the

good stuff. So we talked just a little bit in

the green room about the work that you do, one of the things,

one of the many things you help clients with, is anxiety, and

you have multiple modalities for that, and with anxiety so many

other things, right? Um, with that, it's typically not just a

one thing. In my experience as a non licensed psychotherapist,

and I love the fact that you do your psychotherapy via zoom,

because that just really opens it up. People don't have to

leave. They don't have to, like, make a big deal to get out of

the office. It's just like, I love all that. So tell me how

you got so passionate about this, how you show up in the

world. And let's talk about some of the modalities you use.

Yeah, 100% so I have always wanted to go into the

healthy profession. I actually started my career off as a

nursing major in school. I quickly decided that, you know,

going into medical sciences, not my area of expertise. I love

instead, to be able to talk with people and brainstorm ways to to

help help them be their best selves and to make life a little

bit better. You know, that is really just something I really

enjoy doing on the daily

I love that. And I had a I had a situation

with a toxic boss, and I call the employee assistance program,

so those of you listeners who work for corporations that have

employee assistance programs, I highly suggest that you take

advantage of it. And I went to see the counselor therapist in

that and she said, you're sharing too much with your boss.

She's taking everything you say, turning it around and using it

against you. And I was like, But wait, if she asked for three

things on the report, and I know she needs seven more, I'm going

to give her all 10. And she goes, No, you give her 10 and

she asked for three, she's going to find ways to use that against

you. You're you're trying to treat her like a totally normal

person that you would have a conversation with, but that's

not the relationship that's going on here. Only give her

what she wants. So I'm going to say that a therapist like

literally saved my life, because it changed the whole dynamic,

right? When I showed up differently, it modified the

whole dynamic. I would have never thought that could have

happened, but lo and behold, it did.

That is so incredibly inspiring. Wow. Isn't it great

to be able to talk with an objective person about these

things, and then they can give you that kind of feedback, and

then you can see a world of a difference,

wow. Well, I like to say, and I Gosh, I don't

even know how many years ago it was the first time I said this.

When you go see a therapist or a counselor, you get to scream and

yell and cry and say all the things you want to say, and you

don't have to go to lunch with them. You don't have to work

with them, and you don't have to sleep with them, because

everybody else in your life kind of falls in one of those

categories.

Yeah, yeah. It makes it so that you know the

relationship, the therapeutic relationship, I mean to say it's

all about you, so that is your space to be able to vent without

worry about, you know, anything that you owe the therapist? You

know that the idea is that it is an objective person that has

experience and knowledge in order to help you. Ah,

I love that. So you mentioned that you can use

hypnosis as one of your methods modalities to help people. How

does that work?

Yes, so there's a lot of confusion around hypnosis,

actually. If you tell tell me more. Yeah, I think a big fear

when I say the word hypnosis is that there's some kind of form

of mind control, or that I'm going to make the person quack

like a duck, or that they won't be able to come out of whatever

trance I put them in hypnosis. This is not like it is shown in

the movies. It's not mind control whatsoever. It's simply

being in a state, a brain state, where you could speak directly

to the subconscious mind. And actually, people are hypnotized

on a daily basis and don't even realize it. Oh, do tell Ah,

yeah. So let's say you know you're watching a show on TV,

for example, and you know a commercial comes on, and you're

zoning out during that commercial. You're not paying

attention whatsoever. Your hearing is still on, meaning

like you don't turn your ears off. You can still hear what's

going on. You're just not paying attention when you're in that,

that state that's like the lightest state of hypnosis.

You're in a form of hypnosis, and you don't even realize it.

So you might then find yourself at the supermarket one day doing

your grocery shopping. Maybe you're in the cereal aisle, and

maybe I'm dating myself, but there used to be so many cereal

commercials, oh my goodness. But yeah, so you might be in the

cereal aisle buying yourself some, I don't know, Frosted

Flakes, and you're like, Whoa. I wasn't thinking of doing that.

But sure, you know, yeah, it's really when you're in that state

of mind, where you're, you know, just tuning everything out, not

paying attention, but you're still able to hear you are in a

state of hypnosis. It's interesting.

Well, that's interesting. You say that

because when I started seventh grade, it was a new school, and

they had, like, an orientation day for the seventh graders, and

one of the teachers suggested you get a tape recorder and

record all your notes and worksheets and tests from the

class to study. And so I went to my dad, I was like, Dad, I want

a tape recorder, because they recommended a tape recorder. And

he goes, Are you going to make straight A's? And I said, No,

probably not. I mean, I was realistic about it, but I would

all the way through seventh grade, through high school

graduation, and all the way through college. I recorded all

of my notes, and then while I was painting my nails, while I

was cleaning my room, doing whatever else, I just played it

over and over, again and again. I wasn't hyper aware of what was

going on. It was just like playing in the background, and I

had to give a I didn't have to. I was given the honor of doing

an hour and a half keynote opening speech at an event, and

I kind of had my talk together, so I recorded it, and then I

listened to it the whole way there, but then when I got

there, I was able to just step on the stage and do the talk

right. It was, it was kind of effort effortless, but I hadn't

really considered that listening to it 20 times, I was kind of in

a light state of hypnosis, and getting that information

embedded

your subconscious mind was absorbing all of that. Yeah,

amazing. So if i So, I mentioned before we

started, or as we were starting, that I have a free opt in on my

website for a meditation to help reduce anxiety. And so what are,

what are your suggestions, if someone felt like they were

suffering from anxiety to reduce that?

You know, that's a really good question. It depends

on what is causing the anxiety. I would say, you know, a lot of

times with anxiety, we are very much, you know, worried about

something that's going to happen in the future, or we're dwelling

on something that has happened in the past that really bothered

us. You know, a big thing about anxiety is that we're not really

living in the present moment, but the present moment is all we

really have. So it's important to keep that in mind. And, you

know, try to brainstorm. What is getting in the way of being in

the present moment? Is it um? Is it biochemical? You know, is

there a specific um, like social anxiety, for example, where you

know, you're in social situations and your heart is

just racing, and you can't help that. You know, is that like a

biochemical symptom you're experiencing, and what can we do

to address that? That's just one example. Is it like, is there a

particular situation in which, you know, cognitive behavioral

therapy, for example, it addresses thoughts, feelings and

behaviors and how they're all interconnected. So if I'm

thinking something, that means I will feel a certain way about

that thought. I can change my thinking, and then that will

then change my behavior and change my feelings about it. But

sometimes, and this is where hypnosis could be incredibly

beneficial, some. Perhaps you have somebody who you know they

are able to change their thinking, but their feelings are

not changing with the thought. And in that case, hypnosis could

be really helpful, because that means that there is something

else going on there subconsciously to be as a

barrier so that you know they're not they're not able to align

their thoughts and their feelings.

I love that, because in the work that I do,

they've done some research, and they've determined that a

trapped emotion is roughly the size of your fist. So if you're

walking around with this fist or multiple fists full of emotions,

literally inside your body, it's blocking everything, right? And

that, in and of itself, causes anxiety because things aren't

working well or properly. So is there something like I can do

like you said, If you could change what you think, then that

can lead to changing what you feel, but if it's a little too

big, then the feelings may not catch up as quickly as as

changing the thoughts. And I appreciate that distinction. But

so if there's something I personally can do to address

anxiety that I might be feeling or or knowing, if it's like a

sometimes things are like a reasonable amount, like you've

got a big presentation at work coming up. Well, there's going

to be a little anxiety about that, but sometimes it goes over

the edge, and then you're staying up late at night, and

then you might be drinking trying to get to go to sleep,

and then you're drinking too much, and then it escalates from

there. Yeah,

yeah. That's a good point. I you know, there is such

a thing as healthy anxiety. You know, anxiety could be good, you

know, if it motivates us to, let's say, using your example,

Jennifer, you know, you have a presentation, a healthy amount

of anxiety will get you, you know, preparing for that

presentation. But if it gets to the point where you're up at

night and you're just sweating and you can't turn it off, your

thoughts are spiraling. What do you do? You know, I think when

that happens, it's important to identify what exactly it is

you're anxious about and be able to target it so that, you know,

you can make it a little bit better and function, you know,

in a healthy way. So for example, with the presentation,

you know, are you anxious because you're worried about

what other people are going to think? Are you afraid that

you're going to make a mistake? If that's the case, let's talk

about it and figure out how we can make you feel more

confident, you know, and if they're something like maybe a

past experience where you presented and it didn't go well

and you were really embarrassed, then your subconscious mind,

it's very possible, took that in and incorporated it for you as

labeling yourself as somebody who cannot present, and

therefore that is what is causing anxiety. And maybe we

then need to target that in hypnosis. Oh,

wow. Because then in hypnosis you can

specifically identify that pattern.

It is a quicker way of, you know, trying to get the

subconscious mind to consider different thoughts about that.

Oh, my gosh. I love that so anxiety is just

kind of one of the areas. What's another area where we could,

like, take, I'm going to say, more control, be more in charge

of our life and the outcomes

mindset too. You know, like, I think one thing that's

important for for folks to realize is that we get to choose

how we view any given situation or and also how we view

ourselves. We don't have to label ourselves in a certain

way, but we we tend to as human beings, because we compare

ourselves to other people, or we have ambitions that we haven't

yet achieved, and unfortunately, that can make it so that we

label ourselves a certain way, but we get to choose how we view

ourselves and how we view any given situation. So I you know,

practicing that mindset skill is really important.

So if I want to practice that mindset skill, I

love that, and I love the way you said that, like, what is

something I could do?

Well, if we use the example of presenting, let's

say, you know, you're feeling really nervous. You're really

worried that the audience is going to laugh at you. You know,

I think one thing you can do is really question that, how

accurate is that? How likely is that to happen? Could it happen?

Sure, but is it likely, you know, I would say that yes,

there are people in the world who are mean and would laugh,

but the majority, I think, of healthy, functioning adults. Are

not like that, and chances are, they may even just be scrolling

on their phones, not paying attention. The likelihood of

people laughing at you is slim, in actuality. So where am I

going with this? It really depends on what is causing the

anxiety. So I think you could think about it and challenge

those those those thoughts. I don't know if that's still a

little too abstract, though.

Well, one thing that Kimberly Crowe, one of the

CO hosts and founders of palouza, likes to say is, as a

speaker, people can be very scared to speak, right? It's

like, Oh, I'm getting up in front of everybody. I'm putting

my message out there. And so several things she said is,

nobody's ever died on her stage. So when people talk about stage

fright, nobody literally has died on her stage. But the other

thing is, when you show up to speak at something, the majority

of the audience is there for you to do. Well, yeah. And so when

we make these assumptions, this is just the world, according to

Jennifer, when we make assumptions that people are

terrible and they're horrible and they're going to shred me,

okay, that's because we were looking at like some influencer

on Instagram that got shredded for something, but they're out

there in a whole different way, like they're showing up

differently. They're in a different space. So I think

sometimes comparison can cause some of that. Like I watch

somebody speak and I'm like, Oh my gosh, I want to incorporate

that. And another speaker I might say, I don't, I don't. I

didn't appreciate that, or I didn't think that really added

to their speech. So I would recommend we do it differently,

or she do it differently. He whatever. So and sometimes it's

putting that into context. And I don't think you've said the word

context, but maybe you have, but I think that's what you've meant

in a lot of this. Like, what does that mean? Did it really

happen? Is it real? And perceptions, obviously are real,

but did you die?

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Jennifer, I didn't use the word

contact, but you you got it right. That's exactly where I

was going with that, we can choose how we view any given

situation. We don't have to think of a situation as using

the example of stage fright. We don't have to view it as if

we're going to be shredded, you know? We can instead, like you

said, view it as these people are here for me. They want to

hear what I have to say.

Yeah, and I think that shows up this in,

like, whatever area you know you show up in, there might be one

person in your office that's jealous of you, and they might

be rooting for you to trip when you take the stage, but

everybody else is like, well, what does he or she have to say?

And you know, are they going to do it in a way that I can

receive the information and it's going to be good? So sometimes

we talk ourselves into a lot of panic that doesn't need to be

there, in my humble personal opinion. And several people on

that I've interviewed on my podcast have talked about and

Kimberly Crowe wrote a book on it, shifting your narrative,

like looking at it from a different angle, changing your

perception. Is, is journaling a good way to, like, get a handle

on some of this. Journaling

is fantastic. Um, it's a very good way to alleviate

anxiety you get whatever is floating in your mind. You know,

it could feel so big. You know, when you have all these worries

or anxieties, getting it on paper sometimes could be a

really beneficial thing, because then, you know, you come up with

new realizations and you realize that maybe it's not as big as I

think it was. Journaling can be incredibly helpful. I highly

approve of it.

I'm listening to an audio book. I can't

remember what it's called right now, blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah. It's really good, but I haven't finished it yet. But one

of their things, and that kind of goes along with the whole

shifting your narrative shift your perception, is, how is it

serving me to feel this way? And if it's not serving me well,

then am I willing to change part of it? Because sometimes we're

not willing to let all of it go. But it's like, Okay, so what's

what's working in this anxiety, like you said, it could fuel me

to get my presentation done. Do it better? You know, show up

more present, or is it like debilitating me and I can't take

the stage like and what level

are we? Yeah, for sure. And if it's to the point of

debilitating, don't lose hope. You know, ask for help. You

know, whether that be from a loved one. It, or it be from a

therapist, an objective person you know, that can help you with

this shift in mindset. Um, it doesn't have to be so hard, you

know. It can feel really hard, and it could feel like it's not

a choice. Anxiety could be absolutely debilitating, and

maybe, maybe you don't know how to get out of feeling

differently, and it's okay. That's when it's time to lose

any kind of shame. Ask for help. It's okay. And if there is

somebody that is shredding you the pieces, and maybe your

subconscious mind is learning that, hey, I have reason to be

anxious. Well, how true is that? You know, why would we even want

to give any kind of weight to somebody that would do something

like that to someone there, Brian, your opinion isn't

important. If there's somebody that is cruel and makes fun of

you, we don't have to internalize that.

Do I have to take that? I love it. I believe

it's Jack Canfield. We'll say cancel, cancel. Like I don't

even want that in my world. His is Cancel. Cancel. Somebody else

said, I erase that like I'm just going to erase that right now.

And they just physically move their hand back and forth like

they're erasing a chalkboard. I'm going to erase that because

I'm not taking that in that is not true for me. It's not right.

When someone gives you feedback, it is a gift, and it is a gift

you can accept and receive, or you can leave it where it is and

not take it, because it may not be true for you. So there are

some things I'm like that is not true for me,

and to have the confidence to know that you

really don't have to take any kind of criticism. Sometimes

criticism, if it's constructive, is incredibly helpful. If we

don't get this kind of feedback, how are we going to improve? But

it truly is something that's mean or anxiety provoking, you

really don't have to take it and taking it a step further, like,

how do you not take it? Maybe developing your confidence. Self

confidence is incredibly important with this kind of

thing.

And I want to throw one thing out on that

confidence business as we're as we wrap up our time together.

It's been lovely visiting with you. Gail, thank you, and that

is, confidence is built. And add on to this, please, confidence

is built by recognizing the things that you did well. So a

big deal for me. I'm the youngest of four, and people

would say we're leaving at eight o'clock. I didn't know what

eight o'clock was. We're leaving it in 30 minutes. I didn't know

what 30 minutes was. So when I learned to tell time and I knew

what eight o'clock was, I knew what 30 minutes was. I knew what

a quarter till was, and it's not 25 minutes. Spoiler alert, it's

15 minutes because I heard that actually happen. I can say when

it when none of my tech works, when my client doesn't show when

the payment doesn't come through, when all the things

that happen as an entrepreneur happen. And I'm losing that

confidence of I'm how I want to show up in the world. It's super

stupid, but I say, but I know how to tell time. I can read a

digital clock. I can read an analog clock. I can tell time.

That's a little simple thing, but then I can build from that.

What else can I do? Like, what else can I do? Because for all

the audience members out there, you can do way more than you

give yourself credit for, and it's important, all those little

pieces are important.

Yes, I love that so much. You can tell time. That's

so empowering,

the big deal for me. So as we wrap it up,

what's, what's some closing thoughts for our audience?

Yeah, I'd say, if there's any kind of takeaway I

want people to have, it's, don't give up hope. If you're feeling

down, you know, if you're feeling like things are really

hard and anxiety is getting in your way and like you really

don't have a handle on it, please. You know there, there is

out there. Don't feel any kind of shame. We're all human. We

all have things we need to work on, and know that there is hope.

I love that. Thank you, Gail, yeah,

thank you, Jennifer.

I'm Jennifer Takagi with destin for success,

and I look forward to connecting with you soon. You.