Ep 055: Living with DUALITY

Ever wonder what success actually means?

How do you get it?

And how do you keep it?

We all want it yet sometimes it feels only some of us get to have it.

Hi, Teresa and Blair here we are to badass entrepreneurs, best selling authors, coaches and business mentors, who have had success, felt success, questioned our own success and reclaimed it. Let's be real for a hot minute. 2020 has been a roller coaster ride, and many of us to start to wonder if they'll lose the things that made them successful. So we got curious, Ron real about what success is truly about?

Can you put it in a box?

How can you get it?

Can people take it away? Or are you the one with the power?

Does it mean the same to all of us? Or are we the ones that create it?

From PGA golf pros to doctors, CEOs, entrepreneurs and spiritual mentors, we get together to meet with successful people from around the globe to dissect success for vibrant conversations and interviews. Make sure you click the subscribe button on the app store because each week we will drop a new episode to bust through the myths around success and dissect its true meaning.

Hello, hello, and welcome back to another fabulous episode of dissecting success. Welcome to 2022. This is the second episode off 2022. It is on the 11th of January, which is very cool, because one plus one is two. And then obviously 2022. And today is the day we're officially kicking off the second year of our podcast. So I feel like this is really serendipitous, and really kind of cool. And I only literally just realized that when I started talking this episode that there was so many tears, but this is how my brain works. It rolls off sometimes. And sometimes it rolls really slow. And with that being said one thing that we VTX flawed would be an amazing way to start the year off together after last week's incredible episode on manifestation as well is talking about the duality of things to duality of life to duality of what we experience. Because reality is, life is not always one way, right? You don't just have one experience in your business, one experience in your life, one experience in your relationships, one experience with success, you have many. And at times, you are going to experience two extremes in a day, or even in a moment like feeling incredible sadness, and also celebrating a massive win all at the same time. So this is how we're going to kick you off because I feel like it's going to be helping you going through 2022 with more ease and confidence and just knowing that it's normal as fuck that two, VD opposite things get to happen at the same time without everything else shattering.

Theresa. Yes. Yes. Happy New Year.

Happy two year happy to do happy two year I would like happy two year happy two year.

Um, yeah, what a powerful topic. I mean, it's interesting, because we started this conversation because a Instagram post I made about the duality of my year last year, you know, my personal life, I went through some really deep dark challenges. And then my business which I was only really able to be kind of half in on because of the personal challenges. My business had the most successful financially and like achievement wise year, in existence in it's 13 years of being a business. But my personal life was the worst worst year in my 36 years. I just told you how old I am. And, you know, and I was just questioning, like, can both coexist, but I guess they can because they did and how do I celebrate those wins? And how do I you know, how do I be that positive, happy person while carrying that grief, you know, because I lost my mother. And it's learning how to balance everything together. Like the duality like in a day like you said, like in a day, like maybe I have a really hard client and you know, may have to make a decision to let the client go. Or you know, I get some feedback that's maybe not so positive. And then I might land a client and like 1000s of dollars drop into my bank account. Like there's the duality right there. Right and it's about kind of along the lines of what I believe is that there's always a silver lining you know, duality I picture like you know the movie model simplicity. I keep thinking like, this should be a movie called duality. But like, you know, what's that physics equation like for every action, there's a, for every negative action, there's a positive reaction. Oh, God, I was terrible at science. That's why I'm in public relations. But they're, you know, when something bad happens, something good also happens. There's always a positive, there's always that silver lining. And I think if you look at the duality, and you are having those moments of like, Oh, my God, this is what's happening. What is good in your life? What else is happening in your life? That is positive?

Yeah, 100%. And I feel like on so many levels, we get really messed up with that. Right? Because we feel like if we are experiencing something very bad, that so often we believe that nothing good can happen, right? Like, you might know this expression, like every bad things comes in freeze. And I remember like, at one point, people started saying that when I was still in a hotel, like the team was saying that like, oh, like bad things always come and freeze. And I noticed how many other people all of a sudden, were making the statement. And then what I started doing was every time something good happened, I was like, Oh, good. Things always come and freeze. I literally flipped it because I think what we often fail to understand is that it's very normal that we have that full range of experiences. And sometimes they're more extreme. And I don't know if you can hear my cat attacking the sandbag behind me, no, okay, only I can. But we seem to have this idea that debt can either be one or the other, and not both. And I found for myself, that starting to MIDI, except like find deep acceptance within the fact that both gets to exist. And both is equally valid. For us to have this full experience and range of life is something that really helped me to not get focused in on, on the things that are, you know, the things that might be really difficult to handle. But instead just let them be for what they are another experience and experience I get to learn from something even in the most difficult situations. And in the same day, I can be experienced both.

Yes, yes, you can? Well, I don't know why. I looked up what I was trying to say, while you were talking. Newton's third law, which says, For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. And that's the duality. And, you know, I really also believe mindset has a huge part in this huge part in this, you know, what are we doing to see the glass half full? What are we doing? To make sure we have, well, though, we are wearing rose colored glasses, but then we are, you know, like, what are we doing so that when things are hard, we are not stuck or Velcro down to that bottom of sadness and hardened hardship, right? What are we doing? And I think it's important that each day we have practices to strengthen those muscles to make, you know, make us able to live in a world of duality. Where it's not so uncomfortable. You know, some practices I have like I call it strengthening my resilience muscle, I guess it kind of comes back to that. But I practice gratitude every day. I have the gratitude alarm every day at 9pm it goes off and I list three things I'm grateful for. I've you know, every so often I get in a groove of also sharing it on Instagram. My husband and I share it if I'm at a party, we'll parties aren't a thing anymore. But why don't we all get together in person, we would share them. But science proves that if you do that for at least 21 days, it changes the neural pathways in your brain to see the world in a more positive way. Like even when my mum died. We still did gratitude even when I had the miscarriage we still did gratitude. And so I you know, that's a perfect example of living in a place of duality. Like I'm, I'm burying my mother. But here are three things I'm grateful for from today. And it's a really interesting practice because it takes the duality, you know, from like the higher level to in that moment of like, Yes, right now I am not feeling it was things are really hard. But if you stop and think about what you are grateful for, you can create that duality and pull yourself out.

I love that and one thing that just came to mind, as you were talking about that is, and it's specifically around mindset is that it's very easy to fall into this victimhood state of being. And when I say victimhood state of being, it's like this, like, why is this happening to me? Right? Why is this happening to me? Why are things always going wrong? Why can nothing ever work? Why why why? Why? Why? Right, right? Like we all guarantee, have said this at least once in our life. But you probably say it a lot if you stopped paying attention, right? And a big reframe, actually, that I did, and this is not easy, and particularly in you know what you've experienced Blair in the last in the last year, like in 2021. This is a tough situation, but really anchoring in on the fact that everything happens for us. And that even through the shit storms, and the darkest hours, we can find, we can choose to find lessons for it, we can choose to look at, you know, it's not to say oh, it's like good when somebody's like, don't get me wrong, like when somebody passes away, when we lose somebody that we love. There's nothing, you know, good about that. Nothing good about that. Okay, there's a lot of sadness, there's a lot of grief. But they didn't die. They didn't do it to us, okay, like they didn't like be like, Oh, I'm gonna die, because I'm gonna come after this pasta and all my family I love I mean, that is ludicrous. If you put it that way, right? Like, it's completely crazy, right? But through that, and through experiencing that, you will be aligning some lessons that are going to be incredibly vital for your growth moving forward. And when you find a way to experience the bottom and still understand that you can continue to move towards and experience that you want for feeling gratitude being one of them, the game really changes. Because now what you can do is you can go through these extreme situations. But you can ask yourself, right, like, what am I grateful for right now, you can still feel a level of gratitude for what you have, even when you face loss. Right? You can still feel joy, even when you face loss by simply asking yourself what's one thing that would bring me joy today. And maybe it's having a good old cry, and screaming like singing, screaming, whatever you need to do in the shower, right? Like and that could actually bring you a release and bring you a feeling of joy. So matter of fact, is you get to choose to walk towards and create an experience that you want, emotionally, even when you face the most adverse and difficult challenging situations in your life. And this is this right there. That is the mindset work. That really changes the game.

I just want to say that you're talking about what brings you joy. You know, when my mom passed away, I was living in Pemberton, British Columbia, Canada, small town town of 2500. Like one stoplight, but since then, I've now moved to Kamloops which is a city. But being in Winnipeg, and being in the height of COVID My sister and I had to quarantine we stayed inside we had to order things to get delivered. People were really great. But Instacart I didn't know DoorDash or Uber Eats or what? Skip the dishes. I can't remember which one it is. But in Winnipeg, I discovered the joy I have when I got to order a cookie dough Blizzard from Dairy Queen with extra cookie dough. And yes, I gained a lot of weight when my mom died because a Jewish hug is a bagel and people kept delivering bagels and food and pastries, which I'm so grateful for. But I also ordered a cookie dough Blizzard almost every single day. And it brought me joy. It literally like I know this sounds so silly but it was just like I'm you know, hi, I had to go back to Winnipeg after my mom passed away. My sister and I went back to pack up the house and get ready to be listed to sell. And so we're like packing up our entire life and it was just like we looked at each other be like shorter blizzard. Yeah, let's order blizzard. It was just kind of like a nice little video probably very unhealthy for my physical body thing to do but mentally it was a really nice, like thing that I looked forward to every day. I'm now paying for it and I'm may or may not still order blizzards to be delivered to my house. But it brings me joy. And I think it's important to know what brings you joy and what you just said is so important because I think a lot of people don't even know what makes them happy. Like you have to. Like, figure out who you really are. What do you really love? Like what makes you happy? What brings you joy? Is it like reading? You know, celebrity gossip magazines? Is it going for you know, pedicures? Is it ordering blizzards to your face? And eating them horizontal in bed while watching reality TV? Like what is it that makes you happy? Do you know do you have like Theresa talks a lot about a brag bank? Bit like Do you have a joy list? joyless? Do you have? Fun word for that Teresa? Enjoy list. The joy bank?

I don't and it makes me she is a super side story. But I was on a podcast Loski and was referring to like doing something that you're like, as a joy injection. Julian but then I was told that apparently that is like, sexual term. And I was like, ever like, anyways, it was so funny. But like, I love it a joy injection, right? Like from moment to moment, you can experience different things. And I think that's what you were just mentioning. And when we get clear on you know, what is that in a moment even? You know, I? Yeah, like for all means write down a list of things that makes you happy, like, what do you do when you lose time? Right? Like, what is it? Is it painting? Do you just like get a moment of bliss out of sitting in the morning with your cup of coffee and feeling the warmth of your hand I feel like it's VD, the intentionality behind what you choose. That matters most. Right? You didn't order that Blizzard, because it's good for you and you feel great after having it. You're at the blizzard because the idea of getting a cookie dough pleasant delivered, and being able to eat it just felt like a moment of bliss, a moment of joy. And that is the thing. So we can't in one moment, it's hard to feel duality at the same time. And that's why people always say you can't feel sadness and happiness at the same time. But you can from moment to moment, and that moment could be 30 seconds, you're happy and 30 seconds, you're sad. And you know, as and we have been starting to talking a little bit about our human design and bringing that conversation into to what we are and this is your energetics. And I feel like there was there was a lot of wisdom that comes with that. And I'm what they call an emotional authority. So I go for all these like, emotional wave. So honoring my emotions has been a big, big lesson for me. But I literally can be like, think of this as like Jekyll and Hyde. Like I can be in like full on one moment, and then the next moment, I could literally get hit by something that makes me really sad and start crying like it's it's kind of ridiculous. But what I've learned is that that is okay. Right? So when you choose what makes what brings you joy, when you start to get clear on what that is, what ends up happening is it's not about suppressing your emotions or feeling sad about something like a loss. But it is literally choosing for one moment to connect you with something that you hold dear. That brings you a different emotion that lives at a different frequency.

Yes, oh my gosh. Maybe this year, we should dive into human design a bit more because I'm really curious about it. So I'm at the beginning of my spiritual awakening, I'm having this journey it was It started off slow and it's really ramping up. And what I've really realized is that my heart chakra is close, like My heart shattered when I was a kid and putting those pieces together and then cracking it open. And I'm doing a you know, doing a lot of work, a lot of intuitive work, a lot of work with meditation. I had a really special experience maybe I'll share with you in a second this week. But you know, I'm realizing that I have a lot of work to do in my human design. I think I what is it I'm just I don't know as much as Teresa but like I have a sacral so,

so bless you and I are both manifesting generators. Yes, a three, five profile but you are a sacral authority, and I'm an emotional authority which basically means that you don't ride emotional waves like I do, let's just put it up like I am like, on I am always like and again like I don't teach Human Design. I'm just like I'm like curious about it. I bring it into my coaching for reaches more understanding where the other person is coming through because it actually helps me figure out what strategies might be working for them or what tools they have to have in place to feel more comfortable and confident to show up in their business. So I really use it as a as a tool, if you will, to help me understand other people better because it's helped me understand myself better. But basically, for you, it just means you get in you get intuitive hits. Yeah, and you know, and when you do, you're supposed to move, whereas I get intuitive hits. But then I got to ride out the emotional wave that can come with that. And I actually mine I have like three energy centers, it's called, they're all they all defined for me. And so I literally I can, I can get ahead and go through an emotional wave. And then I have to wait until I feel the intuitive hit again before making a decision. And or sometimes I have an emotional wave, and then I get the hidden and I connect with my spleen to really sink into Is it a yes? Or is it a no?

Yeah. And I think that's where we're different. And it's funny, because whenever I don't, so being sacral means like, I listen to my gut. And whenever I don't listen to my gut, and always backfires. And so I'm getting a lot better at listening to my gut and not being so reactive, and like taking time to make decisions and listening to my gut and making sure you know, I, you know, understand what my, you know, intuition is telling me and back to the chakra conversation I've learned, like my heart chakra is blocked, so I need to work on opening it. But not just that, but my Sacral Chakra is actually blocked as well, which I found really interesting because I'm a sacral authority, but my Sacral Chakra is blocked. So I have a lot of work to do. And so I think 2022 Yes, I've picked words like my, my feelings I want to feel this year, at the end of 2022, I really want to feel pleasure, I want to feel really fulfilled, everything I do brings me joy makes me feel really fulfilled. I don't feel like there's chaos or busyness. And I want to really live in a place of magnetism where I'm attracting the right people and opportunities to my life. And part of that is about the spiritual awakening on. So I think what we'll do is this throughout the year, just take our listeners on the journey of where I am in my spiritual awakening journey. And this week, I met with a friend, actually, she could be cool to be on this podcast. She's I knew from high school, she's an intuitive, and she did an intuitive reading with me. And she was really special. She channeled a message from my mom, which was like, things that she would have never known like this person Fallon, she, she would have never known that my mom would have said specific things that she channeled. But she was giving me some tips and some mantras. And what I realized is that, like, I can't feel love. Like I know, like, if you tell me you love me, or that you're proud of me, I know it like I mentally like can understand that, but I can't feel it. And I really want this year to be the year that I feel pleasure that I feel love. And that has to do with opening my sacral and my Sacral Chakra like the sacral area, and has to do with opening my heart. And so the mantra she gave me was I am worthy of receiving love. And so something happened that's never happened to me before. And I've been doing yoga and meditating off and on since 2005. And I haven't really meditating has been a challenge for me, I have a lot of chatter that goes on. But since I've started the spiritual awakening, it's been a lot more powerful. And I was in the bath, I had a candlelit bath, and I put on some music and I decided to try to meditate. So I helped put my hands over my heart. And I started chanting to myself, like I'm worthy of receiving love. And I went into this like meditative state and I started crying. I started releasing, so my heart started healing and cracking open at the same time. And it was so amazing. So I'm, it just for me gave me hope. Like it gave me this feeling of like, I'm on the right path. And I can feel and I can feel love and I got a I got a heal eight year old Blair. And so while I build my business, and while I, you know, grow and empower people, and you know, as we grow this podcast, I'm going to be doing this work in the background for me. And so I'm excited to share this journey with all of you.

I love that plant. And thank you for sharing that I know, there's a lot of full, full notability that's going on on sharing these things as well and these journeys and you know, I think that I mean, being on a spiritual journey generally like I continue to go deeper and deeper and deeper on that. So I'm excited for us to bring that element into, you know, what success means and how it contributes. But one thing that I sort of two things actually that I want to highlight around, you know what you said first thing came to my mind was actually, you know, we started this podcast, because we started to be like What does success actually mean? And dissecting its meaning because it's so one sided. And the thing that came to mind was that love is so similar to that. So what does love actually mean to you? You know, I feel like that could be a powerful question to explore for you, for me, for all of us, maybe because sometimes we think of love. And we really think of it very, like superficially, right as like, Oh, love means like, I'm in a relationship with somebody. Do you not mean like, but love? It's, I mean, it's so much more than I have to do something like I want to, I actually want to explore that myself. Because just as you were talking, that thought came in. And the second thing around that is that when we do the deep inner work, when we start to open ourselves up more spiritually, to what's around us, but also understanding on how do how does, it's video, energy, everything's energy, right? Like, everything is energy, including who we are. So our energetic being the way we show up, the way we do things, when we fine tune our own frequency, right. And that's what you were talking about magnetism and calling, calling in what you want to call in, and I'm right there with you. And I can feel 2022 Like my words are abundance and overflow. And I can feel just from that focus, how things are shifting. But these practices of energetically open ourselves up to receiving more of what we want, while at the same time honoring them the duality and the tough moments because they'll still come right like to open your heart to heal your heart to VD. And I'm doing this heart opening as I'm like, literally, like on this and

opening her hearts and her putting

my heart But to do that, and still honor the fact that there'll be times when it doesn't feel like and it doesn't mean we have to close it back up. It doesn't you know what I mean? Like you can go and do a lot of healing and still experience stuff and you can continue to be on that healing path. And that is VD, that duality piece because you will

I feel like we should write a song about duality. It's great. You know what, what an awesome chat this is. This is awesome. We did it. We did a whole year of dissecting, we're gonna go a little deeper this year, we're gonna dissect deeper for you to dissect love even. I'm excited about this journey because, you know, success. You know, I still don't have an answer for what success is because it changes all the time. And we'll never have that answer. But going deep cracking open those chakras opening up those you know realms of possibilities are going to allow us to explore the different meanings of success and love and abundance and everything that we desire. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of dissecting success. I'm Blair Kaplan Venables and I am worthy of receiving love. I'm with my fabulous co host Teresa Lambert, who's also worthy of receiving love and she receives love way better than me because she is a what is it? I'm gonna say girl in your

yeah, see this is not how it works but there's no better receiving or less receiving at all, no, no, but

what was your human design way you make decisions but

anyway, no decisions at all. Were born lovey, are born worthy. And we all ultimately love in human form. So

we are Love. I Am Love. You are Love. We are really worthy of receiving we are worthy of giving. Thank you for tuning in. Peace

that's a wrap for another episode of dissecting success. enjoyed this episode. Make sure to subscribe to black Hebron, Venables and Theresa Lambert's podcast dissecting success on the App Store.