4 Ways to Practice Self-Love | GR113

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Okay, let's talk about love, and a specific form of

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love. self love. Now, don't roll your eyes and tell yourself,

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that's not for me. I tried it, I looked in the mirror, I told

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myself, I love myself, then really work? Well, it's not easy

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to love yourself, I completely give you that. But it's also not

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impossible. Now, you may not even know how much you love

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yourself. So let's do a little test. Think about a person, or

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an animal that you deeply love. And you really feel like yeah, I

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have a very close connection to this creature. Feel that

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feeling? And then on a scale from one to 10? How strong is

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his feeling? 10 being the strongest one the weakest? Give

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it a number. And then think about yourself. Think about how

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much do I love myself? Do you have a similar feeling? And what

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number would you give that feeling? Now chances are that

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that number is way lower than the number for the person that

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you really love and appreciate. Why is that? Why do we have such

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a hard time loving ourselves? Now personally, I think it has a

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lot to do with self love being not something we are taught how

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to do the same thing with feeling good about yourself

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feeling confident, often our peers, teachers, parents set us

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more up for making us humble, not feeling too proud, too good,

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because that may be seen as arrogant. And that has then

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also, of course, an effect on self love. But imagine for a

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moment that you are stuck with a person 20 473 175 days or longer

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per year, until the very last breath you take. Wouldn't it be

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better to not fight this person to not be always in conflict or

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down on that person, but somehow learn to appreciate, maybe start

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with accept, and then eventually love that person. I mean, our

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relationship with ourselves is the one that should be the most

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precious, the most important one.

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But in contrast to that, most of us are really struggling with

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that relationship with ourselves. Because we are

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telling ourselves, well, I should be thinner, I shouldn't

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get old, I should be more successful, I should be more fun

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I should be you name it, there's so much that we are telling

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ourselves is wrong with us. And that is the wall that we are

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building between us and self love. So how do we create more

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self love? How do we make self love our new default setting?

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Well, as I said, it's not as easy as having a little light

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switch that you turn on. And then all of a sudden, you feel

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all these warm, fuzzy feelings about yourself. But I have been

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teaching people to love themselves for almost 20 years.

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And what I've found is it's absolutely not only doable, it's

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in evitable if you do the right steps, and I want to share four

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of those steps with you today. Because I think we all can do

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those. And we can all ultimately implement those. It's about

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building a relationship. You know how you have to build a

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relationship with a new person in your life and eventually

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trust that person. And you trust that person through gaining

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evidence and positive experiences. It's the same thing

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about self love. You have to build it gradually and you have

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to work on it. Just like in any and every relationship every

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day. Put a little bit more focus and energy into it. And

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eventually your self love becomes a rock solid. Okay.

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Let's start with it. The first step is letting go of resistance

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to loving yourself and instead accepting yourself I know that

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sounds really hard. And for some of you, it may sound like hey, I

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could climb Mount Everest in, in flip flops, but that I don't

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think it's possible. Well, when you really think about self

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acceptance, it's ultimately not that you are immediately saying,

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Oh, yes, I appreciate everything that I have for everything I am.

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It's simply finding peace with it, and, and finding a way to

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befriend yourself gradually, with what you have. And for

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that, you need to stop undermining that what is

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ultimately creating self acceptance. to think through the

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course of the day, how often Your mind is bashing you, how

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often you are telling yourself negative things, how often

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you're comparing yourself with others, how often you're looking

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through other people's eyes, at yourself. This is how you give

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your power away. This is how you disconnect from yourself. And

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this is how you ultimately become either a stranger or even

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an enemy to yourself. So self acceptance is a step forward

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toward self love. And it's a very important step, to really

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see that I have no other choice, then to find peace with myself,

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because otherwise, I will live in constant struggle in war with

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myself. It's the step of I choose peace, over conflict. And

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for that, you just have to also realize that whatever I'm

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telling myself, I would never tell anyone I love and care

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about whatever I compare myself with, I would never dare to do

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this to my partner to my sibling or my parents. I only do this to

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myself. For next time you notice that you are, again, undermining

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your self acceptance, simply tell yourself No, I'm not doing

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this. This is not fair to me. And instead, think about one or

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two things that actually are something you accept about

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whatever you criticized, you know, let's say you're feeling

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like, Oh, I'm a loser because I have such a miserable job. And

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then you're asking yourself, Well, does it really build self

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acceptance? Of course it doesn't. So you stop yourself

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and you tell yourself No, I actually appreciate I accept

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about this job that I am showing up that I'm doing myself that I

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am someone who is trying to be self responsible and self

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reliant and make money even though it's not my passion.

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The beauty about self acceptance is that it also then opens you

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up for the possibility of change of doing better. Because I'm not

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saying that self acceptance or self love is automatically

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saying, Well, I'm done. No more work to do. I'm just saying that

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if you accept yourself, you are more able to then say with this

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energy, that you're not wasting and fighting yourself, what can

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I do better? How can I make a change? How can I progress, and

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that's certainly much easier from a place of self acceptance,

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then from a safe place of self rejection. Now a simple exercise

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that I have been doing many years now and that I find, also

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my clients are really benefiting from is to simply greet yourself

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with openness and a friendly smile, to looking in the mirror

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in the morning when you see yourself Yes, maybe you have a

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messy hair and maybe you're not really at your finest but just

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looking at yourself. Like you would see a very nice friend or

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a beloved person with a smile. Hi. So nice to see you. So glad

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you're here. Have a great day. You know what happens

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physiologically when you are grading yourself from this

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acceptance place? Or from that friendly nurse and from that

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kindness is that your mind is really feeling like okay,

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obviously that person that he or she sees is someone that is

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liked is embraced is accepted. Just by smiling and saying

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something friendly with the right tone of voice. The

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feedback in your mind is okay, that person is okay. It is safe

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to be that person and something inside changes rather than grim.

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submit yourself, rather than avoiding looking at yourself,

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start the day with that openness. And this is how you

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gradually build self acceptance. So self acceptance is letting go

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of always putting yourself down. It is about thinking how you

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would not do this to anybody else, finding something else

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that you find good about whatever you have been, in that

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moment criticizing yourself for shifted around. And then in the

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morning, grade yourself, and also when you go to bed and

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brush your teeth, same thing, oh, I hope you had a great day,

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I heard you did this. And that, I hope that was fun. Just have a

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little, even though it may silly, friendly conversation

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with your mirror image. And this way, find there is an openness

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of the mind and a calmness of the mind to see you and to

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recognize you as a friend, and not any longer as an adversary.

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So that's number one. Number two is explore yourself, you know

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how in any relationship while you start going on a date. And

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usually you pick, you know, coffee, or drinks or laid on

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maybe going for dinner? And that's the beginning. But then

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you are exploring. So what are the interests that you can

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share? Or what are the things that are, you know, maybe

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exciting for both of you. There has been a study that actually

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showed that couples that have been together for a while those

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that have a good relationship continuously build this

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relationship on new experiences, new exciting experiences, like

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finding a new hobby, or traveling or creating something

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new together, that exploration is creating a bond between two

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people. Now that exploration can also create a bond inside of us.

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So rather than always being in this, well, this is who I am.

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And this is how I'm supposed to be like a client of mine who

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said, Well, I am known and loved for being bubbly and fun and

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always positive and always there for other people life of the

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party. And then at some point, she realized that's only a very

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small fraction of who I am. And there is something much deeper

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and more introvert and quieter inside of me. And I never dare

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to really go there and explore it until she had a bout of

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depression. And then she was kind of forced to just, it's

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almost like lock herself in and look at herself in a new way.

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And what she found out was that she just love stillness. She

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loves actually to be in nature and just sit and even meditate.

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She loves to contemplate and not have to talk or be always up.

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And that side of her she learned more and more to appreciate as

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her sensitive site. And it's also the side that she felt was

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much more intuitive and helped her much more to move forward in

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life and seek out for things that are more purposeful and

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meaningful for her. So that exploration of what she didn't

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know or in the past hadn't really except it helped her to

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feel much closer to herself.

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You get to not find who you are in your comfort zone. And we are

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always way more than we think we are. There's always so much more

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to us to discover. I in fact believe that self discovery is

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one of the biggest and most important purposes in life to

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really figure out more and more, what gifts, what talents, what

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beautiful inner resources we have. And so what I would

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suggest in order to create more self love, just explore yourself

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more, understand more your preferences, what you're drawn

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to what you're good at what you know, your piques your interest,

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open yourself up and make your life interesting. So many people

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struggle with self love because they don't get love from the

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outside. And so basically, for the lack of a relationship with

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somebody else, they also feel like they shouldn't have a

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relationship with himself. But if you're alone, if you're not

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in a relationship, there is nothing more important than the

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relationship with yourself. To just treat yourself from now on,

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like someone that you want to know know better that you want

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to learn to know better and more intimately and explore what your

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heart, your mind, your spirit, your body, really enjoy. And

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that, again will create a stronger foundation of

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connection with yourself. The third step is appreciating

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yourself. Now appreciating yourself is something that most

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of us have a hard time. I was told when I really felt good

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about myself because I was when I started high school, a D

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student. In all sudden I was a best in class, not without

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sleepless nights and a lot of anxiety. But somehow I mustered

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up the strength and the resilience to, to really work

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hard. And when I really boasted about luck, I have all A's, my

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parents only said, Well, you know, you're doing this for

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yourself, don't feel too good about yourself. People think

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you're arrogant, and no one likes arrogant. So that bashed

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myself appreciation quite a bit. And from that on point on, I

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always kind of, you know, understated any of my successes,

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just because I felt Oh, no, I don't want other people think

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that I'm conceited, or that I'm looking down on them, which I

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never did.

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So appreciation, self appreciation is a is a power,

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kind of an art form, that most of us have to learn what I

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suggest. And actually today, just the client told me about

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how she uses this every day and how it really changed her life.

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Write down three things you appreciate about yourself every

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day. And I suggest for you to appreciate different aspects of

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yourself on that day, meaning like not in general, like, Well,

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I appreciate that I'm smart, I am appreciating that I'm a hard

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worker, I'll leave you know this already. It's really nothing

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new, it doesn't really evoke any emotions inside of you. It's

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kind of boring. So you want to be specific on that day. What

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about that day? Did you really feel good about yourself? If

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this would be somebody else you would tell them good job, thank

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you so much, or give them a compliment. So what is it about

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you and it doesn't have to be very big, can be small. But it

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needs to be something that creates a warm feeling inside of

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you. So appreciate your body. Maybe you were really, you know,

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dragging yourself to the gym, and then you were still somehow

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making it through a whole class and you were actually able to,

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you know, succeed and feel like Well, my body actually followed

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through, even though I didn't feel like it. So I appreciate

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the strength of my body. Or maybe you were sick for a while

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and your body recovered. That one thing to appreciate, maybe

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you could appreciate your mind because there was a problem at

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work and you found the solution. Or maybe you appreciate your

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mind that you had a great idea how to, you know, make a friend

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happy for their birthday. Appreciate your hearts, because

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maybe you were very kind on this day, calmly and patiently

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listening to someone that you know, open their heart and share

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their grievance with you. Or maybe you just were able with

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your heart for a moment to find peace. There is all this noise

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around you and you were just sitting in this little bubble of

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peace and, and just felt compassion for the whole world.

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To all possible, those little moments of yourself that you

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could really appreciate, may show up way more often than you

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think it's just a matter of taking note of it, and then

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writing it down. And this way you are collecting evidence

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about your goodness, evidence of who you really are at the core

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and that this is a warm, caring, strong, loving person. And yes,

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again, there may be things you think, Oh, I wish I could do

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this better, or I wish I could change that and that's all

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possible. But appreciation is such a better baseline, to feel

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motivated to make change, then self criticism. So now you

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accept you are exploring more who you are. You're appreciating

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yourself more deeply every day. These are all really good habits

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to have. And the fourth one that leads to self love is treating

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yourself as if you would be your own person. They're your own

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Beloved, indulge yourself. And indulging yourself is what we do

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when we love someone, you know, there is a saying we care for

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those we love. So if you start caring for yourself and

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wondering, Oh, I wish I could give myself this, you know, a

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nice massage or a foot rub, or, Wow, this looks so great. This

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whole plate of fresh berries. Yes, I know it's a little

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expensive, but it really will make me happy.

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There is this whole love language, you know, research at

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most, you may know that there are five specific love

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languages, words of affirmation, quality, time, physical touch,

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gifts, and acts of service. And usually, what we want to give

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others would be a naturally good at giving to others, is what

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also makes us feel really loved. But think about it. Let's say

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for example, you really love to give gifts. How stingy? Are you

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with yourself? Are you really generous and say yeah, I love

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that sweater, I gonna bide myself for my birthday, great.

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Probably not. So give yourself your love language, maybe it is

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about touch, and then get touched. You know, go somewhere

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where you feel like yeah, I have a great cranial sacrum or I have

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an acupuncture, whatever feels good to you, that makes you feel

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pampered and attended to quality time. Take yourself on a date.

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Take yourself to the movies, or maybe even go and you know, find

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a little vacation a getaway that you can just indulge yourself

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in. I do this every year, every year, I go for three or four

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days to Germany by myself, just to indulge myself, see some

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friends go to the spa. And just feel like I can pamper myself,

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and really nourishes my relationship with myself. And I

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think that's something that we owe to ourselves. Because when

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we really think about how hard our mind and our body and our

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our heart are working every day, we are not giving enough back.

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And that is often where the relationships are falling apart

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with other people, when we are not acknowledging how much we

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really do. Embrace and love whatever this relationship

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brings into our life. So this whole idea of indulging yourself

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and in celebrating yourself and giving back to yourself is

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again, adding to that what you ultimately want, which is to

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love yourself. See these four steps. They're not rocket

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science, they are basically based on what we naturally do

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with others. Maybe, you know, it has been a while that you were

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in a relationship that I know that you have loved and I know

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that you were loved. And if you really just follow those tracks

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and think about this is what I did. And this is what others did

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for me in order to feel loved. You just start to do very

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similar things with yourself. And you avoid those that you

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know are breaking that love that trust undermining this feeling

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of closeness. I don't believe that self love is something that

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will happen overnight. It may start with this acceptance, it

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may even start with just the desire to do better, and to

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maybe start respecting yourself. And as you are following those

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steps and gradually building more and more an understanding

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of who you are of your brilliance and really feeling

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more and more that you can nurture yourself with positive

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thoughts and appreciation. And then also giving yourself these

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little gifts of time or real gifts or anything that you

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desire so that you feel I can be the source of joy, of happiness

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of pleasure to myself, that relationship to yourself. You

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may not think immediately as Oh, I love myself, but you will feel

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close to yourself. You will feel connected to yourself and you

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actually will feel that you are becoming your closest and best

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friend. And that is a worthy goal to pursue and certainly