The Domestic/Business Balancing Act

All time is created equal, which is really interesting to think about it in terms of what like why so many women end up leaving the workforce, because they're doing a direct math comparison between, well, my salary will only cover just cover childcare. And we're saying that, you know, that's all that your job is worth to you is like the number that it gets, which is not even true, right? Like my job. And the work that I do is not just for the money that I make, it's for the way that it makes me feel I have a purpose in this world and that I'm able to have independence.

This is the Entrepreneur School Podcast where we believe you can run a thriving business and still make your family of priority. This show is all about supporting you the emerging or early stage Entrepreneur on your journey from solopreneur to CEO, while wearing all of the other hats in your life. My name is Kelly Sinclair, and I'm a brand and marketing strategist who started a business with two kids under three. I'm a corporate PR girl turned entrepreneur after I learned the hard way that life is too short to waste doing things that burn you out. On this show, you'll hear inspiring stories from other business owners on their journey, and learn strategies to help you grow a profitable business, while making it all fit into the life that you want. Welcome to Entrepreneur School.

Hello, this is one of my behind the scenes episodes that I like to call entrepreneurship in real life, where I share a little bit about sort of what is top of mind for me what I'm focusing on, or struggling with, and maybe a little bit of all of those things inside of an episode. And this one is in particular, I have to shout out one of our listeners, because hey, Aaron, I was inspired by yours and my conversation because we had the pleasure of meeting each other in real life at a networking event recently. And first. Before I even go into like what the conversation was all about and what I want to share on the podcast today, I want to acknowledge that Erin had a massive win that she shared with me. And I was so happy to hear that she had implemented something that she heard on the show about pitching media and that she actually landed herself on the front page of a local magazine. So congrats, that is epic. That is huge. And I want you all to know, listeners that absolutely love hearing about your wins for the show. So please know my Instagram DMS are truly always open. And it would love to hear if you are having takeaways, or implementing or trying things that you heard from me or any of the guests, it sometimes is a little bit lonely speaking into the void of this microphone in my basement. And I love getting feedback from you.

So doors open. So Aaron and I were chatting about the event and truly what sort of the value of our time is and how we each battle with that. And as moms, we are constantly juggling so many roles. And each of them seems to be in direct competition with the other. Right. So I actually want to acknowledge that it is truly challenging to prioritize your business sometimes a lot of the time, in fact, and and especially to be able to go to events, because that requires an extreme amount of coordination for you know, where are the kids going? And how who's gonna go to an activity? And how am I supposed to get them there? Aaron told me she had to coordinate for different people in order to be able to attend that event. So that is an epic level of commitment. And not something as easy. So way to go and shout out to all of you who are doing the most to get yourself out there and put yourself out there and be in positions like this. And truly it's it's not even just about going to events, but about being able to focus on your business when you are also having to think about what's for dinner and who's gonna have a sleepover and the PD requests that are coming into your phone and did we buy Halloween costume? Did the dog eat the kids Halloween wig? Yes, she did. So no, we have to buy another one another story for another day. But all of these things are going on in your mind constantly. And so it was really interesting that after having that conversation, another friend of mine sent an email out and mentioned a book that she was reading which I think I had heard about before and it's called fairplay by Eve rods II. And I crushed this audio book in the last in under a week, I listened to it in like four days. And I want to share some of the takeaways from that book and how truly like, after listening to it, it caused me to want to create an entirely new system for managing my domestic life. So figuring out how to manage everything that's going on and engaged my husband and figure out who's going to be doing what in like, really take true ownership all over all of the different activities that have to happen on a daily basis in order to make our lives work with our very active children, our his job, my business, the two dogs that we have all of the things to just like, you know, make sure we have clean clothes and food on the table and all that kind of stuff. And actually thinking about it in terms of a system for domestic responsibility, it sounds super nerdy, and I am super into it. In fact, I've even like made an entire Trello board about how we're actually going to do this. So I will say that we are just getting started on the implementation. And I would love to do another episode, after we've got it rolling a little more smoothly. But I do want to just share, like what I'm excited about, and what some of the key takeaways from the book were so that you can maybe think about how to implement some of these things into your life if this feels like something that is causing strain for you right now.

So first of all, the the the interesting thing about the book is that she started out by talking about like, kind of like being pissed off at her husband. And she created what she called the shit I do list just to keep track of everything that she's doing all the time that he doesn't even necessarily know exists. And this is called Invisible labor. And that means it's all the stuff that you're doing that nobody even really recognizes.

And when I heard this concept, it just felt like so validating, because it was like, Yes, I am always thinking about all of these things like, did we get groceries this week, are we gonna run out of coffee cream tomorrow, like, I have a return that needs to go back to Amazon or whatever. All those things are constantly going through my mind, which is distracting from whatever it is I'm actually focusing on at the time. So invisible labor is a real thing. And we all struggle with it and suffer from it. And this is where like, kind of the idea of getting all the cards on the table helps you to have a conversation if you especially if you have a partner in your household who can support you or even thinking about who can help you with some of these things. So the should I do list turned into a series of interviews that she did with women around the world on what they are focusing on and the things that they're struggling with. And it ultimately landed her with 100 asks, that are required to run a household. And she put them into she totally gamified it, which is why I'm like super excited about it. She put them into cards into suits. So there's five different suits. And it kind of is a breakdown of all of the different parts of your household, and having kids in particular. So I think there's 40 of them that are specific to children and the other 60 are just like everyday living sort of things. And some of them also I think 30 of all out of the 100 are what she calls daily grinds. So things like doing the dishes, meal planning, kids lunches, things that just have to happen, like every single day that can feel super monotonous. And if you're the person responsible for that, it can drive you crazy, right?

So the idea is that every single task that has to happen in your house requires three components in order to make it happen. In the she calls it CPE. So conception, planning and execution. And this is where I think I know for sure I go wrong. And where I think a lot of people go wrong is that we think that we are you know, getting help when we ask somebody to help us with the execution. So I could be like in charge of meals, and I could have gotten the groceries done the meal plan and then just asked my husband to like boil the water or click the dinner or didn't want to use to get HelloFresh is as I get him to like assemble the dinner. And that doesn't really take anything off of your plate because You've still done all of the heavy lifting, which was all of the conception and the planning of the activity. So the concept here is that if somebody is going to take charge of a task that they have to do all three of those steps conception planning and execution, which of course means you have to let go of some of your control, which is challenging for me to give full ownership to somebody. So interesting, because one of the cards is like, like, they're not all like cards that nobody wants. So one of the cards is social activities, or social planning for couples. So this would be like Brent and I are hanging out with some of our friends on the weekend. And while one of our friends texted this week, and she group texted both of us, but Brent was holding the card, because he was already sort of trying to coordinate something with another friend to have dinner together. And so I just didn't respond to the text. Because I was waiting for him to determine whether we were going somewhere else and try not to, like get involved, just be like, Yeah, this is my schedule, I would be happy to hang out with whoever. And if we're going to do that your job, as the person holding that card is to make the arrangements and get the Child Care and tell me where to show up, basically. So that was kind of funny, seeing how it works in implementation. And the other thing to keep track of on each of these cards, is that knowing that it's going to be truly a situational or at your discretion. What's the word I'm looking for? Subjective, thank you. What it actually means to complete that task to a level that is matches the standard of for your family. So having to agree upon what she calls in the book, the minimum standard of care. So like, if you don't care if the dishes are done every single day, like what does that look like? So I'm not super, like, needs everything to be put away and in the dishwasher and back on the shelves and everything and have my counters clear all the time I live in my house and it doesn't bother me. So I specified or we specified together for the dishes card, and Brent holds the dishes card, that the counter can be full of dirty dishes up to like this one section of the counter only. And that every single day, my main cooking appliances need to be clean. So I need to clean coffee pot, I need to clean blender I need to clean airfryer every day. And if the big like walk has been used and needs to be washed. So if he doesn't want to deal with the rest of the dishes, and all the stupid things that we have to hand wash, Fine, keep those out. And you can do them every other day. But that's sort of how we define the minimum standard of care for that. So I am like super nerding out about this. Like I said, I created all Trello boards so that we could keep track of who has what card. And in fact, there are physical cards that you can purchase, along with the book to be able to like see it visually, if that helps, and see what like, what cards you're holding and how long you're gonna hold it for. But the idea is that you really start the conversation and get more clarity about all of the pieces, because there is a value for every single thing that needs to be done in order to make your life work. And I think that's what the real problem was before for me is that I wasn't feeling like these things were that I was doing were valuable. And one of the key things that the author says in the book is that all time is created equal, which is really interesting to think about it in terms of what like why so many women end up leaving the workforce, because they're doing a direct math comparison between Well, my salary will only cover just cover childcare. And we're saying that, you know, that's all that your job is worth to you is like the number that it gets, which is not even true, right? Like my job. And the work that I do is not just for the money that I make, it's for the way that it makes me feel I have a purpose in this world, and that I'm able to have independence and contribution and things for myself, for my family for the people that I serve for you listening to this podcast, for example, all of those things. And so that's really like where I think I was struggling. And if you feel the same like that you're driving your kids around and prepping all this stuff and doing all these things and it feels like it's going unnoticed, then perhaps this book could be a really great tool for you to be able to have that conversation and not in a way that maybe some of us want to which is like oh look at all the stuff that I do and and truly how the author even started off by saying Like, I can't even believe that I do all this stuff and you don't appreciate me or whatever, because everybody shows their appreciation differently. And I know our husbands are all on a bit of a spectrum in terms of the way that that maybe comes across. But this is one of the areas where like I even though my husband, actually truly, I love you, darling, you're very great at trying to point these things out and say like, he says, to me, things like, our kids wouldn't get to have the life that we want them to have, if you weren't able to take them to their activities at like four in the afternoon like this. I truly do not understand how a family with two full time working parents, and also like sharing custody and challenges like that, that you're experiencing how it even is possible. So my hat's off to all of you. And I am truly grateful for the opportunity to be able to do the things even though when they annoy me like driving and being at the Rec Center for four days of the week, four out of five days of the week was the weekends, let's not even talk about how many hockey games I watch in the week.

So just reminding yourself and for me, reminding myself that these are valuable contributions that I give to my family. And having that conversation that true like awareness level, and being able to set a new standard for our Brent and I are each going to contribute to our family, and what that looks like so that it feels equitable, which is the goal. It's not about, like, you know, each having the same number of cards, but deciding what like fits for each of us in terms of our own availability and capabilities. Because you know, the truth is, he's just not going to learn how to cook that's just not on, he's not interested, he doesn't want it, he hates it, we actually started before we even started this conversation, we started by making a list of things that we'd like love to do that make us excited or happy things that are like whatever, I don't really mind, I don't care if I'll get the mail, it doesn't bother me, or like, cooking doesn't bother me groceries, don't bother me. But then there's also a whole noblest of like, if I have to do that one more time, like I might lose my mind. And so we have, like, you know, cleaning and things that we really don't like over there. And then that was like the start of the conversation. So finding a happy medium where people are generally satisfied and for anything that nobody likes doing. How do we deal with that? Like it if it has to be done? If it is, in fact, something that's required in order to make our lives work? Can we outsource it kinda like we pay for something else to happen? Or can we like, how do we just do it differently. And that is another challenge where it maybe requires you to do something out of the norm or behave in a way that quotes not norm, like not acceptable or expected, there's so many expectations that are put on us by society and all of that even like, even when I said to my dad that I you know, I'm not doing the dishes, and he thinks that I should because I'm the woman and I'm not doing the dishes that and my lovely husband will do the dishes, he doesn't mind doing the dishes, he watches some podcast or whatever, at the same time. So breaking the mold a little bit is part of it. And there may be pushback. But all that really matters is that you have that agreement and that you're on the same page with your partner or whoever you have to support you in running your household. So I just wanted to share a little bit of this behind the scenes because it's like what I've been focusing on, mostly for the last week or so. And I will give an update as we implement it more, if you want I will take I'll link the book in the show notes so that you can see what it is I have no affiliation to it whatsoever. But I don't read a lot of books and more than I do. And I found this one so easy to follow even audibly. So listen to the audiobook, I just am gushing about it. So I want everyone to know this. And I'm like trying to get all my girlfriends to read it. So we can have like a more in depth conversation about how we're implementing it in our lives. If that's something that you're interested in doing. So seems like a really great resource and I wanted to share it and give you that update and spend a little bit of time talking a bit more about like the behind the scenes and just a reminder, we're not on this show. We don't just talk strategies for growing your business but actually like tools and experiences that help you to manage your life as an entrepreneur and as a parent. So that's really what this one was all about. Then, of course, you can always connect with me. I truly feel like you know, I really do want you to send message and tell me if you listen to this or any other episode because that makes me so happy. And I love connecting with listeners. And if you have other ideas for other podcast episodes NEMA for that I would love to do more audience inspired episodes where if you have a question or you have something that you're struggling with, and I can maybe share a perspective or a similar experience, that is what we are here for on entrepreneur school. Take care, and I will catch you next time.

You did it you just listen to another episode of the Entrepreneur School Podcast. It's like you just went to business school while you folded your laundry, prep dinner, or picked up your kids at school. Thank you so much for being here. I want to personally celebrate your commitment to growing your business. You can imagine I'm throwing confetti for you right now. If you enjoyed today's episode, please leave us a review. Make sure you're subscribed and let us know you're listening by screenshotting this episode, and tagging us on Instagram, head to entrepreneurschool.ca for tons of tools and resources to help you grow your business while keeping your family a priority. You can subscribe to our email list and join our community. And until next time, go out there and do the thing.