Recovery and Personality Characteristics

Hello and welcome to the show. I am your host, Joseph Devlin, and today we're going to continue reading out of chapter eight of my book a step out of darkness. So let's get at it. Remember the phrase recovery is a lifelong process. Just because the formal treatment program is complete does not mean everyone is all better. Your loved one may not have ingested a substance in their body for a period of time, but there are some personality characteristics that need to be worked out. Otherwise, they tend to return to their addictive substance more than tend to is almost a guarantee. A key principle is that the addiction was the solution to life's problems. There is a need to build other solutions into their lives so they can address the problems life will throw at them. This is not meant to scare you. Recovery literature says a person has recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body, and that is true. However, it is more accurate to say addiction to something has been put into remission. If a clean and sober individual were to pick back up again, they would quickly return to a hopeless state of mind, body and spirit. Our goal is not only to help the addict to stop ingesting substances, but to be happy and free in their mind as well. Remember, this is a disease that affects the mind, body and spirit. A powerful suggestion I have for you is to start writing a gratitude list every day. For three and a half years, I wrote a gratitude list every morning of 10 things for which I was grateful. While sitting down with my cup of coffee, I would take two minutes and write out I am grateful for blank, because blank the things I was grateful for at any moment could range from the color blue to music to my relationship with God. During this period of my life, people consistently asked me why I was so happy, not knowing what to tell people I would say thank you and engage in conversations about my daily routines and their daily routines, I realized that I had different view of life, and I was not really sure why, but I believe it had to do with a combination of factors that included routines like this. So at three and a half year years sober, what did I do? That's right, I stopped writing my gratitude list that took me no more than two minutes every morning. I cannot see it at the time, but my attitude gradually started to change from a positive attitude to an ah, that's life mentality. From this attitude, I would find myself seeing the negative in most situations first. I'm happy to say that when I started writing this book, I began writing a gratitude list again. Mostly every day, I know it works and I know it changes the way I see the world. However, there are days that I still say I don't want to do it. It takes too much time to write that down. I am slowly working on getting better myself. Slow and steady, wins the race, and people who make gratitude lists do better than those who don't. We can build on the momentum you have created reading the book thus far. Embrace this moment and write in the space below 10 things you are grateful for it. You can do this, and I know you can. I will help you start writing your first two sentences. I am grateful for blank because blank. I am grateful for blank because blank. Okay, I'm going to stop reading the book right now. I'm

and I want to focus in on changing like this personality characteristics, and really it ties into this concept that addiction was the solution to life's problems. And I know when we're looking at our loved one and we're saying, Listen, the problem is is that they're addicted to something, and they're choosing that over everything else. They're choosing it over relationships and work and just their own even well being, however, for the addict, the solution is the addiction. So if there's a problem at work, addiction is the solution. If I'm having a problem with a relationship, hey, I can just jump into my addiction there. It's going to be a temporary solution. If my. Mindset is not right. If I'm feeling down or I'm feeling negative, I know the one thing that's going to put in my temporary solution, and that's that addiction, that thing that I'm going to partake in. Well now that that addiction has been removed, and, as I say in the book, really put into remission, once I stop acting out on the addiction, or putting that substance in my body, it's really put into remission, because if I start acting out on it again, what's going to quickly happen isn't going to stop. I'm going to start going back into old behaviors, old mindsets, and you're going to quickly see that world go back to actually a whirlwind, you know, that tornado that's going to come around and destroy everything in that person's life, as well as everything around them. So it's key, and it's essential, to begin looking at some of the the small changes that you can make to change that those characteristics, change that personality, change something from a fixed mindset, really, to a growth mindset. And I talk about a gratitude list in here, and I'll be the first one to say is that hey, as I say in the book, I did it for three and a half years, and I could quickly see throughout my day, those things I was grateful for. There's a saying that says, hey, listen, you know, a grateful heart is never going to pick up their substance. And it's because I'm looking at life in a in a different way. I could appreciate everything that was that was going on about me, whether it was a bird that landed on my windowsill, or the very fact that, hey, listen, you know, I'm driving in my car to work, like all of the little things became the big things. And it was a transition in my mind that happened over a period of time. And as I was doing this, each and every day, it became just a part of who I was now. Other small changes that I would make in my life included, you know, contacting one person in recovery every day. And what this was, was like, addiction is going to isolate an individual and, and I know many of you are familiar with that right. There's this isolation piece that came up even around your family. There's things that you didn't want to talk about, but the addiction for the individual, it's it wants them to stay isolated. So by me making the commitment that I was going to reach out to one person in recovery every day, and many times it was multiple people, but I would, you know, on the days that I was I was doing really well, I would pick up the phone and I would call people the days that I just kind of wanted to escape by and just make that contact. I'd throw, you know, I'd shoot out a text to somebody. But what it developed in me was this muscle that was consistent with saying, Okay, listen, I have other people in my life. And, you know, it was harder for me to pick up my substance and definitely call somebody, right? I didn't want to be high and call somebody. And there was also something about it that didn't feel right with me, even if I was just texting somebody. So there was this broader commitment and saying, Hey, listen, I'm going to begin letting people into my life. And the thing of it was, is I didn't really trust a lot of people, and so I had to begin building that trust as well. So just that, that other small change that I was doing was helping me get connected with other people, but also this different lifestyle that I wanted. I wanted people in my life, and I know that I'm I believe that we are all created to be in community, and we all want to be in relationship. So this was another way that I was able to reach out and get into community with people on a on a very small minute level, by taking one small action step, which at the time seemed like giant leaps and bounds. Another thing that I did was I took on the concept of being quick to point out where religious people were right. And this was big for me, see, because I know that this is the addiction, is a mind, body and spirit disease. And so if I was able to quickly point out where religious people were right, it helped me, because I was very quick to point out where people were wrong. And if I kind of jumped out there and I could see how people had convoluted religion, and how people had convoluted all kinds of spirituality. And quite frankly, for me, the worst places that happened to be was in Christianity. I didn't really know a lot of like Christians who lived out the Bible. I knew people who called themselves Christians, but I couldn't I didn't see to. Many examples of of the actual Christian in my life. So when I had made that commitment that I was anytime I was hearing somebody who was say a Christian, I would say, Okay, I'm going to point out. I'm going to in my mind, I'm going to figure out where are they right? And if this just really helps me connect with them, it helps me connect with God, but help me be more even enjoyable in conversations, I wasn't always looking to kind of pull something out or cause a problem with something, and for me, a lot of that was a lot of a deflection, always trying to figure out where people were wrong, so that necessarily, like, so for a big point of it, so that I didn't really have to look at anything that I was working on, or maybe where there might have been something wrong in my own life. So I started out doing it with spiritual folks, but then I started realizing that it happened when I was at work. Would I be, like, in team meetings, I would be like, Okay, I'm gonna point out where that person is right, like, rather than try and say, Oh, that, but that one little piece of information, you told me, you know, nine things that were great, but you mentioned one little thing that was incorrect, and that's the thing I was going to latch on to. I started latching on to, like, the other nine things that, hey, could either help me in my own practice, or that would help me with a particular client that I had, or maybe even help me connect with that individual throughout the work day or week or year. So these small little changes that I was doing were really big over time, as I compounded them and did them day after day after day I, you know, I just my whole world started to change. Life became much more enjoyable, and I started looking at things in this new light, and had such a new appreciation for things that were going on around me, whether it be my relationships or with my neighbors or at work, and it gave me a new zest for life, quite frankly. And, you know, I write in the book, and I think it's really important. It was once I started writing the book, I said, Well, wait a second, I can't write a chapter on, you know, like suggesting people to do a gratitude list if I'm not currently doing you know, it's that idea of, you know, being the change that you want to see. But I also didn't want to be a hypocrite and tell people to do something that I wasn't currently doing. So I got back into it again. And, you know, lo and behold, the way the mind works. There was many a days where I was like, I don't want to do this, you know. You know, it takes too long and you know, but all of that was in my head, you know, it is this my mindset change and shift that I continue to work on. Because I know when I look at the facts of my life, if I sit down with my cup of coffee, my orange juice, my water, something that I'm drinking in the morning because I'm dehydrated, I'm going to put something into my body, and I just take two minutes. And it never takes more than two and a half minutes for me to write. You know, I am grateful for the color blue, because it makes me feel happy. You know, it, I do these 10 things, and my life gets better. So my encouragement for you is to please. You know, start with the gratitude list. You will see for yourself. It will change you're also it gives you something to talk about with your loved one. And for those of you who are listening and you're saying, hey, you know what? I want to go beyond just making one change right now, and I'm saying, Great, please reach out to me. I would love to speak with you further, because I work with individuals all the time, and what it is we look to put this on an accelerated path. Because like for me, when I went when I got sober, I wanted a lot of changes in life, and I jumped all in, you know, I took the deep plunge into that cold water, doing a lot of the things that were uncomfortable, but I knew would have a long, lasting change. And, you know, I've worked with people to establish healthier relationships with their loved ones. Had to deepen their intimacy, relationships with their partner, how to be able to integrate working as a team at work, how to even how to improve relationships with their neighbors. And so many times I've come back to people and and I've began working with people, and they're saying, I just want to bring back my relationships and my family to where they once were. And I'm here to tell you is that all of them have gone beyond what they what they thought was possible, to have a deep, meaningful relationships with their families, and it's just a matter of making some small, consistent changes over a period of time. So I want to thank you all. Are listening today, and please, you know, subscribe to this channel. It increases the algorithm, and it gets this information out to more people, and until our next episode, remember, sobriety is a family affair.