The Matchmaker's Code: Decoding Love with Julie Ferman

FN Intro/Outro: Welcome to the Freedom Nation podcast with Jeff Kikel. On this show, Jeff shares his expertise in financial and retirement planning from a different perspective. Planning for Your Freedom Day, which is the first day that you wake up and have enough income or assets and do not have to go to work that day. Learn how to calculate what you need, how to generate income sources, and listen to interviews from others who've done it themselves. Get ready to experience your own Freedom Day.

Hey, everybody, it's Jeff here with the freedom nation podcast and it is one of our Podapalooza episodes. We are just banging through these today in one day. And I get the honor of interviewing my friend Julie Ferman, today. Julie is a matchmaker, professional matchmaker, and she teaches people how to find that person in their life, that they've been missing the other half of themselves. And she is amazing at this and has been doing it a long time. So Julie, welcome to the show, my friend.

Thank you, Jeff. I'm so excited to be here. I've been I've been fantasizing about being on your show.

Awesome. I've never had anybody say that they fantasized about it. So I'm gonna put that one as a win for

I've been having dreams about it. No, it's really cool.

And well, it'd be I know the story. But I want you to share your story with the audience. So how did you get to where you're at today?

All right. So first, I was stumbling miserably through dating, doing everything wrong. And wondering why I was coming up with same results over and over. So I found myself a coach who was a friend of mine, who was a business management expert. He was from Columbia, South America. And he made me pay for it. Even though he was my friend. I had to have skin in the game. So I would take it seriously. And this was before the internet. He was in Boston, I was in Kansas City, we get on the phone, he'd give me my homework assignments. I typed them all up and send them in the mail. A week later, he'd get them. And we'd have another call. So he said to me, Julie, you need a marketing plan. You need our whole mass marketing plan. That's the way you said it. Like, okay, let's build it. So half of the work we did was inside stuff. Taking my list of 532 requirements that I thought were important to have all in one guy taking it down to about three critical criteria. Yeah, so that was a big part of it. And then I got busy, we didn't have the internet back then we had personal ads. I did that three times. And then I was transferred to St. Louis. I was in the hotel industry with Ritz Carlton, I had no life opening new hotels, I stumbled into this dating service. I'm 29.9 years old with half of one ovary left because I'd had surgery. And I'm like, tick tock

We got to make this happen here.

So this was I mean, I tried everything I had put together like a profile and I sent it out to everybody I knew with a cover letter who do you know who wants to meet this girl I really was trying. So I go into this dating services guy talks me into joining and maxes out my credit cards to the tune of 14 150 bucks. And the short version of the story is that's the guy I'm married to. So we had like a three hour meeting

$1,400 from him for the rest of his life.

You know, he paid the mortgage for a really long time. So I got my money back. Yeah, I think I did. But he wasn't supposed to ask his members out. So I pay all this money, get my photos and videos done. I go through the books. I'm like, there's nobody here. They just opened their doors. And so I knocked on Gil's door, he was probably worried I was going to try to get my money back. And instead I said, I looked in the G book under Gil and I didn't see you What's the story but you owl? And he said, Well, I'm not supposed to ask out my members. Damn another good guy. I can't wait. So I said, What would you do if one of your members asked you out? And he said, she was cute. I probably go, I see God, let's go have a beer. And five weeks later, we got engaged. And five months later, we got engaged, married and two months later, we got pregnant with our boy who's turning 32 Tomorrow night another one came after. So I married into the dating industry and I worked for my husband I gave up my Ritz Carlton job when I was waddling around eight months pregnant. And the very next day he dragged me into the office he said you need to sell some memberships I'm sure to staff and and all my sales reps and one of them's in this in the psych ward the other one's having a baby the people in the dating industry are rather colorful I will tell you that though there were some things I didn't like about the way the DD industries were many of them still are today they're very very sales oriented by today Jeff it's gonna be cheaper come in tomorrow

We may have these memberships available tomorrow so

Oh, I just hated it. And and also the the lion's share that people that that responded to their marketing good solid People who wanted relationship didn't get to participate, because unless you cut the big check, you couldn't play. Yeah. So my husband sold his companies. And then when we moved to LA where he was from 20 years ago, that's when I launched my company and I got to do it my way. Yes, my way. So my web developer and I she was this wonderful lady she was in her 50s Beautiful, blonde kinda look like Barbie but spiritual and high powered and a little bit snooty. Okay, a little bit. high brow, though. And

What do you want?

She hated the online dating stuff. So she said, Julie, you know what, if we can build a system that is a more dignified alternative to those dating services, high powered, high priced matchmakers and online dating, you'll have a business you can run out of your sweat pants in your home until you're 95 years old. Yeah. Damn, girl. Let's build that I Oh, so we did and I wrote a check for $3,000 for her to start building the website had I know that I had I known I was going to spend all more than 250,000 By the time it was all done, I would have said, Oh my god, I think it should sell real estate or something. But I did it. And we built it in a pyramid kind of a way and everybody is welcome. It's free. It's private for people to be registered. Nobody browses nobody gets browsed. They gotta go through me and I got to see an opportunity for an introduction. And I gotta go to you the guy first. Hey, Jeff, how's timing for an introduction? If you are dating somebody or you are married to your lovely wife, I don't tell you anything about my part by my my person. Like, I'm so glad you found her. Excellent. But if you are available, then I get to share her profile with you, including photos. Nice. And there's a real big distinction between guys and girls. When it comes to the visuals. You know, you guys need to be attracted from the get go here we we can develop attraction over time. It's one of our superpowers is complicated today, though, because all the women who are dating have grown up with all of this visual media and the swiping apps and everything. So a lot of women are dating more like guys right now. And it's not working for them. Yeah. You know, my sister says it this way. She says we only have a shot with the guy who thinks we're hot. Yeah, she's right, that that's the way it is. So we have to pay attention to the guys who are available to us accessible to us interested in us attracted to us, we got a hope and a prayer with that guy, not with the guy we see across the crowded room who might like stick skinny Asians or African American women or Kardashian curves or, and I'm like a five foot one curvy girl. So you know, I had to learn this stuff the hard way. Now I help my clients

To write a check to the the avatar to the agency and get the get the boss that that plug in

When I was working with Gil, I used to try to work around the whole attraction thing. Yeah. And you know, I would listen to women who say, Oh, guys are so superficial. They're so shallow. No, no, you guys have equipment that needs to work in order for the species to survive. It is that simple. Number one order of business per species don't become extinct, right? And it's hard to rape a guy, right? You guys have to be attracted to a certain level. Or an you're attracted like that, or you're not. So I just work with it. And it makes me sad when I go to the guy and I really want him to meet my client, Linda. And he says, not so much. Who else she got Joel? Yeah. And I'm like, well, actually, she's the one I called you about. So let's just say and you're just gonna have to sit down. Wait till I may have another one. But you're gonna miss the opportunity to meet Linda, are you sure you want to do that? Yeah, buddy. Yeah, it's okay. Because I don't want to shame him. If he's not attracted, I get it. But sometimes the guys are shooting out of their league. Sometimes the guys are still attracted to the same women they were attracted to 30 years ago. And I have to say,

Chef, did that work for us? So this

Is she going for you back? I always do a consultation when I'm thinking about working with a client and a lot of coaching clients will do this consultation with me and I run a search and we look at real life people together because we're on a zoom call. And I get to watch case and I get to see if you're like woo over Barbie, and I got my hot yeah, right. I get it. And then the girls go for the usual suspects. The problem is the same 12 girls got picked all day long at my husband's agency. Yep, the same 12 girls are getting picked all day long on match.com. And worse, I found out when I built my boot camp and I did all of the research that it took to do it. The algorithms are not our friend boy, it's a popularity contest. They are serving all those hot people up because those are the ones they make the most money on. People will renew and renew and they'll flood you with good people. Gosh, just a week before your memberships just about amazing. Yeah, in that you so amazing how they do that. So I provide the all Alternative, I'm based in Los Angeles and also Santa Fe, New Mexico. It's free and private coaching sessions, boot camp, which is $3,000 investment 10,000 or more to hire a matchmaker, at least in my world. It used to be easier. I used to be able to do it more inexpensively. Yeah. But in the old days, I would just, if I knew that you were in, I forgot your wife's first name was her first name, crystal. So if you wanted to meet crystal, and she wanted to meet you, I could just instantly reveal last name, email address, and phone number. And I could count on you to pick up the phone and call her and invite crystal out on a proper date. I can't count on that anymore. All the ghosting that's going on, not to mention, Crystal could go and google you. And she could find out the value of your home. And how old are you? Oh, he lied by his on his age by five years? Oh, my God does. And you know, I don't want somebody to know where you live in the value of your home and what your occupation is, necessarily. So it's more expensive now, because I really got to handhold the whole process. Yeah, exactly.

You've got to slowly reveal.

There's one more good thing I wanted to share, though. I do a lot of free introductions. Those are called mitzvah matches. Do you come from a Jewish environment? I think you do. No, I don't know you don't hear. It's a blessing. It's a it's a gift. And I do that for as many free introductions as I do for fee. And that's my way of creating my Community Service Division.

That's that's called the karma bank to That's right. He's just keep loading the karma bank up

I got to go there, and then I'll be up there with you.

There's times of strife that it's amazing how you can unload the karma bank when you need it. Yeah, loaded up. So let's talk real quick about Yeah, I mean, you've been a successful business woman for a long time. What's kept you going? I mean, with all the competition and the video, the the online dating side, and all these other ones, what, what helped you to make your business work?

I feel like I don't have any competition because nobody is service oriented. As I am. Everything I do comes from a place of how can I help this person. And I fall in love with everybody, I get to talk to you, I get to have eight or 10 conversations every single day except Sunday. And I fall in love with them. And my advice. My job is to help them do about do well in dating and they fall in love with me and the people who are my people want to do a coaching session with me than they want to do my boot camp. And for the people who I don't think should hire a matchmaker. I'm including some attempts at matchmaking, no matter where they are in my bootcamp. So it's just it's all service because in word of mouth, I don't have to mark it. I don't ever buy Google AdWords, all of the dating competitors by Google AdWords. I never do that. Yeah. The quality of the people is not who I want. I want people who find me because they're looking for the real match. Yeah. And they've read my stuff. They've heard my podcast, the Cupids. Coach podcast, I'd have you on it.

I think it would be wonderful. Yeah, I need to bring my lovely wife with me because

Yeah you and I think you and Krystal should come on together.

I mean, we've been together almost 30. Well, we've been together 30 years next year. And we've worked together for almost 10. Now, ya

When I get ready to write the book that was seated at the weekend that I met you at in Austin, I'm going to have you and crystal on as we're going to hear all about how you managed to not kill each other over three years.

We work in the same building, we just don't talk to each other all day long and half the time people think we're ready to kill each other. But like five minutes later, we're like, yeah, what are we gonna have for dinner tonight? Where are we gonna go this week? He's

She's a hoot. She's a lot of fun.

She's my she was my soulmate. So. So let's transition to the Fast Five questions.

I love your questions.

Ready to go?

Yep.

All right. So first question. You wake up in the morning, businesses, God you have 500 bucks, a laptop computer, place to live and food and clothing. What are you going to do first?

I already know exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to take my laptop and I'm going to go sit at the coffee shop and just start interviewing people start all over again, and I'll have 1000 people within two months.

I love it. I absolutely love it. And you have 500 bucks for coffee while you're doing all that so

Yeah, and I'll just have a little sign that says the matchmakers in sit down take the number.

King Yeah, now serving. Yeah, what's the biggest business mistake you've ever made?

I made the mistake of Selling my company in 2010, because it had gotten so big that I was uncomfortable with it 50 60,000 A month in overhead. I had employees, I have leases on office buildings. And it was I was trying to raise children at the same time my husband didn't see me. And so I sold my company to a much larger national company that was being courted by match.com. And we had a great exit strategy. We were all going to make a ton of money. They needed me to build out Southern California for them. So I opened five offices for them hired 12 employees, we had 300 clients, and two and a half years into the three year employment agreement I had with them. They went belly up and closed 50 offices overnight. Wow, and expanded all those clients. There was a lady named giftie loved this lady she was she was from Ghana. She was She they talked her into a $15,000 program because see, here's the problem when you try to do dating big matchmaking big, you have to hire help. And those telemarketers are going to get anybody into that office. Those salespeople are going to sell it to anybody because they have kids to feed. Yeah. And then the matchmakers that you have helping well, they have quotas. And the more introductions they create, the more money they make. So they'll put anybody with anybody. And that's why when you hear people talking about dating agencies and their horrible experiences, those are why. So yeah, I just kind of know too much. So then I really I found a way to get through that I found a home for all 300 clients, I found jobs for most of the employees. I was unemployed, and didn't want to work in the industry. I went on retreat, and I came back and my, my voicemail was full of people wanted to hire me. They're like, I know horrible things. Like I know this horrible thing happened and no, it wasn't your fault. I want to hire you. And so I just turned around and opened up another company under my name. And I just I got my I got my database back and I got my website back. Thank God, I had to threaten them to get it back. Yeah, they were going to sell all those people's names on the open market. They were going to sell my website, my third child, they were going to sell everything. And I threatened them. I've never sued anybody my entire life. But I would have so then I just started like small again, like little boutique matchmaker on the sweet little corner and med Montana in LA you know, that kind of thing. And not 36,000 people I have registered in my community. So that's amazing. Take care of people that

take care. Yeah, that's you do right by people. They're gonna they're gonna know they know the difference. You know, the other ones are just about selling stuff. You're about actually making matches, heaven forbid, you know? Yeah, yeah.

And also doing dating. Well, I really like to help people do that process of dating well, so that it's enriching and enlivening, and you're bringing joy to people on your first date, instead of sitting there judging and evaluating, right? It's a different way to date all together. And that's why I'm Cupid's Coach, how to do it.

Love it. Love it. Love it. What's a good book that you recommend for our Oh,

Right here baby takes speaking in thumbs by Nene wins Berg. She's a psychiatrist. And she spoke at the matchmakers conference in New York. And I'm telling you what, it is an awesome book. It is a psychiatrist decodes your relationship texts. So you don't have to. It's how we can learn about ourselves and other people through our text messages. And there is so much amazing therapy and psychology in this book, I underlined it so much I had to go down to the hotel and getting again another pen because the pen ran out of ink. So good. It was

sounds like my my original copy of The Four Hour Workweek that looks like somebody drug it behind a car at this point. When

When people ask me why I'm not more accessible by email. I blame it on that book

Yeah, it's, I've no I'm not I just don't do it. And I don't text. So

You're worse than me. You could call me all day long and you I will not hear that phone ring. What saved my life as an entrepreneur is when we moved our primary residence to Santa Fe, New Mexico. And I knew I was going to be working remotely. I didn't want to hear this phone ring all day long. So we parked it on the web up there and it rings up there somewhere. And I get messages and people learn to send me an email and I'll respond and I'm really good at it. But I just know I wasn't enjoying my work anymore when I was because I don't want to talk to looky loos you know, we're lucky Louis. Oh yeah. I've been doing this for 33 years. All the information is on the website. Hanish here sir. Best work. This is apple in Schenectady. I love you so but no, I started getting cranky. I'm like, Okay, I just can't answer this damn phone anymore because I Got, hey, tell me how it works. Why didn't he call me back?

Have you listened to yourself? You actually listen to your voice. That's why he didn't call it is he thinking, oh my god, I'm going to spend the next 30 years with that voice. No. I don't care what you look like.

You don't really need to go to speech school and learn how to speak in a way that's not totally annoying to other people. I totally agree. I could say that. And my voice annoys my husband all the time. So you know, if you're gonna do, you're gonna do

What's a tool that you use in your business every day that you might recommend?

I use RingCentral because I couldn't I, I had to move here from LA. And I didn't want to lose all my LA people. Okay, so I had to keep that phone number. So I parked it on the web, and then I learned and you can do texting from it. It helps me a lot. And I'm not a techie. But that is one thing I brought on my assistant. Again, she's making calls for me, using my RingCentral. And she's in Bullhead. City, Arizona.

Brilliant. I know I actually know where that is. I actually have a an old client that had an office there had a dental office

And she is awesome. I trained her she knows everything about my business. Yeah. And so she didn't miss a beat. She got on the phone and booking me appointments the very first day I'm like, where How have I lived without her?

Oh, gosh, I've got a lady who works for me out of Colorado, the same thing just uses my thing. My number and, you know, makes outbound phone calls and sets appointments, and I don't have to do it, which is the the beautiful. It's all like, all I have to be is the dancing monkey out in front. That's that's all I did. Who said? Yeah. Okay, last question. What is your definition of freedom?

My definition of freedom is having the opportunity to do what I love to do. And to have enough resources coming in that I don't have to be stressed out over money. So in other words, doing what I love to do, generating a profit, I don't need to be a gazillionaire but I don't want to be in debt ever. And I want to be able to sleep well at night without worrying. I want to be able to do my work and joy, which means not to be worried about bills that are coming due. Yeah,

Just as there's no stress to it. I mean, that that was the the biggest change for me was selling my business and having all the money and assets that I would ever need going forward. And I'm like, I love what I do every day. I mean, I could spend an entire day away from work doing podcast today. I mean, it's freaking awesome. I mean, it's the greatest day ever. But I've a show I watch on Motor Trend that they always talked about that best day work ever. Today was the best day work ever so

Oh, it's awesome. Well, you're an inspiration Jeff and

made it better by having my friend Julie on today. So this was a joy because we we hadn't had a chance to hook up yet on this and thank

We haven't seen each other since we had a drink together in Austin absolute

freaking lately. So we need to do that again. I need Yeah, I need to come visit you up wherever you're at at that.

I'm in Santa Fe bring crystal come have a good time. You guys know who she's

from the land of entrapment. We have to go back there ever so often. So we'll come visit. I'm here. It's freaking way better than Edgewood or Albuquerque. So we'll go into

That's right. That's awesome. Thank you so much for having me on the show. Jeff. I love you.

Thanks deals I'd love you to. She is amazing. And if this resonated with you, please share it with somebody that it may need her help at some point or just share the story because it's just fun and she's hilarious. We do this

You do you tell them stop bitching. Call Julie call?

Do it. Be done with this just call her house and fix the problem for you. Folks, we do this twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays make sure you subscribe to the channel. And if you liked what you heard today, he was set up live upvote little thumbs up. Give us a heart wherever you're at whatever thing says that you're actually out there. Make sure you do it. And we will see you back here the very next time.

FN Intro/Outro: Thank you for listening to the Freedom Nation podcast. You can find this on Apple podcasts and all the major channels wherever you're listening. Please subscribe to the channel and leave a rating and review. If you have friends and family that could benefit from their own Freedom Day. Please share with them. Finally, join freedom nation by following us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.