Overwhelmed? Do This Instead | FSTT017

[00:00:02.870]

Not all overwhelmed was created equal. So how can you best show up for your kids, your partner? And how can this translate to showing up for your dreams? That's up next on From Surviving to Thriving for for Parents.

Are you ready?

[00:00:19.170]

Let's go.

[00:00:43.270]

Hey you, pull up a seat. Welcome back to From Surviving to Thriving for Parents. This is episode 17. I am Raymond Bourcier. And if you are a parent or a soon-to-be parent who wants to give their kids the best start in life that you can give them, then you're in the right place.

[00:01:02.650]

This show is all about you. Helping you transform your life and impacting your world by taking unwavering action. Because giving your kids, and your loved ones and your dreams your best, starts with first giving yourself your best. At the start of the show, I asked a question regarding how you can best show up for your kids, your partner, and even your dreams when Overwhelm has so many different sources and it's not created all equally. I'm going to preface my answer that there is no one size fits all solution because there can't be for many reasons. For one, you are unique.

[00:01:45.610]

No one has ever lived the life that you've lived. No one has the same filters that you see life through. For another, you also may find yourself dealing with things at different points along your journey. For example, maybe you have a newborn, maybe you have a grade schooler, or perhaps you're dealing with a teen. Heck, you may be dealing with multiple kids in different brackets and environments. So it's impossible to have a one size fits all solution.

[00:02:18.010]

But that doesn't mean you're alone. Far from it. Overwhelm, it impacts us all differently. But dealing with it requires you to be open to new possibilities, to new ideas, and most importantly taking unwavering action. The roots of overwhelm are where you and I, we're going to start today because your roots determine your fruits. There are only four things that you have complete control over in your life.

[00:02:52.000]

Do you happen to remember what those are? Your thoughts, your actions, your reactions, and your inactions. Everything else is entirely outside of your control. It's not easy to give up the feeling of control of anything else. I understand.

[00:03:12.070]

But this is where understanding that everything else is just an illusion of control. You really have no control over anything else except those four things. And overwhelm, in its very fundamentals is energy. Because thoughts, feelings, all of what you and I experience are energetic impulses. The human brain is a giant battery of electric impulses. And these electric impulses are sent throughout your body to signal your body for different things.

[00:03:51.310]

If you're walking while listening to this show, your brain is electrically sending impulses throughout your body down through to your legs that activates the muscles and movements that allow you to walk. It's all big one cause and effect relationship. And I hope that this makes sense and that you're still with me. While overwhelm is similar in many ways. Where it differs is the cause and the effect relationship. And this is where it gets necessary to understand the roots of overwhelm.

[00:04:28.510]

For those of you who can walk, you likely don't even have to think about it. You just do the action. The electric impulses take charge, which is cause, and you start to walk, which is effect. It's a closed circuit. You experience the results of what you put in.

[00:04:50.170]

But with overwhelm, it's like trying to fill a bucket with water that has holes in it. It doesn't matter how much you put into the bucket. You will need to keep filling it because it won't stop leaking. It won't stop taking from you. It'll take every single thing you have and then some.

[00:05:13.210]

Everything you give it will never be enough. Sound familiar? So what happens? At first, you fill it and then you refill it, and then you refill it. How many times it takes for you to start getting frustrated with having to refill that bucket

[00:05:31.490]

it depends on the individual. But over time, you begin to feel overwhelmed. Because no matter how many times you fill the bucket, it just wants more. It just keeps taking from you. Is this making sense?

[00:05:47.890]

Overwhelm results from the effect of what you're doing, the cause. Now, this isn't to say that you personally are the cause of the overwhelm. Again, there are things in life that you can't control, and as a result, there are things in life that will cause you overwhelm no matter what. But, what this does leads me back to the previous topic that you and I we spoke about.

[00:06:15.460]

The Pareto Principle. It's the 80/20 rule where you want to focus on the things that will get you the results, rather than focusing that same effort on something that will only get you 20% of the results. Overcoming overwhelm requires you to do things differently because if nothing changes, nothing changes. Old ways won't open new doors. Overcoming overwhelm, It begins with you changing your focus. Instead of focusing on the whole picture where overwhelm will surely drag you down, as I used to do.

[00:06:59.230]

It starts with changing your focus because focus is energy, and where focus goes, energy flows. Your focus, it needs to shift towards the things that will get you the 80% of the results. And this starts by you choosing to focus only on the things that you have control over. When you put your focus on the things that are within your control, you begin to release what isn't in your control. So, this results in you being able to better handle what gets thrown your way.

[00:07:39.130]

So, tackling overwhelm it starts with you, but it doesn't end there. When you bring a kid into this world, they are clean slate. They are a pristine ecosystem. But the same can't be said for you right now. Right? Because you've been through a lot.

[00:08:00.550]

You've seen and felt a lot of garbage in your life. The good news is that your success rate for making it through all of that is 100%. And for that, you need to be proud of yourself and celebrate those wins. But as a new parent, you don't automatically start with a clean slate like your child and it's not your fault and you're not to blame. But it is your responsibility to grow.

[00:08:32.650]

What you teach them is how they will be programmed and how they will be conditioned, just like you were. Think about it. Where did you learn to deal with overwhelm? Well, as a child you learned a lot through your parents, through their programs and their conditioning. Whether you know it or not, a lot of how your life is run is through that programming and conditioning that's running behind the scenes from your childhood.

[00:09:03.010]

You saw it in your parents, family, school, society, and even culture. So, it's not a far fetched belief that how you learn to handle overwhelm has been wrong this entire time, isn't it? I know it was wrong for me. It's not your fault, and you're not to blame. But it is your responsibility to overcome and grow beyond. Since you can't start as a clean slate as a parent, the best that you can do is unlearn what doesn't serve and focus on growth.

[00:09:42.070]

It's a cliche when saying be the change that you want to see. But in this case, how you handle overwhelm will have a lasting impact because as above, so below. To deal with overwhelm, you first need to go to the roots and deal with what feeds it. Focus. We've covered what focus is. Focus is where you choose to invest your energy.

[00:10:13.990]

And maybe you're like me. You were never taught the right way to handle overwhelm, to handle your focus. So, I want you to sit with what I'm about to share, and see if it's something that connects with you. The roots of overwhelm begin in the zones where you have no control. Focusing on what you can't control acts as a black hole that zaps as much energy that you're willing to feed it. It's a bottomless pit that never leaves you feeling any feedback and closure, which leads to higher and higher levels of overwhelm.

[00:10:52.510]

So, dealing with overwhelm starts with changing your focus to the things that you can control. Because when you focus on what's in your control, you can break the cycle. It may sound simple, but simple isn't always easy, I know. It first comes from understanding and taking unwavering action on the four things that you can control. By focusing on what is within your control, you're focusing on what will give you 80% in the Pareto Principle, rather than feed all of that energy into only getting 20% of the results.

[00:11:34.390]

When you take back control by choosing to focus only on the things that you can control. Not only are you getting more results, but you'll notice that your ability to handle and overcome overwhelm dramatically improves. While the things you can't control are not always in your best interest, you'll notice your ability to handle this overwhelm will increase to the point that where once you would stew in them, now they roll off you with less impact. Overcoming overwhelm, it starts with you taking back control of what you can control, and everything else is just a waste of time and energy to worry about.

[00:12:23.710]

As with most things, it takes unwavering action to see and feel the results. But this is where our Free Transformational Blueprints come in to help you along your journey. Science has shown that, what you measure gets transformed. So, when you use these blueprints you're able to get that feedback, and see those tangible results that will help empower you on your journey. And you can get access to those for free by joining our support tribe at Empowerup.info/tribe.

[00:13:05.650]

Why this is important, and you need to take unwavering action is because this is the key along your journey. Because it starts with you, building traction. From traction, you build momentum. From momentum, you build hope. And with hope you begin to build belief.

[00:13:29.590]

Do you mind if I take a moment and share my personal experience on how this has helped me? And maybe this can help you see and feel just how powerful of an impact it can have on your life. As you may remember from one of our previous chats, I grew up in a toxic family. I learned many of their unhealthy beliefs through their words, through their actions, through their reactions and their inactions. And through all of this, there were many lessons that as a kid I should have been taught or in my teens that any of them should have taught me. Lessons like kindness, forgiveness, understanding. Instead, what I was taught were lessons of lying, hatred, abuse, victimization.

[00:14:26.650]

And, I blamed a lot of them for the longest time. And while to this day, some of them continue to live their life this way. I grew to forgive them. Not for them, but for me. That doesn't mean that they are a part of my life. That's another story for another time.

[00:14:53.050]

But, what's important here is that no one in my family taught me how to handle overwhelm. Because they were never taught how to handle it themselves, and they dealed with it in their own way. The way that they thought was best for them, which was passed down from generation to generation. And for decades of my life, I felt hateful and spiteful. Then, when things would pile on, I dealt with overwhelm in unhealthy ways, lashing out, isolating, seething in anger and frustration. Feeling victimized with the never ending "woe is me" tale, always on the defensive. This would come out in all areas of my life. But after that SWAT team busted down my door, which I talked about back in episode three, it made me realize that I was sick and tired of being fed life this way.

[00:15:58.330]

So I started to take back my control of my narrative and began what would become my healing journey. By changing my focus on what I could control, it started to help me let things slide a little easier every day. When I became a father, it pushed me to my limits. It forced me to take everything to the next level because as a parent, you know just how frustrating and draining it can be to get the kiddos to do the things that you need them to do. Things like getting ready for school.

[00:16:35.290]

And at times, for me, getting the kiddo ready for school has been nothing short of a nightmare. A nightmare in which the old me would have never been able to handle it. The overwhelm would have been too much. But the new me, because I am better able to focus on what gives me the 80% of my results. It allows me to better handle and let's slide the 20% of things that won't help me.

[00:17:03.780]

The things outside of my control. Understand, however, that it's always a work in progress. Nothing is perfect. I'm nowhere near the world's best father, and to this day, I still have flaws. I was programmed with things that I continued to chip away on. To unlearn the things that don't serve me, that don't serve my kiddo, and choose to grow.

[00:17:28.510]

But much like my friend Laban Ditchburn, shout out to you, buddy. I focus on being World's Best at what I do. Whether it's World's Best father, World's Best husband, World's Best podcaster, World's Best Parent coach. My goal is always World's Best. Even if I come up short, focusing on World's Best isn't about ego.

[00:17:58.750]

It's about "being" and giving your highest self to whatever it is that you focus on. Giving the best of you to the things and the people that matter most. So, when you focus on being World's Best at overcoming overwhelm, you're giving yourself permission to give your best to you. Which starts by focusing only on the things that you can control, and understand that everything else just is. So, take unwavering action by doing something different and seeing for yourself the results. Changing the roots will change the fruits. Breaking the cycle,

[00:18:43.120]

it must start and end with you. And you got this. I believe in you. And it just takes the belief of one person to make a huge difference, a huge impact in their life. But if you want support, the support that you've always needed, but maybe you have never had. That's where I can help. If you haven't yet joined our EmpowerUp tribe, where I go live once a week, where we connect, where we can provide you the support and the accountability that you need. You can do so, and together we'll break the cycle so that you can give your kids the start life that maybe you never had. To give yourself the life that you never imagined was possible.

[00:19:31.450]

The link to join our tribe will be in the episode notes for this show. And if you found this or any other episode helpful. Please consider leaving us a five star review on iTunes or a five star rating on Spotify, as this will help us take another step closer to our goal of transforming the lives and impacting the worlds of 11 million people. And as a special thank you for those who do take unwavering action and leave us a review, we'll read it on air and give you a special shout-out at the end of an episode. And that's it for today's show. Thank you for showing up for yourself here today. The best investment you can ever make is in yourself, and time is the most valuable commodity in this world. And I hope that I was able to give you the value and impact that you need on your journey. I'll see you next week.

[00:20:29.280]

Until then, you're just one unwavering action away from a completely different life. To the journey, much love.