Alternative Healing Methods: Going Beyond Traditional Therapy with Aideen Ni Riada | EP088

Hello, everybody. My name is Shannan Mondor. And I want to thank you all for coming to my podcast today fulfillment in faith. Today, my guest is Aideen Ni Riada. I just love your name, because it's so different. And of course, because I set it right the first time, normally, I would stumble over names like that. So all the power to me, I'm so happy about that. So what I want to do add is if we can get right into your story right away. But first off, if you can tell everybody where you're from a little bit about yourself a little bit of background, and then from there,

Aideen Ni Riada: perfect. Yes, I am. I'm from Ireland. So I actually live in the US near Traverse City in Michigan now. But I got married about five years ago, I had my five year anniversary recently, my husband's from Michigan and his mom had moved here to retire. So I moved my business online. But the business that I run right now is something I could never have imagined when I was younger, because I really wanted to do something that was from my heart. And at that time, I was blocking a lot of my heart's desires. And in particular, I really wanted to do something creative, and I wanted to do singing. And I used to say things like, I want to be a singer, but I can't do that. And with, you know, the help of things like NLP, and then my spiritual journey, I've been able to face that belief in me that was stopping me from stepping forward and even trying to do what I love to do. And when I started to believe in myself, I was able to start teaching, singing to adults and my evolve my evolution from there is now bringing my spiritual side into my work and working with people as an intuitive mentor.

So give me an example of how you would coach through that process, because I'm really interested in.

Aideen Ni Riada: So for example, I worked with Sue, she was a very busy ER doctor who had a miscommunication at work where a colleague had basically reported or for something and suit was feeling very angry, frustrated, and misunderstood by everything that had gone on, and the frustration and the misunderstood feeling like your voice is not being heard. And your intention is good, that was really what was blocking her, she needed to fully accept the situation and become peaceful again. And then she was able to be more objective. But what happened for her was her life was taken over by this work problem. And afterwards, she was able to feel peaceful again and focus on living and focusing on her kids and her family, and allow the processes that that work situation had to go through to just happen without feeling like she was being victimized or that you you know what I mean, sometimes things take time to unravel. So she was able to go through that process, and she's much happier now as a result. Well, we did what you wanted to know, as well, how did I do that? Right. Yeah. Okay.

But But I got another question on top of that will not make it more of a statement. Because, you know, say for example, you know, she said that that problem had taken over her life. But there are so many of us out there, where our upbringing, where trauma or whatever, that's totally taken over our life. Yeah. So that wouldn't have to you that would be my next question, you know, is how do we unravel that by what you do? So, you know, I've kind of now been, I added another question to a question.

Aideen Ni Riada: So yeah, and I liked that because it is about how do we how do we see past the the stuff that's right in front of us, that is who we think we are identity, if you've been on my podcast channel, we spoke about how our identity is based on all this stuff that we've been through. And for her in that situation, here, her identity as a kind, loving person who gets along with our co workers was suddenly being questioned. It was like, they don't know me, they can't understand me, how do I fix this? And so no matter what the situation is, where we're not being heard, or not being understood, or where we are holding on to something from the past, is we have to accept that we have to accept that that's the, that's what's happening. We have to go, okay, and somehow forgive yourself for being in that situation. You know, a lot of the work I do is about self love. If you think feel responsible, you're like, I shouldn't have been there and I think even people who are born into difficult situations, have a little bit of a, how did I create this problem? You know, you take this kind of self blame and that can be really, really detrimental to actually moving forward. Because even if you're to blame even in a small way, you have to be able to forgive yourself somehow that you got yourself there, there was some innocence maybe in you that got you there, or there was just wrong place at the wrong time. Or there was maybe you were angry that day and someone picked up on it. Maybe you sent an email you shouldn't have sent, but whatever it was to be able to go, Okay, I did that, you know, the thing I did doesn't define my identity, that the thing I come from doesn't define who I am.

I like that. You said that. I love love that you said that, because so many people don't think that way. Yeah. And that is so true. What you just said.

Aideen Ni Riada: Yeah. And I think, you know, we hear about this when it comes to parenting kids, you know, it's like, well, you know, you're a bad kid, or do you say that? Or do you say, Oh, you did a bad thing.

See? Yeah, and it's so funny that you that you make that statement there. Because, you know, growing up all I could ever remember was your bad. You know, your bad. We It wasn't until I actually became a parent, that I knew what the difference was. You're not a bad kid. You just did bad actions. You're You're You're an amazing kid, you know, you know, that's what you know, we instill in our children in that right. But it all I remember growing up was you're bad. You're bad. You're bad. And like, yeah, and how that just destroys one's identity.

Aideen Ni Riada: completely obvious. Yeah. Devastating, because there's no foundation to stand on, then. You know, if you don't believe you've got some goodness, you've no reason to fully change. If you think you're bad, you're like, Well, okay, I'll just be bad, then. That's who I am. If you believe I

am anyway, so why should I even try? Yeah,

Aideen Ni Riada: yeah. I've been recently went to see the movie Inside Out, too. And that's really interesting.

We just went on Saturday night, my teenage kids. And and I'll tell you, I absolutely loved it, because they are at the prime of that movie right now. And my, my son, actually, this morning said to me, Mom, I really liked that movie, I would go see it again. And I'm like, Oh, my goodness. Because this is all about you. Like the whole anxiety thing in those teenage years. And it's just like, like, when I was when that movie was unraveling. I was like, yep, that's my kids right now. Right now. Everybody's watching that movie.

Aideen Ni Riada: Yeah. And it's the problem is the way that we use language. Because even like the I, I'm a bad kid, or you're a bad kid, if you say I am anxious. That's like saying, This is my identity. I am anxious person. No, I just feel anxious. Right. And that's hard to separate. If once you can separate how you feel from who you are, then you can kind of disentangle the situation. And I think we need good people around us, we need someone who sees the real you, you need someone who loves you. Or you need to connect with some form of maybe faith or something to believe that something cares about you, as you are is a really powerful step toward reclaiming your goodness, reclaiming, I'm an awesome person reclaiming, okay, I get anxious when I have tests or when I you know, have to talk to a girl in a bar or whatever it might be. So there's so many things that make us anxious, but you don't have to identify as Oh, I'm an anxious person, necessarily, unless it's valuable to you to identify the certain way. I don't recommend it. You have to ask yourself, Is this helpful or unhelpful?

See, and the thing is with me, because I was anxious my entire life, I didn't even realize it, right. But once I was put in an environment where people actually acknowledged that I had anxiety, that's the biggest thing is you need to be in an environment where people can see that within you and can come and approach you about it too. Because I didn't know that I was anxious my entire life. Like had no clue. Right? So the biggest thing is to is like now I do look at my children, or I do look at people in my life, and I can see their thoughts, feelings and emotions, right, like you can because I, I, I've experienced so much within my life. And it's like, the biggest question that I asked, especially my children, which everybody should be asked all the time. How do you feel? How do you feel? We do not get asked that question enough. And if you can't explain how you feel, it's because you don't acknowledge the emotion that's going on right now. Say, for example, being anxious. Because then they themselves can identify, oh, that's what anxious is. And when it pops up again, later on, they're going to be able to recognize that Oh, I am anxious right now. I have anxiety. Where does that stem from the awareness?

Aideen Ni Riada: Yeah. And here's a step further that we can go because I've been reading one of Brene Brown's books about shame. And she said, one of the key ways to have resilience in the face of shame is to not just be able to identify that you feel bad about something or you feel shame, shame, but you actually identify what your body is feeling. So I'm anxious, I feel churning in my stomach, my palms are sweaty, I feel my face is starting to burn up, right? So when we can go that even one step further of kind of acknowledging my physical response, and then find ways to physically calm that physical response by breathing or to stepping away from a situation and returning when you feel calmer. Those are all really great ways to become more resilient because we all have these highs and lows of, of emotions until we see them all clearly. And then we navigate them a little better. Yes.

Okay. So we're, I'm curious to as well, is what got you to become a intuitive coach like this?

Aideen Ni Riada: What Yeah,

what is it, we all become something for a specific reason, something less what led you.

Aideen Ni Riada: My, my journey was really, it all stemmed from this feeling of I'm not expressing myself creatively. And I can't do my singing because something in my mind was against me, like fully against me. And I worked with my mind for a long time, I was saying all the right things to myself. But it wasn't until I started a spiritual practice that I actually found that I felt more grounded. And it had a lot to do with having the right people around me. Yeah, having one power, one good person in your corner, makes such a difference. So I had my meditation teacher close to. And the type of meditation that I learned then that I teach now, and that I use in my intuitive mentoring is mantra meditation from various spiritual traditions, including yoga traditions, Sufi tradition, sometimes even calling on the angels, the archangels, but out loud in a singsong way, that rings a vibration to the body, and creates a sound around you that you can hear that can actually create space for you mentally, and create space for you emotionally and spiritually. So that it kind of helps you step back from that, you know, tangled area, and you start to feel like, oh, yeah, there's me, and that I am not that as if I start to separate slightly. So that's one of the techniques that I use. The journey was connecting to mantra, because I knew I needed it. Like, when I started mantra meditation, I had gone through a very difficult time, my life I had went, I had gone to London to become a singer, right. So I mean, I have some great music on YouTube now. And I still do do singing, I'm in a jazz trio or whatever, now locally, but at the time, I went to London thinking I'm going to be singer, it didn't happen. I started working at it really awful job with an awful boss that I had a lot of problems with. And I got let go from my job, I couldn't afford to live in London, I was so stubborn. I wanted to stay in London, I borrowed money from my family, I was borrowing money for my brother, I was like, I can't afford to get the tube, you know, in London, and my brother had to transfer me money. My, my family were like, What the hell's going on with 18. But I wasn't eating well enough, I couldn't see clearly. And they actually sent letters to me. My dad brought them to me. And they're saying, we're worried about you, please come home. And so I came home. And I stayed in my mom's house. And I only went out to mass for probably for about five or six months. And then I found mantra. And the mantra became like my, one of my anchors that cleared me. And one of the biggest revelations was I said to my teacher, do you have to be worthy, or deserving of good things to happen. And she said, It's simpler than that. You reap what you sow. So I understood from that, that if I kept sowing seeds, and I kept doing some little actions every day towards what I wanted to do, that something would happen, something would happen, I didn't have to feel good about myself, I didn't have to love myself a lot. I didn't have to forgive myself a lot. I had to, I started with sowing seeds. And I did forgive myself and I did learn to love myself again, through that practices that I was doing. So now what I do is I create a very safe space for people who come to me because I just want them to know that you're not alone. And I can hold space for something that you think is is horrible, disgusting, shameful, whatever it might be. Because I see that gem of divinity within people. And I know that there's redemption available for anyone who wants it. So it's not I don't even go on about spiritual stuff that much. It's a lot more about just having conversation with someone and if they're open to mantra, I will use it, if they're more open to something else that might be something else that I would would work with. But most of the clients that I work with are quite open minded because I, I seem to attract people who are. So that was really good for me for that relationship. Because, you know, if someone's listening right now, and you feel like you don't love yourself, if you feel that there is no redemption for you, because of dot, dot, dot, I might not be the right person for you to connect with, you have to start to take small steps and the bread crumbs. The bread crumb could be a book that you read, the bread crumb could be a phone call you made to a friend or advice you ask from your pastor, if you're in a church, it could be anything small, it could be starting to write a gratitude journal, it could be, you know, taking a knitting class, if your soul and if you feel or if you think that I might be helped you then contact me. But I'm not saying that I'm the right answer for everybody. See,

and that's, that's what what I really found with my journey, because I started going to therapists when I was in my 20s. And I just really found that after a while, you know, a particular therapist wasn't working for me anymore, because she could only take me so far. And then it was like, then what they then what I seen with all of the therapists that I seen is that they kept on concentrating on my past my past my past, well, no, I, I don't want to deal about my past anymore. Like you guys need to show me tools or something, you know, to help me accomplish my goals or whatever it was. And then so that was when my healing journey really started to take shape was because I needed to go outside of the medical professionals because they were legislated. They can only take you so far. And most of them did not understand what I was going through because they had never experienced these feelings and emotions or whatever I was going through. So that's what I did, I had to seek more on like a spiritual mentorship and stuff like that, or, and people that had gone through exactly what I had gone through. And then that was where I really excelled and became the person I am today. So I want people to know out there that you know, a therapist may only work for a little while, but be open to receive and to look for other options. Because there are so many options out there. You just have to be willing to go out there and find them. And when they do come to you that you are willing to maybe try it and see if it will work for you. Because there are tools all over the place. They're there. If you're

Aideen Ni Riada: I have a good story about that. Because when I after I was in London, and I had that six months away, kind of away from the world. I knew I wanted to do something for myself, I didn't want to work for someone again, I was like, my boss had really turned me away from that idea. So I started working on my own business. And I was I did everything that I used to do because I worked in health for eight years, I worked in health stores and I had qualifications. And I worked as an image consultant for Columbia beautiful, some people might remember them. And I didn't want to do that I wanted to do something with the singing like I was always had this yearning. So I kind of made a prayer. I said, Look, I have no clue how to do this. But I would really love to do more with music next year. I don't mind if I earn money elsewhere, but I want my time to be spent doing something with music. And three weeks later, I had a voice in my head, I would say say to me do a singing workshop for adults. Now, I wanted to sing on a stage or sing for a wedding. I just like the fact that that's not really what I want to do. And that's how I knew that that voice was from outside of me and the answer to my prayer because it wasn't my thoughts that could get me there. This was a completely unique idea. That was simple. But I was resistant to it because my I said in my head my mom is the music teacher in the family. She teaches guitar. I don't want to be like my mom, you know, but this time because I recognize the voice as being an answer. I said, Okay, I'll test that idea. And I think this is a worthwhile strategy to suggest to the listeners as well, because sometimes we feel like okay, I'm going to do this thing, right? You're like, I want to try this thing and you put all your eggs into that one basket and it's like this. It's a little bit too much. Sometimes we have to test the waters. Sometimes you want to take an online class before you take a college degree or sometimes you need to talk to someone or do an internship before you leave your job or sometimes it's a side hustle before it becomes a full time position. So we should imagine that thing It's gonna be gradual that we don't have to do everything in a dramatic way. And things that are more gradual, sometimes are more solid, you know, a bit more of a foundation for the future.

And that's really how things have happened to me too, like, I can see my end result. But the joy about it is I am building, I'm digging the ditch as I go. And it's all those little teeny learning experiences as I go along. And what's the most amazing thing with all these little experiences is the universe is bringing each each level that I go, the universe is bringing, you know, say, for example, you into my life, you know, and Oh, what am I going to learn from you? And then oh, you know, there's going to be somebody else that comes along. And you know what he mean? And it's, and I can see how my path is going to my my end result. And so that's, that's what I love about my journey. Yeah,

Aideen Ni Riada: I used to get tripped up with this idea of having a goal. I always, for me, having a big goal was a pressure. And so the idea of just sowing seeds, I would maybe I was holding, it must have been holding a goal in my mind. But in my mind, no, the seeds were the important thing, not the tree that was going to grow. And if I looked too much at the tree, it would be overwhelming. And I would feel I never going to get there. And sometimes I just had the wrong vision in my mind. Like, someone said, Imagine you own a yacht. Like it's a great, it's a big goal. And like, I don't really want to own a yacht. Yeah, I want to go on one from time to time. But my big goal is not. I don't know if it's a definable thing right now, like, for me, it's about doing the right thing right now, rather than having the right direction. And so there's a little bit of a learning there for me, maybe, but we are all have to work with, what's your what's your heart able for what's what feels good, what feels right for you. And nobody else is example, should be what you want to emulate entirely, because I don't think we're as designed to fit in, I think, I don't think we're meant to be different. So your journey is unique. My journey is unique. But the key is, start listening to yourself, start trusting yourself.

That's the biggest thing is trusting yourself. And that I actually went on a retreat here probably about oh, gosh, time flies by almost two months ago. And you have to set in, I knew that I had to set an intention before I went in my intention ended up being something totally different than what I came out with. And the biggest thing that I came out with is trust and believe in myself. I thought that I did. But no, not to the extent now to where I am to this day. And that's huge. You have to who else you're going to trust if you don't trust yourself.

Aideen Ni Riada: Yeah. And you learn self trust by trying the thing that you thought you might like to try. Yeah, I mean, I started learning self trust by ordering things on a menu I used to, like, scan the menu and see what what's my heart desire, you know, I was I wasn't reading each ingredient to see was it perfect for me with my brain. And that was one of the ways that I practiced my intuition. I practiced, you know, seeing what felt right. And so try it with something, try it with what book to buy, try it with, you know what to wear today. Try it, what small things and you will find that your self belief will grow

throughout your whole journey. What is it that you feel that you've learned the most?

Aideen Ni Riada: Self love? Self love? Yeah, I feel like that, that it's, it's a I mean, you can kind of care for yourself, or you might like certain parts of yourself, but self love is actually about loving all of you. And that's the part of you like, I mean, I still struggle with this sometimes because I'm, I do try to keep other people happy. Sometimes, and every now and again, I have to ask myself, Am I Am I making them happy? Without and then not admitting that I have a feeling that I'm unhappy in some way? Like, am I just pushing everything I need aside for this other person? And sometimes we don't want to have those conversations. We don't want to admit that what I want right now is different from what you want, you know? Do you let the other person choose the movie that you're going to go to every time do you have preferences are you do you allow yourself to have preferences and recognizing as well something like the fact about me is sometimes I'll get overexcited and I'll say something I'll blurt out something that might sound a blunt or too direct for certain people. And I have to explain this to new friends. Sometimes I said here I just want to warn you sometimes I can be really excitable or to direct. If I ever say anything that offends you, please let me know because sometimes I don't notice because I'm you know, I get excited about things. And there generally isn't any ill intent there, but I'd hate to hurt anyone's feelings and I, one of my big values as being kind. So we have to, like navigate our personalities are are the ins and outs of, you know, sometimes I you know hangry how many people get hangry they're listening, you know, it's good to let someone know, I actually feel like irritated right now I need to eat, and be honest about stuff and you don't have to be perfect to be lovable.

What advice would you give somebody that is searching to learn how to love themselves?

Aideen Ni Riada: Start with the easy stuff, start to appreciate the stuff that that's easy to like about yourself, and I have nice skin or I have good good taste in films. You know, I am a good friend. But I remember one of the first things that I didn't realize about myself, one of my meditation teachers said to me one day ating, you're a kind person. I know when what am I? Because we don't see our own good qualities. Because usually, other people take those things for granted. My parents never said 18 is kind, I think they'd probably convinced me I wasn't kind. Because I tended to avoid housework. I think my mom used to say, you know, my sister was the one who did the housework. And I always feel like, well, I'm the bad kid, because I tried to avoid that kind of stuff, you know. And so but we need to understand that, you know, we don't have to be perfect to be lovable. And you've got great qualities and focusing on those first, and be around people who see goodness in you. Like if somebody is complaining about how who you are and how you are all the time, they might not be a good friend, you know, sometimes it's better to be around people who actually think you're pretty cool, because you probably are pretty cool.

Absolutely. So the final question that I have to ask you is, tell us about your business? How would people get a hold of you. And all of this information that she's giving us is going to be in the podcast notes. So if you miss what she's saying, just go to the podcast notes. Thank

Aideen Ni Riada: you so much for letting me share this. So I've recently written my first book, which is a very short 30 minute read called discover your true value, and how to step forward with with confidence and clarity. And it's a few simple techniques. It's very, very easy techniques. And I have an online course that's a companion to that book, but it's available on Kindle, Amazon, and there's an audio book will be available soon and a physical copy. So that's one easy way and I have my website, the best way to find my website is Aideen. And ni ne reata ri ada.com. And I look forward to hearing from any of you, I have a free call, you can book free call with me have a chat and see if it's something that you'd like to do more of. And I have a great YouTube channel, like I have a podcast of my own. So there's lots of content there. That is readily available for free. If you want to hear some of the kind of I think that I choose guests that I aligned with that are going to have, you know, information that would be of use to people that is also what I would feel it'd be important. So I think that podcast episodes are a great way to, to evolve and to learn.

Well, thank you so much for being on my podcast. And the biggest thing that I love about having this podcast is the opportunity to meet so many people literally around the world to find out what they do because there are so many of us. I have been there where I know that I have felt that I am the only one. And you know what, you are not the only one. And that's what's so special about my podcast and yours as well too. So I want to thank you so much for coming on my podcast being a part of my journey sharing our energy together. And so thank you. Thank you.

Aideen Ni Riada: Thank you so much, Shannan, and thank you all for listening