Pathways to Purpose: My Ascension Journey - Part 1 | EP105

Hello everybody. My name is Shannon, and welcome to my podcast, fulfillment in faith. What I'm going to do is I'm actually going to switch up how the podcast is going to go. Now, for months, I have had the most amazing guests on my podcast sharing their story and talking to us about their journey, how they've had their moments of silence, what they've learned during their process, because there's so many of us out there that we really, really feel that we are alone and that we are the only ones, and it has inspired 1000s and 1000s of people, but what I've really come to know lately is I am really being drawn to share my story once again, but also to reflect on the last five years of my life, because there are so many things that I have learned on this journey, and this is my calling. I have found my purpose in my pain. So the podcast today basically is going to be all about my upbringing, my addiction, and then from there, from the episodes on, I'm going to be sharing with you all of these beautiful life lessons. So here we go. Start from the beginning. Wow, God, ha, I can't even believe how my life is totally, completely transformed to where I was to where I am now. And I truly, truly look at this as a blessing. So my story actually starts even before I was born. I was born into a family of addiction, mental health, illness and abuse, and how it all started was with my father. My father was a raging alcoholic, physically abusive, and of course, because of the addiction that he had to alcohol, he be he also had mental illness as well too. So he abused my entire family and the brunt of his abuse was to my mother and to my oldest brother, to make a long story. Story Short, when it what ended up happening was he ended up committing suicide when I was about two and a half. It was somewhere in there. So I don't remember any thing about my father, there's really only one or two memories that I can remember about my father, and that's basically about it. So when my father crossed over to the other side, what took place was my oldest brother actually started to take on the role of my father, so he became the abuser in the family. So growing up, I grew up in a environment where I was full of fear all the time because my oldest brother was always there, and the relationship between my mother and my brother was also an addiction all in itself, because my mother could not see past the abuse that her and my oldest brother endured together. So they basically have walked their entire life hand in hand, and it is still like that to this day, the abuse basically was normalized within our family, and it wasn't till later on in life when I realized, holy smokes, this is not normal. And how I came to realize that was as I got into my school years and I started to have friends, and I was being exposed to other environments going to my friends houses. I had seen how my friends were receiving love from their parents or their siblings, and there wasn't fear within these households. So that was actually my contrast. So I was exposed to other environments, which was my contrast to what my normal was, of abusive house and a house full of fear, and growing up with my oldest brother always being there, because basically what he did is he took on the father role I was brought up where I was told I was dumb, I was stupid. I was never going to mount to anything, and my mother would do nothing. He would smack us upside the head. He would throw us against the wall. We'd be eating supper at the dinner table, and he would just walk by, and he would randomly smash our faces into our plates, and he would just think that was absolutely funny. As a five year old, I can remember eating an ice cream cone. And how many of us still to this day, when you see an ice cream cold cone, or you're holding it, there's those moments of joy, like you just so excited, like those you. Childhood memories that just you just start to feel like a child again. Well, I was robbed of those, because if I was eating an ice cream cone, he would smush the ice cream cone in my face, and then he would just laugh. He would just think that was the funniest thing ever. I'm 55 years old now, and back in the day, there was hardly any toys, so I had a few select Barbies and maybe one or two dolls, and what he would do is he would rip off the limbs, and he would rip off the head, and he would laugh, and he would take a pen and he would write genitals all over my Barbies and my few select dolls, and I would be devastated. And this was the mentality of this man. He liked to see us hurt. He liked to see us cry. He thought it was funny. It gave him power. But I look at it now, and I cannot believe what a weak individual This man really was. And of course, once again, my mother, she never did absolutely anything, nothing. So growing up, I disliked my brother and my mother so much. I had so much resentment towards them. I had no respect for my mother at all, like none. I never had a mother figure. I never had somebody that said, Shannon, I love you. Nobody that I could actually go to and feel safe. And that was my environment. So as I got into my teenage years, that was when I started to have my beginning role of being a people pleaser. I would do anything to have friends. I was very athletic. So that was my outlet. Was sports. I never ever wanted to come home, because I always knew that my brother would end up being there in some form. Then as I got older into my high school years, depression really started to kick in. And back in the 80s, nobody talked about chronic depression. My depression was so bad. Looking back now, I couldn't even get out of bed. I was in grade 11 and grade 12, and my marks were slipping so bad, so bad, and all I wanted to do was sleep. I was always late for my classes. And then that was when the suicidal thoughts really, really started to kick in. I had no self worth. And the worst thing about it was I was making it a reality of what my brother had told me all my life, that I was a loser, that I was never going to amount to anything, that I was dumb, I was stupid, because what eventually end up happening is I didn't graduate from high school, I was absolutely devastated for the fact that, oh my gosh, I am a loser now I am dumb, and I couldn't get past any of that. Another thing was, I don't even truly believe that my other siblings even realized that I didn't even graduate, because nothing was ever really brought up about that they were just as dysfunctional as I was. I came from a family of high dysfunction, and that was normalized to us right after I was done school which I did not graduate, I basically ran I grew up in in a small town in Saskatchewan, and I couldn't leave that small town quick enough because of the reputation that I had made of myself as well, too. During my grade 11 and 12 year, I was looking for love in all the wrong places, and I'm not proud of what I had done, and I'm not proud of it to this day, but at the same time, that was a process that I had to go to go through. And there's a lot of people that are still stuck in the past, and they they're extremely judgmental, and you know what? That's okay, because the only person that it really matters to and my life is me. And it's a lot easier to judge other people than to really look at yourself and start speaking the truth of who you are and living in that true, authentic aspect of who you are. And I can honestly say that I am there, and I am so freaking proud of myself. So when I got into my 20s and my 30s, that was when I really started to step into the role of being a people pleaser, and I was also a chameleon. I turned into what everybody wanted me to be, because I was afraid. I was afraid that people would not like me.

So I had all these different roles. I could walk into a room and I could be this party animal. I could walk into this room and I could be the classiest person that you could ever see. I could walk into this room and I could. Get into a conversation like I lit up the room. But the problem was I wasn't me. I had lost who I was, and I had did that all throughout my 20s and all throughout my 30s, and because I wasn't living my true, authentic self, and I didn't know that I didn't love myself, I had no clue about any of that I had attracted like minded people. I had attracted people into my life that did not love me, that did not respect me. So I endured no physical abuse, but I injured a lot of mental abuse, people that did not like me, people that used me. I could lift everybody else up, but I couldn't lift myself up. And I thought that I was doing the right thing, that people were liking me because I was doing that. So eventually, what ended up happening as well is I ended up marrying into a family that I did. Think I did. I thought that they did truly love me, and I thought that my husband actually truly loved me as well. But now, as the years have gone by and I've gone through the marriage I see now how everything has unfolded and why I am in the process of getting a divorce right now. But the one thing that I love most about myself is I can see how my past has been a journey, and it's been one learning lesson after another, and I take full ownership of responsibility in every area of my life, and I can see why I attracted these people. Because the biggest thing is, and you need to understand is, we are vibrational beings in a vibrational world, and everything that is inside of us is a vibration and that goes outward into the world. So what I did, throughout my whole entire life, because I was on such a low vibration of fear, anxiety, depression, all of that, I was attracting people like minded. So I had attracted all of these people into my life, and I get that. How can I attract people that love me if I do not love myself? How can I attract people into my life that want to take care of me if I'm not willing to take care of myself, and I am letting people walk all over me, and I am being a people pleaser, and I am being a chameleon. What I attracted was negativity and toxicity, and I totally get that, and I totally understand that, and that was why I can take responsibility. But the moment that I realized all of this, everything changed within my life, and that was August of 2019 that was my awakening to awareness. It got so bad for me prior to that, and I can go into deep detail, but that would probably take a whole hour, all in itself. And what ended up happening with me throughout my years of being a people pleaser and a chameleon is I kept on suppressing and suppressing and suppressing all of my feelings and emotions. I had such resentment for my upbringing, for my past, for my last name, for my family, because I didn't feel protected. I had so much resentment towards my brother who abused me. I had so much resentment towards my mother who didn't take care of me like a proper mother should. I eventually became addicted to alcohol. It was so bad for me that I started drinking at 630 in the morning, and I was being a high function alcoholic all throughout the day, and I was drinking six bottles of wine, I became extremely suicidal. I basically have turned into my brother, and I can say that because I resented him so much, and I disliked him so much, and what I concentrated on the most in my life was I did not want to be like him, but what you concentrate on the most in life, you actually become so I became My brother. I became addicted to alcohol, I became not physically abusive, but that could have came easily, and I'll be honest with you, I could have easily physically abused, especially my children, but I came emotionally abusive, and I ended up in an institution, just like my brother. My brother has been in and out of jail. Wow. And I ended up in an institution of a treatment center. So I became my brother. So when I woke up, I had my awakening to awareness. These are all of the things that came into reality. And I was just like, wow, oh my gosh. The only person that can change any of this is me, Shannon. I'm the only one that can change this. And it was in that moment, I was looking at my children, and I was looking at myself, and I was thinking, I have normalized my upbringing for my children, and that is so wrong, and I'm not doing that anymore. I in that moment, decided that I was going to be the best mother I could possibly be. I was going to be the best person for myself, and I was going to be a mentor no matter what. And that was when my life totally shifted and changed. I did not know what I was going to do going forward, but all I knew was there was changes that had to be made. And I was at my all time high of 188 pounds. Like, oh my gosh, you guys. I was so unhealthy. I didn't if you go back onto my Facebook page and you you go back to like, 2017 2018 I look like I'm about 60 years old. Like even older now I look like I'm in my 30s, and I get told that all the time, and that was because I had released all of my fear from my body, my toxicity. I'd have totally changed my life, and I am so freaking proud of that, because now I can look at my my children and and I can be so proud of the mother and the woman that I am today, and from that moment on, I'll tell you everything totally and completely changed. I didn't know how to do it, but my why was so damn strong, and still to this day, my why is so strong, and that's not going to change. So it was from that moment on when I started to take my power back. I actually started to sit in my stillness, and it was like, What do I want? I was asking myself these questions, what do I want?

And that was when I realized I can no longer be a talker, and I can no longer be a doer. I have to just be and that was when I really started to pay attention to all of the people around me and my environments and the situations that I was in. Because if I kept going on with the chaos and the noise that was going in my head and everything that was going on around me, I wasn't sitting in myself, in my silence, and I wasn't studying what was going on around me. And that was a huge moment for me. I did that for months on end, and that was when, like I said, I was listening to how people were talking to me, and I was realizing I don't like the way you're talking to me. I was be in environments that I didn't want to be in anymore, especially where there was alcohol or anything involved like that, and I'm like, I don't want to be in that anymore. And that was when I really started to set my boundaries, and I started to realize, what does Shannon want? And it was from there that I could actually go forward. I could set boundaries. I no longer hung out with people that disrespected me. I no longer became a people pleaser anymore. I didn't have to be a chameleon, because day by day, I was realizing what Shannon wants. And it was from there that I continued to grow and to become the woman that I wanted to be. And it was also from there that I realized too, that the connection between me and the universe is the most powerful thing ever. If I start trusting in the universe, I'm going to start trusting in myself, and I'm also going to be guided into the right ways that I am supposed to go. And that is exactly what I have done, I trust myself. I know that inner voice with inside me is what I want and is my soul, and that is the direction that I'm going in life that is so so important. And then from there, I started to share my story. I started to open up more and more, and it was the most beautiful thing, because I was starting to release all that fear and judgment that I had towards myself. I realized it was no longer about what other people thought of me, because the only person that was going to make the changes within my world was B so I started to share my story openly, and the most beautiful thing started to happen, because people. Looking at me like I had this perfect world, but I was so far from being perfect. And then they realized that, oh my goodness, if Shannon can actually start sharing her story, then I can too. So people were starting to come to me, and they were starting to tell me little tidbits about their life and what their experiences were. And then I decided I'm going to write my book. So I ended up writing a book called, How in the hell did I get here? Because how many of us out there wake up and we think, How in the hell did we get here? Whether it's you end up having an addiction, or there's financial problems or there's problems with the relationships, all of us have a story to tell. All of us do. That's why we're here on Earth. We are here to experience the good and the bad, and it's from those bad experiences where we get the most from it, because that's where we grow. If everything is just perfect, lickety boo, it's all great. We're not learning at all, we're not advancing, we're not going forward. So with my book, it was the most beautiful thing, and I didn't realize it at the time. It was the most freeing experience I ever had. And the thing about my book was too was I wasn't writing it for me. I was writing it for somebody out there that had experienced the exact same thing that I went through, and all I wanted to do, all I wanted to do was help them. And still, to this day, that is all a part of my why I want to help you. I want to help you get through whatever you're going through. It's not all about addiction. That was just a fragment of my story. I've lost a baby. I have been in relationships with I was married to a narcissist. There's just so many learning experiences that I'm going through, and I want to share them all with you, and that's why I'm here. And then from there, I ended up creating my podcast fulfillment in faith, and I have people all over the world that, as you know, have been sharing their story. I From there it was like, I want to become a public speaker. I want to share my story. I want my story to get out there in the world, because people need to hear what I have to say. And I truly believe that. So I ended up doing a TED talk. I went to Las Vegas. I got accepted. And I went to Las Vegas, January 27 of 2024 and I got accepted into my TED Talk. And when I walked out on that red dot, let me tell you, I knew I was home, it was the most amazing and beautiful thing I have ever experienced. And when I stood out there and I did my talk, and I received a standing ovation and the tears that were pouring out of people's eyes, I was like, Oh my God, that just showed me that I have got something to say. And it was the most beautiful moment, and that was when I stepped into my power. And I think I will always get teary at that moment, because that moment changed me. It made me even stronger. It was confirmation that you're doing the right thing, Shannon, and I will never, ever, ever forget that moment. It was so beautiful.

And then after, when I had done my TED Talk, for the people to come up to me after, and they're like, oh my gosh, your speech resonated with me in so many different areas. So go on to YouTube, and you will find my TED talk on there. And then also throughout my whole journey, too is I've actually created programs. There are different level programs, and it's my business is called fulfillment in faith. And you can actually go onto my website, Shannon kim.com and there's my programs right there. And what I do is I teach people to find their greatness within and you do not have to have an addiction. It is so much more than that because of all the things that I've experienced. And what I've done is I've created throughout my programs, I've got my own 12 step program, the 12 steps that will get you to where you deserve to have everything in your life. You have to know what you want. You have to sit in your stillness. You have to look at your past, and you have to realize that that was your past. Let it go. You have to take responsibility in your life. In order to go forward, you have to create what you want for your future. You have to see it. You have to learn to believe it. You. To get rid of that old identity. That's what's stopping you from creating that new version of yourself. You have to step into that new version. I have totally and completely changed I am, my end result version. I see it. I believe it. You guys can see it just by looking at me from where I was to where I am now, and that is the most beautiful, beautiful thing. I am no different than any of you. I believe in myself. And you know what the most beautiful thing is, too is I believe in all of you. I believe that every single one of you that is going through a tough time right now, you can get out of it because I've been there. So basically, that is my story in a nutshell. I could go on into greater detail, but all I can say is, over the next however many weeks or months I've got so much to share with all of you. I'm going to be explaining to you all of my 12 steps in my program, that I live totally and completely on a daily basis because I live my program. I talk my program. I am my program. I sleep, my programs. I eat, my programs, I am what you see. So in closing, I want to say thank you very much for all of you that have listened to my podcast today, I am looking forward to continuing on, sharing my thoughts, teaching you guys this is the best thing ever. And if you know somebody that needs to hear this podcast today, send it to them. And I want you to share this. I want you to write a review, and I want you to subscribe. So all I'm saying is blessing to everybody. I love you. Have a great day. Everybody.