The Story of Marie and Mark

Welcome to Legendary Dads, where we wipe myths like, you can't be a successful entrepreneur and a loving president than we're tearing down lives by being well behaved and, you know, doing what they say you're supposed to do. We're blazing the trail to become high performance dads, the dad who's clear where he and his family are going, and why we are laying solid foundations to become Legendary Dads.

Hey, guys, it's so good to see you here. I'm so happy and excited about this process that we're starting here. And really appreciate you coming to check this out. I just want to do a quick introduction on this episode, explain what's going on here. I have Brandon with me, and he's actually not my guest. This episode, I'm the guest. And the strange thing about that is I have 55 years of life to talk about and to share about and I like talking. And so when I get talking about myself and my life, which I know so much about, I often get distracted or I get caught running down rabbit trails and things like that. And I wanted to keep this relevant and to the point for you guys. But this first episode is supposed to be about me, and about why I'm here what I'm doing here and how I got to this place. And so I've invited Brandon to come and to interview me for this first episode. So that he kind of keeps me on track. And we can keep things flowing in a good direction. And so I really appreciate you coming to do that Brandon. And Brandon comes to me from the AMPLIFi youth group who are helping me to get all of this going here all the background work on the podcast. So thank you so much, Brandon, and really appreciate you coming to do this for me. And I'm gonna let you kind of, we'll just switch chairs here and I'm gonna let you take over and and lead us down the right path here. Absolutely,

thank you, Kevin so much. I'm I'm honored to be a part of your show. And a part of the show creation. This is such an exciting episode, because this is where we get to learn about who you are, and what brought legendary dads to the world. We want to hear what your mission with this podcast is going to be and what it is that you're doing to support fathers in their journey to become legendary on their own. So I'm excited and honored to be a part of this process with you. So thank you for having me. I would like to start with the most blunt question I could possibly bring up which is what is legendary mean to you? If you could tell us what that is as a jumping off point. Let's go with that.

Good question. And important one. Yeah, for sure. You know, I debated that a bit. And because it's a it's a word that can mean a lot. And I guess honestly, one of the things that triggered it was this shirt for those who are on the audio program, I'll show it to the guys are watching video, but for those that are on the audio program, it's a shirt that says legendary dad, and it's got a picture of Captain America and his typical Hero Pose there. And my kids it's one of the shirts my kids gave me recently at the Christmas was Father's Day and my birthday which are always right next to each other. And you know and so I was thinking about you know, me and what I want to do and and my aspirations for my fellow dads and for men in general. It just, it struck me as a really cool title to aspire to. But the thing is, I guess for me I always think of legend as one of those titles that you get posthumously right after you're gone then people think of you as a as a legend the stories are told and sure they might get a little exaggerated and and you've become a legend usually after your con now these days we have some people refer to as living legends in different areas. And I don't know how seriously we take that depends on on the situation I guess. But I'll just say this other point about that is it could mislead people to thinking that everybody that on the show that we think we're legends, but that's not what I'm going for. What I'm going for is this idea of what does it take to become known as a legend? I mean maybe when you're older and in kind of late in in yours. But even more to the point is that your family, your children, your grandchildren, great grandchildren will look back on you and think that was ways about you and what you given to them. And when I think about my aspirations for what I want to leave for my family, I want it to be something that is a legacy that can't be taken away. Yes, there's going to be a financial aspect to that. But that is so easily gone, right? So, for me, it's more focused on the lifestyle, a life lessons like learning how to live a good life, how to be a good person, how to bring other people into that kind of lifestyle. And it seems really huge. And grant. And I think that, that kind of thinking is needed. And when I look at all the groups of people around the types of groups of people, whether it's religious or otherwise, the groups that really grow are the ones where people feel challenged, where there's some high goal, something of value, something that they can clearly work towards, and fight for. That's what people get excited about, that's when groups of people, any kind of group will grow and thrive as a as an organization or as a community. So that's part of what I want with this is not to be the legend that tells everybody how it happens. But to be part of a process that builds up this this lofty goal to aspire to. And so I think legend is one of those words, that is still is still held in esteem. And I hate to say it, but word like hero, it's gotten a little washed out, I'm sad to say, because you know, these days, every time you walk someone across the street, or take a cat out of the tree, you're a hero. Those are good things to do. Don't get me wrong, but you know, do they match, you know, the level of hero that we used to have, you know, not so much. So,

in that, in that regard, it sounds like a hero is is an act, whereas a legend is a legacy. There's a real tenure to the effort, and the consistent actions put forth. So it sounds to me like you really want to dive down into what it is to be a father. And what what does it take to be a legendary father? What are those actions? What are those consistent times and ways that you show up for your family? Absolutely. Yeah. So you're gonna be having conversations with everyday dads figuring this out? Or do you have a framework that you're helping people to to become legendary?

I haven't developed a framework. I think in order to have done that, I would have to be at least halfway there myself. But yeah, it's a combination, or, you know, currently in the lineup of ordinary everyday dads that sort of, nobody's heard of friends of mine. And, and there's some guys that are, you know, have some, some famous that were in the world, and known in different circles. And so it's, it's, but it's really all just about their life experience. And what can we learn from each other, regardless of any sort of current status we have in the world?

Yeah, my favorite podcasts, this is going to be one of them, because it's all about you being instead of the know it all, who has all the answers, you're the lead investigator, you're the one with the curiosity that is driving these, these questions to figure out who knows something about leaving these legacies? And what are the tools and tips we can learn from these individuals? So we're applying them in our day to day living?

I love that phrase lead investigator. That's cool. Absolutely.

And it's your curiosity, right? You're following your curiosity and the audience, we're all going to thrive because we are following along with what it takes to become legendary based on your curiosity.

That's so exciting. Yeah.

So I'd love to hear a little bit about your story. And what led you to being here? What has been the seed that has grown into the need to have this podcast? What was that seed planted for

you? I think there's a there's been a couple of things. One thing from years back was, like 2520 25 years ago, was this idea of probably two ideas. One was thoughts around leadership and the fact that there's been a void of leadership in so many areas of the world for so long. The other more directly relevant is the concept of a good male example. What is what is a good man and this is look, I'm talking 25 years ago, where this wasn't quite as much of an issue. I think it was becoming an issue in the world, socially in terms of masculinity and you know, on, the more recent phrase of toxic masculinity has become the never ending story. But so perhaps we need it even more now. But that was just this idea was one of the early seeds of that. One of the things more recently, that's really, really been a big motivator. And a drive is just what I've been going through in the last six years, and especially in the last sort of three years of that, where there's just been a lot of major challenges and transformations going on with me. And what I've been learning about myself through that has really brought me to a place of really understanding that we really can do more and to better as men, certainly, as people around the world, but But of course, I'm, I think more always about from my own perspective, right. And, and that, that of my own journey has been a really, it's been a big catalyst and a solidify of my desire to focus on this. And to help other guys learn some of the things I've been learning without going through the necessarily the crap I've been going through. Now, I'll say, because I'm sure the question is, what is this, that you've been going through and what you've been learning. So just take take a step back to six years ago, my four kids, and so the four kids and my wife and I were heading home from a drive in, in the early morning, 115 in the morning. And we were hit head on by an impaired driver. And we all survived. And we've had a whole range of different outcomes from different injuries and so on. From an objective standpoint, it's quite a fascinating case study. But so we've spent the last six years recovering and healing in all different ways from that. And it, it's hard to imagine what that means for six people to all be in the same situation like that all together. I mean, you can imagine if one person in your family was in a collision, and you had to try to walk through that healing with them, brain injury and physical injuries, and so on, that would be challenging. For six of us, all going through at the same time, this just beyond comprehension. And so I don't want to dwell too much on that, and certainly don't want to dive into specifics today. But I suppose suffice to say that, it really for me, at this point, I'll just talk about how that really, it really challenged me in a lot of ways to, to pick up my game, I started to notice things. It's it was like this crucible that just really refined and focused attention on what am I doing this working? What am I doing is not working. Because every step, every word in the house had an impact on people. And it could be catastrophic. That really could be so it was a time of really getting clear on, you know, who I am and what I'm doing and why. But as far as working with other dads, I guess one of the key things that came out of this process was I'm still amazed at what I'm capable of. I mean, six years now of struggling of people healing and some most of us are much better. We still have things going on with some of us, but

it's exhausting. And it, it really showed me how far I can go. And you know, there was a point where day after day, I just like I just get out of bed and go I don't know. I don't know what we're gonna do. I might make breakfast maybe I don't know, kids might go to school. I don't know. We'll see. It was it was just brutal, too. It's like, you think you're getting to your limit. You're just done. Then you realize, oh, no, I made it to there. I can go another day. And then I can go another day. And the point of that, really, for me in the broad sense was I'm just capable of so much more than I ever even wanted to imagine. And I thought, well, if I can do this, a lot of people could do this because I'm not that special, I'm not somehow unique as human. I'm different. Yes, we are all a little different. But I'm not some superhuman, I'm not Captain America with special abilities. But I was determined to make it work, I was determined that I was not going to walk away from a family that needed me or to give up on myself or them. I mean, that was sort of a base level. necessity for the process, that I wasn't willing to quit and give up on myself for them. So there was that. And I really, you know, think back on my life, and some of the people that I know now, and I think they they given up in a way, there's like, I can't do that it's too much. It's too late for me, I'm too old, or it's been too long enough. You know, I don't know how to do that. And I just kept thinking, but you can, it's possible, you can do it. And it's so worth it. I mean, what what we went through. And what we've learned sticking with it, is absolutely worth it. It was really tough. But it was worth it. And most of the things that we have to go through in life are not nearly that tough, right. And so I have to remember to be gracious, because one of the things I recognized is that whatever you're going through, assuming it's the worst thing you've been through so far, it's kind of the same as what I went through, because what I've just been through is the worst thing that I've been through. And what makes them kind of a level playing field is, when you're going through the worst thing that you've faced yet. You don't know how to do it, and you don't know if you can, and you may not have all the resources you need. So you have to find them. You may have to learn things, you may have to bring in other people or whatever the case may be. And so when people compare, and they hear my story of oh, well, you know, I've never been through anything that bad. Well, but you've had to face your worst thing. And that was difficult, and you learn from it, and you grew through it. And something worse may come along, hopefully not hopefully not too bad. So it just kind of really strengthened that desire. And the other thing about this, and the reason why I like the the one reason I liked the image of Captain America, and not that I want to use that in the sort of, in the general sense here, but it touched, one of the things that I had to deal with through this process was not just endurance and the willingness to keep going, but recognizing that I was fighting for someone, or something, and not just for myself. And I know a lot of guys who struggle with this, I was raised to believe that fighting was bad aggression, and fighting and violence were all the same thing. And they were all bad. No guns allowed in the house, no toy guns. And so I haven't, most of my life, I haven't really fought for anything or anyone. Because I just had this inner belief that it was bad. Well, I've gotten rid of that. And I wouldn't even be able to do this podcast now if it wasn't for my willingness to fight for what's good fight for myself, for my family, and start fighting really for other men, or other dads and what they need as well. And so that's just another part of the puzzle for me, is recognizing these things about myself that were not helpful. And that might not have been true. That I need to make adjustments in in order to be the best that I can be for my kids, to fight for them.

Hopefully, I never have to physically fight for them, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, take a stand and work hard for what we need, what they need, what I need in order to help them. And that's, that's a really big thing becoming who I need to be to accomplish what I want to accomplish.

That's, that's incredibly beautiful. I'm so glad to hear that your family all made it through the tragedy. And the fact that you've found some real beautiful areas of growth and opportunity from that as well. It's amazing that it takes something like that, to prove to ourselves how resilient we can be and that there is fight in us for the things we need and the things we want And to be there for our families. Yeah. What a powerful experience.

Yeah, for sure.

What is the fight in you right now? What are you fighting for?

Honestly, the biggest part of it right now is fighting for me. And that's about the growth that I'm still going through. Like I said, this podcast, right, this is something that I thought about for years, but didn't have the will and determination to, to put it together and to put myself out there and. And in doing that, essentially, what I'm doing is I'm raising the necessity within myself to do this good work. And I know, I'm not the only one. I mean, you and I were talking earlier about how there's so many. There's so many guys out there, trying to help each other and build up. And so I know that, but it's unnecessary work. And for me to do that, a big part of it has been recognizing the importance of it, and that there are guys who need to be honest, there are guys who need my support, and my voice and my, my perspective. Not only me, but me as well. And so I'm really looking forward to and enjoying working with other men, and kind of bringing our resources, our strengths and skills and perspectives together to help each other really build something amazing. And really, and that building of something amazing is dads who are at their best and who are giving their families their best. That's great

as you are supporting men, in finding out what it takes to be their own version of legendary and creating a legacy for their family. What is that legacy for you and your family?

Honestly, I haven't been able to define that in a way that I could put into a sentence right now. But what I do know is that it's, it's revolves around how we live life. And that starts with being knowing how to be ourselves, understanding what our purpose is. And there's a lot that can be said about purpose. It's not necessarily one lifelong overarching thing, but I really don't just want to give my kids a lot of things that they need. I want to make sure that they know, you know how to find the right, how to find the best partner for themselves, how to find, you know, how to build the kind of relationships that can stick through, hopefully they don't have to, but can stick through something like what we went through how to share what they have their uniqueness with the people that are in their sphere of influence, so that they can spread to others, what I'm trying to share with them in terms of how to be the best version of yourself, and how to bring out your gifts and share them in a way that that is uniquely yours. And that has an incredible impact on the world because of it. And so it's it's this idea generally of just creating a really good life, morally, spiritually, I guess, and, and socially. Because that's the big issue right now. I think it will be for many years to come, just the social fabric of our societies is kind of, I guess, falling apart. So they need the strength of character to be able to stand strong in what might be a really tough time to live in the coming years in terms of the the general social challenges and the divisions that are building and so on. So if they not only develop that character, but understand how they developed it and how to pass that on, that would be huge.

Absolutely. And may I ask what are some of the tactical approaches that you have with your family to help them develop and gain those awarenesses and skills?

Well, honestly, the first step is always starting with me And it keeps coming back to that. It's because I can teach better what I already know. And, and have learned. And so often one of the great things about being a parent is you're constantly challenged to, to face things. One of my favorite memories was, we had to briefly share when the kids were younger. And we had to help them with bedtime. And I found myself getting really frustrated and angry at bedtime, and it was gone for an hour or so. And it was just getting, I hated it. I just hated bedtime. And somebody, I think, I think it might have been Dr. Kevin Lehman, who presented this challenge to me, but the thought came up about you know, why? Why, why am I so upset about this? I mean, my kids were actually having fun. And this was the, that was the source of the frustration. They were just having fun, and they weren't getting anything done. And I just wanted them to get into bed. So I had to stop and think about, okay, why is it that I'm angry, and they're having fun. And as I began to notice, that's what's happening, and I go, well, what could possibly be a good reason to be angry when your kids are, are laughing. And when I came to was the realization that the longer bedtime went, the the longer it was before I could go sit down on the couch, watch TV with my wife, and just veg and think about nothing. You know, a customer, not dealing with customers anymore, or clients or plans, not dealing with everything that kids need. Just just parent time, adult time quiet at the end of the day. Excellent. I recognized that. I was angry because I feared that they were taking that away from me. No, I wasn't going to get that. Oh, well. Okay. So now, I can look at this and go okay, well, now that I understand that, hey, I can stop being angry about it. Be I can look at, well, how can I make it so that they can have fun. And I know that I'm going to get my time. And so that's what we did when we started working through that process. So the core, one of the core lessons is that it's just self awareness. And so when I'm talking with my kids, they'll bring stuff up to me about what's going on at school or with a friend or something. And I will ask them similar kinds of questions like, Well, why are you feeling that way about what they said? Because it was stupid. Well, okay, I understand feels that way. But what, why, really? And why does it bother you particularly and, and so I will challenge them to be thoughtful and become aware of their own perspectives, biases, and things like that. And it's a lot of I didn't realize this until more recent years, but these are coaching questions. I've been a coach my whole life and didn't even realize it. Cuz I just love asking people these kinds of questions. Now I've turned it into my part of my income. But so that's, that's kind of a lot of the main stuff that I do. And it's but it's also I'll bring them challenges like these days, I'll, I'll see a tick tock that has some really poignant lesson in it. And then I'll share it with them. And just let them watch that. And passing on ideas that way, which is kind of fun. I don't have to have all the answers. I just know where where to get them.

Exactly. I love that awareness piece and helping your kids develop their own self awareness. Is that something you've rolled model for them? Like when you're in a challenge? Do you let them know the challenge you're facing and how you're dealing with it?

Not as much as I want to? I'm getting better at it. But I do Yeah, certainly a lot more. Now. I've begun to sometimes I'll do I will verbalize that. I'm just like, Oh, why am I thinking this way? Or why am I feeling this way? And I'll I'll just stop and think about it. And sometimes if they're when they're present and I ask that and they'll pipe up and go Well, maybe it's because of this Oh, yeah.

It's when they start putting me on coaching sessions back to you, you know you've done a well

which is is kind of awesome, but it's a catch 22 like my wife and I sometimes beat ourselves up because we taught our kids to. We've taught them to think and to question and, and to essentially negotiate for, for things. Well, then everything became a negotiation. Okay, we can't negotiate everything in life. So then we have to get Okay, here's what we're gonna tell you to do. And this is one of those non negotiables. We're just telling you to do it. Other times, we'll just say something that open for discussion. Yeah, okay.

I've often said with, I've often said with some parenting friends, that the traits that make very successful entrepreneur adult are usually traits that make a very frustrating child to try and put to bed or

Yeah, for sure.

Give and Take, right? Absolutely. Well, it sounds like you're finding some real balance between the recovery and the growth, and the developing skills around living your best lives. This must be an incredible journey for you and your family. And then for the audience members who are going to get to join along and participate. What is your vision for them? What is somebody going to achieve or receive from being a member of your audience?

Oh, practical steps. And just like the questions that you asked where it was, you know, you were just asked me about some actual things like, what are some of the technically, things that I'm doing? I wanted to provide that. I mean, I really want to have a lot of fun doing this. And I want to make sure that in every episode, there's a lot of good, practical things. It's not enough to say, oh, you know, you gotta listen to your kids. And you have to build a good relationship with them while Yeah, okay. But how do you do that? Really? Yeah. And, and just to, as that's a great example, so for example, with me, I've, I've learned to spend time with my kids in different ways. And so you know, my second daughter will spend time we'll go for a drive, we'll just go driving to nowhere. Because both of us like driving, but she is happy just to be with me in the vehicle, we don't have to have a deep conversation. We don't have to do anything. It can just be a drive and spending time together. And usually something will come up that we'll talk about and, and that's cool. And so it's learning to be with them in different ways or to do things. So for example, Hunter, I'm playing Rocket League with him. I suck at it. And it's frustrating. And I'm dragging him down. And keep apologizing to him. We enter a tournament and when he loses because of me, it's Oh, it's just put, you know, it's, it's more fun to do it with you than just to be, you know, all good on my own. Well, thank you, I think he's sincere. So I just take that as a as a kind gesture, as opposed to a bit of a backhanded compliment that I might get from an adult but so it's actually really cool to hear him say those things, because he's obviously been picking up these things. But yeah, so I, what I want is for people to, to really pick up some practical input. And I hope that people will share questions and challenges that we can approach directly in, in the podcast, either just when I do some on my own, or even just in conversation with other dads, where we might be able to address specific questions. And it's, as I said, it's kind of just in my nature to ask challenging questions. And so I, in the process, I want to challenge, I will challenge my guests to go a little deeper so that we can get to the root of, of how things are happening. So that might be a learning for them. But mostly, that we can challenge our listeners to go a little deeper, and ask those really relevant and challenging questions that are going to help them to learn and grow through that process.

Yeah, I can absolutely get on board for a couple of deep dive questions that might challenge some of my parenting perceptions, my ways that I've come to believe I need to be as a father, as a partner, even just as a man, I think what you have to offer is that moment of reflection as well. What are my opportunities today? How can I show up? What because these little questions are What can lead to or what is going to lead to a legendary existence. It's not those big Take moments where you finally rile up the courage to say yes to something, it's every day decisions to show up. And to be who want to be. In those moments, I think, I think you're right on the nose showing up for our kids, and learning how to be with them in different ways is such a big piece that doesn't seem big. But for those children, when their parent shows up and meets them where they're at, it does activities that they enjoy, that's going to be the legend that they remember the story, they tell their family, their friends about who their father

was. And for some of us, like me, the tourney near the beginning of the journey, we need to remember patients. And, and as you were highlighting the, it's kind of the compounding effect of just little consistent actions. And I, you know, in my own growth, I just, I get so impatient sometimes like, this is taking so long I want to, I want to dive into a subject. And I mean, you know, the High Performance Coaching, and it's so challenging, and it's awesome, but I just want to like, go so deep, and really get into it. But it's like no, actually can't just completely go to the bottom, you come up with the bends, right? So it's a matter of just going layer by layer, working it through and allowing time for the for the girls and the compounding effect of, of good and right actions over time for sure. And I see it with the kids, right, is where we've been patient and we go step by step, and we allow them time to grow according to their own character and needs, then you start to see it coming back. And that's, that's awesome and exciting. So yeah, I appreciate you pointing that out.

What is a challenge, a prompt, or a takeaway for audience members of this episode? What is something you would like to share, either as a tool or something that they can take away as a thought prompt?

I think one of the themes of so much of what I've done in the last few years, it's been that you're capable of far more than you know. And you actually do have what it takes. And I want to, I wish I could just kind of plant that belief in people's heads. Because it's, it's so phenomenal that I've seen, as I said, I've seen that in myself growing up that I really do have what it takes. And I can now I'm okay to call myself say that I'm a good husband, and I'm a good father. Whereas before, I didn't like to say that. Because I do have what it takes I'm good not because I'm perfect, or an amazing or any kind of legend, it's because I have all the little things is why I'm a good father, and a good husband, and the willingness to learn and grow. So if I could, if I could possibly just plant that seed, at least in people's minds that you do have what it takes. And that you you really are capable of more than you realize. So don't quit, don't give up. Let's work together to move to a better place and to just keep growing and see amazing things coming out in the future.

The legendary dad podcast is going to be legendary. They think you've got the seeds are planted already. And absolutely right. We are more capable than we think we are. And we don't need the big wake up call to realize it's time to take action on those things we desire and to be living at our best.

Amen to that.

Well, Kevin, I'm really honored that you gave me the space and time to ask you these questions. Is there anything else that you want me to share, or anything else you would like to share?

No, I appreciate that closing, and I really, thank you so much for doing this. I find it very helpful. And thank you on behalf of my listeners in the coming months and years, because that made it much better for them. I've no doubt. So, I mean, it's just where I'm looking forward to some amazing conversations. And I'm really excited for the people that we're going to meet and because the more I talk to people, the more I discover how many great guys that are out there that we can learn and grow and share with and that are recognizing that we really do need to share with each other what we know. Because no matter what our experience is, it's different from one another and so there's always something that we can learn from the other guy. And it's great to do it. It's actually it's fun once we get over this resistance to vulnerability and to being open with each other. It's great process of learning and growing, it can be challenging and so on. But in the end, it's worth it. So thank you for helping me to get this kicked off and sharing at least that part of my story for now. We'll we'll hear more over the months ahead. But appreciate everybody listening and joining us on this journey and thank you again Brandon for your part in in helping make this a worthwhile conversation rather than just a monologue.

It was an honor thank you for having me.

Have a great day everybody and we'll see you soon.