Self-Love - The Gatekeeper to Inner Wisdom

Welcome to the joyful journey podcast. If

you're uncertain about what you really want or unsure how to be

a force for good, you know this world craves, then this is the

show for you. I'm Anita Adams, your host and guide to finding

clarity and creating a life you love. Let's tap into our inner

wisdom, access our highest self and unleash joy. As we raise our

vibration, we heightened the collective consciousness and

that, my friends, is the joyful journey. Let's dive in. Hello,

my fellow joyful journey errs. I'm Anita Adams, your host and

today I want to talk about self love. Do you remember the first

time you felt unloved or unworthy? My memory takes me

back to a very specific day. I was five years old. And because

I was late for school, I missed the school bus that took my

class on a field trip to the aquarium. Back in those days we

walked to and from school by ourself. So when I showed up to

kindergarten and discovered an empty classroom, I turned around

and slowly meander back home. My mom and I lived in a one bedroom

basement suite. She had already gone to work, but my stepdad was

home and asleep in our bedroom. He wasn't actually my stepdad

yet. This was a few years before he married my mom, who was also

my best friend. If you were thinking I had some possessive

behaviors, you are absolutely correct. And I'm sure my

attitude greatly contributed to the challenges I had with this

man. I stood in the doorway watching my soon to be stepdad

asleep. Not sure exactly what to do. Should I poke him and wake

him up or just go play in the living room? He must have sensed

my presence and stirred. What are you doing home? He growled.

I missed the bus. You don't take the bus to school. We were going

to the aquarium today. At that he flew out of bed, yanked me

over his knee and gave me my first ever spanking. That memory

and the injustice of it is deeply ingrained and it marks

what I now consider a turning point in my young life. It was

the beginning or at least the conscious beginning of not

feeling loved which branched off into feelings of stupidity and

unworthiness. My relationship with my stepdad did not approve

over the years. As I moved into my teens, it became even more

strained and emotionally abusive. I was repeatedly told I

was stupid and constantly punished for ridiculous things

like putting the garbage in the garbage can incorrectly. public

humiliation was the favorite tactic used to control me. I

feel it's important to let you know that my stepdad wasn't all

bad. In fact, there were many good things about him and some

truly fun memories. They are just harder to recall and

overshadowed by the bad ones. I blamed my stepdad for a very

long time for making me feel insignificant, stupid, worthless

for beating me up emotionally instead of lifting me up like a

parent should. Fortunately, I had a mother who lavished me

with love and attention. And she made me believe enough in myself

to eventually work my way out of the dark cave, I got myself into

things improved between my stepdad and I after I moved out

when I was 20 a kinder, more caring relationship emerged, so

did forgiveness and even eventually love. Have you heard

the expression hurt people hurt people. Understanding this truth

certainly helped me Forgive my stepdad for his poor behavior.

Much work needed to be done on me though I needed to learn how

to love myself again, so I could change my behavior about my

intelligence, and my worthiness. I've worked hard on this really

hard, because I understood even all those years ago, again, with

much thanks to my mother, that it's our beliefs about ourselves

that put limits on what we achieve and the life we are able

to create and our beliefs can be changed. So I went to counseling

I read hundreds, hundreds of self help books. I took

workshops, I listened to audio tapes, I journaled, I became

mindful of all my thoughts and behaviors. I did all the things,

and slowly, ever so slowly, my love for self grew. Today, I

love myself deeply, wrinkles, belly fat, and all. I no longer

feel stupid when I spell a word wrong or don't understand the

meaning of something. I've come to recognize that I am a pretty

amazing human being, just like you, my fellow joyful journeyer

now, why am I sharing this story? Because the key to

accessing our inner wisdom is self love. If nature is the

sacred portal to our higher self, self love is the

gatekeeper. And I want you to love yourself so deeply, that

you can easily hear the whispers of your soul and create the

grandest, most beautiful version of your life. We all deserve to

have that it's hard to hear our inner voice of wisdom if we

don't have a lot of self love because our soul voice gets

drowned out by all the noise made by our inner critic and

that monkey brain nonsense that is non stop. What's more, in

those rare moments when we actually do hear our sole voice,

we doubt its wisdom. If our self love is low, we can't believe

what our soul voice is guiding us to do. And we tell ourselves

that we aren't capable of achieving such grandness. So we

shut out that voice, dismiss it, call it fanciful imaginings, and

even mock it. When our love for self is strong, on the other

hand, we are more open to receiving and acting on the

messages and wisdom from our soul. I want you to understand

that I came from a place of very low self love and self esteem

and was able to rise up above it and become a woman who truly

loves herself. And I want to share with you the lessons I've

learned that have helped me the most that have had the greatest

impact in boosting my self love. From my many years of working on

my own worthiness I've come to identify three practices that

are critical to boosting self love. I call it the self love,

trifecta, gratitude, self compassion, and self

forgiveness. All three can be daily practices. And if you

exercise these muscles, your love for self will grow more

quickly. Let me elaborate on each practice a bit more and how

they specifically relate to boosting self love. practicing

gratitude. This is truly a beautiful practice with benefits

that include releasing happy hormones, manifesting desires

and boosting our love for what is which of course includes

boosting our love of self. I like to encourage my clients to

practice gratitude while walking in nature, because it hastens or

quickens our love for self. Let me explain. When we continue to

invest time in nature, we begin to fall in love with it, all of

it, including its multitude of imperfections, which are

actually perfect. And soon we begin to recognize that we are

part of the beautiful fabric of the environment we are in. It is

this awareness that we are one with nature, that allows our

love for self to deepen. As we express our gratitude for the

environment, we are also accepting and appreciating the

imperfections which allow us to accept and appreciate what we

have labeled as imperfect within ourself.

That love and respect for nature literally crosses over to a

deepened love and respect for who we are. You cannot be truly

in awe of nature and not be in awe Have yourself, you are a

miraculous wondrous being. And being in nature shines a light

on that. So practice gratitude, and do it as often as possible

while in nature. Let's talk about the practice of self

compassion. You and I understand that the world needs more

kindness and compassion. What we might not think about as often

as we should, though, is how to be kind and compassionate to

ourselves, not just to others. I would argue that we have to

start there, we have to start with being compassionate with

ourself. If we truly want to move our world to a kinder

place. What does that look like? Exactly. It's being mindful

about our thoughts and how we talk to and about ourselves.

It's about being gentle with ourselves when we mess up

patting ourselves on the back when we do something well, and

encouraging ourselves to keep moving forward with our dreams.

Here's something I recommend trying. Make sure to listen to

my story that follows the recommendation before diving

into this exercise, though. Imagine yourself as a young

child, go back to a fond memory when you are happy, feeling

loved, and possess an innocence that radiates outward. Maybe you

are four or five years old, perhaps seven of the oldest. Can

you see this child in your mind's eye? Call upon that child

often and speak to them as you would speak to any child you

care about. With love, kindness, acceptance. Be intentional with

your words, and listen to what that child that is still

innocent and full of love, has to say to you. This exercise may

be triggering, so I want to share a personal experience that

may help. The first time I was guided to connect with my inner

child. I was in a confidence building workshop when I was in

my early 20s. And it triggered me I broke down into tears.

Well, actually more like sobs. I couldn't stop crying and the

facilitator who was woefully unprepared for someone like me,

didn't know what to do. It was a pretty horrible and embarrassing

experience all around that didn't serve to boost my

confidence at all. I was so distraught because I felt like I

was a disappointment to the child self that I conjured up.

In my mind's eye, I saw a little girl that I couldn't be there

for because I didn't have the self love I needed to give to

her. Here's an interesting thing that I learned many years after

that workshop, our inner child is already full of love,

brimming with love. In fact, we are born with this love, it is

our natural state of being. Our inner child understands what we

have often forgotten. And sometimes we need to allow

ourselves to simply receive that love from our inner child. So

when you evoke an image of your inner child, first, speak to

that child with love and compassion, and then allow that

child to speak to you. Open your heart, and let the love that

comes from that child to flow. If we allow ourselves to be open

to receive love from our child from our inner child, they will

guide us back to being a kinder, more compassionate person with

our self. What I'm asking you to do is to build a relationship

with your inner child. That relationship like all good

relationships, is about giving and receiving. And if you

nurture it, it will grow your love for yourself. The third and

final piece of this self love trifecta is self forgiveness. If

we don't forgive ourselves for the things we've done in the

past, we keep ourselves stuck in a drama in pain.

When we are stuck, we can't grow. Forgiving does not mean

forgetting In fact, we should never forget. I will not forget

my destructive behaviors that almost destroyed my marriage. I

will not forget that I was once a thief. I will not forget the

time I spanked my son I will remember all these things and

countless others and use them to guide me in making better

decisions. I can even argue those bad choices of the past

have shaped the woman I have become today because I learned

from them. We are the product of all our choices, including those

mistakes, and forgiveness is what allows us to blossom out of

the muck like a lotus. Did you know that the lotus is one of

the most beautiful flowers whose petals open one at a time, and

it will only grow in mud. In order for you and I to gain

wisdom. First, we must have the mud, the mistakes the obstacles

of life and its suffering. Forgiveness is like the sun

nourishing that flower allowing it to grow strong and open its

petals. It's a beautiful analogy, don't you think? To

practice self forgiveness. I recommend inviting your inner

child to join you the next time you go for a nature walk. Have a

conversation with that child and listen to them when they tell

you that you are forgiven. Children are such remarkable

creatures with the greatest capacity for love, compassion,

and forgiveness. Listen to your inner child with your heart wide

open, listen to the love and allow that love of self to

expand. I send you much love to my fellow joyful journeyer we'll

catch you next time. Thank you for joining us today on the

joyful journey podcast. If anything resonated with you,

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