Embracing Fear and Leading with Heart with Karen Hall | 007

Consuela Muñoz: In today's episode, we are going to be talking to Karen Hall, and she is the Queen of Empathy. Welcome Karen,

Thank you, Consuela. It's so nice to be with you.

Consuela Muñoz: Oh, I'm so excited now knowing that you're the queen of empathy and that you talk about emotional intelligence, I kind of have an idea of where I think you might lead from, from your strengths, but I did want to ask you, what are the key strengths that you've used throughout your career that's really influenced your leadership style?

Oh, well, this is a great question, and I really appreciate what you're doing on lead to achieve, because as leaders, so many times we feel alone and we don't want to reveal vulnerabilities. And so how can we ask somebody you know, how is it going over there with your team? And how can I improve what's going over here on my team? Because I need to look like everything is going just fine over here. And so what a great podcast you have where leaders can tune in and learn from each other and and feel safe in doing that, so I'm really glad that you're doing this. And as as a leader in my own life, we didn't really think of myself as a leader growing up, because I am behind the scenes kind of person. I'm the encourager. I love cheering for people, and I love and, you know, giving people pep talks. And as a coach, I do that all the time. And, and yet, I remember somebody said to me one time, you are such a leader. And I said, Me, I said, I'm not loud. I'm not like out there, you know, in the in the first one kind of thing. And, and they said, Oh no, people watch you, you know, do not realize that. And I didn't, I didn't realize that. And so when I saw how you could still be a leader, but be a quiet leader, but influence people in other ways. I owned that, and I was like, oh my goodness, that is so true. And then what was interesting was that gave me the courage to be out there and to be more visible and to overcome my fears. I had incredible fears about speaking in public, and so I that was one of the things that I had to overcome. But because I had such a desire to share the things that I had learned and I and I cared so much about helping other people, that was what gave me the courage to actually overcome my fears. And relationships are the most important thing to me, and connection is like air to me. And so I used those, those natural strengths, to build relationships in my life, and then to propel me forward, to motivate me to overcome my fears, to strengthen other people.

Consuela Muñoz: Oh, my goodness. So I love all that, and knowing that, it's interesting what you said, I wanted to pick up on that you didn't see yourself as a leader until other people pointed it out. Right? I feel personally that every person is a leader, whether you're leading an entire organization, a business group, your team, or even just yourself in your career, you're a leader, and everyone needs to understand where they lead from. So in your mind, not a leader, because I'm not loud and all these things, but when you realized you could lead in the ways that you do best, where your strengths lie, that made a difference in how you were able to achieve things. I would imagine

totally, it totally made a difference, because I did things that I wouldn't normally have done. And I remember this. I realized this when I was in high school, and so my my mom had pointed out that I was a leader, I oldest child, and so she had pointed out that in that way. But I thought, well, that's different. That's not like being, you know, the person that was leading a group, you know, at school or something, and and so she said, You should run for student council, and I'm like me. And she said, Yes. And I was like, Oh my goodness. And so I did, and I didn't. I didn't really know what to expect. I hadn't been in leadership or anything, and I won, and I had the best time. And so then I started taking on more and more leadership roles after that.

Consuela Muñoz: So I'm glad you shared that story with us all, because, and when I first heard it, I'm thinking at some point much further down the road. So you were still a pup in high school, you learned that you were a leader and were able to capitalize it, and I'm I'm sure that that made a difference throughout your career and all the things that you've done and all the things that you've sought after achieving, giving you that boost, knowing what you did well and using it purposefully to go after what you wanted to achieve. So I think that's amazing. Now you lead from relationship building and you talk about empathy and emotional intelligence, tell us a little bit more about why that's important for leaders, and how does that work?

Yeah, so, you know, a lot of times we we think, oh, you know, empathy, that's like one. Those soft skills. You know, we don't really need that in leadership. We're not going to invest in training on that for heaven's sakes. But what we're finding now is that people are so much more educated, and there's so much more in tune with the relationship we you know, we all talk about the know, like and trust factor, and how can we improve that, so that we can gain more customers, so that we can sell more products, so that we can build those relationships and collaborate, or whatever it is that we're trying to do as a leader in our organization. And so empathy is such a vital skill, because if I can, first of all have empathy for myself, that's how I dealt with my fears. I had empathy for myself, and I had to be kind to myself, I had to be compassionate when I had those fears and give myself a pep talk to be able to face that fear and to overcome it. Because, just because I ran for, you know, office in high school, I had to face fears over and over again, and each time I up leveled, I had to face the fears again. And so when I had empathy for myself, I gave myself permission to feel the fear and to do it anyway, and then I had empathy for other people, and I wasn't able to have empathy for other people until I had empathy for myself. Now it's really interesting, because I can, I can care about you when you're hurting, and I can show you empathy in that way. Maybe I see that you're afraid, and I can, I can reach out to you, but when I have fear and you have fear, then it's a little harder for me, because I'm focused on my own issue. So I first have to regulate my own emotions, and then I can have empathy to help you. And one of the things that I have found so interesting about empathy is that when I am able to have empathy for myself, it gives me a greater capacity to have empathy for you, and then we can build a team. One of the things that a lot of people don't understand about empathy is that empathy isn't just trying to put myself in your shoes. That's the way we always talk about empathy. But empathy is really trying to understand your situation as if I were you, and believe your story and be with you. Sometimes, I don't know if you've ever had a time where you felt a really strong emotion and someone just sat with you and he didn't have to say the right thing. A lot of times we worry, what should I say? What should I do? But when you have empathy, you don't have to worry about that, because all you have to do is love, and all you have to do is be with that person. And then what happens is the trust increases. That trust increases between us, your trust in yourself increases, and then we're able to move forward. And so one of the things that is very interesting about a leader is that when we're trying to make decisions, many times we're called upon in a crisis situation, why do we deal with this thing? Who do they call? You know when, when the airplane goes down and it has the terrible turbulence, they they need a leader to go and investigate. They need the leader to talk to the media. They need a leader to talk to those passengers on the airplane that dealt with this unexpected issue. They call on the leader. And so the leader, first of all, has to be able to be self aware, and they have to be able to regulate their own emotions so that then they can lead. And they need to recognize how they can help the people that they're leading. What are they going through? Are they in tune with what they're feeling? And then, if they have empathy, they make it safe for their team to share their feelings and to share with their experience, so that the leader can really help meet the needs of those people. And what happens next is it engenders this incredible loyalty, and then the cohesion that occurs and the resilience that occurs in the leader and in the team, and the the unity that is built is so powerful, and then that is how this team moves forward and accomplishes the results.

Consuela Muñoz: Wow, that that was a lot and and I think really important things in that we, because of the way people tend to think about empathy, like you're saying like we we have this idea of what empathy is, and it's like in this moment, you're not feeling great. Let me give you some empathy, right? You can be empathetic to my situation, but what you're talking about is so much deeper and so much more wonderful in that having empathy for yourself to start with. But the other thing I liked empathy for yourself, like put that mask on first right, empathy for your team, and how that drives trust and loyalty, which can also be engagement people willing to do all the things that they need to do, whatever is required to have the success for the team, because there is the empathy and trust with the leader. So I think this has been really informative. What are do? Do you have any quick actions, like a quick action that a leader listening to this could take to. Improve their empathy for themselves and their team. Yes,

I think it takes a moment to kind of pause. You know, when, when we're aware. First, we need to be aware of what's happening within our body. You know, maybe we notice our stomach is tensing, or maybe our shoulders are tensing, or we start to feel, you know, maybe our heart starts pounding. So we start to recognize within our body, and then we start to pay attention to things that are happening within other people. You can see expressions on people's faces, but you can also pay attention to other things. You know, like, like, is a person? Are they tapping their fingers? You know, there's different things that you can notice when another person is feeling uncomfortable. And then as as you learn these skills for yourself, you can teach those skills to your team as well. And so it's very important, because one of the things that happens that fascinates me is that as I regulate my emotions in a crisis situation, maybe you and I are both on this airplane and we're both experienced this turbulence and and who's going to take charge? Okay, so I'm the leader. I take charge. As I regulate my emotions, you feel calmer too. You naturally regulate. That's called co regulation, and that's one of the most powerful skills that a leader can have. But it takes knowing yourself, and it takes that self awareness, and then it takes self love, and then it spreads outward.

Consuela Muñoz: This has been really amazing, and I just want to ask you one more question, and that is, what do you feel like? Is your number one strength that you've used to help achieve what others think is impossible?

The number one strength that I have used is is courage, you know, to to really step outside of my fear, and I many times I take that step blindly. I don't even maybe I can just barely see the light for one step, but I don't know what's I don't know if the cliff is right on the edge or how far it is to the cliff, but I take that one step, and I take it in faith that I will receive enough light and knowledge to take the next step, and that has been really scary for me, but I, but I have, you know, practiced self love and given myself permission. It's okay if you feel afraid, you can still do it anyway, and that has helped propel me forward. I

Consuela Muñoz: love this. Thank you so much for being a part of lead to achieve it's

great to be with you, and I wish you all the best on your podcast.