57% of the humans on this planet are grieving

Why can it last so long? Why do some people seem to recover, and others struggle? Some stay sad, others angry, others recover, and thrive, but for those who don’t, that is a regret.

Possibly they have become their grief.

In the beginning, it can feel so overwhelming, that daily functioning is a struggle. The couple weeks after my husband died, I was in shock. By the end of the 2nd month, I thought I was doing ok. But in my third month, the reality of forever gripped my throat so fiercely, there was no more escaping reality, I bottomed out.

I recall, the heaviness as I woke, massive hot tears roll endlessly from morning till night. My body racked with sobs, shaking and drained.

That day lasted most of a week.

I worked my “program." I forced myself to get out of bed, shower, get dressed. It took effort.

Between waves of grief, I would intentionally focus on “identifying”. This simple action shifts the brain from the emotional center to the neocortex, so as not to “feel” so intensely.

I know the mind hacks. I would recite the alphabet backwards, dominating my brain power, thus easing the intensity of grief. FYI, Random numbers work well too.

I employed all the tools of my trade, and I am grateful for the work that came before.

Reframing did wonders to shift my perception. Moments of relief lengthened. I haven’t returned to that place and I’m not taking that lightly. I work on myself daily so that I never will feel that depth of despair again.

Inside that well, the quiet was deafening, it was hard to breath, disbelief horrifying, gut-wrenching anxiety, sleepless yet exhausted, the mind-numbing reality. I had never experienced such all encompassing emotion.

And in some way, maybe there is a need to feel the despair, but careful not to get trapped there.

I know it was painful for friends and family to watch, to be there. And I was grateful for the support, especially on those breakdown days. Even though I knew they hurt, I didn’t have to many reserves to help them yet. It was just too much.

You will know that everyone who loves us will have suggestions; they can be both helpful and unintentionally unhelpful. Still, sharing of time and heart is never wrong.

I once heard that there are 12 million widows on the planet at any one time, and yet it feels like we are the only one that has experienced a loss so deep, it has stretched me to learn more and to step into helping others recover. The weeks and months following the death of my husband Willis I have reached out to others who are grieving.

I want you to feel comforted, that there are proven tools and processes to ease your pain, to get you back into your life, finding joy, free from anxiety.

You are not alone, make the call. 604-885-8236 or Yes@lifecoachadele.com #grief #NLP