Sign up to get updates from us
Learn how to trans-send reactions and the blamer
Blame could be emotional conditioning, that someone has done something wrong and somehow there needs to be punished. But not all errors require a blame to be placed anywhere. And yet it happens over and over again. Both blaming and being blamed sets up a cycle until awareness tunes us in.
But it isn't until we trans-send our conditioning that we begin to taste freedom from blame.
Maybe being wrong stinks, doesn't make us feel great; even though much that we learn is through trial and error.
And blame encompasses a wide range of emotional spheres, including guilt, anger, shame, judgement. We could stumble under the weight of these emotions or learn to rise above. Both are choices.
And as you know already, we don't just blame others, often we direct blame ourselves. Blaming our self can lead to and from self loathing, low self esteem and self worth. The burden can crush us.
It is said that blame is an emotion that rises from guilt. Not the other way around. Blame is a destructive attempt to deflect or avoid feeling guilty. It also fuels emotional stress and initiates a survival mechanism.
When things go wrong, it may feel bigger than it is. Admitting guilt may even feel like life has sent us over the falls, and we will certainly fall with it. But logically, we know differently.
Because psychology tells us, these feelings are only as overpowering as we allow them to be. And we laugh and say, yes in a perfect world, where emotional wounds do not exist. And if we all had tools like 5,4,3,2,1, we could quickly regain control of our out of control emotions.
Like learning to drive a standard car, 5,4,3,2,1, can quickly switch gears, bringing ourselves back into control and steering us towards our destination rather than zigzagging for years.
How do you complete 5,4,3,2,1:
5. Identify five things you can see
4. Identify four things you can feel, on the outside of your body
3. Identify three things you can hear
2. Identify two you can smell
1. Lastly one thing you taste.
Identifying is a cognitive function and requires our neo-cortex. Through this simple exercise we can reduce what we are feeling emotionally and gain control of our emotions and create a productive response to our circumstance.
Circling back, I am pretty certain that most of us have felt that inward compression as a negative emotion cramp down. Or, heard a self-condemning voice inside our mind, or endured a sleepless night from berating our self.
And it's a pattern, that you can both control and remove. Through active choice and awareness, we can alter the emotional conditioning that chooses the pathway of blame.
And other processes cascade within blame. Any negative emotion causes stress, which inhibits our cognitive ability, to see potential and possible choices and solutions for our circumstance.
In fact, neuroscience states that each and every time we engage in negative emotions, our immune function is reduced for 6-8 hours. Putting our health at risk!
In Power verses force, David R. Hawkings; blame resonates at an energetic level of 30/ 1000. A base level emotion that rises out of guilt and destructive behavior. This is a powerful read if you have the desire!
After reading it, you will know that, if we are not mindful, we could fall below 30, into misery, humiliation and shame.
And possibly this blame shame combination, was the conditioning? To avoid feeling guilty and shame, many deflect outward with blame. It may be a natural defense mechanism, but it doesn't serve us.
Without blame, we simply acknowledge that something went wrong, learn and grow, or apologize and move on. All errors become an opportunity to learn.
Trial and error help help to shorten the zigzags in life. The blame game exacerbates and sidetracks our future.
Logically we recognize that not all things require blame. According to Psychology Today, no benefit comes from finger pointing. Yet, again and again, we may witness a bad habit; or have felt the pain of someone else's shifting blame away from themselves.
As we know, not many will accept blame for long. At some point, the one blamed, will find it unendurable, maybe resulting in a focused conversation, to stop passing the buck. Or, further conflict, lost trust and broken relationships, stifled careers and more.
A fragile ego was born in our past. A reward, punishment system. A pecking order, defense mechanism and then a habit.
And with that said. It takes being tired. Tired of old ways, tired of repeating the same patterns. It is a fact that people don't change, until their lives become so uncomfortable, that they can no longer remain the same.
But let's look at it another way. When we look at our kids, I tell clients to recognize behavior separate from your child. Kids are not their behavior. Good kid, bad choice. Rather, recognize that behavior is simply a form of communication.
So, if blame is a form of communication, what is it, that is wanting to be said? And think again, be clear of your intention and the potential consequence, if you really need to say it. Or move into the healing mode.
Here are 5 steps to help you understand the blamer and begin the process of moving beyond old conditioning.
1. Identify the blamer and accept that change is needed
2. Clarify the circumstances that the blamer shows up
3. Write down the different emotions connected with blame
4. Self blame verses blaming others
5. Know everything about yourself regarding blame
6. Every time the blamer rears up, change the pattern through many neuro-science methods.
we all understand that when things go wrong, we feel stress, and then unconscious behaviors and reactions rise. Old patterns that may include feeling guilty, like a failure, defensiveness, embarrassment and even fear of consequence.
But nothing changes unless we change. Healing the blamer within, results in opening the potential to emotional freedoms.
https://www.lifecoachadele.com
https://www.facebook.com/Iamyourdestinycoach
https:/www.Linkedin.com/in/adeleandersondch
https://www.instagram.com/lifecoachadele/
#myfreedomdomday #whatdoesfreedommeantoyou #mindyourfreedom Adele's bio: I live through passion and purpose. In love with neuroscience, drawn to the power of the mind; as a survivor of a plane that crashed and flipped in water. What I experienced while drowning. The stuff I now know to be true.
I consciously live my values. Being clear about what I do and don;t want. Living a life I love waking up to every day.
I thrive on learning, growing and expanding my awareness so I can embrace all that life has to offer.
My clients are successful professionals looking for or going through change. They want to be listened to and are looking for a personalized caring approach.
If you are tired of repeating old patterns of behavior.
Feel stuck.
Experience uncomfortable or imbalanced feelings in your body.
Wake up feeling dis-satisfied. Are living under stress or simply looking for a new beginning that fulfills your inner purpose. Then you have found your safe haven.
As a N.L.P. trainer, I create perceptual shifts, teach and provide life skills. Plus install the neuro-networking necessary fro transformation.
My multi-dynamic and personalized approach includes a deep sense of intuition, natural medicine, neuroscience, integrity and care.
Clients report that they feel happier, sleep more soundly and experience feelings of deep satisfaction knowing they are living the purposeful life they have been wanting.
Natural health: Improving and balancing your body, mind and soul
N.L.P. Trainer: empowerment, behavioral change, accelerate and motivate learning, install excellence, improve communication and removing stress.
Service: Deeply devoted to creating the environment where you can move towards a life you desire and deserve.
Here are some great episodes to start with.
