March 11, 2020

What judging others reveals about our self esteem and happiness level

What judging others reveals about our self esteem and happiness level

How to optimize our brain for happiness and self acceptance

When I read that we judge ourselves the harshest; it made sense to me that; all judgement stems from this same affliction. We have all heard about this "mirror". But what does it mean? That we learn through seeing ourselves reflected in others.

So, when we point a finger, look in the mirror and where is that finger pointing? Right back at you, right! https://www.lifecoachadele.com

And it is natural and normal for our brain to have opinions. The key is whether the evaluation is for a reason, like does this resort have all the qualities I want for a vacation. Or is it personal and underpinned with hate, anger or polarization? In any way were we sizing someone up, condemning, being critical or dismissive of another. Judgement can be identified because it separates, dehumanizes or attempts to make someone or something inferior. Whew!

We judge many things. But we judge ourselves even more. And how can we discover more about our judgment and self-judgement? By becoming aware of our opinions, whether directed outward or in; on intelligence, personality traits, someone's looks, or weight. Is self worth or our opinion of others based on performance or mistakes?

Another angle is to look at our beliefs. Do our thoughts reflect a belief system on race, culture, religion or that life is unfair? Do we question someone's way of life or advantage, disadvantage in life? 

There are so many ways we can reveal to ourselves, the way we judge. But did you know that this negative mindset is based in our own fears and insecurities.

According to Daniel David, Carl Rogers; humanistic psychologist, and many more, it relates back to the arts of us that haven't healed.

As with everything, nothing changes until we change. Puts us right back into the driver's seat, looking inward. And we must get back to the root, ask ourselves, how happy am I? Am I addicted to approval? because approval seeking is an instigator of judgment.

Am I taking responsibility for my thoughts? How many times today did I criticize myself? Because psychology says, unhappy people judge, happy people self evaluate, in a kind and conscious way.

It means getting downright honest with ourselves. In a kind way we move towards acceptance of our self and others. Quitting judgment means moving towards inclusiveness, self love, a betterment. According to Chopra.com we become the witness. We treat others how we wish to be treated. Widen our horizons, open our perception to other ways of being and living and out of fear. We remove the self-imposed divisions created by years of conditioning.

So, here is a chance to go to the mall and people watch. First thing is to be aware of the thoughts that are moving through your mind.

Then begin the process of change. Expect judgement to occur, be ready and then, take responsibility. Look inward to the shadow self. Write it down, so later you can take a deeper look at it.

Ask yourself, what belief, perception and pattern has just occurred? Where did this emotion judgement originate? Have you felt this judgement directed at you in the past? It is through recognizing our patterns and behaviors that we change.

For personal growth and development, a pattern interrupt works well once we accept, we have a pattern we would like to remove. Being our own self witness is key to change. It asks us to take responsibility and look inward. Being curious why we feel a certain way.

Where in our past and our subconscious does this thought originate. The journey to healing our inner judge is one of self acceptance, honesty, curiosity and love. Every time we initiate a pattern interrupt, we are programming a new pattern inside our subconscious. Inside the mind, we change the negative to positive. So, switch out hate for love, Separation for belonging, shame for approval or praise, demeaning is removed and we add value, inferiority for extraordinary.

Pattern interrupt is an NLP process: It is used for many reasons. A person that dominates conversations. In meetings, or when wanting to remove a dominant thought from someone's mind.

How it works, for example, if you are in a conversation where there has been judgment, interrupt before the sentence has even ended! Understanding judgement originates from our belief systems. Meaning we unconsciously grab onto ideas and voice our judgments without really thinking it through. When we interrupt a subconscious pattern, we throw the person a bit off balance.

The subconscious pattern now becomes vulnerable, we can insert a new programming or an adjustment. Imagine going to shake someone's hand and as you reach your hand, the other person drops to one knee and ties their show. There you are, standing with your extended arm and not knowing what to do next. This scatters the pattern.

And yes, it may feel a bit rude, but it is effective as the mind is distracted or misdirected, so then the mind is searching for what to do next. You provide the answer, with further distraction. Asking a unrelated question. Asking their permission. Example, you wouldn't mind blah blah blah.

Another example would be, redirecting the judgement to a compliment to the person that was judged, praise, or reroute the subject. You can apologize too. So, to interrupt, and then add your compliment. By interrupting a conversation three times, the idea or the ability to recall the topic is typically lost. 

Removing our judge is an opportunity for growth and up leveling our happiness, self acceptance and self love, self esteem and self worth. All wonderful emotional support systems for an empowered life.

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