June 7, 2023

How To Show Up For Yourself With Janet Philbin

How To Show Up For Yourself With Janet Philbin
Apple Podcasts podcast player badge
Spotify podcast player badge
Castro podcast player badge
RSS Feed podcast player badge
Apple Podcasts podcast player icon Spotify podcast player icon Castro podcast player icon RSS Feed podcast player icon
Season 1

Janet Philbin, LCSW, and author of the book “Show Up for Yourself: A Guide to Inner Awareness and Growth”, joins the podcast today! Janet is a seasoned therapist and has sat with hundreds of clients practicing what she holds true in her knowing, experience and wisdom. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Hypnotherapist, invested in supporting individuals to awaken to their inner wisdom, deconstructing family of origin patterns along the way. Join us for this inspirational conversation!

Episode Takeaways - What You Will Learn:

  • Janet’s path to becoming a therapist
  • Understanding who it is that is showing up in the moment
  • We all have an inner child inside of us
  • The wounded inner child and hypnosis
  • The difference between unconscious and conscious parenting

About The Guest:

Janet Philbin is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional and Certified Conscious Parenting Coach Practitioner. Janet is also a Nationally Certified Hypnotherapy/Hypnosis instructor for the American Board of Hypnotherapy. She is the author of the Amazon best-selling book, Show Up For Yourself- A Guide to Inner Awareness and Growth. Her passion is helping people heal from the inside out. She is an expert in helping her clients uncover and heal the issues of the inner child which are influencing their adult life and parenting in the present. Janet specializes in PTSD, infertility, depression, anxiety, and conscious parent coaching.

Links:

Instagram

https://www.janetphilbin.com/

https://www.amazon.com/Show-Up-Yourself-Growth-Awareness

About the Host:

Maureen Spielman is the Founder of Mystical Sisterhood, a podcast dedicated to bringing more joy, healing and expansion to the world. She is a seasoned life coach who supports individuals through one-on-one coaching, groups and workshops.

Connect with Maureen:

● Check out her Instagram: @maureeenspielman

● Learn more about her work at www.maureenspielman.com

● Want to join our Mystical Sisterhood Membership community? Find out more here: https://www.maureenspielman.com/mysticalsisterhood

● Email Maureen at hello@maureenspielman.com to inquire about coaching, podcasting & speaking engagements

● Want to view Mystical Sisterhood episodes? Visit the Mystical Sisterhood YouTube Channel here: Magical Sisterhood Youtube

Thanks for listening!

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!

Subscribe to the podcast

If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app.

Leave us an Apple Podcasts review

Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.

Transcript
Maureen Spielman:

Hello and welcome back to mystical

Maureen Spielman:

sisterhood. This is your host, Maureen Spielman. And today I'm

Maureen Spielman:

delighted to be sitting down with Janet Philbin. She's a

Maureen Spielman:

licensed clinical social worker and a Certified Hypnotherapist.

Maureen Spielman:

She's also a Certified Clinical trauma therapist and a conscious

Maureen Spielman:

parenting coach. In fact, that's how I knew of Janet's work

Maureen Spielman:

because she was my ambassador for my small group when I was in

Maureen Spielman:

Dr. Shefali, safaris, conscious parenting Institute. So I knew

Maureen Spielman:

of Janet I didn't know her well knew that she had written a book

Maureen Spielman:

which I had bought called show up for yourself. And I just knew

Maureen Spielman:

her to be very seasoned clinical practitioner, who was committed

Maureen Spielman:

to a lot of the same principles that I live by and have really

Maureen Spielman:

made it into my coaching. So I knew Janet would have a lot of

Maureen Spielman:

wisdom to share. The conversation is inspirational.

Maureen Spielman:

It's funny, and I loved every minute of it. So I hope you

Maureen Spielman:

enjoy and we'll see you in the episode.

Maureen Spielman:

Hey there, welcome to mystical sisterhood. This is your host,

Maureen Spielman:

Maureen Spielman. I started the show to highlight the

Maureen Spielman:

intuitives, healers and other courageous women that I've met

Maureen Spielman:

along my journey and continue to meet. Through amazing

Maureen Spielman:

interviews, I seek to ask insightful questions to uncover

Maureen Spielman:

ways in which you the listener can apply the wisdom and

Maureen Spielman:

knowledge to your own life. I believe that we're all in this

Maureen Spielman:

together. So sharing healing and joy, and bringing community

Maureen Spielman:

together is both my passion and purpose. If you'd like to learn

Maureen Spielman:

more about the mystical sisterhood community I'm

Maureen Spielman:

building, please visit www mystical sisterhood.com See you

Maureen Spielman:

in the episode

Maureen Spielman:

Welcome back to mystical sisterhood. Today I'm here with

Maureen Spielman:

Janet Philbin. And I am very excited to be sitting with you,

Maureen Spielman:

Janet, for our listeners, will Janet came upon, you know my

Maureen Spielman:

scene when I did Dr. Shefali safaris conscious parenting

Maureen Spielman:

Institute. And Janet, I think that you were actually actually

Maureen Spielman:

my ambassador. But it was such a big cohort that there weren't a

Maureen Spielman:

lot of touch points. But you you kind of came in my sphere, and I

Maureen Spielman:

started taking notice and sort of being interested in your

Maureen Spielman:

work. I remember several of my co students, you know,

Maureen Spielman:

eventually working with you privately, whether

Maureen Spielman:

therapeutically, or or therapeutically

Maureen Spielman:

with hypnosis as well. So I was always intrigued by that. And I

Maureen Spielman:

welcome you here today. I think that, you know, we can have a

Maureen Spielman:

conversation about a lot of points of your work,

Maureen Spielman:

and just how you came to be where you sit today. And I'll

Maureen Spielman:

start right there with a welcome. And did you I noticed

Maureen Spielman:

in rereading your book today that you kind of adopted the

Maureen Spielman:

therapeutic world early. You have been a therapist for so

Maureen Spielman:

many years. A long time.

Janet Philbin:

Yep. Yeah. Since I was one of those people that

Janet Philbin:

went right, from undergraduate school to graduate school. But I

Janet Philbin:

never had the dream of being a therapist in private practice.

Janet Philbin:

And I actually remember being an NYU in like, you know, those

Janet Philbin:

orientation days you have to go to before classes actually start

Janet Philbin:

and sitting in a room with the other first year social work

Janet Philbin:

students. And these young women who were all my age, we were all

Janet Philbin:

in our early 20s saying, oh, yeah, when I graduate in two

Janet Philbin:

years, I'm going to open up a private practice right here in

Janet Philbin:

New York City. I remember thinking that you don't know

Janet Philbin:

anything, and you're not going to know anything in two years.

Janet Philbin:

That's, that's kind of, you know, I didn't think it was

Janet Philbin:

okay. That was never my goal. I always wanted to work in agency

Janet Philbin:

life. I loved geriatrics. I wanted to work with cute little

Janet Philbin:

old people. That was my goal.

Janet Philbin:

So when I began my career, I began actually the job I got was

Janet Philbin:

in a New York City Hospital, which was an amazing and amazing

Janet Philbin:

learning opportunity. I was doing work I never wanted to do

Janet Philbin:

because it wasn't clinical work. It was very concrete work. It

Janet Philbin:

was discharge planning and

Janet Philbin:

that kind of services, but I learned a lot and I wound up

Janet Philbin:

working with the AIDS patients. In the end, I wound up the

Janet Philbin:

social work on the AIDS team in 1992. That was a big deal,

Janet Philbin:

because it was the beginning of the AIDS epidemic and

Unknown:

I will

Janet Philbin:

Love that work. I love that, that role I had

Janet Philbin:

there. But then I left and went into geriatrics and wound up,

Janet Philbin:

being able to get a job closer to home at a fairly new long

Janet Philbin:

term care facility. And I did that for six or eight years. And

Janet Philbin:

I loved that also. But then I had my second child, and it just

Janet Philbin:

didn't pay to keep working, how I was working, pay for daycare,

Unknown:

and raise two children. So an opportunity on my lap to

Unknown:

start a private practice. And I said, Okay, I'll do it. What a

Unknown:

beautiful kind of trajectory you had with your experiences. And I

Unknown:

can, I can see that being hugely beneficial, because you've got

Unknown:

that wide landscape when you first started working in the

Unknown:

hospital systems. And then

Unknown:

it reminds me of my sister in law, and I hope she's gonna

Unknown:

listen to this one. She's also a social worker. And that's how it

Unknown:

happens sometimes, right? It's sort of like a little bit by

Unknown:

default, you kind of, it's before we get to maybe maybe I'm

Unknown:

projecting, like a lot of intentional choice. It's like

Unknown:

what falls in our lap at first. And then and I always like to

Unknown:

think about how those experiences, even though

Unknown:

seemingly kind of disparate in ways they do feed into who you

Unknown:

became, and the work that you've done. 100% I live by this little

Unknown:

zingy quote, that I actually have pinned it on my bulletin

Unknown:

board behind my computer, and I don't even know, it had to be

Unknown:

the early 2000s When I cut it out of the local newspaper, and

Unknown:

it says opportunity only knocks on doors that it knows are

Unknown:

already open to it.

Janet Philbin:

And I live by this mantra, because when an

Janet Philbin:

opportunity comes my way, especially an opportunity I'm

Janet Philbin:

not looking for I just say yes. So when the opportunity came my

Janet Philbin:

way to start my private practice.

Janet Philbin:

I didn't have a client. And she needed this therapist needed

Janet Philbin:

help with something. And I said, Well, I can just help you with

Janet Philbin:

that. Don't be silly, you need help. She goes, Oh, no, I can't

Janet Philbin:

even help me for nothing. Use my office one day a week. I said, I

Janet Philbin:

don't have a client. She goes, I'll get you your first client.

Janet Philbin:

And she did. And that's how it started. But if I would have

Janet Philbin:

said no to her, I certainly wouldn't have been, I wouldn't

Janet Philbin:

be sitting here talking to you right now. Because I was ready

Janet Philbin:

to walk away from social work and just take any job that could

Janet Philbin:

contribute to my family that would work in the hours that I

Janet Philbin:

needed it to. And that opened up one opportunity to the next to

Janet Philbin:

the next to the next. So that's what I tell people say yes. And

Janet Philbin:

if you Okay, close the door after you gave it a shot. What

Janet Philbin:

if going through that one door opens up the next six?

Janet Philbin:

Absolutely. I love it. There was a

Maureen Spielman:

an a quote that I like to it says, If the

Maureen Spielman:

door doesn't open, it's not your door. So we're kind of like

Maureen Spielman:

watching I know you're a big fan of the principles of the

Maureen Spielman:

universe and just these bigger spiritual concepts embedded. I

Maureen Spielman:

think your point though, I want to point out because, you know,

Maureen Spielman:

my colleagues are coaches starting in the business, you

Maureen Spielman:

know, we've been working on it for a few years now. But in the

Maureen Spielman:

beginning, it can be so quiet. So how do you how would you tell

Maureen Spielman:

someone to have trust, even if they were at these beginning

Maureen Spielman:

stages, you have to be patient, literally, that first client, I

Maureen Spielman:

had paid me $25 A week.

Janet Philbin:

For eight months, it was eight months till I got

Janet Philbin:

my second client. And then I don't even know how many months

Janet Philbin:

after that till I got the third. And it should

Janet Philbin:

build slowly. So you really just have to be patient, people have

Janet Philbin:

to get to know you, you have to network, you have to mark it,

Janet Philbin:

and put yourself out there and maybe offer your services at a

Janet Philbin:

lower cost to get started. And

Janet Philbin:

you do what you need to do if this is what you were meant to

Janet Philbin:

do what you feel you've been meant to do what you've put so

Janet Philbin:

much energy into. You've followed it for a reason. So

Maureen Spielman:

I would encourage people if financially

Maureen Spielman:

if it's possible, even though it's hard to stick with it.

Maureen Spielman:

Okay, I love that. Because you're right there was there was

Maureen Spielman:

a calling from within that got you to the place to see if this

Maureen Spielman:

was going to work and I the patience is is perfect advice i

Maureen Spielman:

think i reminds me of in the beginning of your book, so I'll

Maureen Spielman:

name it right now, if you're watching on YouTube, because I

Maureen Spielman:

put these on YouTube show up for yourself is Janet's book that

Maureen Spielman:

was published in 2020. But you

Maureen Spielman:

I like in the beginning how you talk about how you were watching

Maureen Spielman:

your kids when they got to be young adults kind of like into

Maureen Spielman:

their adult life, and they were all these big questions were

Maureen Spielman:

coming to them. And, you know, you're witnessing it from a

Maureen Spielman:

different perspective as their mother with more years under

Maureen Spielman:

your belt, but that you, it gave you a witness or perspective

Maureen Spielman:

where you could see that it was their work to do and that you

Maureen Spielman:

could not do that for them. And then just weaving in like with

Maureen Spielman:

that concept, this your, your book title show up for yourself.

Maureen Spielman:

Can you talk a little bit about that? And just like how it came

Maureen Spielman:

to be? Yeah, no, that's such a fun question, actually had to do

Maureen Spielman:

with my middle child who was still in college at the time, it

Maureen Spielman:

was.

Janet Philbin:

The book came out three weeks into the pandemic.

Janet Philbin:

So this

Janet Philbin:

occurrence, where I came up with the title of the book. So the

Janet Philbin:

pandemic started late March, early April, this was probably

Janet Philbin:

December ish. And I forget what year

Janet Philbin:

college they were in, maybe, junior year. And you know, you

Janet Philbin:

have to start to figure things out and things were struggle and

Janet Philbin:

classes might have been hard and confusing things about your

Janet Philbin:

major or reaching out to advisors. And

Janet Philbin:

that part of me wanted to rescue This child of mine. I had

Janet Philbin:

already

Janet Philbin:

been, I already graduated from the Coaching Institute. So I

Janet Philbin:

knew what was happening, like my rescuer wanted to come in and

Janet Philbin:

swoop and save the day and give this child all the answers. To

Janet Philbin:

solve the problems. For this child of mine.

Janet Philbin:

I had to take a step back, and I spoke to my husband, I was just

Janet Philbin:

thinking out loud, and I'm like, if I don't let him show up for

Janet Philbin:

himself and figure it out. It's not going to stick it won't have

Janet Philbin:

any meaning. So I can't and then I said, a little later that

Janet Philbin:

morning, I was thinking and I was like, Oh my God, that's the

Janet Philbin:

perfect title for the book. Show up for yourself. Because if I

Janet Philbin:

don't do it for you, no one else can do it for you. So how is it

Janet Philbin:

we can learn to show up for ourselves, really make yourself

Janet Philbin:

a priority, really look at what's holding you back.

Janet Philbin:

brave enough to face it, move through it, and find yourself on

Janet Philbin:

the other side. So the book title was inspired by this

Janet Philbin:

struggle My middle child was going through at the time being

Janet Philbin:

in college and kind of being in a transition point of life.

Janet Philbin:

Yeah. And so it's like you're serving on the silver platter a

Janet Philbin:

little bit, even though it might not feel like to our child here,

Janet Philbin:

show up for yourself. And at the same time learning those lessons

Janet Philbin:

that need to be healed for yourself of okay, taking a look

Janet Philbin:

at the rescuer and maybe how that operated or over operated

Janet Philbin:

in your life. Absolutely. Right. It was still, for me, I still

Janet Philbin:

had to be authentic for me. But in order to do that, you have to

Janet Philbin:

look at your own shadow. Right? You have to look at your own

Janet Philbin:

demons and face them too. So as a parent, a spouse, a friend,

Janet Philbin:

like what is that advice? You're giving other people? Why are you

Janet Philbin:

giving it? Yeah. Is that coming from a place of wholeness within

Janet Philbin:

you? Or is it coming from a place of I need to fix you or

Janet Philbin:

help you fix you, but I'm not gonna do my own work. And then

Janet Philbin:

that wind, so I'm very troubled. When Yes, from that place of,

Janet Philbin:

I'm not finished with my work, but I'm going to act and tell

Janet Philbin:

you what to do.

Maureen Spielman:

Yeah, so, so true. And, you know, do you you

Maureen Spielman:

know, when you work on your framework with your clients, I'm

Maureen Spielman:

wondering, too, I'm thinking about your book. I really liked

Maureen Spielman:

the beginning chapters. Janet, how you said, who was showing

Maureen Spielman:

up? And I think you said what is showing up, and even to, I'm

Maureen Spielman:

going to say right now to for our listeners today, I was just

Maureen Spielman:

saying to you before we hit record, that I have many

Maureen Spielman:

bookshelves with many books on them. And truly, I believe I

Maureen Spielman:

know that people use the word roadmap a lot, but I like your

Maureen Spielman:

book, because it breaks down these categories. Because I

Maureen Spielman:

often think you know, my podcast is newer, it's about three

Maureen Spielman:

months young and have a lot of people talking about a lot of

Maureen Spielman:

things. And what I'm kind of leaning into a little more

Maureen Spielman:

Whereas like, yeah, that's such a cool concept. But how do we do

Maureen Spielman:

that? And that's why I like the year the beginning premise

Maureen Spielman:

before you go into other things of who was showing up, you kind

Maureen Spielman:

of just alluded to it and what is showing up in my life? Can

Maureen Spielman:

you talk about those just like beginning concepts?

Janet Philbin:

Well, I think we do need to understand who is

Janet Philbin:

showing up in the moment

Janet Philbin:

in each and every situation, but the only way we can do that is

Janet Philbin:

to be in touch with ourselves. Right? So is this my adult self

Janet Philbin:

showing up? Or is it my 10 year old self showing up having a

Janet Philbin:

tantrum here, or my 15 year old self being difficult and

Janet Philbin:

argumentative? Because she can be

Janet Philbin:

or two year old having a Temper Temper Tantrum. So

Janet Philbin:

we have to know our energy that we're bringing into every

Janet Philbin:

situation, we have to understand where that's coming from. But

Janet Philbin:

again, so many people walk around.

Janet Philbin:

This illusion does the word that's coming to me, but I'm not

Janet Philbin:

exactly sure that's the right word, Maureen, I think

Janet Philbin:

disconnected is a better word.

Janet Philbin:

Because people just go through the motions.

Janet Philbin:

And they don't stop to tune in, they don't stop to

Janet Philbin:

feel this sensations that rise up in their body when I get

Janet Philbin:

upset because dot dot dot right, there just, I'm upset. And they

Janet Philbin:

react. So we have to first know ourselves, who is showing up

Janet Philbin:

here? Right? Who is it and be honest about it. All right, my

Janet Philbin:

general is having a tantrum, I'm gonna just be real about that

Janet Philbin:

right now, um, then I'm going to take care of that part of me.

Janet Philbin:

And then maybe my adult self can show up. So I think, who was

Janet Philbin:

showing up comes under the category of getting to know

Janet Philbin:

yourself, and allowing yourself to be honest with yourself.

Unknown:

And, and

Janet Philbin:

finding a way to take care of that part of

Janet Philbin:

yourself. Because we all are made up of a million different

Janet Philbin:

parts. And different parts of us come into the foreground, into

Janet Philbin:

the executive part of us to be in charge in that moment,

Janet Philbin:

because they think they know what to do, because it's

Janet Philbin:

familiar from some time in the past. Maybe they know what they

Janet Philbin:

do, or maybe the way they did it in the past is just not really

Janet Philbin:

going to be effective right now. Right?

Maureen Spielman:

That's usually, yeah, and I think that,

Maureen Spielman:

if I can speak for myself is that

Maureen Spielman:

I don't know, I knew that I didn't feel good inside. But I

Maureen Spielman:

had done certain, you know, types of therapy, and they'd

Maureen Spielman:

certainly helped me reconcile parts of me and kind of put some

Maureen Spielman:

things down. But then I don't know, if I was really doing what

Maureen Spielman:

was could be considered, like more active work, like you're

Maureen Spielman:

saying, and getting to know those parts of me. And so I

Maureen Spielman:

think for a long time, it felt like I was kind of deep down in

Maureen Spielman:

a well, and I would feel all these ways, like, the word that

Maureen Spielman:

just came to me when you were talking was turmoil, possibly

Maureen Spielman:

chaos inside.

Maureen Spielman:

Definitely overwhelm because I had three young kids for a long

Maureen Spielman:

time, it takes them a while to grow up. And just these words,

Maureen Spielman:

and so and then that they, they created other situations inside

Maureen Spielman:

myself or ways of being that felt like resentful and, and

Maureen Spielman:

things. But I didn't for many, many, many years. I didn't know

Maureen Spielman:

the way out I didn't know, I didn't know. And so I was just

Maureen Spielman:

swirling in that place for a long time. So I was gonna, I

Maureen Spielman:

guess my comment is like, sometimes do you see people? Not

Maureen Spielman:

that they accept it, but they just don't know how.

Janet Philbin:

I think it's a both and like, they don't even

Janet Philbin:

know they've accepted it. It's just the way I am. And since

Janet Philbin:

since the way I am, I can change it. So I don't even have to look

Janet Philbin:

at how

Janet Philbin:

until people get

Janet Philbin:

become uncomfortable with what was always comfortable.

Janet Philbin:

They don't move towards change.

Janet Philbin:

Right, because we're so comfortable. With maybe the

Janet Philbin:

dysfunctional way something's worked, because it's worked. But

Janet Philbin:

then all of a sudden you start realizing I'm not that

Janet Philbin:

comfortable with the way I've been doing that I'm not that

Janet Philbin:

comfortable in this relationship anymore. I'm not that

Janet Philbin:

comfortable in this job anymore, I'm not that comfortable with

Janet Philbin:

the way my boss talks to me or my colleagues treat me. And then

Janet Philbin:

you start having this

Janet Philbin:

these parts of you start kind of warring. So we're forced to move

Janet Philbin:

through discomfort, to find a new way to become comfortable.

Janet Philbin:

Again, there's it's a, it's a psychological process that

Janet Philbin:

actually has a term and it's going from something that's ego

Janet Philbin:

syntonic, to ego dystonic. So we have to move. And when people

Janet Philbin:

can do that shift,

Janet Philbin:

that's when change happens. That's when healing happens.

Janet Philbin:

Which brings me to my other favorite quote, which I do quote

Janet Philbin:

in the book, by me, snin, which is in the day came when the risk

Janet Philbin:

to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk it took to

Janet Philbin:

blossom. And that movement.

Janet Philbin:

Yeah. And I think that you, you offer in the book that that

Janet Philbin:

premise of sometimes, we well, maybe all the time, the way

Janet Philbin:

you're I had my listeners know this, but I had a diagnosis like

Janet Philbin:

I've heard Dr. Shefali talk about that, like sometimes, it

Janet Philbin:

is just the regular course of life and what you're talking

Janet Philbin:

about, like that discomfort grows so much, but and then

Janet Philbin:

others have these big things that are the awakening hours, or

Janet Philbin:

the offering as an awakened or I should say, but yeah, I think

Janet Philbin:

you had said in your book, what if, what if, by healing the

Janet Philbin:

pain, it could get you closer to your purpose. And it's like that

Janet Philbin:

the only way out is through as well kind of seems fitting? Yes,

Janet Philbin:

you have to go through, I was saying that to my clients, from

Janet Philbin:

the beginning of my practice, there's no over, under around,

Janet Philbin:

we have to go through. So it's like you gotta go into that dark

Janet Philbin:

tunnel. And enter a tunnel, there's some light, but the

Janet Philbin:

deeper and deeper, deeper, you go gets darker and darker and

Janet Philbin:

scarier and scarier, and you think I am just never get out of

Janet Philbin:

here. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, the light, you could

Janet Philbin:

start seeing the end of the tunnel, and the light starts

Janet Philbin:

shining, and then you know where to walk, and you will emerge on

Janet Philbin:

the other side. I never pretend the journey is easy. The journey

Janet Philbin:

is usually full of pain.

Janet Philbin:

But that doesn't mean you can't do it. It just means you need

Janet Philbin:

support to do it.

Maureen Spielman:

Yeah, and I think about people who have a

Maureen Spielman:

lot of trauma. And and I know traumas like there's there's

Maureen Spielman:

variances of what people walk in with. But I can understand like

Maureen Spielman:

I can see that sometimes that would feel so big that and you

Maureen Spielman:

don't know what's on the other side of opening the door. So it

Maureen Spielman:

often I was thinking about that before we met like do you see

Maureen Spielman:

people sometimes not not able to go there and this lifetime, just

Maureen Spielman:

because of some maybe I don't know if that would be a

Maureen Spielman:

subconscious fear or operating system that that's just going to

Maureen Spielman:

be so so much for me to deal with.

Janet Philbin:

Because, you know, people are attached to

Janet Philbin:

their belief systems.

Janet Philbin:

Right? So they make justifications for all all

Janet Philbin:

things in all areas of their life. I was talking with a

Janet Philbin:

client recently, who, you know, was talking about her

Janet Philbin:

relationship. And she says, Well, if that person doesn't ask

Janet Philbin:

me questions, and it doesn't show that I'm not, they're not

Janet Philbin:

interested in me. Does that mean I'm not good enough.

Janet Philbin:

But meanwhile, this person has stayed in this relationship for

Janet Philbin:

more than 20 years.

Janet Philbin:

Always searching to be good enough. And guess what I mean,

Janet Philbin:

you know, as a coach, the pattern has repeated for

Janet Philbin:

generations now. Yeah, I've been working with this person for

Janet Philbin:

about eight months. And just regular counseling, walking

Janet Philbin:

inside orienta counseling. And after eight months, she finally

Janet Philbin:

said that I saw it from the beginning. But you can't force

Janet Philbin:

someone to see something they're not ready to see. Yeah, it came

Janet Philbin:

out organically. Finally, I'm already on my side of the

Janet Philbin:

screen, but I didn't.

Maureen Spielman:

Okay, and then there's that patience again,

Maureen Spielman:

right. I'm sure that for your yourself in the process and for

Maureen Spielman:

them to.

Maureen Spielman:

Yeah, I wanted you to talk about because it's alluded to within

Maureen Spielman:

different podcasts I've done but I know that the inner child is

Maureen Spielman:

a cornerstone foundation of the work you do. Can you share what

Maureen Spielman:

you define the inner child as and I heard you earlier.

Janet Philbin:

Say your 15 year old self, your 10 year old self.

Janet Philbin:

So can you kind of go into that, and I and then we'll go from

Janet Philbin:

there? Sure, I would love to. So the inner, we all have an inner

Janet Philbin:

child, every single one of us, because we were all children

Janet Philbin:

once. And so those children we want to are live within us,

Janet Philbin:

right? If I asked someone you know, pick a memory from when

Janet Philbin:

you attend, something is going to pop up, pick a memory from

Janet Philbin:

when you were 15, pick a memory from when you were seven,

Janet Philbin:

something will quickly hit you random.

Janet Philbin:

But when we've been through the struggles in our life, and not

Janet Philbin:

everyone has had trauma, some people have little tiny T

Janet Philbin:

traumas, repeated traumas, one big trauma, there's generational

Janet Philbin:

trauma, there's all sorts of trauma.

Janet Philbin:

But in order to survive upsetting things, when we're

Janet Philbin:

young,

Unknown:

we develop

Janet Philbin:

different parts of ourself different defense

Janet Philbin:

mechanisms, in order to cope to survive. And we develop

Janet Philbin:

different parts of our personalities to survive those

Janet Philbin:

things. So the way I look at it, the way I like to explain it, or

Janet Philbin:

child is, I believe,

Janet Philbin:

when we're born, I believe we choose to come into this

Janet Philbin:

manifestation of our life, and that we come. It's a co creation

Janet Philbin:

of choosing with our parents that we're going to come at this

Janet Philbin:

time, for whatever reason, and we've chosen to come because we

Janet Philbin:

have our own special gifts that are needed in that family of

Janet Philbin:

origin, that are being called to the family of origin. So here we

Janet Philbin:

come through our parents right into this family of origin that

Janet Philbin:

guess what is already wounded in some way, shape, or form.

Janet Philbin:

There's already wounding there. And we come with our light. And

Janet Philbin:

we come with our fullness, and we come with all of our gifts of

Janet Philbin:

love, and good enough and giving and compassion. And

Janet Philbin:

then we're told in some way, shape, or form, verbally, non

Janet Philbin:

verbally, that we're too much that don't ask for what you

Janet Philbin:

need. Or it's dangerous here. So you need to hide.

Janet Philbin:

And on and on and on. So as we learn these things,

Janet Philbin:

we realize, Oh,

Janet Philbin:

I'm not good enough. I'm not important enough, I better be

Janet Philbin:

quiet, or I'm going to get hit, I better be a good girl. Because

Janet Philbin:

that's the only way Mommy's going to love me. I bet to get

Janet Philbin:

straight A's because that's the only way Daddy's going to be

Janet Philbin:

proud of me. And I realized I'm using very gender stereotypical

Janet Philbin:

pronouns and things. So please know that this is not

Janet Philbin:

gender specific. It's it's just, I'm just trying to make a point.

Janet Philbin:

So through these life experiences, we actually develop

Janet Philbin:

a wounded inner child. Right, so the true self, that perfect,

Janet Philbin:

beautiful pure inner child that came from source is here, and

Janet Philbin:

every single one of our hearts, he or she has not disappeared,

Janet Philbin:

they are just being defended. So we have all these defenders in

Janet Philbin:

the wounded inner child going I got this one I know how to do

Janet Philbin:

with that. I know how to do that. So now, we're 30 and we

Janet Philbin:

have a five year old and a five year old is having a temper

Janet Philbin:

tantrum, but you weren't allowed to have a temper tantrum when

Janet Philbin:

you were five or maybe you were gonna get hit, maybe gonna get

Janet Philbin:

put in your room, maybe we're gonna get the corner ignored,

Janet Philbin:

not fed dinner, whatever. So you freak out as an adult, screaming

Janet Philbin:

at your five year old because you are not allowed to have a

Janet Philbin:

tantrum. Yeah.

Janet Philbin:

Right. So that wounded inner child,

Janet Philbin:

when we ask who is showing up is the one that's showing up is the

Janet Philbin:

one having the tantrum in an adult body. With the tantruming

Janet Philbin:

five year old in front of you, nothing gets accomplished. So

Janet Philbin:

until we get and this is why I love hypnotherapy, and this is

Janet Philbin:

why I love conscious parenting. Because we want to deconstruct

Janet Philbin:

the patterns. We want to understand what happened in the

Janet Philbin:

past we want to go back and heal that wounded inner child. So he

Janet Philbin:

or she can become whole again with the W hole

Janet Philbin:

back into our very own hearts and feel complete. So now when

Janet Philbin:

your five year old in front of you has a temper tantrum you can

Janet Philbin:

go okay, it's just tantrum it's all okay. He or she is allowed

Janet Philbin:

to do that. I'm still hold as opposed to having holes H O le

Janet Philbin:

SS we're all this

Janet Philbin:

stuff seeps in pours out. So with hypnosis, and I'll just

Janet Philbin:

segue into that, if you don't mind, because I think it's

Janet Philbin:

important here. The unconscious mind has no sense of time at

Janet Philbin:

all. So when something happens in the moment in front of you,

Janet Philbin:

and it is similar enough to an emotion, of feeling, an event

Janet Philbin:

that happened at some point in the past,

Janet Philbin:

the present adult self gets hijacked, that younger self

Janet Philbin:

comes forward into the executive functioning, and is in charge,

Janet Philbin:

because it doesn't know it's no longer five 710 15. It learned a

Janet Philbin:

coping skill at a certain age. It became a wound it became

Janet Philbin:

defended. And it goes, I know this, I know the coping skill.

Janet Philbin:

Here I am.

Janet Philbin:

Amazon doesn't work. So in hypnosis, the way I work, not

Janet Philbin:

every hypnotherapist works, the way I work or the way I train my

Janet Philbin:

hypnotherapists to work.

Janet Philbin:

We go back in time, and we find that wounded inner child, and we

Janet Philbin:

rescue them. And we work with the cellular memory of the body,

Janet Philbin:

because the way to heal trauma is to get it out of the cells

Janet Philbin:

that have been studied and proven by Peter Levine Bessel

Janet Philbin:

Vander cog Gabor Ma Tei, right, we got to get it out of the

Janet Philbin:

cells of the body.

Janet Philbin:

And we heal and work with that inner child, and let them know

Janet Philbin:

the truth.

Janet Philbin:

And it's a whole process, but in the end, they can become whole

Janet Philbin:

again, and us the adults can now be in charge as opposed to this

Janet Philbin:

wounded part. So

Janet Philbin:

that's why the inner child is important. That's why the inner

Janet Philbin:

child can't be ignored. I think everyone needs to be doing inner

Janet Philbin:

child work, and heals those original wounds, because they

Janet Philbin:

are impacting us as much work as I've done. And I've been working

Janet Philbin:

on myself for more than 30 years, I've done so much inner

Janet Philbin:

child work through regular therapy, hypnotherapy coaching,

Janet Philbin:

you name it. Still, bam, I get triggered, and I gotta look

Janet Philbin:

who's showing up? What do I need? I know how to do this for

Janet Philbin:

myself now. But what do I need to do for myself? Yes, and

Janet Philbin:

everyone needs to do? Well, I'll just say about all that. Thank

Janet Philbin:

you. For that beautiful explanation. I think it's

Janet Philbin:

perfect. Because no matter where the listener is, on the journey,

Janet Philbin:

there's something in there for them. But especially for

Maureen Spielman:

a newer listener to these sorts of

Maureen Spielman:

messages. I know that, you know, you and I can say like, oh, this

Maureen Spielman:

is all over the place. But you know, it's just I feel like

Maureen Spielman:

inner child is just beginning to be known a little bit more and

Maureen Spielman:

understood by bigger groups, but just this idea of you think

Maureen Spielman:

you're operating but it's it's a part of you. It's a piece of

Maureen Spielman:

your history coming forth. But it's not necessarily your

Maureen Spielman:

authentic self. And I'm thinking about all the MIS identification

Maureen Spielman:

of who we truly are. And I think it's just the beautiful premise

Maureen Spielman:

to have.

Maureen Spielman:

That I love how you went back and talked about how we came to

Maureen Spielman:

be that we made this choice that we're here and I've never heard

Maureen Spielman:

it said the way you just said it about we have certain gifts to

Maureen Spielman:

offer our family of origin that's really pretty eye and

Maureen Spielman:

profound.

Janet Philbin:

I've not heard it said that way before. But just

Janet Philbin:

the this idea of there are these parts of us that are unhealed

Janet Philbin:

and I'm, I've never done hypnosis. So I don't even know a

Janet Philbin:

lot about that process. I understand what you just said.

Janet Philbin:

But how do you even what what is hypnosis doing that it brings us

Janet Philbin:

into another I'm gonna say brain operating state that allows us

Janet Philbin:

to be you know, ready to do the work you do? Yeah, so hypnosis

Janet Philbin:

is just an altered state of consciousness. Just like you

Janet Philbin:

know, if you go into meditation, or, you know, if you've ever

Janet Philbin:

driven somewhere and all of a sudden you're at your

Janet Philbin:

destination, like, Oh my God, I don't remember the drive. That's

Janet Philbin:

an altered state. That's a hypnotic state. When you're

Janet Philbin:

reading a book and someone's talking to you don't hear them.

Janet Philbin:

When that's all altered state. That's all hypnosis, and all

Janet Philbin:

hypnosis is self hypnosis. So it's something that we do for

Janet Philbin:

ourselves. No one can force you to be hypnotized if you don't

Janet Philbin:

want to be hypnotized because no one is stronger than your mind

Janet Philbin:

then you are but in hypnosis, if and I know some of your

Janet Philbin:

listeners are watching, some are listening, but I'm going to hold

Janet Philbin:

my hands up my fists up over each other.

Janet Philbin:

And in hypnosis, we ask the conscious mind the fist on top

Janet Philbin:

to move over we give it something to

Janet Philbin:

Think about and so move it off to the side. And when that

Janet Philbin:

conscious mind is off to the side, the hypnotherapist can

Janet Philbin:

talk directly to the unconscious. So the conscious

Janet Philbin:

mind protects it, and then wants to control everything you can

Janet Philbin:

think of it like ego and conscious parenting, we got to

Janet Philbin:

get it out of the way. So I can talk to the unconscious, because

Janet Philbin:

the unconscious stores all of the memories.

Janet Philbin:

Everything we've ever had in our life, and I explained that in

Janet Philbin:

our in the book, it's like a file in your computer.

Janet Philbin:

And if you want to find pictures of your dog, you have to type in

Janet Philbin:

dog. But if you want to find pictures of your dog, and you're

Janet Philbin:

typing the word cat, you're not going to find those files. So

Janet Philbin:

the hypnotherapist is going to be skilled to know what are the

Janet Philbin:

key words to get to the right file to find the right memory to

Janet Philbin:

work on, related to this particular problem. And so it

Janet Philbin:

sounds like it's almost when you when you can get in there to

Janet Philbin:

that that file that needs to be opened at that time. That then

Janet Philbin:

there's the opportunity to do some reprogramming of the

Janet Philbin:

experience. Yeah, you're here. And the way I view it is healing

Janet Philbin:

the experience. We're healing that wounded part were reframing

Janet Philbin:

it were putting the truth in, we are letting that child know they

Janet Philbin:

survived. Because they develop those coping skills in service

Janet Philbin:

of survival. The problem is, like I said, the unconscious

Janet Philbin:

mind doesn't know any sense of time. So guess what, that seven

Janet Philbin:

year old is still in survival mode. 40 years later, it doesn't

Janet Philbin:

know when it's over.

Janet Philbin:

So we have to tell them it's over. It's done. You survived.

Janet Philbin:

And you did great. But you don't need that coping skill in that

Janet Philbin:

way anymore. Because guess what, it's hurting the adult self?

Janet Philbin:

Yeah. So let's do something with that. Let's heal that. And they

Janet Philbin:

always agree, they will, who the hell wants to be in pain, excuse

Janet Philbin:

the French, they always agree.

Maureen Spielman:

Such a beautiful process.

Maureen Spielman:

I'm thinking what a gift that that gives your client ourselves

Maureen Spielman:

who sit in that chair, to be able to have the experience that

Maureen Spielman:

we never happened or that we never had, but always deserved.

Maureen Spielman:

And so that is very, feels emotional to me. And it also

Maureen Spielman:

does have the tie into the conscious parenting because with

Maureen Spielman:

conscious parenting, we are working with individuals to

Maureen Spielman:

create these experiences for their own families. And then we

Maureen Spielman:

know that work I always think like,

Maureen Spielman:

whenever we talk about any of these things, and we use the

Maureen Spielman:

word parenting it can be applied to the principles can be applied

Maureen Spielman:

to, to everyone. Yes. 100%.

Maureen Spielman:

So I love that when you use it as this is like more of a

Maureen Spielman:

technical question but about our consciousness. But are the words

Maureen Spielman:

subconscious and unconscious intertwine a bowl, or do you see

Maureen Spielman:

them as different?

Unknown:

They're, they're really interchangeable when we're

Unknown:

talking about hypnosis, I mean, the the subconscious might be

Unknown:

more closer to conscious, this still really not fully aware of

Unknown:

what's going on in the present. The unconscious could be a layer

Unknown:

deeper, where it's not at all in touch with what's going on in

Unknown:

the present in this, but they also some, you can hear them

Unknown:

used interchangeably, too. So okay. Yeah, that makes perfect

Unknown:

sense. If the, if someone is beginning to become aware, even

Unknown:

through our talk today, about okay, I see my pattern. And that

Unknown:

sure seems like my nine year old self, and they begin to become

Unknown:

aware. I know the book has written down exercises if people

Unknown:

choose. Which reminds me of one other question I want to ask

Unknown:

before we leave today, but what would you say would be a

Unknown:

beginning question to greet whatever comes to you like if

Unknown:

you're beginning to say like, Gee, that is a that is a younger

Unknown:

part of myself?

Maureen Spielman:

What would be a beginning thing, someone how

Maureen Spielman:

we could then

Janet Philbin:

be with ourselves? I guess? Well, first,

Janet Philbin:

I would encourage people to tune into their physical body and

Janet Philbin:

where do they experience that younger self? Is it in your car,

Janet Philbin:

your throat, your stomach, you know your back and really just

Janet Philbin:

first tune into that experience and see what the body has to

Janet Philbin:

tell you. I would pick up a pen. I would get a paper I would

Janet Philbin:

close your eyes and I would just journal whatever's coming up and

Janet Philbin:

they might seem ridiculous. How could I be thinking this? Where

Janet Philbin:

are these thoughts coming from? It doesn't matter. Just let it

Janet Philbin:

out. Right with your

Janet Philbin:

Eyes closed, your paper will be messy. Right? Without paper

Janet Philbin:

without lines. Don't worry about punctuation or spelling and just

Janet Philbin:

let it out, you have to let it out. It's there, because you've

Janet Philbin:

held it so many years, journaling helps you begin to

Janet Philbin:

let it out, then when you can understand what's in there more,

Janet Philbin:

you can begin to work with that younger self and journal to it

Janet Philbin:

and have a conversation with it. And what do you need to feel

Janet Philbin:

better and probably get support from a coach or a therapist or a

Janet Philbin:

hypnotherapist to help you it's hard to do on your own not

Janet Philbin:

impossible, but it's hard because we're not objective

Janet Philbin:

about ourselves. Yeah.

Maureen Spielman:

And the shame, the sharing that you can do, and

Maureen Spielman:

just to be witnessed for what you've experienced I like,

Maureen Spielman:

because I know that you have chapters on meditation and

Maureen Spielman:

journaling, as well. So you kind of just spoke to that the

Maureen Spielman:

importance, or I guess, not the importance, but like how

Maureen Spielman:

journaling can be so beneficial. And it kind of goes along with

Maureen Spielman:

what you were saying about just the expression like, let's,

Maureen Spielman:

let's find beginning ways to move it from our mind our body

Maureen Spielman:

and begin to process it in a new way. And you know, what has

Maureen Spielman:

meditation meant for you in your life, and I know that sometimes

Maureen Spielman:

the meditation concept can seem like, it's like this concrete

Maureen Spielman:

thing between or like, I was gonna say, between, you know,

Maureen Spielman:

you either meditate or you don't, and that seems like

Maureen Spielman:

there's a big divide. But that's, that's not the case.

Maureen Spielman:

That's not truth. No, because of meditation can be as simple as

Maureen Spielman:

I'm gonna focus on my breath right now.

Janet Philbin:

That's meditation, you're washing the

Janet Philbin:

dishes, you're in the shower, you're on a walk.

Janet Philbin:

You don't have to lie down, and be still and not move and clear

Janet Philbin:

your mind, it's almost impossible to clear your mind.

Janet Philbin:

In fact, I would expect people not to be able to clear their

Janet Philbin:

mind. And we're going to have these thoughts. Dr. Shefali

Janet Philbin:

calls a monkey mind, you know, you'll see that where you're

Janet Philbin:

meditating, maybe you're listening to a guided meditation

Janet Philbin:

or beautiful music, and also, oh my god, I forgot to put the

Janet Philbin:

laundry in the dryer, I have to pick up Jimmy at school at

Janet Philbin:

three. I need to buy snacks for soccer. And, and people get

Janet Philbin:

angry at themselves are frustrated. They're like, I

Janet Philbin:

can't meditate. This isn't working. Look at all these

Janet Philbin:

thoughts.

Janet Philbin:

What I'd like people to do is say, Okay, thank you. Talk to

Janet Philbin:

the solid. Thank you for reminding me, I'm going to come

Janet Philbin:

back to you later, and come back to your breath, come back to the

Janet Philbin:

meditation come back. Oh, another thought Thank you very

Janet Philbin:

much. Come back. Our brains are always working. The

Janet Philbin:

neurotransmitters are always transmitting information. The

Janet Philbin:

minute we begin to let our guard down and relaxation, the ego is

Janet Philbin:

going to perk up and go, Oh, no, no, remember this. Remember

Janet Philbin:

that? So acknowledge it. That's okay.

Janet Philbin:

That's okay. Thank you very much. Got it. Got it. I'm gonna

Janet Philbin:

do this again. Now. Thanks again. And if I do that, I still

Janet Philbin:

to this day meditating 25 years, I still do this to this day

Janet Philbin:

doesn't matter, those intervening thoughts are going

Janet Philbin:

to show up, I allow them, accept them, and be there and be in the

Janet Philbin:

meditation yourself, whatever your meditation is.

Maureen Spielman:

One way to meditate, I don't believe there

Maureen Spielman:

is because everyone's different. So something different works for

Maureen Spielman:

everybody. And I think that that goes to that every day is

Maureen Spielman:

different. I, you know, sometimes I can settle in and

Maureen Spielman:

and be in that space, I turned on a meditation when I woke up

Maureen Spielman:

early today, I pretty much then pulled something else to do. And

Maureen Spielman:

I wasn't in the place that I,

Maureen Spielman:

you know, wanted to meditate, I guess. And that's okay. I think

Maureen Spielman:

the I love how you're saying inner dialogue, two, because

Maureen Spielman:

that's something I've learned through my programs. And the

Maureen Spielman:

work I do now is just this idea of the inner dialogues with

Maureen Spielman:

ourselves, and how we can transform the way we speak to

Maureen Spielman:

ourselves and be with ourselves. And

Maureen Spielman:

when you are talking about that, like just that example of when

Maureen Spielman:

you're doing the dishes, I thought of the question like,

Maureen Spielman:

Well, what do you think, you know, like to yourself, because

Maureen Spielman:

we're always I think I was always conditioned to be like,

Maureen Spielman:

Well, what did they think? What did the outer think what are the

Maureen Spielman:

but it's like, well, what do I think and start that even if

Maureen Spielman:

it's the breath during a simple daily task, it gets you closer

Maureen Spielman:

to your authenticity that you talked about earlier. So it's

Maureen Spielman:

beautiful, and it doesn't have to look any certain way.

Maureen Spielman:

I thank you so much for being here today with me, Janet. It's

Maureen Spielman:

been a great conversation. And when the listeners go to look

Maureen Spielman:

for you, where can they find you? The best way for people to

Maureen Spielman:

find me is my website. Hit note. No, that's on my website.

Janet Philbin:

It used to be my website now is my name, Janet

Janet Philbin:

philbin.com. And all my social media links are there links to

Janet Philbin:

my books, links to book a complimentary consultation. And

Maureen Spielman:

anything else, probably more than people want

Maureen Spielman:

to know is there. Oh my god, I love that I love when there's

Maureen Spielman:

just so many resources. And you know, after you've been in

Maureen Spielman:

practice, as long as you have that is, I mean, all of your

Maureen Spielman:

knowledge and wisdom is coming through. So, yeah, I'll just say

Maureen Spielman:

again, that the book will be on your website, and I'll put

Maureen Spielman:

everything in the show notes, but beautiful book, show up for

Maureen Spielman:

yourself. It's, it's,

Maureen Spielman:

it's, you know, not a long, long read. So I just it's almost

Maureen Spielman:

something you could put in your I know, you say on the East

Maureen Spielman:

Coast, your pocket book we say purse here in the Midwest. It's

Maureen Spielman:

pick up a copy of the book. And yeah, thanks so much for being

Maureen Spielman:

here. Oh, thanks for having me. Marina loved our conversation.

Maureen Spielman:

Yeah. So to our listeners. Thanks for being here. And we'll

Maureen Spielman:

see you next time on mystical sisterhood.

Maureen Spielman:

Thanks for listening to this episode of mystical sisterhood.

Maureen Spielman:

If you love what you heard, please visit Apple podcasts, and

Maureen Spielman:

subscribe and leave a review and share with a friend if you're

Maureen Spielman:

called to do so. To learn more about my one on one coaching

Maureen Spielman:

programs, or join the mystical sisterhood membership, visit

Maureen Spielman:

Maureen spielman.com or mystical sisterhood.com Thanks so much.

Maureen Spielman:

I'll see you on the next episode.