Surrender vs. Trust

This is no halos here hosted by Jen Lang and Jane Stark, the place to inspire a change in your consciousness to elevate the world. We're to heart centered business owners nourishing our inner rebels while growing our respective businesses.

No halos here is the result of bringing together an opera singer turned spiritual mentor and a marketing professional turned while being coached to meditate daily. Together, we unite physical, mental, emotional and spiritual energies into a powerful presence to lead, heal and inspire. We love exploring the shadowed edges of life, the universe and beyond through honest and thought provoking conversations. Let's dive in.

Hi, everybody, welcome back to another episode of no halos here today, just with me, Jen Lang. And I want to talk today about this concept of surrender versus trust. This came up in my spiritual practice this morning. And one of the cards that came up for me was labeled trust. And it asked me to look at with this different relationship between surrender versus trust. And my first I was like, huh, I don't really, I don't really know, like it kind of, I know, they feel different in my body when I say those words. But I hadn't actually sat back and thought about it. And I, so many times these phrases come up in our language around surrender and trust, you know, surrender to the process. Trust, trust your heart, trust in the outcome, just trust. And sometimes that asks us to go quite deep. And if you haven't looked at your relationship with these words, if someone has trust issues, for example, have you ever unpacked and looked at what that means? And speaking of someone who definitely is a suspicious type, I'm suspicious Scorpio definitely have had trust challenges throughout a lot of my life. And I'm sort of reflecting for myself on how much of that is I'm not gonna say self created. But how much of that is I being shown situations, to deepen trust, so that I can deepen my trust in myself and in people around me? I've even I've even had exchanges with family members where, you know, I've said to them verbally, I love you, but I don't trust you. And that's such an interesting. Like, can you love someone fully and completely and not trust them? And like, my answer is, yes. And I think Jane and I need to unpack this topic together, because it is quite powerful. However, she is sick with the illness that shall not be named. So we are, like, I'll just take a solo episode this week and talk about this surrender, trust concept, the this love and trust piece, I still feel like you can love someone, perhaps even beyond the trust relationship, I feel like love does go deeper. And that as I think about this, and verbalize this to myself, and to you, the trust piece is if you don't trust somebody, then you're still speaking from a place of, and space of fear. Fear that they will break your trust again, or fear that they will betray you, or fear, you know, of whatever outcome it is that you're fearing. So, trust or a lack of trust can show you how to go deeper into love for a person or situation or even for yourself. However, when a relationship of trust has been damaged, sometimes that can even I'm going to say encourage or show you how to love even more deeply. And even more fully. That person or that situation that brought you they're not going to say it's going to be easy, because sometimes that really does push us to, to dig deeper. Now if we bring in this word, surrender, and you know, I feel like surrender can be taken in so many different ways. Surrender can be a place of disempowerment. Meaning, you begin, you give up. You're like I've hit my limit. I'm done. I surrender. You know, obviously, in traditional patriarchal, masculine terms, surrender is to give power or allow the other side to win. If you're talking in a sort of a binary competitive, two armies are at war and one surrenders, or two individuals battling and one surrenders than the other person is the winner or the victor. So there's that sort of, I think that's the aspect of surrender that most people are familiar with. Now, when we look at the word surrender through the lens of I'm going to say more, the more spiritual world, where you sort of surrender to the process, or you surrender the control over a specific outcome. That is trusting that

it's letting go, actually, it's a letting go of an expectation Do you might have about that outcome, where it's letting go of the pressure that either you or others have put on a perceived outcome on a situation now, what comes to mind, the, you know, that feeling of swimming upstream, and you're going through, you're moving through your day, and you might be running errands, and you hit every red light. And when you arrive at the grocery store, there's a lineup of two people, but when you finished your shopping, there's lineups of like 20 people. And that just seems like every next step, everyone knows that feeling, right? Where you're being sort of, blockaded, or, or delayed. At every step. Sometimes this happens in a work project. Sometimes this happens in our day to day lives or in, you know, in relationships. That is a time for both surrender and to trust. And it's not easy because in our achievement, get things done, form of society that we currently live in the maybe I'll call it like toxic busyness, toxic doing Enos, the aspect of things that keep us delayed from checking that next thing off the list, like Jane and I've talked about or keeping us so driven on the doing that we don't have, we don't even know what it's like to be. However, sometimes when we're put into these situations where we have to surrender, like you need to stop with the red light, or the uterus, or you risk an accident, and you stop at you, you know, before cellphones were a popular thing, when you lined up at the grocery store. That's why there's almost magazines at the grocery store aisle because they knew that you'd be waiting. And that you'd last minute, maybe you'd read an article in that magazine, or you'd see the cover and you pick it up and you throw it in your groceries in your grocery pile. So there's a surrendering to the delays that are a natural perceived delays that are a natural part of life. And sometimes it's a surrendering to the whatever is unfolding in front of you sometimes that surrender, and it kind of sets us up in this quote unquote, Battle of you know, you versus time, or you versus your errands. And that's kind of where that surrender piece. It's it's still set up really in the binary bipolar, like a bipolar, but it's not quite it's the binary of like this or that one or the other male or female. But what we want is this surrender to the flow of exactly where we are in our day to day lives. Without feeling like you're battling yourself or concept scuze me one moment.

So the I feel like as I talk through this topic for you all in this surrender versus trust piece, I want you to or invite you to look at those words and what they mean to you. And do you trust yourself in your day to day activities or what aspects of yourself to your trust? What aspects of your life are easy to trust, and what aspects of your life are less easy to trust or less easy to dig deep into that trust space? And then feel into the word surrender? And I feel like sometimes there's can be a softening in surrender. So if we remove it from this sort of battle, or by Binary opposites type of language, if we surrender maybe is that just an exhalation, it's just. And you kind of surrender to the aspects of your, whatever is unfolding for you. So those red lights, if you're running your errands, and you keep getting all those red lights, then that's an opportunity. And so by shifting your view on those perceived delays, instead to maybe their perceived pauses, and their gifts and their moments for you to close your eyes, and moments for you to take a breath, count to five, or count backwards from five and just to come back into yourself, that is surrendering to what is here right now. And trusting that you are exactly where you need to be at this moment in time. Now, doesn't mean that surrender is without action. I think I want to I probably I want to unpack this with Jane when she's back. But this surrender without action. Surrender with action piece might be surrender can just be a place of rest and being absolutely. But surrender might be, maybe you've been striving for something for so long. And for a, you know, could be years. And it's been all encompassing. Actually, this really funny example comes if you've ever seen the movie, The Princess Bride, and the Inigo Montoya character who says, Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father Prepare to die. He's been in the revenge business for so long. For I think it's like 20 years, 20 plus years. So he's trying to find track down the six fingered man who killed his father. So He's dedicated his entire life to fencing to tracking down this man to finding him, he finally finds him succeeds. Spoiler alert. Yep, that's part of the movie. And then the farmboy character, and Carrie always plays him. As he says, To Inigo Montoya, are the men of black, the band Black says to Inigo Montoya, I have you ever considered a career in privacy? Because Because the ego says, I've been in the revenge business for so long that I don't know what to do with myself. So in that case, you've been so focused on something for so long, that the idea of surrendering to something new, it feels so foreign, because you've lived your life with that purpose. But what if you experimented with surrender being the purpose? Or what if you began to play around with instead of pushing it as particular situation? What if I let a surrender to what is in front of a right now and see what happens, I think this kind of relates back to another episode that Jane and I recorded on the pressure, we sometimes feel to fix things for others. And this is a great opportunity to practice the surrender piece, because you've just surrendered to the possible outcome, that the person is not going to pick up the slack. And you have to be okay with leaving it to be okay with that outcome. So I feel like that is an aspect of surrender. And I'd say qualities of trust as well, because you are

both trusting yourself, not to, quote unquote, interfere or fall into old patterns or habits around helping someone through trying to fix something for somebody. And then you're surrendering to what comes next. And letting go of the outcome. And there is power in that as well. So I think I might sort of leave this episode here, and sort of leave you with these open ended questions around what is surrender to me? And what is trust to me? And interesting how trust can be broken, but surrender Can't we had that expression doesn't exist in English, maybe it exists in another language or another concept. So what are your feelings around surrender versus trust? And how do those words feel different for you? These are some journaling and reflection questions. I really encourage you to maybe do this while walking or moving your body and sort of playing with those words and those concepts and trying to bring And forward into your life examples of when your trust might have been broken or when a situation in trust might have been damaged. And then what did you do? Or what was your response to that situation? And is there healing for you to do there? And if so, choose the path of love and deepen your I'm gonna say deepen your loving relationship with yourself to move forward past that situation, and surrender to the love that wants to come forward for that specific reason. Yeah, just some examples and thoughts to play with, as always, wishing you a really fantastic day ahead. And one more note for you that Jane and I are taking a break over the summer, our summer here for July and August. There won't be new episodes coming out. But we will be releasing on social media we will be re releasing and bringing your attention to past episodes that we feel deserve more attention and love. So I hope you enjoy that we are doing a sort of a refresh and a relaunch over the summer. So we'll be back in September, with some new looks and feels. But in the meantime, we have another episode after this week's episode. So we will see you on our sort of season closer. Where are you further, you'll hear us we won't actually see you. But anyway, sending that out into the world and we'll catch you next week. You're on no halos here. Thanks for joining us. Bye for now. Thanks for joining us for these conscious combos. If you're ready to dive deeper head on over to we are Jen and jane.com to continue the conversation.