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You can be a peaceful parent and still be in charge. In fact, our kids NEED us to be IN CHARGE. They are always looking to us to show them the way and if we are unsure and inconsistent it causes stress and anxiety in our kids which leads...
You can be a peaceful parent and still be in charge. In fact, our kids NEED us to be IN CHARGE. They are always looking to us to show them the way and if we are unsure and inconsistent it causes stress and anxiety in our kids which leads to behavior we don’t like.
Dr. Vanessa and I talk about how important it is to show up with swagger so our kids know in all situations that we’ve got this! If we don’t, our kids think they need to be in charge and that’s when things get really hard and challenging! Learn how to solve some of the hardest parenting struggles just by showing up as an “In Charge Parent!”
About Dr. Vanessa Lapointe
Dr. Vanessa Lapointe is an author, parenting expert, and registered psychologist (British Columbia #1856) who has been supporting families and children for more than fifteen years. Author of Discipline without Damage: How to get your kids to behave without messing them up and Parenting Right From The Start: Laying a Healthy Foundation in the Baby and Toddler years, regularly invited media guest and contributor, educator and speaker, a Huffington Post Parent blogger, and a consultant to research projects and various organizations promoting emotional health and development,
Dr. Vanessa is known for bringing a sense of nurturing understanding and humanity to all of her work. She presently works in private practice and has previous experience in a variety of settings, including the British Columbia Ministry of Children and Family Development and the school system.
Dr. Vanessa’s passion is in walking alongside parents, teachers, care providers, and other big people to really see the world through the child’s eyes. She believes that if we can do this, we are beautifully positioned to grow up our children in the best possible way. As a mother to 2 growing children, Dr. Vanessa strives not only professionally, but also personally, to view the world through the child’s eyes.
If you are interested in pre-ordering Dr. Vanessa’s book, Parenting Right From The Start: Laying a Healthy Foundation in the Baby and Toddler years, you can order HERE
From the Podcast:
Your struggles in parenting are not happening to you, they are happening for you to help you grow yourself up.
How do you know if your child is the one in the lead? They are precocious, bossy, demanding, unwilling to take your lead and defiant. We usually want to shut these kids down but in fact what they are saying is that I don’t feel seen, heard or understood, so we need to get even bigger to get them to see we are their best bet so they can relax.
How to bring swagger. Your child, if they are in the position of being in charge, will be two steps ahead of you so that means you need to jump forward and anticipate the needs your child. This means you have to do some work to plan what your child’s needs are going to be. Not easy but worth it!
Being “Large and In charge” means you show up with kindness, empathy, wisdom and firmness (holding firm boundaries). You are constantly looking for cues from your child to say, I see you, I hear you, and I get you.
Child: “I wanted to go for ice cream!!!”
Parent: “I can’t even believe you said that ice cream today it’s actually international take your kid for Ice cream day and I’m actually driving to the ice cream store right now”
Child: “you are so mean, I wanted to watch more TV”
Parent: “I knew you were going to say that, which is why I already have another show ready for you”
Child: “I don’t want to talk to you!”
Parent: “Now isn’t the time to talk.”
Child: “get out of my room!”
Parent: “I’m going to need to go now”
Parent: “You sound really frustrated right now”
Child: “I’m not frustrated, I’m angry”
Parent: “yes, you are angry”
Child: “I’m not going to school today”
Parent: “Yes, I know today feels like a not going to school day, I get that. I could tell from the minute you woke up that it would feel like that.” (then it’s up to you to decide if they can stay home or not. If they have to go and are upset, you give them empathy).
I knew you were going to ask for that____ so I got this ready/did this/am going to get you_____
I knew you would want more___ so I did______
Thanks for listening!
It means so much to me that you listened to my podcast! If you would like to purchase my book or other parenting resources, visit me at www.yellingcurebook.com
With this podcast, my intention is to build a community of parents that can have open and honest conversations about parenting without judgement or criticism. We have too much of that! I honor each parent and their path towards becoming the best parent they can be. My hope is to inspire more parents to consider the practice of Peaceful Parenting. If you know somebody who would benefit from this message, or would be an awesome addition to our community, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.
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